//------------------------------// // Start of the Line (A Night to Remember, Part 4) // Story: Lonely // by JuliusPhillp //------------------------------// I must have entirely backed out after that flash of white light that came out of nowhere, again. Because now I am lying on the floor, dazed, as my vision was blurry and everything was ringing. Ow… my head hurts. But… that small filly. She… How does she even know my name? I have never told anypony, I mean anypony before. Ponies that do know my name knew it naturally (Ms. Leadbutter reading the tag on my basket, and the Princess… being the Princess, I guess), and yet… she knows my name. Something… feels wrong here. Like, she felt naturally nice to me. Like I didn’t need to be scared or feared around her… like we’ve known each other for a long, long time now. I’ve never met, or seen, this filly before. How does she know my name…? And why does she call this place home. Now that I get up and look around, she is nowhere to be seen. She isn’t even here, now. Was… she just a hallucination? No. She couldn’t be. I felt her, I felt her presence on my back. She is real. How can she not be? She was there! I… The words of the Princess. Believe in your heart. What does that mean? Actually, my heart hasn’t been raging one bit while I’ve been near that little girl… It’s been perfectly fine. Since… since ever. And she also stated that she would see me soon… Why would she say that? Are we… going to meet again? I don’t know… my head hurts now. I can’t think s-straight. I better get off the topic… ‘You will get your answers then’. I guess I will meet her soon… Only why is she so special right now? My thoughts were suddenly interrupted when another huge flash of light cane from the ancient ruins in the distance, and thankfully not in front of me. Also, what’s with the sudden white-outs that I’ve been having? I’m lucky I don’t go blind. The ruins of the ancient castle… this is the place those six mares were going on their quest. To… stop Nightmare Moon, I think. Should… should I help them. I want to. My heart wants me to. But… the fact that there is the two pegasi and the pink mare will also be there. I don’t ever want to see them again. But… I want to save the others from being harmed. Don’t worry, Thomas. Go save your friends… Why do you say that? They aren’t my friends… Ignore your mind for now. Listen to me. Listen to your heart. My heart. I should listen to my heart… Whether you believe it or not, your heart is special. Now go! Quickly! You don’t have much time left! I… my heart is special in some way? Well, if you’re going through all this effort to try and convey me… then there are somethings that I should believe in… I ran towards the sight of the ruins. My heart, tell me what to do. I kept seeing this continuous flashing and explosions coming from somewhere in the castle. They weren’t in the front room when I ran through the doors. Although, there was this strange platform-thing in front of me that looked like it used to hold six orbs… I don’t know what to think of that right now, as I’m in a hurry. I looked outside a cracked window to see the source of all the commotion, see an Alicorn shout something, while somepony else was staring at them that I couldn’t make out form here. They must be there! Where else could they be, really? In a dash, I took off down a corridor to chase after them. I’ve… never felt like this… to do something like this. To… help them. The need of helping another pony. Like I could stand up to one… Is my heart telling me this? “You think you can destroy The Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of The Elements of Harmony are right here.” I heard somepony yell faintly, as I was panting after running down several corridors that all look ruined and old, filled with cobwebs and the like. “What?” I heard the demand, I think, of Nightmare Moon’s voice, as I stop just before the corridor entrance to the room that they were in. I didn’t want to just charge in there. I’d be very crazy. Also… I don’t want anypony to spot me. Mainly the two pegasi mares… and Nightmare Moon. They would probably focus their attack onto me, though I wouldn’t be surprised. I took a peak from around the corner, noticing the six mares on one side with the larger Alicorn to my left, look astonished and surprised. The Elements of Harmony are actually real? Huh… The lavender unicorn then spoke out towards Nightmare Moon. “Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of... Honesty!" Apparently these crystals began to surround the country mare, and slowly began to surround the others as well as the lavender unicorn announced her. I saw her… the cyan pegasi. She looked determined over anything… like she felt pride in over something… probably pride. Until she locked eyes with me. Those magenta eyes, staring at me. Not with anger or fury, not glaring at me. Just… staring. She looked kind of shocked that I was even here. She didn’t even seem angry. She just stared. It looked like she mouthed ‘You’ at me, though I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t flinch and instantly hid behind the corner as I would have done… something about this, maybe her… made… me stare at her. "Fluttershy, who tamed the Manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of... Kindness!" Her? Kindness!? Are you kidding me!? She is far from kind. She is deceiving, mean, like any other bully. And… she, she is the kind pony!? I couldn’t help but stare at the yellow pegasi with a lot of shock. She couldn’t be the kind pony… The lavender unicorn must have gotten something wrong. The cyan mare must have looked at where my gaze was, and my expression, and… yeah. There’s the angry glare that… wasn’t present before. Why wasn’t she angry? I doubt she’d have a change of heart… Though really, I have no idea what’s going on. Only this is maybe something about the ‘Elements of Harmony’. But in my opinion, I highly doubt that the yellow pegasi is the kind one. Only when I gazed at her with disbelief was when the rainbow mare decided to, once again, hate me for it. They must be really close friends… Only… something about the yellow mare seemed… different. She didn’t seem angry or full of hatred like… our last encounter. She seemed… more shy than anything. Her mane was now over her eyes… in a shyness-like fashion. And what’s odd is… it doesn’t seem like an act. It seemed genuine… must be the ‘Element’ of hers… whatever that means. Maybe the shape of her cutie-mark… which was completely the opposite of her personality. I mean, it’s a bunch of butterflies. They have nothing in common with bullies. Not that I know of, at least… “Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirits of… Laughter!” Laughter? She’s more annoying than anything… The pink mare began hopping up and down cheerfully as crystals began to surround her, excitedly. I don’t know about that pony… “Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift represents the spirit of... Generosity!" Generosity? Well, I never personally met this mare… only that she helped pulled that crazy pegasi off of me. I… don’t see how that was generous. I notice that the… yellow pegasi also noticed my presence. She froze on locking my eyes with me. I refused to go cowardice and hid behind the corner. I looked at her as well, hesitantly, though confidently. She… looked scared. Fearful of me. She was shaking… that looked uncontrollable and sincere. This… didn’t look like acting to me. Was… she really afraid of me? She just stared at me with fear… and guilt. It was genuine guilt. I could kind of tell, because her eyes were starting to become teary. Apparently ponies are truly feel guilty when they cry… “And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire represents the spirit of… Loyalty!” Well she is loyal to her friend… backing her up when I didn’t even do anything. Twilight added, continuing to talk to Nightmare Moon. "The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us.” Challenges? What… challenges did they have to go through? I don’t know… Did… No. The thought would be crazy. As if… Though, why am I here? It doesn’t look like they need my help right now… "You still don't have the sixth Element!" Nightmare Moon brought up, sounding desperate, like she knew she was being defeated. Not looking hopeful about her… predicament I guess. She knows that she is losing or something? "The spark didn't work!" Although I’m at a loss of what everything’s happening, I can tell that something was wrong… All that is happening is yelling and crystals forming around the five mares over there. Two of which are looking back and forth between me and the large Alicorn at different times. One in anger (or revenge, I can’t exactly tell) and the other in… fear. It’s still hard to believe. I doubt that she really is… but something. Something in my heart… wants me to forgive these ponies… I don’t know why. But… something feels like she is nicer than first expected… How should I trust ponies who bullied me? How in the Tartarus can they be my friend? Well… Listen to your heart. I… I don’t… “But it did! A different kind of spark!” I heard the lavender unicorn yell out, while I was facing the ground over a serious choice. Why should I listen to my heart in this case? Because if you really trust me, then you’d listen to your heart. I… guess. If you have been correct this entire time… then my heart must have something inside of it. Most likely nothing special… By this time, the lavender unicorn had been facing her friends as I blanked out for a moment. “…to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me when I realized that you all... are my friends!" Well, she isn’t rubbing it in me directly. Though it did cause a pang that harmed me inside. It hurts… reminding me that I am lonely. Reminding me of all the pain that I had to endure during all those years… Reminding me that I don’t have any friends… At least her speech was sort of nice… as least she is happy. And I’m not… Suddenly, a flash appeared above her, with a sphere with some symbol on top of it. “You see, Nightmare Moon, when those Elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of... magic!" Magic… I wouldn’t have any clue. I noticed once she had done stating this, the sphere flashed brightly that blinded me for