//------------------------------// // Chapter Three: Time and a Half // Story: Vinyl and Octavia Break The Timestream // by DoctorSpectrum //------------------------------// The door to the throne room burst open. Into the cold, stone room entered a brown-coated unicorn, moving quickly. The queen, sitting on her throne, raised an eyebrow at this. She recognised this pony as a messenger, and wondered what news he had to bring her. “Your majesty!” the messenger said, kneeling before the queen. “Mine hooves have rushed as quickly as I might move them, that I could inform thee of this important news. Mayhaps I be granted permission to speak to thine ears only, that you would know of it?” “Speak, messenger,” said the queen, idly examining a hoof of hers as she did so. “Speak, that I may know this news of utmost importance, and find out what happens in my lands. Speak, that I may decide what to do with this information, and act accordingly.” “Of course, my lady,” said the messenger, still kneeling before the queen. His knees were already aching on the cold, stone floor, but he didn’t say anything about it. Although there were several torches lit around the room, attached to large columns supporting the ceiling, the throne room was as cold as it got. The lack of ponies in the room – aside from the queen and the messenger, there were just a few ministers and guards – only contributed to the cold. “The news that I have for you, the news that has brought me from the farthest corner of the castle to thine throne room, shall be spoken, your majesty. I am sure that it shall please thee, for –” “Yeah, yeah, hurry it up, buddy,” said the queen impatiently, waving a hoof. A few of her ministers gave her odd looks. “Of course, your majesty. Mine most important news is as follows – ” the messengers took a moment to clear his throat “- thine hoofmaiden wouldst speak to thee, if it is acceptable.” “Mine hoofmaiden wishes to speak to me, eh?” asked the queen, placing a hoof to her chin. “Very well then, if that be her wish, then by all means shall I speak with her! Ministers! I shall take my leave, that I wouldst commune with mine hoofmaiden.” “But your majesty, we still have yet to discuss thine trading agreement with the pegasi,” said one minister. The others around him nodded. “In addition, we would have need to speak to thee about thine additional funding to the magical research division,” added another minister. “Couldst thou not wait until thine – uh, ‘evening ministrations’ – with thine hoofmaiden to speak to her?” The queen stood up off her throne, glaring at her ministers. “Stallions! Am I not the queen? Am I not thine ruler? If I wish to speak to mine hoofmaiden, I shall do it at a time of mine pleasing, not at a time of thine pleasing! So I say, and so it shall be!” With that, she turned her back to them without waiting for a reply, and exited the throne room, heading off to find her hoofmaiden. It didn’t take her long to find her. “Your majesty,” said the hoofmaiden, kneeling before the queen as she entered the bedroom where she was. There was a large bed next to the hoofmaiden, and all around the room were various dressers and cupboards, presumably containing clothes. One wall was covered mostly by a tapestry. Like the rest of the castle, the room was made of stone. “Ah, cut out that ‘your majesty’ crap around me, Octavia,” said the queen, shutting the door behind her. “I know you’re taking the piss, but gee, I just need to – I dunno, hear somepony speak modern Equestrian.” “Vinyl, even though this isn’t our native time, this is technically modern Equestria, to all of the ponies here,” said Octavia. “We are in a time before the three tribes worked together to form Equestria, after all.” “Argh, you know what I mean,” said Vinyl, letting herself fall backwards onto the bed by which Octavia was standing. “I just get so sick of all of those ‘thees’ and ‘thous’ and all that crap.” She shook her head. “Anyway, enough about that crap – what’s up?” “Forgive my impatience, but…” Octavia grimaced. “Any luck on casting the time travel spell yet?” “Let’s give it a go and see,” said Vinyl. As usual, her horn glowed a light blue colour as she summoned up the magical energy necessary to cast the spell. As with the last few times she had tried it, however, she soon began wincing with pain, and it wasn’t long before her head had begun to ache enough that she cancelled out the spell. “No dice.” “Damn,” said Octavia, punching a wall lightly in frustration. “Two weeks!” she said, more harshly and impatiently. “Two whole weeks we’ve been here, and even though you’re fine with most of your magic, you still can’t cast this one damn spell!” “Hey now, I’m sure that I’ll be able to –” started Vinyl, but Octavia wasn’t listening. “Why? Why doesn’t that damn spell work?” she asked rhetorically. “When are we going to get the bloody hell home?!” “Octavia!” exclaimed Vinyl. “Calm down, babe. It’s gonna be alright.” Octavia looked as though she wanted to keep venting her anger, but instead, she took a deep breath, then jumped onto the bed so that she was lying beside Vinyl. “Sorry, Vinyl,” she said, “it’s just that being here for so long without any sign of when we can leave…it’s frustrating to say the least. In the previous time periods, at least we left fairly early and had our future selves to help us, respectively.” Vinyl nudged herself closer to Octavia. “Yeah, being here kinda is a bitch. The only reason I can think for the spell still not working –” “- is because you were drunk when you cast it, so it messed with how badly the spell affected you, yes,” said Octavia, finishing Vinyl’s sentence. “We’ve discussed this several times.” Octavia rolled over, so that she was on her side facing Vinyl. “Saying it out loud helps me to think about it,” explained Vinyl, sounding a little sheepish. As she started to stroke Octavia’s hair, she added, “On the plus side, considering that we’re in that time of history before the unification of the three tribes, things could always be a lot worse.” “You just say that because you’re the queen of the unicorns!” said Octavia, laughing slightly. “I still can’t believe that because of that – because of that bloody picture you drew in that cave all those millions of years ago of yourself, they thought that you were the deity ‘Awesome’, and made you a queen. It’s ridiculous, is what it is!” “Are you kidding?! It’s amazing!” said Vinyl, also starting to laugh now. “Do you know how great it is to be queen?!” “I’m