//------------------------------// // Me and Maud?!?! // Story: Equestria ships // by xXConstant_iNSaNiTYXx //------------------------------// Princess Twilight sat at her writing desk, very focused on what she was writing. Her goal was simple; STOP THE SHIPPERS! The sudden shipping frenzy had gone a tab bit out of control. To say it was starting to piss Twilight off would be a massive understatement. Twilight was far passed simple annoyance. The next pony to so much as mention her name in any romantic context was going to be receiving a back hoof to the snout. She looked down on her master piece. Soon this article would (hopefully) put an end to this whole ordeal. Twilight had been very careful about what was written. The article included a few facts about herself. Just some random trivia. One fact however, Twilight hoped would accomplish exactly what this article was intended to do. She tried not to put to much emphasis on this one fact, so as not to seem suspicions. Yet enough that maybe it would do the trick. Twilight sighed as she placed the article down. She got up to leave, but soon stopped herself. "Oh, gotta remember to title it." Twilight picked up a quill and wrote in bold letters near the top of the page. She headed it, "I bet you don't know jack about the Princess of Friendship." She chuckled a bit at her brilliance, then Sub-headed it "Fun facts regarding Princess Twilight Sparkle." Twilight grinned and put the paper down. She thought to herself, "Maybe I should drop this whole princess thing and start writing for the paper, this is magnificent!" Perhaps a little egotistic, but the Alicorn was quite proud of her work. Now to get this printed. Twilight levitated the paper to her side, and tucked it underneath her wing. She then wrote Spike a note telling him where she was going and what she was doing. Twilight smiled then made her way out the castle entrance. "Time for justice." Twilight thought to herself with a smirk. Before going to Canterlot, she stopped by sugar cube corner. It was around eleven o'clock and Twilight had yet to have any breakfast. So a quick detour didn't sound like such a bad idea. The ring of the bell rung as Twilight entered the local store of diabetes. Sugar cube corner truly did have just about anything made of, covered in, filled with, or involving sugar in any way shape or form. Twilight waited patiently at the counter for assistance. "Just a minute!" Came a very cheery voice from the kitchen. The Purple princess was then greeted by Poyville's resident baker, caterer, and party planner extraordinaire, Pinkie pie. "Heyya Twi!" Pinkie smiled. "What can I get for you this wonderfully wonderful morning?" Twilight pondered this a bit. So many delicious treats to choose from. "May I please get a lemon berry scone." Twilight's stomach growled ferociously, at this Twilight blushed and replied. "Make that two." "Abso tutly lutly!" Pinkie giggled. "Hold on just a sec." Pinkie ducked down behind the counter and after a few moments of rummaging around pulled out a paper bag labeled "Sugar cube corned." She then reached into the display case and grabbed two mouth watering lemon berry scones. "That would be eight bits." Pinkie smiled. Twilight paid the party pony appropriately and took her scones. Just as she was about to leave, she was stopped by her pink friend. "So what are you doing today? Its gonna be pretty boring up here for me." Pinkie shrugged "Not much to do today." "I'm about to go hand in my article to Celestia so she can deal it out to some major news papers and magazines." Twilight now maintaining a bold posture and determined expression continued. "And maybe, just maybe... I can put an end to all this shipping madness." Pinkie was not paying complete attention. But responded regardless. "Oh. Neat! Mind if I come with?" "I don't see why not" Twilight shrugged. Pinkie Smiled and joined Twilight on her way to Canterlot. As they walked out of the bakery, in the distance a voice was heard. "TwiPie OTP!" Twilight face hoofed, and pressed on. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "And you're sure this is what you want me to hand in?" Celestia questioned. "Of course princess." Twilight nodded. "Then I'll see to it this is in most every major paper and magazine." Celestia assured. "Thank you your most royalest highness!" Pinkie bowed. "I'm sure Twi here is very grateful that you agreed to help." Celestia chuckled. "It's nothing really. I simply wished to help Twilight in her time of need." Twilight smiled. "And I can't thank you enough. But after you hand in this article I can take it from there." Celestia smiled and nodded in understanding. "Well, I suppose I'll see you soon Twilight. I wish you luck." Twilight grinned, then turned to leave. She motioned Pinkie to join her. She waved goodbye to the princess, and exited the castle. Before leaving Pinkie too said her goodbyes. "See you later Sun butt!" Pinkie snickered and followed Twilight out the door. Celestia was left alone, and her face once showing a regal like smile. Now had an annoyed frown plastered upon it. She grabbed the article and thought to herself. "Nopony calls me Sun butt!