//------------------------------// // Chapter 14: Hearts and Hooves Day // Story: Retirement Blues // by Alaborn //------------------------------// Retirement Blues By Alaborn Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein. Chapter 14: Hearts and Hooves Day In the skies above Ponyville, the pegasi of the weather team cleared away gray clouds. A brief warm spell was scheduled, ready to melt the snow and lift ponies’ spirits just in time for Hearts and Hooves Day. But it wasn’t warm yet, and so Gold Watch and Colgate shared their breakfast at a table inside Sugarcube Corner. “You’re looking good, Dad,” Colgate said. “I’ve been keeping active, as you know,” Gold Watch replied, taking another bite of his muffin. “Oh. I’ve sold my old house.” “That’s good to hear.” “I sold it to an old donkey who’s going to move to Ponyville in spring. He was a stubborn negotiator, but in the end, he had to admit I took care of my house.” “That’s interesting. There aren’t many donkeys in town,” Colgate observed. “I have an appointment with one of them today, though.” “Your practice doing well?” Gold Watch asked. “I have a good slate of patients,” Colgate said. “Now, Dad, are you ready for Hearts and Hooves Day?” “Yes, sweetie. As the town’s part time police chief, I can set my schedule, and I made sure to take Hearts and Hooves Day off. I hope you have something nice planned, too.” Colgate nodded. “Neither Sharp Eye nor I have a late appointment, so we’re going to an early dinner at that nice Prench restaurant.” “And?” Colgate sighed. “We’re leaving the evening free, so we can do whatever strikes our fancy.” “I certainly hope you two will do something more than dinner,” Gold Watch said. “Dad, what we do is our business,” Colgate replied. She smiled as she turned the tables. “So, have you and Green Tea set a date yet?” “We’re thinking of the traditional date, the first day of summer. I know that might mean a conflict, but we’re going to have a small ceremony, and I don’t know anypony else having a wedding that day.” “Um, Dad?” “Yes, Colgate?” “There is a wedding being held that day. I don’t think any of your friends from the police station would be able to attend. And neither will I.” “What do you mean? You’re making it sound like a princess is getting married,” Gold Watch said. “She is,” Colgate said. “Please keep it quiet, since it hasn’t been officially announced, but Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is marrying the captain of the Royal Guard on the first day of summer. And the princess invited me to be one of her bridesmaids.” It was a good thing Gold Watch wasn’t drinking coffee, else he would have spit it over the table. “Your old foalsitter? “I know! I’m honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid, and a little surprised, too. I haven’t kept in touch with her like I should have.” “You always looked up to her,” Gold Watch said. “And she gave me encouragement. She said I could become a dentist if that’s what I wanted.” “Maybe that’s why she remembered you. She had a big influence on you.” “Perhaps,” Colgate said. “But back to your wedding. What are you waiting for?” Gold Watch took a bite of his muffin. It was a good question. What was he waiting for? Gold Watch returned home that evening after a day at the police station. Their home was quiet, so Green Tea was still in her shop. He passed through the store connecting their home with the shop, finding his fiancée busily restocking the shelves. He greeted her with a kiss. “I missed you,” he said. “I know! It’s been, what, three hours since you saw me?” “I can’t help it if my patrols bring me by my favorite coffee seller,” Gold Watch said. “Fortunately, I have no patrols in two days. I’m looking forward to spending Hearts and Hooves Day in the company of my very special somepony.” Green Tea nuzzled him. “But I still have to run my shop,” she said. “Oh.” “But I will be closing in the early afternoon, so we’ll have most of the day for each other.” “Really? Ponies need to buy tea for Hearts and Hooves Day?” Gold Watch wondered. “Indeed they do. The rose tea and apple cinnamon herbal tea are both very popular. You should try the apple cinnamon tea. There’s some left in the teapot, though it’s probably cold by now.” Gold Watch poured the cool tea from the teapot Green Tea had set out for sampling. With a quick spell, he heated the liquid. He inhaled the aroma, and sipped the tea. “Tastes good,” he said. “Is this your blend?” Green Tea nodded. “I use apples from Sweet Apple Acres and spices from a little shop in the tropics.” “Oh. My daughter told me the first day of summer would be a bad day to schedule a wedding. What would you say to moving up our special day?” “I’d love to,” Green Tea said. She gave Gold Watch a kiss. “Let’s talk about it over dinner.” Gold Watch tucked into his baked hay and roasted root vegetables. While Green Tea did her best to make it tasty, it just reminded him of how much he longed for the first spring harvest. “I can’t wait for spring,” he said. “Me too.” “A spring wedding. That sounds nice,” Gold Watch mused.” “It shouldn’t be any earlier than spring. I want to feel Celestia’s sun warm me and the bountiful earth under my hooves,” Green Tea said. “Can you feel the earth through horseshoes?” Gold Watch asked. Green Tea smiled. “Have you ever attended a wedding outside of Canterlot, dear?” Gold Watch thought about it a moment. “I can’t think of one.” “It’s earth pony tradition to celebrate marriage in an outdoor ceremony, with hooves unshod and touching the earth,” Green Tea explained. “But most weddings in Ponyville are casual like that.” “That sounds wonderful.” “Really? That doesn’t sound like something you’d want, dear.” “Yes, but I haven’t worn horseshoes since my retirement dinner. Putting them on again after nearly two years is a pain I’d rather not deal with,” Gold Watch said. “Now, what would you say about getting married right after Winter Wrap-Up?” “We should probably wait until after first planting,” Green Tea said. Gold Watch raised an eyebrow. “The farmers work very hard right after Winter Wrap-Up, planting the seeds for bountiful harvests for the year, both literally and metaphorically. Did you notice it seemed slower in town at the beginning of spring?” “I remember the market being slow. Ponies only had their carts there for a short time,” Gold Watch recalled. “It meant longer lines.” “That’s right. The farmers spend more time in the fields. And I visit the Whitetail Wood to collect tender shoots.” “Well, I wouldn’t mind waiting until that’s all over,” Gold Watch said. “How long are we talking?” “Two weeks, traditionally. After that, things like festivals and rodeos start happening.” “Well, I’m not interested in either. How does three weeks after Winter Wrap-Up sound?” “Mmm. Sounds good, assuming rain isn’t scheduled.” Gold Watch leaned across the table and took her hooves in his. “Then we have a date.” Green Tea awoke with her fiancé’s forelegs wrapped around her. On the nightstand lay a box of chocolates and a bouquet of sugar-dipped roses. “Oh, sweetie, they’re wonderful,” she said. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, honey. I wanted you to wake up to something sweet,” Gold Watch said. She turned and nuzzled him. “I always wake up to something sweet.” They shared each others’ company for a few minutes, but Green Tea eventually needed to rise. She had a shop to run. It was a lovely start to Hearts and Hooves day, but it would not last. Gold Watch wandered around Green Tea’s shop again, stopping at the counter. “Need any help? Anything restocked?” Green Tea sighed. “Gold Watch, I love you, and appreciate that you want to spend all of Hearts and Hooves Day with me, but you’re getting in the way. Please, do something else this morning. Go on patrol.” “This is my day off,” he said. “Then go for a walk around town. Come back after lunch. Please, sweetie?” “Fine,” Gold Watch huffed. Green Tea leaned across the counter and kissed Gold Watch. “Be good, sweetheart.” Gold Watch first visited Town Hall, confirming that the long range weather schedule showed the weather for their wedding date to be clear. The weather wouldn’t be official until published in the newspaper, normally two weeks in advance, but the precipitation schedule didn’t often change unless the weather from the Everfree Forest acted up. “Or something else goes wrong,” he mused. “Did you say something?” Mayor Mare asked as she entered the room. “Oh, nothing,” Gold Watch said. “I hope there’s nothing to interrupt Hearts and Hooves Day,” she said. “No, I’m here as a private citizen,” Gold Watch said. “Though there is something I need to do. How do I go about reserving one of the town parks for a small ceremony on the 11th of April?” Mayor Mare smiled. “Is this your big day?” “Yes, but we’re hoping to keep it small,” he replied. “Go talk to Red Tape to make your reservation. Personally, I recommend Rich Park, next to the rose trellis.” “Thank you for your advice, Madame Mayor.” Red Tape efficiently handled the paperwork. In a surprising turn for the Canterlot native, there wasn’t even a fee required. He left Town Hall feeling happy. With the date scheduled and location secured, Gold Watch thought about what else he needed to do. He had to send invitations to some ponies in Canterlot, but since they were all in the police force, he didn’t even need to use the mail. It was a task that could wait for his next day at the station. He had plenty of time to muse about the details as he began his patrol. Or, rather, his trot around town. Gold Watch came across a touching scene in one of the parks. Three fillies were setting up a romantic picnic lunch next to an apple tree. He recalled them as three of the fillies from Miss Cheerilee’s class. “Is that for me and my special somepony?” he asked. “Sorry, Mr. Police Chief, the orange pegasus said. “It’s for mah brother!” the yellow earth pony said. “And our teacher!” the white unicorn squeaked. “Really? Perhaps she won’t be Miss Cheerilee for much longer, then,” Gold Watch said. “Well, ahh, you see,” the pegasus started. “They’re not special someponies yet,” the earth pony continued. “But we’re sure they’ll be perfect for each other,” the unicorn finished. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADER MATCHMAKERS, YAY!” the trio shouted, jumping and clapping their forehooves together. Gold Watch chuckled. “Good luck, you three.” Though his gut told him their plan wasn’t going to work out, he couldn’t help but smile. Gold Watch returned to Green Tea’s shop just before she planned on closing, a small cone-shaped paper bag held in his aura. “I’m back,” he announced. “Welcome back,” Green Tea said warmly. “Something smells good.” He offered her the bag. “Cinnamon roasted pecans. Butternut was selling them.” “Sounds like a good snack for this evening,” she said. “How about we get lunch at the Daisy Cafe?” “That sounds perfect.” Although that picnic lunch sounded nice, Gold Watch was happy spending Hearts and Hooves Day anywhere, as long as he was with Green Tea. The Daisy Cafe wasn’t someplace one would think to take their special somepony, especially today. But that meant the two ponies could spend as much time there as they wanted. Taking a table by the window, Green Tea and Gold Watch had a nice view of Ponyville. Sugarcube Corner was across the street, and couples of all ages stopped in for sweet treats. “I see Golden Harvest,” Gold Watch said. The mare wasn’t with her husband. Rather, she was working, delivering a cartload of flour. Golden Harvest carried the bags of flour into the bakery, balancing four of the heavy burlap bags on her back at once. Gold Watch watched her work. “Is something wrong with Golden Harvest?” he asked. “What do you mean?” “When I came to Ponyville, I got the idea that she and the Cakes were good friends. But they seem to have drifted apart.” Gold Watch observed the orange-maned mare; she looked perturbed. “Has she been that way for around a year?” Green Tea asked. “I think so.” “I think I know why.” Green Tea sighed. “I understand what she’s going through.” “I’m not sure I see it.” “A year ago is around when the Cakes announced they were expecting.” “Oh.” Now it was clear. From what Gold Watch had observed, earth ponies, especially farmers, valued large families. “She’s having trouble?” Green Tea nodded. “She’s never talked to me about it, but you know how word gets around. She’s been getting magical treatments for a few years. They’re trying, but she may be barren.” “That’s, um....” He looked to Green Tea. “What about you?” “When I was a filly, I always envisioned myself with two perfect little foals. One colt and one filly, of course. Wood Frame and I tried, but I never became pregnant. We both agreed to keep things natural. No magical treatments. If it wasn’t in the cards....” “Do you regret it?” “A little. But it meant I could share my time with the community.” “And, perhaps, one day, we’ll have a little grandfoal to