Separation

by Maneiac

Canterlot Bound Part Four

        
        My mood saw no progress in alleviating itself of its foul air, the swirling mass of tension and inwardly-boiling wrath proving to constrict my lungs tightly enough for two things to happen. For one, it promoted a sense of slight asphyxiation, making my breaths come as hollow and quick as bees floating from holes in hollow logs. I was sure Sunset could hear it, but it mattered little to me in that moment, for my mind was upon deeper, darker things.

        The second event was one that I had trouble coping with; it was a desire to assert myself over her, and that alone conflicted heavily with who I was as a person. Thinking back to before all of this happened: the time before the body-swap, and further back than when I had discovered a passion for videogames and other digital media. It was a time where I remembered the ferocity and apathy of my everyday life; where I had to be the top dog, even if I was only telling myself that for the sense of safety and security it brought.

        The Four Suits Mafia: it was my home away from home, and that ring of organized crime was a hub for my darkest ambitions to see the light, away from shame and other things of that nature. There wasn’t any villains, bad guys, or just common street thugs doing whatever they wished; it was a family of misguided fools, living life as if there were no constraints or reparations for their actions. And I was the main one indulging in that lie, filling my belly with rotten scraps of self-importance, and drinking the spoiled wine of arrogance.

“Cease this moping at once, Richards; you’re a stronger man than you let on, and your father would be spinning in his grave should he learn of your walk with lowered head presently.” Chastising myself within my consciousness, it was here that my angular head was lifted hesitantly; for I knew what lied deep inside my heart at the moment as my eyes met the back of Sunset’s head, and it was something I would rather not deal with presently. “Let it seep from you; that drive to kill and destroy, and to see the house you’ve built submerged in the ashes of your new life without more restraints. As a human, you adhered to Jackie Spades, who was the boss of your little mafia group... but here? Here, you are free with no limitations; it’s a scary thought, perfect freedom. It changes men into beasts, and beasts often turn to demons.”

        “This won’t do...” I mumbled to myself, hoping to ease the whirlwind of calming thoughts and fatal undertones carried underneath each one. Catching sight of Sunset giving me a slight glance of her beautiful eyes, I knew she had heard me through my attempt of concealing my words. Knowing her so well, there was no doubt in my turmoil-stricken mind that we will have words once inside the cabin. “These thoughts will not leave me the hell alone...” Growling to myself, I’d watch as Sunset took the left in that familiar fork in the dirt road; we had entered the forest and covered half the distance to her cabin, and I had missed multiple chances to choose my words carefully for when we’d reach that destination.

        Cursing myself underneath my breath, the claws stationed in my pant pockets would slowly remove themselves and take up rest on the back of my head. I knew that this paltry way of alleviating tension wouldn’t suffice, but it was all I could do in order to keep myself sane for now. Tearing those eyes off the back of my girlfriend’s head reluctantly, I had to to keep telling myself that these thoughts were not how I lived my life presently. “That life of violence has been left behind, and I had hoped the hatchet would be run-over with topsoil by now. Unfortunately, Granite Podium has proved to be much like the resurfacing of an Achilles's Heel; a constant and always-faithful reminder to the beast which lurks directly within that Spark of yours. There is no outrunning it, Justin; it is there, and it is up for you at the crack of dawn, to the soft caress of moonlight.”

“SHUT UP!” It happened all too quickly - my outburst - and it startled Sunset enough to have that golden horn of hers fire a condensed beam of unicorn magic straight through an evergreen, leaving a burning crater making crackling sounds with some form of blue residue sticking around its edges. I, myself, was heaving heavily; each breath was like an arm-pump around my heart, constricting my chest as I panted like some form of wretched street-mutt. My vibrant hair had draped itself across my face, filling my vision with nothing else but a sky-blue curtain as I heard hooves shift to let a head face me.

“Silas, what in the hell is wrong with you!? You nearly scared me half to death!” Sunset’s chiding voice did nothing for my mood at the moment, so I chose to ignore it for the time being. She would get her answer, but it would be when my mind was in the right place and not lingering on what’s already transpired.

