Quick Reminder:
Eli's dialogue is always in the Dalek voice, even if it is not in all caps.
That is all, TO THE CHAPTER!
“Is it bigger than a breadbox?” Discord asks.
“No…” I groan.
“Is it smaller than the moon?”
“Yes.”
He puts on a thoughtful expression for a moment before he get's an 'idea' face and he says,
“Is it a double-decker bus full of clowns, all named Carl and Larry, except for one trapeze artist that is a vegetarian that actually sneaks hay-bacon when nopony is looking?”
This actually gets me to look at him in surprise for a moment (or at least pretend to), which is a rare thing indeed at this point; you’d think after one THOUSAND years of this nonsense I’d have heard all that could ever surprise me. And still, every now and then something new comes out of his metaphysical mouth.
“No.” I put blankly, “It was gardener Green’s lawn mower.”
Discord sputters out an incomparable slew of gibberish before finally settling on, “I knew that all along. Ooh, I know! Who wants to join me for a game of Monopoly?”
A chorus of groans echo from all the other statues in the garden.
“Discord, could you give us a moment’s peace for ONE day?!” Bright Banneret yells from her pedestal, “It’s bad enough you've awoken us when we should be resting for when Celestia needs us most, but you have to go and make every day a battle to stay sane!”
For the longest time I thought it would just be me and Discord here. But one by one they were brought to stand beside us, hero’s and warriors from all throughout Equestria’s history; ponies who had no place in a world without war and conflict and were set in stone here, whether by choice, or forcefully in a few cases. While I feel a great deal of sympathy for them, I’m really glad they’re here in this garden; if they weren't here to offer some stability and diversity to our talks, I think I would have gone insane beyond hope of return a VERY long time ago.
Suddenly Which Witch, one time psychopathic necromancer and our current lookout, gets our attention. “Hey hey hey, everypony! Somepony’s coming!” he says spastically, “It looks like that tour group Epic Flail was goin’ on ‘bout last week!”
Everyone talks excitedly among themselves, wondering what this new group will be like. We rarely get visitors in the garden anymore, and when it’s not one of the gardeners there for work, or Princess Sunbutt taking a walk down memory lane, it’s usually just some prissy noble meeting with their associates while they conspire to assassinate Celestia or something equally as stupid.
Now I know what you might be thinking… ahem “Er mah gerd! Assersinate Celerstia? That terrible!” and you’d think it would drive some of us crazy, seeing as how some of these mooks actually respect that heartless harpy. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from being here almost a thousand years now, it would be the fact that you don’t mess with Celestia.
In fact, every time another foolish noble come around here talking about biting off more than he can chew, all of us secretly rejoice, because it means we’ll be getting a new stony friend soon. And then we open the betting pool on how long they’ll last. One was actually caught right here where we could all watch him get stoned, after only two days! But hey, with a name like Stabby Back, what did anypony expect from the guy?
Yeah, royal coup attempts are old news with us. The real excitement comes from young nobles and their significant others, sneaking out to be alone while they do what most would consider to be scandalous.
And before you bash on me for it, no I don’t watch while they, uh… practice their sandwich making. Those of us with any honor at all will avert our omnipresent gaze.
As sappy as it sounds, most of us just enjoy seeing young couples in love; fawning over them if you will. Maybe it’s because it’s one of the few things that truly resonates with all of us, something that all of us have a clear concept of, and it makes us remember what it’s like to feel alive again. And it’s always heart wrenching to hear when two can’t be together because they were born in different social classes. LOVE KNOWS NO ECONOMIC STATUS DAMMIT!
Heh, sorry. But like I said, we take it seriously. You tend to find a whole new respect for this kind of thing when your force to see it happen over and over again for a thousand years. But still, we stone heads usually get really excited when a new couple comes here.
In fact, the only thing that gets all us stone-heads more excited would have to be-
“CHILDREN!” Sheer Bolt shrieks with glee as the group of foals pass by her station at the hedge gate.
Immediately the garden is alight with voices unheard by any of the younglings.
“Oh my gosh, they’re looking at me!” Bright Banneret almost squeals when the teacher introduces her, and the students ooh and ahh.
Although I swear I saw one of the filly's just roll her eyes in a mocking matter, it was probably nothing. I mean no one who's ever heard of Banneret's legend would even think about rolling their eyes at her.
Banneret told us all once; she was a raw recruit, tasked with her team of ponies fresh out of training to deliver a strategic reserve of medical supplies to the front lines. Out of nowhere, a dozen diamond-dogs burst out of the ground and had them surrounded while a griffon strike team, that had been eyeing them from above, swooped down as well. Her five squadmates were about to throw down their spears and surrender, but she took the lead and pushed them onward. Using their own delivery cart as a battering ram, and as a shield against the griffons from above, they broke through the enemy ambush.
There was a chase and a fight afterwards, which ended with Banneret being disarmed and locked in single combat with the griffon commander. And so she baited him closer to the supply wagon where she swerved away from his sword and impaled him with the shaft of an Equestrian flag. Her team rallied around her and drove off the rest of the demoralized enemy forces. She said that it was that skirmish which earned her her cutiemark, and got her promoted to a leader position that she held until the end of the war.
She's the most respected warrior out of all that reside in the gardens. I swear when she first got preserved and moved here the other soldiers wouldn't shut-up about it; complements and the praising and "Please tell us another story Banner-senpai!" for days. It got so bad that Discord put them all back to sleep for a whole twenty years! Best twenty years of my stone life honestly.
But anyways, she's a big deal. Though it seems like the foals are stopping to look at my statue for a change. This is strange since the tour groups throughout the years would normally just walk past me, laughing and calling me a trash can. So the fact that the teacher is actually stopping them here is interesting.
“What’s this one?” a chubby colt points at me “It looks like a trash can!”
And there it is.
“This statue, while humorous looking, was rumored to be a bringer of calamity and destruction; a destroyer of kingdoms.” The teacher tells them.
Oh come on- it was a MISTAKE! I didn't know what would happen! I curse in my mind.
The clots and fillies ooh at this as the teacher continues,
"The princess named this creature 'Terror' for it's crimes. It's been said that long ago, an ancient city of crystals was overthrown by a wicked king's dark magic. It was said that Terror was the King's ultimate weapon, and he used it to ensure that none would oppose his rule."
The teacher gets a sad look as she continues,
"When the time came that the Princesses tried to defeat the usurper King, and save the city, Terror was unleashed to destroy it, so that if he could not have the crystal city, nopony could. To this day, no trace has ever been found of that kingdom destroyed by Terror, and it only lives on in memories and myths." she finished by bowing her head in respect for those who were lost.