spoil.” “How are things going with your daughter and her special somepony?” “They should be at that fancy Prench restaurant now.” Gold Watch noted that it was 5:48 PM. “They said they were planning on an early dinner, but they didn’t say when.” “Let them have their own special night,” Green Tea said. “Do you want to head back?” Gold Watch nodded. He rose, and left a large tip on the table. He noted that Mr. Cake was now repairing damage to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, and wondered what happened. Two and a half seconds after Gold Watch and Green Tea stepped out of the cafe, Pinkie Pie appeared in front of them. The mare had a huge grin on her face, and presented them with a tray of cupcakes. Red cake was piled with blue frosting several inches tall. “I have free cupcakes for all the new young lovers. Raspberry cake with blueberry frosting!” Gold Watch looked to Green Tea. “Do you see any young lovers around here, dear?” Pinkie Pie poked her head between them. “I won’t tell if you don’t,” she said in a stage whisper. “They do look delicious,” Green Tea said. “I’m afraid we’ll have to pass,” Gold Watch said. “I have a sweet treat waiting for us at home.” “Oh?” Green Tea said. Pinkie Pie’s smile faltered slightly. “That’s okay, you two. Have a happy Hearts and Hooves Day!” They departed, leaving Pinkie Pie to find other couples. Green Tea nudged Gold Watch. “You sly dog. What did you get? I hope it’s chocolate cake!” “Actually, Green Tea, there isn’t anything,” Gold Watch admitted. “I’m sorry. But my gut was telling me to pass on those cupcakes.” “Why?” “I wish I could tell you. Something seemed off, but I don’t know what. But my instincts kept me safe for forty years in Canterlot, and served me well as a detective. All I ask is you trust me.” “I trust you, Gold Watch. But I’m still expecting some chocolate cake.” “You know, I have Blue Opal’s recipes somewhere. She knew how to make a good Germane chocolate cake. Would you happen to have some coconut at home?” “I don’t think so.” “Well, maybe we could....” Gold Watch trailed off. He caught sight of something very unusual, and his heart sank. “I’m so sorry, Green Tea. I have to deal with this.” Green Tea’s jaw dropped once she saw it: a pony pulling an entire house, with the house’s resident still inside. “No, go. Please help that mare.” Catching up to the house wasn’t a problem. He recognized the stallion pulling it as McIntosh, and despite the stallion’s legendary strength, even he couldn’t pull a house very fast. He also noticed one of the fillies from earlier. But his first priority was the mare in danger. “Ma’am, I need you to stay calm. Open your eyes.” She stopped yelling, and peeked out the second floor window. “No. Don’t look outside. I need you to carefully walk to the door and brace yourself in the door frame. Do not go downstairs unless you think the roof is going to fail.” The mare did as Gold Watch instructed. “Ma’am? Listen to my voice. You will be safe. Stay calm until I give you further instructions.” McIntosh dragged the house almost all the way to Carousel Boutique before the rope snapped. The house stopped moving. Gold Watch made a quick visual inspection of the house. It was obviously of sturdy construction, as he didn’t see anything wrong. It reminded him of inspecting his own house after Discord had toyed with it. “Okay, ma’am. Please slowly come down the stairs. Open the door, slowly, and step out.” The mare, a plum earth pony with grapes and other fruit for a cutie mark, stepped out, and promptly collapsed to the ground. “I picked the wrong week to quit drinking,” she muttered. Gold Watch checked the mares’ vital signs; she had just passed out. He looked around, and surprisingly did not see McIntosh. However, he did see the three fillies from before, looking into a hole in the ground that certainly shouldn’t be there. He recalled the fillies having referred to themselves as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and he then realized he recognized the name. For all the talk about the destructive nature of these fillies, this was the first time Gold Watch had seen any damage caused by them. The plum mare was stirring. Gold Watch helped her into a sitting position. “Ma’am, please sit and rest. Don’t stand until your head clears.” “Okay, sir,” she replied. Gold Watch stepped to the hole, being careful to avoid any loose dirt around its edge. He spotted McIntosh and Cheerilee at the bottom of the pit, atop a feather bed, with the teacher wearing a veil. “Anypony down there need help?” “Ah suppose we need a rope,” McIntosh said. “Got it!” the yellow filly said. Once everypony was safely out of the pit, Gold Watch spoke. “Now, would somepony please tell me what happened?” “Now, Chief, there ain’t nothin’ to talk about. These fillies know what they did was wrong, and we’ve agreed on a punishment,” McIntosh said. “Sir, be that as it may, I want to know what happened. Just the facts.” With that, the three excited fillies recounted their attempt to bring their teacher together with McIntosh, who was the brother of the yellow filly (Apple Bloom, he noted, having finally learned their names). They described their romantic picnic attempt (a good idea, if clumsily executed), and their use of a love potion that turned out to be a love poison (a very bad idea). “Now, explain again where you found this love poison?” Gold Watch asked. “It was in a book we got from Twilight!” Sweetie Belle said. Gold Watch was not surprised to hear that name. “Now, there’s still the matter of the damage to this mare’s house. Ma’am? Can I get your name?” “It’s Berry Punch.” “I’m Gold Watch, the police chief,” Gold Watch replied. He turned to the others. “Now, you can see that Miss Berry Punch’s house isn’t where it should be.” “Ah apologize, ma’am,” McIntosh said. “Ah’ll get Applejack and we’ll get your house fixed up, all right and quick.” “Then I don’t need to get the police involved, Chief. I trust the Apples,” Berry Punch said. “Be sure to wear the tool vest,” she said to McIntosh.” “I’m going to get Twilight Sparkle,” Gold Watch said. “I bet her magic will help.” Besides, I really need to talk to her, he thought. Gold Watch opened the door to the library. “Miss Twilight Sparkle?” he called. “Are you in?” The librarian came down the stairs. “Oh, hi, Chief.” “Can I ask you some questions?” “Sure. Would you like tea?” “No, thanks,” he said. Unlike most of the ponies Gold Watch had interrogated over his career, Twilight