The scene at Fluttershy's cottage spoke to me as rather odd. Fluttershy was standing by timidly attempting to get the attention of the Crusaders, who were rather enamored with the idea of playing tag on a tree. Scootaloo was definitely the one who was it, as she chased the other two around and around the branches, deftly avoiding them and even using them to propel themselves forward. One wouldn't think hooved people could climb as well as they did, but I suppose there was no reason they couldn't.
But poor Fluttershy was seemingly helpless, calling up to them to "Please be careful." It was as if she was stuck between their safety and their fun.
As for myself, I couldn't help but think how outrageous this all was. I just got there and something weird was already happening. What's wrong with playing regular tag in this wide, spacious front yard? Was that not extreme enough? Kids.
Regardless, the fillies would be distracted for a little while, and that was good enough for me. I walked up to Fluttershy and paid little attention to the playful children. "I'm back, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy jumped in surprise at my voice, but relaxed a moment later. "Oh Twilight, you scared me. Did you need anything?"
"Well, I came here to help you, but it looks like everything is under control."
Fluttershy looked up the tree with frightful anticipation. "I hope they don't fall. That would be so awful!"
I wasn't quite as worried about it. "If they fall from that height, they'll only be sore for a few minutes. I think they'll be fine."
Fluttershy tensed. "But I don't want them to get hurt! Rarity would be so upset!"
I patted her shoulder in consolation. "Calm down, Fluttershy. Relax, if they fall, I'll catch them with my telekinesis. Trust me when I say that they'll be fine."
Fluttershy visibly relaxed, but she still looked concerned. "Well, okay, if you're sure."
"I'm positive." I assured her. "We just need to keep your mind off of possible mishaps." I quickly thought of something I've wanted to know for a little while. "You want to talk about animals or something? I'm curious to know how you're so good with them."
Fluttershy smiled. "It's not so hard. I just need to win their trust with a little kindness, that's all."
"Is that it? Because I had a cat this one time, and I couldn't even get near him without him running away or stop him from running off with my socks."
Fluttershy blushed. "Um... could we not talk about socks?"
I was curious as to why socks would be a forbidden subject, but I gave no outward indication of that aside from a quirked eyebrow. "Sure. But what do you do about unruly animals? Surely you can't just bribe them."
"I try not to scold them, since I only need to remind them to be nice. They might sometimes be a little rowdy, but they're sweethearts deep down."
I recalled a time when a seagull stole my hotdog, and couldn't help but feel that Fluttershy was wrong. "Uh huh. And what about the creatures that don't listen?"
Fluttershy shrunk back. "Uhm, I don't like to do it, but sometimes I need to use The Stare"
"What's 'The Stare'? Is that some kind of pleading look?"
Fluttershy opened her mouth to answer, but a girly scream got our attention, where we saw Sweetie Belle fall from the top of the tree. I powered up my horn to catch her, but Fluttershy beat me to the punch as she zoomed up to her and caught her. That was very impressive speed for a pegasus that rarely flies. "Oh my, are you okay, Sweetie Belle?"
Sweetie Belle sweetly smiled up at Fluttershy. "I'm okay. Thanks for catching me, Fluttershy!"
Fluttershy looked pleased. "You're welcome, Sweetie, but I think we should stop playing in trees for now. How about we all go inside?"
"Okay!" The Crusaders easily agreed. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo hopped out of the tree from the branches, perfectly demonstrating my point, and ran into the house.
We followed them in, and the Crusaders entered a group discussion. "So, what're we gonna do fer our Cutie Marks?" Apple Bloom asked. I zoned them out immediately. I mean, it's not like any discussion about a societal norm would become important later, or anything. Instead, I wanted to ask about The Stare.
"So, I believe you were about to explain what The Stare was."
Fluttershy turned her attention back to me. "Oh, yes. You see, I have this ability to pacify animals with a look. It's called The Stare because it looks like I'm staring really hard."
