“I swear,” Purple Heart hissed in annoyance. “This is irritating the bleeding carp outta me!”
Rarity and Fluttershy watched worriedly as their purple companion fell into another bout of body wracking coughing. The group of ponies had been on the road for almost a full day, most of which was spent searching for battle-worthy creatures to ‘farm’ experience from as Purple Heart had so eloquently put it. Not only had they augmented their knowledge of combat, they had also inflated their purses from the coin drops of some creatures, in addition to learning a great deal about each other. When they found a merchant, they would be able to sell any ingredients or drops they had collected up until that point. Now they were trotting down a wide road lined with forest on both sides.
Purple Heart grunted and snorted, trying to bring the stubborn phlegm into his throat so that he could expel it from his body. Never before had he experienced such blockage in his nasal area, even after the consumption of dairy products.
“GAH!” He roared, startling the two mares behind him, along with a flock of birds residing in the trees. “This is getting ridiculous!” Rarity and Fluttershy shared a concerned look. Something was definitely wrong with the tattooed earth pony, of that they were certain. But they had no idea what was causing Purple Heart to have such congestion. He had taken to muttering under his breath several hours ago, cursing cheese and any other dairy product he could think of. This bout of congestion was the most violent case of stuffy nose that Rarity and Fluttershy had seen. And they had no idea how to help the suffering stallion.
Rarity nodded to Fluttershy and they both hurried into a gallop that brought them to stand in front of the coughing Purple Heart as they rounded a bend in the path. The white fashionista unicorn stepped towards the third member of their party and cleared her throat.
“De-... Purple Heart?” Rarity asked cautiously. “Are you alright dar-...er...dea-...hmm...are you alright?” The purple pony stopped and looked up, a furious scowl etched into his normally grim features.
“I dunno!” he hacked irritably. “I’ve never had congestion this bad before, not even after munching on a deep dish pizza! I must be allergic to something here. Royally. HOLY BLEEDING CARP!”
“Yes, yes,” Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation. “You’re irritated beyond belief.” Purple Heart shook his head wildly, his mane flopping about like some wet mop.
“No seriously!” he screeched. “A bleeding carp!” Fluttershy smiled kindly at the purple stallion and trotted forward to pat him on the head.
“Shh,” she hushed. “It’s okay. I’m here.” A pair of hard cobalt-blue orbs turned to glare at the yellow pegasus. Fluttershy squeaked at the suddenly hostile gaze that had swung towards her.
“Seriously,” he ground out through gritted teeth. “A. Bleeding. Carp. Maybe raging on its sorry tail will clear my face.” Rarity and Fluttershy finally took the purple earth pony’s advice and followed his outstretched hoof that pointed behind them. The mares gasped in surprise. They saw several things.
A good distance in front of them, there was a capsized carriage sitting in a ditch beside the road. Even at this distance, the two mares could make out the snapping banners and intricate designs on the carriage’s sides. It obviously belonged to somepony of great wealth or standing. However, the massive copper fish with blood oozing from its forehead that was glaring down at the wreck grabbed Rarity and Fluttershy’s attention immediately.
“Oh,” Rarity said. “He’s right.” Purple Heart rolled his eyes sarcastically and charged forward, yelling at the top of his lungs to get the beast’s attention.
“Hey! You!” the purple stallion bawled. “Yes, you! Get your sorry tail over here so I can kick you right in your frilly fishy dress!” Part of Rarity was appalled at Purple Heart’s choice of words but the other part was in awe of how fast the purple pony had rushed into combat. The white unicorn turned to see her confused expression mirrored on Fluttershy’s face.
“Well,“ Rarity scoffed. "That was a non-sequitur if I ever saw one."
“He really does like rushing into things,” Fluttershy whispered. “What happened to him?” Rarity shrugged, turning to watch the combat between Purple Heart and the Carp begin.
“I think he snapped,” the fashionista responded.
Purple Heart knew that he was coming off as aggressive and violent to the two mares, but he had no idea why. His mood was exceptionally sour at the moment, even for him.
