Actually, I'm Dead

by Magenta Cat


Chapter 6 (part two): Live Fast, Die Young

It was past lunchtime when Twilight and Trixie finally made their way back into town. They were both in a very down mood, making talk all but nonexistent between them. Although both ponies had their eyes focused on the road they were traveling, in their minds they were looking back on two promises made. Two promises that were now close to being broken.

Twilight had promised to help Trixie to have her life back, but how? As Trixie herself pointed out, even if Celestia were to find a way to separate Trixie from the Alicorn Amulet, it wouldn’t solve all Trixie’s problems. Twilight slightly shook her head when thinking back at Trixie’s story; ostracized, mocked and even bullied all around Equestria. Twilight could barely imagine how that would feel. All of that because an incident that was never Trixie’s direct fault. Twilight tried to avoid thinking how much worse it would get now that Trixie was actually responsible of what happened.

If only she knew how similar her thoughts were to the those of her co-traveler.

Trixie had promised to not fall down into the abyss of depression, but it seemed that when the abyss looked back, it was the stare of a hunter. No matter which way she looked, Trixie could only see two things; the past mistakes that destroyed her entire life, culminating in being stripped of her magic and becoming a grotesque mockery of the living; and the grim future of such a miserable existence with no visible escape from it. All her life, Trixie lived without boundaries and was only accountable to herself. Now, she was trapped in the darkness, knowing that the only two ponies that had showed her any form of real kindness were doing it out of guilt.

“Incoming!” A loud and technicolor blur interrupted the grim thoughts of the two ponies.

Through experience, Twilight was quick enough to duck and cover. The same couldn’t be said about Trixie, who had been so mired in introspection that she remained oblivious to the warning until the last possible instance, resulting in her being knocked off her hooves. Trixie landed some meters away, mentally thanking the heavens that, this time, her cloak actually covered her.

“Oh, sorry there, didn’t see you!” Dash looked down at the mess of black cloth covering a equine figure. “Hey, are you a zebra by any chance?” she asked while offering her hoof.

‘Why does everypony keep saying that?’ Trixie pondered if it had anything to do with the cloak.

“No, Trixie is not a zebra.” She leaned up, careful to stay hidden under the cloth. “But apology accepted, I suppose” Trixie was about to take Rainbow’s hoof, but it was withdrawn before she could reach it.

“Hold on!” Rainbow took a second glance. “You!” She pointed a hoof at Trixie. “I’ve been looking for a chance to talk to you!”

Twilight was quick enough to see this coming, too, and tried to stop what she knew was going to happen. “Rainbow, wait--”

“Not now Twi,” Rainbow stopped Twilight, looking her right at her eyes. “I have an issue with this mare!”

“Please,” said Trixie, rolling her eyes as she got to her hooves herself. “You have more issues than Equestrian Geographic.”

Twilight’s ears twitched back. “Oh no…”

“Oh yeah?!” Rainbow turned her neck so quick that Trixie was surprised it didn’t snap. But she wasn't impressed either. Not by this point.

“Actually, yes, but go ahead; tell Trixie how much she’s a screw up and how nopony likes her too,” Trixie’s voice was once again expressionless, as if it was a machine and not a pony talking. “You can mock me being homeless, or left completely powerless. Of course, there’s always the fact that I’m literally a rotting corpse, that’s always a fun one. There’s a lot of buttons you can push.” Trixie sat down on her haunches and crossed her forelegs over her barrel. Her head was bowed, the hood hiding her eyes. “Come on, take your best shot. Trixie has heard it all by this point and couldn’t care less.”

“Oh yeah, well hear this then.” Rainbow walked closer to Trixie, extending her wings like a predator would. “I don’t care about you -- heck, I could live a very nice life if I pretended you don’t even exist.” She spat that ‘you’ with all the anger possible.

“Then do it,” Trixie answered, her monotone slightly softer. “And leave Trixie alone to rest in peace.” With each word, Trixie’s tone became more inaudible.

“I can’t do that.“ The expression on Rainbow’s face was like a stone. “I can’t do that because, for some reason, the Princess and Twilight feel enough pity for you to try to help, and I’m too loyal to them to ignore that.” She took a moment to inhale. “But I warn you, do anything to any of my friends, or to anypony for what matter -- heck, just look at them in the wrong way -- and I promise, you won’t be between dead or alive anymore.” And with that said, Rainbow retreated from Trixie’s personal space, letting her ponder what was said to her.

“Heh,” Trixie muttered. "As though you could do anything worse to Trixie than she's already done to herself." She smiled, even if her eyes betrayed the despair she was feeling.