surprised that you’ve kept the position,” said Octavia, serious now. “Since when have you been into politics? I thought you hated them.” “I do!” said Vinyl, sitting upright as she spoke. “But I figure that while I’m in a position of power, I can be a sort of a…frozen horse in the system, y’know?” Octavia stared at Vinyl as she too sat upright, unsure what to say to that. She opened her mouth, trying to work out where to start in correcting Vinyl’s choice of words. How to even begin to explain to Vinyl the concept of one of the most ingenious and legendary ways to win a war, and how it later became a figure of speech? Even as Octavia opened her mouth to speak, she found herself closing it, already foreseeing Vinyl’s lack of interest in the topic by her excited, puppy-like expression. “See, I figure that while I’m here,” said Vinyl, noticing Octavia’s confusion, “I’ll set things up! I’ll plant sleeping agents, and then years later – when we’re in our own time – everything will come together! They’ll wake up, and they’ll help me start anarchy in Equestria! Anarchy will reign, and during this period of anarchy, I will be the pony who rules!” “Oh really?” asked Octavia playfully. “What about your marefriend, huh?” She lightly punched Vinyl, causing her to giggle. “Don’t I get to rule in this…anarchy?” Octavia’s voice trailed off as she realised exactly what she’d said, and how little sense it made. “Something wrong?” asked Vinyl, frowning. Octavia shook her head. “No worry; you’ve certainly said sillier things before,” she said, smiling. At this stage in the conversation, Octavia would have continued to teasingly punch Vinyl, perhaps ending the conversation with some light-hearted tickling, or kissing. It was a prospect she was fully prepared for and fully looking forwards to. As it was, as Octavia drew back her hoof oh-so-slightly, several things happened – the door to the room burst open, the doors to both of the cupboards swung open, and in front of the tapestry, a small surge of magic revealed a pony who had been pressed against the wall, apparently hidden by magic until the time was right to strike. From the cupboards and the door to the room, unicorns leapt out, one through each entrance. They wore no clothes or distinguishing items, save for a rag tied around each of their muzzles, disguising them at least partially. As was to be expected, they were unicorns. Each of them, as well as the pony who had been hidden against the tapestry, wielded a weapon of some sort – swords, daggers, axes, and even a mace. The ponies all, without needing to say anything, begun to approach the two mares on the bed. Fortunately, Vinyl and Octavia’s instincts had been honed by the multitude of fights they had participated in by this stage of their lives, in addition to their COBRA training, and so their reaction was immediate. Both ponies leapt up so that they were standing on the bed, and stood with their flanks together, covering sides of the bed. As it was against a wall, naturally, there was little chance of them being flanked. “Vinyl? Any idea who these ponies are?” Octavia asked, preparing herself to leap forwards and drive her hoof into the nearest pony. “I must be a better ruler than I thought!” said Vinyl excitedly. “I must have organised the sleeping agents without realising it, and now they’re ready to strike! Begin the revolution!” To her side, a loud smacking noise was heard as Octavia slammed a hoof into her face. “By the spirits of chaos and order, ‘twould seem that the queen is as much a problem as they say she is!” said one of the ponies, pausing as he reached the edge of the bed in apparent surprise. “Forsooth, mine ally,” said the pony next to him. “Brothers! Let us all carry out this mission which we have been granted, that order may be restored to the kingdom! We must deal with this problem and eliminate the Earth pony!” “Deal with this problem? You ponies are trying to kill Vinyl and I?” asked Octavia, bouncing slightly on the bed’s springs. Using the momentum from it, she flew off the bed and towards the nearest pony, crashing into him with her full body weight behind her. From there, she rolled off him and into the pony behind him, who fortunately didn’t have the sense of mind to levitate his sword blade-first before him. For her part, Vinyl did a backwards somersault as one of the assassins climbed onto the bed, before levitating his sword downwards away from her. It stabbed into the mattress harmlessly, a moment before Vinyl levitated it back so that the handle hit the assassin on the chin firmly. “Aw man, my bed’s totally got a rip in it!” she complained as she bounced forwards, using the mattress’ springs for momentum as Octavia had, punching her assassin in the face. “Now I’m going to have to get a new cover for it and everything!” “That’s your biggest concern in all of this?” asked Octavia as she slid her back hooves against one of the attackers in a sweeping motion, knocking him to the ground. “That your covers – argh!” Not looking behind her, she had received an axe wound to the shoulder. In response, she grabbed the attacker’s head and forcefully pushed it into the ground with as much strength as she could muster. “That your covers got ripped?” Octavia panted as she turned back to face the pony she’d knocked to the ground, who was already on his hooves. “Hey, these are really nice covers!” said Vinyl, lazily using her magic to grab the assailant on the bed and throw him to the ground. “You should know – you sleep in this bed too!” Vinyl jumped off the bed and landed directly onto the pony she’d thrown off, knocking the wind out of him. Octavia, for her part, was rapidly backing away from one of the attackers, who was now swinging his sword in broad arcs at her. Having regained his composure after her initial attack, he was smart enough not to let her get close to her after seeing what she had done to his associates. Gritting her teeth, Octavia looked for a way to get past the sword and to the vulnerable pony, but saw no immediate way. The assassin grinned, aware of the advantage he had. “Give up information on thine Earth pony masters – tell us how thou hast brainwashed our queen – and I might let you live,” the assassin said, rotating his sword so that the tip was pointed directly at Octavia. “I haven’t done anything to the – urgh, queen,” said Octavia, groaning in spite of herself. “What she’s told you is true – I’m her hoofmaiden, and I am loyal to her.” “Thou wouldst willingly work for a