//------------------------------// // Luna Woona Doo // Story: The Super Awesome Story About Stuff // by BlackRoseRaven //------------------------------// Chapter Four: Luna Woona Doo ~BlackRoseRaven The train chugged northward, and Luna grumbled under her breath, sulking grouchily as she sat back in her seat. Karl was sitting on one side of her, sipping loudly at some bizarre fruit drink in an oversized plastic cup, and Twilight was across from the sapphire mare, with Shining Armor half in his seat and half in her lap, snoozing on and off. Marina and River Styx were seated at the table across the aisle, watching out the small windows as endless mountains and cliffs passed by, blanketed beneath the darkness of the beautiful night. It was a very placid, peaceful voyage so far... which of course, just made Luna whine loudly in frustration before she complained: “I wish for something interesting to happen!” At that moment, all the lights in the carriage went out, leaving them in near-total darkness apart from the starlight shining in from the windows, before a loud, masculine voice rasped: “Perhaps I can help with that!” All eyes turned with shock towards a glowing phantasm that appeared in the darkness at the front of the carriage, the stallion cackling loudly as chains rattled around its body. Voices yelled and panicked, and the phantasm darted through the carriage, ponies leaping in all direction as it whizzed back and forth through the air above their heads. Styx could only stare in disbelief as Marina's jaw dropped, before the phantasm bolted suddenly towards them: immediately, Styx leapt forwards as Marina dropped back in her seat, half-hiding behind it as she gave a little shriek. The unicorn stallion snapped his horn forwards... but the blast of magic bounced off the ghost and hammered back into his own face, knocking him sprawling with a grunt of surprise as the phantasm boomed: “You can't harm me with your silly mortal magics! No, be gone from this place! Be gone, for I have laid claim to all that lies beyond!” There was a thunderous crackle of lightning, a burst of laughter... and then only darkness. For a few moments, ponies yelled and panicked in the shadows, until the lights flashed back on. Karl was trembling, hugging himself tightly, a visibly-paler shade of white than she had been before the lights had gone out; Luna was half-out of her seat, grasping wildly at the air as Karl half-choked her in an embrace; Twilight was only looking moodily at the air; Marina was already helping River Styx to his hooves as he rubbed slowly at a bruised muzzle with a scowl. “Are you okay?” Marina asked hesitantly, and Styx glowered at her for a moment... but then dropped his eyes and nodded grudgingly. He mumbled something that might have even been a 'thanks' before he stepped past her, frowning at Luna. The sapphire mare finally jabbed an elbow back into Karl, and Karl yelped before releasing the mare, and then she huffed loudly and shoved her away, knocking Luna off her seat with a thump and a squawk. “Do not cling to me, it wasn't that frightening a side-show! What... what terrible acting, how dare such a creature interrupt my well-earned beauty rest!” “Oh, aye. Beauty rest. Thou art in grand need of that.” Luna grumbled moodily from the ground, and then the sapphire mare huffed loudly before she pushed herself quickly up, shaking herself off before groaning when both Twilight and Styx looked at her pointedly. “Oh, what? As if 'tis my fault that some... ghostly-ghost decides to show up because I am bored? 'Tis not my fault that even now, dead horrors come from far and wide to appease and sacrifice to their mistress!” Luna shoved her hooves up above her head as her nose wiggled a little, and Twilight sighed tiredly before she started: “Luna-” “Nay! Merry band, it looks like we have a mystery on our hooves!” Luna declared, thrusting a hoof ahead and nearly punching Styx in the face as he winced out of the way. “And our first clue is here!” She half-spun, nearly slapping Karl with her extended hoof before shoving it rudely into the mare's face. “Aye, 'twas a great feat of acting, was it not... well, Karl, thou art the braggart and actor here who enjoys, more than anything, being the center of attention! Do not lie, thou art the source of this phantasm!” “Uh. No.” Karl slapped Luna's hoof disdainfully away, scowling horribly down at her. “Excuse me, but... a shock character? Some... B-movie horror monster? No, no, I am far, far above such... mediocrity! I am a protagonist! I am a hero and-slash-or heroine! I will not ever lower myself to such... such slander of my talent!” “Twilight, I do not understand what Karl is saying, but I believe it is admission of his guilt. Throw him off the train.” Luna said