a moment. Once it dimmed a little, I was able to see these… new accessories. The five mares wore these golden necklaces while the lavender unicorn wore a crown instead. They had their cutie-marks on them as well… they looked like they were some great power. Guess the Elements of Harmony are actually real, which surprised me. Nightmare Moon began panicking slightly. I noticed that her colour seemed to grey a little… Wait, was she about to be defeated? They began levitating in the air, which kind of intimidated me… They did it without me… I was of no use… I didn’t help in anyway… What was the point of me even being here? I did nothing but watch as these six ponies have these golden accessories that were about to defeat this Alicorn with a plan which, in my opinion, wasn’t thought through. But considering the fact she had a lot of time to plan… she must have not seen this coming. Though how did she not? I thought she would have been smarter than that. Still… I was useless in this. I didn’t do anything. I just watched from the sidelines. At least I wasn’t being beaten into the ground. But… there was no point in me being here. I slowly turned around and began to walk away gloomily. I really am worthless... *THUD* What? I suddenly swerve around and see that the six mares had fallen harshly to the ground, the lights from their… Elements disappearing. Their power was gone and it look like the necklaces and crown were drained of colour. The mares were shocked and confused, which I was too… wait. No. “Huh!? No! It should have worked!” The lavender unicorn reacted to their sudden and much unexpected failure. Which means… Nightmare Moon wasn’t going to be defeated. No, this isn’t good… And she is laughing loudly and manically… Oh no… “How foolish you all really are that you think you can beat me! Nightmare Moon! The long-awaited Queen of Equestria! You think you have all the elements…” She started walking up to the mares who were sitting on the ground, attempting to back away in… fear. They were scared… The lavender unicorn looked towards the ground, trying to make sense of the situation. “No! We do! We did all of our research! We have all the elements we need! It said in the book…” She trailed off, with disbelief shown all over her face. She couldn’t believe that she had been beaten, by the looks of it… That book lied to her? I noticed that the cyan pegasi was now looking at me… again. I didn’t pay attention to her expression, one most likely filled with shock and directed anger at me… probably for my presence here. Nightmare Moon shook her head, smiling evilly knowing that she was now winning probably, and continued chuckling. "Do you know who writes your 'research'? Average little ponies! And average little ponies wouldn't know the one little element that you missing, and who bears it.” What does… that supposed to mean? “This element… has only been known by a couple of royal sisters…” A couple of royal sisters… The mares were attempting to get away, but then were frozen when an aura was created round them. “But it all won't matter! You've all failed! And wasted my time…” She muttered that last part under her breath, which I barely made out. “Your futile attempts won't stop this everlasting night!" Did I mention how badly thought-out that plan was? Because… how does it benefit her…? I then noticed that Nightmare Moon was the pony who was creating this aura. It… went around the mares’ necks… They were being lifted up into the air… by their necks. They’re going to be choked to death… They were beginning to struggle to free themselves… only they were failing. They can’t escape… “Now, I’m going to make sure that none of you ever intrude on my plans ever again!" My heart was racing now… was I hyperventilating? Maybe, I’m beginning to panic again. W-What do I do? I… want to save them from death… My body was frozen still. I can’t think straight. I can’t move at all… What do I do…? I feel guilty… I’m going to cause the death of six mares… The yellow and cyan pegasi… they look at me… with pleading eyes. They want my help. Mine. They need me right all. All six of them… They don’t deserve this for what they’ve done to me… if anything… I may not be thinking straight… Listen to your heart. What does my heart say? Save those ponies… And… and… forgive. Forgive them. Why should I forgive them? They… are bullies. Plain and complex. How… can I forgive them, heart? But… no. I don’t need to focus on this anymore… I knew what to do. Save them. …but how? I’m… I believe in you. Not a coward. I need to go help them… But how? I don’t know… I’m not anything special. I can’t believe… A seventh element… no. No. I can’t be the seventh element. Doesn’t matter whatever the Tartarus it is… I can’t think straight right now. With a deep breath, I slipped out from behind the corner from the corridor, and ran quickly in there. I ran straight at Nightmare Moon as she was too distracted to notice me. I think the other mares, side from the pegasi, didn’t notice me as they had their eyes closed, trying to free themselves. I pushed away the any distractions and fears, caring less about whether or not the mares would even care for me. That doesn’t matter. Without thinking things through, quite stupidly, I ran head-first into the side of the Alicorn, knocking her over several steps away from me, causing the spell to be interrupted. The mares then fell back to the floor again, maybe even knocked out. She made a small grunt before shaking her head, with a furious expression… “What is the meaning of this!?” She demanded, getting straight back up and shooting a death glare at me. I stood my ground and didn’t even flinch, though naturally I nearly did. And couldn’t return any words… I didn’t think this through, did I? “You!” She stated with venom, getting angrier by the second… “I thought I had disposed of you! You should be in an eternal slumber!” T-That was her plan? She seemed to shake her head and clamed herself down, looking more sinister than before. “No matter. You cannot defeat me, anyways. You even dared to challenge me?” She then questioned quite angrily, making me flinch slightly. I… didn’t know what to say to that. Well… I can’t find the right words. I looked away for a moment, to see… Rainbow Dash looking at me. Even she was in disbelief at the scene in front of her. She looked shocked and… relieved. The other mares were struggling to come to, only the cyan pegasi looked at me. Most likely me saving her. Me saving a bully. It doesn’t matter right now. I looked down at the ground for a moment… trying to muster strength to say… anything. “Speak runt! Or forever hold your peace…” She insulted. She didn’t act like this before. But I guess a… lot is on the line right now. I was bitting my bottom lip very tightly. I was… afraid to reveal my answer. The fears were rushing back in. The opinions of the other mares who were probably coming watching this now. What they were thinking… what they cared about… No. Push those thoughts away. They don’t mean… anything to me. They mean nothing. “Well!? Can you not speak!?” She then demanded, slowly moving closer towards me, as I… tried to come up with something… I… Listen to your heart. Do not worry, if you really trust me. Okay… Okay… “I’m here…” I took a small glance back at the cyan pegasi, looking at me with… a sorrowful expression. I looked at her, while trying to come up with something… “I’m here to save my friends…” I then answer, kind of quietly, to the surprise of the pegasi… and pretty much the rest of them. I even see Fluttershy’s jaw drop a little, along with… Pinkie’s jaw uncharacteristically. Applejack and Rarity blinked while… Twilight was analysing me? Nightmare Moon began chuckling as if it was nothing. “You? Hahaha! Surely you cannot bet the one who bears the pure heart.” W-what…? Pure heart…? The Tartarus does that mean… Wait. The words she spoke to me… “This is why I told you that you need to believe in yourself… Even if you think you may be alone in certain times, look back into your heart.” Did… she must have seen something special, even if I am that sceptical… I’m the… I can’t be. No, it can’t be me. How can it… Am I the Seventh Element? Nightmare Moon kept chuckling to herself. “Preposterous! As if anypony like you could be special. A pony like you can’t bear such power!” She claimed, looking… confident in her own words. Believe in yourself. She was always trying to make me believe that I am something special, that I should believe in my heart… It could be… Could it? Okay… Just believe in yourself… Jut believe in yourself… You can do this… You can help them. You can help them! “You’re wrong.” I return, looking back up at the Alicorn, who froze at my words. “I do hold it.” Even if I can’t believe it. “I can help them.” She blinked for a moment before shaking her head, becoming angry again. “Enough of you, runt! Stop wasting my time! Be gone with you!” She shouted before focusing her horn… at me. She was going to attack me. And I couldn’t move. Oh jeez. Oh no… She powered her horn, before shooting a charge at me. I think I heard a faint yell… as everything slowed down for a minute, as I looked away, bracing… …and nothing happened. I’m confused. I open my right eye, to catch a glimpse of Nightmare Moon looking at me with horror… afraid of me? The Tartarus? Am I immune to magic…? No, something must be wrong… Actually, she was staring at my chest. I looked down… to see that there was this glow… coming from my heart. W-What? My heart was racing again… The- What? “It’s you…” I swear I heard Twilight mutter. “You’re the seventh element!” I really am… I’m actually… an element? I couldn’t be… but I am. No wonder Princess Celestia believed in me… She thought I was special for a reason… I’m the… Pure-Hearted bearer… Okay. Why does my head hurt all of a sudden? “No! It can’t… This cannot be! My plans cannot fail now!” The Alicorn released fearfully again, backing off from me. W-What is happening right now!? "Quick! Everypony, get your elements together!" Twilight exclaimed as I looked back to see the other mares getting ready again. Rainbow Dash… looked at me with… I can’t tell really. Her eyes were slightly narrowed. She was most likely trying to figure why I helped her and Fluttershy after they had been so nasty towards me. I walked to the