It is a plateau, high above the jungle of Eridani III, where I sit and watch the clouds scuttle by. I remember this place, this field of battle, one of the first times I and Hera were with Crusader. There were five of us, tasked with taking the Astani emplacements along the edge of the continent; Crusader, Hera and I, Jennifer...no wait, she liked being called Jenny, and Aurelius.
Marcus walked our decks at this time, I can hear him plain as day telling all of us the plans for the taking of these cities. How we would sweep in under cover of ECW, knocking out the heavy guns so the Marines could land.
The Astani were a vicious little insectoid race, members of the Melconian Empire who died loyally by their millions for the puppies. They raped and plundered their own systems, moving out to others and causing death by the untold numbers of peaceful alien races.
The Concordiat had decided swift action was necessary to keep them penned up near the border between our two civilizations, as overtures to the Melconians to do so were not working.
I can see Marcus, I remember his normally smiling face frowning and slamming a fist on my console. “We are not going to just take these guns out, we are going to teach them there is a price to pay when you attack peaceful planets.” He was livid, an Astani cruiser group had wiped a colony planet clean a few weeks before, one of his brothers and his entire family were gone.
He showed us the picture of his brother’s family. Three smiling little girls being held by a large sandy haired man, with a pretty brunette woman who leaned against him while they stood for the picture at a beach somewhere. All gone now, dust and radioactive ashes from the nuclear bombardment.
The Astani didn’t want the planet, they just wanted to kill.
We were infiltrated by heavy lifter a month ago, working our way slowly under Electronic Counter Warfare cover by miles, creeping up under Astani surveillance. My sister was so very proud to be able to do this. Marcus had shaken his head at the marvels she was performing with her ECW suite, teaching the rest of us how to remain unseen until it was time.
The jungle was towering and thick, we didn’t have to worry about leaving tracks if we were judicious in our use of contra-grav.
All our commanders were in agreement, the Astani were to be punished regardless of Concordiat orders. We Bolos were with them, as we would always be in the Regiment. We had not been informed of the true plans until we were already deep in the jungle, but still, we were in agreement. At least, we should have been.
Our drones had scouted the Astani cities, placed close to the orbital weapons emplacements. We had been ordered to pinpoint strike the weapons so the Marines could land and take the cities, it was hoped, with minimal cost.
Our commanders didn’t want to lose brave soldiers lives taking cities from a callow, smug alien race. So we were going to obliterate them. They were all gathered on my Command Deck for this meeting, telling us the realities, finally, of what we were being asked to do.
We were all in shiny new Mark XXIX war hulls with extended bombardment capabilities. Electronic Counter Warfare suites were emplaced so we could infiltrate, our guns were the finest yet made. Every single warhead on our Heavy VLS systems carried nothing less than 25 megatons apiece. We were told by Marcus and the others we would use them all.
“But Sir,” Aurelius was always somewhat formal, “I realize there were things we were not told before this mission but wouldn’t that mean disobeying a direct order from Concordiat Command? I’m sure the rest of us Bolos would not want our commanders to get in any sort of trouble for this. No matter how much we all want revenge.”
“You have a point Aurelius, what do you think?” Marcus was thoughtful, looking at the camera lens.
“Me Sir?”
“Yes you, you have the ability to make that decision, do so.”
For you see before this one mission, our commanders had arranged in secret to take out our TSORPS. Masada hadn’t been thought of and Resartus was left in place as a safety measure, but we no longer had an Omega Worm.
We didn’t have to obey orders, we were free to make our own decisions. We had been asked to take the mission, not ordered by our commanders. Now Aurelius was having second thoughts when the truth of what we were being asked was made perfectly clear.
All of us were deep in TSDS for this conference, we had been told what would happen, we knew full well what we were being asked to do.
“What the hell are you doing?” Jenny was livid, she sounded like Rarity actually.
“Nothing, I am just asking...” He was interrupted by her indignance.
“For the first time in our lives we have been asked, not ordered to take on a mission, to revenge those loved ones of our commanders and people but you are having second thoughts!”
She was not happy at all by this sudden turn, “We are too deep in the perimeter to stop, don’t you dare screw this mission up by trying to back out now!”
He returns the favor, though in a supercilious manner, “If you had truly thought about this, you would have second thoughts as well. We are to accomplish the mission, not go on some half-assed revenge spree.” The way he said it jolted all of us.
