Twilight, Danielle and Spike stood close to the Equestrian side of the Rainbow Bridge. Twilight's ears rotated back and forth and she hopped up and down. “Oh, this is so exciting! I can't believe we'll be having Autobots here in Ponyville today! This is going to be wonderful!” She reared up and clapped her front hooves together. “I can't wait!”
Spike looked up at Twilight. “So... any clue who it's gonna be? Optimus Prime again? Oh, oh! Maybe those Dinobots are gonna show up!” He balled his fists up and shook them in the air. “Please let it be them!”
Danielle snorted. “Spike, there is no way you'd want them here in Ponyville. Think an Ursa Minor is bad? We wouldn't have a town before the day is out. Or before we got back into town itself.”
Spike opened his mouth for a moment, then closed it and shuddered.
Twilight's right eyebrow arched. “So who do you think it is, Danielle? A member of the Autobot Council? One of the gestalt leaders? A member of the Ark crew?” She stomped her hooves on the ground, sending up a small cloud of dust. “Ooh, I can't wait!”
Danielle scratched her head. “I just wish I knew who it was they were sending. It doesn't make any real sense they wouldn't let us know ahead of time.”
A loud horn suddenly blew, followed by a voice over loudspeakers. “Attention, incoming teleportation! I say again, incoming teleportation! Step away from the landing area!”
There was a sudden flash of light right below the hole. It faded, leaving six unicorns clad in blue uniforms. They stood in a circle around a large dump truck that was flanked by two almost comically-oversized motorcycles. All three vehicles had an air of being just shy of falling apart, with dents, oil stains, visible screws and patches of dirt all around. While medical crews attended to the unicorns, the vehicles turned and rolled up to the three awaiting them.
Twilight gasped. Her horn glowed and an iPad floated out of her saddlebags. She turned it on and began scrolling through pages. “W-wait, who are these?”
The two motorcycles straightened up, the front forks extending and hands emerging from the ends. The front fairing slid down, revealing a face, while the main body turned into an abdomen and upper body. The back end unfurled into legs and feet. One spiked wheel ended up on their left knee, while the other one was mounted on their left arm like a shield.
The first one was rather blocky, with a mishmash of tan, orange and gray. He sported a long beard and mustache. The second one was a bit thinner, with pink colors instead of orange. Her head swept back, evoking hair instead of the first one's helmet-like head.
Danielle's expression fell. She slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand and slowly dragged it down across her face. “Oh, god.” She reached over and gently pushed the iPad away from Twilight's face. “Twilight, I'd like to introduce you to Wreck-Gar, leader of the Junkions, and his conjunx endura Nancy.” She eyed the dump truck, still there.” The dump truck, I have no idea.”
Spike's jaw worked for a bit. “Con... con... conjugate endurance?”
Danielle waved him off. “Closest translation we have is 'spouse'. Think Optimus Prime and Elita One, or my own Mom and Dad.”
Twilight nodded. “Thanks, Danielle.” She walked up to Wreck-Gar and Nancy, placed a hoof on her chest and cleared her throat. “Greetings from Equestria, Wreck-Gar and Nancy! I am Twilight Sparkle, representative of Princess Celestia. I welcome you to our fair land!”
Wreck-Gar stroked his beard, then held up a finger and pointed to the sky. “Hi-ho, silver!” he shouted.
Twilight blinked. “What?”
Nancy bent over the dump truck. “Wally, something's wrong with the Beaver!”
Part of Twilight's mane sprung up. “What?”
Wreck-Gar stroked his beard. “I told him to eat his wheaties this morning.”
Danielle snorted. She covered her mouth with her hand, but laughter still escaped. She knelt down besides Twilight and smoothed her mane down. “Okay, lemme explain. The Junkions are Autobot refugees from the early stages of the Great War. They crashed into some interstellar junkyard and had most of their memories wiped. Somehow they started receiving TV transmissions from Earth and built their entire culture around it.” She suddenly placed a hand over Twilight's muzzle. “Get it?”
Twilight nodded. She waited for Danielle to remove her hand before looking back to Spike. “Okay, I think we'd better go get Pinkie Pie for translation, then.”
