My Little Pirates: Luffy's Adventures in Equestria

by Fullmetal Pony


Chaos

"Let me go!" Luffy complained. The ethereal golden chains around his legs refused to budge.

"No," Celestia replied in a cold tone. "You've already done enough damage as it is. Besides, I assure you, the Canterlot Dungeons are much more comfortable than what the Government would throw you into."

"Err!" Luffy roared. "I'm not going to any dungeon! I'm going back to my ship!"

He raised up his front hooves and slammed them back into the ground. The floor quaked and cracked and the area the chains were connected to fragmented. Without a proper anchor, the chains evaporated. Luffy didn't waste any time and sped away from Celestia toward the doors at the back of the hall.

Celestia signed and lit up her horn once more. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to violence."

A wall of flames rose up in front of the door and blocked off Luffy's escape. He spun around just in time to see a golden ray coming straight at him. He jumped out of the way and grasped onto a nearby pillar. The beam continued on its path and left the floor of the royal hall scorching red.

“Geez! That’s ho–” Some smoke drifted into Luffy's nose and he noticed that the tip of his tail was on fire. He released one of his hooves from the pillar and flailed at his tail to quench the flames. “Ah! Hot! Hot! Hot!”

        “This can all stop if you just surrender quietly," Celestia called up to Luffy.

       Luffy managed to stomp out the flames and looked down at Celestia. “Why are you trying to kill me anyway? All I did was ask for a boat!”

        “Why?” Celestia hissed. “Because if you escape, I know you’ll return! I won't let you hurt my subjects!" Celestia sent a bolt of lightning at Luffy, but it only harmlessly crackled around him.

        “Fire and lightning? Ponies are crazy with this magic stuff.”

        “Er, that’s right, you’re a rubber man if what I’ve heard is correct,” Celestia scowled. “This would be easier if you hadn't corrupted Twilight and her friends.”

        “Hey, I was just asking for a way to get out of here!”

        “You told them of the outer world! Perverted their minds with human horrors! How dare you!” Celestia flung a wave magic that Luffy barely dodged as it smashed the pillar he’d just leapt from.

“They just asked me where I was from! Sheesh! What’s wrong with telling stories?”

“Your stories, all human stories, entice and trick my little ponies into going into your world!" Celestia snapped her head in Luffy's direction and let loose another wave of magic. "What do they find when they get there? No treasure, no adventure, just suffering and despair!”

More magic arced out of Celestia's horn. By now, a good part of the royal hall was scorched and blackened and very few pillars remained unscathed. “Then there were the pirates who came here, spreading sin, disorder, and chaos!” Celestia’s voice turned into a booming typhoon of noise as she summoned a sphere of magic with fire and lighting shooting off from it.

“Uh-oh!” Luffy swung for the giant glass mural behind Celestia’s throne and crashed through it. The ball zipped over his head while he disappeared into the shadows beneath the throne room.

“Darn!” Celestia exclaimed. She floated over to the broken mural and look down. She kicked a jagged piece of glass into the night. “I can’t let him escape... what if he makes it back to sea?” Celestia’s lip quivered a little, but then she steeled her resolve. “He won’t get far, the garden is enclosed...” Celestia’s eyes went wide when she realized what she’d just said. “Oh no, the garden!” Celestia instantly teleported away.

“What is that pony’s problem?” Luffy complained. He leapt through a thick hedge only to meet another one. “Everypony else on this island seemed really nice. Why do they have such a mean princess?”

Instead of jumping through another hedge he turned left. The path led into a square filled with statues. “Oh well, guess I’ll have to find a ship another way.” Luffy looked around while he trotted. Most of the statues were of ponies, but there was one odd statue in the middle that caught Luffy’s attention for a second. It had a snake-like body, one eagle claw, one bear claw, one pony leg, one dragon leg, one pegasus wing, and one bat wing. “What a weird statue.”

“Get back, Straw Hat Luffy!” Celestia appeared in a flash, but now her mane had lost its multi-colored hue and had instead become orange, red, and flaming. “You will not unleash him!”

“Who?”

A giddy cackled filled the air as Celestia’s mane lost its fire.“Me!”

“No!” she cried out.

“Oh yes!” the voice called back. “I must admit, no pirates being around when I came back last time was quite the downer. But just the turmoil it has caused you alone is so rich, Celestia!”

“Enough games!” Celestia yelled at the voice. “I see your statue, but I know you’re not really there! Show yourself!”

“Why? So you can summon your little Elements to seal me again? Bleh! How cliché! Although...” Luffy felt something drape itself on his shoulder. “I really should thank you, Straw Hat.” He jumped back to see that the statue had been resting its eagle claw on him, only it wasn’t a statue anymore.

“What the heck are you?” Luffy asked.

“Oh, I have many names: chaos, disorder, soapy-road summoner...” A bolt of lightning struck the creature in the back. He glared back at Celestia, and waved his paw. An invisible force knocked her to the ground and a solid statue of the creature appeared out of thin air and held her to the ground. “But you can just call me Discord. Nice to meet another bringer of chaos.”

