//------------------------------// // Far too long a walk // Story: Crimson Titanium And Stoutheart Chivalry's Incommodious Quest // by The Brony Spartan //------------------------------// " .. ..... ... nd dat's teh storey of how my grandparants, my uncles, my ants, my bruther, al my friends, , my cat, my ants, and my to goldfish wer all killled in a horible minigolf acsident, and now oi can tel u abot teh time i-" Applejack groaned loudly, hoping that the vibrations would cause her eardrums to explode. She had already asked Titanium to stop talking seven times; thrice politely; twice sternly; and another two times with the additional tact of profanity. Each time he simply paused his exposition until she had looked away, and then continued ranting monotonously about his adventures in hurting things, a few of which were civilians, himself, and a 6th grader named Derek. They were slowly but surely moving deeper into town, towards Twilight's castle, and Applejack was thankful for it. Hopefully she could find a way to get them to Hot Topic sometime today, and return to the peace and quiet of her work. It was a sunny, cloudless day in the quaint little town of Ponyville. The recently risen sun shone brightly on the thatched-roofed cottages, playfully threatening to burninate them, as the ponies were beginning to hustle and bustle, exchanging bits and good tidings in the warm summer sun, smiling and waving at Applejack, and only occasionally gawking at the ponies in tow with her. Just then, a familiar voice struck the air. "Hiya Applejack! What's new?" said Pin"Oh! These guys must be what's new, because I've never seen them in Ponyville before!" said P"Actually, I've never seen you guys anywhere before!"sa"Which kinda goes without saying, because I live in Ponyville and outside of going on adventures with you girls, I don't really leave Ponyville that often, unless I'm delivering goodies for Mr. and Ms. cake! But anyways, my name's Pinkie Pie, what's yours?" Said Pinkie Pie. "my nam is cremsun titanium." Crimson said, his voice wrought with arrogance, "an i am da ultimat lafe form!!" "Ooh, cool! But, don't 'cha mean Crimson Titanium?" Pinkie Pie inquired innocently. "... how ar u reeding the words im saying???" Crimson said. "Well duhh!" said Pinkie P"I'm a horse, silly! I eat a lot of carrots." It was then that Pinkie Pie noticed the other unicorn was staring at her, bug-eyed; and drooling slightly. Perhaps he was hungry,- Stoutheart laid his eyes upon the perfect maiden before him, and she laid her eyes upon him. Surely she found him irresistible; he hoped it, wished it; dare he say, he prayed it. This beautiful, perfect, female. Innocent and sweet, lovable in every way, his life would be a pointless nothing were it not for her. He would make this flawless angel his wife, this he knew. He had to charm her, for he knew then that it was the only thing that he had ever truly wanted, and without her he could never want anything again. For what can a man strive, ask yourself, once he has met with perfection? However, of all the words of romance that whipped through his mind, Stoutheart could only manage two: "M-muh waifu," correcting himself swiftly, Stoutheart regained his gentlemanly air just in time to save face, "Ah, M'lady," he said, coming close to her to put her under his romantic spell. -but he was quite static, perhaps he was so hungry that he'd suffered brain damage. Pinkie Pie certainly hoped that wasn't the case. Stoutheart seemed to mumble something, then returned to his staring. Maybe she should ask Applejack why- "MLADY!" shouted Stoutheart, running dramatically for less than two feet, then stopped inches from her, before moving closer still, "MY NAME IS-i-is Stoutheart Chivalry M'lady, and I would be honored to-to go out with a woman as mesmeric and-and-and topsome! A-as yourself." "Sure!", Pinkie replied, pleasantly surprised at the acquisition of a new friend, "Where did you wanna go? The fair? The arcade?" Pinkie let out a tremendous gasp, not unli"The swimming hole?! Ohmygosh, that would be just terrific! I can introduce you to all my other friends, and-" "I-I uh, you misapprehend me, m'lady," Interrupted Stoutheart, "A lady as prepossessing as yourself is deserving of romance." Pinkie cocked her head in confusion, "Rome-ants? What are those?" Stoutheart now knew that truly, there could be no god, for no living thing could wish such pain upon another. He turned away, he would not let such a flawless thing see him cry. Looking to the sky, he spoke only two words, "Friendzoned again." Applejack buried her face in her hooves, she wasn't getting any quiet today, if Crimson didn't make sure of that, Pinkie would, "Can ya'll stop with the soap opera so we can get a move on?" "i waz in da middl ofa storyyy!!1!" Crimson protested, "so wen me and satsuke got to tha death egg..." Just then, Applejack had an idea, "Hey Pinkie Pie," "Yees AJ jay-jay?" Pinkie said, wishing that Applejack truly was a small, green monkey. "I was talkin' to these two on the way to Twilight's," Applejack said, putting her arm around the neck of the still-droning alicorn, "And Crimson here's a baker, in fact, he would love to hear anythin' you've got to say on the matter." "Awwwwesome! What did'ja wanna hear about? Huh-Huh-Huh?" Pinkie pestered, bouncing around him with ea"Baking tips? How about remembering measurements? ♪Three teaspoons a tablespoon makes, sixteen of those for a Cup to bake,♪ Oh, how about some modifications to basic recipes?" Pinkie gasped loudl"Did you know you can use sour cream in place of yogurt? Ohmigosh, this is gonna be so much fun!" Applejack was relieved, if she had to put up with noise, the would rather hear how to bake a pound cake five times than how Crimson has found new and interesting ways to kick puppies. And in the distance she saw Twilight's castle, finally. She might get back to work after all. She wondered, though, why she felt as if someone very far away was laughing manically at her.