'One day the streets with alight
From a ruler so handsome and wise
Rumoured to be from the night
He'll come back and he will rise'
"Welcome to Tartarus. I've been waiting for this moment, for a long time.
"I hope I can finally make you happy."
"No. Don't do this. Please don't. No. No! NOOOO!"
Nightmare Moon
"I want to die. I want to die. I w-want to die…" He kept muttering over and over and overs, tears forming small puddles in the grass, some flowing over the edge of the cliff.
This sight was… meant nothing. Sure the pony was sad. Being driven to commit suicide of all things. What made him so miserable that he'd do something like this? I don't think taking your own life is worth all his pain to be gone. He could live and maybe be happy under my rule. It's not like my inevitable rule will be deadly among my ponies. I'm nothing like Sombra.
But as if I care about what one pony feels like. I'm not like Celestia or… Luna. She is the evil one who attempts to persuade all of her civilians, like her annoying sister. She is the one who tried to take over your mind, and Sombra showed you the way. The correct way. While I cannot fully agree on every action Sombra seems to take, including slavery (because that is no fun and a bit brutal for my standards), my regal standards, he is a master of his craft. Just like mine. He showed me the way. The good way. I am Nightmare Moon! I shouldn't care for just one colt who can't even live happy.
Why should you even care? You are Nightmare Moon! The Queen of Equestria, the rightful pony for the throne! Why do you care about this young one…? You don't. He's just another stepping stone. Why do you even care? He… only wants to kill himself. It… does it even matter? N-no. No! It doesn't!
…doesn't it?
"W-why…" He cries softly again. Why… why should I care about this one? Is it because… I feel remorse? That's… stupid! You shouldn't think those thoughts! It's a weakness in others. How Celestia managed to pull it off for over a millennium I'll never know… But it became her downfall. She isn't here right now. You are! It's a weakness. It's a feeling that Sombra has none because… his weakness is love… I don't know. I don't think Discord sees it as a weakness… all he does is torture others. And gets some kick out of it.
Why… do I feel remorse? Is that what this feels like? Remorse feel… sympathetic almost. Why? He's only one pony that doesn't mean anything to me. He looks pathetic, like a punching bag for stronger, more-athletic ponies who wouldn't dare to challenge me. No matter how physically or magically strong they are. They can't compare to me.
But they pick on him. This pony. He is even ashamed of his own name. I don't think anything of these names. Don't see why I should. It's just a name. They mean nothing compared to the power of sitting on the throne at… Canterlot. She changed the capital, as I remember. Nethertheless, I still hold all the power of Equestria, and all ponies will tremble before me!
But him… he's… different in a way. He doesn't care if I do rule these lands or if Celestia does. He's neutral. He'll just accept some things the way they are, and even if he wants to change things… he has no power to do so. He's smart in a way. Not making a fight that he can't fight in. And it shows how pathetic he is… being pushed around like all that…
So… I feel remorseful from it… I… Maybe… Let me get his attention for now. I'll think about what to do with him later… I'm not entirely brutal to ponies. Nothing like Sombra. And I don't want the young one to kill himself.
Killing himself won't help anything. Not when I'm done with him, anyways.
The Stallion
Killing myself will help everything. I've made my decision. I want to die. There's nothing to live for. No hope left for me to wish for. Any hope that was there has now been obliterated. There's just nothing to live for. The benefits of suicide are much better for me. No more pain, no more being a punching bag, no more directed insults, no more directed threats, no more potential chats behind my back, no more blood that is spelt, no more worrying, no… more hope for a friend. It won't even happen. I lost the will to try.