Uncharacteristically calm, Rainbow simply added. “If it's about my Friends I would never give up.” It wasn’t an idle threat. By Rainbow Dash’s tone and stance, Trixie understood that it was a fact.

“Well, aren’t they just lucky to have you,” Trixie muttered. “Trixie supposes that she deserves that too.” She chuckled while lowering her hooves. “Do not worry, by this point, Trixie is so much of a mess than a mere fly would be more worthy of anypony’s attention.”

“Trixie, don’t say that!” Twilight reached towards Trixie to comfort her once more, fearing she would try to escape again. “Rainbow, how could you?” she said, hugging Trixie protectively.

“How couldn’t I?” Rainbow threw her hooves in exasperation. “Every single time she comes around here, something bad happens and you have to pull her flank out of the fire.” She started to walk closer to the unicorns. “Come on, Twi, think about it. Last time you saved her life and she wanted revenge on you.” She took Twilight’s shoulders, forcing her to look straight. “Now you saved her life again and even offered her a room. If I were you, I wouldn’t turn my back to her, you know how are gypsies with knives.”

“Gypsy?!” Trixie asked, her head still lowered, but her eyes had shot wide open.

“Yeah, you’re a homeless traveler who tries to scam others for a living,” Rainbow said matter-of-factically. “A thief, really. It’s all pretty obvious.”

“Thief?! The only thing Trixie ever stole around here was your spotlight!” Trixie loudly retorted her head snapping up and glaring at the pegasus.

Dash’s wings flared out as she stepped forward. “What did you just say to me, narwal?”

“Just that like all other pegasi, your precious ego is more important to you than anything else,” Trixie snarled in return, shrugging off Twilight and stepping up to meet the other mare. “Trixie wasn’t even in town an hour before you and your friends came sniffing around her show. You couldn’t take the threat to your territory, couldn’t admit that another pony actually could be better than the Great Rainbow Dash!

“I am the fastest pony in Equestria! Best Young Flyer! Only pony to ever perform a Sonic Rainboom!” Rainbow started to hover over the ground. “One day I’ll be a Wonderbolt, and you’ll still be a nothing street magician.”

“Now who's the pompous braggart? You would float there and accuse Trixie of flaunting her skills, you hypocrite," Trixie hissed in Dash’s face. “Admit it, you were there only to reassure yourself in front of others by beating up Trixie. You came not to watch that day, but to try and upstage Trixie at her own show, heckling and even openly insulting me in front of others.”

“Hey! That’s not how it was, I was--”

“You were in the front row! If it wasn’t to appreciate the show, it was to make sure Trixie heard your insults. If Trixie’s mere presence is enough for you to react that way, then she looks forward to the day you encounter your own first hecklers, because you’ll leave rainbow colored skid marks out the front door when the Wonderbolts throw you out afterwards!”

“Oh yeah? At least I can live up to what I say,” Rainbow and Trixie’s faces got even closer. “You’re all bark but no bite.”

“Trixie answered every challenge thrown at her, by earth pony, unicorn, and pegasi alike. The only one she couldn’t that day was the Ursa, and that was because it was a fiction ludicrous enough she didn’t expect any pony in their right mind would try and get her to prove it.”

“Don’t let your muzzle make boasts your magic can’t back up.”

“And you’ve never failed to live up to your boasts, right? Or just the ones you didn’t make against Trixie?” Trixie snorted and backed up. “You know what, Trixie’s sick to death of ponies like you passing judgement on her! Treating her as something inferior!” Trixie pressed an emaciated hoof against Rainbow’s chest. “You think because I am roani I deserve to be judged lesser than everypony else?! Well guess what, Trixie is as good as you, and Trixie refuses to be treated as your inferior!” There was fire in Trixie’s eyes.

“Hey... hey, mare-- Calm down and--” Rainbow Dash retreated a little, raising her hooves defensively.

“Trixie will not calm down! And you! You come here, so full of yourself being the ‘good one’ who has to take a shot on the ‘vile and villainous’ Trixie. Sure, because being homeless, starving, ostracized, and pretty much hated by everypony else was not enough for you.”

Dash tried to open her mouth again only to be cut off.

“Trixie would stay and see, only out of morbid curiosity, what kind of excuses do you have to cover your flank, but I have better things to do with my time, which I plan to do as far as possible from you. Farewell, and may the gods have mercy on you.”

With a final snort and flurry of her cape across the face of Rainbow Dash, Trixie turned and departed, leaving a stunned unicorn and still seething pegasus in her wake. Although Trixie was still hiding herself under the cloak, she walked tall and proud.

Dash snorted and shook out her mane. “Took her long enough.”

