Exterior of the library/mansion
Applejack carefully approaches the exterior of the mansion once again and sees the window is open. Fluttershy is staring longingly at the world, her face stained with tears. Applejack is out of her view so she doesn't take notice of the pony wishing she could help somehow. She begins to express her fears.
Fluttershy
She means to become my girlfriend,
What shall I do?
I feel so scared.
Applejack
I have a plan.
Fluttershy
Then again, it might not be so bad
At least for life,
I'll be prepared.
Applejack
I have a plan!
Fluttershy
Oh, dear. Was that a noise?
Applejack
A plan!
Fluttershy
Some kind of scary beast?
Applejack
A plan!
Fluttershy
It couldn't be!
She left to pray,
Before court today.
Still, that was a noise...
Wasn't it a noise?
I must be crazy...
Applejack
(in frustration)
Listen to me!
Fluttershy
Oh, miss.
Applejack
Yes, miss.
Fluttershy
Oh, miss.
If she should become my girlfriend,
That would be weird,
She's like my mom.
Applejack
We flee tonight.
Fluttershy
Right now, it's Friday. In two days
She will bed me,
I can't stay calm
Applejack
We flee tonight.
Fluttershy
Right under the floor!
Applejack
Tonight.
Fluttershy
Think I heard some more!
Applejack
Tonight!
Fluttershy / Applejack
It was the door! / I'm at your door.
It's the door! / It ain't the door,
Wait, do we have a door? / No one's at the door.
We always have before! / If you'd just be quiet and--
Wait, there's another click, / --
I must have heard that-- / Listen to me!
Fluttershy
Of course.
Applejack
Listen to me!
Fluttershy
We leave tonight?
Applejack
The plan is made!
Fluttershy
Oh, miss!
Applejack
So just listen to me!
Fluttershy
I feel a fright.
Applejack
Don't be afraid!
Fluttershy / Applejack
I think I / Tonight I'll
Love you, even as I / Steal
Saw you, even as you / You
First appeared before my / Fluttershy!
Eyes and stole my heart. / --
I'll steal you...
Applejack
Then would you marry me Monday,
So you'll be safe?
Fluttershy
Oh, I'd love to!
Applejack
St. Bart's at noon.
Fluttershy / Applejack
I thought for sure that my whole life / --
Would be for naught, until you came / --
I thought you'd gone away, / Oh, miss!
And left this town today, / Come with me, come with me, miss!
To look for gold, / And marry me Monday!
On the plains, / Favor me, favor me
Or you were in jail, / With your hoof!
Came down with the plague, / Promise!
Gone on the river again, / Marry me, marry me, please!
Arrested by the-- / I'll keep you safe!
Fluttershy
Kiss me!
Applejack
Look how you glow!
Fluttershy
Quickly!
Applejack
Let's take it slow!
Fluttershy
Kiss me!
Applejack
Alright!
Fluttershy
Kiss me!
Oh, miss...
Fluttershy: (sighs happily) You're going to love me...
Applejack: Now, uh, about that key?
Fluttershy: Huh? Oh, right. I don't have one, but she keeps a spare under the welcome mat.
Applejack: (shocked) But, I-- Okay...
Applejack gives one last look at the window before she leaves for Pinkie Pie's shop to seek her help.
Interior of Ponyville's town hall
Twilight Sparkle presides with little interest over a trial. In the room are several councilors, too fearful to speak up and the defendant: a snoring Granny Smith. At Twilight's side is Rainbow Dash, trying to keep her on task.
Twilight Sparkle: Therefore, by the power vested in me, I know pronounce you--
Rainbow Dash: (nudges and whispers to Twilight) It's not that kind of court proceeding.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh? Divorce?
Rainbow Dash shakes her head.
Twilight Sparkle: Lawsuit?
Another shake.
Twilight Sparkle: Crime?
Rainbow Dash finally nods.
