After additional legitimate equine testing and still more tweaks to the design of his device, Bunsen Burner was ready to show his teleporter off. The timing couldn't have been better, as his apparatus was now going to be the main spectacle in an otherwise standard board meeting. It was also going to be the first time in two months he would see his former teacher face to face. The excitement he had to finally show off the fruits of his and the RSD’s labor was suitably dulled by the fact that he had to sit through the boring process of budgetary review along with Director Acumen, but he patiently held his tongue and waited. Margins, research grants, returns, and a great many financial niceties flew past him as the time ticked by, each meant very little to him and each quickly evaporated from his mind. He could barely stifle a yawn. He looked up towards the throne where she sat, his wise, kind mentor. He had a feeling she too was not very excited by the intricacies of the treasury system, but that she had mastered the art of looking attentive rather than being attentive a long time ago. Eventually she became aware of his gaze, and she smiled down at him. He smiled back. Though there was silence between the two, he already had an idea of what she would have said had she had the chance, You will do well, my loyal student. I’m proud of you. Now show the world why you should be proud.
Director Acumen stood from her floor cushion and straightened her dress jacket, “And now, if it would please her Highness, we wish to offer up a demonstration of our latest technology.”
Princess Celestia smiled lightly and gave a soft nod, “You and your staff may proceed, Director.”
Director Acumen gave a quick bow and then signaled to the guards. Flinging the doors to the Royal Proclamation Chamber open, they pulled two teleporters in on a small wooden cart. They lifted one unit off and carefully placed it in the corner to the left, this being the southeast. The guards then brought the second unit just before the steps leading up to the Princess’ throne, and placed it before her. Once their work was done, a second set of guards ushered in two unicorns.
The Director gestured to the newcomers, “As a gesture of good will and in the spirit of collaboration, we have also invited representatives of the Unicorn Guild to act as the standard by which we would hope to be compared.” She turned and offered her hoof out with a smile, “We are grateful for your presence here today, Grand Magus Stargazer.”
The old orange unicorn took up the hoofshake with a charmed smile of his own, “We in turn are here to humbly offer our services in aiding the Princess’ judgment.”
Though outwardly there were smiles all around, the eyes of the two leaders told a different story: this event was most definitely a competition, and they each had their own ideas of what the outcome would be. Each leader turned away from their rival and returned to their young assistants.
“You may begin when ready,” the Princess declared.
Stargazer’s champion lightly shook his salmon pink coat and dark green mane, centering himself physically and mentally. In a burst of green light he disappeared only to near instantly reappear on the opposite side of the room, a slight smirk on his face. Stargazer looked over to the two scientists as his pupil walked back, and he too had a pompous expression. Director Acumen’s nostrils flared even as she stared back at the old stallion with self-assurance, then looked to Bunsen Burner and nodded. He strolled towards his device nonchalantly, checked that all the settings were correct on the control box, then pressed the power button. Another flash of light filled the room, and the earth pony reappeared inside the second array. He then reached around the second teleporter’s array arm and punched the power button there, reappearing before the others.
“Grand Magus,” he declared as he turned to him, “If I might be so bold, I’d ask a request of you.”
Perplexed by the unscheduled nature of this entreaty, the old stallion responded, “By all means; ask away.”
“As we can all see, using just the confines of this room is not test enough for either of us.”
The unicorn’s brow arched, “And you propose that we up the ante, as it were?”
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Very well then. Where shall be our new benchmark?”
Bunsen Burner smiled with a slight twinkle in his eye, “Canterlot Square.”
Stargazer for his part maintained the same aloof body language as ever, but the young scientist noticed the way that his apprentice twitched and looked to his master out of the corner of his eye: the pupil wasn’t so sure he could achieve that sort of distance. The Grand Magus’ brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, “I’m sure you’ll of course need some time to setup one of your trinkets down below before you will be ready. We could of course adjourn for whatever time is necessary to allow you a fair chance,” he turned and bowed to the Princess as he spoke, “If it pleases her Majesty.”
“Your offer is most courteous,” Director Acumen replied with a smug smile, “but we made the necessary preparations before we arrived. By all means, feel free to make the first jump.”
Stargazer froze in his humble posture for a moment, but quickly righted himself, “Yes, hm…Very well.”
“Master,” the apprentice murmured as his superior turned back to him.
“Quiet foal,” he hissed back softly. He then spoke to Bunsen Burner, who he now recognized from several weeks previous, “As interesting as your wager is I’m afraid that our collaboration only hinged on the one demonstration. Our bond is fulfilled. We would be more than willing to help you test your equipment in the future, but now is not the right time.”