It took a couple of moments among the winter-laden forest, but eventually, I found myself once more. Taking a deep breath of that crisp and sharp cold air, I used a claw to sweep back my hair so that I could look at my girlfriend with a stoic expression. “... I’m fine, Sunset. There’s just a lot of things on my mind right now, and I’d prefer to leave the cold before addressing them.” It didn’t take a genius to recognize the disbelief etched onto her features, and I knew everything flowing from my mouth at that moment was not being taken at face value to her.

“And for good reason. You’re doing nothing but beating around the pissed-on bush, and that territorial marking was never your own to begin with.” Snarling, I placed a claw to the side of my head and dropped the other to my side, walking past Sunset with a huff. “... My head’s killing me right now. I ain’t even angry anymore. I’m just... done,” I spoke with finality in each word, my steps cracking the dead branches and frozen leaves underneath the heels of my draconian feet. “I want to lie down, possibly check on Siri and Judgement later on. I’m just done, okay?”

“You’re done with responsibility, not with the situation. Who would have thought that underneath that tall frame and otherworldly charisma, there would be such a coward and braggart? All you do is run, Richards; it’s harder to do now that you’re a dragon, the very pinnacle of stalwartness and pride. You should be finding all of this humorous, mate.” I practically ripped Sunset’s door off its hinges once my ascent up those wooden steps was complete, the wooden entrance banging loudly on the inside wall once having completed its trajectory.

There was no hesitance in my stride when I banked a quick right, heading straight for her room even though I heard the sucking of teeth right behind me. “I understand you’re upset, Silas, but don’t break my fucking house! Who do you think ends up having to repair all this shit?” It was understandable - her callout in supreme annoyance - and I realized how much of an unequivocal ass I had become during my brief walk back into her room.

I payed it no mind, however, and sought the comfort of her linens with my backside while resting those husky forearms of mine on my legs. Everything felt unnaturally hot at the moment, and I knew it was from the unease in my very soul. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

The clopping of hooves directly to my right signaled the slow entering of my love, beseeching my head to give way in looking upon her slender form. Those crystalline eyes stared back into my own, and in hers, I could see the very definition of worry and regret - no doubt the same being reflected in my own orbs. Tentatively did she approach me, and it was at that time where I realized she was... afraid of me.

“S-Silas... can we talk?” The question was not one that someone sure of themselves would say it in. I could feel and taste the trepidation and the shuddering hidden with the very marrow of her bones, and it shook me to the core-being of my very self to know I did this to her. “You didn’t seem yourself back in the forest, and if there’s anything I can help you with... just know that I’m here for you, alright?”

Sighing deeply, I drummed my fingertips upon the bed and scooted back a bit more, flicking my gaze over to the couch briefly in order to study where my feet laid upon its arm every night so my legs didn’t just curve over the edge of the bed. Comfort reached into me then and there, filling me with a sense of calm as I faced the torn features of my love once more. “I know, Sunset, it’s just that ever since Granite Podium...” I trailed off, looking down at my claws once she tilted her head, balling them up into tight fists as I heard the scales stretch to accommodate the new tension.

“I’ve been restless and irritable the past couple of days, Shimms. Sleep doesn’t come easy, and when it does, it’s filled with screaming, slashing, snarling, and death. Gore splatters the walls, bodies stand as monoliths to my own twisted sense of justice and salvation; meanwhile, I’m laughing with my war-ax held firmly in my right claw, decapitating anyone that gets too close,” I say with a slow shake of my head once hearing Sunset’s breath catch in her throat. “Back before you knew me, and perhaps back before this event transpired... I was violent by nature, and revelled in the misery I could bring others just to cure my day of its monotonous boredom. That’s the honest truth, and it’s out there for you to take how you see fit.”

At that moment, I feared what I said was too much for my love, because the silence that reigned supreme over the entirety of her bedroom after my little speech destroyed my will to be in here. It was as if the very world itself was contorting in on itself, slowly constricting and asphyxiating all within its cold grasp. Twas a violent contrast to the burning, stinging sensation within my lungs, but it hurt more than it should have.