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight woke up the next day. She yawned adorably and scratched her head. Twilight's bed head was outraious. A complete hassle to deal with in the morning. She did however manage to tame the beast.... Eventually. Twilight went downstairs and ate breakfast, oatmeal and daisies, with orange juice on the side. Princess Twilight did her morning routine just like she would any other day. Only today wasn't any other day. Today was the day that Princess Twilight would be tasting sweet, sweet, victory. Twilight peaked her head outside, and right there on her doorstep was the latest issue of the Ponyville express. And right there, was the headline that read; "I bet you don't know jack about the Princess of friendship. Fun facts regarding Princess Twilight Sparkle." Twilight chuckled at the sight of her wonderful heading. She picked it up and read it once more. "I bet you didn't know jack about the Princess of Friendship." Fun facts regarding Princess Twilight Sparkle 1. Princess Twilight's favorite food is hay fries 2. Princess Twilight was a hard core otaku as a filly 3. Princess Twilight's favorite book is "Equestrian world records for dummies." By: Ink hoof 4. Princess Twilight has been diagnosed with OCD 5. Twilight Sparkle is Asexual... meaning little to no attraction to any pony AT ALL... And that was it. Twilight's plan. Now everypony would have no choice but to stop shipping her with everypony in Equestria. Why? Because there was little to no chance of it ever actually happening. Why? Because she's a bucking Asexual! THAT'S WHY! Of course this was not actually the case. In fact, Twilight was Bisexual. But if that cat were let out of the bag, that'd mean there would be near endless shipping opportunities. The madness would never end! But Twilight was pretty confident in her plan. I mean, what's the point of shipping two ponies that could never be together? It's foolish. Little did Twilight know... That is EXACTLY how shipping works... But Twilight was very happy with herself for the time being. She thought she was finally victorious. Twilight let out a long, breath and thought to herself, "HA! take that shippers." Twilight went through the rest of her day happy and relaxed. As she didn't receive any "awe's" From bystanders whenever she spoke to or looked at another pony. Victory was sweet. Twilight went to bed that night feeling very achieved. It had been quite some time since Twilight could talk to, or look at another pony without being instantly shipped. Twilight smiled. Then closed her eyes, for some much needed slumber. Twilight woke up early the next morning to a knocking at her door. Having just woken up, her mane was a disaster, and she had yet to get ready for the day. Being to lazy to take care of the mane situation right then and there, that and not wanting to keep the anonymous pony at her door waiting for to long. Twilight just threw on a hat before opening the door. Twilight was greeted by Derpy Hooves. Who once again had her mail. "Hello Twilight." Derpy greeted. "How have you been lately?" Twilight yawned. "Lately? I've been better. But I think I'm doing alright now." "Well that's good." Derpy replied. She reached into her carrier bag and pulled something out. "I've got your weekly magazine. But that's about it." Derpy smiled and handed the new magazine to Twilight. "Not to much mail today." "That's quite alright." Twilight grinned. "Anyways..." Derpy said. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a ton more mail to deliver. See you around Twilight." Derpy waved goodbye and flew off into the distance. Twilight tucked the magazine under her wing and went to go make herself some coffee. Twilight sat at her kitchen table, coffee near by. She sipped the hot beverage slowly as she picked up the magazine. Twilight loved nothing more then quiet, peaceful mornings such as this. "..." Twilight grew very, very quiet. Her eyes grew wide. Her ear began to twitch. There, right at the top of the magazine, it read; "Princess Twilight Sparkle, an Asexual?" "Interviews with some if the purple Alicorns close friends revealed that Ms. Pinkamena Diane Pie has a sister who may also be Asexual. Could these two Asexual mares possibly work past their complications and find true love? Later updates on the mysterious and questionable relationship between the Princess of Friendship and Maud Pie are soon to come..." Twilight couldn't believe what she was reading. She threw the Magazine against the wall in a very violent manner. "OH FOR THE LOVE OF FU-..." The end