//------------------------------//
// "Starlight" 
// Story: Gut Instinct 
// by wayward_pony 
//------------------------------//


"Starlight"


Tick. Tick. Tick.

Cheerilee lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her plans to sleep in the next day involved first... being able to get to sleep. Though it was dark everything felt so vivid  -- the clock on her wall, the moonlight coming through her shades... and finally the heat. It was unbearably hot. She felt sweaty, but knew if she opened the window, a ripple in her curtains (or the wrapping of her shade on the windowsill) would be enough to drive her crazy. So she lay there... sweaty and drained.

On warm, sleepless nights as a filly Cheerilee would sometimes stare up at the ceiling and eventually space out, drifting off. She couldn't tell time then, but always had the feeling it was sometime early in the morning... so early Celestia's sun wasn't even up yet. Like old times, Cheerilee found herself staring at her ceiling, ready to drift off... but it didn't work. She let out a low growl, hitting the back of her head against her pillow.

I can't take this.

Bolting upright, she stumbled out of bed... limbs half asleep, she could hardly walk a straight line. Her window was nearby, easy to open... once she did she felt immediate relief.

Sliding back in, Cheerilee felt the cool air waft over her and began to relax... expecting sleep to soon take her. Closing her eyes she let out a sigh. She saw darkness, with bits of blue light shining in, as was coming from her window. It morphed into images of the meadow: Scootaloo, Dinky, and Snails... the warm sun, bright flowers, big balloons... lunch. Watching the foals.

Wish it had stayed like that.

Outside a cloud flew over, dulling the moon light for a moment. It was dark now.

Shadows crept in. Her aching body remembered each laceration it blocked out at the time. Her elevated heart rate brought back the feeling of bile in her throat... it felt fresh.

Cheerilee took a breath. 

Stop thinking about this...

The teacher couldn't help it... it was too recent.

Frightened foals, their eyes focused on the horizon... too scared to ask when everything was going to be okay. That look in Dinky's eyes. Lurching forward to make it better. Beating the black bird for survival... her survival.

Cheerilee felt tears forming. She opened her eyes and turned toward her window, staring out at the faint light as it reemerged from the clouds.

"I did right today."

The teacher's eyes were wide and she felt wired enough to get out of bed, though she was exhausted. She lay there, staring out the window, occasionally closing her eyes only to have open them again. Sleep wouldn't come. Eventually the night cooled down... Cheerilee's mind went dull, but she would come right back before she drifted off. All she had was herself right now... the only pony she had to spend eternity with. It would be a long night.

Across the way two pegasus -- mentor and mother -- put their little ones to bed. Both were alive because of Cheerilee and they would be grateful, even Scootaloo (eventually...), but neither slept. Not tonight. Pain and fear kept them awake, the ponies they admired most sleeping on the floor of their rooms. At least they were safe.


* * *


Cheerilee's eyes were closed... her room went dark again as the moonlight was blocked for the second time.

Oh, thank Luna.

Her praise was short-lived.

"Can't sleep?" a gentle voice said from the window.

Cheerliee's eyes popped open. She was facing her window... looking at a dark, flying pony with a big horn.

"Wha...?" Cheerilee grumbled, her mind fuzzy from all the stress. She rubbed her eyes.

"I asked if you could sleep," Luna repeated. "It makes sense you'd be sleepless after what happened. You know you're not dreaming."

Cheerilee sat up in bed, unable to believe her eyes. She felt somewhat... violated by the lack of privacy with the Royal figures, not that she would have let on.

"Not that I mean to be rude, Princess Luna, but... what are you doing here?"

Luna chuckled, drifting into Cheerilee's room, setting both hooves on the floor.

"I can leave, if that's what you wish.... I've simply come to make sure you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Despite Cheerilee's grouchiness, Luna answered with a straight face. Patience and understanding were a required when dealing with a sleepless pony... especially one who's ambitions had been brought under close scrutiny.

"What I read this evening... from officers' notes and Twilight's letter she sent me through Spike. She and her friends are quite worried about you."

"Well," Cheerilee rocked in bed, thinking about what to say. "Princess Luna, I really appreciate this, but..."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

Cheerilee sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Don't you normally just visit ponies while they sleep? Wouldn't that be better than, well, here... in reality?"

Again, Luna chuckled.

"Yes, but you're not asleep... I know sleep, Miss Cheerilee. It's far off for you. The waking world is as much my domain after the sun goes down as is dream. Talking about this trouble might make you feel better... I know what happened, or at least the version ponies have told me who were not there. I seldom extend this opportunity -- this is your chance to have my ear without appointment. Our ear. I've leafed through your records as a teacher... you've received a few commendations, but never have had anything this horrendous happen while you were teaching."

