Limits of Mercy

by Beware The Carpenter


2 - Blast From the Future

Ice can burn. Sofas can read. It’s a big universe.

Name expunged.

Crackle Jack landed at the ‘bottom’ of the water tunnel; right way up, unhurt, and suspiciously dry. A giant neon sign was in front of him, flashing with a pretty pegasus mare and the words ‘Crackle Jack’s sleepy room’ pointed towards a door a few steps away. He looked at the mare for a few moments, then tentatively opened the door, and regretted his earlier request for a 'surprise'.

Beneath him was a flight of stairs, leading ‘down’ to the roof of a lavish bedroom, the floor of which was stuck to the ceiling. The bed, (glued to the roof with what could be honey and shaped like a giant waffle,) was suspended above a bladed pendulum that ‘hung’ from the chandelier, which likewise stood inexplicably erect from the floor. Hundreds of eyeballs, of various sizes, were stuck to almost every piece of furniture and spare patch of wall in the room, all staring relentlessly at him and keeping time with him whenever he swayed from side to side. The eyeball in the base of the toilet was particularly disturbing, no less so because the toilet was mounted on the wall.

None of this was what made Crackle Jack decide he couldn’t sleep here.

What did make him decide not to sleep here was that the entire room was filled with water, and there was a twelve foot shark swimming laps in the middle of it. He wasn’t sure whether or not the shark was real; but didn’t want to find out.

He closed the door and began backtracking, only to realize that the trapdoor he had been sucked through had disappeared without a trace; leaving him alone in a twisted labyrinth of hallways and doors that made him think of a hotel amusement park designed by Pinkie Pie. Dinky had said that The TARDIS was infinite on the inside; Crackle Jack didn’t know whether he believed that was possible, but of the several doors he checked that weren’t locked, he knew it was massive.

One door he opened led onto a jetty on top of a lake of water, and another door, about ten steps down the hallway, had him looking off a mountain into a lake of lava. Apparently whatever space distortions kept the outside of the ship smaller than the inside also worked on the inside of the ship itself and for all he knew he could have walked a thousand miles in the last two halls.

Would you be able to fit an entire new TARDIS inside of this one, and have both of them work the same way? Would that be any different from simply having one TARDIS and Dinky simply made one of the innumerable door around him look like a blue wardrobe? What if this TARDIS already was inside another one and Crackle jack had spent his whole life inside a TARDIS without ever realizing it? Or what if –

Crackle Jack didn’t look where he was going, placed one hoof too far forwards and fell headlong into a pool of what he hoped was probably water. Resurfacing moments later and pulling himself onto the edge of the pool he’d fallen into, Crackle Jack looked up and saw endless rows of bookcases, brimming with millions of books and scrolls.

Crackle Jack swallowed, if Dinky or anyone had read one percent of what was in here… but how would she even find the books she wanted in the middle of all of this? Aunt Sparkle would probably kill to have a library like this, and then never come out again; but why was there a swimming pool in the middle of the library?

Crackle Jack shook his head; and kept moving. Ordinarily he liked reading, and would have taken some time to peruse the titles if the library had been any reasonable size. Here however, that thought struck him with utter futility: he read because it gave him a sense of accomplishment that he was absorbing a larger and larger portion of the information available to him. Here; he could read for a lifetime and never even scratch the surface. He tried not to look at the books, hoping that this feeling of powerlessness wouldn’t follow him and snaked his way through the endless maze of literature.

Three twists and a dozen turns later, there was a hollow a few hundred feet wide where no bookshelves dared to tread. The outer ring of this circle was a garden, remarkably lush and well cared for, surrounding a small gazebo with six couches laid out in a hexagon each laden with their own piles of books; each pertaining to different subjects.

Crackle Jack figured that this must be where Dinky came to read and moved couch whenever she’d read enough about magic and wanted some botany. If this was somewhere where Dinky came often… there was probably a doorway nearby that led to the entrance of the TARDIS which he could search for it in the morning and meet up with the others. Alternatively, he could keep wandering and quite probably get very, very lost.

He sighed, and gently lifted the stacks of books that were on one of the couches; careful not to disturb their order and set them down on the flo- “Hey!” Crackle Jack leaped back, spilling the books all over the gazebo floor; “I wasn’t finished with those yet!” the couch yelled, “Give them back!”

“A-Aunt Sparkle?” stammered Crackle Jack, recognizing the voice.

“Now Twilight.” Clanged another couch from behind Crackle Jack, also coming with horrifying familiarity, “You don’t havta be so rude.”

“Settle down both of you;” Demanded a third sofa, “and look at what’s in front of you. This isn’t Dinky or Derpy which means they’ve let someone else into the TARDIS.”

“Does this mean Dinky’s fixed the TARDIS and we can go adventuring again instead of just sitten around here reading?” asked a fourth.

“Yay!” cheered a fifth sofa, “We can throw a ‘TARDIS is fixed’ party!”

“… did you call me Aunt Sparkle?” asked the first sofa.

“What is happening!?” demanded Crackle Jack backing out of the circle.

“Oh look, now you’ve gone and made him upset. The poor dear is positively trembling. You girls should be ashamed of yourselves!” Scolded the third sofa.

“What are you!?”