Speaking of staring, I was incredulous. "Huh." Fluttershy was good with animals, likes staying indoors, and has a hypnotizing gaze? This all sounded very fishy. "Fluttershy, are you a vampire?"
Fluttershy squeaked nervously. "W-what? N-no, of course not! If I were a vampony, how could I walk in the sunlight?"
That's what I wanted to know. "I guess you have a point. Besides, it's not like your fridge is conveniently stocked with 'tomato juice', or anything."
Fluttershy's smile widened suspiciously. "Yes. Tomato juice."
We locked gazes for quite a while; growing suspicion against nervous smiling. Fluttershy was hiding something, and I couldn't imagine what. Still, I wasn't about the one to blow the lid off it, so I was willing to let it go. "Rrrright. Anyway, I'm sure there's an interesting story behind that Stare of yours."
Fluttershy's smile was less forced now, obviously glad at the change in subject. "Yes there is! When I was a filly, I-" A nearby cuckoo clock startled Fluttershy and interrupted her story before it could even begin. "Ah! I still have to feed the animals!" She ran off into her kitchen.
I sighed. I took one look at the Crusaders, noting that they were still discussing potential activities. Good, at least one thing was going right: the kids weren't bothering me.
I trudged after Fluttershy in her kitchen. She was mixing an assortment of vegetables into a bowl, and placed a single cherry tomato on top surrounded by carrot slices. Fluttershy spun around to trot past me, but she stopped as I was in her way. I stepped out of the doorway, but Fluttershy didn't move by. "Actually, could you give this to Angel Bunny?" She asked. "He should be upstairs taking a nap on my bed."
"Sure." I said, ready and willing to help. I levitated the bowl out of her hooves.
"Great! Oh, and if the door is closed, just knock and he'll come out for you."
"Alright." While Fluttershy went out the back door to presumably feed the other animals hanging out around there, I went through the living room. The Crusaders were arguing about something I wasn't immediately aware of. Ignoring them, I went upstairs and found the door to the bedroom closed.
I raised my hoof to knock, but I stopped when I heard a faint but familiar sound. It sounded like the cheers of a stadium scrambled by minor static. Instead of knocking at the door, I silently opened it to investigate the noise.
It was exactly what I thought it sounded like, which only made me more confused: it was a sports broadcast from an older-looking wooden radio (you know, the ones that look like jukeboxes). Finding a working radio in Equestria wasn't so weird since I knew movies existed, so that wasn't the weird part. The weird part was the audience, which seemingly consisted of Fluttershy's entire menagerie. Families of mice, chipmunks, birds, and even a bear were all huddled around the quiet radio.
The cheers from the radio intensified as the commentator excitedly narrated the events of the football game. "Touchdown!" Cheered the announcer. The animals took this news greatly, for they all hopped excitedly and high-fived each other, chittering in celebration. A single white rabbit, who I presumed was Angel, turned from his seat in the front and made like he was going to say something celebratory, but he froze like a statue when he looked directly at me. The cheering and whooping stopped when the others saw Angel's reaction, and they all turned to face me.
All was dead silent, save for the continued broadcasting. All I could do was look among the animals and wonder what I should do. I settled on placing the salad within the room and slowly closing the door.
Should I bring this up with someone? I shook my head. I don't think anyone would believe me. Just another thing to take to the grave, I guess.
I stepped downstairs to find the Crusaders doing something else crazy. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were snickering at Scootaloo, which was understandable, seeing as how the little pegasus had her head in a vase.
"See?" Scootaloo said, her voice muffled by the ceramic. "I told you I could fit my head in here!"
"Yeah, you sure showed us!" Sweetie broke into a fit of giggles.
"What?"
"She said that ya sure showed us!" Apple Bloom yelled.
"Oh. Yeah, I totally did!" Scootaloo pulled at the vase. "Uh oh." She tugged at it again. "Urrg! Uh, I think it's stuck."
I face-palmed. This is why you don't do stupid things. "Alright, let me deal with this."
