Maybe if I was the element of Honesty they’d believe me. Maybe they wouldn’t think I wasn’t in some kind of constant state of denial...
My name is Rainbow Dash and let me state for the record:
I am NOT, I repeat that, NOOOOT a filly-fooler. I don’t like girls in that way, I never have. I don’t know why everypony assumes, as AJ would say it, mah barn door swings that way.
Even my closest friends don’t believe me. It’s to the point when I repeat it, it just reinforces their suspicions!
“Oh, of course you aren’t a filly-fooler Dashie!” *wink*
“Of course ya ain’t sugarcube!” *nod*
“I know darling.” *giggle*
“Oh... um... thats nice Rainbow.” *hides behind her mane*
and Twilight was the worst. She just grinned...
I stared at the copper colored liquid in front of me, the clear cup shining in the dim light behind the bar. A familiar purple mare walking back and forth serving drinks. She was the only one who understood what I was going through, poor Berry Punch, everyone thought because of her name and occupation she was constantly in a state of inebriation. Thankfully, that was not the case and it became something to talk about, how misunderstood we both were over something neither of us had control over.
She looked over at me for a second, and I smiled warmly and nodded at her. She returned the favor before returning to work.
It was weird flying solo this particular Saturday night, all my friends had some excuse to not come out bar hopping with yours truly. And that’s fine, sometimes you just have to drink alone and collect your thoughts.
I’m currently on my 3rd free drink of the night... I dunno what it is about me that makes mares instantly like me in that way but I’m usually willing to take the drinks they buy for me. It’s when they saunter up to me and offer take me away and give me the night of my life that just burns my flank.
The portly red bartender makes his rounds around the bar. He stops in front of me as he pulls out another tankard and begins to fill it up.
“From the mare at the end of the bar.” He says in his city-pony accent.
I look over to see Carrot Top raising her drink to me and giving me a wink... UGH! Thats it! I’ve had enough of this nonsense! “Send it back.” I say in a hushed tone so the anger doesn’t become evident in my voice.
“Excuse me miss?” He leans forward, the music blasting in the background.
“I SAID SEND IT BACK!” The poor stallion jumped back in surprise as I snapped, nearly slamming into the shelving behind the bar. I hold my hoof up to the bridge of my nose. I need to stop drinking or drink a whole lot more more. Either/or.
The pudgy stallion slinks off to give Carrot Top the message. I watch as they exchange words and she gives me a odd looking stare. I slap on a malicious smile and respond by raising my cup and giving her a wink. She turns away and trots off in, what looks like, a huff. One less mare I need to worry about riding my flank all night... uhhhhhhhhhh. A shiver runs through my body at my poor choice of wording in my thoughts.
I go back to concentrating on my drink. The amber liquid waits impatiently in the glass sloshing side to side, however that might of just been me rocking the stein. Not quite sure.
It’s not two minutes time before a hoof prods me in the shoulder sharply. A pink mare with a light green mane, who had obviously had a bit too much to drink, was wavering as the words seemed to fall out of her mouth. “W-wouldja... wouldja like to dance? Ya pretty young thing.” The hoof started to move up to my face. I caught it before it reached its intended destination.
“No thanks, I’m good.” I say to this pony that decided it was ok to touch ponies strangers on the face.
“Oh you think y-y-you’re too good for me? Is that it?” She says (offended? I think, it’s hard to tell when they slur like that.)
I look her over for a second before responding, “Yeah, I think so.”
A sneer plagues her face as she tries to walk off with some dignity only to trip over her own hooves and crashes into a drink laden table, spilling every liquid that occupied every glass all over her. Ahhh sweet Celestial justice. A wide smile spreads across my face.
Laughing at other ponies’ misfortune... there should be a word for that...
I turn back to my drink to find yet another young mare wedged uncomfortably at my side vying for my attention. She has a dark red coat with a long black straight mane that has a stripe of orange running through it. Her orange eyes giving me a once over. My head drops into my chest. “Alright FINE! I give up! Take me to bed! Make a mare out of me!”
She smiles evilly at me, “Oh really?” I could almost see a twinkle of excitement in her eye. A BUCKING TWINKLE IN HER EYE!
“NO!” I throw my hooves up to give a more dramatic reaction. Her excited face just crumbled away and became the saddest face possible with the whole puppy dog eyes and the quivering lip thing.
That does it, I’m drinking till all this dumb goes away.
She walks away sad and dejected. I really can’t be asked to care about these mares’ feelings at this point. I’m here for me, for fun! Now, I’m just in a worse mood and could use another drink... screw that. More drinks! Maybe even shots!
I call the bartender over and order the most awful, most sadistic, most ACRID liqueur in the whole damn place. He looks unsure for a moment but a quick scowl from me assures him that I’m serious about this. He goes into the back and in a few minutes comes back with a big black bottle with 3 large x’s on the front of it.
He pours a small shot and passes it to me. I take it, and throw it back in one swift motion. My mistake is evident as soon as the viscous liquid hits my throat. Saying it burned would be an understatement. It felt as though I ate Celestia’s sun like an apple.
To be quite honest, I loved every second of it. I bought the whole buckin’ bottle and then I tried to conduct a feat that would rival the sonic rainboom, I tried to drink it.
The haze faded in after about the 3rd drink... and with a final one-two shot. I was gone.
...this doesn’t feel like my cloud bed...
My eyes burst open as I try to take in my surroundings. Big mistake. The Sun’s brightness is very unforgiving. I shield my eyes as I try to figure out where I am. It looks like a hotel room. I guess I was smart enough to not FUI (Fly under the influence); I can be brilliant sometimes, even when drunk. I stretch out on the bed trying to wake myself up and hit something soft. I turn over and see a long black mane with a orange stripe running through it spread messily over the other half of the bed...
Ahhhh Celestia banish it! Not again!