"Okay... no. No. No. No. No. NO. SHUT UP DISCORD!" I scream as Discord cackles incessantly at how warped my tale has become, "There's just so much wrong with that, I don't even know where to begin! I mean come on, I tried to save that place! God darn it Celestia, how'd you let this happen; history may be written by the victor, but this is just blatant lying!"
"Oh-hoh you're arguing the correctness of history with Celestia?!" Discord howls, "She's the Princess that let everypony forget that she had a little sister for a thousand years! And you're expecting her to keep your story straight? She doesn't even know you!"
I give a annoyed huff as I whine,
"It's just so unfair."
"Life's not fair buddy, but that's why it's fun to watch." Discord gives me a verbal nudge before breaking into hysterics again.
After my statue the teacher leads the group of kids to a couple other statues. Conveniently, all the statues they visit are some of the good guys that were stoned. Huh...I guess my deed was so bad, even through it was a total accident, that she needed to show them some hero's. Eventually the teacher leads them to the final statue on the tour, Discord's. How do I know he's the last one? Well for some reason whenever tours come through they always end at his statue, usually because two or more ponies are fighting. It's become a sort of tradition around here.
“Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?” the teacher, which I can now see has a dark pink mare with a bouncy pink mane asks the group of fillies and colts behind her.
Immediately, three fillies jump to the head of the group and start listing off everything they can see about my mismatched friend.
“It's got an eagle claw!”
“And a lion paw!”
“And a snake tail!”
“My my, quite a rambunctious rabble we have here today. They almost remind me of me.” Discord comments through our thought link as the teacher silences them with a hoof, and begins a quick explanation of just what in the world Discord is.
“Man, I never got along with kids back home.” I tell him, and it was true, if they were under legal driving age, I just found them annoying or needy. And I could never properly interact with anyone who didn’t get pop-culture references from my own childhood (meaning in most cases, before they were born).
Still, my opinions of children may have shifted a bit since I spent A DAMN MILLENNIA set in stone. We almost never see children, or at least not nearly as much as the grown ponies, and it’s always something special to see the innocence and dreams in them, and wonder how they’ll change the world with their lives.
“What do you suppose that represents?” the teacher asks in regards to Discord.
“Confusion!”
“Evil!”
“Chaos!” The three fillies from before shout out, jumping atop one another to get their message heard louder.
“It's not chaos, you dodo!” the white unicorn squeaks at the orange pegasus.
“Don't call me things I don't know the meaning of! And it is too chaos!” the pegasus shoots back.
“You're both wrong!” the third member, an earth pony with an oversized bow joins in as the three come to blows.
“You know what… I still hate kids. And now I’m fearing for the future of this world. What a glorious day this has been.” I remark, and yet my normally obnoxious companion is being unusually silent. Which is not good in my book because a quiet Discord is a scheming Discord. And considering the last time he did this he made all of us stone heads speak backwards for ten whole years, I don't want him to think too long for another 'great' idea,
“Discord? You still with us?”
“Oh my, is it that time already? That certainly came sooner than expected.” I hear him mumble to himself, although not really; all of us can still hear him plain as day through that mind link of his.
“Oi! What are you muttering about over there?” I question him.
“Oh nothing… nothing at all… nothing... at…” he waits patiently, as if stalling for time.
I look around to see that the last stragglers of the students are finally passing the threshold of the garden. Then suddenly the stone around Discord explodes off him in a shower of pebbles and confetti.
“Ooh, oh. Ga-hah-ahh!” he moans as he cracks his joints in the most anatomically impossible manner I've ever seen. “Mmph, being trapped in stone for a thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck. Now then, time to get this chaos party started right.”
He gives a snap of his fingers and in an instant, all those of us who were turned to stone are free and flesh again, or metal in my case. Most run off after dramatically yelling that this will be their second chance to rule the world, or something to that effect. Others just glare at Discord before running off to the castle, perhaps to warn someone.
I see that most of the good guys, heroes and the like are staying behind and looking ready for a fight, but Banneret, who I can now tell has a light tan coat and a red mane and tail with fiery orange streaks through them, whistles for their attention before she says,
"We can worry about Discord later, right now we have a bunch loose criminals and psychopaths to deal with. General Iron Wing, I want you and some of the others handling the west side of Canterlot. Sargent Spearhead, take the rest of the men and search the east side. I'll go and inform Celestia about Discord's escape, then I'll take two squads to search the north and south. Move it!"
The hero's and warrior's look reluctant at first, before they all eventually nod their heads and head off with their respective leaders. Banneret gives Discord a glare as she says,
"Prepare to lose Discord, their won't be another reign of chaos as long as I'm unstoned."
Discord gives a mischievous smile before he says,
"Go ahead and try my dear, but you should know me well enough after all these years that I don't go down easily."
Banneret just snorts before she gives me one last look, she then turns around and heads into the castle. Then...it's just me and Discord left in the garden.
Discord gives a mischievous laugh. “Well that ought to keep things interesting for a while.” He says while shuffling his fingers, no doubt scheming something big. Then he notices me just standing there. He gives a...glee of excitement before he says giddily,
“Oh! Look who decided to stick around! What do you say we go have some real fun?”
Considering how we spent easily the longest time trapped together, and formed a common bond between us during that time, there was really only one answer I could give.
“Heck no you twisted fruitloop! I’ve had to put up with you for the last ten centuries, you’re the last person I’d want to hang out with!” I tell him, my voice distorted and metallic once again.
He gives me a rather startled frown, but continues trying to persuade me. “Are you quite sure?” he swoops down and puts a paw around my upper torso “It would be the perfect chance to get a spot of revenge… against a certain pair of Princesses.”
Suddenly my mind is pulled back to that day when they set me in stone. It wasn't even my fault, they just jumped to conclusions because of their anger and grief. I was left to go mad for so long because of them. My mind starts to tread a dark path as I think,
Dang he knows how to make an offer sound enticing. And it would be nice to give her royal snappyness some comeuppance for trapping me in the first place. I could even… exterminate her. Like a true Dalek would! And I should. I need to! I’M GONNA ROAST HER ON THE END OF MY LASER LIKE A BIG WHITE MARSHMALLOW AND-
“Well?” Discord asks, clearly impatient and ripping me from my bloodthirsty thoughts.
I have to shake myself internally to make sure I’ve got my head-piece on straight. “No.” I tell him simply.
There's no way I'm gonna prove those twisted sister's right. I'm no monster, I am no terror! I am not a Dalek! I am normal human trapped in a creature that could wipe out this whole planet. ...Okay maybe I am a monster but I am no terror!