The young stallion bowed respectfully in return, “I understand, Grand Magus, and I am appreciative of your help, both now and in days to come.”
The two unicorns swiftly left after pleasantries were fully exchanged with the Princess. Director Acumen watched them go, a thin smile creeping across her face, which she silently shared with Bunsen Burner.
“Madam Director,” Princess Celestia declared, which brought hers’ and her subordinate’s attention back to her. “Your demonstration was a magnificent display of engineering, and I am impressed by the potential this technology has to offer Equestria.”
Her horn lit up with her signature golden illumination, and she brought forth parchment, a quill, and an inkwell, “I will have a note sent down to the treasury, and you will have your funding for the next quarter within the hour.” She then looked her former student in the eye and smiled deeply, “Congratulations, to you and to all of your staff for this achievement.”
Bunsen Burner grinned with joy at her praise, and the Director smiled deeply as she bowed, “Thank you, Your Highness.”
“I can’t believe you and the Director managed to get away with putting him on the spot,” Pundett Square exclaimed with a chuckle as he leaned back in his lab chair.
Bunsen smirked in return, “It wasn’t my main focus, but I have to admit it really was satisfying.”
The unicorn spread his forelimbs out in an encompassing motion, “All these wonderful things and we also got fifteen percent more funding than we asked for. The Guild will of course say it’s a show of nepotism.”
“That’s because they’re sore losers,” Bunsen said with a small laugh.
The two stallions sat in silence for a bit, each comfortable with using the pause to think on other things. The earth pony’s drifted to his most recent distraction: the mare selling flowers. What did she do in the time she wasn’t in front of his house he wondered to himself. Did she live in the valley below and bring her goods up to the city, or did she live up here with him and have them shipped to her to resell?
“How many years did you study under the Princess?” he faintly heard Pundett ask.
“Hm?” he responded quickly, “Oh, ah, nine years in total; seven in general education and two under her personally.”
The unicorn settled back into his chair, “This is probably a question you get a lot, but what is she like? I mean I’ve seen her, but only from far away like during a speech; never in person. She must be larger than life. All the experience she has, the ages of wisdom at her hooves. It’s got to be incredible to see in action!”
Bunsen exhaled breezily as he too leaned back in his chair, “Well, she is wise, and frightfully intelligent! Something that most ponies don’t really know about her though is that she does love a good practical joke.”
“Oh? Like what?”
“About two years ago she decided to usher in Daylight Saving’s Time a week early. I was late to my second ever teaching session with her. She did apologize for it after seeing how it made a nervous wreck of me, thinking that my lateness would reflect poorly on me, but not before she had a good laugh.” He then looked up and squinted as he thought, pointing his hoof at things only he could see, “Then there was the time she left the whoopi cushion under my seat, and also the time she offered me tea with Zebharan burning spice in it.”
“Oooh hahaha!” the unicorn cackled, “Who’d have known that the Princess had such a devious streak in her?”
“I never drank tea after that. Ever. Seriously, I could never predict when it was coming either! She never gave any hint, verbal or otherwise, and I swear she has no tell either. By all the stars in the sky she’s doing the world a favor by never entering a poker tournament: she’d rob everyone blind within the first ten rounds!”
“Were they tests of some kind?” Punnett asked, “Far be it from me to try and grasp the complexities of her mind, but there has to be some reason she would do things like that.”
The earth pony shook his hoof dismissively, “I doubt it’s something as complicated as that: she’s immortal, and with literally all the time in the world she needs things to alleviate her boredom. She told me once she’s read every book in Canterlot Library at least twenty times. She keeps records of which ones she’s read each century so she can keep rotating on which ones she comes back to sooner rather than later.”
“Variety is the spice of life after all,” Pundett interjected dryly.
“She has at least one diary dedicated to each year she’s seen, sometimes two or three for the ‘exciting’ ones. They number well into the thousands, going back as far as YOL 427.”
The unicorn’s eyes twinkled as he leaned forward and thought aloud, “I’d love to ask her a few questions if I ever got the chance. She saw the recognized species come together under the Dawn Compact for the First Naming Day. She’s undoubtedly seen the legendary bat ponies, or the long extinct sea ponies! She might be able to help me with that part of my genetic theory I was telling you about.”
Bunsen’s ears fell even as he smiled good-naturedly, “I’m sorry Pundett old friend, but she’s already told me she doesn’t really remember anything beyond what she’s journaled about; just snippets. All she’s certain of is that she’s over one thousand years old.”