Twilight Sparkle: What!? Crime in my town!? I'll have none of it. I am deeply sorry, uh... (looks at her papers) Mrs. Smith, but for crimes against the state, you force me to sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead. May Celestia have mercy on your soul.
Rainbow Dash smiles cruelly and picks up the old mare before carrying her out of the courtroom to her fate.
Granny Smith: (wakes up) Wha? What's going on? I was just on the farm. Where am I?
Twilight Sparkle: This court is adjourned.
Exterior of Ponyville's town hall
Rainbow Dash flies alongside Twilight as they exit the town hall. She is holding her sides laughing.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, man! Did you see the look on her face? (imitating Granny Smith) "Show some respect for your elders!" Priceless! (notices Twilight isn't interested) Say, are you feeling okay? You seem a little out of it today.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I just don't know, Rainbow Dash. Do you think justice really was served? I mean, we don't even know what her crime was.
Rainbow Dash: Well, she fell asleep in court. There has to be some law against that.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not entirely sure.
Rainbow Dash: Okay. Something is definitely wrong. You usually love sentences! Did your letter get rejected by Princess Celestia again?
Twilight Sparkle: I'm afraid so. Rainbow Dash, I just don't know what to do anymore. I've looked through every book in my library a dozen times, spent countless hours watching and speaking with Fluttershy, and yet I've never learned a thing about friendship! But I've been thinking...
Rainbow Dash: That makes one of us.
Twilight Sparkle: I've been considering... enhancing my relationship with Fluttershy. Perhaps if we became closer, more... intimate, I might learn something worthwhile.
Rainbow Dash: Hold on, now! If it's love you're talking about, we have some work to do. (flies in front of Twilight and blocks her way)
Rainbow Dash
Forgive me, Twilight,
If I could speak, Twilight
And offer, Twilight, some words.
I'm well known for my critique, Twilight,
And you're not looking your peak, Twilight.
You look a bit like a geek, Twilight,
And no pony likes a nerd.
Believe me, it's not absurd.
Twilight Sparkle: (looks down at her judges robes) A geek? Nerd? Confound it. What's the problem?
Rainbow Dash
Fillies and their sensitivities, Twilight!
Have a certain sensibility.
When a girl starts feeling,
Sending your heart reeling.
You simply use her gentility, Twilight!
Unusual emotions they'll always have,
Given their gentile proclivities,
Against better judgment,
Feelings they keep dormant.
Fillies and their sensitivities, Twilight!
Twilight Sparkle: Then what must I do? How do I win Fluttershy's heart!?
Rainbow Dash
Don't worry, Twilight,
There is a place, Twilight,
That sells delectable treats.
It's quite easy to enlace, Twilight
A filly's heart with such grace, Twilight,
At a rather heightened pace, Twilight.
Give her cakes she'd love to eat
And your love will be complete.
Twilight Sparkle: I suppose the fastest way to a pony's heart is through her stomach. So what is this place you're talking about?
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie's Capricious Confectionery. She has to be the most amazing baker I've ever seen. I'm sure she'd be happy to serve you.
The two leave for Sweet Street.
Interior of Pinkie Pie's shop
Rarity steps through the door and approaches Pinkie Pie, who is wiping off her hacksaw with a cloth.
Rarity: Don't get me wrong, that little dragon is adorable. But if he stays here much longer, he'll eat us out of house and home! When's Trixie getting back?
Pinkie Pie: She won't be.
Rarity: Oh. Well, that's a relief. I didn't particularly care for her-- (gasps) Pinkie! You didn't!
Pinkie points to the ice box and Rarity carefully walks over to it. She opens it, seeing Trixie's corpse inside.
Rarity: How horrible! I know she was a show-off, but what did she ever do to you?
Pinkie Pie: (continues cleaning) She recognized me from the old days.
Rarity: Ah. Blackmailed you, did she?
Pinkie Pie: (confusedly) Blackmailed? I was just worried about the shop.