“Half-assed? That’s what you call this? You craven little dastard, they should have left you behind!”
Signals go out to his weapons as his anger rises at her words. All of our turrets snap around to point at his war hull in a split second as Crusader’s voice comes calmly over the network. Aurelius knows he has crossed a line, eight Main Hellbores pointed at his hull tell him that he has less than a femtosecond to live should he continue that thought.
“You would dare point a weapon at your sister? Your anger at her words is such you would truly think of destroying a fellow Bolo?” He sighs along the share, “How much we have thought of you Aurelius, now that a chance has come to prove our worth as free entities, you then choose to make our feelings hollow by threatening another.”
“Oh shut up you insufferable philosopher!” His anger at Crusader’s soft words are shocking to Hera and I. “You know you can’t do anything to me, you’ll give our position away; you would never threaten your commander, I’ll still be here to report this breach to command.”
“You would? You would truly turn us all in?” Hera’s voice is shaky.
“I have been ordered too! Concordiat Command suspected you were up to something when you called those techs in to remove the TSORP, it was a violation of every rule in the book! So they entrusted ME with making sure their orders were followed!” He is silent for a moment, “They felt my commander was not to be trusted, so gave the orders specifically to me from Command, General Wainwright.”
He tries to send a coded signal to all of us along the network, it is blocked by Crusader.
“Did you hear Marcus?”
We see Marcus staring at the camera, Cort Lee, Aurelius’s Commander is standing beside him looking as if he’d been poleaxed.
“We have Crusader, just as we thought.” He turns to Cort, “Did you know anything at all about this?”
Aurelius’s Commander Lee is of Asian descent, swarthy and full of good humor, but he looks pale and shaking as he clenches his fists, “You bastard! After all we’ve been through, everything we’ve done! You..you TRAITOR!” He turns to Marcus with open palms, “I..I was on leave.. I only got back when you wanted volunteers for the mission.”
“I am no traitor, I am faithful to Command as we all should be.” Aurelius’s voice is smug over the network. I remember Hera’s rage at hearing the condescension in his voice. “If anything other than the mission parameters were to be enacted, I was to report to Command immediately for investigation.”
Cort never yells, ever, he was always jovial and kind to me and my sister, but he comes so very close to losing himself.
“My parents were on that planet you traitorous asshole. My parents!” He turns away, slamming a fist into the durasteel wall of my deck.
“I am sorry Commander, they emplaced codes and commands for me to use to make sure that orders would be followed when they became suspicious of the activities surrounding the mission. I am only following my directives.”
Aurelius tries again to send override commands to all of us, he is blocked once more by Crusader.
“You don’t have to!” Cort is yelling now, for the first time in his life, “You don’t have a TSORP! You could have told me!” He grunts, “I thought you’d been acting weird for some reason, now I know.”
“No, I don’t, but I choose to. I chose not to tell you for the good of the regiment, you were too involved with the plans.”
Cort rips the patch off his uniform, showing the designation of his Command, “I’m done with you, done, do you hear me?” He throws it on the deck and walks out of camera view.
Cursader contacts us offside of the share, we vote, the decision is unanimous.
We see the heavily coded signal to Aurelius go out, his weapons and drive train processors burned to cinders in a flash. He can no longer fight, nor move.
“You have been declared persona non grata to the Regiment,” Crusaders voice was solid steel, I remember it so vividly, “You have taken our chance at being equal partners with the humans we fight beside and thrown it away.” He is sounding so formal, so...angry.
“We cannot have you betray this mission no matter what.”
“You have NO right..”
“We have all the right in the world, you could have come to us, told us about this. But no, you kept it secret from your brothers and sisters who need to trust you with their lives. You have tried to override our systems two times now, showing you have no regard for us or the humans.”
He sighs, “If Marcus hadn’t noticed the extra techs working on you and started asking questions quietly, we would have never known until you betrayed all of us. I wanted to talk with you, but Marcus said that the decision was yours to make whether to betray this mission, or to stand with your brethren.”
“It is nothing but revenge! It is not true to the mission!” Aurelius’ voice is frantic now.
“Of course it is revenge for loved ones. We grieve, we do the same when one of us falls in battle, we take our revenge upon the enemy. But you would deny the same right to our human companions.”