Giving a mental nod to what I just said, I focus back on Discord as he literately deflates and says,
“Fine then.”
He then pops back up as if he were a balloon as he says, “Be a party pooper. I have plans to visit an old friend.” He then snaps his fingers and vanishes from existence.
“Okay then, time to enact my own plan.”
I quickly start wheeling my way around to the front of the castle, hoping to find the Canterlot library, and more specifically its magic archives.
I was trapped in stone for a long time, and through the bouts of going crazy, I've had a lot of time to think of a plan. Most of it started as purely hypothetical, daydreams of what I could do. But the longer I spent in this place, the more I learned I might not be trapped forever like I though; my first hope being when I met Banneret. I asked her if she was ever freed, if she’d put in a good word for me.
She said she’d think about it.
But still, it was hope. And since then I’d been seriously thinking about how I’d get back to my own body, to my own world and if need be, my own time when I arrived.
It took a lot of conversing with the backstabbing nobles, but it basically boiled down to: I’m here because “magic”, and what I am because “magic”. There’s a library containing everything about magic in the castle, so I’ll start there and hope there’s a way to get my life back to normal.
Okay… not a perfect, all-encompassing plan, but give me a break, those nobles were a bunch of assholes. And besides, if all goes well I’ll be back with my friends by the end of the day, letting everything that’s happened wash away like a bad dream. And if I'm really lucky, I'll run into that pony version of the Doctor so I can tell him that I'M NOT A EVIL CREATURE!
“Princess Celestia!” a mare with fierce red eyes and a blonde coat barged through the double doors of the throne room, the royal guard stationed failing to stop her.
She ran to the foot of the throne and knelt down, maintaining eye contact with the startled Princess. “Lieutenant Bright Banneret reporting in!” she stated clearly and firmly.
“Banneret?” Celestia said, containing a bit of mild shock. She motioned for her guards to stand down and stepped forward to speak with the mare. “How is this possible? I thought you were in the statue garden, resting in stone.”
“I was your highness, we all were. But Discord broke us out, me and all the others, good and bad. He’s free again your majesty.” Banneret told her as concisely as possible.
Celestia gasped and quickly found a quill and parchment to write on, setting it aside for just a moment while she addressed her awoken soldier.
“It is fortunate you are here my friend, we may very well have need of your skills. Gather the others if you can and meet in the courtyard. Sergeant Ironside!” Celestia called and a thick muscular stallion stepped forward with a salute “You and your men are under Lieutenant Banneret’s command until further notice.”
Iron gave a nod and followed Banneret as she galloped out of the throne room. But before she left she turned back to Celestia and said,
"I've already ordered Sargent Spearhead and General Iron Wing to search the west and east sides of Canterlot. Me and Lieutenant Ironside will search the north and south parts of Canterlot."
With that said Banneret and Ironside rush out of the throne room. Celestia nodded and watched them go, bringing up her quill and parchment to begin a letter to her faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. She knew Discord was the top priority to stop, but her mind was still plagued with worry over the dozens of others she’d sealed away; ruthless warlords, necromancers and users of forbidden magic, and that one creature… the Dalek
.
That strange stallion had told her and Luna how dangerous it was, but could it be true? “I must act quickly.” She told herself as she sent off the letter, “Who knows what horrors could that monster be unleashing at the very moment?”
“ARRGH! Lacking navigation equipment. Sense of direction impaired. Frustration levels rising. Quandary: why is this structure so difficult to navigate? EXPLAIN!” I shouted at the top of my Dalek lungs as I turned down another corridor only to find that it was indeed, not where I wanted to go.
“Of course. The very first thing that’s integral to my plan succeeding, and I didn’t bother to ask anypony for directions.” I chastised myself as I rolled down identical hallway number fifty-three. “Just great.”
Just then a door flew open and slammed me right in the eye-stock.
“Ow! What is the meaning of this sudden transgression?” I screamed as I wobbled back a few paces.
“My apologies sir, I didn’t-“ a maid started as she came around the open door with a basket of laundry in her teeth and a service trolley pulled behind her. She stopped mid sentence and looked around. “Hello, is anypony there? I swear I heard a voice just now.”
“That was me you hit.” I speak up. “Do you know where the library is?”
The maid looked at the thing before her, and in a snap decision threw her basket of fresh folds onto him and ran off screaming, “The furniture’s come to life again!”
I give an annoyed sigh and I shake off the towels.
A few minutes later I’d finally found a map of the castle, neatly framed and hung on the wall of an intersecting hallway.
“Okay then… let’s see here.” I mumbled to myself as I scanned the color-coded parchment, “Ah, there’s the library on the west side!” I exclaimed
“And I’m… aw cut me a break already…”
There, written in stark white on a big red arrow were the words “YOU ARE HERE.” all the way on the far north-east wing. And something about those words… those plain, simple, glaring words made my mind go crazy. They were just sitting there… telling me how far I had yet to go.
I stared at them for a moment.
...
“STOP MOCKING ME!” I yell at the offending letters, “EXTERMINATE!” I blasted the map, leaving a layer of melted plastic and scorched paper.
Satisfied with my revenge, I continued on my way.
It could have been hours or it could have been minutes. But I didn't really care, because all that mattered was that I had made it. Before me were the polished gold trimmed doors that held the answer to all my problems within. I pushed my way through.
“Alright…” I give a victorious greeting to the rows upon rows of shelved books. “So uh… where’s am I supposed to start?”
*Two hours later*
“Nope…” *Clunk* “Nope…” *Flop* “Nope…” *Shatter* “Nope…” *Book-hitting-floor sound*
I groan as I reached the end of another shelf. “Man, these ponies need to invent Google.”
There was one book of simple cantrips that I flipped through early on, out of idle curiosity. But I wasn't sure how to even use any of the spells without a horn like unicorns had, so I popped open one of the suit’s outer panels and shoved it inside; maybe I’d figure it out later.
Yet in all the time I’d spent searching, I haven’t found anything titled even remotely close to “Turning back to your normal self for dummies” or “Get home to your own universe 101”. Most of the stuff was either boring history books, books on magical theory, things written in languages I couldn't even read, or even one misplaced cookbook.
“This is so hopeless.” I said as I waded through all the books I’d simply let fall from the shelves.
As I search through some more shelves, I can't help but start to remember why I'm doing this in the first place. It was around two hundred years ago when Discord asked a question. A question that changed my view on this whole Dalek suit...
200 Years Ago
"So what are you exactly? Some technomancer's experiment gone wrong?" Discord asks me on this particularly sunny day.
Seeing as how it's not his usual brand of annoyance, and instead seems like genuine interest, I decide to dignify it with a response. "I'll have you know I'm a human, thanks very much."