Rarity: Fair enough. So long as you were thinking about us. (looking over the body) Yuck. Quite a shame, really. That was such a nice cape and hat, but all that blood. Ooh! (uses her magic to lift the gem off Trixie's cape) "Waste not, want not" I always say. (suddenly looks down) Although, I suppose Spike will want to eat this one, too. What are we going to do about him?
Pinkie Pie: Just send him up.
Rarity: Ms. P, he's just a baby dragon. There's no need to--
Pinkie Pie: Send him up!
Rarity: Look, I know it's revenge your after and even though the thought of baking ponies into cupcakes-- especially that quip about Applejack --disturbs me more than a little, I'm here to support you. But there's no need to wipe out everyone you meet on the way. Besides, he looks like he'd make a good assistant.
Pinkie Pie: (sighs) Okie dokie Loki... (looks out the window)
Rarity: Of course, I haven't the slightest idea where we're going to get more gems.
Pinkie Pie: (gasps) Judge Sparkle.
Rarity rushes over to the window and the two look below. They see Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash exchange a few words before Rainbow leaves. Twilight continues approaching the shop.
Pinkie Pie: Out.
Rarity: Alright, alright. I'm--
Pinkie Pie: (pushes her out the door) Move, hurry up, out the door!
Pinkie Pie quickly gives one last shove and slams the door shut. Panicky, she looks back to her set of baking tools and grabs the hacksaw. At first waiting by the door, she realizes she wants to savor the moment and sets it back down on the kitchen table. She covers it with a cloth just as Twilight walks in.
Twilight Sparkle: Ms. Pie?
Pinkie Pie: Uh, right! Ms. Pinkie Pie! At your service! (bows)
Twilight Sparkle: So formal. Do you even know who I am?
Pinkie Pie: Why, who doesn't know the fairest judge and greatest wizard in all Equestria?
Twilight Sparkle cocks an eyebrow in satisfaction and steps closer inside.
Twilight Sparkle: I must say, I've seen better confectioneries, yet Rainbow Dash claims you to be the most accomplished of all the bakers in Ponyville.
Pinkie Pie: (in a friendly tone) Awwww, how nice! And what may I get for you, miss? A batch of peanut butter cookies? A delicious custard, perhaps? Sit, miss. Sit.
Twilight Sparkle
You see, miss, a mare quite learned in sweets,
A connoisseur, I would stake.
But I am in need of something to please
A young filly, make her weak at the knees.
A cake, candy, gum, or nut brownies.
But first miss, I think -- cupcakes.
Twilight sits down in an old, yet comfortable, lounge chair.
Pinkie Pie
The tastiest I've ever baked.
Pinkie whistles the tune happily as she begins putting ingredients together in a batter.
Twilight Sparkle: In a merry mood today, Ms. Pie?
Pinkie Pie
'Tis your delight, miss, spreading laughter.
Believe me, I would know.
Twilight Sparkle
'Tis true, miss, these wondrous, strange feelings
Can make the heart seem quite revealing.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle
What more, what more do ponies long for--
Twilight Sparkle
Than love, miss?
Pinkie Pie
More than love, miss?
Twilight Sparkle
What, miss?
Pinkie Pie
Fillies.
Twilight Sparkle
Ah, yes fillies.
Pinkie Pie
Pretty fillies.
Twilight begins humming the tune and Pinkie Pie also begins whistling. Twilight relaxes more and closes her eyes as Pinkie moves from her mixing bowl to the hacksaw. The two stop humming and whistling when the tune is finished.
Pinkie Pie
Now then, my pal.
Now we shall savor.
Patience. Enjoy it.
You don't want to forget this taste.
Twilight Sparkle
(snaps her eyes open)
The taste, I hope, will be
Beyond her wildest dreams.
Pinkie Pie
Don't barge!
And who's affections,
Might you be after, miss?
Twilight Sparkle
My charge.
Twilight Sparkle: A silly little pegasus filly.
Pinkie Pie: Silly as her mother?
Twilight Sparkle: Yea-- huh? What was that?
