//------------------------------//
// Slice of Life 
// Story: A Dream 
// by totallynotabrony 
//------------------------------//

	The meeting had been called in the pub's back-room command center.
Twilight got things started.  “I must admit, I’m a little jealous of Trixie and Daring.”
Applejack quirked an eyebrow.
Pinkie grinned like a maniac.
“It’s wonderful that you’re considering a serious relationship,” said Rarity.  “Although I think you could do quite well in the dating scene, rather than settling for a statistically-more populous mare.”
Pinkie grinned wider.  “Come to the lesbian side, Twilight.  I have cookies.”
“Well, I don’t consider myself a lesbian.  I’d just like to have a significant other that who shares common interests,” Twilight explained.  “Unlike Flash Sentry’s marriage.”
Rainbow shrugged.  “All I know is that it must be awesome for Trixie and Daring.  Who wouldn’t want sex that can be seen from space?”
“You’d need a telescope for that,” Guinness muttered into his beer.  He paused and frowned, thinking deeply about something.  “Telescope in space…?”
“I guess, all things considered, I’m okay with not having sex that can be seen from space,” Fluttershy allowed.
I decided that I would congratulate Trixie and Daring the next time I saw them.  That had to be some kind of record.
I’d also have to advise the rest that the walls of their super secret meeting room were pretty thin.
They kept talking.  Twilight said, “In other business, I’m a little suspicious of the factory that was built recently at the edge of town.”
“What factory?” said Rainbow.
“It only went up today,” Twilight explained.
“Wait, somepony put up an entire building in one day?” Applejack said.
“How is that possible?” asked Rarity.
“I don’t know, but there’s something very suspicious about it,” Twilight said.  “I think we should go take a look.”
“I knew the whole relationship issues thing was a ruse,” complained Pinkie.  “You lured us here with false expectations of homosexuality and then asked us to go on a mission.”
“Do you mind?” Twilight asked.
“Nope!”
I got up from the bar and paid Squibles for my drink.  He looked busy, too busy to try and figure out if he knew me.  My sunglasses and jacket helped with that.
The jacket was black and leather.  I got a few strange looks, but I doubt most ponies had ever seen the material before or had any idea what it was.  I looked awesome.
Outside the pub, I headed down the street, moving with a purpose.  I had a destination in mind.
Twilight had accurately described the factory at the edge of town.  It had gone up fast and there was something suspicious about it.  Of course, I knew what was going on – I knew everything that happened in Ponyville and had been narrating the story of it all – but I could see how the others could get such impressions of the building.
I was already inside the fence when the six of them approached.  Apparently they’d left Guinness at the pub.  That was good.  He might have recognized what was going on.
They all paused outside the gate, not noticing the subtle camera watching them.
“How are we going to get in?” Rarity asked.
“Let me check,” Twilight replied, scanning the perimeter.
The fact that they all seemed to be in agreement about breaking in showed how far they’d come.  Nice.
“I got it,” Pinkie said before the others could get too far.  She spit on the padlock.  The metal fizzled and melted.
Twilight cringed and glanced at Fluttershy.  “I still find it amazing that you’ve built up a resistance.”  She shook her head.  “I can fix the lock with magic on the way out.  Let’s go.”
The six of them cautiously walked into the compound and then in the front door of the factory.  None of them noted the sign on the front that read Hoofnmouth Industries, a nice ironic little touch.
The inside of the building was dark.  Twilight got a light spell going and they all immediately gasped in shock at the sight of a brain floating in a tank of liquid.
Distracted, it took them a moment to notice the metal machine at the other end of the building.  Picking their way across a floor filled with tools and support equipment, they approached.
“That looks like a drawing Valiant made once,” Twilight noted.  “Let’s see, I think it was called an airplane.”
“What’s it do?” Applejack asked.
Twilight shrugged.  “I have no idea.  I think it flies, but I don’t see rotors for hovering or a place to store hydrogen.”
Most ponies, even Twilight, are not really great with technology.
“It seems rather low-production for a factory,” Rarity noted, looking around.  “I see only one of these so-called airplanes.”
“I hope that’s a good thing and not an omen of things yet to come,” Fluttershy whispered.
The rest of them seemed to agree and turned for the door.  Twilight, with her somewhat above average powers of perception, stopped short.  “Where’s the brain?”
“The brain from the tank?” Pinkie asked.
“Which other brain would I be talking about?”  Twilight pointed.  “The tank’s empty!”
All six of them gulped at once.  Twilight said, “I…think we should get out of here and leave this mad science behind.”
Mad science?  Bitch, this is mad engineering!
But whatever.  They left and locked up behind them.
After watching them go, I headed down another street.  I spotted Doctor Whooves talking with Vinyl Scratch about something.  The way he was making circles in the air with his hooves, maybe it was buttholes.
Nah, probably not.  That would be more the speed of Sir Win, who came down the street at that moment riding a sea monster.  Not riding a sea monster, mind you, although knowing the two of them that wasn’t outside the realm of possibility for behind closed doors.  They were both pretty gay.