firmly. Twilight only looked at Luna sourly, until the sapphire mare grunted and hopped out into the aisle, saying grouchily: “Oh, very well. Well, as we have nothing else to do on this accursed train, I shall go and find the source of this evil. Twilight Sparkle, will thou be my Scrivy and come with me?” “I don't think so, Luna. You spend too much time hitting Scrivy.” Twilight said dryly, and Luna looked thoughtful before she stepped over and gently bopped Twilight with her horn, making the violet mare scowl slightly. “Like that, yes.” “Yes.” Luna said agreeably, nodding thoughtfully a few times, and then she looked meditatively down at Shiny, who was groggily looking around in his seat, rubbing slowly at his eyes and mumbling to himself. “Well, the foal cannot be Scrivy. That would be very terrible of me, and it is very sick of thee to even consider. Sick. Thou art sick, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight only continued to look moodily at Luna, and Luna looked seriously back before she suddenly turned her eyes towards River Styx and Marina, squinting at them thoughtfully. “Well, perhaps one of thee...” She strode over to River Styx first, glaring almost challengingly into his eyes before she suddenly swept her horn down to bop him with it. The stallion didn't so much as flinch, only scowling back at her as the genet nervously peered over his head, and Luna pursed her lips thoughtfully before she looked over at Marina, stepping towards her. The chocolate mare flinched automatically, then ducked away as Luna started to raise her horn... which made the sapphire pony huff loudly before she turned her eyes towards Styx, eyeing him for a few moments before she suddenly reached up and seized him by the collar of his purple armor, half-dragging him away as she declared: “Thou art my Scrivy! Thou art sour and grumpy and thou has a small pet upon thy head! Thou art not quite as beautiful a mare as I would like, but all the same, thou shall do.” River Styx thought about yanking away, or perhaps hitting the mare in the back of the head with a knockout spell... but considering what had happened last time, and the fact that Twilight Sparkle had already blasted the mare with enough lightning to power Canterlot for a week and it had done nothing but make the insane mare laugh... He didn't know whether or not he was thankful when Twilight Sparkle and Marina hurried after them, the stallion looking moodily over his shoulder as Luna grinned brightly and said cheerfully: “Excellent! Thou both decide to join us... but what of Shiny?” As she turned towards the other ponies, Styx quickly stepped out of reach of the sapphire mare and brushed moodily at his armor... Captain's armor, still, he noted. Just like Twilight Sparkle still had wings... but it seemed like these Draconequus changed things on whim, and changed them back just as infrequently. “Karl can keep an eye on him. We're not going to be gone very long.” “So thou says, but who knows? We may be in for a grand adventure!” Luna proclaimed, throwing her forelegs in the air. Twilight sighed tiredly, looking almost pleadingly at the sapphire mare before Shiny's voice floated to them from the other end of the car, asking: “Can I have a juice box?” “Excuse me? Do I look like a stagehoof to you?” Karl asked in an incensed voice, and then she added quickly: “Oh, but if you see one, get me a double vodka. I have to keep up my vitamins, you know!” Karl laughed at her own obtuse joke, and Twilight sighed tiredly before she muttered: “I'll be right back.” The purple mare turned around and grumpily made her way back to the seat, then returned a few moments later with a happier-looking Shining Armor riding on her back, the foal clinging to her mane and smiling brightly. Luna nodded firmly at this, and then she pointed at the door ahead of them, saying firmly: “I believe all our answers are right here!” Luna flung the door open... and stepped into a crowded luggage cart, the mare blinking dumbly as she looked back and forth before she hurried through the cart to the door at the other end. But when she yanked this open, she was only greeted with air, the mare wincing as her ephemeral mane was sucked out into the jetstream as she stumbled forwards and caught herself awkwardly against a safety rail. She stared out at the tracks, and then one of her eyes twitched before she spun around and leapt back inside, kicking the door closed behind her even as her mane sparked and twisted around her head. “Where is the rest of the train?” “I'm guessing the Draconequus decided to shorten it.” River Styx said dryly, rubbing at his armor again before he glanced moodily back and forth at the piles and piles of shoddily-packed luggage, suitcases, and cargo that filled the