I swished the swill around in my cup, the liquid making a satisfying noise as I sighed into the bars counter.
“What’s wrong sweetie?” A sing song voice called out over the counter at me as I raised my head slightly to look at the speaker. The mare was cute in a way, she had a tan coat, darker brown hair with a black stripe, and wore a pair of glasses that accented her face just enough to bring out her crystal blue eyes A light braid fell across her shoulders and onto the counter as she smiled lightly at me.
I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. But I instead opted to swallow that part of my pride and looked the girl in the eyes, my own mane falling a bit in front of my eyes.
“You wanna know what’s wrong? Everypony thinks that I’m a filly fooler. I can’t get a decent date in this damned town because every stallion I know thinks I’m gay. And even now I’m being hit on by a mare!” I dropped my head back to the counter and stared hard at the girl until she shook her head lightly.
“I’m sorry, what? Who is hitting on you?” I scowled at her a little until she let out a small gasp. “OH! You think ‘I’ am hitting on you! Not at all sweetie, I’m just doing my job. Part bartender part therapist. It is in the fine print.” I raised an eyebrow and she smiled before saying something that caught me off guard.
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”
(*)
I recited the familiar rhyme and copied the motions of such, making the rainbow-maned mare only look at me like I was insane a moment before smiling.
“Well, I guess she gets around…” I laughed lightly and refilled the pony’s cup with some AJD, she began to complain but I held up a hoof to silence her.
“On the house sweetie, let me take my break and I’ll be right with you okay?” Her smile drooped a moment but quickly regained its previous health as she nodded.
“Sure, that would be nice.” I left her there to contemplate the meaning of life behind the lens of her glass as I finished up a few of my costumers, then I grabbed my brother and told him to take over bartending, the similarly colored pony grunted but moved behind the counter again. There had been a lot of new faces this week, and I intended to meet them all, the most interesting of course was that crimson eyed one at the bar.
I pranced over to her; perhaps a bit late, as I noticed she was talking to another mare, and having a good time from the look of it! The mare was yellow, with a green mane, a bit small, but not too unappealing. If I was a filly fooler, I would say she looked good, but that would be just rude. I snuck up behind the pony and sat at the bar next to her, my brother placing a small strawberry beverage in front of me with a smile as I leaned in to listen to the conversation.
It started out innocently enough, the pony of whom held my current attention apparently had a thing for the wonderbolts, which I was more or less indifferent to, I had a thing for unicorns and earth ponies, Pegasi were usually a bit too quick for my liking. The conversation quickly degraded into a one sided hitting contest, my cyan friend seems conveniently clueless about the fact that she was now being hit on, in fact she seemed happy about the compliments, even going so far as to puff up her chest and show off her wings.
I don’t think she intended it to be sexual, just…Egotistical. She seemed like the type that liked to show off, and it certainly was going to attract attention, sometimes even from the wrong types…
“Wait what?”
“I said, I have a hotel here for the next few days, you wanna join me?”
I smiled as the question finally hit home to the poor girl. She looked shocked over the revelation, so I decided to speak up; standing leaned over the ponies shoulder and looked at her questioner.
“I apologize, but she is taken, sorry.” With that I turned the pegasi to face me; she still looked frustrated, although a blush was spreading across her face as she realized all that had been said. She looked at me indignantly as the yellow mare left with a huff.
“I am NOT Beautiful.” Were the first words from my companion’s mouth after a few minutes of silence.
“Yes you are, but that’s not the point now is it, you keep getting mistaken as a filly-fooler, correct?” She looked me over a moment and sighed.
“Yea, I am. What’s it to you?” She took a long drag from her drink as I smiled.
“Well, I’m here to help, first things first, we need to get you a stallion, someone with balls, and I mean that both literally and figuratively. We need them to be loud, rambunctious so that everypony here knows you are with him. But can’t make it too obvious. Unless you want a one night stand in which case a break up would be fine… If the stallion is gay… That would be perfect…” My words slowly dwindled as I ran through scenarios in my head, there were plenty of stallions, but I needed one that was sophisticated, one that looked like a catch for ANY mare. Only two stood out, one was a familiar red pony; he came in every once in a while with his sister, owned that nice farm down the way.
The other was an alabaster stallion with icy blue stripes in his mane and tail, he sat reading through a small journal of some sort, no alcohol in site, he came in here every so often. But he looked like a sophisticated stallion, so I asked my brother over to talk to him for me. After a moment of telling Rainbow the plan to stop the mares hitting on her I got the stallion over. He immediately sat down between the pegasus and myself. He was certainly one of stature, royal maybe? Unicorn, which was a very nice catch. I put on my warmest smile as he raised an eyebrow.
“Uh, hi. My name is-” “Yes yes, amazing, listen, you see this gorgeous pony behind you? Yes, she needs you to hate her for a moment so she can get a date.” He frowned at me cutting him off as he turned. I stood and walked away as they began talking. Making my way behind the bar I took care of another few costumers, making sure to hug my twin brother as he went about his business. All he did to acknowledge my affection was say “Come on sis, I’m working…” I laughed and moved back to my newest obsessions, finding them deep in a conversation about the wonderbolts; apparently this stallion knew a few members personally.
Interesting though that she would continuously bring them up. After a few moments the debate began getting heated, apparently one of the cyan ponies idols was a close friend of our mystery stallion, and he may have said something about said pony being a filly fooler, and for some reason my nameless friend felt she needed to defend the girls honor. After a few minutes of the argument getting more and more heated I smiled as my cyan friend suddenly broke off with a “Its over, I don’t want to see you again!” The stallion stared in shock as she stood and promptly left the room.
I smiled as everypony in the room looked at her leaving. Word would spread around town now, and within a week people would know she was single, and searching for a stallion... Or that she just recovered from a harsh relationship and is seeking another mare, in which case she will likely be back in here and I get more business. I smiled and turned to the stallion that was looking at me like he just broke something. I laughed lightly and placed a glass of water in front of him.
“It’s a good thing you are such a good actor for a gay guy, or we may not have made it look like you two were dating at all!” I laughed as he stared sadly at me.
“I’m not gay…”