And speaking of a somewhat different kind of gay, I heard there was a wedding in town.  At least it would be the joyful kind of gay if it wasn’t currently a disaster.  Matilda ran by freaking out about it.  With her was a purple-on-purple planner.
I walked over to find out what was going on.
“Why are you choking me?” Morning Matte sputtered.
“Why are you not chained to a library basement wall?” I asked.
“Twilight and her friends are busy fighting some sort of bug/bear monster.  Matilda needed plans made.  She’s getting married but there was a mistake with the invitations and the event had to be moved to today.”
“What about the rest of them?”
“Shovelshy is at the station filling up train coalcars to fuel the extra trainloads of ponies that came for the wedding.  Bakey Pie forced her way into Sugarcube Corner to start making the cake.  Appletack is over at the town hall making sure the construction is solid so nothing will knock it down in the middle of the ceremony.  Reading Rainbow is working on the vows and updated invitations just in case the event has to be rescheduled.  Celebrity should be here shortly to handle the fanciness and freaking out that a wedding entails.”
Hmm.  The first time the B-Team gets out of the library, they start helping with a wedding, rather than, say, escaping.  Stockholm Syndrome is a bitch.
“When is the wedding?” I asked.
“In half an hour.”
Satisfied, I let her go and she hurried off with Matilda.
There seemed to be some commotion down the street and I walked that way.  It was a little difficult to concentrate on writing and walking at the same time, but I scribbled notes as I went.
I stood up on two legs to get my head above the crowd.  Sure enough, Twilight & co. were fighting a bugbear.  I shook my head and turned around.  One of these days they’d either move the town or obtain more potent deterrents.  It was just a little ridiculous how often things attacked Ponyville.
Okay, no, it was freaking ridiculous.  It happened like every week.
I went over to the town hall and walked in the door.  For only having half an hour to replan and redo a wedding, it was going pretty well.  Not that I would know what a good wedding looked like.
Reading Rainbow was at the podium, busily working on some papers.  I went over and held up the notes I had written.  “I think you dropped this.”
“Thanks,” she said distractedly, taking the paper and adding it to her pile.
It wasn’t the same as messing with Rainbow Dash.  In fact, it wasn’t messing at all.  I actually wasn’t trying to ruin the wedding.  Cranky and Matilda were arguably the most normal ponies in town and they weren’t even ponies.
While I was there, I stopped by where Appletack was working and advised her to install heavier insulation at the pub.  I also instructed that a proper command center should have a whiteboard as a step up from a chalkboard.
Outside, I got out of the way as Bakey Pie approached, pulling a huge wedding cake towards the building on a cart.
The bugbear came flying down the street after taking a particularly hard blow and landed on the cake, knocking the cart across the street.
Well, there went that.  Good thing I was on the scene with a Plan B.
While Bakey Pie freaked out, Celebrity helping her, and Matilda crying, I got out of their way.  Assuming everything worked out correctly, it wouldn’t be a problem.
I heard Matilda sniff.  “Well, at least everything else is ready.”
I decided to wait around outside the town hall until the ceremony.  Matilda went back inside, still drying tears but forced to go on with the show anyway.
I suddenly heard something that made me freeze.  I put my hoof to my ear, hardly believing what my earpiece was telling me.  Bon Bon was actually one of Celestia’s super-secret anti-monster agents and her real name was Sweetie Drops.  Well, actually, I guess that made sense.  Luna had her own agents, like Cheerilee.
I sure was glad the sophisticated spy satellites had been installed in orbit around the planet.  It made eavesdropping and collecting intelligence way easier. 
Pleased with the information, I remembered something else I wanted to do.  I still had time before the event.
Just a short walk away sat seven tanks.  The Element Bearers didn’t really know what to do with them, particularly the grey extra one.  It had some symbols on the side.
I paused while crossing the street to let Vinyl and Octavia go by on a cart full of electronics.  They mashed some kid’s toy shark that was lying on the cobblestones.
I went over to the tank poked it.  “Hey.”
Nothing happened.  I tapped on it with my hoof.   “Come on, I know you’re a robot in disguise.”
This time, mechanical noises came from inside and it shifted a bit.  An automated voice that sounded a little like the perpetually condescending tone of Alan Rickman growled, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“Just wanted to let you know I’m onto you.  We don’t need your kind around here.”
“Oh?  And what are you going to do about it?”
“This and that.  If we have to, asshole, the lethal option is always on the table.”
“Quite a little mouth on you, isn't there?”
“Powerful things have a track record of ending up dead around here.  You stay out of our business and we won’t have a problem.”  I did the I’m watching you thing pointing from my eyes to my conversation partner and walked away.
There were still three minutes before the wedding was scheduled to begin.  Feeling a little trollish, I walked around the back of the town hall.  Not seeing any prying eyes, I pulled out a can of spray paint and wrote VALIANT DID NOTHING WRONG in big letters.
