//------------------------------// // Deer Are Jerks // Story: The Equestrian Edda // by Grey Ghost //------------------------------// "This is nice," Jason commented, lounging around in one of the dens. The hatchlings were cuddled up with him, the four of them listening to music. He gently stroked Sif's head, the hatchling chittering at him softly. Like Chrysalis had said, their chitin was soft and squishy, with her being a slightly lower temperature than her siblings. The current song ended and Eminem came on. The hatchlings each held a look of displeasure before Heimdal hissed, voicing their collective displeasure. "Okay, okay, relax, I'm changing it," Jason assured, reaching over and skipping to the next song, which was Elvis. They chittered in approval, relaxing again. "You guys are going to be fun as teenagers..." They laid there for a good while longer until Chrysalis poked her head in. "Having fun?" she asked, trotting over to them. The hatchlings chittered excitedly at the sight of their mother, causing the Empress to smile. "Of course we are. I'm an awesome, fun dad," Jason said playfully, and a smile graced her face in response. "Of course you are, dear," she said with a chuckle. She charged her horn up with love energy, lowering her head. The hatchlings quickly touched her horns to hers, absorbing it greedily. "You're feeding them next." "Yeah, yeah," he said, watching with a smile. The hatchlings were too young to draw in love by themselves, which meant adult changelings had to feed them. Jason had done it a few times and it still felt weird. "So where's Rares?" "Off making clothes for the young ones, not sure why, but whatever keeps her happy." "Good," Jason said, simply happy the two weren't yelling at each other anymore. Ever since Rarity had started to get hormonal, she and Chrysalis had been at each others throats. Chrysalis opened her mouth to speak, only to stop and look toward the window. Her horn flared and she threw up a shield just as a bunch of vines burst the window open, showering them with glass. The young ones chittered in fear, clinging to Jason as best they could. "The hell was that?!" Jason demanded, doing his best to calm the children. "The forest is attacking the town," she answered, levitating the hatchlings onto her back. "Why does that not surprise me?" he asked, pulling out his sword. He proceeded to cut at the intruding vines, which just kept growing. "That's not going to help." Chrysalis commented, tending to her young. "You got any better ideas?" he asked, still chopping away at the vines. He thought about using Heatblast, but he decided it wasn't worth burning the forest down. "I don't know, just fix it!" she hissed. "This is probably Discord's fault again!" She fired a spell at a vine before backing out of the room. "You got it, boss lady." Jason said with a sigh, shaking his head. "The things I do for love..." "Thank you for seeing me uh... Princess," Gilda said, adjusting her wings nervously. Being queen was something she was still getting used to, though she was thankful her regalia didn't involve a dress. "It's no trouble, Your Majesty." Celestia smiled, leading the griffon to her private tea room. "You really don't have to call me that..." Gilda protested, unable to hide her embarrassment. "It is only proper," Celestia replied as she stepped into the room. "I ask that you have your guard remain outside, so we may talk freely." "You guys wait out here..." Gilda instructed, watching as her guards saluted, taking up positions on either side of the door, next to the already present pony guards. "So uh... I have no idea what we're doing..." Gilda said, shutting the door behind her. "Please, come sit," Celestia instructed with a smile, gesturing to the seat across from her, already pouring out the tea. Gilda walked over, taking the chance to look around. The room was rather simple, rather surprising considering the rest of the castle. There was a rather beautiful view out the windows, giving a wonderful look down at the city below. "I do hope you enjoy this brew, it’s zebrican red tea, recommended by Gilgamesh. I can see why he likes it." She smiled, taking a sip from her tea. "Smells good," Gilda added before taking a sip from her own cup, giving a trill of pleasure. "This is good!" Celestia couldn't help but smile. "Now, I believe we are here to establish diplomatic relations between Equestria and your nation's newly installed government." Gilda let out a barking laugh. "Yeah, no offense Princess, but we need a lot more than 'diplomatic relations.'" Gilda said, giving quotation marks with her talons. "Indeed, according to the report Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Jason gave, Griffonstone is in dire need of aid," Celestia said with a nod, "Which I have no problem lending." "Really?" Gilda asked, tilting her head to the side. "You'd help us that easily?" "In the name of friendship, I would," Celestia nodded. "I have discussed the situation with Luna, Cadance, Twilight, and Jason, and we have a proposal. If you allow it, we would like to offer Griffonstone protectorate status." "I uh... have no idea what that is..." Gilda admitted sheepishly, trying to hide her embarrassment with her cup. "Griffonstone would become much like the Crystal Empire is to Equestria. Your nation would become an autonomous territory of Equestria protected both diplomatically and militarily and in return, we shall exchange craftsmen and artisans as well as military personnel." "You know, those griffons are gonna wanna get paid for all that," Gilda pointed out, her beak contorted into a frown. "Like, paid a lot..." Gilda had indeed, well hopefully, had found a way to change the griffons’ attitude for the better, but that was still a long ways off. "Don't worry about that," Celestia said, giving a dismissive hoof wave. "The Crown will pay for everything, that is if you accept the offer." Gilda stared down into her