//------------------------------//
// Princess Spike 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	“Welcome to the Grand Equestria Pony Summit!” Princess Luna introduced.
“You delegates have traveled far and wide to represent your cities as we seek to celebrate and learn from all the unique places that make up our wonderful land of Equestria,” Princess Celestia continued.  “The two of us are happy to see you all.  Despite rumors to the contrary, there are only two Princesses of Equestria.”
In the crowd, Twilight frowned.  “I guess I can understand confidence in government, but I’m not sure what to think when it conflicts with truth in government.”
“Don’t say that too loud,” Applejack reminded her.  “Besides, after what happened, it's arguably true.”
The pair of Princesses politely waved and smiled as if they weren’t hiding terrible secrets. The crowd gave them their due.  
“Why are we here again?” Rainbow asked.  The rest of the mares and Spike looked like they also wanted to know.
“Princess Celestia said she had something important to discuss with us and wanted to use the summit as cover,” Twilight said.  “She seems to be very security conscious lately.”
“We meet with her all the time,” said Applejack.  “Why would anypony care?”
It was a good question.  Either way, they would know soon enough.
While Luna handled the guests from around the country, Celestia met the Element Bearers.
“Spike, could you go fetch some donuts from Joe?" Celestia asked.”
Spike was more than happy to, and hurried away.  Celestia escorted the rest into a back room.  The walls were soundproofed.  It looked a little like their command center in the back room of the pub, but a little more formal.  Against one wall was an enormous radio, appearing to be custom built.
“What’s this about, Princess?” Applejack said.
“I’m glad you asked,” Celestia said.  “I’ve been considering the role you all take, and I’ve decided to make suggestions for reorganization.  Applejack, have you ever considered a leadership role?”
“Huh?” Applejack said.  “I mean, Valiant said something about that once.”
“Wait a second,” Twilight broke in, “Why would you pick Applejack?  No offense, AJ, but that’s exactly what Valiant wanted.”
“Well, Applejack knows the value of hard work and honesty, and she’s the biggest.”  Celestia was quick to add, “In addition, I believe the last thing Valiant would expect us to do is the thing he wanted us to do.”
“How do you know what Valiant wants?” Rarity asked.  “He’s been gone a rather long time.”
“Classified ways,” Celestia said.  “I want your promise that nothing we discuss here leaves this room.”
Everypony agreed, and Celestia revealed her source, the radio.  “We have proof that Valiant is alive and well.”  Celestia tuned the receiver and sure enough, picked up Valiant’s voice.
“Operational simulation test number three hundred sixty-seven.  Tin Mare, do you copy?”
“Affirmative,” replied a robotic voice.
“Systems check,” Valiant ordered.
“Green, all.”
“Very well.  Simulate target acquisition.”
“Target acquired,” the so-called Tin Mare replied immediately.
“Are you sure?”
“Any mistake I make is a function of your design.”
Valiant chuckled.  “Oh sure, blame me.  Go screw yourself.  All right, simulate engaging target.”
“Weapon selected: gun.  Simulate engaging.  Simulated target neutralized.”
“Simulate damage assessment.”
“The target is simulated dead.”
“A little more specific?”
“There are make-believe large holes in it.”
“Awesome. “
“Strange as it sounds,” said Rarity, “I feel like I’ve heard that voice before.”
“The robot?” Twilight asked.
“Now that you mention it, I think maybe I’ve heard her before too,” Fluttershy said.
And now that Fluttershy said her, the girls agreed that it did sound like the mysterious Tin Mare was in fact female.  But who was she?  It didn’t sound like anypony they remembered associating with Valiant.
“It’s not the first time we’ve heard Valiant talking to this Tin Mare,” Celestia said.  “We still know very little.  It’s not the first time we’ve heard them discuss weapons.  She seems subservient, and without much personality.”
“Do you think she’s a real robot?  Like some sort of artificial intelligence that Valiant created?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know,” Celestia said.
“We can triangulate the signals and find out where they are,” Twilight said.  “In fact, why haven’t you done that already?”
“We’ve tried,” Celestia told her.  “You aren’t the only smart pony in Equestria, Twilight.  However, we haven’t had any luck.  The signals are too ambiguous.  We think that they’re going through the satellites, so we’re only able to track it when one passes over.”
“Wait, what’s a satellite?” Rainbow said.
“We’ve recently discovered that there are metallic objects in orbit around the planet,” Celestia revealed.  “These satellites seem capable of transmitting images and audio.  We strongly suspect that Valiant is responsible and is spying on us.”
“It…sounds a lot like him,” Applejack agreed.  