“OK, OK stop.” ordered the first couch. “I can see you’re confused so let me explain: we’re Reader Relaxation Units, RRU’s for short. We read books to people while they’re sleeping, loading the information into their subconscious minds. The Doctor bought us at an auction and since then we’ve been living here, reading to ourselves whenever we’re not needed.”

“Why do you sound like my aunt?”

“Aunt?” asked the second sofa quizzically, “Who are you sugarcube? Who’s your parents?”

“M-my name’s Crackle Jack, I’m here with my brother, sister and Dinky, the TARDIS isn’t fixed yet and my parents are Shining Armor and Cadance.”

“I knew it!” Cheered the first sofa; “I knew they were perfect for each other!”

“Settle down Twilight!” ordered Applejack, “Look I’m terribly sorry for all this, we don’t get many visitors; and twenty five years with the same people leave you a little rusty. To answer yar question, we’re the Elements of Harmony. After we defeated Nightmare Moon, The Doctor decided to make a backup of all our consciousness’s in case anyone of us ever got amnesia or went insane.
We were archived on the main drive for a couple years and then Derpy felt worried about Dinky not making any friends in Ponyville and since she was spending a lot of time in the library Derpy uploaded us into the RRU’s, hoping we could teach Dinky about friendship. That there is Twilight Sofa, I’m Palletjack, and these are Divan Pie, Rainbow Chaise, Rarettee and Futonshy. Please to meet you.”

The most disturbing thing about the couch’s bonkers lunatic story was that it actually made sense. The first four couches were easy to recognize, once he got his head around the idea that they were couches. Rarity he had only met a few times in the mental hospital, but he’d never known mom’s predecessor. “You were… Fluttershy?”

The couch gave an inaudible mumbling.

“Of course she is.” Declared Rainbow Chaise, “What, you don’t recognize one of your aunt’s best friends; what gives?”

Crackle Jack shifted uncomfortably, “… Fluttershy died before I was born.”

Futonshy gave a small squeak, while Rarettee gave an angry gasp; “How could you say that? Don’t listen to him Futonshy; I’m sure he must be mistaken.”

“I-it’s OK” muttered Futonshy, “I-I don’t mind.”

“What about the rest of us?” asked Rainbow Chaise, “Did Rainbow Dash ever join the Wonderbolts?”

“Did Rarity find the prince of my dreams?” asked Rarettee.

“Now-now.” Cautioned Palletjack, “You know that that’s against Derpy’s rules; don’t try and take advantage of this young guy not knowing them. We are who we are and what the pony Elements of Harmony have been up to since we got created isn’t any of our business. I do apologize for my friend’s behavior young Crackle Jack; it’s just sometimes they can’t help being curious about outside life.”

“Of course we’re going to be curious.” Growled Rainbow Chaise, “All we ever do is sit around and read.”

“We don’t even have eat, sleep or take bathroom breaks.” Added Twilight Sofa, “Isn’t it great?”

“I-is there any way we can help you?” asked Futonshy.

“…I was just looking for a place to sleep.”

“Well why didn’t ya just say so?” asked Palletjack, “Come over here and park yur caboose.”

“Oh you’re one to talk Applejack,” called Rarettee blithely, “You have all the softness of a stack of bricks wrapped around barbed wire. If the lad wants a proper, restful sleep he can come and lie down on me.” The cushions jiggled excitedly in anticipation as the couch seemed to grow wider, giving the impression of a mouth opening, “Come on dear, I don’t bite.”

“Pick me! Pick me!” begged Divan Pie, “We can have a slumber party!”

This was getting too weird. Crackle Jack had just decided he’d had enough and and began trotting away when Twilight’s voice called pleadingly after him, “Wait, wait, please don’t go!” Crackle Jack stopped, “You’re Shining’s kid, right? Did I ever like, hold you in my lap and read to you till you fell asleep?”

“…Yes.”

“Then… please come back, I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier, and while the real Twilight may have had the chance to be an aunt to you, this may be the only chance I ever get; I won’t even keep you up with questions and I can fold out into a queen sized bed if you like.”

“Don’t bother.” Crackle Jack sighed, turning back and hopped lightly onto Twilight Sofa.

“Would you like us to sing you a lullaby?” asked Futonshy softly.

“No thank you.” said Crackle Jack; puffin up one of the cushions on Twilight Sofa and laying his head on it. The lights dimmed by themselves as he closed his eyes and tried to fool himself into going to sleep; but he knew it was hopeless. This situation was way too weird for him to relax, and so after a few minutes he sat up, the lights automatically turning on as he did so. “Do you guys know any good books?

Rainbow Chaise scoffed, “Kid; we’ve been reading for twenty-three years straight. We know thousands of good books. What do you want?”

“If he’s travelen with Dinky, He auta read somethen that’ll prepare him for what’s out there.” Suggested Palletjack, “Trouble is attracted to that girl like flies to Granny Smith’s cooken.”

“But there’s hardly any books that broad” interjected Twilight, “except…”

“Except what?” asked Crackle Jack.

“Well… there is the book that the Doctor had begun writing before he went missing. It was meant as a general crash course for the universe; it’s called the Hitchhikers’ guide to the Galaxy.”

Crackle Jack left the RRU’s and went to the mentioned location for the book and was comforted to see the words ‘Don’t Panic’ written in large, friendly letters on the back cover. Given what his last day had been like; this seemed like the best advice he could have asked for.