The alkali flats were brutal, but Tarnish managed. He trotted at a good pace, his hooves cracking the hardpan as he moved along. If he stood in place to rest, he felt himself sink down and his frogs would start to burn. The wind offered no relief. It was searing and full of alkali dust.
The desert around Dodge City Junction was a horrible place, but ponies came here anyway. There was gold, silver, copper, borax, salt, gemstones of all kinds, there was a lot of wealth in the ground just waiting for somepony to dig it out.
Tarnished Teapot passed yet another wooden marker with red paint. The trip to get out this way had been uneventful, which Tarnish attributed to his stink. As he walked, Tarnish thought about life out here in the badlands. Mining might get you rich, if you got lucky, but the real money was found in other places. Like selling stuff to miners, or delivering stuff to miners.
Another marker went by and Tarnish grinned. He was hot, he was miserable, but he would survive. He thought about taking a drink, he was feeling thirsty, but conserving his water was important. In the distance, he could see hills and large rocks protruded from the ground.
The salt mine seemed deserted. Tarnish poked around, not finding anypony. Here in the hills, it was a little cooler and there was shade. Tarnish found the mineshaft, a gaping hole that went straight down, and there was a steam powered lift. There were cabins with no windows.
He went and knocked upon the door, then waited.
When there was no reply, he knocked again. After a moment, he heard a sleepy sounding “Hold on!” followed by a thump and a bump. After a few more moments, the door opened.
“We all sleep during the day,” a unicorn said, looking and sounding sleepy. “Too hot to work… too dangerous. You here with the package?”
“Yes sir,” Tarnish said. “It is in my saddlebag, the left one. Just open it up and pull it out. It’s under my coat.”
Nodding, the unicorn lifted Tarnish’s coat, opened the saddlebag, and pulled out the small box wrapped up in brown paper with his telekinesis. He looked at Tarnish. “Hoof medication. Real expensive stuff. Only have enough money to buy it in small amounts. Keeps our hooves from dissolving. You’re a life saver.” The unicorn offered Tarnish a sleepy smile. “We have fresh water out here, from a deep underground well. Smells like eggs, but it tastes sweet. If you need to refill your canteen, you can.”
“Thank you,” Tarnish replied. Lifting his head, Tarnish realised that the miner couldn’t smell him. Come to think of it, Tarnish couldn’t smell anything either. “You say the water smells like eggs?”
“This whole place, these rocky hills, are filled with sulphurous hot water springs. The water is really salty up here, because of the alkali dust, but the water brought up from the deep well is safe to drink. You get used to the stench after a while.”
“I don’t smell anything,” Tarnish said.
“I stopped smelling stuff years ago,” the miner unicorn replied.
“Huh.” Tarnish looked at the miner and felt a nagging sense of worry. Tarnish wondered what to do if he ran into something with no sense of smell. At least he still had his magic, as unpredictable as it might be. “Thank you for letting me refill my water. I think I’ll do that and then I got to be going.”
“You’re a lifesaver,” the unicorn replied, smiling at Tarnish.
Tarnish heaved a sigh of relief as he left the alkali flats behind him. The trip back felt even hotter than the trip there, and his hooves were tingling in the most alarming way one could imagine.
The underside of his duster was soaked with sweat, which evaporated and created a layer of cooler air next to his skin. He had once more soaked his pith helmet when he was at the salt mine. He was still hot, but Tarnish knew that he could be a whole lot hotter.
All he had to do now was make it back to town and claim his bits.
Seventy five bits. Tarnish didn’t quite know what to do with himself. He stood on the street just outside of the dispatch office, standing under the shade of a sloping roof, looking around and trying to think about what to do next.
A bath might be in order. There was a bathhouse up the road. He had been warned about the place, saying that it was disreputable, but that a bath could be had there. He wasn’t certain what Buff Gaskin had been going on about.
As Tarnish stood looking about, his stomach gurgled. Dinner might be nice. Maybe even a good dinner. He could afford it. The more he thought about it, a nice night might be just what he needed. A good bath, a nice dinner, and maybe, just maybe, he might take in a show. There were several places where mares danced for money.
That might be nice.
Back in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie had once shown him a picture of herself when she had done a song and dance number while wearing a very fancy dress and fishnet stockings. Pinkie Pie had also told him the dirtiest joke that he had ever heard after showing him the picture.
It involved a horny stallion rutting a knothole in a tree and not checking for bees first. The stallion had been stung in places were stallions should never be stung by bees. Seeking relief, the stallion had soaked himself in a bowl of oatmeal, to reduce the itching, the burning, and the swelling. After being told a series of unfortunate events, a mare ate the bowl of oatmeal and Pinkie Pie had finished the joke with, “And then I said, ‘oatmeal? Are you crazy?’”
The joke was horrifying, crass, and funny.
Sighing, Tarnished Teapot missed Pinkie Pie.