How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Probably the same amount as the number of seashells she sells by the seashore.
See? I've got a sense of humor, even at this old age. Let it never be said that I can't take a joke.
How would you say you've bucked the trends and stereotypes of society?
I think I've been explaining that for a while now, Mr. Book. The whole point of the Wonderbolts is that we're not just a branch of the military. We have given ponies a new goal to aspire to, and that goal is being lauded as one of the best flyers in Equestria and inspire others to do the same. Pegasi like Flaire de Mare now have a chance to leave their mark on history without necessarily following our old military traditions. And thus far, it has been a rousing success.
Do you have any close friends who are griffons--or any other race for that matter?
Now that you mention it, I actually do know someone. He's not a griffon per se, but his father was. And honestly, it was thanks to him that I even agreed to perform in Griffonstone.
I'll admit it, I didn't like griffons growing up. All I knew about them was from the stories my grandfather would tell me, and all of those stories were about how he and Commander Hurricane fought the Griffon Hoards of the olden days. That didn't give me a favorable impression of them. What's more, most griffons I had met in my youth were rather aggressive in nature, so that didn't help matters, either.
Then one day, Medley introduced me to this new musician who wanted to work with her. His name was Izzy Glow, or at least, that's what he went by. At first, I thought he was just a pony, but then Medley invited me to have dinner with him. As it turned out, he was not a pony. Well, not entirely.
From the front, he appeared to be a griffon, which did set off a few warning bells in my head. Again, I didn't have much exposure to griffons at this point, and the exposure I did have wasn't great. Then, I noticed that his hindquarters were completely different. Instead of lion's paws, he had, hooves. Not just hooves, but also a Cutie Mark depicting a glowing guitar. I've seen my fair share of strange things in my lifetime, but this is probably the only moment I can think of that rendered me speechless.
After a very awkward bout of silence, I finally asked him what he was. Medley chastised me for being rude, but Izzy didn't seem to mind. He explained that he was a hippogriff. At the time, I had no idea what that was. He then said something that blew my mind entirely. His father was a griffon, and his mother was a pony.
It was at that point that I started to question everything I knew about griffons, and I was right to do so. Izzy told me that griffons being greedy warmongers was a stereotype from the days before the Idol of Boreas was discovered. I honestly couldn't help but empathize with that. After all, I knew how hurtful stereotypes could be. As such, I can't thank Izzy Glow enough for opening my eyes. I don't think the Wonderbolts would've been nearly as successful as they are today if I was a raging hypocrite.
Izzy and I have been keeping in touch on and off. He's still going strong over in the Griffon Kingdom, and he's performed with Medley from time to time. He even says that his old man is a big fan of the Wonderbolts, as are many other griffons. I suppose that's why we were invited to perform in Griffonstone. Looking back on it now, I'm glad we got that opportunity. I might've formed the Wonderbolts with ponies in mind, but that doesn't mean other species can't appreciate what we do.
Being a soldier must be pretty risky and you've had a few close calls, but have you ever lost someone in the line of duty? (Other than Thistle Whistle) If so, what happened? How do you deal with it today?
Ah, yes. The most difficult part about being a military pony. I figured I'd end up talking about this sooner or later.
I should start out by saying that on this front, I'm actually luckier than I have any right to be. Since the formation of the Wonderbolts, we've been a very peaceful nation. Sure, the EUP is still called in to deal with the occasional monster attack, but that's about it. Warmongers like Catrina are an aberration, not the norm. And it's true that ponies still get hurt in the line of duty. It's going to happen, no matter how cautious you are. But nowadays, you don't hear that much about ponies dying in combat. It still happens, but it's far from commonplace.
That being said, there is one soldier I'd like to give special mention to. Her name was Songbird, and hers is a story I will never forget for as long as I live.
***
I first met Songbird during the early days of the EUP; back before the Wonderbolts existed. She was a new recruit, and it was my duty to whip her into shape. This actually proved to be very difficult. See, Songbird didn't want to be a soldier at all. She actually hated the military. The only reason she was serving under me was because she was pressured into it by her parents, who were both military ponies themselves. I don't claim to know what that must've felt like for her. My family was always supportive of my ambitions, even when they didn't agree with them. The same goes for Medley. In fact, I saw a bit of Medley in Songbird. At least, up to a point.
