//------------------------------// // Chapter 26: Star Wars reference incoming! // Story: The Hacker Pwny // by Chetzi //------------------------------// August 10--very early morning "Redfox here, checking in with 1337 hax0r nerd. Do you copy?" Bentley said into his mic, talking to me. I growled at him, "I fucking hate you. We don't need codenames, and I never agreed to be called that. Now, just set the alarm triggers up." I sat at my computer, having four monitors on. One showed a video camera on Bentley, another a video camera on Cortez, and the last being Jessica. The fourth monitor had various black and green terminals with code flashing down it. Twilight was still here, organizing my books, that she had already read. Yes, I had real paper books. More for comfort then actual stories. To remind me that I'm still alive, that not everything is the logical and emotionless digital world. Order was never something I cared about, but Twilight has gone through about three systems now. First, it was by author name, then story title, then the Dewey decimal system. She was still placing them on a small wooden bookshelf that held a few other knickknacks. I usually just think of it as wasted space, but I have plenty of space, and it gives it a more lively touch to my room, even though I probably haven't touched the light switch in years, and the blinds are always closed. I shook my head, returning to the mission. Cortez crawled through air ducts, following a path I set for her that would bring her right to the central intelligence room. It wouldn't be that big of a risk, with all of our skills, and my ingenious planning. I checked up on Jessica, who was rewiring motion detectors and cameras to give me a bigger video feed. Everything was going according to plan. Which means, according to all other missions, that there should be an unexpected problem, in about... now. I my eyes scanned all network signals and cameras, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. I told my team, "Hold on, there should be something wrong right about now. The building appears to be empty, but still, keep a lookout for anything that moves." I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I slowly swiveled my chair to the left. Twilight stood next to me, and asked, "Why is it that your species has advanced so quickly?" "We don't have magic. We're a species based upon science and technology, and a very long history. Now, I'd love to talk more with you, but I'm slightly busy. Here," I said as I handed her a nearby kindle, "take this, and read a few books." She slowly took the device from my hands, looking at it in extreme confusion. She asked, "How do I read this?" "You're smart, figure it out." I turned back to my computer." It was way past midnight, and I haven't slept yet, but I rarely sleep as it is, being proven by my pale skin. Man, did my life change since I went to Equestria. I almost wonder, what if I never got chosen by Luna? What if I decided not to leave Ponyville? Questions, pointless questions, I didn't care. Cortez dropped down a vent, right into an abandoned secret room with a large mainframe stuck into the wall. Oh god, a mainframe. Those are so fucking old, I mean, seriously, who the fuck still uses a fucking mainframe? Okay, I should stop ranting now. Cortez said, "I'm in." I said, "Cool story, bro. This isn't a movie, you don't need to go all James Bond on us. Just open the network communications." She pressed a few buttons, and I received a signal from the device. My hands flew across my pulsing blue keyboard as I stole data from the machine. Bentley radioed in, "This has got to be the most boring mission ever. A haven't heard a single gunshot, there's no nuke going off, I mean, come on! Can something at least happen!" Just then, I saw a rather large group of heavily armed shock troopers stormed into the building. I said back to Bentley, "You just had to open that mouth of yours, didn't you? Well, there is now a group of about thirty tangos, all with full body armor and shotguns, and they look like they're going for you. Now, I have the data, get your asses out of there." They all nodded, and they quickly charged out through the hallways. Bentley caught up and joined Cortez in running down the halls, away from the troopers. Jessica soon joined them, but another group of shock troopers appear on the other side of the building. The dark halls blurred as they ran. Think, think, think! Got it! I quickly pressed a few buttons and intercepted their communications. I waited for the person giving orders to say a few things, then made those recorded voice samples into a voice modifier so I sounded like him. Then I cut him off, and told the squad, "Stop, the intruders have left via the north wall." One of them said, "Roger, moving to north side." Both groups raced around to the north wall, making it easy for my team to escape with the data. They quickly found themselves outside in the thundering rain. Jessica flipped a black trap over, revealing a small stealth car. A bolt of lighting lashed out in the rain, illuminating them for a split second. They all piled in the