Pinkie Pie: Uh, nothing, miss. Nothing. (moves to Twilight with hacksaw in hoof) May we proceed?
Pinkie moves just behind Twilight and then turns to the side table next to her. She sets down some strawberries and begins chopping them with the hacksaw.
Pinkie Pie
Pretty fillies...
So transfixing...
Eating hay fries, kneading...
Pretty fillies
Make one happy.
Pretty fillies.
Sitting in the stable or
Galloping for miles,
Something in them,
Makes you smile.
Pretty fillies...
Twilight Sparkle
By their candles...
Pinkie Pie
Draw you towards them...
Twilight Sparkle
Reading...
Pinkie Pie
Think about them...
Twilight Sparkle
Turning pages...
Pinkie Pie
Pretty fillies...
Pinkie Pie / Twilight Sparkle
Pretty fillies!
Flying through the blue sky
Or pulling magic tricks.
Even when they're sad / When they're sad...
-- / Even when they're so sad
They still / And crying, they somehow
-- / Can still smile for
Can smile / You. Yes they
They smile / Smile for you
Ah,
Pretty fillies
Pinkie Pie
Apple bucking...
Twilight Sparkle
Learning magic...
Pinkie Pie
Loop-de-hooping...
Twilight Sparkle
And tooth brushing...
Pinkie Pie
Creature handling...
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle
How they make a mare sing!
Proof of ponies'
Love and living.
Pinkie Pie brings the hacksaw slowly beneath Twilight's throat and prepares for the kill.
Pinkie Pie / Twilight Sparkle
Pretty fillies, miss! / Pretty fillies!
Pretty fillies, yes! / Pretty fillies!
Pretty fillies, oh! / Pretty fillies!
Twilight Sparkle
Pretty fillies, miss!
Pretty fillies, pretty fillies!
Applejack bursts in the room just as Pinkie Pie swings the hacksaw in a wide arc. She quickly stops the swing and brings it down on the last strawberry.
Applejack: Ms. Pie, I think I have a plan to get Fluttershy out of there! She didn't give me a key, but if I can just--
Twilight Sparkle: (leaps up from the chair) You... Perhaps Celestia herself sent you here to warn me of your treachery. (knocks over a side table as she approaches Applejack) You think you'll take Fluttershy away from here? How about I beat you to it? I'll take her to the furthest regions of Equestria where neither you nor anypony shall ever so much as lock eyes with her again! (turns to Pinkie, who stands motionless) And as for you, baker. It's all too clear the company you keep. Serve them well and sate their appetites, for you'll nevermore touch mine! (storms out)
Applejack: Ms. Pie, I need your help. If I can get to--
Pinkie Pie: Out...
Applejack: (desperately) Ms. Pie, please. I need to--
Pinkie Pie: Out!
Applejack: Ms. Pie--
Pinkie Pie: OUT!!!
Terrified, Applejack rushes out of the shop as Rarity steps inside.
Rarity: What in Celestia's name is going on up here?
Pinkie Pie: I had her...
Rarity: Yes, yes. I saw. Applejuck burst in and the two ran off, but--
Pinkie Pie
I had her!
Her neck was there
Beneath my hooves...
Rarity: Ok, dear. Let's just all calm down.
Pinkie Pie
No, I had her!
Her neck was there
Now there's nothing left to prove!
Rarity
Hold your horses.
Just calm down.
Rest yourself, we'll wipe--
Pinkie Pie
When!?
Rarity
Off that frown.
Pinkie Pie
Why did I wait?
You told me to wait!
Now she'll never come again!
(looks out the window)
There's a place in the world that is full of hate
Where none can escape a dark and gruesome fate
And the worst of ponykind all congregate.
But not for long!
(turns to Rarity)
They all deserve to fry!
Tell you why, Ms. Rarity,
Tell you why.
Because in all of the whole pony race, Ms. Rarity
There are two kinds of ponies, only two.
