The foals in Ponyville Schoolhouse were sitting quietly in their seats. Or, Cheerilee wished they were. In reality, most of them were reading comics or playing with paper planes. The only student paying any attention whatsoever was Diamond Tiara. Cheerilee didn't mind, it was a dreary day, recess was inside, class hadn't started yet, and she still had to hand out the results of last week's test.
The pink bully went first.
Cheerilee passed the pink filly her test results, "Diamond Tiara, your essay on the words 'economy', 'motorway' and 'bazaar' was almost flawless. Your only error was that you forgot to put a period at the very end. A+, indeed. I guess I could use a few pointers from you, myself!"
"Why, thank you, Ms. Cheerilee." Diamond Tiara responded, "I guess you really could."
Cheerilee moved over to a silver filly nearby. "Silver Spoon, your essay on the words 'retina', 'bivalve' and 'minion' was also top notch. You had a few errors here and there, mostly spoonerisms, but considering how much effort you put into making the longest essay in the whole class, you deserve this A. Well done."
Silver Spoon smiled, "Well, apologies for those random errors, Ms. Cheerilee, but you know I have trouble with words sometimes."
Cheerilee turned to the filly sitting behind them. A yellow filly with a red mane and pink bow. For some reason she was wearing her gala dress, even though it didn't fit her too well anymore, and was holding a blue box.
Both of them groaned. They knew what was coming.
Cheerilee passed the paper over. "Apple Bloom, your essay on the words 'apple', 'rabbit' and 'navel' was... How do I put this... Mediocre. Your spelling and grammar are okay, a few errors, mainly, you misspelled 'etymology' every single time, and you also seem to be forgetting the golden rules of joining compound words together. Otherwise, you did a good job on your language. Unfortunately, it appears you didn't do any significant research, so I can only give you a C+. Keep it up, Apple Bloom, and you'll pass this time."
Apple Bloom lowered her head, saying, "Sorry Ms. Cheerilee, Ah don't have the net for now, and Ah left it to the last second because of that typhoon. You forgive me, right?"
"Yes, I do. I always say you must encourage students, not punish them."
Makes sense, Apple Bloom thought, After all, Ah've never seen you punish those two. She glanced at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon with disdain.
Cheerilee moved over to an orange pegasus. "Scootaloo, I'm afraid your essay on the words 'uvula', 'bachelor' and 'overindulge' was barely passable. Even after I decided to ignore all the times you misspelled the word 'dictionary', which wasn't even necessary to include to begin with, and your mixing up the dictionary with your Sex Education textbook and confusing the uvula with the cervix in your first draft which you didn't even erase properly, I can only give you a D-."
"What?" Scootaloo shrieked, "A D-? Do you know how hard I worked on that essay?"
"Well, to your credit, you did do your research, but it was insufficient. Also, it's spelled 'C-O-N-S-O-N-A-N-T-S', the velum is not the name of a town in Horstralia and beer is made by fermenting hops, not rice. Fermenting rice makes sake. On that note, including the entire history of Springfield, [redacted], no matter how well-researched, does not count and will only drag your grades down further, and, for future reference, it's 'Cargill', not 'Carson'. Overall, you passed by half a point."
"That's not fair! I get higher grades than that!"
"In Physical Education, yes. You're the best at that. In fact, only Apple Bloom, Cotton Cloudy and Rumble can even keep up." Cheerilee raised her head, "Did anypony get that? Work harder at the Gym, students, and you'll pass!"
Cheerilee then turned to Sweetie Belle. The white unicorn filly gulped. She was never one for writing. How can I write a word without ketchup? she thought, Ooh, Ms. Cheerilee's gonna fail me for sure...
Cheerilee looked at Sweetie Belle, and asked, "Sweetie Belle, may I speak to you at my desk?"
"Oh, sure" Sweetie Belle squeaked with a little anxiety.
The two walked over to Cheerilee's desk and sat down.
Cheerilee lowered her head to Sweetie Belle's eye level, and stated, rather matter-of-factly, "Sweetie Belle, your essay on the words 'robot', 'carpet' and 'magic' was mediocre at best. You spelled every single word correctly, and you used proper though not exactly perfect grammar, but that's about the only thing you did right. The rest is a mess. Where do I begin?"
"Um, well, Ms. Cheerilee, let's see..."
"Don't interrupt me, Sweetie Belle."
"Sorry..."
"Well, first of all, song lyrics, footnotes, headers, HTML markup, links, quotes, random pop-culture references and the like don't count towards the minimum of 1000 words, Sweetie Belle. Secondly, it's very dangerous to hurt yourself with needles to prove you're not a robot. Third, do not try to levitate your sister by her horn. Fourth, you used your full name more than necessary. It's simply unnecessary to write out 'I, Sweetie Belle Thrackerzod Topaz, am not a robot' more than once. Fifth, this might be a bit personal, but... Um..."
"What is it, Ms. Cheerilee?"
"Well, describe to me how the word 'carpet' tastes like cherries."
Sweetie Belle froze. "Y-You mean it doesn't?"
"No, it doesn't." Cheerilee replied nonchalantly
"But... But every word has a taste, right?"
"Words don't have taste, Sweetie Belle. That's why I find it unusual that you think they do."
"But they do! Really!"
"Sweetie Belle..."
"Okay, tell me, does 'robot' taste like blood? Because it should taste like blood, right?"
"How would I know?"
"Whenever you see or her 'robot' you get a taste of blood. You don't get that?"
"I can't taste any words that way, Sweetie Belle..."
"You can't?"
"Nopony can, Sweetie Belle, as far as I know, anyway."
Sweetie Belle hung her head down low. Stifled laughter suddenly broke the silence. Cheerilee and Sweetie Belle looked up and saw Diamond Tiara holding back laughter.
"You can taste words?" The pink filly smirked, "I always knew you were a robot dictionary!"
Cheerilee glared at Diamond Tiara and grabbed her by the sides of her head. "Diamond Tiara! You don't eavesdrop on private conversations!"
The bully snorted, "Oh, I'm sorry. But I couldn't help but overhear the fact that this blank flank is a freak! I mean seriously, tasting words? What's next, seeing music? She's a freak, simple as that! She's gonna die cold and lonely on the streets! Just like---"
"Enough of that! Diamond Tiara Merchant, I'm sick and tired of your constant bullying! You are suspended for a week, and have detention for the rest of the month!"
"But Ms. Cheerilee, it's the third!"
"My point exactly! And once you've returned, I don't want to hear another offensive comment from you about dictionary-tasting robots, chickens, or ethnic minorities. Do you understand?"
"No, I don't." Diamond responded sarcastically, "Can you teach me about this whole 'friendship' thing?"
Cheerilee scowled, "Just for that, I'm extending your detention until Nightmare Night!"
"But it's August!"
"I'm calling your father right now, and telling him everything you've done today. You can forget about passing fourth grade if you keep up this behavior!" Cheerilee turned to Sweetie Belle, who looked like she was about to burst into tears, "Sweetie Belle, please return to your desk. I'll handle this."
Sweetie Belle did as she was told. Once seated, several thoughts ran through her head at light speed.
I'm a freak.
I can taste words.
I thought everypony could taste words.
Am I really the only pony who can?
Does that make me a freak?
I... Have no idea...
And with that, the distraught unicorn burst into tears.