What is wrong with me? the purple stallion thought to himself as he joined combat with the massive Carp. I’m not usually this congested, or tetchy for that matter. My nose is killing me. I must’ve tried to inhale some kind of cheese instead of eat it. His train of thought was derailed when the Carp tried to grapple with him. Purple Heart promptly used his interrupt action to reverse the grapple and turn it upon the Carp. He tightened his forehooves around the Carp, silently thanking the RPG Gods for the earlier conflicts. During them, he had learned a great deal more about the intricacies and nuances of combat in this world as well as got a good idea of Fluttershy and Rarity’s abilities. Chuckling to himself, Purple Heart waited for the turn to change before he hurled the Carp against a tree.
“I’m afraid not,” he chortled in an outrageous accent as he barreled after the flying fish, intent on beating it to a squishy pulp. Rarity and Fluttershy trotted around the combat grid to the capsized carriage. They knew that the purple stallion would be able to handle himself in combat. Talking to other ponies however…that was up for debate.
“Ow,” a soft voice mumbled from within the carriage. “Is anypony out there?”
“Hold on,” Rarity called, speeding into a canter. “We’ll have you out in no time. Fluttershy dear, would you be so kind as to call Purple Heart over? I think that poor Carp is unconscious after all that kicking.” Fluttershy bobbed her head an agreement and shot over to the purple earth pony. Rarity turned her attention to the carriage and enforced her magic upon the door. Hinges screeched as the heavy wooden door was heaved free and tossed to one side. Rarity peaked inside the carriage.
“Are you alright, dear?” the white unicorn asked kindly. There was a mare inside the carriage, her simple gown arrayed around her like some peaceful pond of green. Her mane was a jumble of red curls that bobbed when her head moved. The rest of her was a bright gold that seemed to glitter in the fading sunlight. A horn stood gracefully on her brow, poking up betwixt her curls. The mare looked up, tears shimmering in her eyes. She opened her mouth to answer but stopped when Purple Heart appeared.
“I’d like to see a dorf do that,” he chortled happily. From his tone, Rarity guessed that his congestion had been severely lessened. “Wits and Light will be soooo pissed off when I tell them...” The purple earth pony fell silent as he locked eyes with the golden unicorn below. Rarity and Fluttershy watched in growing amusement as the two ponies continued to stare at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Then Purple Heart cleared his throat, the manic light gone from his eyes.
“Um…” he grunted. “Who’re you?” The golden unicorn blinked and twisted her face into a frown.
“Who are you?” she countered. Purple Heart made a face to match the mare’s.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled. “Answering a question with a question isn’t fair.” The golden unicorn smiled slyly.
“So?” she giggled. Purple Heart rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Fine,” he grumbled. “My name is Purple Heart. Your turn.” Fluttershy and Rarity swiveled to look at the golden mare expectantly.
“I’m Amber Glitter,” the mare replied. “I’m the p-...hem, the maid to the Princess Opal.” Purple Heart cocked his head to one side, his brow furrowed.
“Hmm,” he mused, fixing the mare with a hard stare. “Where’s this princess then?” Amber averted her gaze, unnerved by the purple earth pony’s harsh gaze. Rarity noticed the motion and frowned.
“For heaven’s sake!” she snapped. “Stop looking at her like that! She’s obviously been traumatized!” Purple Heart snorted and walked away.
“Obviously,” he drawled in an oily voice. Rarity shot a glare after the pony and looked at Fluttershy.
“Go make sure he doesn’t blow us up, darling,” she said. Fluttershy nodded, understanding Rarity’s concern. Purple Heart was becoming more and more irrational for some reason. Better to keep an eye him than to let him roam free. Rarity massaged her temple with a hoof as she turned back to Amber Glitter. The golden mare had gotten shakily to her feet while Rarity had been berating Purple Heart and was watching the white unicorn with interest.
“Is he your coltfriend?” Amber asked bluntly. Rarity blinked in surprise.
So this is how Twi felt, she thought. Being paired with a pony you have no intention of pursuing. It’s horrible.
“He most certainly is not,” she retorted out loud. “He’s just an acquaintance.”
“I heard that,” Purple Heart barked from the other side of the carriage. Rarity rolled her eyes and smiled at the purple stallion’s reaction.