My heart's fire has been raging more violently right now. And it hurts. A lot. But I ignore the pain. So what if it is slashing around in my puny body, it doesn't matter. The pain will go away once it's all over. I could be at peace…
I also ignore the 'Queen' behind me. I don't care why she is even here. I don't even want to know. Even if I could ask these questions that may get answered, none of it matters. I just want all of it to end… the bullies that randomly appear whenever I go, to taunt and tease me. To beat me. Why do bullies like to fight? I don't see any point in it? I've always been nice to anypony that I've met. I can't remember when I got the same treatment…
Nightmare Moon, reasons for why she is even here is in obvious doubt, attempts to get my attention. I just ignore her. Does she want to turn me onto her side? To… get revenge on ponies? It's… a tempting offer if she makes one, but I'm not that brutal. No matter how much they deserve it. I won't ever make a choice that ends in civilian deaths. Some ponies are innocent and wouldn't bully me… until they meet me. Come to think of it, I can get back at these ponies that bullied me. I can… make them feel what I felt over the years…
It sounds… satisfying. No! Don't think those thoughts. You're not evil. You're not a bad p-pony. You're a nice one. You've always been. Maybe I could have a pure heart… if it weren't for the fact that it tries to burn itself every day. You get used to it. But you can never know why they all decided to pick on you. Before I die, I would like that question to be answered… at least one. Why does everypony hate me? Is it because of the way I look? Because my coat isn't even a colour? Because my mane is green? Of course, I won't get an answer…
She tries again, sounding more threatening this time. I could barely hear her over the warbled voice. If she wants to kill me… what is she waiting for? Is she being satisfied over seeing another pony contemplating suicide? She… may really be a monster.
Please, don't kill yourself. W-What? Who is this? And why should I listen to you? Please, just listen to me. I'm…
"Okay, fine. You won't listen to me?" W-What is she do-doing here? I turn around at the sight of her, where she was much bigger up closer. She also had this stern look on her expression. Better yet, who the Tartarus is the voice in my head? "Then so be it." She spoke with intent… before turning into a pink/blue mist. Oh… What have I done to her? All I did was ignore her… Don't I want to die? "Why are you here little pony? I must ask this for you to answer this time." That last part was added with venom. The mist started moving towards me. Should I be scared and panicking right now, finding a way to escape? I could just jump off behind me… "But where would the fun in that be?" F-fun… what? "Don't worry… just go to sleep… sleep and let your nightmares… awaken one more…" No. No, no, no. No. No! No! Don't take me away from this! I don't want to relive it all again! Please! Don't do this to me…
Fight it! Don't give up.
My eyes began feeling weary and droopy all of a sudden. They were closing by themselves, and I couldn't fight it, nor did I even feel any need to fight them. Now I'm starting to panic. She is going to torture me! My body planted itself on the ground, my legs feeling weak once more. I couldn't move anything. Oh why does fate do this to me? The mist was fully surrounding me now, blurring my vision. The mist slowly replaced with blackness, as some dark magic was engulfing me. "Sleep."
Everything in my vision was pure white when I came to. My eyes slowly opened, blinking a couple times before seeing the night sky. Or… pitch black. I was lying on something that wasn't visible, but it was a hard surface. I looked down and there was no ground. I looked around, and it was all dark. Where… why couldn't I… nopony will let me die so I can suffer through living… I guess there's no point in fighting if… I'm here. Wherever this here is. I noticed that a small light appeared somewhere in front of me. I blankly stared at it. Should… I walk towards it? It would be a start…
Go on. Walk towards it. It was the voice again that wasn't Nightmare Moon's. It sounded… motherly. Almost comforting… in a way. I was startled at first… I got up for a second, before falling to the ground with a grunt. My hooves still felt weak.
Can't you walk? The voice asked. Maybe…? Don't give up now. Have faith in yourself. That's hard to do at all. But… I just remained silent. I pushed myself up slowly, before noticing the light had gotten a little bigger. I had planted all four hooves on the ground now as I looked at the light. Like it was calling me… for… something. I could care less if it was for the better or worse, as likely as it was.
I started limping towards the light hesitantly. My hooves… urgh. As I kept walking, my hooves slowly regained their strength, as I was now walking gloomily. I don't think my hooves usually lose their weakness at random times… only usually whenever I wake up after a period of time. I don't know why. My heart throbbed for a beat, making me fall back on my rear once I had walked into the light.
I felt… some warmth radiating from the whiteness of this… room? Area? Whatever it was… there was a heat source coming from somewhere. The… is this a dream? It was some dream if it weren't for the fact that I can feel something within the dream. Now… something feels wrong now. Like there's a disturbance or something. There was a sudden breeze that sent chills through my spine, coming from behind me. I turned around to see the darkness once more. Then… three figures appeared… that was hard to make out.
I slowly backed away, not knowing what these figure could be… until they formed three ponies. Big ponies. Ponies that were bigger than me. One unicorn, one pegasi, one earth. They got even closer as I felt like I couldn't move. What was happening? Why… who…?
