//------------------------------// // The Bath Scene (Because Every Good Story Has One!) // Story: The great Laharl - The tale of a displaced Overlord // by Hoppa_21 //------------------------------// “I already told you! I’m not going to take a bath!” I screamed back at Rarity, who was trying to convince me friendly first. But I refused to give in. She was probably trying to be nice to the ‘new’ family member. But after about ten minutes she seemed rather frustrated with my stubborn attitude. I just crossed my arms to underline my protesting demeanor. “And I already told you, that you are NOT going to stay here, if you smell like a junkyard!” “Well, don’t mind me leaving then!” “B-but you can’t leave! You and Sweetie Belle are bound by tradition!” I gritted my teeth at this. She wanted to pull this through and didn’t listen to my reasoning. I mean, grooming was point seven on my hate list! Of course I would avoid it! It was a perfectly legit reason! “When did you even bath the last time!” I heard her ask. A wide grin appeared on my face as I announced proudly, “It must have been a thousand years, since I can’t even remember my last bath!” It was a great achievement and I took great pride in it. But Rarity somehow seemed shocked at this. I wonder why? She gasped dramatically. “Oh my! You haven’t bathed in YEARS!” I just nodded, still as proud as I could be. Maybe I could up it to 2000 years without bathing? That would be an even greater achievement! Rarity meanwhile frowned, before she got a determined look on her face that was somehow unsettling. “YOU! BATH!! NOW!!!” “AS IF! I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU MAKE ME!” This was definitely the wrong thing to say, since she accepted the challenge immediately. I was manhandled or abominationhandled by her magic. She carried me out the door and down the aisle to the bathroom. I meanwhile flailed in her magic, in an attempt to stop this mad mare from ruining my world record. “STOP ACTING LIKE A FOAL! IT’S JUST A BATH!!” As I would care about this. She was the one, who was dragging me along with her freaky magic against my will! I was understandably rather indignant due to her behavior and I might have sworn a ‘little’ along our short trip. Rarity visibly flinched at every single swear I made. “YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A FUCKING CACTUS!!! YOU FU-MHMHMHHH!!!” Well, I was silenced with a bar of soap yet again. I wondered at this point where she gets them. I mean, it was the second time and we weren’t even in the bathroom yet! Does she hide soap in all rooms of her house? This really was a great mystery, which I wanted to solve. Rarity was meanwhile red in her face. It was clear, that she was downright livid. “I WON’T STAND FOR THIS BRUTISH BEHAVIOUR! IF YOU THINK YOU CAN CORRUPT MY LITTLE SWEETIE WITH YOUR FOUL TONGUE THEN LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!“ I just stood, or floated there dumbfounded. I weighed my options and thought, that I should lay off the swears for now. Wouldn’t be good to piss off the mare, who had me in her irresolvable grip any more than necessary. It’s not like I could swear with that bar of soap in my mouth anyway. But that wouldn’t mean, that I would just play along in this devilish scheme of cleaning myself. As we entered the bathroom. I was lucky enough to hold on the doorframe for my dear life. Rarity tugged at me, but no matter how hard she pulled, I had a steely resolve of not letting a bath happen to me. I could tell, that she was getting annoyed by this. “LET GO! YOU NEED THE BATH!!” “HMHHHMMMMMMMMHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Or translated from Soapish to English: LIKE I CARE!!! She stopped pulling for a moment to catch her breath. “Why are you *pant* making this so hard *pant* for me? *pant* It is just *pant* a bath for *pant* Celestias sake!” I cringed at that name. That stupid cunt. She is probably sipping her tea right now and living in luxury, with cooks tending to her every need, while I’m here clinging for my dear life to avoid one of my greatest foes, hygiene! Well, maybe it is not so bad. She could have gotten fat over the years and with that weak. I grinned inwardly at this thought. Yeah, definitely worth all my suffering, if she was in fact a fatty. Celestia sneezed. She was sitting on her balcony, drinking a refreshing cup of Lemon Grass tea. There was a fresh breeze of air and she had to shudder a little. It was a rather rare sight to see HER shudder. As the Alicorn of the sun, she was constantly radiating warmth after all. Maybe one of the reasons, ponies came closer to her in the winter. Of course closer as in bowing-closer NOT bedroom-closer. Get your mind out of the gutter! But to get back on the topic, she was a living heater! Add to the fact that a millennia of dealing with politicians lead to her controlling every muscle in her body and face perfectly, so that she could send only the signals of her body language, which she WANTED to send. She can’t let ambassadors see her annoyed or angered after all. And let’s just say this, there are few things that could break her controlled body language. One of them was the feeling of having gained weight. It was hard for Celestia to know, if her weight was normal. It is not like, there were other ponies as tall as her after all. And that didn’t even consider the wings AND the horn! Pegasi, earth ponies and unicorns had their own weight spreadsheet, due to their different build. It was all about the different factors of the different tribes. Pegasi for example were lighter, due to the magic, which gathered in their wings, while the magic of earth ponies lead to them being heavier, even when they didn’t look like it! Oh, and unicorn magic didn’t have an effect on the weight at all, since they channel their magic outwards and