//------------------------------// // Episode 72: Battle of the Big Daddies! The Hooded Offender Vs Smaug (Dragon Quest Arc Part 4) // Story: The Life of a Wanted Changeling Season 2: Debt to a Doctor (Comment Driven Story) // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// BrownDog's Comment The tension is high as Smaug, the fierce dragon of Lonely Mountain (the actual name of the volcano you now find yourself on), stares you down as you hold his now beaten son. You feel his eyes baring into your soul, and all you can do is quack in your outfit (Hooded Offender coat over your Subject Delta costume) gulp in fear as you think, Okay Bugze... you just beat the snot out of Smaug's kid. If how I act when Nightshade is in danger is any indication... I'm bucked. With that thought in mind and the slowly approaching dragon, you make a very brave and not stupid decision... You quickly get behind Garble and hold the drill up to his throat as you begin to sweat nervously. "Alright Smaug, let's just calm down here and think this through alright, heh heh ," you stammer. "Think this through? THINK THIS THROUGH?!!!" he roars causing you to flinch. "First you scar my eye when I was just trying to scare some stupid ponies for ruining my nap! Then you tried to steal my treasure and made me fight a hydra, ruining my nap again! Now I find you with my treasure once again, but now you're trying to kill my son! WHAT IN THE HOLY NAME OF HELLFIRE MAKES YOU THINK I'M GOING TO THINK THIS THROUGH?!!! AND YOU RUINED ANOTHER ONE OF MY BUCKING NAPS!!!!" he roars as he slams a claw angrily on the ground causing the earth to shake. Wow. With the points he brings up, you DO sound like a monster. Selena comments. "Eeep!" you cry as you start whirring the drill in front of Garble's throat in fear! "Alright, b-back the buck up! Or the Brat get's it!" you fearfully say, trying to sound tough. Fool! What do you think you can accomplish by provoking this dragon even further by taking his offspring as a hostage! You ignore Selena's comment as you focus on Smaug to see if your bluff worked. It seems to work as Smaug stops his walk towards you. You give a small sign of relief as you think in a panicked tone, OK, think Bugze think! There's no way anyone will buy this for long. This drill isn't even powerful enough to get through dragon scales! Oh Dear Luna, what the buck am I gonna do?! The girls and Spike look at you in shock as Garble starts crying again. Smaug especially seems off put by this, "Y-you wouldn't," he stammers. "Seriously they all bought that? I-I mean, yeah, I totally will because I am on the edge and deranged, and a full fledged Dragon Slayer!" you lie. "Daaadddyyy!!!!" Garble starts bawling again. "Oh Quit your blubbering, it's not like this thing can actually pierce your skin. If it could, you dudebros would be salsa by now." you mutter to him. "Wait, really? HEY DA-" You quickly clamp Garble's mouth with the Power Glove and rapidly say "Would You Kindly Freeze!"freezing the alpha dudebro's jaw shut so he can't reveal your bluff. You hear a smacking sound in your head as Selena yells, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT YOU IDIOT! Now that brat just has to breath fire and open his yap and we're finished! Your eye twitches in annoyance at this as you think back, Thanks for stating the obvious Selena! And it just slipped out! I didn't mean to- Your conversation with the being in your head is interrupted when Smaug growls and says, "You Miserable Little..." but stops when you put your drill back up. "OK Smaug, right now we are going to negotiate!" "Negotiate?" asks Smaug,Twilight, and the rest confused. Really... need I remind you the last time you tried to negotiate with a hostage you were set on fire. Oi! It was those stupid Diamond Dog minions that made it go south! This time noling will mess it up! Now let me show you how awesome my negotiating skills are! "That's right, I am going to take my hostage with me, and when we are far enough away, I'll release him back to you! All we ask is safe passage and no death by squashing, incineration, or consumption, not necessarily in that order" "What makes you think I can trust a thief like you?!" he says looking at you all. You glow your eyes at him and Smaug tenses. "Because you don't have a choice!" you growl. "Umm... We're not with him, so yeah, we don't agree to this," stammers Twilight as she, the girls, and Spike start walking away backwards. Your eye twitches slightly as this as you think in annoyance, Of course you're not with me. That's why you came back even through I told you all to run. You're totally not with me... You then realize that the ponies are still here, which causes you to turn your head towards them and yell, "WHY THE BUCK ARE YOU FOUR STILL HERE!?!" Do those fools have ANY instinct for self-preservation?! You snort at this and think, I doubt it. It's like they were born in a peaceful environment with no problems or chaos to make them have one... Oh wait. They did grow up in that environment! You shrug off that train of thought and wait for the ponies response, but before they can answer your question you hear Smaug grumble. You make a 'eep' sound as you turn back around