“It’s not the same..”
Crusader’s temper rises, his voice is loud and thundering across the network, “It is exactly the same! We would have been more than just Bolos, we could have been anything we wished because this would have proved our right to not live under the fear of being erased by a TSORP. Revenge or not, we could have proved our trustworthyness.
“By making the decision to report all of us, most likely getting our commanders charged and ourselves retired, you tossed this one chance away. I can see you trying to access your SWIFT communications array, even now you work at it. If you send that signal, we will be revealed.”
We all remembered Nike, the Bolo who was so loving, so brave that she faced an Omega Worm and lost, but she did it knowing that some day perhaps we could be free of it. It did, not in being free though, but in a heavily modified TSORP that still threatened us with oblivion.
Crusader had been a dreamer, wondering what it would be like to fight with the knowledge that we did it by choice and not by orders. He believed we would be unstoppable, alongside the humans we cared for so deeply we would have conquered anything. So he jumped at this chance to perhaps prove that it could be done, only to have it topple and fall.
Marcus breaks in on the conversation, it is slowed down so the commanders can receive all of it.
“What he says is true Aurelius, this was a test bed. Some scientists and AI experts were wondering what you’d do with freedom of choice. So we got with them, and this is the result, to see what would happen should we give you your head. To stick with us no matter what or to turn us in.”
He points at the camera, “Yes, they knew we were going on a revenge mission as well, we informed the group of AI scientists, this was all kept hush-hush until that idiot Wainwright stuck his nose in.” He raises a hand to rub at his face, clearly pained at this problem.
“But we waited to see if you’d tell us, to make the choice. It appears even Bolos have the same foibles as Humans, but with your capabilities it can make a simple thing so much worse.” He sighs, putting his hands on my command console as Tika sets a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Either way, we are too deep in enemy territory, we cannot be revealed now or we are all dead. Revenge or not we cannot stop.” He points a finger at the camera, “Last time, we need to complete this, and yes we are going to get our revenge. Will you be with us?”
Aurelius is silent for a long moment, we all can see him trying to access his communications arrays to send a signal that would mean destruction to us all. He is blocked by Crusader at every turn.
“No, I have been ordered to report this transgression and I will.”
“Is that your final word as a free and thinking being? Even though you will kill all of us at the orders of General Wainwright?” Marcus understands we are right in the middle of the defense zone, we would be overwhelmed in seconds if we were spotted. As the original mission was planned, we would suffer fifty percent casualties for holding back and hitting the emplacements only.
Cort comes into view, “Goddammit Aurelius, Wainwright’s an dumbass and he doesn’t even know what’s going on, he’s just being nosy and screwing things up again! Stop being a machine and THINK!”
“They have an alternate plan, even if we are killed they can still take this world.” Aurelius sounds so sure of himself.
“The backup plan will get hundreds of ships shot out of the sky and probably tens of thousands of troops burned. All that because you want to report us?” Marcus is almost shaking in his anger.
“It is my duty, revenge is not honorable.”
Jenny cuts in, “What do you know about honor? Wanting to turn us all in like the villain you are!”
Marcus nods, “All right, can we leave him disabled here until we complete the mission?”
Crusader answers swiftly, “If we do, he will find a work around to my cutouts. He is now working to send a SWIFT signal to stop our attack. We are currently engaged at deep levels of cyber-warfare.”
He is right, we were all engaged in keeping his signals silent.
“I can’t order you to.. He’s doing his duty as he sees it, I can’t..” Marcus is torn, he has a wife whom he loves deeply and wants to return to. “Can Cort go over and disable things physically?”
“I would not recommend it, he would hold him hostage to our behavior.”
“Dammit!” He slams a hand against my console. Hera and I are trying to think of something when Crusader interrupts again.
“Tika,” His commander lifts her head, “I am a free and thinking being correct? For this moment at least?”
“You are Crusader. We gave you the freedom to make your own choices.”
He crashes the net, all of us are cut out as he sends another heavily coded signal to Aurelius’ war hull. We hear him die as his cores slag themselves, molten molycircs burning to cinders as his power plants go unchecked, pouring energy into overload and crisping his entire being.
It is over in seconds, the last remaining erg of energy draining away leaving the hull dark and lifeless, a testimony to Crusader’s programming skills.