Twilight, still not believing what she had just seen, turned and gaped at her friend. “What are you even talking about, and since when are you like…” Twilight waved her hooves at Dash. “Like a bully! You acted like Gilda, that’s what you did!” She shook her head in denial. “Why?!”

“You think I overdid it?” Rainbow smiled at Twilight while cocking an eyebrow.


“I don’t even know what you did!” Twilight threw up her hooves in exasperation. “What the hay did you just do, Rainbow Dash!”

“Okay Twi, calm down. I’ll explain.”


Rainbow is waiting outside Ponyville’s Hospital, like a primal bird of prey, waiting for her target to show up. She’s been there for a hour, and she would wait another hour and another one and as many as necessary until she found her target. There is a threat to her friends on the loose, and she is not going to wait till it made its move, not under her watch. Rainbow Dash will stop this threat before it has any chance of hurting anypony else.

The hospital’s main door opens, and Rainbow’s target walks through it, wearing a classical villain’s black cape and walking dangerously close to one of Rainbow’s closest friends. The rainbow speedster takes position on her cloud, ready to assault the evil pony and--

Wait a moment. Is that the villain? The one hiding herself inside a cloak, as if she was afraid of even being seen?

Rainbow Dash is expecting to see evil incarnate, like the day before; a pony mad for power, menacing everypony around her and craving everypony’s fear.

What she sees instead is none of that. From her hiding spot, Rainbow sees a pony that has her head lowered, shuffling along at an unsure pace. A mare that seems so afraid of other ponies’ contact, she is doing everything she can to avoid any pony getting close to her. Rainbow Dash can’t bring herself to confront that; there is nothing left to confront. She decides to let the poor thing be, since it’s clear it isn’t a menace to anypony.

Rainbow Dash spends the rest of the morning thinking about it. What really unsettles her is how familiar Trixie’s attitude is. She has seen that before, during the Best Flyers Competition, right after looking into a mirror. And then, just after acknowledging that, Rainbow realizes a very strange truth about the azure illusionist; they’re not so different from each other after all.

Rainbow thinks back on her first encounter with Trixie. Sure, magic tricks weren’t the same as airborne stunts, but there was a lot of similarities between how they were presented. Both were all about the performer, and them doing their best to impress the audience. But there was a difference, and Dash had it at the forefront of her mind; she would never make a point of being the best one by embarrassing other ponies, unless…

“Unless they started it,” she says out loud.

Rainbow remembers again, trying harder to determine the exact point when the similarities stop and the differences begin. There must be something, anything that proves she’s not like Trixie. Dash’s mind goes back to the first moment when Trixie stopped her act to confront her and her friends... Which happened right after Rainbow herself started to heckle Trixie’s show.

“Aw, pony feathers…”


“You weren't entirely wrong about Gilda, you know,” Rainbow said, her muzzle quirked. “Growing up, she used to talk a lot of smack about ponies compared to griffons. I used to think it was just your usual locker-room trash talk and use it as such, psyching myself up so I could beat her, so I could do better and then she couldn't say that stuff.” Dash sighed, her wings wilting. “I didn't realize until she came back here that it wasn't just trash talk, that she really does believe it. Still, I figured that maybe I could use it to get to Trixie.”

"So why you'd go after her heritage?" Twilight cocked her head to a side.

“I needed a button to press.” Dash shrugged her wings. “I’d encountered some roani pegasi a couple years ago, back in Cloudsdale. They still live like the nomadic pegasi of old, drifting across Equestria on the wind currents in their cloud houses. When me and G tried to prank them, I learned that they could take a joke alright, but don't ever,” Rainbow gestured with her hooves for emphasis, “ever insult their culture. No matter what else, they're very proud ponies about that. I figured if there was any pride left in Trixie, that’s where it’d be. I needed her to find it and remember that.”

Twilight couldn't help rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief. “That was a very risky move, Rainbow! What if it didn’t work?”

“Ah, but it did work, that’s the important part.” She took off again, hovering in the air. “Besides, you don’t get to be as awesome as me without taking a few risks.”

“I just think there had to have been a better way of getting Trixie to remember that pride without, well, insulting her,” Twilight huffed.

“Hey, I’m a pony that’s all about results. And what I saw, was that at the end Trixie walked away with her head held high, not with her hooves dragging along the ground.”

That’s when Twilight realized it and began to frantically look around. “Oh no! Where did Trixie go to now?!” She raced off, following the same path that Trixie had.

“Hmm, maybe I should tell her the truth at Pinkie’s party,” Rainbow chuckled to herself as she went off her own way. With Trixie taken care of, it was nap time anyway.