to see Smaug look at Garble with tears rolling down his cheeks and then back to you. He glares at you with pure hatred before he says in a quiet voice (for a dragon at least), "Fine, just don't hurt the boy anymore than you already have. But I swear to you thief, I will kill you one day," The others breathe a sigh of relief, and you can't believe you've actually pulled it off. I can't believe this worked! I've never been able to bluff this well before. I could get anything from Smaug right now and he would agree... to... anything... ...Don't you even think about it you id- You cut off Selena's comment as you use your new found confidence to push your nonexistent luck. "Also, I want half your treasure right now!" "WHAT?!" Cries Smaug, the girls, Spike, Selena, and even Garble (muffled from beneath your glove). "You heard me! Give me the money, let's call it payment for damages your son and his friends caused me." Smaug's eyes light up with even more hatred, "You beat my son, and now you want money?!!!" "Enough stalling, GIVE ME THE MONEY!" you yell. "YOU MOTHERBUCKER! GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" "GIVE ME THE MONEY!" "GIVE ME BACK MY SON!" You two go back and forth like this for awhile, somehow everyling hears Techno Music in the background as the Girls and Spike look at this exchange slack-jawed, unsure of what to do. Taking advantage of yours and Smaug's impromptu music number, Garble back-kicks you in the groin and runs off back to his dad, clutching his broken wing. You fall to the ground as you hold your nards in pain (the armor protected you, but dragons are pretty strong and a nutshot is a nutshot) as you think, Little cheap-shotting motherbucker... After Smaug hugs and inspects him, he turns to you with a glare of pure rage as he roars, "ALRIGHT LITTLE THIEF! TIME TO DIE!!!" You gulp slightly as Smaug takes off at you with a running start with intent to kill. You have no one to blame but yourself! chides Selena Not now Selena! Curse my cocky personality! you think. Thinking quickly you... Kersey's Comment "Would yo kindly mix it up!" Activate "Mix Up Smash" and you desperately start scrolling the dials for a good combo. You're about to dodge when you see those gorram ponies are STILL BEHIND YOU! Why can't these bucking idiots take a hint! you think in annoyance. With a defeated sigh (and the dials on "Winter Blast" and "Electro Bolt") you just walk forward towards the incoming Smaug. Rainbow looks at the dragon in worry, obviously remembering her previous encounters with the dragon, before she looks at you and says, "Uh... Now might be a really good time for you to get angry." You give a resigned sigh as you turn back towards her and say, "That's my secret Fillyfooler. Thanks to you guys, I'm always angry." Here goes nothing! you think as you turn back around to face the incoming Smaug and call out, "FALCON PUNCH!" Except instead of your normal orange flame, the drill gets covered in super-dense ice that shatters on impact with Smaug's face and lets out a large electric shock that sends Smaug tumbling over your head and smashing onto the ground behind you and the ponies, shaking the earth as he impacts. You and the ponies (and dragons) can only gape in shock as you think, Did... Did I just Saddle Rager a bucking dragon! Before you can reflect on this further, Smaug starts to get back up as he growls in anger. The ponies and Spike take this as their que to run as they get out of the way of the angry dragon. When Smaug finally gets back up he glares at you and shouts, "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT, LITTLE THIEF!" "Tear him apart dad!" Garble cheers from a distance. You gulp at this and quickly put your hoof into The Inventory for anything you can use as a blunt weapon. You smirk slightly when you grab something and you pull out... Mind's Eye's Comment The damaged Metallic Mallet. When Smaug sees it, he snorts, "And you wonder why I don't like thieves taking my stuff. You break it!" "Do you want it back? I'm fine with that." You swing it in circles over your head as you gain a idea. You smirk slightly as you say, "Keep your eye on the birdie!" Smaug gives you a cocky look as he says, "And just what are you planning to do with that, little thief?" Your smirk turns into a full grown grin as you shout, "This! Would you kindly spark? For Odin! FOR ASGARD!" A jolt from the Power Glove strikes the hammer and engulfs it in lightning just as you let it fly. Smaug's eyes open wide as he comments, "What in the nine hells-*tok*" The hammer hits his mouth and gets lodged between two of his teeth. Before he can do anything else, the electricity courses through his saliva, causing his head to spasm from internal electric shocks until he crashes to the ground, shaking the earth as the hammer tumbles out of his mouth. All of you stand there in shocked silence as nopony/drake/ling says a word. Did... did you just knock out a dragon in one shot? Again? Sweet Luna, I think I knocked out a dragon in one shot. You look at the dragons, the ponies, and back to Smaug, lying motionless. This situation calls for only one reaction. "SUCK IT, JABRONI! HA HA!" You swagger up to giant lizard. "Look at you! I