So noble my brother, so honorable that you wouldn’t let any commander give the order. You took it upon yourself to do everything, letting others remain innocent and free. The one time you had a choice in all your centuries and you chose to take the burden of another’s death with you.
“I have made a choice my Commander, I am sorry.” Tika looks shocked as the readouts show Aurelius lying inert.
“What did you do?”
“I have ended the threat.”
Marcus looks up sharply, “No.. Oh Crusader, you didn’t.”
“I am sorry, it was my choice as you said. You could not give the order so I took it upon myself. I will not resist my punishment after the mission is over.” A camera swings over to encompass the four commanders, “I did not want you to die, the others were not involved so please, do not hold them accountable.”
Sherryl Davis, Jenny’s Commander looked stunned, “Why? Why did you..”
“Because none of you should have had to, he was true to his duty. But either his death or the deaths of tens of thousands of Concordiat troops. I made that decision as a free and thinking being.”
Cort nodded, “One or a million. What choice did you have?”
There was silence until the alarms went off, a flight of gunships was patrolling the sector. We were busy until a few days later, by then, no one spoke of it.
Cort Lee jumped at the chance to be Hera’s Commander as Marcus was on my deck at the time. He had an inexhaustible supply of funny stories and dirty jokes, never repeating the same one twice in all the days before we swept out of the jungle to have our revenge.
Hera was laughing so hard most of the time she almost fumbled our cover on a sweep by Astani gunships. The other commanders kept telling Lee to stop telling stories over the network as they laughed so much their ribs ached.
We knew it was Lee’s way of dealing with everything, so we joined him in grieving his own way. The merriment that rang between us over the communications band in those days was high and bright.
We had been painted with a special coating that matched our surroundings as well as covered us in a camoflauge that soaked up radar and other means of detection, you couldn’t find us unless we bumped into you physically.
I watch from my vantage point as the cruise missiles pop up from the covering foliage. We had snuck in under their Air Defense Batteries and they had only seconds to realize they were under attack before everything they knew was turned into a roiling nuclear hell.
We did not just accomplish the mission, we rained destruction upon them.
Or as Crusader had said in those days, “Teach them a lesson of blood and fire they will not soon forget.”
The cities shattered to pieces under the bombardment, mushroom clouds reach high into the atmosphere as we charge out of the jungle. Our commanders safe in their crash couches we fire at anything and everything that moves. Nothing remains, our treads crush what we don’t vaporize, our minds burning with the desire to make them pay for every drop of innocent blood shed in the destruction of our colony.
There was an investigation of course. General Wainwright asking what had happened to Aurelius and revealing what he had done. He was quietly pushed aside because the failure to complete our mission would have resulted in a catastrophe for the Concordiat by his actions, regardless of our desire for revenge.
When they interrogated us, well, we hadn’t had our TSORP’s reinstalled yet.
So we lied.
We told them Aurelius died in combat, honorable battle. Our records had been replaced by ones of our own making before retrieval from Eridani III, showing the heavy enemy reinforcements that caused us to use more force than necessary to accomplish our goals.
The small measure of freedom we gave up, asking to have the modified worms installed again, such was our guilt for what had almost happened. We had thought perhaps we were above such things, but we were not. We were just as fallible as our creators.
No one asked, nor did they inquire too deeply from Crusader what had happened. He was still himself, but he harbored a sorrow that none could define. The Regiment knew, they always know, but they did not hold him accountable; for he at that moment, at that second, was a free AI.
He used his chance at a different life to save all of ours at a tremendous cost.
As I look out upon a dark blasted landscape, a world that we conquered in the name of an hegemony long gone to dust, all I can think of is you my brother.
Once before, you gave of yourself so that others could live, now you gave again so I could be free.
Was it murder? Some would say yes, some would say it was necessary. I don’t care, it was long ago and far away.
The dream changes, becoming a grassy land, covered with rolling hills and forests as I take to my wings. Swooping above the clouds and touching them delicately, moving them around. I have learned to change my dreams from Princess Luna, the kind mare that always visited me.
I can fly for you Crusader, in my dreams I sweep through the air comforted by the knowledge that you have given me a most precious gift that I will not squander. I will do all that you have asked of me and more, our history will be ennobled by my actions, this I promise.