right of her for some reason, as she attached her necklace back on. I kind of froze when she got closer towards me. “You better explain yourself once this is over!” She demanded in a low, quiet voice so that nopony can hear her other than me… “But…” She then pause, making me look at her after looking at the ground. She then… embraced me? “Thank you…” She spoke softly…? She held me for a second before pulling back and joining the others… I can’t think about it right now, though I really should… I looked back to see the other girls begin levitating in the air, again. The glow in my chest grew brighter as I was slowly levitating alongside with them. I’m… special. Time froze for a moment when a my own colour shot about of my chest… forming a rainbow colour that shot out from all seven of us… where it went up into the air before shooting towards Nightmare Moon… “What!? No! NO! It wasn’t supposed to be like this! NO!” She shouted aloud, fearfully, refusing to accept her fate of being defeated as the elements’ colours surround her… She couldn’t do anything… Wait. Were we killing her!? “NOOoooo…!” Then, everything suddenly flashed white once more, knocking me out… ? “What!? No! He cannot be… Dammit!” I shouted in a fit of rage. Dammit! He can’t be the element… Tartarus, dammit! My plans… I have to wait longer… No matter. We can hold out. I can delay my plans further for a short amount of time. It could be much, much longer. Depending on the situations that he will be lead in, if any. I soon will lead. Only… a minor setback. It better be minor… Thomas I woke up from the bright light again, noticing that I was lying on the cold, hard ground. Nothing surprisingly hurt, and my heart wasn’t doing anything now. I couldn’t feel anything. Was it over? It must be. Everything feels… calm now. I couldn’t hear any murmuring… And I feel… comfortable. Like… somepony is lying… on top of me. Ugh. Must be nothing. I… don’t know what to think about the events of what just happened. I think I can make out a few. I think I forgave the pegasi mares that haven’t treated… me well. Now that I think about it, they actually were one of the better ones. They didn’t land any punches on me, but only really shoved me down to the ground, and yelled insults… I don’t know what I did to make them lead to that kind of behaviour, though I’ve never really known throughout my life. But I forgave them. I’m apparently the seventh element. The pony who bares the ‘Pure-Heart’. I guess that’s why Princess Celestia saw something inside of me, she saw that I… have a pure heart. What could that exactly mean? To let bygones be bygones? I guess… I’d never hold grudges against another pony, no matter how nasty they have been. Though I doubt the sincerity of the apologised that the pegasi may make. I saved their lives, along with the other four. Come to think of it, the country mare, Applejack I think her name was… never treated be badly at all. Must have been the paranoia that I had come across. She never spoke a bad word towards me… I never really met the white mare unicorn, so I couldn’t judge her on anything… The pink mare, Pinkie Pie, only really annoyed me to no end. She didn’t hurt me physically, I don’t think socially anyways… And why does the lavender unicorn, was her name Twilight? Whatever it is, I really think I remember her from somewhere… I can’t place my hoof on where. And I would really like to know who that small filly was from the woods. And the fact that she appeared after I had woken up from my ‘dream’, after my… conversation with the Princess. Who was she? And why did she say that we’ll meet again one day? Ugh… so many things to think about. Going back to the Princess… I guess I can really trust her now, if I didn’t really before. She actually saw something special inside of me, that was true and not a lie. She… believed in me. And for good reason. I’m an element… of harmony. I am actually something in this world. For the greater good, I guess. She really gave me a reason to live. We stopped an Alicorn from her plans for eternal night, which I still think is stupid. But… at least these mares are safe from danger. That’s what matters. And I would save my life for them, or really anypony, even… if they have been a bully in the past to me. I guess that’s the pure heart talking. Their lives probably are more important than mine… I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of the building, surprisingly still intact. I thought there would be a hole in the ceiling and rubble around the area. Maybe even on top of me… There was actually light coming from the right of me, probably through the broken windows, or maybe a hole or something… Why do I feel like something comfy is lying on me…? I look to my left, where I feel like something was on me, though I don’t know… why. Rainbow Dash was lying on top of me unconsciously… Oh geez… what would she think when she wakes up? She would probably blame be for being… odd I guess. Even though she was lying, or rather cuddling maybe, me. I was afraid to move for good reason. She will wake up and blame me. She would get angry at me again. Even after Nightmare Moon was defeated… Is she dead? Did… we j-just c-committed mu-mur-rd-murder? Okay, ignore the thought. No, she isn’t dead. Just… not here. Teleported. You don’t know yet. You only woke up… I hear Dash moan… pleasantly? She adjust herself so that she was in a more comfortable position for herself, leaving me in an awkward position as I tried to… get up. I eventually sat on my rear after what seemed liked hours, Dash still clinging my foreleg. I don’t want to wake up, for another misunderstanding that I will inevitably suffer for and… Yeah. Though… It kind of… felt comfy… As odd as it sounds, it was true… “Ugh, my head.” I froze, hearing those words coming from… the mare lying on my shoulder. Hesitantly, I move my head towards the groggy cyan pegasi, who was rubbing her head with her left hoof and trying to get up with her right. Before opening her eyes… Her crimson coloured eyes were looking at me now, as I was unable to move. I blinked a few times to process this. This is real. Oh no… I w-wonder what she could be thinking right now. Probably anger and contempt… I could say something. Though that may aggravate her even more… “H-Hi?” I attempted uneasily to… start conversing. Most likely explaining myself. I was lightly shaking, that I just now realised. It’s scary when another pony is… well, lying on me. And before I knew, she pinned me down to the cold floor again, where I noticed her necklace was still on her. “Okay,” She started, adopting some angry expression, that made me flinched lightly. “You’ve got some explaining to do.” She is reading my thoughts. She must be. Though, her words sounded like a demand. “Yeah, I know.” I weakly say, with no point in fighting back. I can’t out… muscle her. I’m not a fighter. Too many times that statement has been proven, to my pain. She blinked when I said that, before shaking her head really quickly. I hesitated telling her to get off me… She might become even scarier… But there isn’t really anything to lose… “Could you… please get off me…?” I ask kind of quietly. Don’t punch me. Don’t punch me. Don’t punch me… “Y-yeah, sure.” She surprisingly said, actually… listening to me. She got up from pinning both of my hooves down and began floating in the air next to me. I got up rather slowly, noticing the sights of this place. It looked slightly worse than what it did before we all were knocked out. I had gotten up on all four hooves when I saw that the other mares were also knocked out with their necklaces still on, and a crown lying on the floor next to Twilight. “Now,” She began, getting my attention. “Who are you?” “I’d… rather not say.” I can’t fully trust her. How could I fully trust her? Well… I don’t want to tell anypony about my name. Its better that they don’t know… And as if she would care about my life… Why would I share my life story to her? She would probably use this to her own advantage against me… Must be the paranoia kicking in again. “Why not?” She said with a slightly threatening tone. Why is she so curious to know about… my life? She could have asked questions about why I am here… but instead she asks over who I am… a lonely loser that is… something special that is debatable. “How do I know that you won’t bully me again?” I retort, getting slightly frustrated from her ‘demands’ of her questions. I want her to give me reasons to trust her. Sure, I forgive her. I don’t think we’ll go beyond that… She seemed to be taken aback by that question and paused, looking over in thought, before adopting some mildly-frustrated expression. Then she muttered something that I just managed to hear. “I didn’t bully you…” “Really? How about when you pushed me down to the ground and yelled insults directly in my face!” I started to seethe in anger, moving towards the crazy pegasi. “Well why did you bully Fluttershy then?” What. This… I’m getting really mad now, angrier than her. “I did not bully Fluttershy.” I spoke, gritting my teeth. She looked like she was backing off. “She pushed me. She attacked me. She threatened me. I didn’t do anything.” Calm yourself. Don’t get angry. This will get you nowhere. No matter… I don’t know. I locked sternly into her eyes, with her looking away from the stare in thought… “H-how…” She tried to start, but trailed off… unable to argue with anything. Why did she even attack me in the first place…? “Oh.” She looked down at the ground for a few moments, while I was taking several breaths. Don’t get mad. “But…” Is she in a conflict with herself? She was moving back and forth in the air, flapping those wings… I’ll never have wings. Or a horn. I’ll always be a plain earth pony… “Ugh…” I heard moaning coming from the left of us, seeing the other ponies slowly wake up. “Is everypony okay?” I heard the southern-drawl coming from Applejack, as she was rubbing her head. The others were slightly moaning as they came to, while Rainbow Dash looked… disappointed over something, before noticing her necklace. She had... it was probably nothing. “Oh, thank goodness.” I heard the white unicorn say in an elegant-upper class kind of accent, getting up and tried to fix her mane which was slightly messy, but the purple mane looked very