“You’re weird looking.”

Discord snarled a little, but controlled himself. “Yes, I get that a lot. Then again, I’m not the pirate with a swordsman who uses three swords, a manipulative navigator, a long-nosed sharpshooter, a perverted chef, an assassin historian, a raccoon dog pet, and a robot for a crew. Nice pick on the robot by the way.”

“How does everything on this island either know about me or not know about me?” Luffy asked as he kept his distance for Discord.

“You’d be amazed how much of an open book a mind in turmoil can be.” Discord looked at Celestia. She was firing blasts at the statue but to no avail and remained trapped. “Every time you and your crew caused bedlam and Celestia had to attend her warlord duties, whatever that is, and she always had such a frazzled mind afterwards. As a bonus, there’s now a war brewing!” Discord squeed. “I love you humans! Even if Celestia doesn’t let you come here, you’re such a good source of disharmony! Speaking of which...” Discord snapped his paw and the night sky was instantly filled with pink clouds.

“Huh?” Luffy said as he looked up at the sky. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, that’s right.” Discord scratched his head with his eagle claw. “It was your pet that liked cotton candy, oh well.” Discord snapped his paw again and a torrent of chocolate milk fell on them.

“Woah!” Luffy exclaimed as he taste the chocolate milk. “That’s awesome!”

“Finally! Someone who appreciates my work! Ha! I’ve been waiting at least fi–”

Foul Beast!” came a shout from the air. “Unhand thine sister and go back to the shadows!” A dark blue shape slammed into Discord, knocking him on his back. The statue Celestia was under dissolved into water. Now that the blue shape had stopped, Luffy could see that her form was an alicorn that looked like the night itself.

“Sister!” Luna cried. She rushed over to Celestia's side and helped her up. “What happened? I saw the clouds over the garden and came as fast as I could!”

“I... I’m sorry, Luna,” Celestia pleaded. “I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to get hurt again.”

“How cute.” Discord floated above all three ponies as lightning and chocolate rain filled the skies. “You two remind me of when you first challenged me. Only this time you don’t have your saving grace! I’ll take care of the two of you and then I’ll handle the Elements!” Discord flashed an insane grin at the two alicorns. “Who knows, maybe I’ll just leave the land in chaos to participate in the war!”

“No!” Celestia yelled as she got to her hooves and began charging her horn. “You are a plague upon Equestria and a scourge to all ponies! I won’t let your madness spread beyond my realm! You’re also a fool to think I didn’t have countermeasures after last time!”

A thick rainbow-colored bolt of magic erupted out of Celestia's horn and zoomed straight at Discord.

“Celestia, still the little rebel you were all those centuries ago.” Discord raised up his bear paw and yawned into it. “Oh yes, that little spell of yours. Too bad you were thinking about it while your mind was a mess!” Discord caught the bolt with his eagle claw and sent it back in Celestia’s direction with increased speed.

“Sister!” Luna rushed to Celestia's side and slammed into her. “Move!”

“Luna!” Celestia cried as the magic zapped Luna. There was a flash and then a grey statue of Luna fell to the ground. Discord instantly teleported in front of it and picked it up with his tail.

“Tch-tch-tch, really Celestia?” Discord teased. “First the moon and now stone? You really aren’t good at this big sister thing.”

“What just happened?” Luffy asked.

“Silence, Straw Hat! This doesn’t concern you!” Celestia hissed before she turned her attention back to Discord. “Release her!”

“Not familiar with hostage situations, are we?” Discord mused as he swung Luna’s statue around with his tail. “See, I’m calling the shots now. I want Equestria back and your help sneaking into this war.”

“Never!” Celestia yelled.

“Ah-ah-ah.” Discord hung Luna’s statue upside down. “Would be a shame if this nice statue broke.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oi, weird thing.” Luffy looked up at the dangling statue. “You’re kinda being a jerk.”

Discord ignored Luffy and kept his focus on Celestia. “What’s to stop me? I’m Discord, remember?”

“I know you, Discord,” Celestia stomped her hoof to the ground. “You always said we were too much fun to kill.”

Discord lost his smile for a second. Then he replaced it with a scowl. “I really do hate you, Celestia.” Discord raised his tail up. “You're such a party popper!” Discord brought his tail and the statue to the ground. But only his tail touched the ground. “Oh horsefeathers!” Luffy had grabbed the statue. “Straw Hat, you ruined the fun!”

“There wasn’t anything fun about that!” Luffy glared at Discord. “You were going to kill her!”

“Do you know how boring they are? Why don’t you get your crew and help me overthrow th–” Discord was interrupted by a hoof to his face.

Don’t talk like you know my crew!” Luffy yelled with a volume that made Celestia’s jaw drop.

“The Royal Canterlot Voice! That’s...” Celestia looked over at her still frozen sister. “It doesn’t matter, hopefully they’ll take each other out. Don’t worry sister,” Celestia’s horn started to glow, “it’ll be over soon.” Celestia was gone in a flash.