freight car. “They seem to enjoy taking liberties and shortcuts wherever they can, after all.” Luna groaned loudly at this, slapping her own forehead before she looked quickly back and forth, then simply dove into a mountain of luggage, her muffled voice complaining from inside the pile: “Well, I know the answer must be here all the same! Help me search!” Shining Armor giggled and happily leapt off Twilight's back to hurry over to a pile of luggage, and Twilight sighed tiredly. Marina and River Styx traded looks, but then both shrugged before the Royal Guard asked moodily: “What precisely are we supposed to be looking for?” “Clues!” Luna's voice shouted from the mountain of suitcases she was under, and then the pile shook as she wiggled around, complaining: “Thou... I am sure thou shall know it when thou sees it!” River Styx grumbled as Marina shrugged awkwardly again, before the two ponies turned towards the cargo: there were a lot of arguments that they could likely make about how insane this all was, but it didn't seem like logic had a lot of effect on Luna. As the ponies dug through the luggage, Karl scowled to herself, looking grumpily out the window. This was all getting very boring and she wasn't nearly getting the attention she deserved. She pouted, dropping her chin on a hoof before she complained: “I am the greatest actor of modern times, if not all time, and look! Look at this! What nonsense! Sitting here like some... some secondary character, waiting for my five minutes in the spotlight! This is absolutely ridiculous, this is utterly preposterous this is... this is completely unacceptable!” Karl huffed and crossed her forelegs... and then she blinked in surprise as the lights in the cabin flickered before they went out again. The mare whimpered a little, looking worriedly back and forth as she fearfully hugged herself, the ponies around gasping and murmuring worriedly. Karl licked her lips... and then she flinched when something touched her, slapping wildly at it. There was a yelp and a hurried apology before whoever it had been drew away, and Karl felt emboldened by this reaction as she rose her head, shouting: “That's right! I... I am Karla! You must all respect me, I am the greatest and most permanent member of this company, I am the star, I am the only person who-” Eerie light burst through the cabin, and Karl flinched... then shrieked as she saw the phantasm from earlier was now seated beside her, grinning cruelly as it leaned in and whispered: “Then you will be the first to join us in our new, ever-after play... you can even be the star! In fact... we will not accept anything less!” The ghostly stallion laughed loudly, beginning to raise its forelegs... and then the door at the end of the cabin banged loudly open, Twilight charging in with her horn glowing brightly. Immediately, the phantasm leapt away from Karl, laughing loudly as it whizzed through the air before smashing its way through the door at the front of the cabin and into the next set of cars with a flash of bright light. Twilight sprinted after it, while Karl screamed and panicked, flailing wildly around in her seat as she babbled: “I'm not paid nearly enough to deal with this! Director, Director! Director, help me, there is a headhunter here literally hunting my head!” Then Karl dropped the back of one hoof against her forehead before she gave a whimpering sigh and simply collapsed back in her seat... before ponderously sliding off and landing with a loud thud in the aisle of the train. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments as the other ponies in the cart looked fearfully between themselves. None of them quite knew what to do with the beleaguered drag queen – a term which I use only to compliment the stallion's incredible talent for prancing and frolicking as a mare, of course, for Karl truly puts the 'queen' in drag queen – but thankfully they were saved too much worry about it, as River Styx and Marina emerged from the luggage compartment. They made it about halfway down the cabin towards Karl before Luna charged out of the freight car, knocking the two ponies flying. She skidded to a halt in front of Karl, then leaned down and began to poke at her with her horn childishly, saying triumphantly: “There! Awaken, awaken, foul harpy, we have caught thee in the act!” Karl stirred... then yelped and flailed at Luna, slapping at her angrily as she shouted: “Stop, stop that at once! Don't touch me, you... you wicked little ingrate!” Luna deflected most of Karl's attacks, then she quickly caught the mare by the face, squeezing her cheeks comically together as she retorted: “Nay, I have thee! 