The Hadouken-based research failed miserably. Barring any form of magic of my own, I decided to find a way to level the playing field.
“This is a terrible idea, Valiant,” said Twilight.
“I think you’re just scared that I’ll succeed.”
“I am,” she said. “stripping a unicorn of magic would severely tip the balance of power between the three races.”
I shrugged. “So you and I would team up on the pegasi. Don’t worry, if I can do it, I can also undo it.”
Twilight gave me a look that showed just how much she believed that. I wandered out of the library, brainstorming.
It was an interesting problem. I decided that research was needed. I wasn’t exactly sure how magic worked, and I was in the mood to try something new. A little book learning might be easier than just rushing blindly in.
There was a storm blowing in at the moment. It was going to be a solid drenching rain that the weather ponies had scheduled. I fired up Monstrosity and rushed blindly into it.
The lack of GPS navigation in the middle of zero visibility conditions was kind of a problem. I realized that when a mountain loomed up out of the clouds.
I jerked the controls hard and the aircraft began to turn, but it wasn’t enough and there was a little collision with the ground.
I thanked the foresight that had led me to basically build Monstrosity to be indestructible. It was still buried in the side of the mountain in the middle of the rain storm, though.
Well, I might as well make the best of it. I leaned back in the seat and went to sleep.
A skinny old pony was tapping on the windshield when I woke up.
“Hey you! Get up, lazy bucker!”
I opened the door, pleasant sunshine greeting me. “Okay. What do you want?”
“You crashed this infernal machine into my house! It took me all night to dig out from under the rubble.”
I glanced around, noticing that the aircraft had been mostly uncovered due to his efforts.
“Sorry about that,” I said. “I didn’t mean to crash on a mountain in the middle of a thunderstorm, and I’m sure you didn’t mean to be underneath it.”
He sighed. “I guess I can accept that. Why are you here?”
“I was on my way to the Canterlot Archive to do research on how to stifle unicorn magic.”
“You realize that such an act would be akin to stealing the very soul of the affected pony? He asked.
“Wha—really? I was just hoping for a magical equivalent of a straitjacket or something.” I thought for a moment. “But ‘Valiant the soul-stealer’ would be a pretty badass title.”
The old pony shook his head. “Come with me. Perhaps I can help you.”
“You know how to steal souls?”
“I never said that. I just said I could help you.”
“Fair enough. Lay it on me, grasshopper.” I frowned. “Wait, I think that’s what you’re supposed to call me.”
“Indeed. Come along, I will teach you the mysteries of the universe.”
Well, he sure did. Somewhere in there, the old hermit brought out the ponyweed, or whatever he called it. My eyes were opened and my brain was filled. I just wish he taught me the solutions to all those mysteries.
“Dude, are you seeing what I’m seeing?” I asked through a fog of smoke.
“No,” he told me.
“How do you know?”
“How don’t you know, grasshopper?”
That didn’t exactly made sense, and I pondered it for a while. Somewhere in the haze of self-enlightenment and psychoactive drugs, I suddenly hit on the solution that I was searching for.
“I’ve got it,” I said. “All this time I’ve been searching for a magical, anti-magical magic blocker of magic.”
The old pony nodded as if he understood perfectly.
“What could be more anti-magic than science?” I said. “I know what I need to do.”
“Good luck and good buck,” said the hermit. “Give me a kiss.”
I frowned. “Dude, I’m not that stoned.” I stumbled outside and got the aircraft started. As I got a few gulps of fresh air, I realized that maybe I actually was more baked than I thought. One, I hadn’t broken the pony’s nose when he asked for a kiss. Two, I was hungry as shit.
“Valiant, what’s that smell?” asked Spike, sniffing the air.
“Truthfully, I don’t know,” I told him. “I think it’s on me. It was quality stuff, though.” I ingested another daisy sandwich.
“So, did you find anything interesting in Canterlot?” Twilight asked.
“This is different,” I said. “What’s with the sudden interest? Why do you want to know?”
“I just didn’t want to feel like I was out of the loop,” she said.
“You don’t normally ask me stuff,” I said. “You’re usually a strong, independent type.”
“Everypony needs a break sometimes,” she said.
“Do you get off on having someone help you?” I asked.
Twilight flushed and stuttered something. I personally didn’t care what rustled her jimmies, but it was fun to watch her squirm.
“Let me show you what I came up with.” I said, changing the subject. I finished another sandwich. After that, I pulled out a piece of screen door material and rolled it up.
“A…wire mesh ice cream cone?” asked Spike.
“Basically. The finely woven steel strands are the key.”
“What does it do?” asked Twilight.
“Well, based on the principle that radiated energy travels in waves, the fine holes in the mesh don’t allow it to penetrate given sufficient wavelength. I don’t really know who thought of that, but a guy named Faraday got credit.” I held up the piece of screen. “In summary, this stuff blocks energy. When you surround something with it, it’s known as a Faraday Cage.”