“We’re traveling together until we get to the capital,” Rarity explained. Amber nodded slowly.
“Oh,” the golden unicorn murmured. “I guess it would be too much to ask for your help.” Rarity pouted.
“It would not be too much,” she declared. “We’d be happy to help you. Erm, what do you need help with?”
“Some bandit ponies took the Princess and went deeper into the forest,” Amber said. “I’m sure she’ll reward you if you help me get her back.” Rarity nodded, smiling gently at the gold unicorn.
“We’d be happy to help you,” Rarity promised. “Reward or no.”
“Oh, Rarity,” Purple Heart called, deaf to the conversation. “Don’t tell her we’ll help if she asks for it. We don’t have time for side-side quests.” Rarity and Amber shared a knowing look and both smiled. Amber clambered out of the ruined carriage and the two unicorns trotted around to where Purple Heart lay, his chin resting on the ground. Fluttershy sat on the purple earth pony in an attempt to keep him from escaping. Rarity knew that Fluttershy would be hard pressed to keep Purple Heart in one spot. She had seen his incredible strength. Flinging Fluttershy away would be no problem for the hefty colt.
“Could you ask her to get off please?” Purple Heart grumbled, referring to the pegasus sitting on him. Rarity and Amber both covered their faces with a hoof and giggled at the earth pony’s predicament.
“Purple Heart, dear,” Rarity said, trying to stifle her amusement. “I have something to tell you.” Purple Heart looked at the white unicorn with one large blue eye and frowned.
“It’s bad?” he said flatly. “Isn’t it?”
“Why do you think that?” Amber inquired.
“She called me ‘dear’,” Purple Heart explained. “That’s the first time she’s called me that since we met. She even checked herself when she almost called me earlier. It’s bad.” Rarity smiled as Fluttershy and Amber giggled.
“We’re helping Amber find the Princess,” Rarity said. There was silence as the three mares watched Purple Heart with interest. The purple stallion looked up at Rarity, his expression blank.
“Wat?” he asked. Rarity’s smile widened.
“We’re helping Amber find the Princess,” Rarity repeated. Purple Heart was silent for a few moments as he digested the information before he eventually nodded and stood up, causing Fluttershy to slide off his broad back. With a squeak of surprise, Fluttershy flapped her wings and began to hover over Purple Heart, frowning at the purple earth pony.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said,” the purple earth pony grumbled. “Welp, I guess there’s nothing for it. Which way did the ponies who took the Princess go?” Amber blinked in surprise at the stallion’s change of heart before she pointed with hoof towards the deep forest.
“The bandits took her deeper into the forest,” the gold unicorn answered. “They took the guards with them too, but I’m not certain that they live.” Purple Heart groaned.
“Great,” he muttered. “More bandits.” The purple earth pony trotted into the forest, grumbling under his breath. As he departed, a small fanfare played over Purple Heart’s head and the phrase ‘Side-Quest Accepted’ appeared with it. The purple earth pony ignored the fanfare. Amber cocked her head to one side in confusion and turned to Rarity and Fluttershy.
“Is something wrong with him?” she asked, indicating at the retreating stallion. Rarity and Fluttershy shrugged.
“We don’t know,” Fluttershy replied softly. “He might just be mad about having to deal with more bandits.” Rarity nodded.
“We had a terrible run-in with a number of bandits a few days ago,” the white unicorn explained. “We saved an entire town from a bandit infestation and were on our way to the capital to find their sponsor.”
“Huh,” Amber mused. “Not very polite though, is he?” Rarity shook her head, her mane bouncing.
“Unfortunately not,” she sighed. “But we are stuck with him until we get to the capital.”
“Um,” Fluttershy chimed. “We should go after Purple Heart before he gets too far. He is the strongest in the party.” Rarity inclined her head in agreement and trotted in the direction Purple Heart had gone, looking back to the two mares behind her.
“Indeed he is,” she affirmed. “Let’s follow him then since he seems to know where he’s going.” Amber and Fluttershy followed the white unicorn into the forest after the purple earth pony, hoping that he wouldn’t rain some hell down on their heads.