'Tis more obvious than ever before thou art the culprit, faking another attack for the dramaticness of it all!” Karl squawked, then squeaked when Luna flung her head backwards as the sapphire mare accused: “That is all thou cares about, is it not? The attention, the adulation, and now that we are here, we were stealing it away! So thou hatched a clever ruse, to be both victim and... victim... maker! Victimicker!” Luna glared down at Karl, who mouthed wordlessly before her eyes blazed, and the Celestia-lookalike leapt to her hooves as she roared in indignation: “How dare you accuse me of such... such a ridiculous, stupid, absurd, and worst of all, contrived idea! I am an acteur, I am a genius, I am an artist! I am always at the center of the stage, I am the entire reason these plays succeed, I am the divine celestial godparent of this theater company and I would never stoop to such a wretched, idiotic low in order to simply have more stage time, when it is not one's time upon the stage that matters, but the amount of words written about you in the reviews!” Karl breathed hard in and out, her eyes glaring furiously down at Luna, who glared back at her... then she suddenly stomped a hoof down and declared: “And there, there! Thou hast confirmed my suspicion, harpy! For what better way to be writ about than by sabotage, where thou can play the part of the weeping victim in distress! Victimicker! Thou victimicker!” River Styx dropped his face in a hoof as Marina's head slowly tilted to the side, the mare mouthing wordlessly. Karl, meanwhile, twitched and shivered with rage, choking on her own words as she ground her teeth together, her whole body quaking as her teeth scraped together with a sound like cement rubbing against cement. But before she could explode with righteous fury, Twilight Sparkle returned, frowning and carrying what looked like a paper chain with her. Luna blinked in surprise at this, cocking her head curiously as Twilight explained: “I found this. It-” “It is a clue!” Luna snatched the paper chain away, then she rapidly pounded on it as she snapped: “'Tis made of newspaper! The very same newspaper thou wert declaring was so important to thee, the very same newspaper-” “Oh give me that!” Karl snatched the paper chain away, scowling as she examined it... and then she flung it down with a sound of disgust, stepping backwards like it was some kind of horrible vermin that had tried to bite her. “Manehattan Weekly? I can't believe you tricked me into touching that soiled, dirty rag!” Luna huffed loudly, and then she glanced over her shoulder in surprise as Shining Armor hurried forwards and quickly picked the paper chain up. “Hey! I think that's mine!” Twilight glanced over at the foal... then she turned a sour look towards Luna as the sapphire mare exclaimed: “Stealing from foals now, art thou? Thou truly are the most evil Celestia we have ever met, Karl! Thou art even worse than Hecate!” “I don't know who that is, and furthermore, I am only playing a role. Further furthermore, I am not evil, but the greatest Celestia you have ever met, for I am playing her as the ruler she was meant to be, a Celestia more Celestia than Celestia has ever been!” Karl proclaimed, one hoof on her breast and the other thrusting high into the air. Luna began to open her mouth, but Twilight quickly covered the sapphire mare's mouth with a hoof before she turned a smile towards Shining Armor, asking gently: “Do you remember what happened to your art projects?” “No, I just remember you saying it was a good idea, and I made a whole bunch of paper chains and stuff that we were going to put up later and then I fell asleep.” Shining Armor replied with a shake of his head, frowning down at the torn paper chain. “I hope they didn't ruin the rest of it.” “Yes, Karl. I hope thou did not ruin the rest of this poor foal's endeavors.” Luna said acidly, glaring at the Celestia-lookalike. But Karl looked undaunted, sniffing disdainfully and crossing her forelegs with a huff. “Oh, please. I have never and will never use props that are not made by the art department and constructed of nothing less than a polymer or artificial metal base.” Karl sniffed disdainfully, flicking a hoof off to the side with a contemptible look down at Shining Armor. “I would never deign to touch this child's playthings any more than I would deign to even take part in this... absolute trainwreck of a charade of a monster being on board.” Luna scowled as Shining Armor shrank a little, and then River Styx said dryly: “That might not be the best phrasing.” “I leave the phrasings to the writers, you bit-part player. I am an acteur. I am a performer!” Karl flung her forelegs wide, nearly knocking Luna over as she shouted with sudden passion: “I am the greatest, brightest star in this theater company and I will not be accused of... of... playing the pig!” She spun around and