"Horrendous is right," replied the teacher, with a slight wince. "It's over now, though..."

"Tell me what happened. Why did it happen?"

Cheerilee swallowed hard.

"You... won't judge me?"

Luna shook her head.

"I will not."

"Okay..." Cheerilee took a breath, finding herself looking at the floor. She glanced up one time. "I'll tell you... I don't really want to, but I will."

"Speak then... Our time is yours."


* * *


Cheerilee spoke and Luna listened, remaining still and attentive, occasionally nodding. She told the story exactly as it happened... and Luna did not interrupt with prodding questions. When she got to the end, though she was under the Night Princess's accepting gaze... Cheerilee broke down. The wound of losing Snails was still fresh in her mind, having happened not seven hours before.

"Luna, I did everything I could..." Cheerilee took a deep breath. "I looked into Dinky's eyes and dove. She looked so scared, I just wanted to make it better. To protect her... but I lost a student."

The Princess nodded.

"How do you know Snails is dead? Could the bird not have just dropped him on the way to its nest? He could always be lost in the forest, injured but alive."

The Alicorn levitated a box of tissues from a dresser top towards Cheerilee, setting it on her bed. The teacher took one and blew her nose hardily.

"I know from what I studied when I was younger," the teacher replied, in a nasal voice. "The bird that took him is almost unheard of -- a black relic that goes after unicorns, takes them away so no pony can stop it as it cracks their skulls with its beak to get at their magic. Luna, I feel so awful for Snails and his father. It never should have happened."

"Perhaps not, but as cold as this may sound, Cheerilee, what's done is done. I know you teach over twenty students... many of them unicorns. Did you not have to protect them, as well?"

"Well, it's true... all of my unicorn students were in great danger."

"And just two were exposed?"

"Well, yes... but-"

"You had the choice to save just one or the other?"

Cheerilee bit her lip.

"No! I- That's not at all what happened." She took another tissue. "Again, I- I... I saved Dinky because she looked at me. She looked so helpless, I dove in to protect her. I didn't think about anything other than keeping her safe."

"The look of fear in a foal's eyes is a great motivator for any caretaker. You've told me about Dinky... but what about Snails? Tell me again... what shape was he in?"

Cheerilee took a sudden interest in her floor.

"He was worse off. He looked out of it, deafened, bleeding from the ears... ready to collapse under his own weight."

"Then why not help him instead? Merely tell Dinky to duck under a bench?"

Cheerilee looked up at the Alicorn.

"Honestly... I don't know."

Again, Luna smiled, this time compassionately.

"You saved a life, Miss Cheerilee... the bird would've killed her. I know this bird of which you speak. Thousands of years ago they were rampant, out of control and killing Our subjects, but the more time progresses, the more their numbers diminish. Celestia and I have seen to it to keep Equestria safe for all unicorns... but we are not infallible and neither are you. You know why you chose to save Dinky over Snails, Miss Cheerilee. You have told me twice."

"Princess Luna, I don't know what you're-"

"Yes, you do. I ask that do not delude yourself. While you are still in a state of shock, this will haunt you for a very long time if we do not deal with it tonight."

"But..."

Luna turned towards the window, looking out at the full moon.

"Cheerilee, you injured another student, Rainbow Dash's protégé Scootaloo, to keep them safe... say you broke her tail in two places?"

"I'll tell you exactly what I told the officers... she was going to be fine! I had to make room under the table for Dinky and Snails."

Luna looked back.

"Dinky and Snails, you say." She smiled at the teacher. "You did what you had to do... you made a calculated decision to keep them safe. You are a natural, borne leader, Miss Cheerilee. This is what leaders, at times, must do."

"I don't follow."

"Tell me... what type of student is Dinky?"

Cheerilee thought for a moment.

"Well... she certainly is a strong filly, who cares a lot about others."

"Empathic?"

"Quite... it looked like she was trying to defuse the issue between Scootaloo and Snails this afternoon."

Luna smiled.

"Is she not intelligent?"

"Well, she's certainly quite bright. Not my star pupil, that's definitely Twist, but... I've never had any problems with her."

"Then how is Scootaloo as a student?"

Cheerilee put a hoof to the back of her neck, looking away.

"She's... okay. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, that's a club she and two other students formed, tend to be a little distractable... no more than any other little groups of students I've had before, though."

"And how well did Snails do in your class?"

Cheerilee fell silent... letting out a sigh. She looked up at Luna and chuckled.