Sparkle was cooperative. Although he didn’t know if she had done something wrong, she didn’t act like she had. Twilight Sparkle took a seat on the couch. “So what did you want to talk about?” she asked. “Could you tell me about your interactions with Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo today?” “Well, I bumped into them today. Literally. I really need to stop walking and reading,” she said with a nervous chuckle. “I told them I was reading a fascinating book about the history of Hearts and Hooves Day. They asked if they could borrow it, and of course I said yes. And then they took off right after that!” “Was there a love potion, or rather love poison, recipe in the book?” “Yes. How did you know?” “Because those Cutie Mark Crusaders made the love poison, and created quite a bit of trouble in town today. Miss Twilight Sparkle, you really need to be more careful about these kinds of books.” “What? But that’s impossible,” she said. “Obviously, it wasn’t,” Gold Watch said. “No. Three fillies with no training in alchemy should not be able to make a potion, even with a recipe. You can’t just throw ingredients together! You need to understand the interactions of the magic involved in each element! If you don’t, the magic just fizzles and returns to the æther.” “While that’s how I understand alchemy as well, they did make the potion. What if it’s one of their special talents?” “I’m pretty sure Sweetie Belle’s special talent involves singing.” “And the others?” “Stunts and construction, or possibly woodworking,” Twilight Sparkle said confidently. “Look. I’m just saying, either one of them has a talent, which you might want to nurture, or the book’s recipe is more thorough than you thought, in which case you might not want to loan out that book to fillies,” Gold Watch said. “Now, would you mind coming with me? I think McIntosh and Applejack might need your help.” “Would the monsieur and madame care for dessert?” the waiter asked. “No thank you,” Colgate replied. “Just the bill, then,” Sharp Eye said. “Of course,” the waiter replied. “This was a lovely meal,” Colgate said. Sharp Eye looked around the full restaurant. “I guess I’m not the only stallion to have had this idea.” “I don’t care if everypony in Ponyville came here. I’ve always wanted to eat here. So thank you for inviting me, Sharp Eye.” “My pleasure.” The waiter returned with the bill. Sharp Eye left several stacks of bits to cover the bill and tip. “Shall we get going?” he suggested. “Yes.” On the way out, Colgate paused. “Excuse me for a moment,” she said, before heading to the restroom. Sharp Eye sat down and waited. He grew more and more nervous the more time that passed. His mind was conjuring visions of Colgate sneaking out the window to avoid seeing him again. But then, the door to the restroom opened, and Colgate returned. “Thank you for waiting,” Colgate said. She kissed Sharp Eye on the lips. Sharp Eye detected the minty taste of toothpaste in Colgate’s mouth. “You brushed your teeth?” “After every meal and before bed,” she replied. “And I wouldn’t be a good dentist if I didn’t brush for as long as I tell my patients to brush.” “So, um, would you... like to come by my apartment?” Sharp Eye said. Colgate was hoping to hear those words. “I’d love to,” she said. They departed the restaurant, Colgate leaning on her coltfriend as they walked. It was a beautiful evening, one that couldn’t be ruined by anything. Except that. “Quick, turn down this street!” Colgate urged. “What? Why?” Sharp Eye asked. “Just do it!” she hissed. Once they were safely down the side street, Sharp Eye turned to Colgate. “What was that about?” “My father was there,” she replied. “Doing what?” “I don’t know, but it was probably related to the house sitting in the street.” “What house?” “How did you not notice that?” Colgate said. “I was distracted by a far more beautiful sight,” Sharp Eye replied. Colgate nuzzled him. “Good answer.” She looked around. “That road should take us by Sugarcube Corner. Let’s go!” As soon as they got within sight of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie appeared, carrying a tray of cupcakes. “I have free cupcakes for all the new young lovers. Raspberry cake with blueberry frosting! And look! There’s even one with only a little frosting for my favorite dentist!” “But you don’t go to the dentist,” Colgate said. “That’s because my teeth are perfect!” Pinkie Pie replied. “I have no idea how,” Colgate muttered. Pinkie Pie waggled the tray of cupcakes. “Looks good, huh?” “They do,” Sharp Eye said. “I don’t know,” Colgate said. Sharp Eye turned to Colgate. “Colgate, you said you’d be willing to eat the occasional sweet treat. And Pinkie Pie made one especially for you. I think it’s a sign that this is a good dessert for this fine evening.” Colgate sighed and relented. “Fine.” Pinkie Pie’s grin grew twice as large as the two unicorns grabbed the cupcakes in their magic. Colgate took a small bite. “This is really good!” she exclaimed. “Wow. So much fresh fruit flavor!” Sharp Eye said. “Thanks! I make the tastiest cupcakes, no matter what’s in them! Now, you two lovebirds have a lovely evening!” Pinkie Pie said, just before dashing off to find another couple. Sharp Eye took Colgate down the tree-lined street to the small house he owned. She noted it was only the second time she had been there. Sharp Eye opened the door, and let Colgate step inside. The interior of his house was still sparsely decorated, and obviously freshly cleaned. A plush chair and loveseat surrounded a coffee table, set by the fireplace. Sharp Eye levitated a log and some kindling into the fireplace, and stoked the fire with a spark of magic from his horn. “Would you like some wine?” Sharp Eye asked. “I’d love some,” Colgate replied. She settled onto the loveseat. Sharp Eye returned with a bottle of red wine and two glasses. He opened the bottle and poured two glasses. After that, he went to his phonograph. “Classical music?” he suggested. “Sure,” Colgate replied. Sharp Eye set the record on the phonograph and cranked it. Soothing orchestral music soon filled the room. “I couldn’t tell you what piece this is,” Colgate commented. “Neither could I,” Sharp Eye admitted. “I just know it’s good background music.” “I’m afraid my music appreciation classes didn’t take.” Sharp Eye settled in next to Colgate. He lifted a blanket in his magic; Colgate accepted it and draped it around the two of them. “You had music appreciation at Celestia’s School?” “Among