While Medley detests violence, she has never claimed that I was wrong for choosing a military career. Songbird, on the other hoof, said I was nothing but a bloodthirsty jarhead who got her kicks by making others suffer. Actually, she said that about everypony in the EUP. I can't say I cared for her attitude, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't lose my temper because of her constant mud-slinging. Nevertheless, I never hated her as a pony. In fact, I have a feeling that deep down, she didn't really hate me, either. She was just lashing out because her parents forced her into something she wanted no part of. That would probably make anypony a bit testy.
Songbird and I butted heads plenty of times while she was under my command, but none of those arguments were as bad as the one we had before she died. It happened at the end of autumn; just before the Running of the Leaves. I had received a summons from Princess Celestia herself along with the other generals of the EUP. Wasting no time, I flew straight to Canterlot for what was no doubt a mission briefing.
When I arrived before the Princess, she appeared to be rather distraught. Once she started explaining the situation, I could see why. Right outside our borders, two nations were embroiled in war. Those nations were the Naga Empire and the Garuda Federation. Now, to this day, we know nothing about either of these factions. In fact, I can sum up our intel on them in a few short sentences. There are a bunch of snake people, and there are a bunch of bird people. The snake people don't like the bird people, and the bird people don't like the snake people. Thus, the two species are at war with one another. Seriously, that's all we've got on them.
Anyway, Princess Celestia had been in contact with both warring factions, trying to arrange a peace treaty or some sort of summit. However, both sides refused her offer outright. The Nagas didn't trust her because she spoke with the Garuda, and the Garuda didn't trust her because, well, she spoke with the Nagas. All the while, their generation-long conflict was threatening to spill out into Equestria. As such, Princess Celestia had no choice but to deploy the EUP and send these guys a message. That message was that if they insisted on continuing this war, Equestria was not the place to do it.
Now, I was actually on board with this. Whatever the Nagas and the Garuda were fighting about, it was their problem and their problem alone. Equestria had nothing to do with it, and we had to tell these dock-holes to leave before we were roped into the fray. I think that's a perfectly reasonable position to have. But when I relayed Princess Celestia's orders to my troops, Songbird did not agree.
Right in the middle of my briefing, she got up and started berating me for perpetuating the violence. She said that we weren't solving the problem at all. We were just sending it somewhere else. She claimed that the right thing to do was to have the leaders of both sides meet each other and discuss this like civilized creatures.
And you know what, Mr. Book? She wasn't wrong. I may not have agreed with her completely, but I saw where she was coming from. She was a highly vocal peace advocate; of course she would favor a diplomatic solution. But here's the problem. Princess Celestia had already tried that, and it didn't work. If it did, she wouldn't have called us for this mission in the first place. The only reason we were being deployed was because there were no other options. It was either this, or Equestria would be dragged into a war for no good reason. And Princess Celestia certainly did not want that to happen. I don't think anypony wanted that.
Songbird was not having any of it, though. She continued to rant and rave, cursing me out and chastising the entire EUP as if we were a bunch of spoiled brats who needed to be told right from wrong. I let Songbird get away with her attitude in the past, but in this instance, she crossed the line. The briefing ended in a heated debate between us that almost came to blows. Thistle managed to break it up, but just barely.
That was my last real conversation with Songbird. And looking back on it now, I wish that it wasn't.
***
Despite her misgivings, Songbird still joined my platoon when we flew out to confront the Nagas and the Garuda. She may have talked a big game, and I don't doubt that she had strength in her convictions. It's just that because her family wanted her to follow the typical pegasus military tradition, she had no say in the matter. She had to listen to me and follow my orders, whether she wanted to or not.
We met with the rest of the EUP as well as a sizable fleet of airships just outside of Equestria's borders. From our vantage point, we practically had front-row seats to the war between the Nagas and the Garuda. It was anything but pretty. Both sides were going at each other in full force. Crossbow bolts whizzed through the air like a swarm of angry hornets. Blasts of magic bounced back and forth, cooking the atmosphere. Loud screeches and powerful rasps echoed across the mountainside. It was probably the most brutal sight I had ever seen in my entire life. And coming from a military pony, that's saying a lot.
Our strategy was clear. Because of Princess Celestia, the Nagas and the Garuda knew that we were aware of their activities. As such, our plan was to maintain our position and not to engage unless the combat spilled over into our territory. Best-case scenario, one soldier from each side would notice us, tell their COs, and they'd leave. Considering the intensity of the battle, though, I was pretty sure it wouldn't play out that way.