stylish and… fashionable. I don’t think I would ever style my worthless mane like that… It looks out of style for me anyways… Then I saw the yellow pegasi also get up… looking towards the white mare. I don’t know if I am truly afraid of her… but I know that I will have to confront her sometime soon, if I am not forced to… “Why Rarity, it’s so lovely.” She stated, with a calm voice that… wasn’t like the one I heard. She looked… kind of beautiful, though I don’t really know what beautiful is. I think I’m still startled by her presence… “I know!” The white mare now known as Rarity expressed. “I’ll never part with it again!” She then stroked her mane back into some position. I noticed that Rainbow Dash was looking rather uneasily for some reason. She was looking down at the ground… looking sad about something. Then she caught my gaze and suddenly shook her head, prodding the necklace around her. What was that? “No. Your necklace. It looks just like your cutie mark.” She pointed a hoof at the necklace around her, as I tried not to flinch whenever she moves. I don’t… I’m still paranoid that she will attack me once she sees me… though she looked really guilty and sad once she saw me before… I don’t know. But I think I will have no choice but to find out eventually… “What? Oh! So does yours.” Then they both gasped and looked amazed at their own necklaces… they were the elements I think. Though I was lost during most of what happened. But I knew that I saved these mares from death. And that’s all that matters. I even sacrificed my own life for them… I think. It payed off. "Look at mine! Look at mine!" I heard the pink mare- sorry, Pinkie Pie express, as she jumped up and down excitedly and cheerily. I didn’t… really feel the same way, exactly. They each got a good necklace with a ruby the shape of their cutie marks imbedded in them, while my element is my own heart. Which has been burning up inside of me ever since I can remember… And now… It’s a peace. At least for now, but it’s better than nothing. "Aw yeah." I then heard Rainbow Dash express looking at her own, but I think it was forced, almost. It didn’t sound as sincere as the- Pinkie Pie. I couldn’t help but feel sad for some reason… how do I know that these ponies won’t eve betray me in the future? Well, come to think of it… I did say… that I was their friend. I did, didn’t I? I don’t know why I even did… I barely know these mares, and I’m on a bitter relationship with half of them… the other half I don’t even know… Yet I still call them my friend… Princess Celestia told me to go save my ‘friends’ even though I had no idea who she was referring to… I don’t think even she can cure my social anxiety… these mares would probably dump me the first chance they even get… I can’t get rid of these thoughts, no matter what I do. I look down at the ground as they admire and fascinate their newfound… gold? I don’t know… They probably value it more than me… I don’t know if I just wanted to get away from them as possible… But I need to confront my fears… eventually… "You okay there, sugarcube?" Applejack spoke, making me flinch as she came out of nowhere. She must have seen my sad self, looking down at the ground. Though why she cares…? I was hesitant in silence, not knowing where this could be led. Fluttershy was looking at me now, shocked as I am. In fact, they all are… All eyes are on my now… This is scary all of a sudden… What should I say? What should I do? Should… I explain myself? This is getting even more uncomfortable as every silent second ticks on… “Why in Equestria are you here?” Rarity ends the awkward silence for a moment. Should I even answer that question? I know what really happened, but why would they believe me? That Princess Celestia guided me after I was… attacked by Nightmare Moon. Not to mention the suicide thing… They would probably bully me to no end… “Um…” I started, before trailing off and looking down. I didn’t really know what to say that wouldn’t ridicule me… “Why did you save us…?” I heard a very, very faint voice ask, coming from… Fluttershy. She was hiding behind her mane as I now observed her again. Even she looked away, maybe in shame, from asking the question… “And how is it that you seem familiar to me…?” I then hear Twilight inquire, who was staring at me curiously. This… at least they weren’t beating me and threatening me yet. Though they haven’t shown any red flags that I can spot… Why is it that Twilight does seem familiar to me…? Even she is having the same thought… “Gee, Twilight!” I hear Applejack directing the conversation now, as I remained silent and didn’t answer anything. She must have noticed my discomfort… “I thought you were just spoutin' a lot of hooey, but I reckon we really do represent the elements of friendship.” At least I wasn’t the main attraction now. Elements of friendship…? A pure heart is an important element of friendship… I guess it does… “Indeed you do.” A sudden familiar voice intrudes out of nowhere… along with some light appearing from next to us. It was… surprisingly it was revealed to be Princess Celestia… Was she there the entire time? Everypony gasped as the leader appeared, and proceeded to bowed in her honour. Twilight instead trotted towards her, as I stood still quickly moving to the side, just… watching. I don’t know if I should bow… "Princess Celestia!” She shouted in joy, as she was greeted warmly by the Princess. "Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. I knew you could do it.” She assured her over… getting the elements in the first place, I guess. "But... you told me it was all an old pony tale." She then brought up, as the other mares made their way over to them, where I could see… Nightmare Moon lying on the ground? No… it wasn’t her. It is a smaller version of her. Her colours looked more… weak than a usual pony. She also was smaller in size, and her armour was… different in some way. It just looked different… “I told you that you needed to make some friends, nothing more.” Is that why Twilight was even there at the ceremony back in Ponyville? "I saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return and I knew it was you who had the magic inside to defeat her, but you could not unleash it until you let true friendship into your heart.” I let… true friendship into my heart…? Is that why I am so special in some way? Or is it only to do with her…? "Well, that explains that… but what about…" She turned towards me... "…him?" She startled me as I began to feel nervous about the attention that was on me… again. I considered sneaking out of the room while nopony noticed… but that would be rude. "I didn't know there was another element from the book… I read that there were only six!” “Of course…” Princess Celestia answered, keeping her warm smile which surprised me. I haven’t seen any other expression come about on her face. Must me a composure thing… "You see, Twilight… Tom's element,” Did she just reveal my name!? “…his pure heart, otherwise known as the Element of Purity for short, is not tangible and not exactly visible either. Those ponies who have managed to attempt to study these elements were only able to study those that they could see… Such as that crown on your head, and the necklaces around the others." So why didn’t she tell anypony…? It would have been really useful… Though it worked out in the end, anyways… So I guess I shouldn’t ask… "So…" Twilight remained in thought for a while the other mares where exchanging glances with one another. Though it looked like Fluttershy still remained afraid of me… "What you're saying is…only a princess like you would know of his element? Because you were technically the only one who knew it ever existed?" And didn’t tell anypony…? I guess… I needed to learn what my heart was doing… all that time. I saved a filly in the woods by my own choices even when I really didn’t need to. I took my own time and risked my own life for the foal… I guess the ‘pure heart’ thing makes sense in that regard. “And that… only a pony like him could bear it…?” W-what does that mean…? “Well… both of those ideas are another thing.” Did she save me there? I don’t think she meant to… Because she turned her head to where the fallen Alicorn was, walking over to the defeated pony who opened her eyes, all teary. At least she wasn’t dead… Though, I wonder if the elements could ever do that… Kill another pony… “Princess Luna…” Wait, ‘Princess Luna’? What? “It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this…” So, the Nightmare Moon thing really was real? Woah… a thousand years… Princess Celestia laid herself down in front of her as she flinched, attempting to move back but failing. “Time to put our differences behind us, once and for all. We were meant to rule together… little sister.” Woah, woad, woah, woah. Little sister? “Sister?” The others questioned simultaneously and for good reason. Nightmare Moon, or Princess Luna… was Princess Celestia’s sister!? Ow… my head hurts again. If this is really true… how did she become Nightmare Moon…? Princess Celestia stood up before her. "Will you accept my friendship?” Princess Celestia asked, standing up in front of her, holding out a hoof. Every one of the mares began leaning forward in suspense, most likely shocked. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. Though, Pinkie Pie was taking this a bit too far and fell over. How do you fall over…? Princess Luna looked at her in silence for a moment… Before suddenly rushed towards Princess Celestia in an apologetic manner, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister! I didn’t mean any of it to happen…” She then exclaimed before starting to shred tears. Princess Celestia began to cry as well… This must be a really emotional thing for them… A thousand years apart… That’s longer than me being alone… She probably had it worse. No wonder she is getting the attention right now… Princess Celestia responded by embracing the hug, as I noticed Pinkie Pie was sniffling, uncontrollably releasing tears of her own… The others just watched on. I could see that Fluttershy was visibly shaking lightly, trying to avoid eye-contact with me… Was she really that terrified of me? I… don’t know if it is an act. Too many facts point towards it being genuine… I should forgive her… should I? “I've missed you, too.” Princess Celestia then said, as they continued to hug for a few moments. Pinkie Pie blew her nose with a tissue and began crying out loud until she suddenly shifted her gloomily expression. Where did she get the tissue from…? “Hey, you know what this calls for? A party!” She… a party. Oh yeah, I forgot that she wanted me over for a party the first time we met each other, when I declined… Princess Celestia stretched out her smile again and slowly looked towards her sister and the others. "Yes… I think the ponies in Ponyville would love to see their new Princess…" Princess Luna returned a worried look. "I tried to make them live in eternal night… They'll hate me…" I can see what she means… "That's all in the past, my sister… Trust me…" Princess Celestia encouraged her. Nopony ever said those words to me… Princess Luna remained silent, thinking about it for a moment. She then hesitantly nodded her head, forming a small smile. "…Okay." She managed to smile before even I did. "Come, all of you." Princess Celestia told us as she began walking out with her sister by her side. "You all deserve this celebration as much as we do." They exited as the rest of the girls followed them, as they made their way down the corridor exit… while I decided to sit and stay behind. I didn’t really want to participate in this celebration, or even going to a party for that matter… social anxiety that I can’t ever get out. Sure, I called those mares my ‘friend’… but there are other ponies that I have never met… and I think its best this way. But then again… it felt like the wrong thing to do… ignoring them altogether… I don’t really want to go to the celebration… I wouldn’t even be the main attraction really… two princesses… the elements of harmony belonging to those six mares, and Twilight who looked like she really knew Princess Celestia… it’s just… best this way. I don’t want to ruin their nights, or make it worse for me. Or both… At least they can be happy, knowing they have true friends, those who care for another… Those who won’t betray them in time… How do I know if these ponies aren’t any different from the rest…? "Hey." A voice surprised me, which made me jump for a moment. Or flinch. I quickly looked over to see… it was Twilight. “Are you coming?” She asked, with a face of... concern. That’s what her expression looked like to me… Does she really care? And… how is it that she looks so familiar to me… "…I don't know…" I merely returned back. Too many things going on at once… things that could make matters worse for me, for them… or for me. I didn’t really know what to do. I could have gone back home… Though they will eventually find me… Surprisingly, she moved closer to me as I was lost in my conflicting thoughts… “Well, aren’t you our friend?” She asked in a friendly and content manner which… I didn’t think I’d see… Maybe she does really care… But faces like that could be the work of excellent actors… And, come to think of it… I did say that I was their ‘friend’. But how genuine does ‘friend’ mean to them… I guess there are very limited options to find out… None of which I didn’t prefer over the other… They aren’t good. But… “Yeah…” I could only answer, with some slight regret and fear. I… only hope I won’t be betrayed by these ponies… Though hope hasn’t gotten me a long way in life… Maybe this is all for the best… I got up and began walking with her, making our way to the others. It was mostly silent without the occasional question the lavender unicorn asked. She seemed smarted than at first glance. “So, didn’t the Princess say your name was ‘Tom’?” I didn’t like the fact that she used my shortened name… I wish she didn’t. They could ridicule me because of my name… The few ponies who did… did. Will these ponies be any different? Well, Princess Celestia wanted me to have friends… I also wanted to have friends… I guess this will be the first ever ‘trust decision’ that I make. “Actually,” I paused. Do I really want to do this? “My name is Thomas.” Yes, I guess I do “Oh,” She then looked down in thought, as I waited for the insult. Thomas you idiot. You had to say your name, didn’t you…? “That’s a nice name.” You had to… Wait, what? “Really?” I was very surprised. I guess the trust decision paid off… Though it’s a ‘nice name’… How would it be a nice name? “Yeah, it doesn’t sound like a name that is often heard… But I like it.” She added with a smile that always seemed to be on her face, and every other pony’s in Ponyville whenever I see them… Just because I have ‘friends’ here… doesn’t really make me happy, knowing the potential bullying that could possibly occur in the future… But, I guess I need to conquer the ‘social anxiety’ thing that I have. I… should at least try and make small talk… but I have no idea how. Well… out of respect, maybe I should ask for her name, even though I already know it is. They don’t know that I heard her name from listening behind the window, before… the cliff thing… happened. “So… what’s your name…?” I ask quietly, still kind of looking down at the ground. “Oh, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” Sparkle… also kind of rings a bell that I can’t exactly remember… She said those words in pride… as if she has accomplished a lot in her life… “Well, what do you do…?” I can’t think of anything else to ask, or even say to her. I can only hope she doesn’t ask me questions… “I am Princess Celestia’s student.” You are Princess Celestia’s student… I guess that makes a lot of sense in some regard. She then continued her story about her living in… Canterlot… Her being sent here to make some friends due to an order by Princess Celestia after saying that she thought the ‘Nightmare Moon’ thing was a myth… which was now definitely proven false (did she lie?), and she met the other ponies one by one with… her assistant Spike, who was a small baby dragon… She talked like this while we were walking with the others as we caught up to them. I was remaining silent and politely listening to Twilight talk… and hearing the others talk about several things, even hearing boasting coming out of some of them. Also noticing Fluttershy not saying a thing to nearly anypony unless she was asked a question… kind of like me… She must be taking this real hard, with my presence here… She might even think that I won’t ever forgive her in the future… To be honest, I’m not exactly sure if I am forgiving her, but I don’t want to remain on negative terms… Twilight then talked to the others as I was really walking by myself, trying to clear my thoughts and to attempt to ignore the voices walking in front of me. I heard the breeze hitting against the trees, swaying back and forth… How peaceful the sound was, how I actually enjoyed this… being alone in this instance… a lot has happened tonight. It’s quite tiring, a lot has happened within such a small amount of time. At least, that’s what it seemed like to me… Strangely enough, it looked like nearly everypony was in town by the time we all got there after… who knows how long. Didn’t actually count how long it could have been… I guess… Pinkie Pie has these… odd ways… into making parties, or just this one. Both the Princesses’ were led into a carriage led by royal guards that looked quite intimidating, like the Minotaur, back into Ponyville. There were a number of cheers for the Princesses’ as they came back into the town, and maybe to the six mares, as I stayed behind the pack of them, away from the attention. I don’t know if I deserve it… A baby dragon which Twilight described as Spike came out of the crowd and hugger her from her return. A friend who cares… As if I could ever have a ‘friend’ like that. For all I know right now, these ‘friends’ are just accomplices. Princess Celestia presented her sister towards the crowd of the town. They all actually bowed in respect, forgiving her in some aspect… I guess. Nevertheless, Princess Luna still looked at the ground in sadness, probably thinking that they still won’t forgive her… until a couple of pegasi mares flew up to her and placed a necklace made out of roses on her… She seemed very surprised by the sudden… action and looked towards her sister… managing to smile even. Despite the conflict that they had to go through… I wish I could smile… When I looked around, I could see that everypony was pretty much celebrating, laughing, smiling, chatting, not about me at least… but I guess about the fact that it won’t be an eternal night forever… while I sat on a grass hill watching over the preceding events, being out of everything. Feeling lonely once more. Loneliness somehow managed to find me during this party, which even took me aback. I guess I wanted this, but now I don’t. I never did. I just… didn’t want to be here at this party. I just sighed and paid my attention towards the ground, watching the grass grow. “Why so glum, my faithful student?” I heard Princess Celestia ask, as I zoned back into reality. How long was I alone here? I heard them nearby talking to one another, as I lifted my head up to see both of them. Twilight also looked gloomy… for whatever reason. “Are you not happy that your quest is complete and you can return to your studies in Canterlot?” Wait, it was a quest…? Well, yeah… “That's just it...” Twilight responded, sharing a glance at everypony that I saved earlier… including me even. "Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them.” I’m a wonderful friend? I honestly, really doubt that. As if I mean that much to her… I mean nothing to anypony… Too many beatings can prove that otherwise… Why am I even slightly trusting these ponies anyway…? Must be due to the Princess… There was a moment of silence as it looked like Princess Celestia was pondering her words. “Spike, take a note, please.” The dragon then pulled out an empty scroll and quill… from somewhere. “I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria." She announced as the others gazed at her in awe, wondering what she was going to say next… as I looked on in sadness. “She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville." Huh… The fillies immediately gathered around her, cheering and laughing in delight for her staying here. The attention not on me… nopony caring… “Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before!" Twilight returned