"What?" Scootaloo asked again.
I sighed. "Nothing. Just hold on."
"Let's pull it off!' Apple Bloom declared.
"No!" I quickly intervened. "That's a terrible idea! You could break her neck like that!"
I thought for a moment what to do. We could get some butter, but I didn't want to spend a lot of time searching the kitchen for it. So, did I have any spells that could help? I did, actually. Since the vase was too small for her head to escape, then we need to make the vase bigger! I placed my hooves on either side of the vase, and cast my Enlarge Object spell. The vase doubled in size and released its hold on the poor filly. I hefted the vase to my side and shrunk it back down. With that, my mission was accomplished.
"Hey, thanks!" Scootaloo said graciously.
"Why'd you put your head in a vase?" I asked tiredly. This day was already running long.
"Cause Sweetie didn't think I could do it."
"I said I didn't think you should do it, Scoots." Sweetie corrected.
"Well, yeah, same difference."
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, and glanced towards the kitchen for Fluttershy. She wasn't back just yet, which left me stuck with the children. Crap. In need of some way to bide my time with these kids, I thought of something that could keep them occupied. If I didn't, they might stick their heads into something more dangerous. My mind immediately went to the thing they seemed the most excited about. "So... how about those Cutie Marks, eh? Gotta love those things."
"Yeah!" Apple Bloom spoke up. "There's just one problem: we don't have one."
"Well, I'm sure you'll get them when you're older."
"Ugh, every grown up says that!" Scootaloo bemoaned.
"Yeah! I mean, it's not like we aren't trying!" Sweetie agreed.
"Trying for what?" I asked, thinking there was a change of subject I missed.
"Trying to get our cutie marks!" Scootaloo asserted. "Geez, it's like you aren't paying attention."
So you have to earn a cutie mark? How does that work? What's the purpose of a cutie mark, and why were they suddenly so important? "What do you have to do to get a cutie mark?"
The Crusaders stared at me in silence. Something about my question just shocked them into a catatonic state from which there was only one escape: yelling in disbelief. Apple Bloom went first. "WHAT? How can a grown pony not know how to get a cutie mark?"
"That makes no sense!" Sweetie proclaimed.
"I thought I had problems! You have way more!" Scootaloo exclaimed.
"Do you even have a cutie mark?" Sweetie asked, sounding worried over some probability that was lost on me.
"Yeah..." I said, taking in this sudden turn. I wasn't quite sure what the big deal was. Perhaps I should figure this stuff out at some point.
"But how can you have a cutie mark but not know how to get one?" Scootaloo asked, confused. "If you don't know how you got it, then how are we supposed to be able to figure it out?"
I shrugged. "I dunno, I just found out I got it at some point." Back to technical truths, I love it.
"What do you even have for a cutie mark?" Sweetie asked.
"It's some kinda star." Apple Bloom answered for me.
"Doesn't that mean you got it for looking at stars, or something?" Scootaloo inquired.
Thinking on it, that would be the best excuse. After all, it's not like it could mean anything else. Stars were pretty single purpose. "Yes, my cutie mark is based on astronomy. I specialize in constellations or something."
"Really? Wow, I like stargazing! What's your favorite constellation?" Sweetie smiled curiously.
I was wide-eyed, panicking at the quick way this all turned on me. It was a shame that I knew next to nothing about stars. "Uh, Orion's Belt?"
Sweetie stared with the same expression on her face, but I could tell she didn't comprehend my answer. "I don't know what that is."
"Wait, we're getting sidetracked!" Scootaloo said, bring us back on topic. "Since even an adult doesn't know how to get a cutie mark, we have to face the fact that we can't know how to get ours!"
"Then what are we gonna do?" Apple Bloom asked.
"We're going to have to keep trying!" Scootaloo declared. "Somewhere out there is a talent waiting for us, and the only way to which one it is, is to try them all!"
"Yeah, we'll definitely figure it out!" Sweetie concurred.