"Do we really have to do this?"

"No, but I am curious as to your perception of him."

"He..." Cheerilee looked into the Princess's compassionate eyes. "He was never the first to catch on whenever I'd bring out a new lesson or idea. I had to have meetings with his father about it. We never could come to an agreement about what to do."

"Did he seem in his own world?"

"No more than most other students I've had." Luna stared at Cheerilee, the Alicorn's eyes piercing into her. "Okay, he was one of the most dense students I've ever had, and that's really saying something! What does this have to do with anything?"

"You made a choice, Miss Cheerilee. You had no other option or another student could die. The bird could even have killed you to get to that student... you know it would, if given no other choice."

Cheerilee looked up at Luna, the whites of her eyes shining in the faint light.

"Wait a minute... are you suggesting I sacrificed Snails's life?"

Luna sighed, a look of sympathy in her eye.

"You and I may discuss this further if you wish. In the end you might rationalize it away, but it would be on your mind regardless of whether or not I came here tonight. I am suggesting, Miss Cheerilee, that you did not wish to... but you had to. You did it to protect Dinky and the rest of your class, just as you decided Scootaloo's tail was less important than the lives of Dinky or Snails."

"Hey!" Cheerilee rose to her hooves on her bed. "There's a big difference between the life of a foal and maybe breaking one's tail to save the rest! It's my job to keep them safe when we're out on a field trip and I did my best!"

"Precisely. You chose between the life of one exceptional student, who could easily be a leader when she grows up and another, whom needs help with more basic tasks... among the 'densest students you've ever taught' in your own words. Was Dinky not trying to deescalate the argument between Scootaloo and Snails when you first walked up? Two students were there to say the flowers were a color other than what he saw, and yet he insisted-"

"It was something I never picked up on! How was I supposed to know Snails was color-blind?"

Luna turned towards the window and spread her wings.

"Because every ounce of energy you ever put into him was just to keep him afloat in your classroom. It is hard to teach a student, much less more than twenty, with one monopolizing so much time."

Hearing this, Cheerilee's face contorted.

"I did not let Snails die!"

The teacher put both hooves to her mouth, eyes wide. She was aware of what she had just denied so vehemently... and how everything she denied so far had proven to be true. Tears were streaming down her face, visible to the Alicorn in the faint light. She slumped back down and fell silent, exhausted.

Luna turned around and approached... touching Cheerilee with a foreleg. She smiled.

"You did not let Snails die... you would have protected him if you could, but you could not protect them all. You made a choice to protect Dinky... not for Snails to lose his life. You love them all so very much, I can feel that in the way you speak of them. There are times in the past where Celestia and I have had to make the same choices with Our subjects... it never gets easier and one hopes to never have to make that choice again, but as a leader... there are times you must. It is calculating, not cold."

Cheerilee sat there, rocking, forelegs pulled in against her body.

"Cheerilee, you did right today. Your feelings of self-betrayal will fade in time, I assure you."

The teacher looked up at the Alicorn and wrapped both forelegs around her barrel.

"You are a leader." Luna smiled. "I can stay here all night if that is what you wish."

Cheerilee made eye-contact with Luna and let out a sigh.

"Princess Luna..."

"Say what you wish, Miss Cheerilee, completely unfiltered. Perhaps you wish to know why I came here?"

Cheerilee nodded slowly.

Luna pulled away, turning towards the big window again. She spread her wings, looking back with a smile.

"I came to hear your side of the story, and be sure you didn't allow your student to die. From notes sent this evening Celestia and I know approximately where the bird resides. We're planning to destroy it on first morning's light as it rests in the brief span between my night and her day... when it is most vulnerable. That will make one less bird to terrorize our subjects... meaning Snails' death was not in vain. His magic, freshly consumed, will help Us find it, as well as his remains. With that said, do you wish me to leave you in peace?"

Cheerilee nodded again.

"Princess Luna, I appreciate you doing this, but-"

Again, Luna smiled.

"You do not need to explain yourself if that is your desire. Farewell Miss Cheerilee... I hope the next time I see you you are in better spirits."

Without another word Princess Luna leapt from Cheerilee's window and flew off. The teacher was left sitting on her bed in a fetal position, barely rocking... wondering what the heck had just happened. She felt vulnerable, betrayed by her own Princess (in her own bedroom no less), yet she felt more like she had done the right thing than before Luna had arrived. It would just take time for her to process everything.

Again, all the teacher had was herself... the only pony she had to spend eternity with. Even now knowing the truth as it was for sure, it would be a long, restless night.