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// Tywin's Recruits 
// Story: Tywin Lannister goes to Equestria! 
// by theanonymousbrony 
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After getting his little punishment over with, he and Spike had made their way straight to the spa.  The second they entered, they were both greeted by pony twins.  (One was blue with pink hair, and the other was pink with blue hair.)  The blue pony was the first to greet them, "Hello, welcome to the spa.  How may we assist you?"

"I wish to speak with one of your workers." Tywin requested.

"Anypony in mind?"

"Bulk Biceps."

The pink one then said, "Oh, well he should be ready in a few seconds."

As soon as she said that, there came a loud, crashing noise that came from behind.  They turned around and saw a very muscular, white pegasus with short, spiked-up blonde hair shouting, "Yeah, quiting time!"

Standing next to him was this blue minotaur who was cracking the bones in his body as he said achingly, "Iron Will's gonna feel that in the morning."

After laying eyes upon the six-foot cow, Tywin whispered to Spike, "Who's that?"

"Oh, that's just Iron Will; he used to have this big business that involved making anypony more assertive, and it hasn't been doing so well since Fluttershy wasn't satisfied."

Someone who's desperate for money should be easy to buy over.  Knowing that both of them could prove useful, Tywin walked up to them and said, "Greetings gentlemen, I was wondering if I may have a word with you two?"

"And just who might you be?" Iron Will asked.

"I'm Tywin Lannister; I'm the Hand of Princess Twilight Sparkle, and I have a business proposition for you two."

"Well Iron Will does love to talk about business."

"So I take it that you two are interested?"

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps shouted.

"Good, now if you two may follow me back to the castle, the sooner we can get things done."


As soon as they got back, they were all in Tywin's chambers as he was going over the details with Bulk Biceps and Iron Will.  "So here's the long and short of it:  I need a set of strong arms to bleed for me and vanquish my enemies.  You two seem to be the stronger ones in this village, which makes you more than perfect for my personal guard."

"And what exactly will Iron Will will get in return for these services?"

"Yeah, how much are we talking?!"

Tywin then signalled for Spike to open the bag of bits.  As soon as he did that, all the bits were flowing across the floor like before.  Seeing that he now has both of their attentions, Tywin said, "Serve me and you two shall have enough gold to buy Canterlot itself.  Do we have a deal?"

After thinking this over, Iron Will gave him a firm handshake as he told him, "Well Iron Will is running behind on his rent."

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps then gave Tywin a handshake that would've crushed any man's hand into dust.  (But since he's already dead, he won't be able to suffer the pain.)  As soon as the both of them had left, Spike asked Tywin, "So what now?"

"Now that I've assembled a personal guard, all that I need now is a Master of Whisperers."

"And what's that?"

"It's like an informer of sorts; someone who can get information over my enemies without anyone noticing.  But who around here can be able to give me details of my enemies strengths and weaknesses?"

"Well it can't be me; all Twilight will have to do is make Pinkie interrogate me and then we'll both end up being much worse than we're already are now."

"True, Twilight definitely might suspect you--especially seeing as how you're plotting with me.  It's going to have to be somebody who can never be caught even if he were in the same room with Twilight."

"You could try Discord."

"And who pray tell is that?"

"He's this sort of mischievous demon who used to spread chaos but has been reformed eversince.  I don't exactly trust him myself, but he's very sneaky and just enjoys making somepony miserable."

"And just where may one find this 'Discord'?"

"Well you can't exactly get to where he actually lives, unless you want to find yourself lost in some void, but he should be over at Fluttershy's cottage tomorrow."

"Fluttershy?  Fluttershy...she's the yellow one with the pink hair, am I correct?"

"Yep, that's her."

After a brief contemplation, Tywn rose from his chair and made his decision.  "Very well Spike, you and I best get a goodnights sleep.  For in the morning we shall pay this Discord a visit."


...


Following the next morning, Apple Bloom was hiding behind a bush with her two friends (the orange pegasus and the white unicorn).  Next to them was a tall tree, and upon a long branch stood an anvil that was being held by a single thread of rope.  While Apple Bloom was tying the other end, the white unicorn said, "So you really think that old guy can never be killed?"

"Of course not," exclaimed Apple Bloom, "All that stuff Spike said has got ta be made-up; which is why we're gonna prove it."

"And how's an anvil suppose to prove anything?" asked the unicorn.

"Because Sweetie, when it falls on his head, he won't get back up after that."

"I don't think that I want a Cutie Mark that involves murder."

"It ain't murder, it's mythbustin'."

While they were having this conversation, the orange pegasus was looking through a pair of binoculars when she suddenly shouted, "Hey girls, he's coming!"