car quickly, and Jessica drove off. Most likely at three hundred and twenty seven percent of the speed limit. The base they were at was a temporary intelligence base. The state government used it sometimes when their main base was deemed too unsafe. It was only about a thirty minute drive from my house to it, at the rate Jessica was driving at, anyway. They appeared to have nobody following them. I wonder what exactly is in the data I stole, it had something to do with the Equestria invasion. I heard a loud crashing sound behind me, my chair swiveled around. Twilight stood there, a look of rage in her eyes, and a now-destroyed kindle laid in ruins on the floor. I asked, "What the hell! Those things aren't cheap, ya know?" Okay, to be fair, I didn't pay for it, nor the books. I just hijacked shipping addresses and stole source code. Twilight said, in an angry tone of voice, "Curse these new books, they won't show me words!" "Go lay down or something, you could use rest." "But there is so much studying to be done! I can't just sleep!" It appears she has insomnia out of pure curiosity. Almost like me, I guess. I picked up an Ipad, brought up the web browser app, then turned it to a website that says what the future of science will be. "Take this, don't break it, just read it, then use your finger on the picture to make it move." She snatched it out of my hands, her eyes getting lost on the device. I turned back to my computer, everything was good. They should get here in about twenty or so minutes. I guess I have some time to kill. I turned to Twilight, who was lying quite comfortably on my bed. The yoga pants she wore matched her long hair nicely, and her tank-top looked like something she would wear. She was fairly petite and skinny, probably even weaker than me. I have to wonder, what if I fell in love with Twilight instead? I like her determination to learn, it matches mine. The only real difference between us, would be my emotional shell and lack of social skills. Or not, I remember that she used to be a shut-in, not wanting to have friends or go outside. Meh, I'm not sure that dating myself in rule 63 would work out. I shook my head, catching myself staring at Twilight. She was trapped in the tech she was reading about. I put my hand on the Ipad and lowered it, then asked, "So, Twilight, what did you think of me when we first met?" She looked up at me, her purple eyes shining in the darkness. "Oh, you seemed normal. Except when you freaked out. Then you went all pissed off and attacked me. That was fun." "Right, I would say I'm sorry, but you did hold me captive and forced a towel into my mouth."l "Celestia's orders. And you were panicking, I was trying to keep you from hurting yourself and other ponies." "So then what about the next time I saw you, you just acted like nothing happened." "To be honest, I was planing on going out and catching you by force then dragging you back to my house to be tied to a wall. But, Fluttershy was with you, and because you managed to get Fluttershy as I friend so quickly, I thought you were actually a nice and decent pony." She placed the Ipad next to her on the bed, paying complete attention to our conversation. "And what about when Pinkie Pie dragged me to that party? You were there, and you didn't stop her." "Why should I? There's no law against that, and Pinkie wanted to do that. Plus, it was fun watching you get all red, freakin out to get out of the ropes." No law? I guess I really didn't have rights. "Then what about when I came back after the party?" "You were, dazed, I guess. Pretty funny watching you wobble and mix up words." Strange, I don't remember it being like that. Thinking back on it, it was slightly blurred. "What about when I started to build that machine?" "I found that, it looked alien. I decided not to to touch it, mostly because you rarely left that room." "I've noticed that you've adapted quickly to this world. Already able to use tech, though simple, it require fingers. Do you still have a cutiemark?" Her eyes widened slightly, like she just remembered something. She then pulled down her elastic pants down low enough to look at the side of her slender pelvis. I saw a quick glimpse, and noticed her cutiemark was still there. She nodded to my question. "Yeah, still there." "Is there evolution on your planet?" "No, everything's just been there. Nothing's ever changed, the current and most accepted theory is that a large explosion of magic formed Equestria, and spawned us. We call it The Big Sparkle theory." "You're a good friend, we should spend a few study sessions together." "I'd like that, you're a very smart pony." Wait, only very smart? And in that tone of voice? I think she's challenging me. "Despite how bad my social skills are, even I could have picked up on that. Let's see who's better." Over the next ten minutes, Twilight and I exchanged mental blows via logical questions and paradoxes. It was fun to mentally spar with her. The started to rise over the horizon when my team returned. I was still talking to Twilight, "This statement is false." Twilight said, "If you change it to, 'This statement