I turned over to look at Sombra, noting that from when I last saw him hours ago before entering the hat, he hadn't had bloodshot tinge to his sclera. "Are you drunk?! In my hat? Are you drunk inside my hat?!"
He glanced over to the bar table. "I was. Now keep your voice down. Or better yet, shut up," he snapped grumpily and given me an even angrier than usual glare that made me want to crawl under a blanket for a couple years.
He was kidding right? Please, please, please tell he was kidding.
"Being sealed in ice for 1,100 years made it hard to remember exactly how much cider makes me sick. Guess my memory is refreshed now. Besides, have you seen the selection of consumables your hat offers? Its either unlimited cider or... water."
"Are you telling me you wouldn't drink an unlimited supply of water?!"
He reeled back. "Water is the liquid of sickness and contamination! No matter how casually it's consumed in this era, I still wouldn't dare to touch the stuff, especially since the sources you obtain water from aren't wild ones, which might be safe. But from a city? Never."
I trotted up to the glowing hearth to warm up, utterly disgusted with his behavior. "I thought you drank water when you were with Cadance."
Sombra snorted. "Just because I was magically sealed in ice, which is one of the main causes of my currently prolonged life, does not mean I'm immortal or completely immune to salmonella and any illnesses related to it. Any water she gave me I faked consuming."
But they were out there for months... how? Magic? He acted like he didn't need to eat!
"How long could you have survived without consuming water?"
He might make an interesting subject if a) I had my equipment that didn't survive the library's demise and b) I weren't tremendously disgusted at what was beyond fasting.
"If you really must know Purple Eyesore, I can survive almost fifty days without consuming any liquids. Food is a different story."
Liar. Dirty liar. Narcissistic liar. Violent liar. Hat thief liar. Pukes in my hat liar.
Smile. Just smile and wave. Be nice Twilight Sparkle, be the better pony.
"How do you know this? In what way could you explain this conclusion of yours? What data has this study produced and how was it gathered? Did you, perhaps, stab anypony to get it?"
I watched as he rolled his eyes, there was no way he could come up with a reasonable way to back up his claim. The only reaction he would get from me would be a 'hah!'. Yes, nopony, not even this tyrant can usurp the scientific theory!
"Self-experimentation, if you'd like to put a term to it."
Oh no... he did not. I felt vomit touch the back of my throat. What did he do to himself and why? How? No, wait I don't want to know.
"Sombra what kind sick and irresponsible pony does that?! Everypony that's grown and sound of mind knows that would cause serious health problems."
For once his snarky expression was replaced with a look of surprise I had not seen him use along with a snarkless and direct to the point tone that was level instead of grumpy.
"I guess you could say that I was only eleven, which isn't adulthood in any I society today." He then shrugged this off as normal.
Just how warped was this pony?!
"I'm going to sleep," I huffed, tired of snark, vomit inducing experiments, the Trottish language, and the worst thing ever- a certain crimson eyed pony.
"Fine, but I get the couch."
I ignored him and stalked over to the bed with all my bags and books. Perhaps, tomorrow I would the enchanting wonders of this hat.
...
Outside the Arctic Wind carried the call into the Vale-Where-Blood-Has-Been-Spilled. It whistled ice bits and Windigo breath searching, for the spirit who lives in undeath.
'The runes have been lit in aura. The two-voiced one returns...'
It searched farther upon finding no response until at last it found its destination, a clearing of ice and stone humming with old magics.
'The runes have been lit in aura. The two-voiced one returns to face their bane, as you, spirit, call yourself.'
The ground stirred and cracked seeping an ancient mist. The tendril tips emerged commanding further incantation.
'A fabled southern Element finds its way to certain death. The script of unseen runes awakens thee.'
Snow was stirred blurring even the wind's view. Tremors unheard to the North shook the land.
Unbeknownst to two adventurers sleeping in a hat.
Unnoticed to two sisters with a plethora of odysseys as a past.
Unknown to a primordial goddess sleeping in her Tree, blind to the plight of her prophet.
...
I trotted over to the beverage barrels of my hat to grab a slice apple pie, making note how little the couch cushion fort moved. Sombra really likes that couch.
I smacked into something solid in my way and a hot chunky goop was dumped on my head. "Ow! O-w-w-w-ow-ow!" I yelled leaping backward.
A small glob fell into my open mouth. Apple pie?
"Well, I see I won't be getting any breakfast this morning."
Shaking off some of the offending substance, I faced front. "Sombra?"
It was just my luck that my grumpy 'room mate' was awake instead of asleep like I thought...
He glared at the mug he still clutched in magic aura. "Thanks for ruining my first meal of the day," he grumbled, "I've heard that according to your modern superstitions, it's supposed to be very important too."
"Listen, I'm sorry I bumped into you, but you do understand it is unlimited, don't you?"
Sombra continued to glare armies at me. "You know what, I don't think I'm hungry anymore."
He then proceeded to dump the steaming cider on my head before exiting the hat.
Nopony heard me scream.
...
I tried my best to remove all of the food, knowing that if I went outside like this I could have frozen food stuck to me.
I'm just lucky that this didn't go any farther then a major 'ouchie' and that I know a couple of spells to help out with this. I want to cry and quit, I really do... but I've gone too far and am now stuck in tundra territory with this tyrant. I'm too far in, right...? Why did Celestia even suggest this monster? I swear he's a sadist a few chapters short of a novel.
...
I went to peer out the crystal-window and was able to glimpse the dull scene below like a gypsy with a crystal sphere.
It was clearly day and snowing slightly. Sombra was trudging through snow. I couldn't see his face at the angle the image was presented but purple smoke was visible. He was angry, but about what?
Shouldn't I be the angry one?
The hat, which was presenting this scrying view was affixed to the clip that used to hold his map.
He didn't have his map. Starswirl didn't need to have a map to find his refuge.
The compasses in my hat read northeast.
You can't escape me, Starswirl.