Spike shook his head. “Ah, Twilight, you remember she took her coltfriend to the family farm to meet her parents? They'll be gone all week!”
“So I said to him, if that's a fish, then I'm eely happy to see you!”
Clyde Pie stared across the dinner table at Cheese Sandwich, his daughter's would-be suitor. He slowly chewed his oats, swallowing. “Quite amusing,” he drawled out, dabbing his lips with a napkin.
Pinkie grinned and wrapped her forelegs around Cheese's body. “He likes you! He really, really likes you!”
Maud Pie looked up from her plate. “That was a good joke,” she said, her voice devoid of inflection or tone.
Pinkie gasped once more. “And Maud really likes you! Oh, this is so great!”
Cheese's body suddenly shuddered. His head darted up and he looked to the general direction of Ponyville. “My Cheesy Sense! Someone needs us.” He paused for a moment, then shrugged and went back to his plate. “Nah, it's fine.” He bit into his barley sandwich. “Crunchy!”
Twilight groaned. “Trixie?”
Danielle shrugged. “She's in Flutter Valley performing for Queen Rosedust. But don't worry. I know the Universal greeting.” She straightened up and waved at the Junkions. “Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah weep ni ni bong!”
Twilight and Spike slowly turned their heads and stared up at Danielle, eyes wide. Nancy and Wreck-Gar suddenly waved their hands back at Danielle. “Bah-weep-Graaaaagnah weep ni ni bong!” they chorused back.
Wreck-Gar looked to Nancy. “Ratings are going up and it appears we'll have a renewal of our contracts!”
Danielle glanced down at Twilight. “That's a good thing.” She clapped her hands together. “So... would you like a tour of Ponyville?” her eyes drifted to the dump truck. “Can we... okay, what is with the dump truck?”
Nancy suddenly kicked the side of the dump truck. The vehicle split apart, legs unfolding from the bottom and ending up under the cab. The garbage container ended up on the back, arms extending out of it. An orange, square head with an antenna sprouting from the left side of the head emerged. He sported wide optics and a much shorter beard and mustache than Wreck-Gar, but his face seemed to have elements of both Wreck-Gar and Nancy. “I am Wreck-Gar!” he proclaimed, waving his arms in the air.
Spike pointed to him, then pointed to the other Wreck-Gar. “Wait, you're Wreck-Gar, too? But he's Wreck-Gar. You can't be Wreck-Gar, too!” He tugged on Danielle's pant leg. “What gives?”
Danielle looked down to him. “It's rare, but Transformers do have the same names. Kind of like with ponies,” she said, winking.
Wreck-Gar patted the second one on the shoulder. “He's a chip off the old laser core!”
Nancy patted him on the arm. “Here's looking at you, kid!”
Twilight's eyes narrowed. “Wait an apple-bucking minute, here. Is he their son? How does that happen?” Her iPad floated up and she started tapping furiously at the screen. “I know about the Matrix and Vector Sigma, but this?”
Danielle rubbed her chin. “I read something a while ago about something with laser cores.” She growled. “And I'll be darned if I can remember.”
Wreck-Gar knelt down and spread his arms out. “When a man loves a woman!” he warbled, turning and looking back at Nancy.
Danielle suddenly spun around on her heel. “Okay, to Ponyville!” she shouted, marching off. “Off to Ponyville, and to my room in Golden Oaks for that brain bleach I keep under the bed,” she muttered.
The group stopped in front of Town Hall. Residents all stopped and stared up at the Junkions. Some of them waved at the giant robots, but most stayed back and away from them.
Twilight smiled and waved her hoof at the front steps of the building. “Our first stop is City Hall, the center of the government for Ponyville and the vital heart and brains of our fair town. The current administrator is Mayor Mare, who hopefully will be able to meet with you.”
Danielle knelt down and leaned in close to Twilight. “Actually, last I heard she was busy campaigning for reelection over in the residential district.”
Twilight's smile froze, and the unmistakable sound of teeth grinding together could be heard. “Of course she is! Why would we ever think she'd be in there doing her actual job? That's just silly of us!”
Wreck-Gar Junior suddenly spoke up. “I am Wreck-Gar! I am silly! And I shall campaign for mayor!” He suddenly stopped. “Wait, what's a mayor?”