other classes. The school focuses on magic, but included a well-rounded curriculum, with a focus on topics that are more suitable to nobles.” “Even though there aren’t many nobles at the school?” “A few noble houses are well-represented, those that have a family talent that leans towards magic. I suspect they have a lot of pull with the faculty.” The two ponies reminisced about their respective schooling, and life in Canterlot. When the first record finished, Sharp Eye replaced it with another. Colgate still didn’t recognize the piece, but the meter was that of a waltz. “Would you care to dance?” she asked Sharp Eye. He bowed his head. “I, uh, have four left hooves,” he said. “That’s okay. I’m not good at dancing, but this one is pretty simple.” They rose, and Sharp Eye pushed the coffee table against the wall. Colgate placed Sharp Eye’s foreleg in position, placed her own, and gave him instructions. “It’s a one two three pattern, with the emphasis on the one.” After a few stumbles, Colgate and Sharp Eye fell into rhythm, tracing a circle in Sharp Eye’s small living room. In this form of dance, the two ponies never broke contact, and that suited Colgate just fine. She nestled her head into the crook of Sharp Eye’s neck, appreciating the light cologne he wore, as well as the hint of his own masculine scent. She felt a hoof on her chin. Sharp Eye lifted Colgate’s head, looked into her eyes, and smiled. Colgate closed her eyes and leaned in. Their lips met, and the two ponies kissed until they gasped for air. That night, as Colgate drifted off to sleep in the warm embrace of Sharp Eye, she realized she had forgotten to brush her teeth. But as she snuggled against her coltfriend, she realized that, for one night, she didn’t care. Green Tea nuzzled Gold Watch as they stirred the next morning. “Good morning,” Green Tea said. “Good morning to you,” Gold Watch replied. “Sorry things didn’t work out like I wanted.” She frowned. “Gold Watch, you apologized last night, too. Listen to me. You never have to apologize for helping the ponies of this town.” The previous night, Gold Watch stayed downtown while Applejack and McIntosh returned Berry Punch’s home to its proper place. Twilight Sparkle’s help was needed to lift the home back on its foundation. Seeing the mare life an entire house with her telekinesis, even if for just a brief moment, reminded Gold Watch of just how powerful the unicorn was. He stuck around to make sure all the ponies involved were satisfied with the resolution, and didn’t have any need of the police. And by the time he returned home, Green Tea had already baked a chocolate cake and brewed coffee. “But I wanted to spend that time with you. Just one evening, uninterrupted. Is that too much to ask?” Gold Watch said. “We spent the best part of the night uninterrupted,” Green Tea replied. “I treasure every moment we share. Gold Watch, please don’t be blue.” Gold Watch’s eyes shot open. “That’s it!” “What?” “Blue.” “You’re not making any sense, dear,” Green Tea said. “The frosting on the cupcakes was blue. Why?” “Because it was blueberry frosting?” “Well, sure, but when has blueberry ever been associated with Hearts and Hooves Day?” “I like fruit in my Hearts and Hooves Day treats,” Green Tea said. “Chocolate covered cherries are standard, and I once had this delicious chocolate cake with a raspberry filling.” “But that’s just it. They’re all chocolate. Last night, you could have baked any kind of cake, but you wanted chocolate cake,” Gold Watch said. “You’re overthinking things, dear,” Green Tea said. “I doubt there’s anything wrong with Pinkie Pie’s delicious cupcakes.” Colgate awoke to a throbbing pain in her mouth, worse than any she had ever felt before. She stumbled out of bed and into Sharp Eye’s bathroom. She looked in the mirror, opened her mouth, and screamed. From the bedroom, Colgate heard several rough sounds, like somepony bumping into the wall. She heard Sharp Eye swear, and swear again when he bumped into the bedroom door, and again as he collided with the frame of the bathroom door. “What’s wrong?” Sharp Eye said. “Cavities! Dozens of them!” Colgate yelled. Sharp Eye tried to look at her mouth, but he couldn’t focus. He closed his eyes and pressed his hoof to the throbbing he felt in his forehead. When he opened his eyes again, Colgate got a good look at him. Behind his thick glasses, Sharp Eye was only able to focus one eye on Colgate. “You have derpy eyes,” she said. Sharp Eye looked at the mirror. “Strabismus,” he said. “Huh?” “This condition is called strabismus,” Sharp Eye said. “Or, colloquially, cross-eye or wall-eye. You shouldn’t use that term, you know.” “Sorry,” Colgate said. The one pony in town with the condition didn’t seem to mind the name, but then again, she didn’t seem bothered by anything. “In case you’re wondering, this condition does not develop overnight. And I’m guessing neither do cavities.” “You’re right,” Colgate said. “I just thought I was being punished for not brushing my teeth before bed, but that’s something that only happens in my nightmares.” “We’re awake, and I’ll stay by your side,” Sharp Eye said. “Do you want to go to the hospital?” “I think I want to see Twilight Sparkle instead. When strange things happen, she’s most likely to know how to fix them.” “Because she caused them?” Sharp Eye asked. “A lot of times, yes. But even if not, I hope she can tell us what happened.” Gold Watch trotted along the road, headed toward the police station. Above, the pegasi were moving clouds laden with snow into position. Though the weather schedule called for heavy snow, the number of pegasi working was smaller than normal for such a weather event. Just outside the police station, Gold Watch saw a hoof wave at him, from the side of the building. “Excuse me, Mister Police Chief?” a mare said. Gold Watch frowned and approached her cautiously. “Yes? What is it?” “We have to, um, report something?” Gold Watch remained a safe distance back and surveyed the scene. Two pegasus mares, likely sisters based on their similar appearances, stood there uncomfortably. One’s wings were abnormally large, their tips dragging on the ground. The other mare’s wings were dripping wet, though her coat, mane, and tail were dry. “Is it related to your appearance?” Gold Watch asked. “Yes, we woke up like this!” the other mare said. “Okay, come inside and I’ll take your statement,” Gold Watch said. A third voice whispered from behind the mares. Gold Watch thought he heard it say no. Gold Watch raised his voice. “Whoever else is in the alley, show yourself, now,” he ordered. The two mares nudged the figure, and a charcoal stallion sheepishly rose from his cowardly hiding spot. The first thing Gold Watch noticed is his mane and tail were missing. Not missing as in shaved, but missing as if he had been born without a mane. The second thing he noticed is that he recognized the stallion’s description. “Please, don’t make me go inside,” the stallion said. “Thunderlane?” Gold Watch asked. The stallion nodded. Gold Watch knew Thunderlane’s father was on guard duty right now. Out of kindness, he didn’t ask them to come inside. “Do you have a crime to report?” he asked. The three ponies looked at each other in confusion. “Are any of you in distress? Are you feeling pain?” “No,” they all said. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t think I can help you. Maybe you can check with the hospital?” “Or a wig maker,” one of the mares said, earning a glare from Thunderlane. “If you do learn about something that may be a crime, please come to the police station,” Gold Watch said. The three afflicted ponies departed, and Gold Watch entered the police station. Over at the guard station, Silver Shield nodded to him. “You’re not your usual punctual self,” he commented. “Is that because you had a good Hearts and Hooves Day?” “I did have a good Hearts and Hooves Day, thank you very much, but I was just talking to some citizens of Ponyville,” Gold Watch replied. He set about brewing a pot of coffee, but before it finished, another two ponies entered the station, an earth pony couple. The stallion pushed his long, shaggy mane out of his eyes. “Can you help me, Chief?” “What’s wrong?” “This!” Gold Watch got a better look at the couple. The mare was struggling to walk, with hooves three times the normal size. And as he watched the stallion, he saw his mane and tail growing even longer. “Unless you have a crime to report, or evidence of one, I’m afraid I can’t help. Please, go to the hospital,” Gold Watch said. “Okay,” the mare said. The stallion supported her body as she walked slowly out of the station. Once they departed, Gold Watch turned to Silver Shield. “If anypony else comes to the station with strange physical characteristics, please send them to the hospital. I need to go.” “To the hospital?” “Maybe later. For now, there’s a mare I need to talk to.” The door to Golden Oaks Library was closed, as the library wouldn’t open for another hour. But Colgate knocked on it anyway. After a minute of knocking, they heard a response. “I’m sorry, the library’s closed right now, but we’ll be open later this morning,” Twilight Sparkle called. “Twilight Sparkle, can we talk to you? We need your help,” Colgate replied. The librarian opened the door. “Oh, hi, Colgate,” she said. “And, um....” “This is my coltfriend, Sharp Eye,” she replied. “Okay, come in,” Twilight Sparkle said. Both Colgate and Sharp Eye noticed how Twilight Sparkle kept looking at Sharp Eye’s lazy eye. He closed it so that he could reach the couch without stumbling. “What brings you here?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “I woke up with cavities,” Colgate explained. “Sharp Eye woke up with strat....” “Strabismus.” “That.” “Both are conditions we are familiar with, due to our professions, but they don’t develop overnight,” Sharp Eye said. “I suspect some kind of magic at work, but I can’t figure out what,” Colgate said. “I can help you with that,” Twilight Sparkle said. She concentrated, and a violet aura encompassed her two visitors. She hmmed and ahed as she mentally made notes. “Okay. I sense low strength curse magic, along with the chaotic magical signature associated with the Everfree Forest. Tell me, have you been through the Everfree Forest recently?” “No,” Sharp Eye said. “Of course not,” Colgate said. Twilight Sparkle examined the shelves, pulling down a book, an illustrated guide to the flora of Equestria. She opened the book to a page that showed a blue flower. “You show signs of Poison Joke. Now, are you sure you haven’t been to the Everfree Forest?” “No,” Colgate affirmed. Twilight Sparkle nodded. “The lingering magic on you is very weak. It’s possible you encountered some Poison Joke residue. But I’m not certain. Very little is known about the plant, and how it affects ponies.” “Can you fix it?” Sharp Eye asked. “The spa has an herbal remedy that counteracts the effects of Poison Joke.” “Is there anything else you can do?” Colgate asked, rubbing her jaw. “We both need to get to work, and this condition is very distracting.” “I can use the counterspell to remove curse magic, but I think that’s going overboard,” Twilight Sparkle said. “Please?” Colgate asked. Twilight Sparkle nodded. But before she could start, she heard another knock on the door. “Miss Twilight Sparkle? Are you there?” Twilight Sparkle opened the door. “Hello, Chief.” “Dad?” Colgate said, shocked. “Colgate?” he said, equally surprised. “What are you doing here?” “They just ran into some minor curse magic,” Twilight Sparkle explained. Gold Watch focused on the open book. “What’s that?” he asked. “Poison Joke. It’s what I think is affecting these two.” “How did it affect them?” “Unless somepony’s not being honest about not going into the Everfree Forest, I don’t know.” He looked at the illustration of a blue flower. “What if that flower was incorporated into food?” “It would transmit the curse, I think. But the color would be obvious.” Gold Watch turned to Colgate and Sharp Eye. “Did you both eat cupcakes with blueberry frosting?” Both nodded. “How did you know?” Colgate asked. “Because I didn’t eat them,” Gold Watch replied. He turned to Twilight Sparkle. “Do you know how to deal with this?” “Let me try.” She concentrated on her countermagic, straining as she unwound the curse magic clinging to Colgate and Sharp Eye. Sharp Eye blinked as his eyes returned to normal. “My eyes! Thank you very much, Twilight Sparkle.” “Thanks,” Colgate added. “Glad to help,” she said as she wiped the sweat from her brow. “I’ve already encountered five other ponies who I suspect are afflicted in the same manner. Can I send them to you?” Gold Watch asked. “No. The countermeasure I know is rather draining, and I can’t keep doing it. It’s overkill for the level of the curse seen here. Fortunately, the spa has an herbal cure for Poison Joke, which should work.” “Then could you do me a favor? Please go to the hospital, and explain what’s