Drinks fell to the floor as the lights flickered off. The 5 guests looked around, startled and confused. The shadows seemed to dance around them, obscuring the room in oblivion. They all shuffled slowly, until somepony screamed. The lights flickered on, the panic subsiding for only a moment before they saw the body on the floor.
The professor gasped, recoiling as she saw the body - what had happened? Ms. Green regarded the body with widened eyes, though hardly with alarm. The colonel had a far more intense reaction, dashing up towards the ceiling quickly, glancing at each and every pony in attendance in suspicion. However, nopony’s reactions were as severe as Peacock’s and Scarlet's.
“She’s fainted,” Madame Scarlet cried, holding the limp body of the Mrs. Peacock. Everypony turned their attention to the two women, though none went to help them. Scarlet clicked her tongue, fanning the mare’s face. “Somepony, anypony, get some water!”
“Here you are, Madame,” a young, yet wise voice said. Scarlet turned around and was startled; she settled when she realized the butler behind her was not, in fact, a fully grown dragon, but simply a young one put into service of the host who had invited them here tonight. He was holding a glass of water, standing tall. He seemed confident enough.
“Oh, thank you,” she said, levitating the water to Mrs. Peacock. With as much grace as one could achieve in such an act, she deftly dumped all the water over Peacock’s head, trying her best to not get any on the woman’s rather fine gown.
Peacock sputtered, opening her eyes and shaking her head. “O-Oh, my…” She quickly stood, stumbling away from Scarlet. “Oh, my! Oh, I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t mean to faint!” She gave a little cackle, a rather awkward attempt at a laugh; it resembled more the elevated crack of a seagull’s cry than a laugh.
The butler cleared his throat, a towel folded over his arm. “Here, Madam.” He offered Miss Peacock the towel. “For your face.”
“Now hold on one moment,” the colonel shouted, landing between the Miss and Butler. Peacock screamed and stumbled back, her wings flaring back in shock. “If nopony has noticed yet, there’s a body in the middle of the room!” She pointed at the corpse. “That pony has a knife in her back; one of US killed her. Now, I ain’t gonna let anypony here get anything from you until we know who you are!”
“I am the butler, colonel.”
“And just what do you do!?”
“... I buttle.”
The colonel scoffed, flying back into the air. Miss Green cleared her throat. “Well, I suggest we examine the body. Might I ask, is anypony here a doctor?”
Everypony glanced around. The professor cleared her throat, raising a hoof. “I know some about it, although I might be a bit rusty. Allow me to look at the body.” Everypony made way for the pony.
Plum kneeled down at the body, hesitantly observing it. She poked the knife once or twice. “E-er… Yes. I can deduce that the corpse is very much dead.”
“Well, ALL of us could tell that,” Peacock cried in dismay, her voice cracking more. Scarlet trotted over, patting her back comfortingly. Peacock recoiled. "Stay back!"
Scarlet froze. "Humf. As you wish, then."
Peacock cleared her throat, sounding out another strangled seagull cry of a laugh. "I-I simply needed to be cautious - one of you is a murderer, after all!”
"One of us?" Green stamped her hoof on the ground with a huff. "Why, you are as easily accused as the rest of us! You were standing the closest to the body."
Everypony turned to the Pegasus. She gasped. "W-well that's hardly fair! There IS another Pegasus in the room after all!"
The colonel scoffed. "Why, I would never kill somepony!"
The butler cleared his throat. "The simple fact is, one of us did this. Perhaps if you all would be quiet, I could explain the meaning of this?" He held up an envelope, simple labelled 'White'. It was a black envelope.
Everypony looked at everypony else, shifting around awkwardly. The butler rolled his eyes and opened up the envelope. He pulled out a piece of paper, clearing his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen... We are all here because we all have one thing in common. We are all being blackmailed."
"Blackmailed?!" Peacock scoffed. "Please, I've never heard of anything so ridiculous - nopony could blackmail me - my life's an open book - I've done nothing wrong!"
