//------------------------------// // Denial // Story: I Am His Queen // by Arreis Of Avalon //------------------------------// I cry out as he runs from me. He couldn’t leave just like that. Not right after that kiss! Not when I feel like this. What even is ‘this’? It feels so strange, as though I'm a drone having their first taste of love; is that what this is? Love? I shut my eyes tightly. I’m sure it is - love. Changeling love. Impossible! But I'm here, feeling it. It had to be real if I feel this way. This... This way! I can't describe it. I'm so confused. Tears roll down my face as I think of all I just gained, everything I had just lost. I feel full and empty all at the same time. My heart is aching, but I can't even express to myself why it does! A queen does not express weakness over failure. A queen does not express dread over a consequence. A queen does not express sorrow over a mere drone's imminent death. But he isn't just a drone! I grit my teeth as old memories wash over me, ones I thought I had locked away long ago. Memories of playing games with a young changeling; memories of watching the guard exam and seeing him succeed; memories of him talking with me after I came to Canterlot - everything came flooding back. "You there!" I gasp, opening my eyes. A guard is running my way. Instincts kicked in. I stand stock still, waiting for him to reach me. I quickly make sure my voice matches Eacko's, reviewing my escape tactics. Don't run. Pretend you're one of them. Don't do anything to arouse suspicion. The guard reaches me, a spear at his side. "Identification, Sir." I quickly reach into my scarf, taking out my ID. "W-what's going on," I ask, my voice trembling. The guard analyzes my ID. He gives it back after a moment. "An incident involving beings from the Bad Lands. You don’t need to worry. Just get home and stay indoors.” I nod. “Thank you.” I breathe a sigh of relief after the guard runs off to the next group of ponies. I wipe away my tears, trying to get some composure before somepony else sees me. I don’t want to warrant any further unwanted attention. I take a deep breath and begin to run. It’s time to leave, at least for now. I drag my hooves - they feel full of lead, but I drag them along nonetheless and leave my love behind. *~*~*~ I nearly collapse, panting, as I get out of Canterlot. Relatively speaking, of course. I am back in the caverns. They are almost like my home, but ...The crystals here are far more beautiful. At the very least, that is what Eacko told me. Eacko. I shut my eyes tightly, my tears still falling. Why wouldn’t they stop? I had never cried much before; why now, of all times? Was it simply because of him? Why would one silly drone make me feel this way? He was hardly anything; just a hardworking changeling, one who had… who had protected me… all these years… “How did I never notice,” I say softly. I open my eyes, seeing my love reflected back to me. His eyes are wide in disbelief at my failure to realize his love for me. How, in all those years we had been side by side, had I never seen the signs? I cry out to him in the crystals; “why did you never say anything?!” I swing my horn down, my horn beginning to spark jade light. "W-why now?! Why did I have t-to learn about this now!?" I feel a lump in my throat. I can hardly breathe. "W-why!? WHY, EACKO!? WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME!?" In a mighty blast, my magic blasts away the crystal holding his reflection. I stare at the broken shards as time seems to catch up with me. The world keeps spinning: but I am still standing still. “N-No, I’m not going to lose you now...” I sniffle, closing my eyes and sitting. "I... I love you... I love you, Eacko..." The silence answers back. I rest my head on the floor and cry. Silence will never replace my love. I simply weep. Hours, I cry. Even as my heart seems to calm and the tears start to dry, my throat goes dry and the cycle starts again. My entire body seems paralyzed even as I tremble and shake with every sob. Crying was weakness, I know, but what can I do to stop? Each breath I take to stabilize myself just gives my mind another chance to think of my loss. All we could have had, had I not been so blind! I could have had love! Courting, loving, marriage… He and I could have sired children. We could have done the Changelings proud. Instead of that, I am left in agony now. Each breath brings a stab of pain to my heart. But the hours drag on and I feel my tears begin to subside. I still sob, but I am spent now. No tears remain in me. I feel no relief from this fact; my body aches with the need to cry. I close my eyes and rest my head in my hooves. I try to think of him. His stony faced demeanor around me, his armor, his eyes… Nothing is right in my memories. I try to separate him and the copy I now pretend to be, but there is no difference. I start to think more of the months I was in Canterlot, disguised. His laughter at my comments as we met in secret. Our secret lunches - just the two of us. His shining, happy eyes… “W-why did you give up, Eacko? Why… f-for me....” I gulp, trying to remove the lump from my throat without success. I had seen in his eyes that he thought my plan would fail, but he had followed me this whole time… All because he loved me. And now, here I ran, my tail between my legs like a startled Diamond Dog. Now I ran from the one changeling - the one pony whose presence has confused me to the point I have broken down sobbing. The pony whom I love. I open my eyes again, standing on trembling hooves. “No… No, he will not d-die…” The word stumbles around in my mouth as I stay it. “H-He’s not dead yet! I-I can still save him!” I start to pace, my breathing coming fast now. “I-I can go up to one of the guards! I can just change in front of the guards!” No, that won’t work and I know it. They’ll think I’m some desperate changeling trying to throw them off - which I am, but that’s besides