happening to anypony you see with a similar curse. I’ll stop by the spa when it opens. Meanwhile, I have to see somepony.” “Hiya, Chiefarooni!” Pinkie Pie greeted Gold Watch as he entered Sugarcube Corner. “Please call me Chief, Miss Pinkie Pie,” he replied sternly. “Oooh. Somepony’s a Grumpy Gus today.” “I’m afraid I’m going to be busy today, since several ponies in town appear to be under the effect of Poison Joke. Do you know anything about it?” “Uh-huh!” she replied cheerily. “I ran into the plant before. It made my tongue all thick and floppy.” “I mean yesterday,” Gold Watch said. “Do you remember what you baked?” “Ooh, there were cookies and muffins and breads and my special Hearts and Hooves Day cupcakes!” Gold Watch shook his head. Pinkie Pie could clearly play dumb forever, so he decided to try the direct approach. “Miss Pinkie Pie, did you lace the blueberry frosting in the cupcakes you made yesterday with Poison Joke?” “Hmmm. I did visit Zecora’s hut recently, to get some of her spices. It’s possible I ran into some Poison Joke. I sure hope I didn’t contaminate anything I baked! Good thing that I know that ingested Poison Joke only lasts a few hours, and probably wouldn’t even need the full bath to cure! And the laws of Ponyville recognize that sometimes, ponies bring bad things in from the Everfree, and it should be treated like the accident it is.” Gold Watch recognized the tone of voice. His daughter used it every time she misbehaved and thought she could get away with it. He also heard a snort from the other side of the door leading to the kitchen. He reached out with his magic and pulled the door open. A rainbow-maned pegasus he recognized stumbled to the floor. “Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash said with forced casualness. “Looks like you’re busy, so gotta go!” She flew off through the kitchen. Gold Watch frowned and looked at Pinkie Pie. “I will be reviewing the relevant laws. But no matter what it says, I want to make something clear. I disapprove of your little prank.” “What prank?” Pinkie Pie replied with a smile. “But, you know, if ponies happened to have weird things happen in the company of their special somepony, then just think of them coming together to help each other! It sounds romantic to me. So, do you want breakfast?” “I don’t think I’m hungry.” Gold Watch returned to the library. Twilight Sparkle was absent, as expected, but Spike was there to retrieve the book with the laws of Ponyville, as well as anything that had been written about Poison Joke. As Gold Watch sat down, he had a bad feeling that Pinkie Pie understood the laws of Ponyville perfectly. After an hour of careful study, he learned more than he ever wanted to know about the kinds of curses Poison Joke could make. He also determined that nopony anticipated somepony using a plant from the Everfree Forest to impart mild curses on her fellow ponies. By that time, the spa was open. As soon as Gold Watch mentioned Poison Joke, the twins who ran the spa sprung into action. One set up a bath, while the other collected herbs. “Actually, could you give me a bottle with some of the cure when it’s done? I suspect the infected ponies might not need the bath. “Certainly, sir,” the pink mare replied. After eighteen minutes, the blue mare returned with a spray bottle, like one used for perfume, holding an aqua liquid. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll send ponies to the spa,” Gold Watch said. “Tell everypony that there will be a 20% discount for anypony who wants spa services today after receiving the Poison Joke cure,” the pink mare said. “Certainly,” Gold Watch said. Memories of his late wife flooded his mind. Blue Opal liked the spa, and on the few occasions when they traveled on vacation, Gold Watch had used her spa time as a chance to do something that Blue Opal didn’t care for. Did Green Tea visit the spa? It didn’t seem like her style, but Gold Watch decided he’d better ask. Besides, all mares liked a spa treatment before their wedding. A wedding. Gold Watch smiled. “Excuse me? Sir?” Gold Watch broke from his reverie to see the two mares looking at him. “Yes?” “We asked if you had any other concerns.” “Oh. No, I’m good. Thank you.” Gold Watch took the bottle with the Poison Joke cure, and headed to the hospital. The waiting room of Ponyville’s hospital was crowded. Ponies, mostly couples, waited, with any amount of strange things afflicting them. Gold Watch recognized a triage situation from the few disaster scenes in which he had been involved as a cop, and everypony here was out of immediate danger. It didn’t stop them from being annoyed, of course. Twilight Sparkle was gamely trying to maintain control, aiding the hospital staff. She saw him, and finally smiled in relief. “Chief! I’m so glad to see you!” “I’m happy to report the spa is ready with the Poison Joke cure,” Gold Watch said. “I also have a spray bottle, which I think may be enough to cure these ponies. Who would be willing to try it?” Upon hearing the word “cure”, a gangly earth pony stallion pushed forward. An embarrassed earth pony mare followed him. “Them,” Twilight Sparkle suggested. “You gotta help me,” the stallion said. He seemed embarrassed by his high-pitched voice. “Let’s see if this works,” Gold Watch said. “No promises, mind you.” He sprayed the stallion. As soon as the droplets hit his coat, he started gaining bulk, soon filling out into a muscular stallion. His cutie mark suggested he worked in construction, and this stallion now resembled the stereotypical construction pony. Gold Watch then sprayed the mare, who changed color from a gray coat and black mane to a bright fuchsia coat and two-tone gold and orange mane. She looked at herself, and sighed in relief. “Thank you,” she said. “We both thank you.” She nudged the stallion. “Yeah, thanks,” he added. “So, did you spend Hearts and Hooves Day together yesterday?” Gold Watch asked. “What’s it to you?” the stallion asked. The mare smacked the stallion. “What Cinder Block meant to say is that we spend a wonderful Hearts and Hooves Day together,” she said. “It was our first.” “Did you enjoy the delicious raspberry cupcakes that Sugarcube Corner was giving away yesterday?” Both ponies nodded. “Well, it looks like this cure works,” Gold Watch said. “If you want to be certain, though, the spa has a free bath that will cure your symptoms, and other services at a 20% discount. I’m sure your marefriend would appreciate a little pampering,” he