As I was heading back to the front door, I spotted a shady-looking figure in a cloak hanging out.  I shook my head.  Starlight Glimmer sure was concerned with revenge and stuff.  At least she had the good grace not to hang out around the school trying to deal cutie marks like some sort of combination pedophile/drug pusher.
I thought about stabbing her in the ass with a switchblade.  Ever since I’d heard that the gluteal muscles, as the largest muscles in the body, were the last to go into rigor mortis, I’d always kind of wanted to test that theory somehow.  Plus, that way both her ends would be deformed.  
Continuing on, I walked into the town hall, shutting the door and locking it.  I heard six thumps as six mares ran nose-first into it.  They weren’t late, their enhanced combat prowess ending the fight with the bugbear before the wedding started, I just secured the door early.
I heard a quick conversation outside.  Applejack was constantly getting ever more pumped, and probably could have just leaned hard on the door to take it down, not to mention what Rainbow could do in either of her forms or what Twilight could do with magic.  They decided that between property damage costs and possibly interrupting an in-progress wedding, it was a better idea to just watch through the window.
Across the room, I spotted Trixie and Daring and headed over to them.  I smiled when I got close.  “Hey, I heard about your reverse solar flare.  Nice work.”
“Thanks!” said Trixie.  She hugged me.  “Good to see you again.”
Daring looked curious, but said nothing.  I didn’t need to talk to her anyway.  A very special satellite had been tasked to directly monitor her.
We found our seats.  Nearby, Lyra and “Bon Bon” were making up after an earlier argument.  Lyra admitting to cooking and eating, and I didn’t pay attention to the rest.  If I needed them for a clandestine job or something, their loyalty could be bought.  Assuming Bon Bon wasn’t just taking mercenary jobs for money as part of her cover.  Even if she was, I could just up the price.
Speaking of corrupt government employees, Celestia and Luna were having a whispered argument about the gift they meant to bring.  Luna had left it on the counter.
The gift was a china set made from the finest Neighponese materials.  That wasn’t part of the conversation, I just had the intel on it.
I decided to throw them a bone and have Cheerilee fetch it and bring it for the gift table before Cranky and Matilda started unwrapping things.  If an order came, or at least appeared to come, from Princess Luna, I was confident that Cheerilee would get it done.
Celestia’s mood seemed even more sour as she tried to fix her mane.  It was difficult to see with the naked eye, but she’d recently had it replaced with artificial.  Apparently it was much easier to put it on every morning instead of trying to get the damn flowing thing sorted out after sleeping on it.
Luna thought her sister wearing a hairpiece was funny, although she privately acknowledged the utility.
Behind the Princesses sat two ponies in long robes  and hoods.  It was Shining and Cadance, and they were quietly sobbing.  Couldn’t blame them.  They’d seen some shit at weddings.
Their whole Obi-Wan getup was kind of interesting.  I made a mental note to keep an eye on them.
Ahead of me, there was a blue and white filly named Cordoba swearing in Spanish and being a nuisance.  I chuckled.  Little tyke.
I saw the stallion known as Bible.  He had a sweet leather trench coat.  Despite looking badass, he seemed a little nervous.  Maybe he was afraid that every time ponies gathered in meeting places, they would place their hooves on him and say some kind of pledge.  Glad I didn’t have that problem.
The music came up and the Mayor stepped to the front of the room.  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-”
“Um, hang on, interrupted Reading Rainbow.  “That’s not how the script goes.”  She squinted at a piece of note paper and said, “The ordination is to be carried out by Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor.”
Cadance and Shining were perhaps more surprised than the rest of the crowd, but they dutifully went to the front of the room.  The two of them being super-ordained guaranteed that Cranky and Matilda would stay married.  I considered it my gift to the couple.  Well, that and the golden Twilicane I had found in the street and wrapped up.
Cadance and Shining weren’t prepared, but managed to stumble through enough lines to call it official.  Matilda and Cranky kissed and the deal was done.  The crowd broke into joyful cheers.
Outside, looking in through the window, Twilight was brimming with emotion.  “You know something, girls?  We are so lucky to live in this town.  I love you all!  I…I’m even tempted to say that I wish Valiant was here, because I think it would do him some good.”
I smirked.  All around the hall, balloons were falling and banners were unfurling.  One near the window read Congratulations Cranky and Matilda!
On the backside, where only those looking in through the window could see, it read, How do you know Valiant isn’t here?
There was no proof of that to any of the other guests.  After all, it’s said that if you’re doing your job right, it’s hard to tell that you’ve done anything at all.  Fortunately, there was a distraction.  A surprise replacement cake had just been wheeled in.  The calling card with it was anonymous.
I went with Trixie to get a piece.  On the way, I stopped by the guest register to sign.
I took a moment to decide exactly what impression I wanted to make, but then shrugged and decided to just go with the truth.
Sunset Shimmer