//------------------------------// // Chapter 17: This Isn't a Race, It's a Clusterbuck! // Story: Clusterbuck to City Hall // by Caddy Finz //------------------------------// "Do you have any Celesta damn idea...any conceivable fucking clue how fast you were going?" The white unicorn trooper asked Caramel. "Well s-sir, if I'm n-not mistaken..." Caramel stuttered as the size and stern expression from the higher ranking stallion proved to be quite intimidating. " I believe I was g-going close to nin-" "License and registration...now." Caramel then did as he was told and presented his driver's license, the registration card for the undercover car and his police badge that he kept in his wallet for good measure. A closer observation of the trooper made it clear that he ranked very high within his barracks as his uniform was covered with nearly every kind of badge imaginable. As he analysed Caramel's credentials, the stallion with a mane of blue and a cutie mark of a purple sheild, he appeared to be a lot less forgiving than Caramel would have hoped. "You know, in your line of work, you should know better than to drive like that!" The stallion shouted. "You may think you're big in Ponyville but you drive by my rules on my highway! And just what the hell are you doing driving a bunch of civilians around in a police vehicle when you're not even on duty?!" Caramel could not find the courage to answer the large stallion who towered over him as much as his cousin Bic Mac and the only sounds that were able to escape his mouth were terrified whimpering. Caramel was as though as he needed to be for his job as a police officer but for as long as he could remember, he still felt as if he were a pasty little runt. That of which was partially true as his cousin Applejack could beat him at hoof wrestling any day. "Guess what?" The trooper captain said. "I'm taking down your badge number and I'll be bringing you right back to your chief to have your ass shi-" "Dude! lighten up!" Rainbow dash said as she lowered her window which made Caramel's heart sink even further down. "Yeah, c'mon pardner!" Applejack added. "Yer actin' like he was messin' 'round with Cadence er somethin'!" "Rainbow Dash?! Applejack?!" The trooper who apparently knew them said. "BBBFF!" Twilight exclaimed over the radio. "Twiley?!" "Pinkie Pie!" The crazy party mare beamed as she popped out of the trunk. "Well that was real bombdigiddy of your brother to give us free tickets to the grand galloping gala, Twilight!" Caramel said to the librarian over the cb radio. "Heheh, over the years, I've learned what pushes his buttons." Twilight replied. Five Minutes Earlier... "No, wait Twiley! Please don't tell Mom!" Shining Armor pleaded. "AJ and Rainbow didn't even say anything until I said what I said after he said that he was a cop but I didn't know that he knew you! I mean, the windows were tinted and this isn't fair! Here! I'll even give your friends all free tickets to the gala!" Now... "Heheheh. That big, silly oaf hasn't changed a bit. I'll see you all soon and we can talk about the footage you got." After another twenty minutes, Caramel, Octavia, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and the now discovered stow-away Pinkie were back at the library. As soon as they arrived, Rainbow Dash went to work preparing the footage for review on the vcr. While they were all confident that this was the last nail in the coffin for Filthy's campaign, Twilight still could not help but think about Discord whom certainly got on her nerves sometimes but still saw as a friend. Though it was not entirely confirmed that he was really involved in any activities that were cause for concern, she still felt that perhaps he would simply never change. At first glance, it did not seem as if Discord was working with Filthy but the footage that they had made little sense and it was difficult to prove or disprove any theories. Discord had Filthy secretly meet him at his factory to discuss business agreements with him but called him a fool and disappeared with his briefcase full of Celestia knows what. Ding dong! "I'll get that." Twilight said after the doorbell rang. "Keep looking at that footage. There's gotta be something that we can go by to-" Twilight trailed off as she opened the front door to see Discord himself standing before her, a proud look on his face and a briefcase in his claw. The lavender librarian had never been more confused in her entire life than she was now as she had no idea what the draconiquis was doing in the video, let alone on her doorstep. "Oh goodie..." Twilight deadpanned. "We were just watching a movie starring you and Filthy." "Ah yes, dirty business that." Discord replied as he let himself in. "On that note, Twilight dearest, I daresay I have something that you all may find quite useful for your cause." Discord then walked into the room where everypony was sitting, laid the case on the table before them and opened it revealing a large stack of papers, photographs, blueprints and other such documents. Everypony just stared in shock as Discord separated the papers into smaller stacks and laid them all out on the table for all to get a good look at. There were even land contracts that were agreements to level public areas of Ponyville and make room for malls, factories, and auto dealer lots that especially caught their eyes. "I can't believe it..." Octavia said. "Discord, you were...y-you got these from Filthy to hoof over to us?" "Why yes." Discord replied. "Yes I did." "Why?" Twilight asked. "Why are you helping us?" "Because Twilight, I know you've never really trusted me. Everypony else came to trust me but you stood out from the rest and still didn't budge. Let's just say this was an attempt to finally earn your trust." "Discord, you're like totally rad! Do you know what this means?!" "That I'm totally rad and you need to lighten up?" "N-well that and with all this evidence, we have the election! With only a few weeks left, there's no way the town will side with Filthy now!" "This day has turned out great!" Octavia beamed. "Now we have all this stuff that will surely put Rich to shame and Vinyl is getting out of the hospital tomorrow!" "Tubular!" Caramel added. "Hey you know, I think it would be best if we broadcast this stuff like the night before election day. It will make it so Filthy will have no time to come up with a counter attack." "Fine by me, bohunk." The next two weeks went by with thick tension in the air. The whole summer- long ordeal was finally