//------------------------------// // ACT 3 PART 4 // Story: The Great Fandom Man! // by Jake Witt //------------------------------// "... and that was my first and last trip to the Crystal Empire. Any questions?" I sat in the center of a room that resembled a Pre School class room and a bloodied dungeon, telling a story on a map as young creatures with displaced parents and foals with possible displaced parents surrounded me on a colorful mat. A tiny version Soul Calibur's Nightmare raised his sword, "What's a siren?" "Now that's a good question!" I responded cheerfully. In case you're wondering: I pay people in quests both personal and random, this is random. Blossom and Bubbles wants me to check the local school for quests, giving me Buttercup as assurance. I'm substituting for the substitute teacher on short notice, and I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be around the cthulhu twins and the tasmanian devil. After an hour of this she left. As I finished answering Nightmare's question, the door slammed open before falling off its hinges. The original substitute teacher Ferris Bueller had a massive grin on his face as he called out, "The Crystal Empire has returned!" What have you done?!? Another major event, but unlike the wedding: there's no rules! My suit turned a gray-red as I dashed out the door. I would jump out the window, but I would have to pay actual money to replace it and said money would be needed for my funeral. In my normal form, I can use my wind powers to fly on a calm or cloudy day, but that wasn't today. No! Fourteen floors high in a school tower with a pyramid on top. I ran to the elevators, but they were blocked by waiting occupants. Without losing momentum, I "purposely" slid on the waxed floors and fell down a flight of stairs before grinding down the rails with perfect balance. Bad idea. The stairs became a warzone as I dodged and grinded my way down the other rail, suddenly getting in a fight with a Shrek on a crude skateboard behind me on the same rail. In detail, Shrek through the first punch and I blocked. I began shouting "X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X!" as I repeatedly punched him. "B!!!" he replied, grabbing my arm and head-butted me. In the spirit of Assassin's Creed fighting, I took out a hook blade and pulled Shrek's board out from under him. ...Yeah, I regret nothing. He picked Shrek so he was destined for that kind of pain. "Skateboard data accepted. Error. Slight modification to your... liking." Cortana droned. First this school blocks out my more OP forms then they dull Cortana? Hate. It. I leaped over a flight of stairs, as I landed on a Spider Man skateboard with clear wheels and a long blue pipe with bicycle handle bars extending from the front. I pushed off with my right foot as I gave out a loud giddy laugh. "Its a bigger version of my scooter, but cleaner!" I flipped the scooter, using Alphonse Elric's head to propel me into the air and onto some rails below. "It even has that stranger's autograph! This is awesome!" I swung myself into a hall, avoiding the next set of stairs as I entered the next flight of stairs. It was surprisingly clear compared to the- *RUMBLE* My scooter disappeared for unknown reasons as I ran down the stairs, avoiding the stampede of people. Closing in was the sound of music. "Is that nostalgia I'm hearing?" Riding on a huge drum, powered by music a man tall, slender man that performed tricks that a jointless cartoon character could only do. "Great, I have to outrun Sunny... Why am I not outrunning people?!" "No super speed in the hallways. Teachers and temporary personel included." Cortana monotoned in response. "Ultimatrix! Fast Track!" "Can't do that." "Ultimatrix, The Mask!" I barked, Sunny passing me. "Can't do that." "You called? Because I'm ready to par-TAY!" The transformation triggered, but was stopped leaving me with a wooden face. Luckily, that still counted as a transformation as a shell of my ultimatrix was on its forehead. I simply shoved the face on my face, causing the teal wood to become turquoise flesh as it wrapped my head in my sudden jump. I opened my yes as a huge grin met my balled body face. "Ready for lift off?!" Somebody kicked me, my body passing Sunny as I rapidly spun into a vortex that had me in track uniform with pom poms. "Gooooo Me!!!" I tossed the cheer gear and ripped off my thick pants to reveal my shorts. Walking off as my pom poms set the stairs ablaze in a controlled explosion. I bent over in an Ace Ventura Pet Detective posture, "Buttocks AWAY!!!" In a trail of rainbow farts I muted Sunny's music so I could focus. Ya got that reader? Scroll up to shut up! "Haha! Highscore! Beat that Luna!" I shilled in Luna's chambers, freaking her out. She shrugged and pointed at the online leaderboards. "Dinkleberg..." I hopped out her open window and ran by the power of poptart cats and Loki as I traversed buildings out of sight in Canterlot. I was so close to the train that I could taste it, but the music ended and I found my self passing the missing train. I looked down to see my face collide with the edge of the station platform as ponies backed up. "Systems 100% Restored. ...I'm not going to ask." "Quick! Find my camera!" FandomPool shouted as he searched for one. There was a flash as the DeadPool from Act 2 gave me a magic photo, showing my fail. It was downloaded and enjoyed. He ran off before vanishing. "I wonder if he's displaced?" "Great, the barrier is broken." Cortana groaned as she forced another transformation. "EM conversion wave change." Mask was instantly replaced by normal Fandom Man in a skin tight suit with thick armor in needed places and a dragon themed futuristic crossbow. "Quick, pull down your visor!" I did that, revealing radio waves and magic residue. "Can we run on the magic?" "Yes, but Twilight Sparkle created a secure walkway." We heard rumblings of engines as vehicles beyond pony build sped towards the train's path. "You'd better hurry, Ghost Pony Rider has no mercy." Just as she said that, Nostalgia Critic's creation ran by roaring. "Ghost pony rider~! Ghost pony rider~!" I sang as said pony cursed at me nonstop. "His head is blazing and his tail was tragic, 'cuz he never knew friendship~... was..." "Go ahead! Say it!" he shouted. I reverted to true normal, falling on my butt into the snow. "What have we done?!" In the distance, Sombra and his displaced followers were trying to break Candence's shield, but that wasn't my focus. Surrounding the empire, many football fields away, masses of displaced humans gathered at two ends of the blizzard wasteland. There were signs of small fights, leading me to believe that one side was good, other evil, and among them were neutral people. ...Something like that. Ghost Pony Rider sat next to me, "Holy sh-" A screech filled the air, causing Sombra to pause in his attack. Once it silence a tapping was heard. It was Mayor Popeye, "We cant all be involved with the Crystal Empire. I was sent here to send some home and see who would be our hero. Don't worry, we have the support of J and K from the MIB agency, who has promised to wipe the ponies memories of this event. ...It was not meant to happen. My question to everyone is... Why change what's already good?" Next thing I know, as soon as mostly everybody turns to leave Michael Bay's Shredder tosses away the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter as he decapitates Popeye and tossed something into the crowd. What the heck?! People began running away or attempting to fight whatever was... attacking... them. "Species: Flood. Origin: Halo series. Oscar, ready a flame thrower and shotgun, the Men in Black cant handle this."