“What do you plan to do with it?” asked Twilight.
“Come outside and I’ll show you.” I walked out of the library, Twilight following me.
I went over to a metal rod that I’d stuck in the soil to act as a ground. After connecting a wire between it and the wire mesh, I plopped the cone on Twilight’s horn.
She looked up at it. “Okay…”
“Do magic.” I held up a small stone.
Twilight concentrated, and I saw some purple glowing going on, but nothing happened.
“I don’t understand,” she said.
“Science,” I said. “That’s all you need to know.”
Her horn glowed again and the cone fell off. She then tried again to get the rock to move and was successful.
“Hmm,” I said. “Slight error there. While you can’t affect anything outside the cage, you can move the cage itself. Oh well, a chin strap to hold it on will fix you right up.”
Twilight backed off a couple of steps. “I don’t like the implications of this, Valiant.”
“What, are you worried that I’ll sneak into your bedroom some night and leave you powerless?”
She nodded seriously.
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t. You might get aroused.”
Her face went red again. “I wish you wouldn’t keep bringing that subject up.”
“Well, you keep setting yourself up for it,” I pointed out.
“I don’t mean to! It’s an unconscious habit.”
“Outside of tying you down and spanking you like a bad filly, I can’t offer any way to discourage a habit like that.” I facehoofed. “Never mind, you’d like that too.”
“I-I’m going inside,” she said.
I turned to Spike. “Anyway, now that she’s out of here we can talk about something other than sex. You’ve lived with her for a while, right? Has she always been this way?”
“It comes and goes,” said Spike, shrugging.
“Whatever. Now that I’ve got the Faraday Cage technology, I can move forward with the other thing that I’ve been wanting to build.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“A giant weaponized Tesla Coil. The cage should stop me from being fried along with my enemies.”
“Good luck with that,” said Spike. He wandered away.
Nicola Tesla, bless his electrical soul, designed some really crazy stuff. It was all way ahead of its time and used insane amounts of energy. Shocking, really.
An aircraft I could replicate. A freaking death ray I couldn’t, however. I entered the library that evening feeling somewhat down after failing to make progress.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about the cage,” said Twilight.
I rolled my eyes.
“No, hear me out,” she said. “I think it could be useful in certain situations.”
I thought for a moment. “It would come in handy on my quest to kill Trixie.”
“Since when are you trying to kill Trixie?” asked Twilight.
“Well, I’ve never actively been not trying to kill her,” I said. “Since last week in Stalliongrad, though, the hunt has been on more than usual.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, I’m talking about using it for things like sporting competitions to give everypony a fair chance.”
“That’s boring,” I said. “Although I could look into other options besides killing Trixie’s bitch ass. We can leave her alone for a little while. That's the nice thing about people who are still alive. You can always kill them later.”
I thought for a moment. “Maybe I should talk to the law enforcement agencies and try to sell them this method to hobble unicorn prisoners.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Twilight said.
“You may not, but there have to be some,” I said. “Political prisoners are a cruel fact of a dictatorship. Those that disagree with the leaders get locked away.”
“Equestria doesn’t have political prisoners,” stated Twilight.
“So…they just kill them quickly and dump the body?”
“I think you’re missing the point, Valiant.”
“Surely I’m not the first pony to disagree with the government. If there are no places to keep such captured ponies, then that leaves only one other option.”
“The Princess doesn’t order murders to be carried out.”
“Do you believe that?”
“Yes!”
I shrugged. “No need to raise your voice. Do you feel like you’re losing the debate or something?”
“I can’t lose if you keep offering up such week arguments,” she retorted.
“And yet you keep arguing,” I said. “Why is that?”
“Because you’re wrong and I’m right!” Twilight’s voice was still gaining in volume.
I laughed. “A passerby might get confused as to who’s who. What idiot argues to be right?”
“That’s the point of an argument!”
“I think you just want me to give you a verbal beatdown because I won’t touch you otherwise, right?”
“What did you just say?” she demanded.
“Let me put it another way.” I cleared my throat and put on an accent. “Do I make you horny, baby?”
Twilight fired me out through the window with a burst of magic.
“Wooorrrttthhh iiiitttttt!” I shouted as I blasted off, Team Rocket style.
A reasonable flight later, I crashed through a flimsy roof and slammed into a bed. It was not very much padding, but I somehow managed to not die.
“Twice!” shouted the old pony. “This is twice you’ve wrecked my home!”
“Whoa, calm down old man,” I said.
“Well, I guess I can do that,” he replied. “Want to help?”
“No,” I said. “I learned my lesson. Drugs are bad, m’kay?”
He frowned. “When did you learn that?”
“When I started making pony sex jokes. That's not me, man. What the hell is in that stuff?”
“I have no idea.” He shrugged.
“Well, I’m going home. I’ve got a long way to walk.”
He waved. “Take it easy, grasshopper.”
Author Note:
Speaking of science, I'd like to thank Kitsunehero for this .gif of Valiant and his robot