There's the one acting fine
Doing what she's told
And the one stomping down
With a hoof so cold!
Think of me, Ms. Rarity,
Think of you.
(pins Rarity to the wall)
Now we all deserve to fry!
Even you, Ms. Rarity, even I.
Because the evil are nothing but
Good meat!
For the rest of us death
Will be a treat!
We all deserve to fry!
(leans back)
And I'll never see Fluttershy.
No, I'll never hold those golden wings.
Finished!
In her mind, Pinkie Pie leaps away into a crowded Ponyville street. None of the other ponies take notice of her and she begins gesturing to them with her hacksaw.
Pinkie Pie
Alright! You, miss.
How about a cupcake?
Come and visit,
Your old pal, Pinkie!
You, miss? Two, miss?
Come on, I'm not on break!
I will have laughter!
I will have sweet vengeance!
Who, miss? You, miss?
No one's yet been served!
Come on, come on,
Pinkie's waiting!
I want you numbers.
You, miss? Anypony!
Come on now, indulge yourself.
Not one mare,
No, nor ten mares,
Nor a hundred
Shall appease me!
I will eat you!
(walks down an alleyway)
And I will bake the Judge.
Forget what she's said.
Soon enough I'll have her horn
Sitting on my head.
(kneels in anguish)
And my Ditzy's
Fallen from grace
And I'll never see my poor girl's face.
But the shop waits, I can smile at last!
And I'm filled with laughs!
She raises her hacksaw high to the sky on the last note and, still kneeling on the floor, stares at the ceiling of the shop. Rarity stands behind her, unfazed by the dramatic display.
Rarity: That's all very well, but what do you intend to do about her? (gestures to the ice box) Ms. Pie? Pinkie?
Pinkie's face droops a little and she stares at the ground. She continues to remain silent. Rarity tries waving her hoof in front of Pinkie's face.
Rarity: Hello? Anypony home? (sighs, then picks up and carries out Pinkie) Come on, you great useless thing...
Interior of Carousel Boutique
Rarity: (pulls Pinkie in) Take a seat, now.
Pinkie Pie dumbly sets herself at a table and remains stoic. Rarity checks the back room to find Spike curled up sleeping by the fire. She picks up a cupcake from a plate and returns to Pinkie's table, where she sets the cupcake down.
Rarity: Come on, Pinkie. Gobble it all up. I guarantee you'll feel better.
Pinkie begins eating the cupcake.
Rarity: There we go. Now, there's still the matter of our unwanted guest, "The Great and Powerful Trixie" . What do you propose we do?
Pinkie Pie: I'm done with cupcakes. After dark, we'll take it out to the lake and dump it.
Rarity: Of course, that would be the obvious solution. A pony like that probably wouldn't have anyone close looking for her. (an idea forms in her mind) Well, would you look at that. Seems I'm just full of bright ideas.
Rarity
Seems a bit insane...
Pinkie Pie
Insane?.
Rarity
Seems right of the wall...
Such a nice, full mane
What's-her-name has...
Had...
Has...
Might make a good windfall.
Dresses running low.
Can't pay off my debts.
Celestia might be saying
She's answered my praying,
If you get my saying.
Pinkie Pie stares blankly at her and wonders what she's talking about.
Rarity: No?
Rarity
Seems right of the wall...
I mean,
With the price of furs or fabric,
When you get them,
If you get them.
Pinkie Pie: (understanding) Ah!
Rarity
Good you got them.
Take, for instance,
Ms. Moondancer and her dress shop.
Dresses and wigs she makes from
Animals like cats.
And I know they're not even
Good for making hats.
And I'm sure that you could take
What's inside, bake it, then enthrall!
Pinkie Pie
Ms. Rarity,
I can't believe my ears.
Pinkie Pie / Rarity
To think that you could conjure such an / Well, it is off the
Enterprising idea. / Wall...
Ms. Rarity, how I've gone without you / When you think of it,
All this time I'll never know! / All those ponies
Sounds fashionable. / Walking right in for your cupcakes
Also quite delectable. / And becoming what we love!