"A human?" he sounds almost perplexed.
"Yeah, you know. Bipedal, two arms, big brains that invent things and we turn simple disagreements into wars? Humans." I elaborate.
"Oh yes yes, I know what humans are. Haven't seen any around here in a very long time, but I remember them quite clearly. And you my boy, are certainly not a human, not in the slightest." He tells me.
"And what would you know about what makes someone human?" I counter "You're not all that human yourself last I checked."
"Oh but I know a lot more about it than you might think. But just look at yourself." he says.
I feel the focus between our minds sharpening for a second, and suddenly we're in a wholly different place. There doesn't seem to be a floor, and the air and scenery in the distance is made entirely of colors, more neutral and calm on my side, wild and spastic from where Discord stands. I realize I'm able to move again as well, but my glee is short lived when I realize where we are.
"Ooh, it's been a while since I've created a mindscape with anyone, but it's necessary to show you the truth." Discord says and calmly saunters up.
He raps my metal helmet a few times with his lion paw and there's a hissing noise as a few panels open up, and I feel strange. For one thing, I can actually feel for the first time since I've arrived.
He snaps his fingers and a full-body mirror appears in front of me, and I'm horrified at what I see. Inside the open Dalek suit is not my human body, crippled or otherwise, but an actual Dalek squid thing. I slap myself with my tentacles, feeling my squishy face and trying to say something, but my mouth won't let me speak.
"See?" Discord asks "I told you that you weren't human, but did you believe me? Nnnooo-ooo."
"B-but... I was a human. I was a human with human friends, and a human job and everything." I can feel my mind start to deny what's happening
"This has to be some sort of trick, you're tricking me! This can't be real!"
"Oh it's no joke." Discord assures me "As much as I'd like to be able to mess with some heads, those blasted Elements have sealed away all possibility for lies and deception. So you'd better believe it's true."
And with that, the mindscape faded away, and I was left back in the gardens. Preforming that kind of face to face obviously drained Discord's powers quite a bit, or maybe he was just giving me the cold shoulder, because he didn't make a single sound until autumn rolled around that year. And it gave me a whole lot of time to think about just what in the world had happened to me.
Back to the Present
It was on that day I vowed to find some way home, and to find some way to turn me back to my good old human self. But considering how none of these magic books know anything about transformation or portals, I might never get to complete that vow.
"I'm doomed..."
In my moment of silence and doubt, I heard something coming down the hallway outside the doors; it sounded like hoofsteps, and there were a lot of them. Not long after, a group of six ponies passed by the door, each talking to each other about a maze or something. But it wasn't until the last one passed by the door that anyone took notice of my presence. She was a purple unicorn with a no-nonsense mane-cut, and she looked absolutely horrified at what she saw.
“Hey Twi, y’all comin or what?” one of the others, an orange pony in a stetson called back to her, but she was in no mood to listen.
Instead she darted into the room and stated scooping up entire piles of the discarded books. “Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no.” she muttered in a panic as she tried to get them all back onto the proper shelves “It’s okay little ones. No, don’t cry. Mama Twilight’s here, everything will be okay.” She cooed to them like they were children.
“Uh, Equestria to Twilight? You realize there’s an evil mastermind out there causing all kind of chaos right?” a rainbow-maned pegasus asked as she and the other three backtracked as well.
Twilight shot a glare at them all. “There’s no time for that! Just look at this mess!”
“So… you wouldn’t happen to know anything about books and magic would you?” I speak up, alerting them that I’m not just part of the library’s décor.
They turn to me in surprise. The one with the rainbow hair and the southern sounding one take a defensive stance. The white one and the yellow one hide behind them. While the really, really, really pink one just got a huge smile on her face and she started to bounce.
...
That one's gonna give me a migraine in the future, I just know it. Anyway, I tune in back to the Twilight pony as she says unsurely,
“Uh, yeah. That’s kinda my specialty.”
“Oh good. I’ve been searching this place top to bottom for hours now. I have no Idea what I’m even supposed to be looking for.” I tell her.
Suddenly the mare is right up in my lens. “What!?” she squawks “YOU did this to all these poor defenseless books!? What kind of horrible, despicable, disgusting, disturbing , psychopathic monster are you?”
I search for answer as she fogs up my eye lens with her heavy breaths.
...
“Um, I’m a Dalek.”
Twilight blinks a couple times before she backs off. "Dalek? What in Celestia's name is a Dalek?" she taps her chin in thought “Are you a sorting robot? Because you’re doing a terrible job if that’s the case.”
I imagine myself giving her look of confusion (having no face and all that is hard to get used to when I used to be able to quite literally get my thoughts across). "Wait...Celestia never told you what a Dalek is?" I ask.
Twilight and the others clap their hooves to their ears in pain as she responds through gritted teeth, "No, she never once mentioned a 'Dalek' thing before."
I image another confused look as I ask the other ponies too,
"None of you have heard of a Dalek before?"
They cover their ears again before the white one gives a little huff. "I'm sure I would remember somepony telling me of a talking trashcan with a voice like hooves on a chalkboard. Seriously dear, please use your indoor voice."
The other ponies shake their heads in the negative as well. I give a robotic sigh before explaining myself. "First of all, my voice is stuck at this volume. If I find the button to lower the volume, I’ll be sure to let you know. Secondly, a Dalek is an alien being from another world."
They also happen to have a huge superiority complex and try to kill everything that's not a Dalek. But I think I'll keep that part to myself. No reason for Celestia to get actual reasons to stone me.
Twilight and the other ponies just stare at me in this weird expression that I don't know the meaning of. After a couple more seconds of awkward silence the rainbow one flies up to my eyestock and demands,
"So you’re an alien huh? Are you some sort of alien spy then!? An invader?! An alien invader here to spy on the Princess?"
I back up from the rainbow one, and just stare at her for a few seconds before I turn my head towards the orange one in a stetson. "Please tell me this one is not serious." I say to her.
The orange one snaps out of her gaze and chuckles awkwardly before saying,
"I'm afraid so partner, Rainbow here tends to jump the barn when she meets...interesting ponies. But she does make a fair point, how do we know that you’re not some evil invader, or one of this Discord feller’s crazy creations?"
I nod my eyestock at her logic; it seems perfectly reasonable. I mean if I found some strange alien creature I would think they we're up to something too. After all, human logic also dictates that all aliens are evil till they save the earth and/or save a human’s life. Anyway, I should probably explain that I'm not evil or one of Discord's crea- wait a minute there.