The unicorn visibly wilted, “Ah well. I suppose just getting the answer that easy wouldn’t be as satisfying as struggling for it after a few years of research I suppose. Still, you must admit that going by the potential ramifications of genetic evolution that there should be a greater number species we should be sharing the planet with? And as we can see in the example of the Everfree Forest magic cannot indefinitely overcome nature, so we can rule out that transequinism or any other means of magical mutation is the cause of this deficiency in numbers.”
“Yes,” Bunsen Burner said with a sigh and a small smile, “Unless of course your scale of evolution over time is wrong, in which case our planet is indeed younger than we’d all initially believed.”
“But that’s just it!” Pundett replied as he scooted his chair a little closer, “I’m certain that my theory is correct, but I am also certain that the thought of our planet being much older than you believe is also true, which leads me back to the great, big discrepancy that occurs when the two meet! Forgive me this flight of fancy, but I think one possible explanation that meshes the two ideas nicely is that this world is simply an adopted world that we were all placed on after some sort of large scale terraforming process took place.”
Bunsen stared at his friend incredulously, “ ‘Adopted world?’“
Pundett nodded sharply, “Yes, adopted world! We were either moved from somewhere else or created specifically for this place, but we obviously don’t have the technology to do so, so perhaps we were transplanted her by an alicorn, or alicorns, or perhaps a species we’ve never seen!”
“There seems to be wafts of horse apples coming off of this idea,” Bunsen replied, then looked around in an exaggerated way, “If only we had a window to open in this lab!”
Punnett brought his hooves up defensively, “Just try to keep an open mind with me here. Look back into ancient myths and legends of all the races: there are common threads throughout each. There was darkness and pain before life and light bloomed on this rock, then there are three common entities. There’s the trickster we know as Discord, there’s the royalty in the form of alicorns, ranging from one to three depending on who you ask, and the last group are the odd ones out. Our ancestors called them the Ruined, believing them to be the cause of all suffering in the world, including creating Discord himself! In their hubris they didn’t consider that he would turn against them, and he utterly destroyed them. But just to the east our Zebharan neighbors call them the Upright Ones, claiming that Discord had always permeated nature with impurity, but the cunning Upright Ones provided the means to fighting and sealing Discord, sacrificing their collective lives to save us all. I think these ideas and others are an imperfect description of the race that could have hypothetically created us.”
“Or they’re all exactly what they are: folklore,” Bunsen replied with exasperation, “All the best tales made up by a few but shared by all. In lack of evidence our primitive but curious ancestors and the ancestors of the other races made up these stories to answer the questions burning in their minds even as they focused on survival. Such explanations were a necessary stopgap back then, but now that we have proper means of understanding the world through instrumentation and the scientific method we no longer need those myths.”
Both stallions leaned back in their chairs and simply looked at each other as they each let their views sink into the other. Finally Punnett gave a small chuckle and smiled warmly, “Stubborn to the end aren’t you?”
Bunsen nodded, “Earth pony pride! Besides, there’s no evidence yet to support your extraterrestrial claim.”
“And there’s no objective certainty in what you claim by saying those stories are a fabrication,” the unicorn replied, “but it does make the brain work and is good exercise for the jaw. You’ll do an old stallion a favor and perhaps allow me my delusions, won’t you?”
“ ‘Old stallion’” the earth pony scoffed, “You being five years older than I does not lend you the right to claim yourself as ‘old’ by any means.”
“Well I certainly feel old,” Punnett replied, “I’ve submitted my hypotheses on Deoxyribonucleic Acid to a group of qualified peers, my wife and I are settling down and trying to become a family, and one of these days I might just want a cushy professorship back at Canterlot University when I’m done with this think tank.”
“How is Bolera doing by the way?”
“Quite well in fact; she’s almost achieved her doctorate in literature now. That’s another thing that’s making me old: paying debts. Hopefully in a few years we’ll get it all paid off, just in time for the foals to go and get their shot at higher education.” Punnett thought to himself for a moment, then glanced up at his younger friend, “Now that I’m thinking about it, when was the last time you just took a few days off and spent some time doing what you want Bunsen?”
The earth pony sighed, then stood from his chair to slowly pace around the room, “I frankly can’t remember. I’ve been so caught up working on my dream that I haven’t given it much thought.” He unconsciously stopped as he thought, “Though there is one thing that might shift my attention.”
“Hmmmmmmmmmmm,” the unicorn leaned back, brought his hoof up to his chin and stroked it, all the while looking at his friend with a knowing smirk, “This wouldn't happen to be another pony would it?”