“You hit me!” Discord rubbed the hoof mark in his face. “Celestia never hit me!”

“I’m not Celestia,” Luffy replied.

“What’s with the hostility Straw Hat?" Discord spread out his paw and claw. "Isn’t fun and pandemonium what you pirates like?”

“You’re not fun, you’re just a stitched together jerk.”

“Ugh." Discord levitated off the ground and got back onto his legs. “You pirates are so fickle. One second you like my chocolate rain and then the next second you’re complaining that I turned off the gravity.” Discord snapped his fingers and suddenly it was daytime. “I’ll take care of you and then I’ll handle the others!”

Discord snapped his claw and a jagged beam of magic sprung out of it.

Luffy dodged and flung a hoof at Discord. "Gum-Gum Pistol!"

The attack phased through Discord. His voice called out, “Behind you Straw Hat!”

Luffy spun around and was smacked by Discord's paw. He flew a few feet a way skidded against the ground. He pushed himself off and pressed a hoof on the area where Discord had hit him. "Ow! I’m rubber! How did that hurt so much?!”

“Oh that’s right!” Discord raised up his paw and grasped the air. A force pushed on Luffy's neck and he clawed at it. “You’re a rubber man... pony, whatever! Sounds like a neat skill to imitate!”

Luffy flailed a leg at Discord, who vanished again. The magic strangling him abated and he fell to the ground gasping for air.

“I have a fun game to play.” Discord snapped his fingers again. His form shifted until he resembled a mirror image of Luffy. He still had the odd animal appendages, but his main body and head were now like Luffy’s, except for his fanged mouth and yellow eyes. “Let’s see who’s really the best rubber pony, shall we?”

“You jerk!” Luffy sent his forehooves flying backwards. They then zipped past him and straight at Discord. “Gum-Gum Bazooka!”

“Gum-Gum Balloon!” Discord yelled back as his body inflated to cushion the blow. “Oh, now that is quite odd! Interesting!”

“No fair!” Luffy complained. “Get your own techniques!”

“C’mon, Straw Hat! It’s a game, let’s have some fun!” Discord laughed and started sending Gum-Gum Pistols in Luffy’s direction.

“Sorry!” Luffy got out of the way of the attacks and planted his legs firmly into the ground. They expanded and then contracted back to normal size. At the same time, steam emanated from Luffy's body and his coat gained a pink sheen. “I don’t have time to play games! Gear Second!”

“Gear wh–”

“Jet Pistol!” Luffy’s attack hit Discord before the beast could even finish his question.

“Ugh!” Discord's body rippled and reverted back to its original shape. Another attack came his way but he teleported away from it just before it struck. His voice then filled the garden. “You’re right Straw Hat, that wasn’t fun. I’ve got a better idea.” There was a snap and then Luffy was surrounded by hundreds of Discords.

“Only one of me is solid!” they all said in unison. “Try and find the real me! Better hurry!”

“Jet Buck!” Luffy kicked his back leg and sent Discord flying into a wall.

“You brat!” he cursed as he picked himself out of the rubble. “Fine! I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no choice!” Discord snapped his paw again and then all the other Straw Hats, still human, were in front of him. “What do you say to this?”

“You better let go of them!” Luffy yelled.

“Oi Luffy!” Zoro said. “What’s the big idea letting us get blasted away like that?”

“Yeah” Sanji complained. “What a crappy captain you are!”

“I...” Luffy stuttered.

“I just wanted to become a good doctor!” Chopper cried.

“You didn’t make me feel super this week Luffy!” Franky yelled.

“How am I gonna be a brave warrior now?” Ussop yelled a Luffy.

“Everyone... I...” Luffy started to collapse to the ground.

“Why Luffy?” Robin asked.

“Why couldn’t you save us?” Nami asked.

Noooo!” Luffy yelled as the sky cracked and fell to pieces.

Discord lost his smile. “Impossible! Nothing has broken my spell! Not even Twilight! Damn it! I need to...” Discord froze. Luffy was slowly trotting towards him. “Oh, um, Straw Hat, that was just a joke. You know, silly old spirit of chaos and all... we can talk this out, right?”

“Gum-Gum...” steam began pouring faster out of Luffy’s body. He started to race over to Discord.

“Oh crap! I... I’ll let you co-rule okay? Our own little chaotic kingdom!” Luffy kept barreling at Discord. In return, Discord stated summoning walls, but they were instantly smashed. “Forget it! You can have all the kingdom! I’ll leave and never...” Luffy disappeared for an instant and reappeared above Discord. “Please! You can have all the chocolate milk you wa–”

“Jet Stampede!” Luffy unleashed a volley of all four of his hooves on Discord. The draconequus got the beating of his life. Luffy stopped when the ground beneath the monster cracked.

Luffy landed on the ground and looked over the form of his beaten opponent. “Sorry, but I only want to be the pirate king.”