"And we'll do it together!" Apple Bloom chimed in.
The three of them inhaled deeply, and shouted in unison. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS, TOGETHER FOREVER!"
I took a few moments to let my hearing recover from the assault, and observed the fillies. Not only were they proclaiming their friendship, but they were cementing it with a group hug. From their display of affection, I could tell that these three would be friends forever. It was sweet.
Like, cloyingly sweet.
Just like that, their moment was over. They broke apart and spoke amongst themselves for ideas on activities.
"Have we tried bed testers, yet?" Sweetie asked.
"Boring! We should do something way more exciting than that!" Scootaloo declined.
"Martial artists?" Apple Bloom suggested, posing like a stereotypical karate guy.
"I don't like the idea of hurting ponies." Sweetie said.
"Heh, I like that idea." I chuckled to myself.
Fortunately, none of them listened to me. Scootaloo moved on to her next idea. "How about acrobats?" She jumped up into the air for a nice back flip. But then I noticed where her trajectory would lead her, and I immediately knew that she would smash into the table. In a panic, I pushed the table out of the way with my magic. Scootaloo didn't split through the table like it was the WWE, but she did smack right into the floor on her back.
"Is this all really necessary?" I asked. "I get wanting a rad cutie mark, but do you really have to jump through tables and hurt yourselves? Besides, what does any of this have to do with getting tattoos stamped on our butts?"
Scootaloo finished recovering from her fall just in time to gape once more at the dunce who kept digging his hole. "Are ya'll serious?" Apple Bloom gasped. "Do ya not even know how ya get yer cutie mark?"
I thought of my response for a moment, thinking of how I could have possibly gotten a butt mark without knowing how it got there. "Well, I'll admit that I got wicked drunk a few times before I got it."
"So you got tipsy on too much special punch and woke up to find out that you had a cutie mark?" Sweetie asked for confirmation.
"If by special punch you mean various alcoholic beverages, then yeah, that about sums it up."
"That's whack." Scootaloo commented. "It's crazy to think that you earned your cutie mark when you couldn't even think straight."
I shrugged. "I don't understand what the big deal is. What makes these things so special, anyway?"
"They're a symbol of your special talent, of course!"
That explained little. "But what do you mean by 'earning' your cutie mark? Is it really that hard to get one?"
"It really is!" Sweetie complained. "We've been trying for months now, and we still haven't gotten ours!"
"And it's not as easy as going to a tattoo parlor?"
"What's a tattoo parlor?"
Oh, come on! How can tattoos not exist? "Then how do you get a cutie mark if they're not drawn onto you?"
"You discover your special talent!" Scootaloo said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Geez, how can you not know anything about cutie marks? Everypony knows this stuff!"
"I don't know, I just had mine one day!" Technically true. After all, I just got here one day. "But how does the mark appear? Does it just magically poof into existence, or what?"
"That's exactly what happens!" Apple Bloom claimed.
Seriously, they just appear from out of nowhere? Is there any upper limit for how insane Equestria is, or is it all downhill from here? Sweetie Belle was rubbing her chin thoughtfully, now. "It seems really strange that you don't know anything about cutie marks. In fact, I'm starting to think you don't even have a cutie mark." Her eyes narrowed upon my ass. "I want to see your cutie mark for myself."
I took a step back in wariness of her request. "Uh, I don't really feel comfortable removing any articles of clothing."
"Why not? We don't wear clothes normally, anyways." Apple Bloom asked.
Her question didn't give me any more confidence. "Because I'm self-conscious about my back side."
"Is that why you're hiding your cutie mark?" Sweetie asked.
"Well, it's not that I'm hiding my cutie mark, but rather I'm just being prepared for an inevitability." I explained.
"What inevitability?"
"For when I might need to cast a transformation on myself at a moment's notice." I answered.
Scootaloo's eyes lit up with wonder. "Ooh, does that mean you can turn into a creature?"