didn’t keep it in them, like the other to tribes! The question was here of course, how you could judge the weight of an Alicorn, who had all three of these characteristics! Would the effects nullify each other and lead to a unicorn weight spreadsheet or would the earth pony strength dominate the other two characteristics and lead to a higher weight and the use of the earth pony weight spreadsheet? This of course frustrated her and so she used all three spreadsheets, but the result of it was sobering. She was overweight on all three spreadsheets! Maybe Alicorns had a higher frontier, when it came to overweight? It was her only consolation and without the necessary proof it was a pretty poor consolation, if any at all. A pity she wasn’t up for the research departments request to solve the spreadsheet problems by using her as a test subject. Let’s just say the Alicorn of the sun isn’t prone to a doctor’s visit. With that gone, her only hope would be to compare herself to the other Alicorns, but Celestia didn’t have much other Alicorns to compare to and not to mention, that she was remarkably taller than the others! She sighed. She has the feeling to have gained weight again. She looked at her piece of cake, contemplating, if she should cut the cake short for a while or not. But this sinful delight was so tempting… In the end she lost the fight against her inner demons and dived straight in. It’s not like a single piece of cake would bring down her demise. Well, probably a second or third couldn’t hurt too then… Back to the bathing business However, I must not dwell on these thoughts of my archnemesis. I need to make an escape plan. As if the great Laharl would just take a bath, because a stupid pony told him to do so! The chances were higher that an untrained timid pony could intimidate a dragon! “I didn’t want to do it, but you are leaving me no other choice!” I quickly turned my head to see, that the mad unicorns horn was glowing, as in glowing more, as it would with just the levitation spell. And then she shoot some freaking spell at me! Afterwards I couldn’t move a single finger anymore. A smirk formed on her face. “Stunning spell. Works every time!” My eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks, as she slowly opened the grasp I had on the doorframe and then slowly floated me over to the bath tube which was huge by the way. Huge enough to hold at least six ponies! It was a jetted tube in square form. Quite luxury, as was the mirrors on the wall with small stools. The sink was an alabaster white, just like the whole room with golden ornaments. As well as the sink and some shelves, with towels and shampoos and god knows what else! Where was already water in the tub, with a whole lot of bath foam in it. It was technically a bubble bath. They seemed to be somewhat wealthy up to a point. Maybe healthy enough so that I could rebuild my place? Then this marriage wouldn’t be pointl- I mentally slapped myself. Stop thinking like that! It. Is. Not. Going. To. Happen! I was shook out of my mental self-loathing as I could feel the blanket getting dragged away from my form, so that I was bare naked. My face turned red, but at least mad whitey had the decency to replace it immediately with a towel, before she was setting me down in the bath tub. Great. Now it happened! I can forget the 2000-years-without-a-bath-record-try! She then looked around the room for a while, like she was searching for something, or somepony in this case. “I’m really wondering, where Sweetie Belle had run off to. She just wanted to prepare the bath for you. I hope she is not planning anything…unladylike. Especially since she was pouting, after I denied her a bath with you.” She then sighed. “I’m going to look after her. You stay here. I will be back and help you with the bathe then, since you obviously have no idea how to clean yourself properly!” Well, it is kind of hard to do with a stunning spell cast on me, you stuck up jerk! I had to cringe after this as the humiliating thought of being washed hit home, as she scooted off. One thing was clear, I needed to get out of here, immediately! I am the overlord! Getting washed like a baby was out of the question. This shame would follow me my entire life! I tried to move with all my might, but it didn’t really help. I even had the feeling that it was easier to break out of the stone prison! Maybe that was because I had an extreme motivation to move? Not that it isn’t a motivation, that she threatened to wash me like a baby, but I had the thought, that I could still convince her otherwise, if she would take the soap out of my mouth. Then suddenly something purple and pink rose out of the water. It was not much, but the tuft of hair was enough to increase my heartbeat tenfold and I came to a realization, which made my blood boil. WHY DID SHE EVEN LEAVE ME ALONE, WHEN SHE KNEW, THAT THE MARSHMALLOW IS AFTER ME!!! But these thoughts didn’t hold long and my blood run cold instantly, as I mulled this situation over. I was alone. Alone in a room with the mad marshmallow. Naked. And she… God, please tell me she is wearing a swimsuit! Suddenly the tuft of hair started moving in my direction. I could instantly hear an old movie tune playing inside my head. I was bracing myself for the worst and cursed silently the universe, who seemed to like the idea of providing me the necessary motivation too intense my trashing against my bindings or in this case the stunning spell. The tuft ever came closer and I trashed, like my life depended on it. I screamed for my dear life, even if only a muffled scream was the result, due to the bar of soap. Our little shark didn’t really care for it and scooted closer and closer until it was right in front of me. My heart rate increased even further. I thought, it might jump out of my chest any moment now. Dread overcame