//------------------------------// // Yer a Pokemon, Celly // Story: Celestia's Rocket Adventures // by Snake Staff //------------------------------// “Uuuugggghhhhh…” Celestia groaned, very slowly, when next she regained consciousness. She almost immediately wished that she had not. Absolutely everything hurt: her head, her chest, her legs, her gut, but more than anything, her chin. The princess found her body to be quite befit of energy, even more so than before. She tried to raise her head, but almost instantly her neck muscles quivered and gave out. The most the bringer of the sun could do with all the power she could muster was force a single one of her eyes open. High above Celestia was a clear blue sky with only the slightest traces of white clouds. The warm yellow sun shone down upon her from a position suggesting midday, or early afternoon at the latest. Its rays were comfortable on her fur, perhaps the only thing about the present situation that. “Well well,” said a high, accented voice. “Look who’s finally decided ta come back ta the land of the livin’!” Celestia’s eye rotated in place until it found the source: the bipedal white cat from earlier. “Yeah, it’s me,” it put its hands on its hips. “Rise and shine, Sleepin’ Beauty! You’ve been out all yesterday, all night, and half’a today too!” “Meowth!” came a second voice, sounding scolding. “Don’t be so insensitive! Can’t you see the poor thing is in pain?!” Meowth put its hands behind its head. “Yeah, whatever you say, Nurse Joy. Hmph!” It walked out of Celestia’s sight. A second figure strode into Celestia’s field view. She immediately recognized him for her abductor and tensed up. Or, at least, she would have if she had been capable of doing such a thing. As it was, she just watched helplessly as the man knelt down beside her. “Now that you’re awake we can do this properly,” he said, holding an orange and red spray bottle in one hand. “This super potion can heal a lot of damage and make you feel much better, but…” he winced. “I warn you, it will sting a little. Are you up for it?” Celestia was the last soul in the world to back down from a little pain for the sake of something greater. With a great deal of effort she forced her lips to move. “Yyyeeesss…” she faintly hissed out. The man blinked. “Uh, Meowth, care to translate?” “It says go ahead, genius.” “Right!” he turned back to her and raised the bottle. “Now hold still for just a moment.” Celestia heard a hiss, and then felt liquid touch her fur and skin. Instantly the affected areas began to sting in the manner of alcoholic antiseptic. The princess shut her one eye against the pain as her abductor sprayed her down very thoroughly, paying careful attention to her face, legs, and chest. The potion continued to sting for some seconds even after he was finished, and Celestia gritted her teeth. But not long afterwards the stinging began to fade away into a cool, soothing sensation that swiftly began to permeate her body. First her skin, and then her insides felt cool, relaxed, and far more functional. Far more swiftly than she would have believed possible, the princess felt her energy returning, her muscles flexing in readiness. Less than two minutes after feeling the first of the potion’s stinging touch, Celestia managed to push herself up onto her knees and look around. She was in a grassy plain, not far removed from any of hundreds back home. The weather was warm and calm, with a gentle breeze only just moving her fur. In the distance there were hills rising, with the faint shadows of mountains further away. Closer to home was what appeared to be a deflated hot air balloon in the shape of the cat’s head. Around her were six other beings: the one called Meowth, her abductor, the magenta-haired woman, a blue blob looking curiously like a punching bag, something resembling a floating pumpkin, and a hovering cephalopod. The latter two were wearing almost comically outsized bandages on several locations. Checking herself over, Celestia discovered that she too had been bandaged. “Hello there,” came the sound of her abductor’s voice. “I’m sorry that we haven’t been properly introduced yet. My name is James.” “I don’t care what your name is, you are a criminal guilty of kidnapping under Equestrian l- aaaaaaawwww…” Mid-sentence, James had sat down and reached behind her ears. Celestia didn’t know what witchery it was, but the moment his fingers started scratching she just wanted to melt on the spot. The sensation was so relaxing that she found it all but impossible to remain tensed up, almost in spite of herself. “You are hereby – a little to the left – charged with assault and kid – oh yeah, that’s the spot – apping of royalty and placed – oooooohhhhh,” Celestia cooed involuntarily. James scratched behind her ears for several minutes, with