unicorn?” scoffed the assassin. “You lie! No Earth pony would work for a unicorn – for what force in this land could make two separate races work together? What force could make thou treat thine queen as an equal, as she treat you as one?” he asked. “No, thou wouldst rather die than work with a unicorn! And die you shall!” With that, he used his telekinesis to throw the sword at Octavia, the point flying towards her. Octavia had been prepared for it, but still hesitated for a split second as she registered that, yes, avoiding the sword was what she wanted to do. Throwing herself to the floor, Octavia knocked the wind out of herself, the sword flying over her head a moment after she had done so. With the force it had been thrown at, it stuck into the bed, vibrating silently. Octavia released a breath she hadn’t realised she had been holding, realising how closely she had just come to death. “You…assassin…” she said, grinning at the assassin. “Whoever you are – whatever your name is – I don’t care. You say that there’s no force that could get two ponies such as Vinyl and I to work together?” Scowling, the assassin pulled his sword out of the bed, and aimed it so that it was pointing towards Octavia, still lying prone on the ground. “Thine last moments are swiftly approaching,” said the assassin quietly. “For thine own sake, thou may wish not to lie to thineself in them.” “There is a force that exists, and it has a name,” said Octavia, still grinning. A second later, a giant white blur flew across the room and tackled the assassin to the ground, causing him to lose his grip on his sword. “It’s called love,” Octavia said, getting up and walking over to her partner beating up the assassin. “I don’t think you could have said that any cheesier if you’d wanted to,” said Vinyl, momentarily stopping her assault to face Octavia. “Good timing though – I’d just finished knocking out the rest of the assassins, so this guy’s the only one left. Now, about those bed covers…” Octavia rolled her eyes. “There’ll be some spare covers in a cupboard somewhere, Vinyl,” she said.  “The cupboard!” gasped Vinyl. “Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?” “Personally, I’m more interested in this guy,” Octavia said, gesturing to the assassin, now sporting a heavily bloodied face. “Who sent you to kill us?” “Thou thinkest that I would answer thou, an Earth pony? Or the queen she has enslaved?” the assassin asked, grinning in spite of his injuries. “Thou must think me a fool. Why wouldst I do that?” “Why wouldn’t you?” asked Octavia. “We can hurt you much further if we want.” “Or I could give you something cool. Like teaching you how to play chess!” said Vinyl. Octavia raised an eyebrow at her. “What? Chess is fun, and I bet he doesn’t know how to play!” “Be that as it may…” said Octavia, shaking her head slightly but smiling nonetheless, “tell us who sent you to kill us,” she said to the assassin. The assassin’s grin widened. “How about…no?” he asked. Before Vinyl or Octavia could react, he had slammed his head into the ground, knocking himself out. The two took a moment to take it in, not having expected it. “Crap,” said Vinyl, breaking the silence, “can you believe all of that blood he just left?” ===============================   “So, you think that one of your ministers sent the assassins?” said Octavia quietly. After calling some guards to clean up the mess that had been caused by the attack and getting medical attention to where Octavia had been stabbed by the axe, which was now covered in bandages, the two ponies were slowly walking through the corridors of the castle. There was to be a banquet that night- as it was, there was a banquet in the castle virtually every night, it being the norm for the cooks of the castle to provide an overly elaborate meal for their queen – and they were slowly heading to the large dining hall through the castle corridors. “It makes sense, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “Whoever hired the assassins would have to have a lot of money, which the ministers would have, and whoever it is would want to benefit from both our deaths – I secretly named you my successor should I die before we time travel out of here, which many ponies don’t know, so whoever wanted us both killed obviously wants the power of the throne for themselves, and is trying to get it. Any one of the ministers would be able to install and manipulate a puppet leader if we were both killed, so it must have been one of them.” “That’s some…impressive logic, Vinyl,” said Octavia. “I suppose that we’ll have to work out which minister hired them then, if you’re correct.” “Sure thing – I don’t think we’ve done political intrigue before, have we?” asked Vinyl. “Should be good fun, if we can pull it off.” “…If your idea of fun is trying to work out who tried to have us killed, sure,” said Octavia, shaking her head. “Do you still that we won’t be able to get any information out of the assassins?” Vinyl gave a small shrug. “I dunno, Octavia. They’re professionals, so they might be trained not to talk, but you did see me tell the guards to interrogate them, so who knows what will turn up?” She looked a bit hesitant. “I’ve got to say though – I’m a little worried about this banquet. If I’m right, and one of the ministers is behind the attack, then they’ll know by now that I’m still alive. There could be another assassination attempt on us later tonight.” “In a large, public area like the dining hall?” asked Octavia incredulously. She shook her head. “Somehow, I don’t see an assassination attempt happening in such an open place as here.” As she spoke, she and Vinyl entered a large hall filled with long, rectangular tables. Most seats were already filled, with the exception of two at the head of the table. There were candles and fireplaces lit for light and warmth, and although there was food placed on the tables, none of it had been eaten yet. As soon as everypony noticed the two new arrivals, they all stopped what they were doing and greeted them warmly. “Huh, maybe you’re right, Octavia,” said Vinyl as she and Octavia walked to their seats at the head of the table, directly below a chandelier. “Seeing all these ponies here…yeah, this does feel pretty safe.” She sat down in her seat, which was a large, ornate chair. To her left sat Octavia, whose chair was less fancy but still more comfortable than most other ponies’, and to her right sat a minister dressed in black robes. With Vinyl seated, the ponies all took this as a sign that they could begin eating.   “Ah, you have returned, mine queen!” said the minister warmly. “Good to see that thou art doing well after that assassination attempt which mine hooves definitely were not behind!”   “Thanks, Minister von Doom, amateur poison brewer!” said Vinyl cheerfully.   “Before thou begins thine meal, wouldst thou like to partake in this particular formula which I have concocted with mine own hooves?” asked Minister von Doom. As he spoke, he levitated over a goblet with a bubbling, acidic-smelling liquid inside it. It sizzled slightly in the goblet as it was moved over to Vinyl. “I can assure thee, it will most certainly change thine and thine hoofmaiden’s lives greatly once it has been ingested.”   “Life-changing? Wow, that sounds just like that sort of thing that’s perfect for me!” said Vinyl excitedly. “Come on, Octavia, we have to try this!”   “Are you sure?” asked Octavia, looking up from the salad she had briefly started eating. “It looks somewhat…toxic.”   “Pfft! What, you think that lovable old Minister von Doom, a former necromancer and chemical expert, would be brewing something poisonous for us to drink?” Vinyl scoffed. Leaning in closer to Octavia, she muttered, “It’s that Minister Peace that we need to really keep an eye on. I don’t think I trust a pony with a name like that…”   “You mean the only member of your court other than yourself to treat me as an equal?” Octavia asked. “She’s obviously just trying to lure you into her circle of trust, so she can take advantage of you!” exclaimed Vinyl, slightly too loudly. “But too bad for her that we saw through her nefarious plan, right, Octavia?”   “Everypony is looking at you, Vinyl,” whispered Octavia. It was true; most of the ponies in the room were looking up from their meal and to their queen, shouting out some sort of conspiracy theory.   “So they should be! I’m their damn queen!” said Vinyl excitedly, standing up as she pounded a hoof on the table. A moment later, she sat back down and spoke to Octavia as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened. “Now, where were we?”   “You were about to drink mine delicious potion, your majesty,” said Minister von Doom, who had been watching the two ponies as they spoke. “I wouldst appreciate it if thou wouldst drink it now, whilst the brew is most…potent.”   “Sure thing!” said Vinyl, reaching out for the goblet with a hoof. She picked it up and was just about to drink it, when –   “Wait!” said Octavia. Vinyl paused. “Can I drink it first? It looks delicious, and I don’t think I can wait any longer to try it.”   “Sure!” said Vinyl, without hesitation. She passed it to Octavia, who, without hesitation in spite of Minister von Doom watching her, tipped it upside down so that all of the contents spilled onto the table. Where they landed, a strong hissing noise could be heard, and smoke appeared. Within moments the effects of the liquid were readily seen, as it ate greedily into the wood of the table. Amongst the loud talking, eating, and drinking, nopony noticed aside from Octavia, Vinyl, and Minister von Doom.   “Whoops,” said Octavia in a dull tone as she stared at Minister von Doom. “My hoof slipped.”   “Curses! Were I an assassin attempting to kill the queen and you, her hoofmaiden, that would have foiled my plan, and that is what I would have said,” said Minister von Doom coldly. “Luckily for you, I am not, or I would surely have further plans in place for should that one fail.”   Vinyl nodded in agreement to von Doom and leaned in to Octavia. “He’s got a good point – it’s a good thing that he’s not an assassin, or we’d totally be at his mercy!”   “…When you say things like that, Vinyl, I honestly wonder about you,” said Octavia. “How could you seriously not be suspicious of that?”   “Of what?” asked Vinyl, blinking in confusion. Her eyes were wide open, her mouth was pursed. She had never looked more innocent.   “Let’s just say that you confuse me and leave it at that,” said Octavia, rolling her eyes.   “Either way, Minister von Doom’s got a point!” said Vinyl. “There could be an assassin around here - we’d better keep our eyes peeled extra-wide!”   “Keep thine eyes peeled for what?” asked a new arrival to the table. A pink-coated unicorn with a yellow mane had just approached Vinyl and Octavia.   “Speak of the devil,” growled Vinyl under her breath.   “Good evening, Minister Peace,” said Octavia friendlily. “How are you doing this evening?”   “Very well, thank you, hoofmaiden Octavia,” said Minister Peace cheerfully as she pulled up a chair and sat next to Octavia. “Whilst waiting for mine meal to arrive, I had thought it best to check on mine queen and see that she is in prime condition after her brief scuffle with those assassins.”   “Oh, goodness, it would take a lot more than that to stop Vinyl!” said Octavia, laughing jovially. To her side, Vinyl was busily talking to Minister von Doom once more. “At least, for as long as I’m by her side.”   “Really? You two seem close, particularly for an…Earth pony,” commented Minister Peace. Although the words irritated Octavia, she realised that Minister Peace was combatting the racism of the current times as best she knew how, and that she was still by far one of the friendliest ponies there.   “Yes, well, remind me to tell you of how Vinyl and I met sometime…or maybe don’t, it probably won’t make a lot of sense from your perspective,” said Octavia, smiling at the memory. Turning her attention to Minister Peace, she found the unicorn staring upwards at the ceiling before breaking off from whatever she was looking at.   “I am sure that it is quite the tale, and would love to hear it some time,” said Minister Peace, smiling. Turning to Vinyl, she said, “Mine queen, how art thou after that assassination attempt earlier? Thine hoofmaiden insists that thou art fine, but I thought it best that I asked myself.”   “Huh?” Vinyl asked, turning from Minister von Doom. “Oh, y’know, I’m fine. It’d take more than that to stop me, especially while I’ve got my bestest buddy Octavia by my side!” Turning to Octavia, she said, much more enthusiastically than she had said to Minister Peace, “Hey Octavia, did you know that Minister von Doom here once nearly created a spell to destroy all non-unicorns in Equestria back in his necromancer days? How cool is that?!”   Having resumed eating, Octavia briefly coughed and choked on a piece of lettuce before managing to survive the ordeal and swallow it.   “From a magical perspective, of course,” added Vinyl casually, apparently unaware of the effect her words had had on Octavia. “A spell like that would be…well, it would be even more complex and powerful than the- you know.” She lowered her voice and leant in towards Octavia. “Than the time travel spell that brought us here.”   Minister von Doom nodded, in spite of not having heard Vinyl’s last few words. “I mayhaps could have completed it had I had more corpses to experiment with , but there are never enough around to work with,” he said, grinning.   “Isn’t that just always the case?!” agreed Vinyl. “Probably. I dunno. I haven’t tried necromancy yet.”   “…Oh sweet mother of Celestia, the spirit zombies are coming,” said Octavia, wincing.   “I know not of what you ponies are speaking, but nevertheless, I think I had best return to mine seat now that I know mine queen is safe,” said Minister Peace to the entire group. “Mayhaps I shall return later in the eve – it depends upon what happens next.” With a polite nod to everypony, she walked off, slowing briefly as she cast her eyes upwards above the ponies once more.   “Minister Peace?” muttered Octavia, frowning as she followed the unicorn’s gaze. “What are you looking –” Reacting with the speed of thought, Octavia kicked herself out of her chair and launched herself at Vinyl in the one motion as hard as she could. Forcing her body weight into the pony as she had one of the assassins earlier, Octavia’s leap knocked Vinyl into Minister von Doom, sending all three to the floor, grazing themselves in the process. Not a second later the gigantic chandelier, which the three had been sitting below obliviously, crashed into the table and seats heavily. For several moments Vinyl, Octavia, and Minister von Doom simply stared at it in silence, realising how close they had been to death.   “Oww – my shoulder,” said Octavia a second later, realising that a sharp throbbing pain had begun where she had been stabbed earlier, apparently having been injured further in the leap.   “You want to get more bandages or something put on it?” Vinyl asked as she picked herself up off the floor and helped Octavia up. Everypony in the room was watching them, murmuring and whispering about what had just happened. Beside them, Minister von Doom had also gotten up.   “It’s something of a dull pain, but I will manage,” said Octavia. “Right…Well, um, sorry about that, uh, disturbance, everypony,” said Vinyl to the guests at the dining hall. “Your queen and her hoofmaiden will move somewhere else, while, uh, I guess it’s cleaned up?” Although some ponies looked like they were about to protest, they nevertheless reluctantly quietened down and resumed talking as they had been before.   Octavia started to head over to a table which she could see was empty, but was held back by Vinyl. “We need to talk,” whispered Vinyl.   “We do?”   “It’s Minister Peace,” said Vinyl, walking Octavia over to a corner where they wouldn’t be heard as easily. “What should we do about her?”   Octavia frowned. “…Invite her to our table?”   “I mean about the fact that she probably tried to assassinate us,” said Vinyl seriously. “I think that she used her magic to loosen the chandelier just then – don’t you find it a bit suspicious that it fell down just as she was leaving?”   “What? No, it was a coincidence,” said Octavia. “Probably,” she added as Vinyl raised her eyebrows.   “You don’t think it’s suspicious?” asked Vinyl. “The way she’s been trying to manipulate you, get you into her circle?”   “That’s what makes you think that she’s behind the assassins?” asked Octavia. “Because she’s trying to be friendly to me?”   “Well, that and the face that her name is ‘Peace’,” said Vinyl, waving a hoof in the air idly. “C’mon, bad guys in stories like this always have names like that for irony.”   “Her name is what makes you susp- wait, what do you mean ‘stories like this’?” asked Octavia, drawing air quotes as she spoke.   “You know, stories similar to this situation we’re in right now,” clarified Vinyl. “Which isn’t a story.”   “Oh, right,” said Octavia. “But as it is, how can you suspect a pony called Peace but not the one called von Doom?”   “How can you suggest that a pony named von Doom is evil just because of his name?” Vinyl asked.   “I didn’t-”   “That’s being judgemental, Octavia! Is it because he used to be a necromancer? Because necromancers are ponies too!”   Octavia rubbed a hoof into her eyes in apparent tiredness. “You’re not going to address the fact that he tried getting us to drink…I don’t know, poison? Acid?”   “…You have no way of proving that,” said Vinyl, pointing a hoof at Octavia. “Minister von Doom is a perfectly friendly and normal pony, and I’ll bet that he’s a hell of a lot more innocent than Minister Peace!”   “And I’ll bet that he’s the one who hired the assassins, and tried to kill us earlier!” countered Octavia.   “Right then! What are we betting?” asked Vinyl.   “…Oh, I meant it more like, a figure of speech,” said Octavia after a moment of confusion. “You know, it says a lot about how much we’ve survived and our confidence as a result that we place bets on who’s trying to kill us.”   “Isn’t that great?!” asked Vinyl enthusiastically. “We’re so chill about death – we’re awesome!” Looking at Minister Peace across the room as she spoke, she said, “How about we say that if Minister Peace is behind the assassins, you have to get drunk with me and…I dunno, drink wine off my chest!”   Octavia blushed, hiding a nervous giggle behind a hoof. “And if I’m right, and Minister von Doom is behind the assassins, and tried killing us earlier with poison?”   “Then you get the satisfaction of telling me that you were right in Pony Heaven,” said Vinyl, “because it would be pretty damn unexpected if an assassination attempt came from von Doom.” She suddenly gasped as a new train of thought hit her. “What if we became ghosts, instead? We could haunt Equestria, and go wherever we want… how cool would that be? ‘Vinyl and Octavia Become Ghosts’?”   Octavia smacked a hoof into her face. “How about we just head back to our dinners, and try to keep an eye out for assassins?” she asked. “We’re not going to become ghosts now, nor in the near future.”   “That’s what you say, Octavia,” said Vinyl as she trotted over to a table with her partner, “but just you wait and see! Maybe we’ll end up become ghosts in the very next time period we visit!” Sitting next to Minister von Doom, who had also relocated after the chandelier had crashed, she greeted him with a friendly, “Hi, Minister von Doom, my most friendly and reformed of ministers, who would never attempt to kill Octavia and I!”   “Hello, mine queen, the monarch whom I definitely adore and would never plot to kill,” returned Minister von Doom. “May I give you a hug, that I may show my concern for you?”   “Sure!” said Vinyl, reaching out her forelegs to Minister von Doom. He too stretched out his forelegs, as something glinted in a hoof-   “No!” exclaimed Octavia, grabbing Vinyl and pulling her backwards. A moment later, the dagger in Minister von Doom’s hoof stabbed at where Vinyl’s back would have been. Roughly pushing Vinyl, who still wasn’t sure what had just happened, to one side, Octavia took a step forwards and punched von Doom in the muzzle.   “What is wrong, hoofm-” Minister von Doom was cut off as Octavia punched him again several times, before one final punch was enough to knock him to the floor, lying on his back.   Placing a hoof over his throat, Octavia quietly said, “Minister von Doom, what in Celestia’s name do you think you’re doing?” The entire room was watching tensely, except for Vinyl, who was casually sitting on a chair and grinning as she watched the scene unfold.   “Who’s name?” asked von Doom, confused.   “You know, Cele- look, I just caught you trying to stab Vinyl – the queen – with a dagger,” said Octavia, glancing at where the dagger had fallen after her initial punch. “How do you explain this?”   “Fear not, mine friend, for the explanation is a simple one!” said von Doom. “I had been eating mine meal with that…dagger…and had forgotten to let go of it during the hug. A simple explanation, yes?” All around the room, the crowd breathed sighs of relief.   “The dagger has a tag attached to it saying, ‘May the puppet queen die!’” said Octavia, frowning. She increased the pressure her hoof was placing on von Doom’s throat slightly.   “Part of a complex spell designed to keep the dagger clean at all times.”   “The stabbing motion you made once I pulled Vinyl away?”   “Mine attempt to calm the queen via application of force to certain pressure points.”   “Like acupuncture!” exclaimed Vinyl, cheerfully. Octavia raised her eyebrows.   “You can’t seriously believe that, can you?” she asked.   Vinyl shrugged playfully. “Hey, it’s only loveable old Minister von Doom! How could a guy like him be trying to kill me?”   Octavia frowned. “Are you hearing yourself speak? You know what you’re saying? It’s one thing to nearly fall for an assassination attempt, but then to defend your assassin?” She shook her head and reluctantly stepped away from von Doom. “Follow me,” she said.   “Eh?” asked Vinyl as the two ponies headed towards the exit, the crowd watching in bewilderment. “Where are we headed, Octavia?”   “Someplace safe,” muttered Octavia. To a pair of guards standing by the exit, she said, “Keep an eye on Minister von Doom, and don’t let him out of the room. Make sure he doesn’t have any weapons on him while you’re at it.”   “Right. Don’t let von Doom out of the room if he has weapons on him,” one of the guards confirmed cheerfully. Octavia frowned.   “Err…no, don’t let him out no matter what. But make sure that he doesn’t have any weapons on him while you’re at it.”   “Make sure he’s got weapons on him when he’s let out,” said the same guard, nodding in confirmation.   “…Let him out under no circumstances,” said Octavia seriously. “Do you understand that?”   “Yes, of course,” said the guard, smiling.   “And check to see what weapons he has,” said Octavia. “Can you do that?”   “Of course,” said the guard. “Just one question – if he has no weapons when we search him, do we give him ours?”   Octavia smacked a hoof into her face. “Celestia’s Mane, no wonder they accepted Vinyl as their leader so easily.” To the guard, she said, “Just…keep an eye on von Doom, and don’t let him do anything suspicious.” She left the room.   “Don’t worry guys – I’m sure von Doom is innocent,” said Vinyl, grinning. “Feel free to be lenient with him.” She followed Octavia out, where it soon turned out that their destination was their bedroom. Vinyl entered after Octavia and closed the door.   Octavia was pacing the room, unable to keep still. She looked outside the large window for a brief moment before muttering something to herself and continuing her pacing. Vinyl, for her part, jumped onto the bed. She watched Octavia for a few moments before asking, “Whatchya doing?”   “Isn’t it obvious?” Octavia asked. “I’m thinking!”   “Geez, Octavia, you seem really stressed out,” said Vinyl, concerned. “Have you considered taking this a bit more calmly?”   “Calmly? You were just nearly stabbed!” Octavia exclaimed. “How can you trust – how can you stay so calm?!”   “How come you’re stressing out so much over something that didn’t even happen?” Vinyl countered casually. “Hay, how come you’re stressing out over something that you only thought would happen?”   “Because I’m concerned about you! How come you’re not stressing out more?!” Octavia asked a little too loudly.   “Because I want to stay calm for you,” said Vinyl simply. Octavia’s breath caught. “I hate seeing you stressing out and reacting like this. I want to try and get you to calm down and get through all of this with me like the intelligent pony I know you are.”   Octavia hesitated, then moved closer to Vinyl, placing a hoof gently on the unicorn’s cheek. “Vinyl, I-”   “Just one question,” interrupted Vinyl softly.   “What is it?” asked Octavia.   “Last time we were in here, we were attacked by assassins. Why did you bring us here if you wanted us to be safe?”   A moment later, there was a loud cracking noise. Octavia had had her back to the window while she faced Vinyl, but as she dimly registered the noise, she turned around to face it, since it was where the noise had originated from. As Octavia turned, she noticed that her right back leg had gone numb. That’s…odd, she thought dimly.   Next to her, Octavia was vaguely aware of Vinyl moving about and…shouting? But if she was shouting, why did her voice sound like it was so far away? Remembering that she had been looking for the source of the noise, Octavia forced herself to focus, and found it – the window, the one which took up nearly half of a wall, had a few panes shattered. Had they been the source of the cracking noise? But how had they been broken?   