Sure enough, there were a few instances when some naga scout would try to flank his opponent by crossing into Equestria, or some Garuda mage would come dangerously close to violating our airspace. Every time this happened, we would give them a warning shot, be it an avalanche from the Earth Ponies, a spell from the unicorns, cannon fire from the airships, or a peel of thunder from my platoon. We made it clear that we didn't want their war coming to Equestria.
I don't remember how long we stood there, shooing these schmucks from our borders. But apparently for Songbird, it was long enough. I saw her breaking formation out of the corner of my eye and ordered her to return. In response, she had this to say:
"You might be comfortable with seeing people die in droves, General Firefly, but I'm not. I don't care what you say; this meaningless bloodshed does not need to continue. I'm marching right over there and telling them just that. And there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
With that, she flew right into the fray. I probably should've been mad at her for her blatant insubordination, but honestly, I just went completely numb. It's hard to explain, but I felt as though my special talent was working against me. Because of our disagreement, I inspired her to defy my orders and deal with things her way, just to prove me wrong. And despite what she believed, that was going to get her killed. Either she was blind to that fact, or she just didn't care.
That moment of hesitation was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Just as I was about to fly after her, she was shot out of the sky. The poor girl thought she could stop a pair of mages from launching their spells at one another by standing in-between them. Instead, she just got caught in the crossfire. And despite that, the two sides continued to clash as if nothing had happened.
Now I got mad. Songbird and I might not've seen eye-to-eye, but she was still my responsibility. I wanted nothing more than to charge in and give those bastards a piece of my mind. However, a familiar whistling held me back. Thistle Whistle told me not to make Songbird's mistake. That just made me more angry, and I lashed out. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I remember kicking myself pretty badly. I should've realized that this wasn't the life for her. I should've told her parents that if they really loved their daughter, they'd listen to her and let her do what she wanted with her life. Instead, my guiding light turned from a beacon of hope into the headlight of an oncoming train. I kept going on and on like that until Thistle placed a hoof to my lips and shook her head.
"Songbird's decisions were her own, Firefly," she told me. "Don't blame yourself for something that isn't your fault."
I couldn't control myself. Right in the middle of a mission, I just hugged Thistle and bawled like a young foal. It was clear that I was in no condition to continue fighting. Thistle had me relinquish command to Wind Cutter, and she led me back home to Cloudsdale.
While I did blame myself for a while, I came to realize that my influence was negligible compared to everything else Songbird had to put up with in her life. She was forced into an environment that she had no business being in, and seeing a full-scale war playing out right before her very eyes just caused her to snap. If anything, I blame her parents for trying to dictate her life, and even then, that was the general attitude of pegasi at the time. All the more reasons why I formed the Wonderbolts to change all that, I guess.
I understand why Songbird did what she did, but that doesn't make it right. There's a fine line between being a martyr and being a fool, and Songbird flew straight over it. The Nagas and the Garuda still carry out their war in parts unknown to this very day. Her actions didn't affect them one iota. Still, her ideas weren't wrong per se. Heck, I'd say that if Princess Celestia was to watch me debate with Songbird, she'd side with her over me nine times out of ten. It's just that she couldn't handle the stress of being a military pony, and that's okay. She was okay.
In retrospect, maybe I could've done more for her. But honestly, I was never a pony to let myself get stuck in the past like that. Life goes on, y'know?
Have you yet come to terms with your mortality? What do you think lies after death?
That's kinda why I'm writing these memoirs in the first place, Mr. Book. After I say everything I want to say in here, I'll be able to leave this world knowing that I've lived a full life. Oh, I don't plan on going anytime soon. I'm not one to give up. Still, you can't really plan for this sort of thing, can you?
As for what comes after, well, I don't know. I don't think anypony knows. But when you're in my line of work, you soon realize that it doesn't matter, either. You just live your life being the best you can be, and that's all anypony can ask of you.
Also, what would you do to defend yourself if you were suddenly attacked by a Moa?
...
I'm guessing that's another flightless bird. Sheesh, way to kill the mood, Mr. Book.
Well, seeing as I can fly and it can't, I've already got the advantage. Beyond that, I'd just treat it like any other enemy.