Everypony was staring at Mrs. Peacock after her rather quickly said rant. "Methinks the madam doth protest too much," Green muttered under her breath.
"Does anypony else want to deny it?" Silence was the answer. "As we are all here under the same boat, I see no harm in exposing our secrets. It is also in my instructions."
"Surely you can spare us this embarrassment," the Professor said.
"I'm sorry, Professor." He analyzed the paper. "You, miss, were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur."
"W-well, I now work in Canterlot!"
"Ah, but you don't practice medicine there. Your license was lifted."
"What did she do," Scarlet said, eager for the gossip.
"Well, do you know what doctors aren't allowed to do with patients?" Scarlet nodded. "Well, she did it."
Scarlet laughed, smirking at the professor. The pink pony had a deep blush, but did seem to be smiling. Peacock clicked her tongue. "Disgusting."
"Who are you to be making moral judgements," the butler said. "How do you justify taking bribes in return for your vote in certain animal rights legislation? Legislation that you fully endorsed already?"
"There is nothing wrong with ponies donating money for the hard work I do, taking care of my creatures!"
"Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps; but if the payment is delivered by slipping bits in plain envelopes under the door of a woman's bathroom stall, what would you say?"
"I'd say it stinks," the Colonel said, crossing her hooves.
"What would you know?! You were never in that bathroom!"
"Aha," Plum said. "So you admit it!"
"I admit no such thing," Peacock screeched. "It's a vicious lie!"
"Nevertheless," the butler said, "you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep your story out of the papers."
Green trotted next to Peacock. "Well, I for one believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do."
"Me too," the colonel said.
Scarlet laughed, levitating over a new glass of cider. "Oh, not me."
The butler raised his eyebrow. "You're not being blackmailed?"
"Oh, I am being blackmailed. I just happen to have done what I'm being blackmailed for."
"What did you do?"
"Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone device which provide gentlecolts or mares with the company of a young lady for a short while."
Plum looked more curious than surprised. "Really?..." She pulled out a notepad and pen. "Do you perhaps remember the number?"
Scarlet rolled her eyes, but gave off the number anyways. "772-257-4501." Plum wrote it quickly, smiling. The colonel looked appalled. "Why so shocked," Scarlet said. "You didn't look that way when you stopped by last, 'Mustard'."
"Are you one of her clients," Green asked with a smirk.
"Certainly not!!" The colonel flew over to Scarlet, clearing her throat. "Tell her it isn't true, Scar."
"It's not true."
"Is that true," Plum asked.
"No, it's not true."
"Ha! So it IS true," Green said with a smirk.
"A double negative," the butler muttered.
"A double negative?!" The colonel scoffed again before whispering to Scarlet, "do you have photographs?"
The dragon shook his head. "Sounds like a confession to me. The double negative has led to a proof positive. I'm afraid you've given yourself away."
"Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests," Mustard shouted.
"You don't need any help from me, Miss."
"That's right," she barked out angrily before comprehending what she just said.
"I don't see what's wrong with what the Colonel did," Plum said. "Isn't it common for a soldier to visit a house of ill fame?"
Scarlet looked rather offended by that remark. "Ill fame?! Please."
"That might be, but most soldiers aren't the Princess' right hoof men." The butler turned to Miss Green. "As for you..."
Green stood, blushing. "I'll not let this butler unmask me. I work at Canterlot as well, and I am a homosexual." All of the women in the room looked uncomfortable (even the corpse of Miss Body). "I feel no shame over this, but were my employers to know, I would be fired. Not only that, but my blackmailer seems to have made up some photographs of...various... positions I have been found in. That would be the nature of my crime." There was a brief pause. "Thank you." She sat next to Peacock, who shifted away from her with a slight blush.
The butler shook his head. "This just leaves Miss Body."
The colonel raised an eyebrow. "What's her secret?"
"Why, haven't you guessed yet?" The butler laid the envelope next to the body. "She's the one blackmailing you all."