Wait just a darn minute...she thinks Discord made me up? That’s just…
"Bwah...hahah...hahaha...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Now let me tell you, in hindsight, laughing like this is a pretty bad idea all things considered. A Dalek’s laughter is the creepiest thing you'd ever hear, it's like a robot laughing, but with a touch of insanity and bloodlust.
Of course I was too caught up the moment to notice this fact, me being Discord’s pawn in all this is too hilarious for me not to laugh at.
The ponies on the other hand were giving me the most freaked out looks I've ever seen, rightfully so. But thankfully I calm down enough to stop laughing before they decided to attack me. I stare at them for a second as I calm down before I tell them with a sigh,
"Sorry about that, it's just really funny that you guys thought Discord made me. That nutter couldn't make me up even at his best. You see I'm actually a human turned into Dalek. My name is Eli Minute-"
"Eliminate? What kind of name is that?" the pink bouncy one asks.
"No no no, not Eliminate. Eli-"
My sentence is interrupted when I suddenly get the intense urge to move to the right. I decide to follow this instinct, and just in time to as a midnight colored laser shoots over where I used to be. I look at the spot in anger before I shout out,
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS TRANSGRESSION! EXPLAIN! EXPLAIN!"
I look over to where the laser came from, and my blood runs cold as I see who shot it.
"Luna..."
“Princess?!” the ponies yell in surprise.
The midnight pegacorn comes out of the shadows and glares at me as she yells in a voice that puts even my Dalek yelling to shame,
"STAND BACK SUBJECTS, GET AWAY FROM THAT MONSTER!"
I give a robotic growl as the ponies from before back off as Luna lands in front of them. I calm myself down slightly as I say,
"Oh, if it isn't trigger finger Luna here to fly off the handle again, come to blast me to stone for accidentally yelling in a library?"
Luna snorts at my comment as she says,
"We are here to stop thou from helping Discord continue his reign."
Oh I wish I could give her a deadpanned look right now. Curse the Daleks and their lack of facial features! Anyway, I image giving her a deadpanned look as I say,
"And what makes you think that I'd help that whackjob?"
Luna glares at me as she says,
"We saw thou talking with Discord when he was freed. We became suspicious of what thou were up to, so we followed in the shadows. When thou went into the magical archives, we knew what your plan was. Discord must have commanded you to find a spell to destroy the elements! We followed thee in while thou wasn’t looking.” She says smugly “We shan’t let thou harm our subjects, now stand down or we will not miss a second time."
I can't help but be furious at her stupidity.
She thinks I'd work with Discord to help kill innocent ponies. I would never kill an innocent person! Sure, I'm a Dalek and my only purpose is to kill people, but I'm still human on the inside! I’m better than that! And yet this arrogant twat thinks I'm trying to kill her ponies, for Discord no less! You little piece of-
I suddenly lose focus as I aim my laser at Luna and shout,
"I WILL NOT STAND BY AND BE ACCUSED OF CRIMES I DID NOT COMMENT! STAND DOWN OR I WILL EXTERMINATE YOU!"
“Exterminate this!” Luna shouts and blasts a beam of magic my way.
I dodge it again and instinctively fire my death beam at her. She counters it with another blast of her own and they clash in the center, neither giving any ground.
She lets off a grunt of discomfort and amplifies the intensity of her beam. I do the same, equalizing the exchange once again.
Sparks fly off from the point of contact as the two of us continue to pour into the duel and land in a pile of loose scrolls, setting them ablaze.
“NNNOOOOOO!” I suddenly hear as Twilight dives into Princess Luna and knocks her out of the way, leaving our beams to swerve and miss each other, carving streaks into the walls on either side of us. “Princess what are you thinking, these records are irreplaceable!” Twilight scolds her as she magically extinguishes the flames. "Or at least they are until I have a spare weekend to copy them all down!"
I realize that last time we faced off ending with me trapped in stone, and I’m not ready to take my chances again. So, deciding it’s time for a hasty getaway, I look for the nearest exit, which happens to be a window to my right.
I dash (roll quickly) for it, and prepare to throw myself right through it, consequences be damned.
“HALT VILLAIN!” I hear Luna yell after me.
“I’m not evil you stupid- *Crash* biiiiiiiittcch!” I yell back at her as I jump out the window and plummet down the fifteen story fall.
Weird, it was on the ground in the front of the building. Wait…
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
I shut my eye as I wait to hit the ground. It may not hurt in this indestructible body, but it's still terrifying seeing the ground rushing towards you. A few seconds go by but nothing happens.
I dare to open my eye, and find that I'm floating in mid-air! I start to panic how it's possible that I'm flying..when it hits me.
"Oh yeah...Daleks can float. How'd I forget that!?! Man, Matt would never let me live that down if he found out."
Shrugging off that bout of stupidness, I try to fly around. Apparently it's just like video games, inverted and difficult as hell. Eventually though I get the hang of it, at least to the point that I'm not crashing into anything (my apologies to the walls and that one window cleaner). It seems I'm just in time too, as I see some pegasus guards coming my way. I give a robotic 'tick' as I think.
Go figure that Luna would send some lackeys after me instead of fighting me straight on. That coward, thinking I'm not good enough to be dealt with face to eyestock! Well whatever, I'll have my vengeance later. In the meantime I'd better lose these guys before they give me a reason to deem them 'not innocent and requiring a lazer to the face.'
With that thought in mind, I turn around and start to make a break for it with the pegesi in hot pursuit. I fly around tower after tower of the castle trying to shake these guys off, but they just won't give up!
"Land now creature in the name of the princesses or we will be forced yo use drastic measures!" one shouts as he pulls alongside me.
I give a snort before I turn around and shout,
"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE COPPERS!"
Hehehe, always wanted to say that. Now to just dodge them-
"Oh shoot WA-*crash*
Apparently turning around to mock this worlds police while flying is a bad idea. Cause right now I'm crashing through multipa walls of a tower at the moment.
"OW!*crash*OW!*crash*OW!*crash*OW!*crash*WHY ARE THERE SO MANY WALLS!*crash*"
I crash through the final wall of the tower and start falling towards a...really tricked out maze. I mean it's huge, and I think part of it's even upside down! How is that even possi-oh...Discord's out...nevermind. Wait...is that him standing at the entrance with those ponies from the library? And why is he looking my way with a giant catchers mitt?
Oh, it's because I'm still crashing isn't it? Wait a second...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"
After several terrifying seconds of shouting and falling, I finally land in the catcher's mitt with a loud *Th-wumpf*
I hear cheering from several spontaneous Discord clones all in baseball fan attire, while the real one lets out a hearty chuckle, "Oh, looks like I caught the foul ball! Go me." he says while he autographs posters for the fans consisting of other hims.