cup, her eyes lingering on her reflection. With a deep breath, she steeled herself, looking into Celestia's eyes. "Griffonstone accepts your proposal, Princess." Celestia couldn't help but smile. "Wonderful." She poured them both some more tea. "Now, let's work out the details." "I hate this forest so damn much," Lightning Dust commented, bursting through a bundle of frozen vines. "There's always something with this stupid place!" "Complaining isn't going to help," Maud responded, beating back an oversized venus flytrap, "This is why I prefer rocks..." She blinked, kicking another fly trap in the face before it was frozen solid by Jason, in the form of Articguana. "Point is," he started up, freezing a few more plants, "We have to find this King Ass and tell him to call off his damn plants!" Before he and his little band had decided to prance into the forest, he had sent a letter to Celestia about the situation and she had told him to handle it himself and that he should speak to King Aspen, who lived deep in the Everfree. "His name is King Aspen," Maud corrected, following in his path of wintery destruction. "Yeah, yeah, whatever..." Jason snorted, rolling his eyes. He froze another wall of vines, which Lightning shattered easily. They continued for several more minutes before several armored deer sprung out of the bushes, surrounding them. "Halt! You are trespassing in the territory of the deer! Turn back immediately!" the leader, a tall buck with red armor, shouted, glaring at the trio. "Look, I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here but I need to see your King about the forest attacking my town. I was having a nice time with my kids before this crap started, and I would like to get back to it." "You have brought the destruction down on yourself," the deer sneered. "You dared to intrude on the great forest and our territory. We are merely reclaiming what is ours!" "Oh shut up," Jason growled, shifting back to normal. "Now just take me to see your King before we have problems." He drew his sword, glaring right back. "King Aspen does not wish t-" "Either he sees me or I plunge the forest into winter," Jason snapped. His eyes began glowing, the wind kicked up and frost started to cover the area, much to the deer's horror. "Fine, we will take you to him," the leader snorted, glaring heavily. "Follow us," he ordered, turning away from them. "Hurry up, creature!" "My name is Jason, asshole!" he shouted after him, putting his sword away. "Come on, let's get going," he ordered, moving after the buck, muttering some rather unflattering things about said deer and his manhood. They trudged on for several more hours until they reached the outer walls of a city, guarded by a number of armored deer. "You are lucky, very few outsiders get to see Thicket," the leader of the deer said. The doors opened and a regal looking white deer stepped out of the city, looking at the small group with disdain. "Why have you come here?" he asked, sizing Jason up. "I am Jason Hughes, prince of Equestria. I am here because you have attacked my village." Jason stepped forward, close enough for the Omnitrix to get a scan. "What trickery is this?!" King Aspen demanded, jumping away, causing the deer and Jason's companions to jump into battle stances. "Look! Just call off your damn vines!" Jason shouted, snarling at Aspen. "And don't give me any of that 'it’s our forest' crap! As I recall, this forest is in Equestrian territory, so no, you get the hell out of my forest!" "We have lived here peacefully for generations! We will not leave to feed your need for destruction!" Aspen shouted back, getting into Jason's face. "We're building a town! Not an amusement park, you idiot!" Jason screamed, his eyes flashing red as he clenched his fists. "Why not just teach us how to make our town like yours?" Maud cut in, causing both males to stop and look at her. "That... works for me," Jason said, nodding his head. " Maybe we can do that?" he asked, letting his anger bleed out. "If you swear to stop damaging the forest, then we will teach you how to live with the forest," Aspen concurred, regaining his composure. "I apologize for any damage we inflicted on your town," he added, holding his hoof out. Jason smiled, taking the proffered hoof and giving it a shake. "I accept your terms," Jason said, nodding. "Speak to Maud here about setting everything up. I need to go make sure my wives aren't killing each other... Come on Lightning. Maud, I leave everything in your hands. Hooves. Whatever. I'll also be sending Zecora later to help." "Safe travels," Aspen called, watching them go. "Now Maud, let us begin," he said, leading the seemingly bored pony into his city, hoping this plan would work. "I take it I missed some stuff?" Jason asked, popping back into the den, only to find a few scorch marks on the floor. "Yes, Heimdal had the hiccups and started to spit fireballs," Chrysalis replied. Part of her mane was singed, and still smoking a little. "I assume that's not normal?" he asked, taking a seat and watching the hatchlings play. "No Jason, that's not normal, but they're not exactly normal are they?" she asked, watching as Freya, with a look of concentration, pulled herself to her hooves. She locked her gaze on the two of them, toddling over. "No, they are not normal," Jason agrees, scooping Freya into his arms. "How is she walking already? Humans... and Jotun... I think, don't walk anywhere near this early." "Larva and foals can usually walk within the first month," Chrysalis explained, smiling as Freya grabbed at Jason's nose. A sudden sneeze caught their attention and they turned to see Sif freeze her brother solid, only for the ice to melt almost instantly, heat waves radiating from Heimdal's body. A big grin wormed its way across Chrysalis's face. "I was ssssooo right in courting you." "Gee, now I know how a piece of meat feels," Jason joked, unable to hide his own growing smirk.