Sunset’s hooves moving closer made me wince in recognition of what she was going to do; it’s what she always did when something she didn’t like occured, and that was either to ask questions or to yell at it. I could easily picture her - in this moment - to try for both, but I knew also that she wasn’t in the mood for such a thing. And that was especially evident by the way her face was currently skewed in worry, her beautiful eyes peering into the lowest corner of my heart to try and understand what I could be feeling at the moment.

“Silas... you’re the best thing that’s happened to my life in recent years. I...” Sunset trailed off, looking away while using a jingle of magic to maneuver a red comb over in order to rake through her hair with the slowest of paces. I could tell she was struggling with her words, so I opted to keep myself and my mind quiet in order to give my full attention. “I was in quite the dark place before you came, and the dogs made me do a lot of things I wasn’t proud of down there in Granite Podium. I knew you’d come along like some fabled knight and rescue me... but the memories are fresh within my own mind as well.”

Shifting a bit on her hooves, the unicorn mare I’ve come to adore so much peered back up at me with uneven tides in her eyes, reflecting the fluctuating emotion hidden deep within each syllable and glance she gave me. “The smell of burning flesh: the taste of sweat as we ran, the looks of despair, and the sound of crying foals looking upon the carcasses of their dead mothers and fathers.” Getting up on her back-hooves, the mare in my life placed her front ones on each side of my face gently, making me think on how she was able to reach my face considering our size difference.

“But through it all, the chance to be reunited with the one I wish to spend my life with prevailed over any negative thought that permeated my soul. You are special to me, just as I am to you, and so, we wish for each other to be as happy as either of us can make the other. It is through that line of thinking that we are still able to face one another, despite the horrors we’ve seen down in that hellhole.” Narrowing her eyes suddenly, it took me a while to realize she’d been crying this entire time, my eyes finally picking up on the slightly darker fur near the corners of her striking orbs. “That being said, Silas... you’d do well to know that I won’t lose you to your regrets, or whatever else might be dragging you down like this. My father is a licensed psychiatrist, and I’ll be scheduling a visit for you with him once we get to Canterlot.”

I sat there in stunned silence, eyes locked on hers for the longest time before I could summon the strength to move my mouth. Even though she was so thorough with that rebuttal, I knew all too well the plans and procedures that came with visiting a psychiatrist, and have never gotten along with mine after I killed the Sevenson family.

Turning my gaze onto her bed for but the briefest of seconds, I took this momentary lapse in time to calm myself of any doubts I could be having at the moment, before turning my attention back to the mare of my dreams with a knowing and apologetic smile on my face. “Alright, Sunny; I’ll see your Pop after we settle in at the royal castle, and I promise I’ll stop all these mopey sessions after getting the help I need.” I had no choice but to chuckle as she hopped onto my lap and nuzzled my chest, giving a pleased sigh while that large claw of mine rubbed her back in a soothing and loving manner.

“You have no idea how much this means to me, Silas. We’ve both been through hell, and it’ll be a while until we recover fully from the wounds this caused. I don’t know what else to tell you, other than I’ll be glad to stay with you every step of the way,” Sunset said happily, smiling wide enough to showcase a bit of her teeth, only to wince as she pokes my right pectoral with her long horn. While it didn’t hurt, the action seemed to have happened to others enough for her to wince and back up a bit. “Oops! Sorry about that, honey.”

Chuckling deeply, I patted the ‘offended’ area with my other claw while offering a wink of smugness. “Come now, Sunset. I’ve been poked with harder and sharper things since we’ve been together.” I smirked and slid my left set of long fingers against the healing abs from where those dogs jabbed me in the gut with their crude spears. “Had a bit of a run-in with some guards before meeting up with you, Donna, and Diamond. Three guards ended up hitting me in the stomach with those spears, and let me tell ya’, that shit still hurts like hell on wheels.” Removing my fingers with a deep sigh of contentment for being hit so easily, I placed my claws together right before bending a set of fingers back to crack the knuckles.