Danielle chuckled and shook her head. “He's got my vote.”
Nancy walked up to the building and peered through the windows. “This is the city – Los Angeles California. We were working the day watch out of robbery and homicide. My partner's name is Wreck-Gar. My name is Nancy. I carry a laser cannon.”
Spike held up a claw. “Wait, this isn't Los Angeles. This is Ponyville!”
Danielle waved him off. “Spike, please just... it's all right. Just let it slide.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Well, unfortunately due to... size problems, I don't think we can have a full tour of City Hall. Could I interest you in a walk through the town square? There's usually a bustling market going on about this time.”
Nancy stepped away from City Hall and spun about, digging up a trench in the dirt and flinging dirt about. “Moving on up, to the east side! We'll finally get a piece of the pie!” She walked off, continuing to sing and step to the beat of the song. Wreck-Gar and Wreck-Gar Junior followed, singing along.
Spike's stomach rumbled and he patted his belly. “Hey, it is lunchtime!” He rubbed his claws together and licked his lips. “And there's a sale on emeralds today!” He ran off, following the Junkions.
Danielle looked to Twilight. “Should I go back to the library and get you some aspirin?”
Twilight slowly smiled. “Thanks, but I think I can manage.” There was a sudden crash from ahead. Twilight's right eye twitched. Her horn glowed and a large brown bottle suddenly flashed into existence in front of her. She looked up at Danielle and kicked at the ground. “Like I said, I can manage.”
The town square and Mane Street in Ponyville were usually hives of activity around this time of day. Carts were set up, shops open to the public and everyone going everywhere. The citizenry moved from cart to cart, buying things they needed, and things they wanted if they had the money. They drifted in and out of buildings, their saddlebags lighter of bits but heavier with things. Food was sold and eaten. Foals dashed about, some playing, some helping their older relatives with their businesses.
Today, the activity was muted as Wreck-Gar, Nancy and Wreck-Gar Junior moved through the area. They stuck to the open path, waving at everyone there. This time, most Ponyvillians waved back at them. The pony artist Ponet trotted up to them, easel balanced on his back. He set it down and held up his brush. “Excuse me, may I do a drawing of you, please? Inspiration has struck!”
Wreck-Gar Junior gave him a thumbs-up. “I am Wreck-Gar! I'll strike back against that inspiration and save you!” He reached back into his trash bin and pulled out a rather large laser pistol. “Stand back, everyone! I'll stop this nasty inspiration!” And with that, he started firing into the air.
Almost everyone in the immediate vicinity turned and ran off, shouting. Big Mac, who was tending to the Apple Family apple cart, ducked down. He threaded his way through the panicking ponies and over to Twilight. “Miss Twilight, these aren't Decepticons, are they? They got those red faces I've been told 'bout, but this one's got a bit o' a screw loose. Should I be callin' in tha Tank Corps? I still got some old friends in it who owe me.”
Twilight gasped. Her horn flared to life and she grabbed Wreck-Gar Junior's arm with her magic, wrenching it straight up into the sky and barely managing to avoid shooting down the weather team. Danielle dropped down and covered Spike with her arms. “It's all right, Big Mac!” she shouted over the high-pitched whine of the laser shots. “I think it's all right. Twilight, is it all right?”
Nancy and Wreck-Gar stomped over to their son's side. Wreck-Gar grabbed his arm while Nancy removed the laser pistol from his grip. “Partly cloudy with a chance of laser fire, film at eleven!”
Wreck-Gar Junior looked from side to side. “I am Wreck-Gar! I am... in trouble now?” His shoulders slumped and he sighed. “I am Wreck-Gar, and I'm sorry.”
Twilight released her grip on Wreck-Gar Junior's arm. She dropped back to her haunches and stared up at the sky.
Wreck-Gar waggled a finger at Wreck-Gar Junior. “Lucy, you got some splainin' to do!”
Danielle suddenly shot to her feet and jabbed a finger at him. “Hey, Ricky never said that line! It was a parody!” She rolled her eyes, but stopped as she felt four pairs of eyes on her. “What? It's true!”
“And here we have Sugarcube Corner, home of the Cake family.”
“It's also home of Pinkie Pie, who I wish was here.”
“Home is where the fuel pump is!”
