"I have a harem," Discord announced, his tone oddly composed.
"You have a what?" Rainbow said.
"A harem. A group of females madly in love with dashing old me. Come now, don't be shy. This knowledge can't come as a complete shock to any of you."
Celestia blinked. "Discord...I don't know what to say..."
"Who in Equestria would want to be part of your harem?" Twilight asked, a sudden wave of hostility and irritation washing over her. She had been whisked away from her studies for this?
"Why all of you, my dear, but of course you'll never admit you love me because you're a tsundere type."
"A whata what?" Applejack said.
"Discord, thy words have no sense to them. Explain."
"Certainly, dear Luna. A tsundere type character is one that, in short, refuses to admit she has feelings for the main character of the story, A.K.A. me. Of course, if she ever lets the main character know that she has feelings for him, she'll immediately fall back into denial."
Twilight stomped her hoof. "I do not have feelings for you!"
"I rest my case."
"If Twilight is a sun whatsit-"
"Tsundere."
"Yes, that. Then what does that make the rest of us?" Celestia asked, her curiosity drawing her in like a fish on a line.
"Tia, you're my childhood friend. We grew up together. It's only natural that you fell in love with me, princess. And all the other stallions and mares are extremely jealous of me because of it. Some of them actually have grown to hate me, if you can believe it."
"We are thy childhood friend as well. Where do we fit into thy story?"
"Well, you're the younger sister type, Luna. You're passionately in love with your older sister and hate to see her in the arms of anypony else. Alas, though, for you have fallen in love with the same person as her, making your role that much more defined and complicated. It gives me the shivers."
"Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! So Luna and Celestia are both in love with you? That's so romantic!" Pinkie Pie gushed.
Discord put an arm across her shoulders. "Yes, my dear. Isn't it just?"
"Um...Discord?" Fluttershy's voice came softly nearby. "I...what I mean is..."
"Where do Pinkie Pie and yourself fit into this picture? Let me explain. Pinkie Pie is a perfect specimen of the genkigirl type. Placed in the story for comic relief, she is over exuberant, hyper, and speaks with a shrill, almost shrieking sound that gets on everyone's nerves. However, at times she can turn introspective and that's when she...becomes downright scary."
"That's not what I-"
"I'm scary?" Pinkie Pie said, tears forming at the corners of her blue eyes.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. The genki type is a vital role in every anime. Without it, things become boring rather quickly. And you, Fluttershy, provide moe to this otherwise drab cast of ladies. Cute, endearing, shy, why, you are without a doubt absolutely perfect! So cute! Even when you were scolding me at the Gala! I'm so overcome!"
"Um...okay..."
"Hold up!" Twilight said. "It's not like any of us have feelings for you."
"Oh, Twilight, of course that's what you'd say. But don't worry, I value you just as much as everyone else here. No need to feel left out."
"It seems we are still living under our sister's shadow," Luna said in a melancholy tone.
"Oh, don't worry about it, Luna. It's just Discord being Discord," Celestia responded immediately, sitting closer to her sister.
"Rarity," Twilight said. "You're being uncharacteristically quiet. What do you think?"
"Hmm? Well, as far as I'm concerned, darling, he hasn't mentioned anything about me, so I doubt my opinion is in any way relevant."
"You are an integral part of the harem, though," Discord said, turning his attention to the white unicorn.
"Oh dear."
"You, Rarity, are the alpha bitch."
"Hey! That is uncalled for and unjustly rude!"
"No, no. It's a good thing. You are fashionable, aloof, privileged, and you push others around. Truly necessary in every harem environment."
"That is no better than the last thing you said! I do not push others around!" Rarity whined.
"And I'm not scary," Pinkie whimpered.
"I'm not tsundere!"
"How come Fluttershy is the only one you said was cute?" Applejack said.
"Well, you are the stoic type. And that's not at all kawaii."
"Ah...I still don't get it," Applejack said.
"You're blatantly honest and may or may not harbor feelings for me with that fragile heart of yours, but it's the one thing you'll never admit, try as you might."
"Why is no one else defending me?" Rarity said. "I'm not a bitch, am I?"
"You're definitely a bitch," Discord said pleasantly, his yellow eyes gleaming.
"It's not like I'm never feminine," Rainbow said sullenly. "Just not usually."
"Sister, we do not understand what is happening here," Luna said.
"I've lost track of it myself."
"Everyone...please...settle down..."
"If I'm blatantly honest then why wouldn't I admit it if I did have feelings for you? Which I don't."
"I'M NOT A BITCH!"
"I'M NOT TSUNDERE! NO ONE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
"I'll try harder. I promise I won't scare anyone anymore!"
"Poor Applejack, just saying that makes it harder for you to tell me honestly in the future how you really feel. I'm moved that you care so much about me!"
"Aw jeez..."
"Everyone...please..."
"You kinda are a bitch, sometimes, Rarity," Rainbow said.
"Not you too!"
"Please..."
"QUIET!" Celestia said then, over everyone's talking. She turned to Discord. "Could you explain to me what you were doing prior to deciding that we were part of some harem?"
"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary."
"Discord," Celestia said in a warning tone.
"Oh, alright." He snapped his fingers and a box dropped down in front of her. She gazed at it a moment before groaning.
"What is it?" Twilight asked.
"He's absolutely right. There's a harem." She then smiled wickedly. "But he has a type too."