me, as this was like a déjà vu. It reminded me of yesterday. All my trashing didn’t help me in the end and I felt like mere prey, to this surprisingly soft furry predator. I was HER prey. Some of you might wonder, how I know the soft furry part, right? To make it easy, I could feel her HAND on my CHEST, as she slowly surfaced from the water. Unnecessarily to say, that this TOUCH didn’t put my mind at ease. Thankfully she had the decency to stop surfacing, as her head was out. I wouldn’t want to see MORE than that. I then took a look at her. She had a pair of diving googles on, as well as a purple gadget that looked like a small cylinder in her mouth, that probably helped her breath under water. She took rid of those two items, after she checked if the coast was clear. A smirk was already forming on her face. She scooted to my left side and leaned against me, as she grabbed my arm. I wouldn’t have mind it that much, since she could do worse, but the real problem for me was, that I could feel her fur brush against my arm, which meant, that she didn’t wear anything! Of course I was thoroughly disgusted, since bathing with a strange and naked pony abomination was definitely nothing I would wish my greatest enemy! Ok, I would enjoy this happening to my greatest foe, but seriously, who wouldn’t? Of course if that happens to yourself, that is something different. Add to the fact, that I couldn’t move a muscle, well I could still breath and blink, so let’s say I couldn’t move MOST of my muscles. Multiple numbers on my hate list were just fulfilled in this situation! Point 1: Ponies Point 2: Helplessness Point 3: Sexy bod- Wait… ok not necessarily sexy, but a naked body can still count, even if it is underag- God, this makes it even worse! Nope! Not going there! Better move on… Point 7: Grooming I’m not sure, whether to apply point five to that list of active practiced situations, since lovey-dovey stuff could be a lot worse considering the object of my recent nightmare being naked in the same bathroom with me completely defenseless against her mischievousness. “You know, maybe we should start to know each other better,” she whispered into my ear. Her hot breath sent chills down my spine. I would have shuddered, were it not for the stunning spell. “To have a bath is a common thing between family and close friends. Nothing to be worried about,” she said in a low soothing tone. “In fact, it is common for an engaged couple, when they were bound by a kiss. This way, they can get to know each other on a…different level. More personally. More intimate…” Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope! “SWEETIE BELLE!” Thank god for the salvation in the form of whitey! Mad marshmallow let out a disappointed sigh at the indignant voice of whitey. I on the other hand let out a sigh for a completely different reason. Well, an inner sigh. You know, getting stunned by a spell and not being able to move a muscle? Mad marshmallow shot out of the water straight as an arrow. I immediately closed my eyes, but not fast enough. The sight will haunt me, I’m sure of it. This is the stuff for my incoming nightmare tonight! I could hear a towel getting wrapped around, as well as the sound of magic. Whitey probably hid marshmallows indecency. “W-what is the meaning of this!” “I was just taking a bath with him! He is my fiancé after all! There is nothing wrong with that!” “We already discussed that out earlier! You are too young! And you didn’t even WEAR anything in front of him!” “If he is the one…I don’t mind,” she swooned and I wanted to gag at this point, but I would have drowned myself in my own puke, with the soap still blocking my mouth entrance. And let me tell you this, suffocating on your own puke is not a way to die for an overlord! It is even worse than suffocating on black pretzels! Hm…chocking on black pretzels? An image of a demon flashed in my mind. Never mind. I hope he doesn’t get an appearance in this… “But I DO mind!” And back to the argument! “There is nothing wrong with it! I saw him naked too after all! It is only fair!” I shuddered. Bad thoughts. Just to think, that she had not the decency like her…sister? Probably sister, but why do I care, what relation they have? It’s not like I’m going to stay here in this crazy household that long! Just think about it! One lovesick filly, with no sense of shame and one mare with decency, but who casually throws spells at me for her own convenience! She has even probably an obsession with cleanliness, if the bath complaint is anything to go by. ... Well, maybe it is not anything to go by, but she is wearing long gloves! And I saw more than just a few cleaning supplies and disinfectant, while I was here. Heck, now that I think about it, it was clean enough to eat from the floor! Definitely not a household I want to join. I’m not really known for my cleanliness. Meanwhile the argument between the two ‘sisters’ got more heated and mad marshmallow got hastily out of the tub, to get in her ‘sisters’ face. “HMMMHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!” *Gurgle* Unfortunately for me, she lightly pushed me inadvertently, as she got out of the tub, which resulted in me falling to my right and in the tub, still paralyzed. My last muffled scream didn’t seem to give me any attention, since I was just laying here on the tub of the ground, without getting any help at all. Water flooded my mouth to the room in between my mouth and the soap and the air was escaping my mouth. I started panicking and trashing even more, but I couldn’t do anything against the stunning spell. I then knew, that I wouldn’t hold out long and could only pray, that one of the two ponies would notice my plight. But they didn’t. I felt my panic slowly subside, as my senses dulled. The light seemed to dim, as I slowly slipped into unconsciousness.