A moment later, there was that same cracking noise again as the windows shattered, somewhat answering Octavia’s question. But what had broken them? And what did it have to do with the fact that Octavia felt as though somepony had just punched her heavily in the chest? And why was her blood starting to seep out from her body where it felt like she had been punched? Blood wasn’t supposed to do that; it was supposed to carry around oxygen and chemicals and do all those other things that you never listened to in school.   “Octavia? Octavia?! Are you listening to me?!” shouted Vinyl.  She leapt off the bed, grabbed Octavia, and dragged her out from the window’s line-of-sight. In her back leg and chest, she had two small crossbow bolts embedded, apparently shot through the window.   “The window broke, Vinyl,” muttered Octavia hazily. “That’s where the noise came from.”   “Yeah, I know, babe,” said Vinyl, starting to panic. Biting her lip, she edged her head out, looking for the pony who had shot Octavia. Her and Octavia’s bedroom was a few storeys up, overlooking a courtyard. Glancing into the courtyard, Vinyl immediately spotted the sniper – a pony in a cloak who was loading some sort of magically-summoned crossbow to shoot through the window again.   “…That’s a terrible position to be shooting from,” said Vinyl to herself, frowning. “And what’s with the dark cloak? Stereotypical much?” A moment later, she ducked out of sight as another bolt fired towards the window, missing her by millimetres.   Turning back to Octavia, Vinyl was startled to find her marefriend already standing up, albeit looking shaky.  “Octavia? Get down, we need to get those bolts out of you, bandage you up, and-”   “I’m not that bad,” said Octavia, “I was just in shock for the first few seconds. I think that some adrenaline’s kicked in, so –”   “Still! We need to get you to a healer, take the bolts out and –”   Octavia smiled. “Heh. You know that these bolts are plugging their wounds right now, yes? They’ve ripped through some muscle, but –”   “How the hay do you know all of that?” Vinyl interrupted, surprised.   “One semester of medical biology in university as an elective,” said Octavia. “Also, it’s somewhat logical.”   “I just realised that I’ve never found out what you studied in university-” said Vinyl.   “Oh, well it was Advanced-”   “-but that’s not what’s important right now,” continued Vinyl. “We need to get you to a healer – I can quickly get some guards out there to take care of the sniper, and –”   “What, you’re not going to take care of him yourself?” Octavia asked, sticking her tongue out at Vinyl. A moment later, she winced in apparent pain.   “…What are you saying?” asked Vinyl, confused. “You…want me to go get the sniper? But you’ve been hurt, and –”   “You think that I cannot make it to a healer on my own?” asked Octavia, smirking. “I’m not that helpless, Vinyl.”   “But wouldn’t you rather I stay with you, in case you –”   “What I want is for these damn assassination attempts to be over with, so get out there and stop von Doom!” exclaimed Octavia.   “…You mean Minister Peace,” said Vinyl, deadpan. “There’s no way that von Doom could have gotten to the courtyard from the dining hall that fast.”   “Oh, whatever!” said Octavia, grinning. She went to lightly punch Vinyl, but instead found herself wincing in pain and putting her hoof back down as her chest immediately flared up with pain. “Um, okay, I definitely do need a medic. You go stop the sniper, I’ll go get some medical attention, and we’ll meet afterwards?”   “Sounds like a plan,” said Vinyl, kissing Octavia lightly on the cheek. “Grab some wine on the way, alright?”   “You are a very silly pony, Vinyl,” said Octavia, exiting the room as fast as she could manage.   “I’d have to be to love someone like you, Octavia,” muttered Vinyl, smiling to herself. She approached the window and briefly glanced out it. As before, the sniper was still in the courtyard, aiming at the window. “Now, how to get down there?” Vinyl asked herself, looking around the bedroom for inspiration. ===============================   Down in the courtyard, the sniper kept an eye on the window. Their target – the queen – hadn’t appeared for several minutes, and the sniper was wondering whether it was worth heading back inside the castle and attempting a more subtle assassination attempt. I am fairly confident that mine queen hast not seen mine face, thought the sniper, so this might be the more prudent plan.   As the sniper began to cast the spell that would magically dispel their summoned crossbow, they suddenly noticed movement in the window up above. Quickly cancelling the spell, they focused their aim on the window, ready to shoot a bolt the moment that the queen or her hoofmaiden reappeared. This crossbow had a spell carved into its wood which would subtly affect the bolts’ paths, moving them closer to their targets as they flew. It wasn’t perfect, but it did mean that the sniper could afford to blindly fire from a position like the courtyard and be fairly confident that they would hit their target.   There was further movement, and then something…rectangular…appeared. The sniper squinted, trying to make out the shape. “A…bed?” they muttered.   “Epic bed maneuver!” exclaimed Vinyl, jumping from the room onto the bed’s mattress, half of which was leaning precariously outside the window. Falling outside with her weight and momentum added to it, it accelerated downwards several storeys before hitting the group. It immediately broke, sending Vinyl flying forwards across the grass. She managed to land on her legs, but it was quite heavily, and she collapsed to the ground. “That…didn’t go as well as I hoped it would,” she groaned.   The sniper calmly walked over to Vinyl and aimed the crossbow at her head. “Any final words, mine queen?” the sniper spat.   “Oh, hell yeah!” said Vinyl, shakily getting to her hooves. “I totally called that you were the sniper and behind the assassination attempts, Minister Peace!”   Minister Peace looked slightly confused for a moment, before reasserting herself. Although Vinyl had full view of her face from her position, Peace nevertheless pulled her dark cloak around herself tighter. “I suppose that those dying words wouldst be as good as any,” she said. “With thine death, I will reclaim the political power that I lost when thou arrived in this time, and I-”   “Hang on a second, how do you know that Octavia and I are from a different time?” asked Vinyl. Her legs were sore and damaged, but by straining herself she was able to keep herself upright. “And what do you mean, ‘reclaim political power’?”   “Thou and thine hoofmaiden have made little attempt at hiding thine differing speech patterns, nor thine relationship,” sneered Peace. “To a pony such as I, such things are unthinkable, and thus thou must be from an alternate dimension.”   “Do you mean dimension, or timeline?” asked Vinyl, frowning. “Because a little while back I was saying that dimensions are-”   “And how canst thou not know of thine usurping of mine throne?” interrupted Peace. “I was the queen before thou arrived here, at which point I had the position taken from me. Didst thou not pay attention? Do thou not recall that I became a minister as a downgrade from mine previous position?”   “Er….maybe I wasn’t paying much attention during the first day or two when we arrived here?” said Vinyl awkwardly. “So what, your big plan is to shoot me and Octavia, then you automatically get the throne back? Seems to me your plan has a few flaws.”   “No doubt I will have to do some political manipulations in order to restore mineself to mine previous position,” said Minister Peace, “and I will have to find an alibi, but those problems should be easy enough to solve.”   “Umm… I was kinda talking about the other flaw. The big one,” said Vinyl. Minister Peace raised an eyebrow. “I’m still alive, you idiot.”   Her innate unicorn magic activating, Vinyl surrounded Minister Peace’s crossbow with a magical aura and twisted it ninety degrees sideways. At the same time, Peace had gone to fire the crossbow, resulting in her shooting herself with a bolt to the shoulder.    “Argh!” she cried out. In her pain, she lost focus and dropped the magical aura she had been using to hold the crossbow up, causing it to drop to the ground. Exploiting this opportunity, Vinyl took a swift step forwards and punched Peace to the ground.   “That’s COBRA training for you, bitch,” she said, grinning. “Also, ouch,” she added, rubbing one hoof over the one she had punched Minister Peace with.   ===============================   “Octavia!” called out Vinyl. She was back in the castle after some guards had taken away Minister Peace, and had just spotted Octavia, with some bandages wrapped around her, whilst looking for her. “Hey, Octavia!”   “Vinyl!” said Octavia, who had been heading in Vinyl’s direction. On account of their injuries, she couldn’t run to Vinyl, nor could Vinyl run to her, but nevertheless both ponies hobbled swiftly towards each other. “Good to see that you’re okay!”   “What, you thought a fall out of a third-storey window would stop me?” asked Vinyl, grinning.   “…Fall?” asked Octavia, confused.   “Um…never mind,” said Vinyl awkwardly. “Anyway, you’ll never guess what I found out! The minister behind the assassination attempts was –”   “Minister von Doom! I know!” said Octavia excitedly.   “What?” asked Vinyl, confused.   “I was heading to somepony who could help heal me, when Minister von Doom stepped out of a side door and attempted one of his trademark obviously telegraphed assassination attempts,” explained Octavia. “It was all very elaborate…some sort of swinging log trap. I don’t know why he thought that it would stop me. Anyway, I was able to avoid death by very cleverly stepping to the side, and then after a brief skirmish, I was able to overpower him and get him to confess being behind the assassination attempts!” Octavia smiled, looking quite pleased with herself. “I take it that the sniper was associated with the assassins who attacked us earlier?”   “…Not exactly,” said Vinyl. “It was Minister Peace, who told me that she was behind the assassination attempts. Or close enough to admitting it.”   “But if they both admitted it, then – ” Octavia hesitated, thinking it through. “Does this mean that we missed something? That somepony else was behind these two, manipulating them like –”   “I think I can explain everything,” interrupted a new voice. Vinyl and Octavia turned to face it.   “Random guard!” exclaimed Vinyl happily. “What are you doing here?”   “I’m inexplicably here to explain everything that’s happened at the last second,” said the guard. “We’ve finished interrogating the assassins who attacked you in thine bedroom, your majesty.”   “And?” asked Vinyl.   “They were hired by both Minister von Doom, whom thine hoofmaiden has helpfully already asked us to lock up in the dungeon, and Minister Peace,” explained the guard. “From what we learned, the plan was to murder the two of you, allowing Peace to return to her former position as our queen. From there, she would have the political power she craved returned.”   “Sounds like von Doom wasn’t that involved though, right?” asked Vinyl, shooting a side glance at Octavia. “It was mostly Minister Peace?”   “It appears that he was behind the funding of the assassins, and responsible for at least several of the assassination attempts on her majesty,” said the guard. “Apparently, once Minister Peace was in power, she was to subtly assist Minister von Doom in getting corpses and other…things…for his experimentation.”   “Crap, and I thought that he was past his necromancy stage in life,” said Vinyl, shaking her head in disappointment. To her side, Octavia was rolling her eyes. “But anyway, you managed to get that all from a few assassins? Damn, they’re terrible at their jobs.”   “Regardless, it seems that for now, thou and thine hoofmaiden are in no immediate danger,” said the guard.   “Even if we’re in no danger, I’m glad we now know all of that,” said Octavia, pleased.   “Yeah, it’s just like they’re always telling us at COBRA – ‘Knowing is half the battle,’” agreed Vinyl.   “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone at COBRA say that,” said Octavia, frowning. “Isn’t it that other group that says that?”   “Is it? Oh, whatever.” Frowning as she thought it over, Vinyl added, “That whole debacle was nowhere near as political as I was promised. But on the other hoof, I guess you could say that the assassins are…all washed up!” said Vinyl, switching to a grin. A few moments passed, during which Octavia and the guard looked at each other in confusion.   “Vinyl, I’ve told you before…you can’t just make a terrible joke and expect everything to fade to black like in the movies,” said Octavia. “And what the hay sort of pun was that supposed to be? There wasn’t any water or, or…you know what I mean!”   “Some day it’ll work!” exclaimed Vinyl. “Some day, I’ll say something dramatic and the…scene?...will end! Just you wait!”   Octavia rolled her eyes. “Honestly, if it was up to me, I’d end the ‘scene’ after a much less dramatic or humorous line, just to be different.”