//------------------------------// // Round two! // Story: Hiyah! // by A Tin Can //------------------------------// The Great and Powerful Trixie... was down in the dumps. That Twilight Sparkle back in that backwater town had succeeded in overpowering her not once, but twice! Trixie had been hearing some rumors as of late though that there was a creature whom had managed to defeat her. So, Trixie set up a master plan to capture this beast and force it to work for her. A trail of candy leading to a box held up by a stick with a string on it. The plan was foolproof to capture this simple minded creature. Trixie waited from behind a bush patiently, hoping for her prey to arrive. If she captured this dangerous beast, ponies big and small would cheer 'Trixie the Beast Tamer!'. "Ooh, piece of candy," A masculine voice arose from above Suddenly, a bi-pedal creature in a business-stallions suit landed softly on the ground as if it were made of cotton. The creature bent over, grabbed the first piece of candy and ate it. "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". ... "Ooh, piece of candy". Now! Trixie tugged on the string, causing the box to collapse and fall over the bi-pedal creature while it bent down to pick up the candy. Trixie danced in place with glee for a brief moment, but ran over to the jiggling box to tame her newly captured servant. Trixie slowly lifted up the box, and spoke. "I have successfully outwitted you creature. Upon being bested, perhaps now you are ready to serve your new mistress, The Great and Powerful-" "Hiyah!" A pair of size eleven leather soles flew out from underneath the box and collided with Trixie's face, sending her flying several feet back before she skidded to a halt face first and stopping, groaning in pain as she slips into unconsciousness. The creature slid out from under the box and stood up, brushing itself off. "They always fall for that one," It spoke out cheerfully to no one in particular. Suddenly, a jingly ringing came from it's one of it's pockets, and it reached in to pull out a flip phone. Opening the flip phone, it put the phone up to its ear. "Yellow," It said. "Howdy!" A voice cheered out from the phone, "It's me, your employer! I just thought I'd let you know to add a few more to the list". The creature held the phone between its shoulder and head, and pulled out its list and a pen from earlier. "Kay', I'm ready when you are". "Great! Okay, first ones are Iron Will, Princess Cadance, and Shining Armor". "Overcompensating man-child, Cadance... and Armor... got it". "Next up are the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Then there's Zecora, the potion maker? And finally to add to the list is Diamond Brat and her sidekick Blunder Spoon. I'm pretty sure you know who I'm talking about, right? " "The C.M.C., the hermit lady, and... Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. That all?" "Yuppers! That should be it! I'll keep you updated whenever I can." "Alright, but I better be getting-" Click. "... Bonus pay... screw my life..." All that resounded from the phone was a dial tone now. Shaking its head and shrugging, the creature shut the phone and tucked it away. Cracking its neck, the creature jumped back up into the sky like a superhero and screamed its furious battle-cry. "Dropkick!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Gilda was not a happy Gryphon at the best of times. That being said, she was even less thrilled when she found that one of the only safe passes into her homeland, Griffonstone, was through Ponyville. She traveled Equestria for a good while, but now it was time for her to head home. Quite a shame, really. Nah, I'm just kidding, the bch needed to go. But that'll come in a second. She was slipping through the town, trying her best to not get noticed. Not paying the best of her attention, she bumped into someone. Looking up, she sees it's her again. "O-oh my, I'm so sorry," Fluttershy squeaked out. "Yeah? You should be! Always a klutz, so weak! What's wrong, leave your diapers at home baby?!" Gilda screeched out. Leaving a crying Fluttershy behind, she turned around, only to bump into a pair of well-dressed legs. Looking up, she sees a face scowling down on her in disgust. "What do you want you ugly ape?" She growled. "Your soul," it growled evilly. Gilda had no time to react as the creature bent down and uppercut her in a flash. And in the fraction of the time she was airborne, the creature jumped up. "Hiyah!" Gilda was sent flying out of town, and a sound cone began forming around her body. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!! Her body created a sonic rainboom, and soon enough the streaming rainbow Gryphon disappeared over the horizon. The ponies in the town stopped their general activities and looked at the creature in awe. With a flourished bow towards the townsfolk, the creature turned towards the startled Fluttershy. "Next time, just call this number. I'll be there free of charge the first time around, but after that you'll have to pay," It said, handing her a business card. Call 1-800-DROPKICK for your very own personal Guard, Assassin, Mercenary, Sex Escort, and so many more options! "Dropkick!" She heard the creature yell. Looking up, she saw the creature flying off, despite not having any wings. Strangely enough, she thought the creature seemed familiar, but couldn't put her hoof on it... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Danged varmints... settin up shop again in this town..." AJ grumbled. To be honest, she was upset. Those darn Flim-Flam brothers came back into town with an improved version of the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000; The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 7000. Applejack honestly didn't see much of a difference, other than the paint job and complementary cup-holders. The problem? They were actually taking customers from Sweet Apple Acres. And that stupid jingle they sung. It was catchy, but stupid. Suddenly, she heard something land beside her. She looked up to see the same fellow that helped out around the acres. And who also attacked her friends. She was conflicted with him, he was a... what was that fancy word? Enigma? Anyway, she wasn't sure what to think. Sure he helped out around the farm, clearing the orchards faster than she ever could of hoped, but he still hurt her friends. Admittedly, it was funny when she heard how it happened to Rarity, but it's still the principle of the matter! It walked towards the Flim-Flam brothers, apparently sizing them up by the way it looked at them. "Can I help you dear sir?" Flim said. "Well I'm sure my dear brother that he's here from a far away land just to try our cider!" Flam cheered. "You guys the Flim-Flam brothers?" It said in its usual masculine tone. "Why yes indeed! He's Flim!" "He's Flam!" "And we're the world famous Flim-Flam brothers!" The creature looked at them bemusedly. It put its paws to its mouth, and let out a shrill whistle. "Yo! Come on out!" it yelled. A rustling was heard from nearby bushes, and another bi-pedal creature came out. This one was different though. It's brown mane was shaggy, had blue eyes and a scruffy beard. It wore a green shirt with a picture of a tree with the words 'Got wood?' underneath, and wore baggy yoga pants and flip-flops on its lower paws. "What?" It said lazily, scratching its flank. "Dear Flim-Flam brothers, I would like to introduce ourselves. I'm Kickston, and this is my lazy brother Cuppy". "Sup," 'Cuppy' said . "Sure, he doesn't go anywhere besides my couch and eat Pringles all day, but he's still family. That's besides the point though. We have a business proposition". The unicorns' eyes brightened at that. "A... business proposition you say?" Flim asked curiously. "Yes we do. Cuppy, could you let him know more closely?" "Sure" The second one leaned in closer to Flim. Before Flim knew what happened, the unthinkable happened. "Cupcheck!" The second one swiped his hand under the stallion, and gave a swift slap to the balls. Flam was ready to go in and save his brother, when a cry was heard from the first one. "Hiyah!" Flam was sent flying back by the first ones feet, and collided with the cider making contraption, knocking him unconscious. It then got up off of the ground and dusted himself off, and walked towards the crying Flim whom clutched his stallion-hood. "Our business proposition is this; get the hell out of town and we won't do anything worse. You've caused enough problems for these simple folk who are trying to make a living. Now get the hell off of this farm!" The first one said softly at first, but yelled out at the end. Flim didn't need to be told twice, as he crawled onto the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 7000 and levitated his unconscious brother onto it, and they drove off and away. Far away. It nodded with a small smile, and turned to Applejack. "If you need anything else, don't be afraid to holler," it said, handing Applejack a business card. "Dropkick!" the creature hollered, flying off into the sky. "Dropkick!" the other one said, only for nothing to happen. "Cupcheck?" He said, hoping for results again. "Hiyah? Wort Wort Wort? Snickerdoodle?!" He tried, but to no avail. Sighing, he turns to the ponies in the crowd that had gathered for a glass of cider, all of whom were wearing masks of shock and awe. "Uhh... do any of you have a phone I could use real quick? I need to call a cab". Applejack had right then and there decided that, despite his methods, this being was a great friend to have, and would cherish its business card. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Perfection is the reason why He is here! He has come to give us a chance of salvation, and to show us that our newly found light is underneath His hands!" Lyra yelled from a podium. A decently sized crowd of ponies had actually gathered around her. Bon-Bon was sitting in the back, with her face resting deeply within her hoof at Lyra's antics. A few days ago, A 'Hue-min' had appeared, and attacked some ponies, more specifically went after The Elements. It came by later today and kicked a poor gryphon into oblivion. Granted, that gryphon was causing problems, but she didn't need to suffer like that. And not to mention that, most recently, he attacked the Flim-Flam brothers too. "He has delivered divine punishment to those who cross the innocent, and those who are loyal to the tyranny of Celestia. This. Is. The end! But do not be wary fellows, for the end He brings will be His followers' new beginning! He will bring us into a crusade against the wicked!" "Excuse me miss?" A voice said from the backstage. Bon-Bon turned, and looked on with uncertain fear. Lyra's head turned toward the creature, and stared on with glee. "Our dark lord and savior is here, for He is here to spread His wisdom!" Lyra gleefully yelled as the creature walked onto the stage with a set of index cards. "Ahem, alright," it began, "First off; do you sincerely think I'm a god?! Pfft, that's the greatest bit of comedy I've ever heard. I'm far from godly. Hell, last week I farted in the cheese aisle at a grocery store. Then a couple came by and complimented how good the cheese there smelled. Do you know how awkward that was for me? Secondly, if you want to be religious nutcases talking about crusades, just read the damn Bible. At least then you'd be mainstream about it. So stop worshiping me please. I'm not a god, I'm just your average twenty-seven year old male human who happens to be in the 'soldier for hire' business. Nothing more, nothing less. Actually, I used to be a sex escort too, but I stopped that after that one time with... ughh... tentacles everywhere... never mind". And with that, the creature began to walk off stage, but stopped. "Oh, almost forgot. Hiyah!" He flew back at Lyra, and drop-kicked her. She flew back against the wall, colliding with it. The creature walked up to her and crouched down to whisper in her ear. "Psst, please tear down that shrine of me you have in your closet. It's beyond creepy". Lyra, despite having imaginary birds flying around her head, blushed and nodded. "Right then. Dropkick!" ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Celestia was reading the letter with worry. According to her student, a creature was in Ponyville causing havoc. The strange thing about this creature was its intentions. While it was caught committing acts of kindness and aiding the townsfolk, it was also attacking innocent ponies. This creature was almost as confusing as Discord. So in order to take care of it, she sent Equestrias finest guards, along with the recently appointed Captain Flash Sentry. She just hoped they could capture the creature for questioning. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "C'mon... are we there yet?" "Green, if you don't shut up, I will personally buck you out of this carriage. And it'll be an awfully long drop for you". Flash was sent to a town called Ponyville to find a tall creature in a business-stallion suit. It didn't help that he decided to take a pair of recruits on this mission as well. "Oh c'mon Fresh, you don't mean that, right?" Green Grass said. "Depends, you wanna find out?" Fresh Bait replied. As to why or how these two managed to pass the entry exams and survive training, it was a mystery to him. Luckily for him though, they weren't the only ones on this mission. Along with him were eighteen well trained guards, all primed and ready to take this beast down. The carriages safely touched down just outside of the town, and the soldiers emptied out. The reason they brought this many guards to apprehend one creature was so they could spread out and find it faster, and because of Celestia warning of how dangerous it was. "Remember fillies and colts, we're here on a mission. Stay frosty," The captain ordered. Just as the guards were ready to split up, they heard a cry from above. "Hiyah!" The creature they were looking for was ready to crash onto them. Acting on instinct, one of the guards blasted the creature with a magic bolt, sending the creature hurtling away before it crashed in some bushes. "That thing was a threat?" Green muttered. Suddenly, the creature burst out of the bushes, looking angry. "You ruined my tie!" It yelled out. "Oh great, it's a vanity freak," Fresh groaned. The creature charged towards the guards and jumped into the air again. "Hiya-" it didn't get to finish its yell as it was blasted back with another bolt. Getting up, it charged and jumped again. "Hi-" But was unfortunately blasted again. "H-" And again. "Hiy-" And again. Eventually, the creature was blasted back a final time, skidding across the road. It slowly got up, groaning in pain. Its business suit was completely tattered, and it was coated in bloody wounds and scrapes, but it still stood with a fire in its eye. "Screw