The Last Pony on Earth

by Starscribe


Chapter 33: July 18-24

Hello Diary,

My name is Cloudy Skies, and I am an alcoholic. Woah, it’s pretty good about getting everything I say. No wonder Lonely Day likes doing this so much; this is way easy!

I guess I probably shouldn’t fill up this page with crap. Wouldn't put the page in if I did. Probably won’t anyway. Never met a pony more picky than that one. Pretty pony picky pony. It’s not my fault pony’s more fun to say than human! Human, newman, shoeman… That doesn’t even rhyme right, does it.

Sorry. This is a serious recording. I’m putting on my serious face. You can’t see it, but I’ve got my serious face on. See that, Day? I’ll take a picture so you can see just how serious I am. Everything is always so serious. Like instead of wanting a pretty pony, I get to be one.

I was only supposed to write if something serious happened. At least, more serious than life is for that pony every day.

Today’s serious stuff: the mean ponies who broke all my dirt bottles when they “cleaned” my room for me. I still haven’t said thanks for that. Maybe one day.

What did the mysterious ponies have to say? I didn’t record it or anything, and not everypony was there. Only Joseph and me. Been so long since we got time alone. Ever since that unicorn mare showed up…

How is that fair again? She hasn’t been here that long. She doesn’t even remember most of the time we’ve been ponies. So how come she’s not scared of anything, but I can’t even look Joseph in the eye?

I should really just say something. Maybe Day would listen to me. I wouldn’t be alone at least, and maybe two ponies could come up with something. Something more likely to get me where I want than what I’ve been doing. Which is nothing.

I guess anything’s better than that, huh.

Anyways. Anyways anyways. Sorry. The call was pretty short. “We would like to meet and talk in person.” Or something. Blah blah Doctor Whateverpants tried to be as scary as possible, but it was just us and I’m always pretty scared anyway.

Joseph thought it would be a bad idea to tell them we were weak. I just thought about what day seemed good, and the 27th seemed pretty good.

I asked the doctor what he wanted to talk about. Tried to sound as much like Lonely Day as I could. Pretended I was brave. I think he bought it. He talked about how having smart animals would be almost as good as shielding, since animals seemed to be immune to… to something. Something cool I guess? Something bad? Oliver says it’s bad, but it must not be that bad if it leaves all of us alone.

Maybe not all the way alone. I still can’t fly. Sun and moon in the sky, but I feel trapped down here. Can you even imagine? Ride the air currents, soar between the buildings, sleep on the clouds.

I’ll have Day make me some of those strawberry margaritas before I go. Too bad none of the others have wings. Maybe I’ll make some bird friends up there.

I already have some nice cow friends, and pony friends, and chicken friends. Dog friends seem like they’d be easy to make, but not many of those seem very nice. ‘Cept Huan. He’s keeping an eye on me while Day’s gone. I never thought about how soft and warm his coat would be. I bet it’s tons of work to keep him this clean…

I don’t think Alex is going to like my entry very much. I wouldn’t read somepony else’s diary, because that would be dishonest, but I bet if I looked back there, it’d be all business and boring. Probably lists. Maybe some diagrams. Spreadsheets. Powerpoints.

The others haven’t answered at all today. I hope they’re okay up in Oregon. Got a call when they landed safely, so at least they didn’t crash. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for why they haven’t come back yet.

The meany on the phone says it’s gonna be hard to meet. The “pocket horses” are one of the sources for the mystery stuff. Mystery juice. Radiation? He says we can choose where to meet, as long as it’s got lots and lots of room for him to land all his machines. Even then, only one of us is allowed to go, and only if “they don’t have any extra parts.” Oliver won’t hear it, so that means we’re going to have to count on the fearless leader making it back in one piece.

Sounds kinda like a trap to me.

We couldn’t talk about it though, because our hiatus ponies are MIA. Possibly forever. Maybe it was just really overcast up there. Maybe Moriah is being a jerk. That’s kinda like her thing. Or maybe there just hasn’t been time to call us back, even about something this important.

We got the safe landing call. We know they didn’t crash. I’m sure they have a perfectly good reason for not checking in. Ten days from now, we’ll be meeting with the “HPI.” We’ll have our missing ponies back, and everything will be perfect.

Everything has been great. Everything is going to go great. I’ve got friends. I’ve got nice friends. Nice ponies. Alex will keep me safe. Huan will keep me safe. Joseph will keep me safe.

I should really stop. I’m just gonna ruin the journal if I keep writing. I can’t draw nice pictures like these. I’m gonna go. Maybe Joseph likes Monopoly.

—Cloudy Skies

Dear Lonely Day’s Diary,

It’s not my fault I’m writing again. You don’t see me taking long trips and then vanishing from the satellite phone.

I probably would, though, if I got the chance. I’m a pretty useless pony. Four whole days and I still haven’t said anything to Joseph. Is that my fault? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. It’s a horse thing, right? You’d think being naked around him every day would be enough.

Alex thinks it’s gross. Gross, cuz’ human sex isn’t somehow. Oh sure, it’s okay when primates do it, but suddenly you’re an equine and now it’s bad. No romance, no love, no families.

That doesn’t make any sense, since Day cares so much about not letting the “human” race die out. Can’t have your cake and eat it too, pony! Either we don’t feel anything or we reproduce, but not both! Unless you want us to have foals but be really miserable about it. You volunteering to go first?

Sorry. I’m only supposed to write important things. Important things like this is the fifth day and still no more missing ponies. No radio, no planes in the sky, nothing. Just an empty city that never got enough rain.

Well, not that empty. Dogs are still around. I don’t think there are very many, but they attacked one of the herd today. Packs, you know.

Must’ve been desperate, because the herd was together grazing like they always are. I wasn’t really surprised that they could get into the park. One of the heifers ended up with several nasty cuts all down one side. At least they didn’t get one of the pregnant ones.

A pack of dogs working together is pretty scary. Not that I was there. God, I’m so glad I wasn’t there. I just know they would’ve gone for me. Flightless chicks always get eaten first. Is that how that goes? Flightless foals?

Daisy and Alice and Betsy (I wanted to give them better names, but they insisted), were all close when the pack went for Angel. Didn’t go easy on those dogs, either. Killed one of them, sent the rest away pretty bruised. They’re lucky it took that long for the bulls to notice, or else they’d probably all have been trampled.

I wish we hadn’t killed any. Hopefully the dogs don’t come back for revenge. Dogs don’t do that I hope.

There really isn’t any other news, though. I wish there was more, as long as it was good news. My friend won’t be gone forever… that would never happen. Day wouldn’t abandon me.

Talking to this journal is pretty therapeutic, though. I almost feel like I’ve got somepony to talk to who won’t judge what I’m saying. Even though I know by leaving it in it’s kinda like writing a letter to Day, so it’s not just going to stay secret.

Maybe I’ll write one to Joseph!

Dear Mystic Rune,

I’m just writing to tell you I think you’re really great. I like how your mane looks, even when you don’t do anything with it and you smell like stallion. I like watching you do magic and feeling the glow on my skin. I like listening to your accent when you talk to me. I like being near you and I wish I could do it more often.

Big boss Lonely Day says we’re going to have to make lots and lots of foals if we want to survive, so we should probably start soon. I think you should really take me on a date, somewhere nice. I can drive us.

Love,

Cloudy Skies

Perfect. I’ll just not print this now and never show him ever. >.> Those things are way harder to make with this recorder.

That’s where I told them to meet us. I hate that stadium… so I couldn’t possibly feel worse about it! Buck you dad!

Hurry that stupid blue ass, Day. I need your help.