the princess deciding to permit him to do so on the grounds that it felt really good. When she returned home, she resolved to hire a minotaur or some other creature with hands to perform this service for her. Why had she never done that before? “So,” James said after some time, continuing to scratch. “Tell me about yourself, my new Pokemon friend. You’re a Celestia, right?” “I am the Celestia,” she corrected. “And how did you know my name?” "’Cause he can hear ya, can’t he?” Celestia spotted Meowth strolling back towards them, hands behind its head and an expression of calm contentment on its face. She cocked her head at the cat. “What do you mean, because he can hear me?” “Geez, an’ I thought I’d seen some sheltered Pokemon before,” Meowth wagged one finger on its right hand in a patronizing manner. “When Pokemon talk ta humans, all dey can hear is ya sayin’ your name over and over again,” it pointed a thumb at itself. “’Cept me, ‘cause I’m special.” “What’s it saying, Meowth?” James asked. “Get dis: this Pokemon don’t even know dat humans can’t understand it,” Meowth chuckled. “I thought everyone knew dat.” “I’m not an “it”!” Celestia huffed indignantly. “Nor am I a Pokemon of any kind! My name is Princess Celestia of Equestria! And you have abducted and unlawfully imprisoned me! I demand to be released at once on pain of imprisonment for you and all your accomplices!” “Pffft…” Meowth put a hand over its mouth. “Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” It put both hands over its chest and laughed uproariously. “Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” “What exactly do you find so funny?” Celestia demanded. “I have been involuntarily ejected from my own world into this one, only to find myself abducted for no discernible reason by strangers in whose kindness I trusted! And then I was summoned and attacked by creatures I don't even know!” “Pikachu musta hit dis broad over da head harder than I thought.” James looked curious. “What do mean?” “She’s sayin’ dat she’s not a Pokemon, she’s a princess!” Meowth laughed. “From another world! Ha!” “You say you’re a princess? Really?” “I am,” Celestia nodded. “And despite all you have done I remain willing to pardon your crimes against me if you immediately release me and direct me-” “Glad we didn’t send ‘dis Pokemon ta the boss,” Meowth continued over her. “She’s nuttier dan a Christmas fruitcake!” “I am not insane!” Celestia snapped at it. “I am Princess Celestia, Diarch of Equestria, Sol Invictus, Bringer of the Day, and Mistress of the Sun! It is I that cause the sun to rise in the morn and set in the eve! I have born witness to eons of time, and I shall continue for eons more! I am of the sacred race of alicorns, not a Pokemon!” she paused. “Whatever that is.” “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Meowth laughed again. “Good one!” “You think that this is some kind of joke?!” “I tink that you’re outta your gourd, lady,” Meowth chuckled. “STILL THY MOCKING TONGUE, WHELP!” Celestia roared in her best Royal Canterlot Voice. James had to shield his ears, while the force of it was enough to knock Meowth over onto its backside. For just a moment, there was silence in the field as everyone stared at the slightly-panting alicorn princess. That had taken more effort than it usually did. Perhaps she was out of practice? “What is going on over here?!” the magenta-haired woman was walking over, hands over her ears. “James, can’t you control your own Pokemon?” Celestia got to her hooves, despite the continuing slight ache. “I am not his Pokemon!” “Jessie, be reasonable! She’s freshly caught, and I don’t think she’s even seen a human before.” Jessie jabbed a finger at James. “If you can’t keep this thing quiet, then you had better keep it inside its Poke Ball!” “I am not falling for your trick again! Even if I am weak and in a foreign world. I will not be held captive!” “You really don’t have a clue, do ya?” Meowth’s voice was quiet, almost strangely so. Celestia turned back to it, frowning. “Have I not made it clear that you are to cease your mockery?” “Listen, lady,” Meowth said with a gleam in his eye. “I was gonna break it to ya all gentle like, but dis Meowth don’t take well ta insults to his pride.” Claws slid out of one hand. Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Are you challenging me?” “No, I’m educatin’ ya.” Meowth held up a finger and wagged it. “You ain’t some pretty princess pony from another dimension. Yer a Pokemon wid’ a head injury.” “You little-” “Prove it,” Meowth challenged. “If yer all dat, what can ya do?” “I can perform feats of magic far beyond you, little cat. I can pull the sun into the sky! I can transform inanimate matter into living creatures! I can even conjure objects into being from nothing at all!” “Dat last one. Do dat. Right here, right now. Prove me wrong.” “Do what, Meowth?” James asked. “Dis crazy Pokemon is sayin’ she can do all kinds a magic hocus pocus. So I’m tellin’ her ta put up or shut up.” The corner of Celestia’s mouth twitched upwards slightly. “Easily done. I’ll even allow you to name the object to be created.” “Somethin’ simple, den. A picnic lunch. Think you can do dat?” “Not a problem at all. Watch and prepare to eat your eat your words, cat!” Celestia closed her eyes and opened her wings to their full, majestic length, more for dramatic effect than any practical purpose. Though she was still sore and weak, she could still feel the vast reserve of power inside herself. She called on that power, willing it to flow through her beautiful white horn. As it went, she wove mental enchantments that would cause the object of her desire to come forth, as she had countless times before. Seconds ticked by. Team Rocket stared. Nothing happened. Celestia cracked an eye open. “Wha- what?” Meowth sniggered. “Hold on, just one moment.” Celestia clamped her eyes shut and tried again, going through the spell with a textbook perfection even Starswirl would envy. Again, nothing happened. Celestia gaped. “How… How is this possible?” Her power was there, she could feel it. It wasn’t like when she had given it away to Twilight. But when she called on it to perform a spell, it wouldn’t respond. How could that be? It shouldn’t have been possible! Unless… Unless… Unless magic as she knew it didn’t exist in this world. Unless every one of her spells was useless. Hurriedly, Celestia cycled through several dozen of the tens of thousands of spells she knew. She tried conjuration, enchantment, summoning, transformation, abjuration, hexing, and even simple levitation. Absolutely nothing worked. “Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Meowth laughed at the alicorn’s stupefied incomprehension. “And dat’s lesson number one!” He put his arms around the back of his head and walked up to James. “Lesson number two,” he snatched another red and white orb from the human’s belt. “Hey!” James protested. “That’s mine!” “Hold yer horses, you’ll get it back in a minute,” Meowth turned back to Celestia. “Now where was I? Oh yeah: yer a Pokemon!” He pressed the button that enlarged the sphere, tossing it up and down in one hand. “See, dis here is called a Poke Ball. It’s meant for catchin’ Pokemon like you and me. And it only works on Pokemon. See?” Meowth whipped around and tossed the ball directly in James’ face as hard as he could. It smacked into the human’s forehead, bouncing off and knocking him over backwards. What it distinctly did not do was catch him. James sat up, rubbing his forehead. “What was that for?!” “Complainin’. Now shut your yap,” Meowth snatched another ball from James. “Now dis one is your Poke Ball. And it’ll only work if you’re a Pokemon,” he pointed the white button at her. “Return!” A thin red beam shot out of the Poke Ball’s button. The instant it made contact with Celestia, she felt a powerful tug against her. The very next moment her body dissolved into red energy and vanished into the tiny sphere. To the princess, it seemed as if it was but a second later that she exploded back onto the scene in a burst of white energy. “Ya see?” Meowth laughed triumphantly. “You’re a Pokemon, no more, no less. Now quit actin’ stupid and help the rest of us get dis here balloon back online!” “Alright, I’ve seen enough,” Jessie said. “James, get your crazy new Pokemon under control and get back to sewing. Inkay, Pumpkaboo, Wobbuffet, Meowth, with me,” she clapped her hands. “Chop chop, people! We’ve still got more than thirty holes to fix before we can get this sorry sack back in the air!” “Ma’am yes ma’am!” “Wobbuffet!” The remainder of Team Rocket began to walk back towards the downed balloon, leaving James alone with Celestia. “Don’t worry,” James said, rising to his feet and clenching a fist. “Even if you’re a little loopy on the inside, I still think you’re a great Pokemon! I promise I’ll take good care of you,” he scratched her behind the ears a little. “Now come on,” he gestured. “We have to go help out our teammates!” Celestia brushed him off. “I’m not a-” she started to deny, but then hesitated. Twilight Sparkle had reported from her own experience of going through Starswirl’s mirror that she had been transformed into one of the native species through its magic. The same fate had befallen the Sirens. Equestrian magic hadn’t worked in that dimension either, until the powers of Harmony had brought it there. Who was to say that it was impossible for a trip to this dimension to transform her as well? The facts seemed consistent enough with that interpretation of events. Princess Celestia sank to her knees, wide-eyed, as realization set in. She was a Pokemon.