the point. “P-Perhaps I can discuss things with Celestia…” Not likely, after I hurt her as I did. Luna will be in charge at the moment, and she has every reason to hate me after the events of the past. There will be no help from the nocturnal princess. “I-I can… I-I can save him, on the execution stand!” It’s a long shot. I would have to stay in Canterlot until his… until they tried to put him to death. I will almost certainly be discovered and brought to death. But the more I think on the idea, the more appeal it has. If I stay, I can save him. I can bring him to the Bad Lands and we could stay together. He would be alive. And if I were caught, I would be killed, same as him. I would see my love there. I would be with him, forever. I turn to the crystal around me, hardly noticing the wild desperation in my eyes - in his eyes. They were his eyes; he was watching over me, even now. “I-I will SAVE YOU! J-Just as you have saved me! Y-You’re not going to die… You’re not going to die…” I repeat that under my breath as I sit again, biding my time. I will see him again. I won’t let him die. *~*~*~ I shake as I stand in the crowd. There is little love to be had around me, but I still stand strong and tall. Eacko’s love pours out, even now. I smile, albeit with a mad glint in my eye that I cannot see or feel. I will save him, I think to myself. He will not die. The bells start to chime and I jump as they do. Dong. Dong. Dong. I still have not grown used to them in my time here. They are loud and obnoxious. Today, they are even worse; they mark my lover’s death. What would be his death, I mean, because he will not die. I will save him, obviously. I shift my way through the crowd until I stand before the execution block. I gasp as the lump in my throat makes its presence known again; my eyes fall upon the Changeling Queen. Eacko. He is smiling, but I can see the pain in his eyes. I wasn’t expecting that sorrow. I feel myself tense up as I see that sadness. He blindly looks at the audience around him, seeing nothing. He is blinded in his grief, that same pain I know perfectly. He knows he will never see me again, just as I know the same. These are our final moments, unless I can save him. But I cannot. My body is frozen and I feel tears rising to my eyes once again. I know not how they come to be, but the tears rise despite that. “Queen Chrysalis of the Changelings, Ruler of the Bad Lands.” I try not to jump as I hear my name. Fear suddenly grips my heart; Celestia. I keep my eyes focused on my love, too terrified to take her in once again. Her every atom breaths gracefulness, but I can feel the wrath locked away inside her. No queen - or princess - can have such power without anger. I gulp and center my eyes on my goal. Still, I delude myself. I can save him. “You have committed acts of treason to Equestria, and have harmed my subjects. This is a crime I cannot allow, and you must be punished. Yet, this form of punishment is one I wish to avoid with all my heart. You have requested beheading, despite my offers of sanctuary in Canterlot prisons. Please, I ask you, reconsider this action.” Requested? My ears perk up. Why would he request death? “If it’s all the same to you, Celestia,” I hear my own voice reply, “I would never belittle myself to being trapped in your dungeons like a meager prisoner. You captured me, and I shall die by your hoof. It is as it has always been for my kind, and you would make a grave mistake to keep me locked away like a trophy.” I know he is right in what he says, but his words shake me to the core. He is dying because my race demands that of me. Were I captured in his stead, I would say the same. Yet now, what I might have once found joy in only drives a dagger through my already wounded heart. Changeling law is now ripping my love away from me more than Equestria has. I am betrayed by not only my blindness, but my own race as well. “Please, Chrysalis, we can negotia-“ “I wish not for petty negotiations. The Changeling empire will live long without me – for I know we can withstand the might of the Equestrian empire. We can stand strong on what remains.” We can’t. I know we can’t. I cannot survive without him. I cannot live without him. “Very well, Chrysalis. You have chosen your demise. But at your own hoof be it.” Now’s my chance! I steel myself in my plan. I will rescue him! I will save him from this fate, even if he thinks this fate is meant for him! I will love him! I love- Love. I freeze in place, all thought of my mission lost. I am overwhelmed as I was before by love. It is strong and furious and burns with a passion hotter than Celestia’s sun. The world seems hazy and perhaps brighter than before. It all comes from the Changeling on the execution block. She sighs, but I see past it all. I see him missing me. I see Eacko, thinking of me. Even now, on the execution block, he thinks more of me than himself. My tears are falling freely now, and I cannot move to stop them. His love has paralyzed me. I'm frozen in his great love. I cannot save him. He opens his eyes, and he stares right into my soul. He is smiling. He is crying as well, but I can feel the joy in each teardrop. He shuts his eyes in his happiness upon seeing me one final time. He takes a breath. He cries out. “Goodbye, my lo-!” Slash. I watch in horror as his tears fall, emotionless as his heart stops, to the wood below. They mingle with the blood he shed for me. My eyes are wide with disbelief. I take a step back, the ringing of the Canterlot bells still sharp in my ears. Dong… Dong… Dong… My emotions numb. All my thoughts waver in and out. I know I must return home now. There is work to be done. I watch as they drag away the lifeless corpse. I know it should have been me. My heart should have been that which stopped beating, not his. I should have died. I deserve it. It should have been me. But it wasn’t. I can’t deny that anymore. “G-goodbye… Goodbye my.... my love…”