"Oh… look at what we have here." No. Not you again. The giant earth pony was here again. The burgundy coat, darken gold mane. He's… here. He kept his sinister eyes locked onto me, those evil gold eyes… He smiled evilly. Then his two 'mates' walked on both sides of him. The dark red unicorn with orange mane and eyes… he was also here. And… a white pegasi with a dark green mane and eyes. Who was he? He wasn't a bully that I've ever seen… although he probably was. "It's stupid. Look how dumb the runt is, all by himself." He started guffawing, as I looked down in shame, sorrow.
I… I… these nightmares always happen to me. I can't ever escape it, either. The dark red unicorn snickered at the comment. At least they don't look like they want to bash me… yet. "Wow." He narrowed his eyes while also smiling death at my face. My miserable, lonely face. "You're so boring. That's why nopony talks to him. Look. Just look! He's looks so stupid and dumb, the runt." I was insulted again, as the fire in my heart intensified. It… kind of hurts, but not as much as the insults that I was being received.
"Seriously, how sad is it to be without any friends." The white pegasi asked… seriously? He wasn't smirking smugly, he… if anything he looked sympathy for me, but in a way that still hurts me. W-What? Who is he? Was he… "Must be real lonely, you loser." Nevermind… as if anypony cared over what I felt. My heart was raging even more violently now, as I had to put my hoof on it. It hurts… but it felt like it dropped severely. Before I realised something…
This was just another nightmare. Only it felt like it was more realistic than before. That… it won't ever go away. And will always come back in different forms. All I could to be to take a few steps back, and began huddling to myself. At least I was thankful enough that they didn't attempt to attack me. Not that it mattered. I huddled up so much that I almost wrapped myself in a worthless, tiny ball, that didn't matter to anypony. I could hear their taunts continue, as I closed my eyes shut, attempting to contain the tears that are trying to break free.
I desperate for all this to go away. That's why I wanted to commit suicide. I didn't want to experience any more of this. Yet, I am. I should have jumped when I first saw her instead of uncontrollably crying. Though, she probably could just had teleported and caught me anyways… I hate all of this so much. I hate my luck. I hate everypony judging every little thing about me… which is the only time they do actually notice me… how I hate all of it. And I won't ever be happy from it. That I have to suffer through it all.
"Come on, runt. Get up!" The giant earth pony yelled loud enough that I could hear it, speaking those familiar lines that I hear every night.
"Yeah, why don't you come and play!" I always flinch at the way that he said that word. It was always him that says that line. I'm always terrified of these two, they are always in my dreams and they can't ever escape my mind. That I always suffer… Why am I the one to suffer this kind of abuse every day of my life? Why can't I ever be happy? Why… why can't there just be one little thing that can make me, or something that I can do… that could… make me happy?
The warmth from the light began disappearing as I noticed that I couldn't feel much intensity now, and the light itself was dimming. Focus. Don't let anything distract you. It is only you that's important. Believe in yourself. How can I believe in myself? How can I trust your words? They will always be there. I can't do anything to stop it. I've tried… "…I can't…" I spoke to myself, keeping my head buried in my forelegs, desperately not wanting to look back up at all. No matter what I do, it always bothers me…
Find that guiding light! Retain your confidence! As if I have any… Do you want to succeed? …Yes, I guess I do. If you really want to succeed, you must push away fears and distractions! I… I don't know if I can. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.
I remained silent as I heard those words. 'I believe in you'. Her comforting tone of voice also helped her persuasion… Either way… I… I squinted my eyes really hard as much as I could, feeling the tears that had formed from inside. I just wanted this pain to stop. My heart didn't help either. I'm not sure if this voice was right at all. Sitting here and just crying to myself wouldn't do anything… but nothing else would make things better. Except maybe in this situation. Everything started too seemed… better, as I tried to push these nightmares away from my head. If I wanted all of this to stop…
I need to do something about it.
I kept my eyes closed as I looked, or tired rather, inside of myself, pushing away this nightmare. This nightmare wasn't real. This nightmare wasn't real. It is all a lie… It's just my fears clinging onto me and they won't let go… this nightmare wasn't real. I kept mentally repeating these new thoughts, with a newfound reason to do something that is worth it, as the ponies' voices faded away into nothing.