Lightning crashed. A general uproar followed inside the crystal castle; the ponies all began fighting amongst themselves, arguing rather loudly.
The butler groaned. "Wait! Wait! The police are coming." Everypony stopped, eyes wide. "We ought to tell the police about everything, from the blackmail to the murder."
"NO," everypony called in unison.
The butler slumped over, sighing. "This was not what I was intending to happen this evening..."
"Not what you intended?" Scarlet crossed her hooves. "You are not the butler?"
"I am not the butler, but I am a butler; in fact, I was her butler." He gestured to the still bleeding body on the floor. "She was not the host tonight; I was. I wrote those letters."
"I don't understand," Plum remarked. "Why would you invite us here? Were you helping him in his blackmail?"
The dragon looked aghast. "Certainly not!"
"I believe you had better explain, Sir," Miss Green said.
The butler sighed. "Very well."
"Perhaps you could start by telling us your name, Darling?"
He nodded, standing once more and smoothing out his outfit. "Very well, Miss Scarlet. My name is Wadsworth White, though I tend to go by White." He shook his head. "When I said I was Mrs. Body's butler, I was a tad misleading. I was once her butler, but it was not her death tonight that brought my employment to an end."
"When did it end " the Colonel asked.
"It ended when my... my fiancée took her own life. She, too, was being blackmailed by this odious woman. She hated my fiancée for the same reason she hated all of you; she saw you all to be thoroughly…” He paused, choking up slightly. “Un - Equestrian.” A gasp went around the room - everypony was thoroughly shocked. “For some reason, she found each of your discretions inappropriate to the Equestrian way.”
“This is ridiculous!” Green huffed, looking a bit pale after the events of tonight. “If she was so patriotic, why didn’t she simply report us to the authorities?!”
Wadsworth sighed, shaking his head sadly. “She decided to put her information to good use and make a profit off it. What could be more Equestrian than that?” He heard somepony in the room mutter something about the magic of friendship, but let it slide.
“So what was your role in all of this,” Plum asked.
“I was a victim too. Or, at least, my fiancée was. She was being blackmailed because… well… Her friends were -” He bit his lip, almost in tears, “- G-Griffons!” He fell to his seat once more with a sob as the guests muttered in outrage. He sniffed, wiping away tears with a claw. “W-well… we all make mistakes.”
He smiled and thanked Scarlet as she offered a hooferchief to him - one, undoubtedly, that had dubious origins of the woman’s gown. He wiped his face, sighing. “She threatened us… We both had to work for her, entirely for free, or else she would give our names to the Princesses themselves for treason! We weren’t sure if she really meant it but we surely couldn’t risk it. She worked us as slaves!” Another soft sigh. “To make a long story short-”
“Too late.” Mustard huffed, crossing her hooves.
“-The suicide of my wife - to - be preyed on my mind and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Mrs. Boddy behind bars. It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail, was to get everyone face to face, confront Mrs. Boddy with her crimes, and then . . . turn her over to the police.”
“So…” Plum nodded. “Everything’s explained.
“Nothing’s explained,” Scarlett said, pouting lightly. “We still don’t know who killed her!”
Wadworth’s eyes widened. “Well, we’ve got to find out soon, before the police arrive!”
Peacock began to hyperventilate. “They can’t come here now!”
“But how can we possibly find out which one of you did this,” Green said.
“What do you mean, which one of ‘you’?!”
“Well I didn’t do it!”
“One of us did,” Wadworth cut in, “and all of us had motive and opportunity.”
“What if it wasn’t one of us,” Plum said suddenly, eyes alight with her idea.
“Who else could it have possibly been,” Mustard said, rolling her eyes at the professor with a groan.
“Who else is in the house?”
“Nopony, mada-” There came a crash in the kitchen. Everypony looked at each other. Wadsworth looked surprised. “Oh… I’d forgotten about the cook.”
“THE COOK,” Everypony shouted, surprised - surely it had been the cook. In one mad rush, the entire party vacated the sitting room and rushed to the kitchen.