"Shut it Discord, and put me down!" I demand.
Discord sighs and I hear him snap his fingers, making his clones and baseball gear disappear back into the nothingness they come from. I end up landing back on the ground, and notice the six ponies from before are here as well, staring at me with a great amount of unease.
I heave a mental sigh as I realize,
Great, that means Luna probably l told them the 'truth' of what I am. Now how am I gonna to convince them to help me get home!?
I snap my lens over to Discord when I hear him giggle a bit; never a good sign that. I imagine a glare as I ask,
"Why'd you giggle just now? Please don't tell me you painted me pink...again!"
Long story about that, has a group mind merge and a bet gone wrong involved in it.
But Discord shakes his head no, as he says,
"Oh no no no...well yes. But that's not why I'm giggling. I'm admiring your newest art piece. I must say it really is fascinating."
I image a confused look as I turn to look at what he's looking at, only to see the multiple Dalek shaped holes in the tower I just crashed through. I stare at it a little longer, questioning how I made a prefect outline of a Dalek in the wall, when the tower slowly starts to tip over. I hear the ponies gasp behind me as part of the tower slides off and falls to the ground, well the rest of it crumbles into pieces. There's a loud crumbling sound as a smoke stack pops up into the air. I can image a sweat drop forming behind my robot head as Discord laughs hysterically behind me. I give a robotic growl as I turn around to face him.
He suddenly puts on a art critic cloths, and gives a small scrutinizing nod towards the destruction unfolding. "Oh such a shame. Good art never seems to last these days, they always seem to crumble away into nothing but dust. Or maybe that's just symbolic life in general? Well except for me... I never go out of style!" He laughs before he snaps his clothes off in a flash, and is back to his vanilla brand of insane.
I give a annoyed tick and are about to tell him to shut up, when he suddenly flips me around, puts his arm around my shoulder, and says,
"You know what Dally, you popping up here just gave me a great idea for these fine young ladies game!"
I image a look of confusion as I ask, "Game? What game, and why are they playing one? If it's scrabble with Neighponiese words again, I swear I'm gonna-"
"Hey! What are you two talking about over there!?" the Rainbow pegasus shouts.
"Excuse me! Private con-ver-sa-ti-ON!" Discord says in a heavy french accent before pulling down a window shade. He turns back to me with a chuckle as he begins to explain. "Why you see my dear Dalek, these ponies where sent here to retrieve the Elements of Harmony I stole so they can turn me back to stone and ruin all the gloriously chaotic fun. But you see, I hid them away, and I'll never tell where." he says with a grin.
I stare at him for a second, silent.
"They're in Twilight's tree house in Ponyville." he whispers quickly, unable to help himself, "They think they're in the maze because of a riddle I gave them." he snickers.
"Right then. I'm just gonna go tell them that then." I say and try to roll over to the ponies, hoping that they'll trust me when I give them this tidbit of info.
"Whoa there!" Discord lifts me right up off the ground and carries me back "Where's your mischievous side, your taste for entertainment? Don't you want to play some games with these silly ponies; think of the possibilities, we could have oodles of fun."
"Uh, no." I tell him and try to roll my way over to the ponies again.
"Okay how about this, you buzzkill?" Discord grabs me back, plunking me down in front of some sort of prize box. He gives a drumroll for a few seconds before he stops and popps open the lid. "A one way ticket back to your home sweet home!"
My eyestock goes wide in surprise at this as Discord magics up a portal. Through it I can see the bar where I was taken from, and my friends tripping and stumbling over tables and overturned chairs, still in costume; all of it's just there, frozen in time before me. I can't help but wheel my way towards it. But before I can get too close, Discord snaps his fingers making the portal disappear.
"Ah ah ah, you know our agreement." He tutts, and smiles slyly before he offers his tail-hand "Do we have a deal?"
I stare at him weighing the pros and cons. On the one hand, he's Discord, and any game he wants me to play is probably not going to sit well with my moral compass. But on the other hand, he's giving me a way back home, a straight shot. When would these ponies and their conclusion-jumping Princesses ever give me the same deal?
"Alright... what's your game?" I agree.
"Marvelous!" He claps his hands and rips away the window shade that was previously suspended on thin air. "Now the game is that the Element bearers have to go into the maze and 'find' their missing elements, but I've added my little twist, as I so love to do."
He gestures towards the ponies before he continues, "To keep things fun, the rules are no flying, and no magic. And to make sure they don't cheat..." he snaps his fingers again.
Suddenly a bright flash of light envelops four of the six mares before us, and they find their wings and horns have vanished.
He flashes back over to me and flashes me a cocky grin. as the ponies start to freak out. "I've taken the liberty of removing a few of their...unique traits. Leveled the playing field as they say."
It takes me a couple of seconds to process this, and when it does well...
"YOU DID WHAT!"
It makes me mad. Discord and the girls flinch at my shout as I continue,
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM?! ARE YOU MAD! No wait, you are mad! Just look at them!" I say, motioning to the rainbow one, who's currently sobbing on the ground over the loss of her wings "You better put them back now or I will EXTERMINATE you right now!"
I point my laser gun at him to emphasize my point. The girls look shocked at this action, but Discord just has a sly grin as he says,
"Oh ho oh, don't worry Dally dear. They'll get them back when the game is through." he assures me "And besides, I've yet to give you your part in all this."
He smiles slyly at this before he flashes in between me and the girls and continues in a announcers voice, "For you see my metal friend, you're going to be the Minotaur of this maze! You will patrol this maze and hunt down our little ponies. You find them, and if you hit them with your laser gun, and they are eliminated from the maze!"
He gives a mischievous grin as he declares,
"Now that you all know the rules... let the games...BEGIN!"
Suddenly I see a flash of light, and the next thing I know I'm in the maze. I stay at where I am in the maze for awhile as I think,
That's his game? A way home in exchange for these ponies lives? That sick freak! If Discord is telling the truth then this is my chance to go home and forget all this! But...I don't want to kill anyone. Their just some helpless victims in Discords twisted game. There' gotta be some way to avoid killing them... I just need to think of- Wait!
I start to think back to what Discord said...when it hits me.
He only said too hit them with my laser gun! I don't need to shoot them, just bonk them hard on the heads! Ha! Take that Discord, I've found a loophole in your crummy rules! Now lets go hunt them ponies!
With that thought, and a tiny feeling of bloodlust, I sent off into the maze to find the ponies.
“Don’t worry girls.” Twilight tells her friends, “We’ll get the elements and be out in no time!”
“Oh but Twilight, what about that monster Discord sent in after us?” Fluttershy reminded her, “What do you think he meant when he said ‘hit us?' It won’t try to hurt us will it?”