I felt something immense come out from inside of me, that didn't feel like warmth of heat at first. I opened my eyes and noticed the surface beneath me was lit with whiteness. I looked up and noticed that those ponies were gone as well. It… worked. It actually worked. My nightmare was gone… The light and warmth returned, but the walls around me were still darkness. But… it actually worked. Something… must be wrong here, I'm sure of it.
But nethertheless, I gave a sigh… of relief. Those despicable ponies were gone, at the very least. I… actually conquered a nightmare. Those ponies were gone… then, wait. I listened to a voice in my head… Am I going crazy by some weird voice in my head? For the sake of be being alone for… a long time, I doubt that reason. I still scoffed at the idea… though I'm not insane from it.
"I am not just some 'weird' voice in your head." The voice spoke again, sound like a filly now that she is much clearer. Although I don't know why.
"For some reason I doubt that very much." I have more than some reason, I have quite a few. I just look around this room, seeing no exit in sight.
"Maybe you should turn around." Eh… what? I turn around… and see her. Right in front of me… I'm… this is not a hallucination… it's the Princess herself. Princess Celestia. The voice… was outside my head now.
…
I just stared at her in disbelief. I don't know whether it be in fear as well. Definitely shock. I'm not sure if I should say anything. I couldn't even muster any strength to speak or question anything. Why… why is she even here? Wha…
"I can answer those questions." She said, hearing my thoughts, as she walked up to me as I still stared at her in shock and confusion, before looking down in shame. She placed a hoof on my cheek and gently moved my head up for her to see my face. "You do know that you hold something very important?"
Well, I don't see a point in not talking right now. "I doubt that. If it's important… It can't be." I noticed that the floor had dimmed slightly, and my heart wasn't raging anymore. Still burning inside…
"Look at me…" She called very tenderly, though I'm not sure if I should look up. I'm conversing with Princess Celestia. Princess Celestia of all ponies. The ruler of Equestria. And she is wasting her time talking to me… I… don't know what to think right now. "I am not wasting my time." Her voice spoke, sounding non-threatening. "Nor am I wasting yours." She then puts a hoof under my chin, softly pushing it up for me to her smiling face again. "You can't let anything bad distract you. You can't let your paranoia and past fears guide your actions…"
"It's very hard to do when…" I say, trying to say anything really, trying to argue with the Princess…
"You are special. Your heart is also special. Believe me on this."
"I… don't understand." I stutter. Not sure if I want to. "I'm not special. I don't see how my burning heart is special… Why should I believe you?"
She lightly released her hoof from my cheek. "Your heart, Tom." She then placed her hoof on my chest. "It's more special than you think. Just because it is 'burning' inside, doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing."
"How do you know my name…?"
"Well, you're a special pony that should deserve friends… basing off your past." She mutters that last part. "Why shouldn't I know the names of all my subjects? Especially those who are very talented."
"Talented…?" Not sure if I am talented in anything, other than being lonely… "I think you have the wrong pony…" I guess… No. I don't know if I deserve friends. "I just want friends."
"Listen to me, Thomas." She requested my full attention politely, using my full name now, which I refused to acknowledged... but she knows...
"You want to know the reason of why I am helping you here?" I nodded, hesitantly. "It's because I don't want you, or any other ponies for that matter, to continue suffering like this, the current way you are. It's not worth killing yourself after losing all hope. Please believe me. You will find friends one day. I mean, you moved to this place because you heard that this was the nicest place in Equestria, am I right?" Yeah… how did you guess…? "It's… let's say an obvious thing to guess when you're the ruler of Equestria." Okay…
Suddenly, Princess Celestia sat down by me and placed her right wing around me, hinting me (I think?) to sit down with her as well. I was shaking nervously as I did so. Although, consider she is hinting for me to do so… I don't feel as nervous considering I've been talking to her. I still look towards the ground as we talk.
"There are more reasons why I helped you in the forest as well. I couldn't just let a pony be… attacked by Nightmare Moon." She attacked me? I thought she just made me sleep. "She attacked you by making you go into an eternal state of nightmares, until she thinks the pain was satisfactory." Oh… "And…" She made a pause, making me look at her, oddly. "I didn't want to just help a poor little colt…I could see and feel the importance you had within you. I also needed to protect you…because you're very special whether you think so or not." I only remained silent as I looked away once again.
"Although you may not be comfortable with talking to another pony…" She paused again. "You're listening to me right now. We're conversing, aren't we?" Now I pause at that question. Considering everything… I guess.