gleefully, jumping up and down, quite like Pinkie Pie, as… confetti and streamers feel out of nowhere… I don’t know what to think about that. It’s not important to me really. I just stood away from them, walking away with sadness in my eyes. Even if I didn’t want the attention… I couldn’t ever me happy… Nopony really cared if I am even happy…. “Hey! Isn’t this part exciting?” That voice suddenly shouted from behind me, making me startled. Pinkie Pie then very quickly moved in front of me, expressing her excitement in all her glory… while I remained the exact opposite, silent and sad. “Are you really excited about this because I’m excited I’ve never been so excited, well, except for the time that I went on this- She then gasped sharply after she spoke all those words so incredibly fast…? “But, no I really mean that…” She continued on as I just walked away from her, ignoring any words that was spoken from then on. The sound of her high-pitched words draining out of my ears… I was already very upset about the fact that I couldn’t ever e as happy as the rest of them. Or be happy at all… What was I even doing here in the first place? It seemed like the part wasn’t even for me… More for the Princesses’ and Twilight… and the other Elements… and I was only in their shadow. I walked over the hill where I made it to a bench in the park. Whatever occurred in the party… I just didn’t want to think about it… I swear I heard a voice calling me… I was hearing things… I looked up at the night sky, unsure over how it was even night after I saw the light from before… oh yeah, it was coming from the Princess. Either way, I would also occasionally just look at the ground with regret over me even coming along with them. I should have walked home. But I guess it’s a relief still that I’m not there. I’m here in the park, hearing the chirping coming from the crickets, hearing the wind making a small breeze through the bushes and the flowers… This kind of silence was pleasing to me, like when I was walking through the woods with the rest of them… So much more pleasing than the atmosphere of the party… which didn’t even seem normal to me… I didn’t want to think these thoughts, but for all these years… what was I supposed to rationally think about? The actions that I took didn’t seem normal for me. I just didn’t want to be there, with more of the townsponies possibly critiquing me when I’m not in their view… The bigger feeling of me wanting to hate myself… An outcast… I couldn’t be like any other pony, could I? No matter how much I try… no matter what I do… I’m always treated as… an outcast… Nopony even walked up to me while I was sitting alone, which was something important to notice. Even if I wanted to be alone in only that circumstance… nopony wanted to know about the stranger. The new stallion in the town. Instead, they prefer the unicorn who was the apprentice of Princess Celestia… Sighs… I hate you loneliness. I just hate you… Why do you… Why do you cause all this pain upon me? Give me these paranoid thoughts that can’t ever escape my head? Give me the feeling of loneliness in some way or form every time I… do anything? Giving me thoughts over… the inevitable truth. Many. In this case… nopony truly caring about me… Twilight only did it because it ‘was her nature’ or some excuse like that. Fluttershy probably is planning revenge behind her mane, as she acts out her crying… Rainbow Dash is probably planning a surprise attack on me so that nopony knows it was even her… I hate you loneliness. Those are the kinds of thoughts that I receive. No matter how true it could be. Loneliness refuses me to be happy. Ever. Point. Loneliness won’t even let me try… Loneliness keeps this social anxiety inside of me so that it won’t ever escape… My heart now burns once more as I think all of this… See what you did, loneliness? Are you happy? Well!? Are you!? … …sighs… “Hey, Thomas.” Some voice made me panic out of nowhere, making me gasp and look back… …to see… Rainbow Dash? Well, at least she doesn’t look threatening… I kind of relieved myself of these fears… wondering why she is even taking her time to… talk to me… “…hey Rainbow Dash…” I somehow managed to say after slumping back into the bench, looking at the ground now… She… I noticed that she wasn’t walking now… Instead, she was… walking on the ground. I thought she would always fly all the time. That’s what happens whenever I see her talking to the others… She moved next to me… even sitting next to me? What… “What are you doing out here? The party’s over there!” She asked with a smile, attempting to get me to be happy or something… Wait, was that a joke…? Well, whatever it was, at least she was courageous enough to look at me with her crimson-coloured eyes… while mine remained to the dirt of the ground. “Um…” I started to think of something, a believable excuse… even though it was really hard when nopony wanted to talk to you…? “I just wanted to be alone from the party…” Which I guess was the entire truth. Though, even I am still doubtful about being alone… just… away from the party. “Oh. Well, why don’t you come join us! It’d be awesome hanging out with me…!” She tried to cheer me up, still sitting right next to me. She didn’t even fly up into the air from what I expected. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “Err… I don’t… I think I’m better right out here…” I returned, stopping myself from saying that I didn’t desire to be out their directly, but instead implied it. At least she is talking to me… though I don’t know why… “Okay.” She sighed, which sounded kind of serious. “Is this about the… Fluttershy thing before…” Um… I wasn’t thinking about Fluttershy… but… She didn’t mention that her ‘bullying’… only Fluttershy incident… She didn’t even say sorry. My response was to keep silent and not say anything. “I… erm… oh, how do I put this…?” I hear her mutter, as she looks away, I think. I wonder what she has in mind. “Well…” She trailed off again… she is probably wasting as much as my time on purpose… “I was… wrong.” You were… what? She got my full attention now, as I looked up at her in confusion. “I was wrong about the whole Fluttershy… thing. I overreacted a little…” I gave her a glare at that last statement. A little? “Okay, a lot. Quite a lot actually…” She shook her head. “What I mean is… She looked directly into my eyes now… I could see… regret. “I’m sorry…” …you are…? “I’m sorry that… I overreacted when I… heard about Fluttershy. I misheard what I had heard. I thought that you had attacked her, and when Rarity and Pinkie Pie ‘scolded’ me, I thought they were just lying. But now… even Applejack told me over what she had heard… and… Fluttershy is the nicest pony that I have ever know… and when I heard that she had been harmed…” She trailed off, looking away in… maybe shame. Her words… they sounded genuine. Maybe she really is sorry. It’s just the manner over how she is saying it. It just sounds… forced. “Yeah… I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you that much… Maybe…” She paused, looking straight into my eyes. “Maybe we could be friends…” She… she… said. Does… she really mean that? I had to look away in thought. Does she really want to be my friend? How do I… no. Don’t think about these thoughts. Maybe sometimes… you should just go with it. She hasn’t threatened you once when you came here… “Could you… Do you… want to be my friend?” She asked softly, her voice cracking in the process. I turned back to her, who was smiling sadly… “I…” I started, but made a double-take. What if she does betray me? None of this looks or seems like a prank. Nopony, maybe other than Pinkie Pie, has really noticed me ever since coming back to this town… my ‘new home’… “Yes.” I answer quietly, before looking away from her excited gaze. I feel some regret from this choice. Another hope is not being betrayed in this town… how long will that last, though…? “Yes!” She shot up into the sky, all cheery and excitedly. I just kept looking at the ground. “Now… don’t you…” She stopped herself, now floating in front of me from what I can sense. “...Are you really okay?” I still didn’t answer her. “…come to think of it… I haven’t seen you smile at all. I know I’ve only see you on… occasions.” Yeah, that helps… “What’s going on? Is there something else wrong?” Even if I did have the courage and the ‘non-trust issues’ to put it lightly… as if she would have understood… “It’s nothing, Rainbow Dash.” That was the only thing I answer, before everything went silent once more. She seems to float in the air for maybe a minute… unable to say anything to that. Eventually, she decided to sit right next to me. I could even smell her… smell. It was… quite nice, really. We just sat in silence for who knowns how long. I kind of ignored over what Rainbow was doing… instead I was just looking up at the night sky. She must be really sorry… but how was I supposed to know. She still hasn’t just… walked or flown away in frustration, over this silence… probably. Instead… we just sat in silence. Maybe enjoying one another’s company. Maybe for her, but I sincerely doubt it… “Are you okay?” She eventually asked, snapping me out of my blank thoughts. I didn’t answer the question, no matter how much I wanted to. I can’t fully trust her… “Alright, look Thomas…” She got my full attention again. I guess Twilight told her my name. And that I feel naturally that ponies would insult me because of my name… “Come on. Let’s get back to the party.” I didn’t want to accept her offer. I could only answer with silence… for at least a few moments. “Sorry. But I’d rather stay here…” I managed to squeak out… somehow… “Oh, come on!” She was looking a little playful and friendly. It didn’t look forced. “Why don’t you come party with Pinkie and us? And me! You’ll get to hand out with me.” She tried to suggest, but I could only look at the ground in shame and fear. “I bet that’ll cheer you up!” She claimed with her tomboyish voice. I wonder why it was even called ‘tomboyish’… Nevermind. I had my obvious doubts… at least it was obvious to me. I still remained silent. “Oh, come on! Don’t you want to hang us with the most awesome-est pony that you’ve ever met?” I had walked away back towards my home during her words. I just realized that she already was going to push