Far into the distance, Tywin was heading towards Fluttershy's cottage with Spike by his side, and Iron Will and Bulk Biceps walking behind them--wearing gold plated chest armor.  As they were walking, Iron Will decided to start a conversation.  "Uh, my lord, is there a reason why Iron Will and Biceps need to wear this armor?"

"So that way people can tell that you're guards," Tywin explained, "Wouldn't want everyone to be confused, would we?"

Spike decided to respond with another question, "OK, I can understand why they need armor, but how come you didn't give them weapons?"

"Because we haven't yet reached a situation that'll require swords." as soon as he said that, his whole face was suddenly pummeled by an immense weight of metal!

Upon seeing this, Iron Will and Bulk Biceps were screaming their heads off while Spike just remained calm--what with him knowing that nothing can ever kill Tywin.  "Aren't you two going to lift this off him?"

They were both confused after hearing that request.  "I'm sorry to say this little dragon, but Iron Will doesn't think that taking that anvil off is going to change much."

"Yeah!  And also, I'm a little scared of blood!"

Sweet Celestia, first he's scared of butterflies and now this?  None of what they told him could change Spike's mind.  "Just take the bucking anvil off of him already."

As surprised as they were to hear such language coming from some kid, they weren't even prepared for what they're about to witness.  The second the both of them had lifted the anvil, they were shocked to see that there were no traces of blood on the ground--or anywhere.  But they practically shit themselves when they watched Tywin's crushed face just physically reconstruct itself!

After his face was completely healed, they each heard a voice crying, "Holy Celestia, did you see that?!" and all it took was for Tywin to send his two guards behind the bush and soon enough the three fillies who were behind this were apprehended.

"And just who might you three be?!" Tywin demanded.

The white unicorn was the one who responded, "It's us:  Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom.  You were at our school yesterday, remember?"

"Ah yes, I remember; not your names, but the fact that I had to waste most of my time looking after all of you."

The pegasus known as Scootaloo then said, "Say Mister..."

"My lord."

"Uh...my lord, you're not gonna tell this to Ms. Cheerilee, are ya?"

"Of course not; I don't serve her and thus have no reason to inform her of this." right when the three of them were confident that Tywin was going easy on them, he then added, "However, I do serve Princess Twilight.  And any attempts over the life on one of her servants is just as serious as an attempt over the Princess as well.  So until I can discuss the form of punishment for your crime with her, you three shall be held in the dungeon until then."

Before he could even give his guards the order, Spike had quickly attempted to change his mind.  "Wait Tywin, don't do it!  I understand that you're angry at them, but please don't do this to them!"

"And why shouldn't I?  These three were clearly trying to kill me, so it's obvious that they might try it again the first chance they get."

"They weren't trying to kill you on purpose; they just wanted to see if you really couldn't die or not."

"And what might I ask motivated them to do this in the first place?"

Spike knew that Tywin might show absolutely no mercy towards him for this, but he just couldn't bear the thought of these three fillies being locked-up in a cell.  So with the little bit of courage that he had, Spike told Tywin the truth.  "When you and I had went to Sweet Apple Acres, I might've mentioned to Apple Bloom that you couldn't be killed.  She didn't believe me, and I guess that she, Sweetie, and Scootaloo were just trying to prove me wrong."  Tywin's death stare was slowly starting to build up.  "Now look, I know that normally you wouldn't want to show any mercy to anyone who tries to hurt you, but could you just spare them this once?  They've learned their lesson; they understand now that you're not to be messed with.  I mean come on Tywin, they're just kids after all."

If something like this was happening over at Westeros, Tywin would've had a person executed even if he were offered all the gold that the Iron Bank could give him.  But seeing as how his old life is now gone, and the fact that he's slowly starting to develop abit of a soft spot for Spike, he was able to find it in himself to spare the three fillies.  But that however didn't stop him from having a stern talk with Spike.

"Don't you ever expose any information about me to anyone ever again; even if it's with someone your own age!"

"Well technically I'm two years older than them," Spike clarified, "So in a way, that makes me more mature than them." not wanting to waste anymore time, Tywin decided to put this conversation on hold and continue onward to Fluttershy's cottage.


When they finally arrived to the cottage, Tywin had knocked upon the door and was soon greeted by a rabbit.  He was about to question this until Spike told him, "Don't try to make sense of this, just go in." so putting the matter aside, Tywin had went inside to find himself being surrounded by a whole army of animals!  Amongst these creatures, he was able to see Fluttershy having tea with what looked like some sort of deformed dragon.

"Oh, hello Tywin," Fluttershy greeted him, "I wasn't expecting you to come over."

"So this is the famous Lord Tywin Lannister that you were telling me about?" the deformed dragon asked Fluttershy.