coming down to the wire and even though things seemed to be going well, the tension radiated through the air like a record heat wave. Vinyl was out of the hospital and had a relaxing day at the spa, Twilight was able to acquire a van with a speaker on top and Caramel was holding on to the case full of evidence for safe keeping. They had not seen or heard anything from Filthy since they spied on him at the auto factory and Octavia seemingly had the mayor's office secured for herself. With just under a week to go until a mayor would be chosen and Vinyl improving more by the day, Octavia decided that the two would spend the day together driving the van around town. Doing so, they would further promote Octavia and make the town aware that they would soon learn the truth about Filthy Rich. "CMC, huh?" Octavia said out or curiosity of the nameplate on the unfamiliar vehicle before her. "I've never heard of that brand before." Meanwhile, in a Barn at Sweet Apple Acres... "Cutie mark crusader motor coach manufacturers! Yay!" Three little fillies exclaimed in unison. "Okay Vinyl, let's head over to the residential district first and then we'll do the business side." Octavia said as she and her best friend climbed into the van, Vinyl in the driver's seat. "You got it, Tavi." Vinyl replied. "So what kind of propaganda are we gonna be blaring out to the public?" "I have a few things written down. Have the mic ready for when we get there." After a few blocks, Octavia and Vinyl neared the area where they would be spreading the good word. Not without a hitch however as Vinyl began swerving the vehicle and weaving in and out of traffic. She had her shades on and since she recently had medical issues, this was cause for extreme concern for Octavia. "Um, Vinyl?" Octavia said. "Are you feeling alright?" "Wha?" Vinyl answered. "Aw helllllllll yeah, Tavi. Never felt uhhh...what's that word I'm looking for?" "Better perhaps?" "Awww yeahhh!" "I'm not buying that, Vinyl. What's wrong?" "Well pardon me for following the doctor's orders and taking my meds like he said I should." "Uh huh, do you happen to have your pill bottle with you?" "Yeah, why?" "Hoof it over." Vinyl obliged to Octavia's request and presented the bottle to her so she could read the label and possibly get to the bottom of the unicorn's odd behavior. Phucitol-to be used as a blood pressure reducer. Side affects may include dizziness and/or drowsyness. Do not drive or operate machinery while taking this medication. Also, we find it quite sad that it has come to this and we really should not have to but we are required by law to remind the public that this medication must be taken by mouth as in the hole on your face. "Vinyl, pull over and let me drive." Octavia demanded. "Tavi..." Vinyl said as she pulled her shades off revealing her dopey, bloodshot eyes. "I though we agreed that I was a big girl and I could deliver these muffins myself." "Oh sweet Celestia Vinyl, you're high as fuck!" "Hey, when this is all done with, we should go cow tipping! Ohhh, speaking of cows...Hey everypony! Filthy Rich likes to get filthy with bovines! Gahahahahaaaaa!" "Vinyl! Pull over now! If you blare that silly crap on the PA system, that will make us look uber unprofessional!" "No way! Everypony knows that cows are gross. Hey, wanna see how far I can fit my tongue up my nose?" "Celestia damn it Vinyl, you'll get us both killed!" "They hell I am! This is a free country, I can say what I want without somepony coming up an-" Slam! "Take that back you bitch!" Filthy shouted as he rammed the side of Vinyl and Octavia's van with his red sports coupe. "Make me!" Vinyl retorted, returning a firm smack to the side of Filthy's car, leaving a sizable dent behind. "Caramel! Darling you've got to help me!" Octavia frantically yelled as she called her coltfriend with the van's built in phone. "Vinyl is fucked up on her medications and Filthy is ramming into us! We're going West on Bro-ham street!" "Hold tight, baby!" Caramel replied. "I'm just around the corner!" "Hey, Tavi." Vinyl slurred. "Tell him about the time our toaster talked to me. He told me the vacuum was being a jerk." "Oh sure he did, Vinyl. Just like the time you saw the radio beating up the desk lamp." "Hey he was asking for it! Shoulda left that poor electric blanket alone! Oooh, somepony should make a movie outta that!" "Just stop that damn van!" As the two out of control vehicles careened past the next intersection, Caramel was already waiting to give chase. The second they came into view, he flipped the switch activating the lights and siren on his police car and floored the pedal. Caramel made quick work of the distance between him and Filthy as he closed in and made it clear who he was after. "Pull over, Rich!" Caramel shouted over the police car's PA. "Do it now or I'll ram you right off the road!" Knowing that it was either pull over or risk further damage to his brand new sports carriage, Filthy made the wiser choice and stopped on the side of the road. Caramel was hot on his hooves and sprung out of his patrol coach to do what he had wanted to do all summer. "Get out of the coach, Rich!" Caramel shouted. "You're under arrest for vehicular assault!" "And just what in the hell do you think you're doing, punk!" Filthy retorted as he exited his vehicle. "Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?!" "I'm getting your lowlife ass off the street and my marefriend into the mayor's office you prick! Spread 'em!" "Oh look, you've got company." "Huh?" Filthy pointed behind Caramel at a black Sadillac sedan that had just pulled over behind the patrol coach. Two much larger stallions with black jackets and dark shades exited and slowly made their way towards Caramel. This could be trouble and the young officer knew very well that he was outnumbered and needed to act quickly. "Hold it!" Caramel ordered the two newcomers, his pistol now drawn. "You two get down now! This is police business and I'll fire if you come any closer!" "You can just trot away now, little buddy." Filthy said, bringing Caramel's attention back onto him. "If you forget what you saw, you can trot away five thousand bits richer. I don't have a beef with you and it's not too late to keep it that way." "Fuck you, you rat bastard! You screw with my marefriend, you screw with me! Now lay down on the ground, 'cause I'm taking your ass in!" "Oh? Well that dart stuck in the side of your neck seems to think otherwise." "Wha? This thi-you...you sunuva...fucking...bitch..." Thud!