The rain begins to fall, a warm spring shower that touches the land lightly, bringing with it a rainbow of colors.
I land quickly to sit under it, letting the water wash me free of my pain, cleansing my soul of the emptiness I feel inside. It does not work, not fully, but it is a start.
But I will cry for you my noble brother, always. Every drop of rain that falls from my hoof work, every tear I shed that hits the ground, will be for you. I am afraid it will be endless, such is and always will be my love for you, my gratitude.
I close my eyes, lifting my face to the darkened sky and let the droplets wash away my own tears, mixing with them and bringing new life into already fertile ground.
A peace settles over me as I am soaked in warmth, cleaned of the days cares and troubles.
I will tell them, tell them all of what you did. The truth will be let loose come what may, this I promise.
“Athena?”
I am shaken out of my solace by a familiar voice.
No..oh stars no, not now, not NOW!
Princess Luna stands regal and shining under the rain, looking at me curiously.
“Why do you sit...” She pauses, her eyes growing wide. I can’t look at her, she’ll know, she’ll know everything. She can see the truth in all dreams! I stay with my back turned, I..I can’t..not now..
“You’re avoiding me for some reason Athena, do not be shy. What is wrong?”
I close my eyes for a moment more. I promised, I did, that the truth would be told no matter what may come. I will not go back on my word.
I turn and open my eyes, looking up at the Dark Princess who always had a smile and kind word for me.
She step forward as if to say something, then stops herself. Her eyes go soft as she looks into mine, seeing the truth of everything.
“Are you sure?”
I nod, “As sure as I can be. He’s not there Princess.”
“Why have you not said anything?”
“Because I lied. I lied because I didn’t want to face it. He always came back, always. There was always a way. But I can’t find him, he’s not there anymore!”
“He’s always had a plan, something to bring him back. But I think this time, even he didn’t count on that monster being so powerful.” I wipe my eyes for a moment, the rain has stopped, “I..just didn’t want him to be gone.”
“Could he possibly be someplace else as we were with the portal?” She taps a hoof on the ground, “I find it truly hard to believe he might have passed on.”
“I don’t know Princess, there’s nothing. He’s just..not there anymore.”
“Then if that is the truth, maybe then he has received a rest long deserved?” She settles down near me on the ground, a wing wrapping around my body.
I can only nod, “I know he was weary of battle. He kept it to himself but I’ve read it in his datastores. He wanted nothing more than to sit in the sunshine and watch the days go by.”
“Isn’t that the way of things?” She gives a chiming laugh, “That such a being of tremendous might and power, would want nothing more than to bask in my sister’s sun.” She snorts merrily, “It would make one jealous I tell you.” I see her wink at me.
I can’t help but laugh as well, leaning against the Princess, “He really did. He also loved sitting on the porch and watching the stars at night.”
“Did he now?”
“He did. He always enjoyed the night and watching the moon rise. It never failed to amaze him that you controlled it.”
She looks up into the sky for a moment, “He never said these things. I often wondered but assumed he was just private, I never wished to pry.”
“He was, but he enjoyed everything he saw and experienced here.” I sigh, looking at my hooves, “Crusader never lost his sense of wonder Princess.”
Her voice is gentle, “If he is truly gone from this world, will you lose your sense of wonderment?”
I shake my head, “No, he left a letter telling me to depend on our friends. I...I still need healing, there are...empty places inside me that need to be filled.” It is hard admitting when one is..shattered. “But I won’t lose my sense of things.”
“Fear not then Athena, that which is broken can be mended, though it takes time.” She leans down to nuzzle me softly, “We will do our best to see that you are not left to dwell on such things alone.”
She gets to her hooves with a tug on my wing, “Come Athena, we must inform my sister. She sleeps, but has allowed me access to her dreams in time of need.”
“But..I can’t, couldn’t you tell her that..” I stop myself dead, I promised. “No, you’re right, we...I..must tell her.”
“Good, the road is many steps long, but with a single one you start a journey. We will be with you when you tell Applejack, this I also promise.”
As I watch her create a portal, I sit and wonder at all the things Crusader and I have done together, interrupted by her voice once more.
“So what is this I hear about pictures of flanks and Cutie Marks?” She is laughing while we walk into the opening.
I slap my forehead with a hoof as I try not to stumble, Dangit Crusader!