"Now… you may not be comfortable with this… I'm hoping that you trust me enough to answer a few simple questions that I have for you right now…" That depends… what kind of questions? I'm uncertain of where this is going. She adjusted herself slight for a moment, followed by a few moments of silence. "Do you trust me?" She asked, out of the blue. Then I paused in silence… I don't know how, or what to answer that question with. I…
"I don't…" I pause again. She helped me from my nightmares, helped me give some sort of motivation… And reason, or at least trying, to… well, live. Then, I sighed heavily with my closed eyes. "I do." I still say slightly nervously and hesitantly, but… with small confidence. Actually some confidence. She smiled from my answer. Her expression looks… sincere. She placed her right hoof on my left shoulder. Normally or naturally, I would have reacted nervously, but since she... helped me, for lack of better words… "Tell me…" She began. "What would you like in your life's journey?"
"That's…" The question surprised me. It's something that I always feel about in the back of my head… I paused as I looked down, feeling sad about something that probably won't ever happen to me. "To… I…" It's hard to come up with these word… when talking about what I want. I'm… it's too nervous to say.
"Don't worry. Take your time." She assures me. I think about what I want to say… for who knows how long.
"Friends. Maybe a marefriend." Then I paused again… Sighs. "…I just want to be happy…" I think my voice cracked when I said that.
"Is that all?" For right now… in my life… I guess. I nodded, still looking down at the ground. "Okay." She brings her head a little closer to mind, a little uncomforting but… comforting. I guess what they say is true in some respect. They said that she was nice and kind. I can see why… they said those words, not out of fear. I think I heard giggling. "Now, what is it… that really scares you?"
"Many things…" I instantly answer, as I clenched my teeth. My anxiety was rising again. I don't really want to reveal this information… but considering it's the Princess… I don't know. "I…" Okay, I guess I should say why. "The… possible bullies that I always encounter… the pain that they could bring…" I trail off, trying so hard not to cry. It's hard not to… "…being lonely…" I then say, before being silent again.
"Hmm…" She then considers something, before continuing. "What is really most important to you?" Err… what is most important to me? I-I don't know. "Well, if you can't answer the question, what is something that you've always wanted?" One thing I've always wanted… friends. That's what I've always wanted. And I've been bullied and lonely from such a wish. And if I had it, it'd most likely be the most important thing to me in the world…
"…friendship…" I finally spat out, before looking back at the Princess, who had closer her eyes and nodded. I think she just indicated that she was done. Friendship… I've always wanted friends. I don't know if I will ever get any…
"If you trust me, Thomas," she interrupted me. "I promise you, you'll receive what you've been looking for very long soon. As of right now, I trust that you are responsible for the essential piece you hold."
"Responsible?" I focused my attention towards that word. What am I exactly responsible for? A flaming heart. Also… I don't think I have it in me to even be trusted with anything. Or to be responsible for. "Princess, I don't think you could trust me to be responsible with anything." I still state softly. "I just… nopony trusts me…"
Princess Celestia placed a warm hoof around my shoulder. "Don't worry," She spoke even softer than before. "I trust you. Spero te." She… spoke in 'porcus'? She- you trust me? "Yes, I do Thomas. This is why I told you that you need to believe in yourself…" I… guess that makes sense. "And don't worry, you will not be alone… Even if you think you may be alone in certain times, look back into your heart."
"How does a burning heart help my 'loneliness' problem?" I ask. How could it? I can't see any reason that it would. I only feel pain from my heart.
"Believe in me. It will in time. More answers to your questions will be answered in time, that I cannot answer right now." She stood up as if she was preparing to leave. "I must go now. Don't worry; we'll see each other again in no time."
I would… wait. She's leaving. I don't know where I would be in the forest. I don't want her presence to leave. "Wait, Princess!" I start shaking slowly in fear.
She looked back and then faced me, only releasing a motherly warm smile. "Don't be afraid." She placed a hoof on my chest, presumable where my heart is. "If I'm not with you outside, I will always be with you in here." W-what? You will? She will? Afterwards, she appeared to begin fading away. Actually, everything around me grew brighter, filling my vision with just pure white. "Now…go and help your friends…" F-Friends? What friends?
I wouldn't know if that question would ever get answered, as my vision was blinded in white.