“I am Wreck-Gar, and I have a fuel pump right here. No, sorry. That's a fusion grenade.”
Several hours later
Twilight, Spike and Danielle slowly walked back to the Rainbow Bridge, heads hung low. Danielle's clothes had several burn marks on them. Spike's tail had small embers shooting off of them. And Twilight's coat had a few patches missing.
Wreck-Gar and Nancy walked side-by-side, arms intertwined. Wreck-Gar Junior trailed behind slightly, swinging his arms back and forth. Within minutes they reached the landing field. Unicorns from the Teleportation Corps already stood in a loose circle, waiting their passengers.
Wreck-Gar and Nancy separated and turned to face their hosts. Wreck-Gar knelt down and extended a hand. “Twilight, Danielle, Spike, thank you very much for your patience with us. I know we were a bit of a handful there. Or maybe a hoofful?” His right optic blinked off, then back on.
Danielle's mouth dropped open in shock. “Wait, that's not talking TV! Why aren't you talking TV?”
Wreck-Gar shrugged. “We don't talk TV all the time! Only about ninety percent, maybe. Closer to eighty-five percent.” He shrugged. “It's our culture, but it's not all we are. We forget that sometimes.”
Nancy dropped to one knee. “We took it a bit too far here, and for that we're sorry. I guess we got a little carried away and forgot our manners. We'll make restitution for the damage caused.”
Twilight's expression brightened. “Well, thank you, Nancy! That's very kind of you.”
Danielle raised her hand. “Excuse me, Wreck-Gar, Nancy?” She waited for them to look to her before speaking. “If I may ask, what is Wreck-Gar Junior’s... relation to you?”
Wreck-Gar grinned. He straightened up and stood by Wreck-Gar Junior. “Like twilight said earlier, he's our son.” He grabbed his arm. “Wheeljack and Perceptor have developed a method of combining the energy of two laser cores to ignite a third laser core inside a newly-built body. A new 'spark' of life in the laser core, as some of us are starting to call it.”
Nancy nodded to Danielle. “The bottleneck of the Matrix and Vector Sigma being our only means of creating a new Transformer has finally been broken. With this new method we won’t be so dependent on Cybertron for new life.”
Danielle gasped. “That's incredible! And now I remember reading about that before.” She tapped the side of her head with her knuckles, then looked to Twilight and Spike. “Okay, lemme try and explain. Vector Sigma’s a supercomputer deep inside Cybertron and the Matrix is an object carried by the current Prime. They weren’t easily accessible even during peace, and when the Great War started, the Matrix got lost for a long time and the path to Vector Sigma got really dangerous and inaccessible. Their population crashed. Imagine if ponies or humans couldn’t breed and could only make new life with something that’s hard to get to even there’s not some huge war on. It was like that with the Transformers.”
Twilight nodded. “I see!” She tilted her head to the side. “Well, I sorta see.” Her iPad floated up to her face. “I will see!”
Danielle looked up at Wreck-Gar Junior. “So how old is he?”
Nancy held up a hand and waggled it in the air. “He'll be three in a deca-cycle. We want to throw a big party for him.”
Spike spoke up. “I think we know a pair of ponies who can organize the perfect party for him.”
Wreck-Gar gently patted his son on the head. “We're not downloading mass amounts of datatrax into his memory circuits. Instead we're letting him learn a bit, downloading only when necessary.” He looked down at the ground. “He and others of this new generation are the first Transformers in nearly eleven million years who don't have to go to war immediately after coming online. We're trying something a little different this time.”
Nancy stood up and stepped back to the pair. “And speaking of time, time for us to head back to Junk. Thank you for a wonderful tour of Ponyville. We'll come back, this time talking a little less TV.”
Danielle waved at them as the unicorns surrounded the three. “Just make sure Junior there is unarmed, okay?”
Wreck-Gar opened his mouth, but shrugged even as the unicorns surrounding him lit their horns up and readied to teleport them back to Earth. “Truth be told, I thought we did.” He shook his head. “Kinda stupid to miss that fusion grenade.”
Wreck-Gar Junior raised his right arm and, mere seconds before disappearing, pumped a fist into the sky. “I am Wreck-Gar, and I dare to be stupid!”