isn't true', then it means the same thing, but it's now neutral instead of answerless." "Not bad, not bad. Your turn." "Does a set of all sets contain itself?" "Yes, it would be an infinite loop of sets." I heard Cortez enter my room. I turned to her, she had had flash drive in her hand. She tossed it to me, I stumbled and flailed my arms around, and I managed to catch it. I stuck it into my computer, watching the documents appear on screen. My moniter flooded with words and command terminals, telling me many things about the Equestrian invasion. I turned back to Cortez and Twilight, and told them, "You two can leave, it will take some time for me to decode these and form a plan." Twilight picked up the Ipad and started reading it again as she said, "I'm good, I'll stay." Cortez just left without saying another word. I said, "Okay then." I swiveled back to my monitors, clicking through a few documents. It appears to be a single-word encryption, common on military documents. Lemme just run a decoding program. It doesn't actually decode them, it just creates new data that matches the real document closely by using logic. So it won't be one hundred percent accurate, but it will be much faster and pretty close. I started running the program on all the documents, then I looked over the maps there. These weren't even encoded. It appears to be a map of... Canterlot!? What! How did they do that so quickly? They must be working quickly, but I'm faster. The map showed where they would strike, with what, and when. Along with a few notes and comments about backup plans and variations on standard military procedure. And based on the type of encryption, I would say that they wanted nobody outside the military to see this. These plans are incredibly under thought out, and generic. They really wanted to minimize plans, and focus on attack. I leaned back into my chair, putting my left index finger on my forehead. Think, think, think, there has to be some plan. Twilight tapped on my shoulder and said, "I've been wondering, why attack us? What does the human race have to gain from doing this? And why now? When the princesses are at war?" Wait... princesses... THAT'S IT! I quickly exclaimed, "Thanks for the idea." I then races my fingers across my keyboard, viewing dozens of maps and plans. I had forgotten, Equestria is at war. They both have an army, both sides have training, both sides have weapons. If I could unite them, it just might able to push the humans back. I turned left, to the other part of my corner desk, and presses a black button on it. A hologram came up, revealing a 3D model of Canterlot. I went back to my regular monitors, and dragged over battle tactics and troop numbers to the hologram with my mouse. Then I abandoned my mouse, and started pushing my finger around the hologram. It reacted like it should, I dragged and moved troops to where they would attack. It worked like the holograms in the Ironman movies. How convenient that I installed this a short while ago. I cross-referenced possible attacks, and ran a few simulators. Without my help, the ponies had one hundred percent chance of extinction every with every plan. Even then with my help, the current hances are only about three percent. There's no way I'm risking that, how can I win this? Think... think... when in doubt, ask someone else. I turned to Twilight, who was staring at the hologram I was messing with, completely amazed by it. I asked, "Are there any other races that are intelligent in Equestria?" "There are dragons and griffins and sea monsters and-" "Which one would help ponies from getting killed?" "None." Then I guess I'll have to convince them to help the ponies for other reasons. Which will take more time. Time I don't have. I closed the maps with a swipe of my hands, and brought up profiles of griffins. They're deadly, fierce, and always ready for a fight. Their personality is unknown, for the most part. I looked at the history, and found something that could be useful. Apparently, griffins and ponies once teamed up, to fight off the first Nightmare Moon. So, they will help if their home is being taken, I could use that. I added the griffin army to the simulator, and the chances of winning grew to twenty percent. I'm not risking that. I checked into dragons, all I would have to do is give them gems. Shouldn't be too hard. I threw them into the simulators, and the death toll rose to near genocidal numbers. But the chance of winning turned into fifty percent. I sighed, it was the best I could do. There were no other races that would join them, that's all I had. Actually, you know what? Fuck that. Never tell me the odds, I've been through worse. I closed all windows, then I brought up a list. Here's what I wrote: 1. Reunite Celestia and Luna. 2. Get them agree that they need to fight the humans 3. Convince griffins to join. 4. Convince dragons to join. 5. Have a war. 6. Get laid from Vinyl as a victory reward. 7. ???? 8. Profit. 9. Finish this list. 10. Delete this list, in hopes of forgetting this whole thing ever happened. I told Twilight, "Let's save Equestria and kick some ass, the human kind."