The sound was nigh euphoric, as was the relief that stemmed from the action, but Sunset winced at the sound of cracking bone as if that very sound was yanking her soul. Placing her right hoof on my chest, the unicorn drew small circles idly, earning my attention again. “We’ve a lot to train for... although it was a random occurrence, something tells me that Granite Podium is only the beginning, as much as that sucks to admit.”

Blinking once or twice in stunned shock, I looked down at Sunset with a raised eyebrow, curious as to where that line of thinking had originated from. “Well, that’s certainly a morbid line of thinking, dear heart,” I reasoned, sitting back some in order to allow Sunset the height advantage as she basically straddled me now. This warranted a quick flushing of dark-purple on my face, but I disregarded the higher temperatures for now, knowing my mare’s face to be taking on the same shading. “But you’re right in a way... and now’s a good time for us to work some things out.”

I could feel her suddenly shift those wide thighs of hers against my hips, both her front hooves digging into my chest a bit harder, making me think of someone with the available digits clinging on for some sense of security. “Or reassurance”, I grimly thought, but quickly pushed those thoughts out of my head.

“You saw me with him, didn’t you?”

Everything hazed for a second as I felt my draconian heart surge with rage and jealousy, even when I had no clue who she was referring to; the only thing I heard was ‘me’ and ‘him’ within her question, and I quickly started beating myself up for being so shallow in thinking she’d cheat on me with another guy so soon in our relationship. Taking the deepest breath since my life began, I closed my eyes for a second in order to dispel the tinge of red hugging the corners of my vision viciously.

“Who, Sunset,” I snapped out, my words like a whip, even though I tried my damnedest to keep my voice nominal. Of course, this brought her head reeling back a bit, her eyes wide and hurting somewhat as her left hoof removed itself from my chest.

“You haven’t met him, but he’s honestly a good guy, and I believe our time in Canterlot will be enhanced by his presence. He’s an old friend of mine that-” Sunet said, right before I interrupted her with a sharp cough and clearing of my throat.

Lifting my head, I raised my eyebrow, feeling that dragon sense of control and dominance seep through the marrow of my bones and into the bloodstream within my very veins. Just like myself, Sunset was able to pick up on the hidden meaning behind the gesture, and promptly turned her head to the side with a heavy, shaky sigh.

“... He’s my old boyfriend, okay? That’s all I’m saying on it right now,” Sunset droned out in a whisper, placing her left hoof back on my chest, but keeping her head turned away as if it’d help deal with the pain of her confession. “Please don’t ruin this tender moment between us right now with these questions.”

I wouldn’t stand to be deflected away by her display, oh no. Sitting up some more so that I could rest on my huge forearms, I gently lowered my eyelids into quite the effective but not-angry glare, pausing a bit before speaking to her very soul. “And his name?”

The words - to my vivid imagination - wrapped around her body starting at the neck, and then quickly slithered their tight embrace downwards, asphyxiating any will to keep the information hidden. I knew not what I was looking at, but in the back of my mind, I knew Io’s gift had something to do with my understanding of my words’ path.

Struggling within the deep confines of her pride and self-worth, I knew Sunset was going through the motions and evaluating whether or not to impart me with her knowledge of the stallion’s name. I also knew that - based on her choice - I’d finally get to see just how much my presence around her meant to me, and that would be quite beneficial to me seeing as how I planned to spend the rest of my life with her.

Parting her lips slowly, I could almost taste the trepidation and tension in each breath, the feelings almost diagnosing me with a nasty case of cottonmouth. But it also thrilled me to no end, because not only did I know have concrete evidence of her care for me, but I knew we could share anything with each other as long as there was enough strong-arming happening on either side of the spectrum. And it was with this revelation that I quietly awaited any sound from her parted lips, smirking along the utmost back-corners of my mouth.

“His name is Flash Sentry, and he’s a Royal Guard at the castle.”