“We were able to hack into the system and download our own feed,” Celestia said.  
“Hacking?” Twilight said, confused.
“It’s a new term we had to invent,” Celestia said.  “It’s all very high-level computer business.  Almost like finding your way through a digital jungle with nothing but a machete: hacking.  Now that we’re in, we’re able to get our own data, and it’s been monumentally helpful to our global awareness.”
“But does he know that we know?” Applejack asked.
“I think not,” Celestia said.  “We’re able to spy on Valiant, after all.”
“So where is he?” asked Rainbow.
“We are only getting the information secondhand,” Celestia reminded her.  “Efforts to track the meager signals of his that we pick up have been unsuccessful.”
“Going back to the idea of discovering where the signals are from triangulation, could we somehow travel to a satellite in order to get a stronger signal and see where it’s coming from?” Twilight asked.
“It would be more difficult than going to the moon,” Celestia said, “attempting to teleport to a small quickly moving object in outer space.  I think it’s theoretically possible, however.”
“Or, y’know…starting a space program,” suggested Applejack.  “Valiant’s already laid the groundwork.”
It was true.  The launch pad in Ponyville hadn’t been used for anything else since his departure.
“That’s insane,” Twilight argued.  “Riding a tube full of thousands of pounds of rocket fuel on the way to intercept a tiny target in the depths of outer space?”
“I think you mean it’s insanely awesome,” said Rainbow.
“Totally!” agreed Pinkie.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Twilight said.
“Let me tell you something,” said Celestia, adopting a more candid tone.  “As a pony with dozens of centuries of life experience, I adore tradition, but I also realize that occasionally things must change.  Why, just the other day I had my mane replaced because it’s easier to manage.”
To make her point, the Princess deactivated her trademark wispy mane and removed it.  She showed them the wig.  Off her head and not animated, it had the consistency of cotton candy.
“I want Princess Celestia’s toupee in my mouth,” Pinkie whispered to herself.
Replacing her mane, Celestia went on.  “I’m not saying a mission to space is the right answer, but if it’s the best way to get results, I don’t want it to be discounted simply because it’s new and different.  Or because it’s Valiant’s fault.  We've discussed the groundwork here today.  I'd like you all to bring me ideas about moving forward.”
She left them with that thought.  The meeting over, the girls filed out of the room.  
“So if we want to find Valiant, we just have to figure out how to get a pony close enough to one of these “satellites” in order to use as-yet-uninvented technology to locate and track his signals, and the easiest way might be to invent a space program,” Rarity summarized.  “Lovely, just lovely.”
“I think we might want to explore other options, too,” Applejack said.  “While a rocket might be easier than teleportin’, maybe there’s something even easier.”
“Maybe we could find a quiet place to put our heads together,” said Fluttershy, the only one who actually remembered the confidentiality agreement Celestia had made.
“That’ll be a little difficult with all these crowds around,” Rainbow observed.
“We can use the bedroom in the tower where I stayed when I lived here,” Twilight suggested.
They headed there, but it wasn’t quite quiet.  Quiet enough for casual conversation, but not quiet enough for the kind of high-level science brainstorming that was required.  There was road construction, chainsaw tree-trimming, polo-playing, and a mime.  Not that the mime was loud, it was just a really terrible mime.
In addition, everyone who had come for the summit was keeping the two Princesses busy with their incessant chatter.
“We have to figure out a way to get some peace and quiet,” Twilight said.
“We could have a pony-powered pump-action palooza!” Pinkie explained, grabbing Twilight and lifting her tail.
“Pinkie, you may not use me as a machine gun!” Twilight shouted.
“Er, yeah, a machine gun,” said Pinkie, letting her go.
“Why don’t we just go back to Ponyville?” Applejack suggested.  “I’m sure we can find some peace and quiet there.”
They all agreed that it was a good idea and headed for the train station.  Spike met them along the way with donuts.
Meanwhile, Princesses Celestia and Luna were up to their eyeballs in ponies who wanted something.  The two sisters glanced at each other across the crowded room.  Instead of solving their own petty problems, ponies everywhere always wanted Princess advice.  Maybe two Princesses weren’t enough.  Maybe they should let ponies think for themselves.
They found both ideas equally horrifying.
The girls and Spike rode the train back home to find something equally horrible: a stallion that called himself Justin Bee Bear.
He had come to town to talk to the residents about the recent bugbear attack during Matilda and Cranky’s wedding.  Based on his name, he seemed a likely candidate to talk about ursine/insectoid hybrids.
However, there was something that immediately made the girls suspicious.  It was the mare wearing a jacket and sunglasses that was choking him.