"That I am," said Tywin, "And I assume that you're Discord?"

"Huh, how did you guess?!" Discord asked in a playful manner.  "Are you psychic?!"

"No, Spike had simply told me alot about you.  Now if you're not too busy at the moment, I'd like to discuss a business proposition with you back at the castle."

Discord suddenly transformed himself into what looks like an old crime boss and said, "Ah, you wish to make me an offer that I can't refuse?" he was hoping for Tywin to smile at this antic, but if he knew anything about him, he would've known that Tywin has little to no sense of humor what so ever.  Discord then turned into a psychotic clown and said, "Come on, why so serious?  Let's put a smile on that face." with both his fingers, he tried to position Tywin's lips in a way that makes it look like he's smiling.  But his lips had went back to a frown in less than a second.

"Are you interested, or not?" Tywin asked in a tone that showed that he was getting annoyed by his antics.

Seeing as how he's dealing with a sourpuss, Discord let out a sigh as he said, "Fine.  I'd hate to leave on such sort notice Fluttershy, but it seems that I must discuss business with Mr. Happy over there."

But before any of them had even so much as walked out of the door, Fluttershy said to Tywin, "Wait, there's something I want to give you first." she went into one room and then came back and handed Tywin a lion cub with a red ribbon around its neck.  "Do you like it?  I heard that you like lions, so I thought I'd give you one as a pet."

As the cub was playfully gnawing on Tywin's suit, he told Fluttershy, "It might be abit of a nuisance, but I suppose I might have some use of it." and without saying anything else, he and the others decided to head on back to the castle.


...


Hours had past eversince Tywin started going over his proposition with Discord.  It was starting to get close to night time as Iron Will and Bulk Biceps were standing outside of the chamber--trying their best not to fall asleep.  Meanwhile, Spike was just playing with the lion cub while Tywin and Discord were sitting down and discussing his plans.

"So let me get this straight," Discord said to Tywin, "You plan on overthrowing the Mayor, and Twilight Sparkle, and you need my help to accomplish that?"

"Exactly.  I need to have information on what they're both up to if I ever plan on being one step ahead of them; and it's come to my attention that you can be able to gather any secrets without being caught."

"Well, not that I like to brag or anything, but I really do have that reputation.  But why should I bother helping you?"

"If it's gold that you want, then I shall be more than generous to let you have as much as you like."

"Now Tywin, do I look like the kind of person who'll want to do this for the sake of money?  No, I just do it for the fun of it!" he then transformed into a black duck and was shouting "Woohoo!" as he was bouncing all over the place.  After that, he looked at Tywin's blank expression and thought to himself, gee, doesn't this guy ever smile?  He soon turned back to himself and asked Tywin, "Anyway, what I want to know is what kind of fun could I possibly gain out of spying on a political figure and a princess?"

Tywin gave him his reason.  "If you help me, you'd be having a hand in getting rid of a pretender, and having a powerful princess lose almost all of her authority.  And if everything goes according to plan, I'll be able to move up to a more powerful position and be able to get you whatever you desire.  What is it that you want most?"

"Well...I'm not really in the mood for anything at the moment.  But if I do assist you, then you in turn must do me a small favor; think of it as a personal debt."

"As long as Twilight and that Mayor no longer have any power when this is over, you can feel free to ask me to perform as many favors as you want.  Do we have a deal?"

When Discord shook Tywin's hand, he felt a shocking sensation going all over his body.  When he released his grip, Discord started to laugh as he said, "Oh, that gag never gets old!  Well see ya later Tywin; I got me some ponies to spy on." he then turned into what look like an alien hunter and pressed some buttons that made him invisible.

While Tywin was sitting there with a look that you'd have if you saw a person that just came out from a lunatic asylum, Spike said, "So what'll we do now?"

Tywin was able to break out of that state and said, "Our pieces are now in place, Spike, and now we wait until the right moment to make our move."

As the lion cub was rubbing against Spike, he decided to ask another question, "Say Tywin, what're you gonna name your new pet?"

He thought for awhile until he came up with a fitting name.  "Tytan; his name shall be Tytan.  And that reminds me, there's still the matter of your punishment that we must discuss."

"Punishment, for what?!"

"For exposing my secret to somebody!  I might've promised to let those three fillies go, but that didn't mean you'd go away unpunished as well.  So as punishment, you'll be the one to feed Tytan, give him his bath,  clean up after him, and train him into a killer.  I might've promised to help you to become more than what you are now, but until then you're still my servant.  Now get to it."

While Spike just grudingly took Tytan with him for a bubble bath, Tywin went straight to bed as he patiently waited for his opportunity.