I scratched the back of my head. "Well, technically I already am, but yeah."
Scootaloo hopped up with excitement. "Can you turn into a pegasus?"
"Just a pegasus? Child's play." I boasted.
"Can you turn into Rainbow Dash?"
"I, er, well I can turn into a facsimile of Rainbow Dash."
"Facsimile? Don't that mean a comparison using 'like' or 'as'?" Apple Bloom asked with confusion.
"No, that's a simile." Sweetie corrected. "A facsimile is like a copy."
Scootaloo scoffed playfully. "What would we do without Sweetie Belle, the walking dictionary?"
Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo for a moment, but turned her attention to me. "Okay, but that can't be why you wear those weird tights. What else can you turn into?"
"Oh, if you wanted to know what transformation the tights are for, I can just show you. Do you know what a human is?"
"Ain't they those hairless apes that miss Lyra goes nuts about?"
I nodded at Apple Bloom's question. "Ah, you know Lyra, too. But yes, the very same creatures." It felt weird talking about my own species as something mythical, whereas being a unicorn felt routine by this point. "Behold, the majesty of the human being!"
My horn flashed with power, and I grew up and outwards into my human form, the tights seemingly constricting me in my slightly larger form. I opened my eyes in a cross-legged sitting position, with my arms held out in showy dramatics. I smiled, for the Crusaders gasped in surprise and awe. It was satisfying to see someone so inspired by something I could do.
"Cool!" Scootaloo exclaimed. "Can you turn us into something, too?"
"Yeah! Can you, can you?" The others piped in.
I chuckled at their enthusiasm. "I probably can. Who wants to be what?"
"Me first, me first!" The three of them yelled in unison.
I chuckled again. "Okay, settle down kids. I'll just go from left to right. Apple Bloom, what do you wanna be?"
"Can ya turn me into a zebra?"
"And here I thought you'd want to make it difficult on me." I commented boastfully. I channeled the power into my hand and touched her. Apple Bloom's form flashed into white, and the light died down from her sudden change. When she came into view once more, she looked over her new white and black striped form with an excited smile.
She shot her head back up to me, her identically styled mane (now black) bounced and her orange eyes showing great joy. "Wow, that's really cool!"
"Thanks." I said with a smile of my own. I turned to Sweetie Belle. "What would you like to be?"
"Can you turn me into a cat?"
I tilted my head back at the odd request. "That's it, just a cat?"
"What? I just want to know what it's like!" She said in her defense.
I shrugged my indifference. "Whatever, it's your choice." Now, not being a total dick, I wasn't going to turn her into some ordinary cat. She would have had trouble talking to us for the fifteen allotted minutes of my spell. No, I made a few alterations in my head, substituting a few dweomers here and there to modify speech, and cast the spell.
Sweetie opened her eyes to find herself as an American Curl, with an admittedly adorable combination of white paws and belly with a gradient pattern of light purple and bright pink along the top of her head, her back, and the tip of her tail. Sweetie looked up at me with those killer green eyes and spoke with a meowing dialect. "Hey, this feels pretty neat."
She sat still for a moment in silence, but soon wondered why everything was quiet. She looked to the Crusaders to either side of her, who were now twice her size. The others were fighting losing battles with their smiles, and quickly broke down into spontaneous hugs. Their target: pony turned cat, Sweetie Belle. They let out long "awww's" and smiled to the displeasure of a surprised kitty. She sputtered out in protest. "Ah! Stop, it's too sudden!"
I held back my laughter long enough to break it up. "Alright, I think she's had enough, girls. Besides, it's Scootaloo's turn."
Scootaloo dutifully let go of Sweetie Belle, leaving her in Apple Bloom's hooves. She was still busy hugging her friend. "How about you turn me into a human, too?" Scootaloo suggested.
"You got it." I channeled my power and went to touch her head, but I stopped. I was hesitant to continue onwards, once I remembered how my first experience with human transformation went. "Erm, tell you what: I'll cast this spell on you if you agree to wear a towel around you for the duration of the spell's effects."