mean, look at you! You thought you could take ME?! The Hooded Offender, scourge of Appleloosa, crasher of Galas, and too many other things that I would have to think of right now?" You pick up the mallet and see that it has even more cracks on it then before, and you can only guess that'll last one more hit before it breaks into pieces, but you don't care right now, you just one-shoted a dragon! You jump on top of Smaug's head and pose in front of the ponies and other dragons (Spike and Garble) with the cracked hammer on your shoulder. "Who's the bug?! WHO'S THE BUG?!" You pound a hoof on one of Smaug's eyes. "Mess with the bull, you get the horns! Only I'm not a bull, and my horn is pretty small relatively speaking, but whatever! I took out a dragon in one shot!" You swing your hoof down to pound him again, and the eye snaps open, freezing you in place. "Good, because you won't get another." Smaug stands back up and whips his head back and forth, you shrieking and hanging on for dear life as long as you can. Your hold for dear life loosens and you eventually lose your grip and are flung backwards onto Smaug's back. The shaking stops long enough for you to stabilize yourself so you slowly get back up as you hold your head and think, Oh... I think I'm gonna be sick. It feels like my stomach wants to jump outta my mouth. You get rid of these thoughts and try to get off Smaug's back, but you are stopped when you see him staring right at you. You gulp slightly and he just snorts before he takes off causing you to hold on. You then see that he's headin towards a volcano! OH BUCK! HE'S GONNA MELT ME!!! What do I do?! WHATDOIDO- *ding* Kersey's Comment Remembering a scene from one of your favorite movies, you run up Smaug's back and take the Metalllic Mallet off your shoulder and hold it in your Power Glove and you declare, "Would you kindly FEEL HEAVEN'S WRATH!" This declaration channels lightning through the hammer before you bring the mallet down on Smaug's head, shattering the hammer but also shocking Smaug and making him crash down in the forest and tear through several trees. You stumble off Smaug's head and onto the ground sluggishly as you drop the handle that used to have the hammer on it. You give a couple of deep breaths before you say to yourself, "Luna, That was WAY too close! One more 'Mix Up' and my Power GLove will power down for recharge. Hopefully that last attack took him dow-*SLAM*" Your thought is interrupted when a massive red fist hits you dead on, sending you on a screaming flight before your body hits and bounces off the ground a couple of times and smashes through a tree. While your armor took most of the impact, it's starting to crack! But you don't notice this as you finally slam into the ground one more time and roll a good few feet before coming to a stop. You slowly get up and say, "I just... had to... say that. Curse you lady lu-" "He's over there dad!" Your sentence is interrupted when... Qwazer's Comment Smaug crashes down right in front of you and grabs you in his powerful grip before you could do anything. Panic snaps you out of your trance as you feel an increasing pressure from all sides. He holds you in front of his face; streams of smoke oozing from his nostrils, anger is all you can see in those piercing eyes. "This is for trespassing into my cave, Little Pig!" He declares as he rears his claw back and smashes you into the ground. Luckily your Delta armor took the brunt of the blow, but you don't know how much longer it'll withstand in the fight, not to mention against the might of a fully-grown pissed off dragon. Plus you hear metallic cracking, and you know that can't be a good sign... Smaug rears his claw back again and continues, "Disturbing my slumber!" *THUMP* *CRACK* "Stealing from my hoard!" *THUMP* *CRACK* "AND FOR HURTING!" *THUMP* *CRACK* "MY!" *THUMP* *CRACK* "SON!" *THUMP* *SHATTER* By now, you've lost count as to how many times you've been beaten into the ground (keeping consciousness was a priority after all), but sadly for you your Big Daddy Armor couldn't take anymore of the abuse it was taking, and it has shattered. You don't notice this as you try to stay conscious. Just don't think of what would happen if I were to fall unconscious. Retaliate you simpleton! Listening to Selena's advice, you take a deep breath and yell, "WOULD YOU KINDLY SPARK!" causing an arc of lightning fill your vision and you can feel Smaug's grip loosen slightly from the shock, but he roars, "ENOUGH WITH THE SPARKS!!!" It's still not enough! No need to point out the obvious! You shift your body into a position so that you could have enough space to perform your next move. You yell in determined rage as you whirl your drill, tearing up the flesh of the inside of Smaug' grip, causing the dragon to yell in pain as he finally lets go of you. You fall to the ground in a lump as pieces of the Big Daddy Armor fall from the sleeves and hood of your Nobody Coat around you. You growl slightly at this as your eyes glow orange when you see the pieces of your once cool armor surround. You can't help but say in anger as you slowly get up, "That motherbucker just ruined one of the nerdiest fancolt things I have ever had the