//------------------------------// // My ex-daughters have ruined this country! // Story: The Princesses' Secret // by Sleepy Panda //------------------------------// "Uh, peasant!" Queen Gaea shouted. "Are you referring to me, Your Majesty?" a guard asked nervously. "Yes, thou! Art thou deaf?" the queen demanded. "No, Your Majesty. I was just confused, as I am not accustomed to being called 'peasant.' I am a royal guard," he informed her. "Oh, wonderful! Thou needest a name. We think we shall call you 'Posterior.' And that mare standing next to thou, is she also a guard?" Gaea asked. Posterior's expression darkened upon hearing his new name, but he remained silent. "Yes, Your Majesty," the female guard confirmed. "My name is Suncatcher, by the way." Suncatcher had to suppress a grin as Posterior shot her a murderous look. "Well then, this makes the day much easier for us. We assume that thee knowest the laws of thine country, is that not correct?" "Yes, Your Majesty," Posterior answered immediately, his expression going back to one of a professional guard - emotionless. Suncatcher had a less professional answer. "Yeah, sort of. I studied a bit here and there, but just the basics. It's not required as a royal guard." "Suncatcher, thou shall mentor us in modern law," Queen Gaea decided. "Oh, cool!" Suncatcher did a little dance around the room in excitement, then took off her helmet and threw it at the wall, apparently deciding that she could relieve herself from duty. Posterior made a mental note to report her later. "Could I also teach you the modern Equestrian language? It's kinda hard to understand you sometimes." "Yes, that would be nice," Gaea agreed. "Posterior, thou can continue... erm, whatever it is that thou hast been doing for the past four hours." "Yes, Your Majesty." "Thou hast got to be jesting with us," Queen Gaea said in disbelief. "Nope!" Suncatcher shrugged. "It's been around for about seven hundred years, if I remember things alright." "That's absurd. And whose idea was it to give ponies the right of free speech?" Gaea vowed to murder whoever had made this legal. "Celestia's, my queen. Luna was banished around that time, remember?" "Oh, yes. We would revoke the right, but we don't believe ponies would be able to adjust. Besides, if free speech were still outlawed, we would have had to execute thou long ago." Queen Gaea smiled warmly at the petite unicorn guard. "Um... thank you." Suncatcher wasn't sure how to feel about that, so she settled for taking it as a compliment. "In what other ways have those ex-daughters of ours destroyed our kingdom?" Queen Gaea had no hope left. "They've abolished the death penalty." Personally, Suncatcher felt that this was a very good thing to abolish, but she could see why a ruler might not be so thrilled about it. "...Please tell us that they've done at least one good thing for our kingdom!" Queen Gaea cried. "Have they at least standardized the spelling of 'gryphon?'" "Nope. Some people spell it G-R-I-F-F-O-N, and others spell it G-R-Y-P-H-O-N." Suncatcher suddenly became aware of how red Queen Gaea's face was turning. "Are you alright?" "Don't tell us our ex-daughters changed the writing system, too," Gaea complained. "It was changed?" Suncatcher had never seen mention of this before while doing her research. Then again, she had barely done any research. She only went to the library because they gave out free sandwiches and lemonade on Fridays. "Yes, it used to be a system of phonetic characters," Gaea explained. "Sounds complicated." "'Twas not." "Whatever you say, my queen," Suncatcher said nonchalantly. "Thy unprofessional attitude is staring to get on our nerves, soldier. Fetch us Posterior, who shall assist us in learning modern Equestrian. Thou shalt resume your guard duties." "Yes, your majesty." Suncatcher bowed and exited the room.