Scootaloo's excitement fell into confusion. "Huh, why?"
"Just... a precaution. Don't think too hard about it."
"Okay." She answered uncertainly.
I went into Fluttershy's bathroom and brought back a towel for Scootaloo. Once she had it secured around her, I no longer felt icky about casting this spell. So I did, and Scootaloo transformed before our eyes into a short orange human with the same style of purple hair. My foresight was rather prudent, as I didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable as I could have been for obvious reasons.
"Huh, this is pretty awesome." Scootaloo noted idly as she looked herself over. She held up her hands and wiggled her fingers. "Whoa, this is freaky." I huffed at that. "Are we supposed to use these for walking, or what?"
"Actually, those are for grabbing things." I explained. "Human locomotion is bipedal, so you need to walk on your 'hindlegs' only. Go ahead, give it a try."
Scootaloo followed my advice and unsteadily stood up. Her legs wobbled with her alien sense of balance, and she fell on her face trying to compensate for her new center of gravity. "Ow."
"Yeah, it takes some getting used to." I admitted. I hopped up and stretched to my sides. "But with practice, this form can do some amazing things."
Fluttershy chose an interesting moment to return from her chores. She opened the door to find me mid-stretch in front of another little human girl, a zebra, and a new kitty cat. "Oh, um, hi! Who are these three, human Twilight?"
"These are the Crusaders!" I announced, standing up straight. "They just look a little different."
"Yeah, Twilight turned me into a zebra!" Apple Bloom yelled with a hop.
"I feel sleepy. Are cats usually this sleepy?" Sweetie inquired aloud.
"I'm not sure I like being a human." Scootaloo said, rubbing her face free of pain.
I scoffed lightheartedly. "Heresy."
Fluttershy smiled at the four of us. "Well, you seem like you're having fun together."
"Yeah, we are." I said. Then I realized what I said. I was having fun. With kids. Oh my God, when did I stop hating kids? Was this an instance of Equestria being better than Earth again, or was it just that I was changing? I had no way of telling, but at some point I just stopped caring.
Fluttershy snapped me out of my thoughts. "Um, Twilight? Are you okay? You look intense."
I shook my head. "No, it's just that I realized that my life is changing in so many ways."
"Oh. Well, it should be supper time now. Who wants some soup?" She asked us all.
"What, we're at a sleepover and we're not getting pizza?" I asked in mock disappointment. "I'm pretty sure there's a rule against that."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want pizza?"
I shrugged nonchalantly. "I'd love to have a few slices. How about the rest of you?"
"Yeah!" The Crusaders replied immediately.
"Then it looks like I'm going on a pizza run." I observed.
"Okay, I'll go get some bits, then." Fluttershy offered.
"No need, Fluttershy. I'll be dropping by my house, anyway. I'll pick up some money on my way to the pizza place."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. What does everyone want on it?"
"Hay bacon!" Apple Bloom yelled.
"Black olives!" A presently carnivorous Sweetie Belle added.
"Garlic!" Scootaloo chimed.
"Um, veggies?" Fluttershy offered.
"Supreme it is!" I announced. I stepped outside and cast my flight spell on myself. I took on a pair of purple bat wings yet again. "I'll be back with food and stuff!" I jumped into the air and soared away.
On my way home, I thought about what kind of things I could get while I'm out. Money was the obvious choice, but I could bring something else, too. Perhaps I should bring a board game and/or some dessert. Yeah, I could make a quick stop for some ice cream, and maybe bring back one of the myriad of games I have in my basement. Oh, and I can't forget about Spike! Gotta let him know where I am and get him something to eat. He can take care of himself, I know, but I'm still going to take care of him.
I soared over Ponyville and caught sight of my destination. Food, activities, and fun! Those were my priorities for making this sleepover fun for everyone. Strangely enough, I believed this children's sleepover would be one that even I could enjoy.