you! I don't need to put up with this crap!" it yelled, running off towards the town. "After it!" Flash yelled. Suddenly, as they were chasing the creature, a tune started to fill the air seemingly out of nowhere. The creature ran through the town, dodging townsfolk and carts to and fro, with the guard in hot pursuit. One of the faster guards almost caught up to it, when a cart appeared out of nowhere between the two. Unable to slow down, she crashed into the cart, freshly coated in mushed apples. The pony hauling the cart was Applejack, and she tipped her hat to the creature. The creature looked back, and smiled with a nod. The creature was coming near the town sqaure, but saw a small group of guards ahead, in a peculiar triangular formation. Get struck with an idea, the creature grinned. "Hiyah!" He yelled, flying straight towards the center guard. The guards were unfortunately charged through like paper, and were knocked over like bowling pins. "Strike!" It yelled, continuing down the road. Spotting an alley to the left, it charged over to prepare. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Flash and the guards saw the creature dive into the alley. Sending an order to surround the alley, the guards did just that. Flash noticed movement in the alley and something glowing for a minute. "Alright creature!" Flash yelled,"We have you surrounded. You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be used against you in the Court of Law. What is your defense?" A low, muffled chuckling was heard from the alley, and a pair of unblinking, glowing green eyes rose up to stare at flash, sending a chill up his. "My defense? t51-b power armor. Hiyah!" The creature started to charge, which Flash responded to by throwing his spear. A metallic clinking was heard, and he saw why. The creature was flying through the air in a suit that seemed impossible to even move. Flash couldn't help it; he froze up in fear. The creatures now armored feet collided with the soldiers face, sending the pegasus flying into a building across the street and through a window. "And that's for all the worthless forty year-old neck-beards back home in their mothers' basements!" The creature yelled from behind its helmet. All the guards looked at the now armored creature in awe. But nonetheless, lifted their spears up at him. "Oh? That's cute, really is. But you're not on my list, so don't worry. Dropkick!" the creature yelled, flying off into the sky. The pegasi were unable to fly after him, due to the speed he took off at. The recruits lean in to one of the other guards. "Psst... is this what all of these missions are like?" Green asked. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Rarity was in her shop, nursing her still sore body. Luckily, insurance covered the property damage, and considering Ponyvilles accident streak, they worked fast on getting it fixed. Although she was sore, she didn't suffer anything other than a couple of bruises and a concussion, but they let her out after a couple of days. Still though, she was unhappy that such a handsome fellow wasn't as friendly as he appeared. Ja-cling! Speak of Sombra and he shall appear. Here was the creature again, but his suit was torn up and dirty. Not to mention he had wounds covering his body. "Greetings madam," He said tiredly, "You uhhh... you're a seamstress, right?" "Yes..." She said slowly,"And judging by your appearance, I'd say you need your suit fixed?" "Yes I do". "Hmm... I don't know... I may be the Element of Generosity, but considering how you treated me last time... what's it worth to you?" "You aren't the only one I've kicked you know. Blueblood happens to be next on my list, you wanna come and see it?" "You drive a hard bargain Mr..." "Kickston... just Kickston..." "Hmm... understood Mr. Kickston, but one more condition..." "Yes? Please, anything, I need this suit ready as soon as possible". "Would you like to take me out for dinner later this evening?" "... You're kidding, right?" "Welll... if the suit doesn't mean that much to you..." "Sigh, fine. Does seven o' clock sound good?" "Yes, it sounds excellent. Unfortunately, I wont have the suit done in a little bit based on its appearance, so you'll have to wait a while. Come by at five to pick it up, and it should be good". "Mother of... understood". "Excellent! Now if you wouldn't mind taking it off?" "... understood madam". ~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The creature was spotted by ponies walking out of carousel boutique, but the weird thing about it right now was that it was wearing nothing but a pair of undergarments and several bandages. Looking up at the clock tower, the creature sees it's one o' clock. The creature looks down on itself, and frowns. "Well... serves me right for not packing a spare suit in my hammer-space pocket... this is gonna be awkward... Dropkick!" And with that, the almost naked creature flew out into the sky. Heading towards Canterlot.