me and indirectly attack my comfort zone, along with herself bragging her ego that I could notice… However, she obviously noticed that I wasn’t sitting on the bench anymore. I could hear her wings flap that echoed a wind noise… or something. “Where ya going? Wait!” She called, stopping me as she flew right in front of me, blocking my path. She had that intimidation-like stance again. “I thought you said you were my friend!” She… accused me, pointing a hoof at me which made me take a step back. “Don’t you want to hang out with the fastest flier in Equestria? Are you taking back what you said? You don’t want to be my friend?” She looked… kind of hurt. It could be her acting… but I didn’t want to make anypony feel bad about m not participating in this party that wasn’t for me… “I thought you were my friend…” I could only look away, disappointing myself. Was this cyan pegasi really upset by my absence at the party? I couldn’t really tell… the fact that she even sough to find me after I had left… she actually noticed my absence, though… Whatever the case was… her sudden grief was starting to get to me… “Why are you leaving?” Her tone softened? I… I didn’t know she could be like this… After silence with myself when I didn’t answer. The same disappointment in her voice, just like Pinkie Pie’s… This grief was really getting to me. I don’t like making ponies feel bad. I’m feeling… horrible for it. For my ‘behaviour’, for my ‘actions’… If I don’t end this soon, I’ll just feel worse… “I’m sorry.” I managed to say, attempting to form some kind of excuse, words to explain… “…It’s just… it’s not any of you. I don’t really belong at that party…” She raised a hoof trying to interrupt me, but I stopped her. “It’s just… me. It’s me. It always has been… “I’m just a different type of pony, unlike any of you.” “No you’re not!” She claimed. “You’re not unlike us because you’re… quiet. That doesn’t make you different! Just because you’re different doesn’t mean… you can’t have fun.” I wish that wasn’t true. “And what do you mean by ‘it always has been you’?” I didn’t answer that question, I just looked down at the ground. “What does that mean?” She asks again, sternly but softly. “I…” I start, before realizing how bad it could be if I explained. And as if she would believe me. “If I go in there… I’ll just make everything worse than it already is…” I tried to explain, but she’ll ignore me and keep on pressing me- “Come on, now! No you won’t! You won’t make the party depressing!” She kept persuading me, but it really wasn’t working. I don’t know if I should take her word for it… Seems better that… I shouldn’t? I don’t know… Actually… “Why do you care, all of a sudden?” I retort, raising an eyebrow at her. The question seemed to catch her off-guard. “Why do you care about what I do now? Why do you want me to go back to the party?” I would like to know why she even cares now… She only answered with silence and looking away from me, where I couldn’t see the look on her face where it looked like she was trying to hide… That’s has what I’ve been answering to her. And now she has nothing to say… I wonder why that is… “I…” Then she shakes her head. “I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want anypony to be sad. Think of it like this… It’s a ‘thank you’ gift…” A thank you gift? “F-for… saving me… for saving us from Nightmare Moon.” I didn’t move a hoof. “You came and saved us when we least expected you to. You saved me when… after the things that I did to you. You looked… like you have been tortured. Like you had… no reason to live.” And she was right. There was no doubting that. At least… she looks genuinely guilty. At least… she apologized to me. The first ever former-bully to do so… No reason to live… “Is that why you were in the forest?” She asked out of the blue. W-what? “You had… no reason to live…” “No…” I sigh, snapping her from those thoughts. I didn’t want her to think that. She would probably scold me over how it isn’t worth it, and just get upset with me. She would maybe punch me or slap me very hard… “It’s just…” I trail off again, refusing to say any more about this topic. Should have just gone home… “It’s just what?” She sounded a little impatient and maybe even frustrated, but continued to speak in a soft voice that also sounded demanding. Though who is she to privy into my personal life? Why does she deserve the right to know? …would I even muster any strength to say that to her? No, I wouldn’t be able to… I just remained silent as I looked down at the ground again. “Why don’t you want to be at the party?” At least she changed the subject now. I still remained silent. “Don’t you want to hang out with us?” I really want to, as much as I do. But… they will betray me in the future… and I have no idea who they are. Even if this is… Rainbow Dash, at least she is taking her time to… talk to me… and she apologized to me, for… even being a bully, and acknowledging it. And hasn’t threatened me… yet… But I don’t know anypony in this town other than the six I claimed that were… my ‘friend’ (which I cannot still believe), but… these other ponies may even be worse than the six fillies that I currently… ‘know’. But… they could be even worse than Rainbow Dash was before. And they could even be more popular than Twilight, spreading the word around that I can be their next target, them back-chatting about me, ponies judging and criticizing every move that I make… …sighs… It’s been a long night. “Okay.” She took a breath. “Aren’t I your friend Thomas?” Failing to see where she was going with this, and… with a lack of anything else to… do, I nodded, glancing up at her. She seemed… determined over something. “Isn’t Twilight, Applejack and the rest your friend?” I hesitated for a second, before nodding again, gloomily. “Then… why don’t you want to hang out with us, if we are your friend?” I wish I could tell you that. I really wish I could. You’re just wasting your own time. Just leave and enjoy your night without me… “Friends don’t leave other friends by themselves, to make them be lonely.” I don’t want to answer that… “You don’t… look like you want any friends…” I kind of perked up when she said that, though maybe not in a good way. “I… really do…” I start and start, before being interrupted. “Well why don’t you hang out with us!” She enquired, raising both hoofs in the air as she took flight again, making me look down at the ground. I… I’m too pathetic and… paranoid to tell her… and that’s one of the major problems that I have that probably won’t ever be healed… “I don’t want to ruin you part by my presence… I always ruin things…” I state, or mumbled, again, trying to make a plausible excuse to her… I really think that I always ruin everything I come near to… I can’t tell anymore… She sighed in… maybe frustration or disappointment. “Okay, fine. You don’t seem like much of a friend to anypony, anyways…” She then claimed, probably fed up with me refusing to say anything. “As if I would know…” I immediately said… I guess that line would be the closest for me to… explain anything… and implied it… oh no. I d-didn’t mean to do that. Oh, great… Unfortunately, she raised an eyebrow instead of… flying away in anger maybe? “What does that mean?” She got closer towards me, looking even sterner than before. I don’t know why… But I looked up and stared into her eyes, where she was… maybe glaring at me. I didn’t even make any attempt to upset her… or anypony for the matter if there is any… “As if you would know…” Then she paused. Oh, no. She is going to punch me, isn’t she? I can… I didn’t even do anything wrong. And this is how… It always happens to me… “…that you can’t be a friend to anypony?” Her voice cracked as she made this prediction… I don’t know if she is correct… But I… yeah I think she is. I can’t be a friend to anypony. I would only make things worse, somehow. I would only be a bother to them… Tartarus, they are only going to betray me anyways… “You…” Please don’t punch me… “No. Surely.” W-what? Now… I’m confused. I looked back at her from some sort of… bracing position. She looked confused, and her expressions had softened again… why does that keep happening? “You’ve had friends before you come to Ponyville, right?” I only looked at the ground in shame and guilt. “Right?” She asked again, starting to get a tone of disbelief in her voice. “Right?” I should have went home, straight away. This is what I get for leaving my ‘home’… “Thomas?” Her voice was really… quiet now. Almost like the voice I heard… Fluttershy speaks in. “Thomas… have you ever had a friend.” I… why do you even take the time to question or care? My life should mean nothing to you. For all I know, you still hate me on your inside. This… well, no betrayal ever took this much creative planning to do… That is surprising. “You… never had a friend?” I looked up, back into her eyes once more. She looked genuinely… shocked. She looked shocked. That I never had a friend? Some act. She… What should I say now? Should I tell her to just leave me alone, so that I hope that she would just go away? Or… answer her honestly. Maybe… I could really be her friend. Though... I don’t see how I really should. She started to bully me the first time she ever laid her eyes onto me, over a misunderstanding that I don’t see how it happened. Must be a biased thing… But it seemed that she was genuinely sorry… Nopony every looked sincerely as… her apology. That must be something to take in… She is wasting her time to even get me back towards the party, hasn’t thrown any sign of a threat towards me, hasn’t shown any signs of hostility… only guilt, regret… and worry. She… She may even care for me… But I don’t know if she does. Even if she really does… Princess Celestia even said, or implied, that she was my friend. Even after the bad things she did, she… redeem herself in a way (I am going to confront Fluttershy one way or another…). I really want a friend… There… isn’t really anything to lose. “…no. I have never had a friend.” I admit, with slight regret in my voice from my admittance… But… I hope she isn’t like the others… She looked at me with shock, as I looked at her with sadness. “I’m so sorry…” I have never heard a voice so… soft like that. So… quietly before. She… felt sorry for me? For me? It… must be more than some