Part 9
“Dear Princess Twilight, an unusual situation has been brought to my attention: the young filly named ‘Escargot’ could use some watching over, and a little help. Would you be so kind as to take her under your wing, and make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble?
Honorably yours, Princess Celestia.”
Snails ½ What They all Seek
The tour of Canterlot Castle began in the statue garden. At each of the statues, various trivia and the minutiae of the statue’s history were relayed to Escargot. It was worst than a school field trip, and there was no getting out of it. Eventually, they moved on to the animal garden, with its panoply of exotic animals. This would be great, if he were Fluttershy and not himself.
Oh Celestia, Snails was having enough trouble being Escargot; being Fluttershy would be impossible. Sticking close to Rarity, Escargot worked hard to keep himself shielded from Diamond Tiara. That filly was looking for trouble, and had a habit of making it.
“Oh, there she is!” Escargot heard a mare call out, as she trotted up with a colt in tow.
The colt poked out from behind the mare, “Mom, I don’t want to.”
“Oh nonsense, she’s perfect for you, and I’m sure we could afford any bride token.” The mare said. Turning, she smiled winningly at Escargot, “Hello Princess, I wish to present my son to you: this is Bolt, a fine, strong colt, who would be thrilled to accompany you to the Ball tonight.”
“I-I-” Escargot was at a loss for words: what was a bride token? Why did he need an escort? And why did it have to be a colt?
“Stand aside, m’lady. I hear there is a new Princess in town. As a royal prince, it will be my DUTY to take her to the Ball. There I can woo her with tales of my…” Prince Blueblood was in full form until he saw Rarity.
Narrowing her eyes, Rarity saw only Blueblood in a world of red. The cad! The pervert! He wanted to woo a child? A foal?
“Escargot, close your eyes.” Rarity said firmly and dangerously.
Escargot flattened his ears timidly. “Why?”
“I am about to do something very unladylike to this- TRAMP, and I would rather you not see.” Rarity said, stalking menacingly towards the prince.
Closing his eyes, Escargot turned his head away and cringed.
“Wait, what are you doing? Not that!” Blueblood screamed and whined piteously. “Anything but that! Have mercy, I didn’t know… I didn’t know she was a foal.”
Cries of fear and agony filled the air. Blueblood was screaming as though the demons of Tartarus were on his tail. “Oh Celestia, NOT MY COAT! ANYTHING BUT MY COAT!”
Unable to resist, Escargot chanced a peek.
The prince was curled up on the ground, wailing, almost in tears. Rarity stood close by, horn aglow, a large - glop- of mud in her magical grip. Holding it close to his side, she spoke clearly and evenly. “If you bother this foal again, it will not be mud. It will be a mixture of grape juice, oil, and ink that stains your coat.”
Escargot blinked, confused. Tilting his head, Escargot walked to Rarity’s side, "Wouldn't bubble gum in the mane and tail work?"
Prince Blueblood howled in fear and ran for the castle. Apparently, the idea of bubble gum was just too much for his refined tastes.
Rarity gave Escargot a quick hug and giggled. “Boys sometimes. Honestly, they can be such whiners.”
A great deal more upbeat, they followed their guide inside the castle. The next part of the tour included the throne room- home of the Sister’s Thrones-, the kitchen, with its many chefs and enough food to feed half of Ponyville, and the ballroom, with its immense, elegant statue. Slowly, they made their way through the castle: from the vaunted Royal Library (with the largest collection of joke books in Equestria), to the Hall of Heroes, its figures shining forever in the stillness.
Then, the so-called Palace Baths: a spa the size of a large swimming pool, complete with hot tubs, attached sauna, and decorative fountains. For Escargot, it was only a chamber of horrors: everywhere she looked, there was another threat to Escargot, another source of fearful hot water, that could make her change in public.
Backing out of the room as fast as he dared, Escargot didn’t see the server carrying afternoon tea for the princess (Well, the hot water for it anyway. The Princess insisted on brewing it herself.)
The water found its mark: all over Snails’s back. He bolted down the hall before anypony could see him. He had to run, to hide. He had to get away.
All the server saw was the back of his dress and his hat as it turned down one of the corridors.
“What did you do?” Rarity asked.
“I didn’t see her, I swear, I dropped a full pot of tea water on her! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!” The alarmed server apologized profusely.
“She’s not from Canterlot. We have to find her, she’s probably hurt and terrified!” Rarity began running before she even finished the sentence.
“GUARDS! GUARDS! We have a lost filly who ran off, scared!”
Oh Celestia, they were calling out the royal guards. He was completely doomed! He had to hide, had to find somewhere safe!
A pair of double doors at the end of the hall was his only hope. Without even looking, he dove inside and slammed it shut. Panting hard, he kept his eyes closed for a few long moments as he caught his breath.
He opened them to see Princess Celestia herself.
She stood in her royal attire, wings spread wide, mane and tail flowing with power. She wore her golden necklace and hoof guards, as if ready for some courtly function. Looking down at Snails, she responded with only an arched eyebrow at the colt who barged in. A colt that was wearing a summer dress and sunhat.
“I… I…” Snails was at a loss. It was just his luck: of course he would run into Princess Celestia, of all ponies. He couldn’t lie. He couldn’t make something up. Even having his life flash before his eyes was getting a little dull, especially when very little got added between reruns.
Folding her wings to her side calmly and regally, Celestia regarded the foal, “Care to explain yourself?”
Sliding to the floor, Snails started balling. “Please don’t banish me, please. It’s not my fault. I wasn’t trying to trick anyone or fool anyone. I fell in this cursed spring, now I keep turning into a filly when I’m hit with cold water. Hot water turns me back to a colt. I didn’t mean any harm. Just everything got so out of control.”
Looking up at Princess Celestia with puffy eyes, Snails went on. “The girls said they needed me to win for them, I didn’t want to even be in the contest. Then Noi and Dinky started crying when I shared the prize with them. Then my mom thought I stole the dress and grounded me. Please don’t banish me to the moon.”
Without really moving, Celestia picked up a pitcher of water and moved it over Snails. With a gentle motion, she poured its contents over him. Tilting her head curiously, she watched him turn into a filly: the same filly from the Harvest Festival.
The door opened quickly and a guard ran in, “Sorry Princess, one of the guests…”
Celestia merely pointed to Escargot and winked.
Nodding slowly, the guard helped Escargot to her hooves. Carefully, he guided her back out to the tour.
Having the room to herself once more, Celestia closed the door and locked it. Sitting on her bed, she looked at the empty water pitcher and placed it back on the table. Falling back onto her bed, she spread her wings wide and curled her forelegs. Closing her eyes, she started to guffaw in a most un-princess-like manner. “Oh my, this is so much better than watching Discord try to do stand-up comedy.”
Hardly able to lift her quill, she fumbled with the parchment, still laughing uncontrollably. “Dear Princess Twilight…”