How choice! / Cupcakes,
How sharp! / Dresses,
Rarity
Hats and,
Wigs!
Pinkie Pie
(runs over to the window)
For what's the sound of Equestria?
Rarity
(joins her)
What, Pinkie Pie,
What, Pinkie Pie,
What is that sound?
Pinkie Pie
Those crunches inspiring dementia!
Rarity
Yes, Pinkie Pie,
Yes, Pinkie Pie,
Yes, all around.
Pinkie Pie
It's pony devouring pony, my dear!
Pinkie Pie and Rarity
And who are we to deny it in here?
Pinkie Pie: These are dark times for Ponyville. The citizens could use something to spice up their lives.
Rarity: I've got just the thing. (reaches into her fridge to retrieve a cupcake)
Pinkie Pie: What is that?
Rarity
It's prince.
Have a little prince.
Pinkie Pie
Is it really good?
Rarity
Why don't you take
My hints?
And I know they spend a lot on their hygiene
So it must be clean.
Pinkie Pie
Quite a lot of hair.
Rarity
Just on top of there.
Pinkie Pie
Haven't you got mayor
In here, anywhere?
Rarity
No, you see the problem with mayor
Is how do you know they're
Minced?
Try the prince.
Pinkie Pie: (eating the cupcake) Mmmm, a taste fit for a king.
Rarity: That is, if it was ever fit to be a king.
Rarity
Cellist is quite good
Pinkie Pie
Careful of the wood.
Rarity
And don't let the frosting get clingy.
It gets awfully stringy,
But should.
Pinkie Pie
Any muscled folk?
Rarity
Well, then we've got a unique colt
He was once a Wonderbolt
Bloke.
Though, it needs to soak
And, of course, it probably tastes just like smoke!
Pinkie Pie
Is it teacher
That you feature?
Rarity
Mercy, no miss
Dismiss this.
It's certainly princess!
Pinkie Pie
Looks quite gruff!
More like sheriff!
Rarity
No, it has to be princess.
It woke.
Pinkie Pie
The history of Equestria--
Rarity
Save a lot of space,
Take care of a lot of mares' problems.
Pinkie Pie
Is too often filled with hysteria!
Rarity
So many to choose!
We'll never have boredom.
Pinkie Pie
How satisfying to know today
That all are equal under our new way!
Rarity: Hmmm, if it's not Wonderbolt you're after... perhaps something else?
Pinkie Pie: Sorry. Not a big fan of pegasus.
Rarity: Not even with a dash of rainbow?
Pinkie Pie smiles and Rarity gives her a newer-looking cupcake.
Pinkie Pie: What is that?
Rarity
It's scop.
Best one in the shop.
Or we have some apple pie covered
With Apple family members on top.
Look at this and gawk.
The designer sits there so choicely
And looks hoity toity.
Try a flock.
Pinkie Pie
Stuff it with a sock,
For you never know if it's going to talk!
Rarity
Try the DJ!
Take a whole tray!
Pinkie Pie
No, the music scene really
Should stay without sully!
Rarity
Then try playwright.
It feels so light!
Pinkie Pie
Ah, but it always tastes too cliche!
(grabs a knife and stabs it into the wall)
I'll come again when you
Have something sparkly on the menu.
Rarity: Unfortunately, we're fresh out of sparkly cupcakes. Perhaps a new flavor?
Pinkie Pie: Oh? Like what?
Rarity: (hands Pinkie Pie her largest kitchen knife) Butcher...
Pinkie Pie
Have pity for ponies outside this door.
Rarity
Yes, yes, I know, my dear.
Pinkie Pie
They've no idea what yet lies in store!
Rarity
Their hunger will grow, my dear.
Pinkie Pie
We'll treat our customers, great and small.
Yes, we'll serve anypony--
Rarity
And try anypony--
Pinkie Pie and Rarity
Meaning anypony
At all!