Bunsen’s face scrunched up a little, “Yes, but I have no idea how to approach her. I don’t even know what her name is! All I know is that she sells flowers near my house and that she always waves and says ‘hello’!”
“Sounds like she wants to talk with you, so why not talk back?”
“I don’t have any idea what to talk about,” the earth pony said in frustration as he turned back to his friend, “I don’t know anything about the study of plants or their various phyla! I’d need time to do some research on botany, herbology, and-“
Punnett waved one hoof while he put the other up to his face with sigh, “Stop, stop, stop, stop, just stop. You’re overcomplicating this far more than it need be! If every mare and stallion had to have a Ph.D. in their spouse’s interests we’d have never made it past the first generation of equines. She has interest in you, so just go up and talk to her one of these days!”
“But where should I even start?” Bunsen asked.
“Get a free education: learn about botany from her. Show an interest in what she’s interested in, and you never know what could happen! The only reason Bolera and I began dating was because I asked her about her favorite stories. Learn a little about this flower filly and you might gain something more than you expected.”
“Right, let’s go over this again,” Bunsen Burner murmured to himself as he turned onto his street, “ ‘Hello, my name is Bunsen Burner. I’ve seen you waving to me all the time, so I thought I-‘” He stopped himself, “No, that’s too formal and awkward. ‘Hi, I’m Bunsen Burner.’ That’s a good start, but where do I go from there? ‘Could you tell me a little about your flowers?’ Yes! Yes. Casual, but it opens up a dialogue.”
It was getting late in the afternoon, the sun was sinking into the west, and the street lamps were being lit by the nightly street crews. Watching them go about their work as he passed by, a little tingling feeling of worry entered his mind.
“I’m later than usual,” he thought aloud to himself, “What if she’s already gone for the day? I suppose I’ll just have to wait for another chance tomorrow. I can’t lose my nerve overnight though!”
“Um, excuse me?” he heard somepony speak from right in front of him. Having been staring at the ground as he walked he hadn’t noticed that somepony had been approaching him. Looking up quickly he found that the pony he had wanted to talk to all along was right there before him. “I can’t help but ask, but are you talking to yourself?” she asked with a worried look on her face.
Unprepared, his mental gears grinding against each other without purchase, his prepared speech tumbled out of his mouth in a nervous chain, “Hello my name is Bunsen Burner and I was wondering if I could ask you about your flowers I’d like to learn more about them and you.”
The both of them blinked a bit as they each reacted in their own way to the jumbled mess of words, every second of which Bunsen was internally screaming and kicking himself, Idiot! Imbecile! You could have waited, but you ruined your one and only shot at a good first impression! So caught up in his own mental flagellation was the poor stallion that he almost didn't hear what the earth pony mare had to say in response.
Her look of shock slowly turned into a smile, “Well, I’m afraid I've already put away my goods for tonight, but if you wanted to really learn more about my flowers perhaps we could set up an appointment.”
Bunsen paused, slowly trying to process what she had said through the fog of emotion clouding his mind, “An appointment? Oh um, y-yes, yes. Right. An appointment would be very good!”
“Perhaps sometime tomorrow? I know of an excellent out of the way restaurant. If you met me by my stall, say around 6:30, we could go from there?”
“T-That sounds like a lovely idea,” he replied, his mind breaking down as he understood what was happening, but hardly could believe that it was.
“I’m Lily by the way,” she declared with an interested smile, “Lily Cloverhoof.”
“Bunsen Burner,” he blurted rather clumsily.
“It’s nice to finally put a name to a face after all this time,” she declared, “I’ll handle the reservations, but obviously there is a consultation fee that we need to discuss.”
“Perrrhaps I could pay for your dinner?” he seemed to asked uncertainly, as at this point he was fumbling through the conversation as best as he could, trying to recover any self-sense of decency he had left.
She nodded and smiled, “I think that would be an agreeable means of payment.” She then continued on her way past the internally disheveled stallion, “Good night Mr. Burner. I’ll expect you to be on time of course. Wouldn't want to be late for your appointment, would you?”
“I won’t miss it for anything!” he called out to her with a stupid grin on his face. He was almost certain he heard her chuckle in response to his accidental show of enthusiasm.
For a good minute or two after she had left him he simply stood in the middle of the sidewalk, gazing after her in a disorganized, half frenetic/half blissful calmness. It eventually occurred to him to finish making his way home and to get inside before he could make more of a public fool of himself.
“Foolish, yes,” he replied aloud to his inner sense of advice as he brushed off his hooves on the welcome mat in front of his door, “but also the fool who’s got a date!”