“Ha! Not if I got anything to say about it.” Rainbow stepped up, “If it tries anything with me, it’s going to get a hoof right up its… uh, does it have a nose? Never mind! I gotta go in there and get my wings back!”
“And the Elements of Harmony darling, mustn’t forget those.” Rarity added.
“Oh, heh… right.” Rainbow rubbed her neck and gave a sheepish smile.
“Then what’re we all waitin’ fer? Let’s get on in there and win this thing!” Applejack said, moving to the head of the group with Twilight.
“Right.” The hornless unicorn said confidently “We’ve got nothing to worry about as long as we do this together.”
“Together!” echoed her friends.
Though it seemed Discord had a sense of all things ironic involved when he altered the maze, and thick green walls of foliage sprang up between the six mares, separating them form one another despite their screams of panic and protest.
“Consarn it!” Applejack cursed as she bucked at the wall, only to have it absorb her hooves and spit them back out. “Takin y’alls magic and wings was one thing, but this here just ain’t playin fair!”
“There’s no time to argue, we have to get to the end of the maze and retrieve our elements!” Twilight told them “But be careful everypony, that Dalek destroyed an entire kingdom once, there’s no telling what it’ll do to all of us.”
There’s a wall in front of me.
So I turn left and roll my way down the path a ways… only to find another wall.
I turn around and take a corridor to the right. It’s a dead end.
You know, for some reason I thought this would be easier. I think as I find my way back around to (approximately) where I began.
I’m supposed to be the minotaur in the maze right? Well I’m a pretty lousy minotaur, because I can’t even find my way around, much less any mares to bop on the head. It doesn’t help any that the walls keep rearranging themselves; for some stupid reason I thought Discord might give me some kind of advantage, me being on his side and all.
I let out a frustrated robotic growl that echoes throughout the maze.
Actually… that was pretty cool, and scary. So I do it again as I move around the winding hedges. This time it’s even louder and more menacing, and I’m practically bursting with laughter.
In fact, the laughter sounds scary too. I decide to laugh for a while.
Finally I let out a contented sigh as I feel myself relax. I’d forgotten how good it felt to move around and just enjoy myself.
It’s at this point that I actually spot Discord himself, he looks to be shoving a trio of apple puppets… puppets made of apples? Anyway he’s shoving them into a treasure chest like you’d see in those old 8-bit games.
He finally manages to shut the thing and wipes a bead of sweat off his brow before turning to me. “Ah, there you are. I was wondering where you’d gotten to. But you’re in the wrong area of the maze I’m afraid, this is the behind the scenes area.”
“Yo big D!” Shouts a pony in a delivery outfit behind me, “I got them balloons with the changin’ faces ‘n stuff fer the next pony. Need a signature ova’ here.”
“Be with you in a minute!” he calls before turning back to me. “As for you…”
He sticks a doorknob on a section of the hedge maze and pulls it right open, motioning me through.
“Off you go, you have ponies to hunt.” He says disinterestedly.
I’m beginning to wonder what he was up to, but before I can think too deep into it, I see my first target, and my Dalek side urges me to pursue to orange mare. She looks a bit… duller than when I last saw her, but it might just be my eye playing tricks on me, and she seems to be staring into space. Perfect for a sneak attack.
“A-ha!” I yell as I jump out at her “I’ve got you now!”
“No ya don’t.” she says and shifts her eyes back and forth, refusing to make eye contact.
“W-what? Yes I do!” I insist, “Just look! I’m right in front of you here and there’s no way out.”
To make a point, I roll over and slap her with the end of my laser. “There see?’ I say as she rubs her cheek “I just tagged you, so you’re out.”
“No ah’m not!” she stubbornly denies it. “And ta prove it, ah’m just gonna keep on goin’.”
With that she turns up here nose, does an about-face, and walks off… straight into a hedge wall.
“Uh, you know you can’t just go through it right? Even if you weren’t already out.” I tell her.
“Sure I can, just watch me.” she says and keeps pressing her face into the shrubbery.
To my surprise, the wall actually opens up, sliding into itself as the maze changes it’s layout again. On the other side I see another of the ponies trotting by, Twilight if I’m remembering right. She looks different without a horn sticking out of her forehead.
“Applejack? Thank goodness.” Twilight says as she pulls Applejack’s head out of the leafy wall “I knew I heard voices coming from over here. Who were you talking with?”
“Nopony!” Applejack answers quickly, scrunching up her face as though lying left a bitter taste in her mouth. “I wasn’t talking to no one whatsoever.”
“Ah, so you were talking to someone then?” I say, pointing out her double negative.
Twilight gasps, noticing I’m here, and quickly grabs Applejack. “It’s the Dalek! Run for- wait, did you lie to me just now?”
“I think she did.” I tell her, reminding her of my presence at the same time. “Can I hit you with my laser?”
Twilight’s eyes go wide and she turns back to her friend. “Applejack, RUN!” she yells and then gallops off.
“Chocolate milk?” Applejack says as she follows.
I look around for the two mares, but they’ve managed to outrun me about half a minute ago, leaving me only their shallow hoofprints to follow. At that time, the maze walls choose to randomly shift again, causing me to lose them for good... at least for now.
I have to admit, this really is a lot of fun. It’s like I’m the slasher in an old horror flik, chasing down the group of teens, albeit without brutally killing them when I finally corner them. I can feel the adrenaline and thrill of the hunt coursing through me right now.
“My name is Eli Minute!” I yell to the sky, “Do you hear me universe? I am free, and I am ALIVE!”
“Well good for you.” I hear a voice behind me rasp out.
I turn around and come face to face with the pink one with the improbably bouncy mane, and boy does she look like someone put their feet in her cereal. Weird metaphors aside, she really does not look happy to see me, or happy about anything at all for that matter.
“What’re you so happy about huh?” she growls.
“Well, I’m having the time of my life in here right now. I mean sure I’m hunting down you and your friends, but at least I’m looking on the bright side of things. I’ll get to finally go home after this is over.” I explain “But beyond that, I’m just kinda happy to be free again.”
“Oh really? Why’s that so great, it’s nothing to be happy about.” She gets in my face with a scowl “Nothing’s good around here and it sure isn’t anything to have fun with.”
She then puts on a black mask with pointed ears before she continues in an even deeper gravelly voice. “That sick clown is sending Equestria to Tartarus, and I don’t know if we can save it. We may not be the heroes they deserve, but we’re the heroes they need. And so I’ll search for justice where none exists, find hope for the those that are already doomed; and if I can’t save them… then you can bet I’ll avenge them. You got that punk?!”