told the stallion. The stallion rolled his eyes, but reconsidered when he saw the gleam in his marefriend’s eyes. After seeing that the spray bottle worked, Gold Watch and Twilight Sparkle then cured the other ponies in the waiting room. The only pony who wasn’t cured was a chubby colt, who admitted to having two of Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes. In his interaction with each of the couples, he confirmed that they all sampled Pinkie Pie’s cupcakes, and they were all spending their first Hearts and Hooves Day with their special somepony. The last group he cured was the stallion and two mares he had seen earlier. “Thunderlane, right?” Gold Watch asked. “Yeah,” he replied. “Let’s see if this regrows your mane.” Gold Watch sprayed, and Thunderlane’s mane regrew to its normal shape. At least Thunderlane was pleased by it, he noted. “You’re on the weather team, right?” Gold Watch asked. “Yep.” “Would you please send your boss to the police station after her shift is over?” “Rainbow Dash?” “Yes, Rainbow Dash. I want to have a conversation with her.” “Um, okay,” he replied. Twilight Sparkle turned to Gold Watch. “Why? What did Rainbow Dash do?” “What you witnessed here is the result of a little prank by Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I’m certain of it,” he stated. “With Poison Joke? I wouldn’t have expected them to go near that plant again.” “Why? Have you encountered it before?” Gold Watch asked. “Yes. The six of us encountered it on a previous trip to the Everfree Forest. It changed Rainbow Dash’s wings so that she couldn’t fly well, and it changed Pinkie Pie’s tongue so that she couldn’t talk.” “How long did it take for the plant to affect you?” “We all woke up affected by Poison Joke. So I’d say at least twelve hours, but I can’t be more specific. Sorry,” Twilight Sparkle said. “So it was a bad experience for you?” “In the end, no. We all got to meet Zecora, and we learned a valuable lesson about friendship and accepting other ponies. I’d say our relationship grew stronger as a result of the whole mess.” Gold Watch just grumbled. “What is it?” Twilight Sparkle asked. “I think Pinkie Pie learned the same lesson. And she wanted to share that lesson with everypony.” Gold Watch busied himself with paperwork, recording all the details of the day’s incident. The visitor he was expecting hadn’t yet shown up. But, to be fair, he had forgotten to ask when her shift ended. Thus, Gold Watch watched out the window every half hour. And two minutes after 4:00, he spotted the distinctive rainbow contrail of the pegasus of interest. Rainbow Dash strode into the police station with an air of false casualness. “Hey, Chief,” she said. “Fancy meeting you here.” “I work here,” Gold Watch deadpanned. “Oh, yeah, you do. So, what’s up? Got a problem with the weather schedule?” “You know why you’re here,” Gold Watch said. “So whose idea was the prank, yours or Pinkie Pie’s?” “We work as a team. It would be rude to claim credit,” she said. “If we did a prank, I mean. Which we totally didn’t,” she quickly added. “Relax, Rainbow Dash. You’re not going to be arrested for anything. I brought you here to talk to you, which I’m going to do regardless of whether or not you admit to your role in the prank. “Don’t do it again. Even if I accept that your heart was in the right place, you wasted my time, the time of the hospital staff, and the time of everypony who ate those Poison Joke cupcakes. I’m sure you noticed you were short-staffed on the weather team today?” “Yeah, but it’s just a snowstorm. Nothing I couldn’t handle by myself,” Rainbow Dash said, strutting as she floated in the air. “I also want to make it clear that the only reason I’m not arresting you and Pinkie Pie is because the law doesn’t support it. I will be talking to the mayor, so don’t expect to get away with this again.” “Duly noted,” Rainbow Dash said. “So, uh, hypothetically speaking, if there was a prank, what happened to you?” “I didn’t eat the cupcakes.” “What?” Rainbow Dash yelled. “I told Pinkie Pie specifically to... uh, come visit me? Yeah, come visit me after work.” “You live in a cloud house, don’t you?” “Doesn’t stop her,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Besides, I thought you appreciated a good prank.” “Why would you think that?” Gold Watch asked. “You sure seemed okay when my friends dressed up as Mare-Do-Well.” “Actually, I wasn’t okay with it. I had a long conversation with Twilight Sparkle about it.” He recounted the details of the conversation, and of the pranks gone bad he recalled from his days as a young officer. “But nothing we did got as nasty as that!” Rainbow Dash protested. “I mean, in the past. Past pranks.” Gold Watch facehoofed. “I already told you, I’m not going to arrest you. You can stop pretending. All I’m asking is you to be more thoughtful. Remember your foalhood lesson about the balance between harmony and discord? Pranks can be fun, but always remember that the pony being pranked is the one who will decide just how much you’ve embraced discord.” Rainbow Dash shuddered. “Okay. I can be thoughtful. Thoughtful’s my middle name. Rainbow Thoughtful Dash.” “Maybe I’ll ask the mayor to pull your records, and see if that’s your real middle name.” “You wouldn’t dare,” Rainbow Dash said. “You’re a good pony, Rainbow Dash, and I can’t thank you enough for saving Equestria. Now, keep being the best pony you can be,” Gold Watch said. “I will,” she replied. “So, uh, can I go?” “You’re free to leave.” “Great! Bye!” And in an instant, Rainbow Dash flew out of the police station. Gold Watch decided to do one last, unofficial patrol as he headed home. Despite the falling snow, ponies were out, enjoying the day. All around town, he saw happy ponies, including several of the couples he saw at the hospital. They gave him cheery smiles and thanked him for his help. Despite what happened to them, the couples were happy. He was loath to admit that Pinkie Pie’s plan might have worked. But Gold Watch didn’t need a prank to feel closer to his special somepony. He returned home, stamping his hooves on the mat to shake the snow out of his fetlocks. He was greeted by the warmth of a roaring fire and the smell of dinner cooking and coffee brewing. And, after a twelve second delay, a kiss and embrace from his very own special somepony. “Happy day after Hearts and Hooves Day, Green Tea,” Gold Watch said. “You can hold my heart in your hooves any day of the year, dear,” Green Tea replied.