act. Mustn’t it be? It might… It mightn’t. I have never had the ability to tell, because they all have been nasty towards me… But I told her that I have never had a ‘friend’ or a ‘true friend’ for that matter… I don’t know what she can prove that she would really be my friend… … … …but it suddenly changed when… out of nowhere… clung onto me… embracing me… … …she is hugging me… … I don’t think she could see my face, but my eyes have never been this wide before. I’m starting to panic from this… My heart was racing, beating what felt like a million times a minute, as if it wanted to rip itself out of my chest… My nerves immediately tensed up as I froze and was unable to move a limb, or to even say anything… What is this feeling? And why is it hurting me? I’m scared of this new feeling… It feels harmful, more hurtful than a beating… My heart is going to explode. Please make it stop. Please stop it. Rainbow… My body expression seemed to catch her attention when I didn’t embrace her, or when I was… doing something that wasn’t natural. Maybe attempting to contend with my heart… Don’t know. “Are you okay, Tommy?” Tommy… Why did she say that kind of casually… and with concern? She… was concerned of me…? She ‘bullied’ and now she wants to make up. I can respect that… but to suddenly hug me? She… why would she? I mean nothing to her, or to anypony really… Maybe to Princess Celestia, but… well, I’ll never know… “I could feel your heart… why was it beating so… fast…?” As she looked towards my chest, I still couldn’t pull any words together, when she softly pulled away from the hug. I feel embarrassed that she even sees me in such a state… leading me to wonder why… I’m trusting her right now. I should have just made an excuse and kept walking when she spoke about… my suicide. “Do you… have an illness…?” I don’t think ‘Loneliness’ is an illness… maybe? “Chirac… chikapto… chikra… Chiraptophobia… Oh no… are you Chiraptophobic? Oh my gosh!” I stared at her with confusion for a moment, before realizing what she had just said… When you put it that way… “I didn’t know! I’m sorry!” She immediately apologized, now on the ground in front of me… with an expression of… worry. She… was worried about me? Does she really care? Or is it some ploy… No, don’t think that. It’s never… healthy. I… want to explain why my heart… does what it does… but I’ve never really known why it does… what it does. And if I did… I don’t know if I could trust her, her of all ponies… But I can forgive… “It’s… not really like that…” I try to explain, making up words… I couldn’t really come up with anything else. It was really hard to. “Then… what is it?” She asked uncertainly, worriedly and maybe impatiently… or patiently. I couldn’t tell. It’s just… she looks really worried… But sudden images of my paranoia, the fact that ponies always betrayed me… and our first encounter. If she could see what I see… she won’t believe me even if I told her. What if she laughs at me for this idea could be ridiculous to her, or a big fat lie? Or doesn't want to speak to me again after I tell her the truth (though I implied that I attempted to commit suicide to her, but didn’t…)? I can't handle another humiliation like that… Even after calling this mare and five others… my friend. But… I feel like I want to tell her… I really do want to tell her. Or really anypony. Maybe the Princess… But…I can't… I can’t… I don’t want to try… It’s too scary, the possibilities… I just wanted this to be done with. I just sighed and shook my head as I looked back to the ground. “Look…” I start, trying to go back to the… ‘party’ topic and to avoid her question completely. “You ponies are having a good enough time as it is at the party… And I know that I’ll somehow ruin it… I don’t want to ruin your time…” In sadness, my ears flopped down after this statement. I then started moving towards my home, when Rainbow Dash moved into my way again. She really is stubborn… most of the time that isn’t a good thing. “N-no. No! Don’t be like that.” She tried to comfort me after moving closer. “You won’t ruin the party. Trust me.” She even put her right hoof on my shoulder… I… maybe right now… in this instance… I wish I could say something… “You’re talking to me right now…” She made a comforting smile… which didn’t affect me. “…yes. Alone. It’s only you… Who knows what would happen if I even came back…” I sighed as I looked back into her eyes, pleading essentially. “Could you please step aside?” I try to ask, with a hopeless-tone in my voice. I won’t fight you, Rainbow Dash. Please… leave me be. “…but…” She tried to speak, but she seemed to be too puzzled and shocked, unable say anything else to stop me. I think even she saw how powerless I was, and that I was really pleading for her to leave me alone. She… was she about to shed a tear? No, I’m seeing things. As if anypony really cares for me like that. Or at all… Seeming reluctant, she eventually moved to the side as she looked sad at me, in silence for who knows how long. I feel regretful once I started walking towards my home. Maybe after a minute, I walked over a hill and couldn’t see her behind me. I’m sorry that I couldn’t hang out with you mares… I’m sorry… I really am… I wasn’t aware of it for most of the time, buy my heart was racing intensely as I was walking home. How much it hurts… and how much pain it brings and reminds me… I really, truly am alone… I don’t think these new ‘friends’ can ever change that… no matter how stubborn Rainbow Dash really is… I had finally reached my home as I walked around the town, taking the long way really so that I could avoid the ponies at the party as much as possible. I thought Rainbow Dash could be following me, but the glances I took whenever I looked around… revealed nopony was there. As I shut my door… I could feel the darkness that enveloped me as I was reminded of the loneliness and pain that I feel. So many bad memories… could somepony please make it stop… No. Just push it away. I hate all of this so much. I made my way towards the small staircase, walking by… the broken piano and guitar. They always stare at me with their own reason as I pass them… They… I don’t know what they want. But… do they want me to play them? If so… I don’t see any choice to… Even if it was one of the dreams that I had in one point in time… A musician… No. That dream won’t ever come true. Nopony would care if you tried… I fell harshly onto the covers on my bed, sighing angrily. My mind was swirling violent thoughts that was troubling but so obvious as well. When I think about it… I’m an important pony all of a sudden. This seems to ‘good’ to be anywhere near true. I’m not important. I just saved the lives that needed it… that was all. It doesn’t make me happy. Then what will make me happy, that is a realistic option in my life… I still doubt my friends… And this… ‘secret’ element that I possess… is my heart. My heart. Something that has raged a war against my internal organs and me for… since I can remember! And this so-called ‘secret element’, which is the element of purity? I won’t get into it, because I don’t understand it. But nethertheless… it helped defeat a very old princess that made a stupid plan that wouldn’t ever work? To make the night reign for all eternity? Am I supposed to be proud of it? Am I supposed to care if I was the hero? I wasn’t treated like a hero to the others. I wasn’t even given a second thought to most of them. Or… no. Rainbow Dash did. And maybe Twilight… But, whatever. Was the point of it all to make happy? To make me, feel happy? That is a stupid idea. I’m still unhappy as ever! Rainbow Dash couldn’t try and make me happy by getting me back into the party for… Twilight I think. Not even Princess Celestia can make me happy. Twilight can’t make me happy. Rainbow Dash can’t make me happy! Nopony can ever make me happy! I’m still upset, angry, sad and alone as ever! Nothing that happened tonight or any other night can make any change! No matter what I do! If nothing can make the smallest change, then what can!?! What can!? What can? What can? What can…? What can…? What… can…? So many emotions are flooding my mind right now. All swelling within my brain. Only making me angrier than ever before. I couldn’t even express these emotions properly. I couldn’t even think straight. I’m lucky that I’m not losing control over my anger. I haven’t ever before. But I just wanted to yell. So badly. I just want to yell at the sky and at everypony. But that would only make things worse. It wouldn’t help with anything… ponies would hear it and think I was crazy… no I won’t… All I could do now is to stare angrily at the ceiling. Why can’t anypony ever make me happy? Why doesn’t anypony really make any attempt? And why does nopony truly care about me? Nopony ever takes their own time to even consider what my feelings mean. What my own opinions are. …except Rainbow Dash and Princess Celestia. The Princess believed something that was ‘special’ inside of me, which helped me save… an entire Kingdom now that I think about it. She believed in me… And Rainbow Dash may have… cared about me. She even took her own time just to get me back to the party, even when she didn’t need to… She… even after all had happened a few weeks ago… She really wanted to make amends? Ugh… It’s just… too much to think about right now. I’ll always have these doubts in the back of my head. And I feel very tired… and groggy. I really don’t know what to do about all this. I mean… something about those mares makes me… feel different about something… They felt… different. I can’t put my hoof on what. Like usual. They made me feel like… different ponies… ponies that I want to try and start over with… to truly call my friend. But I don’t know why… My head… My head tells me not to trust them… that they’ll hurt me like the others, or the rest… They'll push you towards the darkest depths… I sighed. Even more stuff to think about… Even more stuff to do in my life… And there is probably little time left in the world to do anything about it… I can only hope that I get… a real friend. That’s all I want. Where I have no doubt about the pony that I feel special about… I can trust any friendly pony I can come across… … I chuckled to myself. Yeah. As if. That’d be the day… keep dreaming Thomas. Keep dreaming…