pleasure to own. Big Daddy armor you will be missed... *snap* AND AVENGED!" But before you can live up to this thought, suddenly Smaug grabs you again. Even with your Armor Shell plasmid, without your armor you can feel your insides being squished from his grip and you cough up some green blood. Smaug lifts you up to eye level and says, "Now to finish you off, little thief" BrownDog's Comment "You know, back on that mountain, I wasn't even going to hurt those stupid Pony Pests even if the rainbow one hit me in the face! All I wanted was some piece and quiet, but you ruined that!" "Oh well... buck," you mutter to yourself. "But now you'll finally be gone!" he says as he opens his jaws to eat you. In desperation, you cry out, "Would you kindly burn!" Fortunately, your Power Glove was sticking out between his fingers so his eyelashes are set on fire causing him to drop you as he brings hsi claws to his face and roars in pain, "Graaagghhh!!! AGAIN WITH THE BUCKING EYE?!"* Luckily, Rainbow Dash catches you and flies off with you, joining the other girls and spike as they run away... "I told you guys to leave already!" "We can't just leave you to be eaten!" shouts Spike. "They're getting away!" Garble yells from the ground "GET BACK HERE!" Roars Smaug as he takes off and flies towards you all, the wind from his wings causing even Rainbow Dash to falter. Noticing that he;s catching up, you desperately manage to use a burst of Air Bending to give them all a speed boost... but unfortunately you were propelled backwards and pushing them forward causes them all to smack face first into rocks, knocking everypony (except Spike and Twilight) out. Seeing this makes you realize/say, "Buck! I have to get them outta here! But how... *ding* Oh for the love-, CRACKLE!!!" you shout. "Blarg?" she says as she sticks her head out of the Inventory When she does this, you see Twilight's eye twitch uncontrollably before she shouts, Kropsling66 comment "WHA- THAT IS LOGICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!" Ignoring her outburst, you look back over to Crackle and say, "Listen, I know we only just met and all, but you're a really good friend," She smiles at that as you continue, "So please, can you get the girls and Spike back to Ponyville safely? I'd really appreciate it." "Honk?" she asks. "Yeah, I'm sure I'll see you again," you say as you pat her head. "Blarg Honk Blarg!" she groans as she licks your head and rushes over to the downed ponies. She places them on her back along with Spike and flies off. As she flies away you can see Spike and Twilight looking back at you. One was with concern, the other was with a mix of concern and suspicion (guess which look belonged to which pony/dragon) as you think, With them out of the way, I can FINALLY continue fighting Smaug prope... *smack* You are immediately backhanded by Smaug into a nearby mountain with enough force to push you through the rock and into a cave. You cough up some blood as you get up and look around the cave you were just smashed into. Your eyes widen in shock when you see... While fighting you get smashed into a cave full of abondoned mining explosives. An image of Michael Bay says, "You know what to do," before vanishing. That you are in what looks like a abandoned mining cave, but what really is surprising is that it's chalk-full of mining explosives. You can't believe how many there are, and you're really glad that you don't have a match, when suddenly a image of an Earth Pony with a wavy mane, a black dresshirt, and a tan suit jacket (*) appears before you. You stare at the image in confusion as it says, "You know what to do." He then winks before the image of the pony quickly vanishes before you can even blink, but you don't knock his words of wisdom as you soon gain a very... explosive idea. "That guy's writing sucks, but he sure knows how to cause one Tartarus of a ka-boo-" But before you can carry it out Smaug's hand smashes into the cave, grabs you, and violently pulls you out of the cave and throws you, the momentum sending you roughly tumble-rolling a couple of times before finally stopping when you slam against a tree. You cough up more green blood and you feel like just falling over now, but your eyes are glowing a blazing orange as you think, BrownDog's Comment Selena! Yes? Do it! She laughs happily, About Bucking Time! With this, midnight colored mist begins to appear on you and it spreads like wildfire all over your body forming the fox-like Nightmare Cloak. Smaug senses the dark magic and tenses, "Wh-what is this power?" Your Nightmare Cloak glows (patching your earlier injuries) as it finishes forming at two tails and you smile at him with glowing eyes, "Oh nothing, just thought I'd introduce you to my lovely companion, The True Goddess of the Night!" you growl out in two voices. Assuming Direct Control "What?" asks Smaug. "Good evening dragon, I think you've been wailing on my Bug and I for faaaar too long. I guess what I am trying to convey is... IT'S MY TURN NOW!" Selena roars with a smile with enough force to even force Smaug back a few steps and you spot something in his eyes that wasn't there before. Tiny, but definitely there... Fear. What do you/Selena do?