I quickly slap her across the face with my laser, and she looks at me for a moment, stunned but no less angry.
“That’s for ruining my good mood, and ripping off all my favorite superheroes!” I yell at her.
W-wait. Why did her hair go straight just now? And why is she staring at me like tha- WHERE DID SHE FIND A CIRCULAR SAW?!
“No no please I didn’t mean it!” I scream in terror as she inches closer while revving up the blade. But it’s okay, because I’m a Dalek. I can surely take her on. So naturally…
“AAAAAHHHHHH!”
I decide to run away screaming.
“AAAAAAHHHHHH- oof!” I scream, blindly running ahead until I run into something “Hey buddy, do you mind? I’m runnin for my- Discord?”
The draconequus gives me a questioning look, and simply jabs his finger down the way he came. “She’s over that way.”
“Dare I ask what has your shorts in a twist?” I ask him hesitantly.
“Oh I just hate having to be so direct with things.” He says lazily before walking off with a frown.
“What was that all about?” I wonder as I come around the corner, assuming a pony is there for me to find. “Gwah!” I scream as my treads are pulled out from under me and I fall face down into the dirt.
“Oops. I guess I didn’t see you there.” A sweetly sour voice says to me in a manner that’s not apologetic at all.
“You did that on purpose.” I say angrily to the butter colored mare as I float myself upright.
“Oh, now why would you say a thing like that to poor little me?” she asks before flicking the end of my eye with her long tail.
“Ugh, look. Whatever your deal is with me, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to do my part so I can leave. Now if you’ll just let me tap you with my laser I can-“
“Oops.” She grunts as she smashes a flower pot over my metal dome.
“Cut that out! You ponies are all a bunch of jerks!”
“Oh boo hoo, is that a problem for the little baby?” she pouts “Why don’t you cry it out?”
“You know what? I never asked for any of this!” I begin my long needed rant “I was just hanging with my friends, and got sucked through time and space to land in this miserable world. I was attacked right off the bat, and got imprisoned in stone for a THOUSAND YEARS for trying to defend myself and a bunch of innocent slaves!” my robotic voice starts to break “All I want now is to go home, and the only way I can is if I tag you all out. So look into your heart… can I please hit you with my laser?”
The mare just stares at me with a funny look on her face before she casually flips her mane out of her eyes. “Why bother helping a freak like you? It doesn’t matter where you’re from; I bet nopony misses you anyway.”
I pause for a moment. “You take that back… right now.” I order her, a disturbing calmness overtaking my already monotone voice.
She huffs and turns to walk away. “I wouldn’t waste the effort.”
I forget what happened after that. I may have lost it a bit, and I might have railroaded her with my own wheels, and MAYBE I hit her harder than I needed to. But like I said… it’s kind of fuzzy. All I know now is, I’m in a different part of the maze, and there is blood on my outer casing. Probably best not to think about it too hard.
But I can hear some voices coming from somewhere on the other side of the wall to my left, and conveniently , there’s a window cut out so I can watch.
The rainbow pegesus (Earth pony now I guess) is straight up challenging Discord to a fight while he snoozes on a cloud hammock.
“Oh calm down Rainbow Dash.” Discord says calmly in the wake of her aggression, “I’m here to deliver a message. So listen closely, because this is important.” He zips over to her and gives a riddle “A difficult choice is yours to make, a noble sacrifice or a tragic mistake; if the wrong decision you pursue, the foundations of your life will crumble without you.”
On that queue he summons up a miniature storm cloud with rainbow bolts of lightning surrounding them, and from that cloud comes a portal, showing her a city in the sky.
She looks terrified as it begins to collapse just like he said.
“Cloudsdale? Crumble without me… No. NOOOOO!” her mumbles turn into a scream.
Discord snaps his fingers and a box appears before Rainbow Dash.
“That box contains your wings.” He tells her “You can take them and leave to return to Cloudsdale, or continue wandering this maze of mine. The choice is yours.”
Something about that deal seems awfully familiar. I note to myself as Rainbow rips open the box without hesitation, restoring her wings and taking off into the sky, abandoning her friends in the desperate hope that she can save her home.
And like that, dark storm clouds cover the sky, and the maze is swallowed up by the ground. I turn to my right and see that Twilight and the others were only a few paces away from the center when the game was lost.
“Well, it looks like somepony broke the no wings no magic rule. Thus the game is over and you didn’t find your precious elements!” Discord tells them the obvious, gleefully rubbing it in their faces and cackling hysterically.
“Alright Discord, like you said, game’s over. Now send me home.” I wheel up so he can fulfill his end of the bargain “You are going to, right?”
“Hmm…” Discord pets his beard “No.”
“What? What do you mean no?! We had a deal!” I yell.
“Yes, the deal was if you hit each of the mare with-“
“I did hit them! At least as many as I could before you shut the game down early!” I defended.
“Oh look at you being coy,” he says like a cross between an old grandmother and a lawyer “Trying to create a loophole against the lord of chaos. Yes you technically ‘hit’ them, but not like I told you to.”
“That would have killed them. No way I’d do that, you psychopath!”
“Oh, fine. So you ‘hit’ them. I still must say no however. You see Dalek, the truth is, I was never really planning to get you back to wherever that planet you came from is; not sure I even could if I tried. I just needed a slight… diversion if you will.” He shrugged.
“But… the portal. You said-“
“It was a projection of your mind. Honestly, we spent centuries trapped in stone together, of course I could make it all up. I did the same on dear hot-headed Rainbow Dash after mere minutes.”
“YOU LIED TO ME!” I screech.
“Um hello, perhaps we haven’t met before. I’m Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony. Any of this ringing a bell?” he says sarcastically.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! DIE YOU FINGER-CROSSING PRICK!” I yell as I fire my laser, the beam cutting an arc across the ground.
He dodges it, and all my attempts to retrain it onto him until finally it runs out of juice.
“Well aren’t we quick to anger?” he chides me “But no matter, I have better things to attend to. More entertaining things… like CHAOS perhaps. BWA HA HAH!”
And with that, Discord vanishes from existence with a snap of his fingers, no doubt reappearing somewhere else to spread his special brand of demented fun.
I just stand there in pure rage. I've never been this mad before. I always thought of Discord as a annoyance, but at least he was someone I could talk to while I was trapped in stone for the first couple of years. And I trusted him, he promised me a way home. To my friends...to my beer...to my old life....to my sister.
I...feel...something...slipping.
"GrrrrrrAHHHHHHH! I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN DISCORD! WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE NOTHING BUT DUST! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATED! EXTERMINATED! EX-TER-MIN-ATTTTEEEEDDDDD!