stormed towards the next car with a huff, Luna continuing to glare suspiciously after her as River Styx frowned and Marina shifted, before the chocolate mare said hesitantly: “Luna, as much as I know you want it to be Karl... I don't think it's actually her. But if it's actually after her, maybe we should go with her...” “Nay.” Luna said stubbornly, huffing loudly around Twilight's hoof before she licked it, the violet mare wincing and pulling her foreleg quickly back before Luna sniffed disdainfully. “I shall find more evidence! Shining Armor, come with me! The rest of thee can go and chase Karl if it suits thee... but whether I am right or wrong, the fastest way to solving this mystery is simply to throw Karl off the train.” “Tempting, but I somehow don't think it would work very well.” muttered River Styx, before he nodded briefly and strode forwards, Marina and Twilight joining him even as the purple mare shot a moody look over her shoulder at Luna, who waved at them even as she wrinkled up her muzzle. “Fie on thee, then, only know that when it all goes wrong, thou shall not have me to blame!” she declared, and then she spun around and tossed Shining Armor up onto her back, the foal yelping before clinging automatically into her mane as Luna stomped back towards the luggage compartment. It wasn't very hard to find Karl, at least: not just because the train was much smaller than they remembered it being, but because in spite of the fact that Karl had only recently claimed she was not a pig, she was currently sprawled over the buffet table, ponies looking uncomfortable as she scooped up hoof-fulls of potato salad and macaroni to shove gluttonously into her mouth between wails of 'woe is me!' and 'misery, misery!' The three looked at the mare for a few moments as Karl literally wept into the food, before she suddenly spun around, crumbs flying from her mouth and her hooves as she shoved her forelegs towards the ponies almost imploringly, crying out: “Why? Why, oh wretched fate, do you mock me so? Am I not the greatest shining star in all of Equestria? Is my art not divine, am I not both legend and fancy? Oh, cruel fates! Cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel fates! Why do you play with me?” Karl fell of her knees, shoving her forelegs towards the sky as she glared up at the ceiling, tears rolling down her cheeks as she screamed: “Treachery! Outrage! What have I done to deserve this vengeance, this wrath? Why do you insist on tormenting me, divinities of destiny, wrenching out of my grasp again and again my birthright, my blessing; again and again, you sweep the path to destiny out from under my hooves, the path I seek only to walk with you, you all in mind!” Karl flung a foreleg across her legs as the other shoved out to the side, the mare whispering dramatically: “Take me. Take me, damn you, take me then, expunge me and suffocate my talent, I dare you! You only do the world a disservice, though, in pursuit of your bloody vengeance! For when you strike at me, you strike not merely at a pony, a pony who has tried so hard throughout all of life to only be the very best at what this pony does for the love and laughter of the people... you strike at Equestria! You strike at the nation, and her people, and their beating throbbing pulsating hearts! Destroy me, go ahead, but know that I shall live on forever in their love and smiles, in their adoration! Not out of charity, not out of kindness, but respect, and admiration, for all I represent! Life! Liberty! Happiness! The Equestrian dream! Strike me, if you dare to strike against all these things!” Karl flung herself forwards, the Celestia lookalike almost spasming on the ground before she shook a hoof at the ceiling of the compartment and screamed: “But I shall not be toyed with! I do not submit to you, Fates! I will not be made a fool of, I will fight, fight with every last ounce of strength in my glorious body to defy you, for I stand for freedom! I am deity, I am faith, I am monarch of all I survey and mentor and spiritual leader to my people! And my people are all ponies, all who would follow in my hoofsteps, seeking the art, the majesty, the truth of the stage! We will not be held back! We will not be stepped on! We will fight, fight, fight to be free of your wretched chains!” Karl leapt to her hooves, thrusting her forelegs to the sky as she roared: “We will be free! We, who make our nation great, who instill and teach and strengthen the spirit, we shall be free of your shackles and oppression and violence! So strike me down if you dare, but you can do nothing, nothing to harm the truth for which I stand! We will not be silenced! We will not be stopped! We are free!” The mare breathed hard in and out, chest heaving, her forelegs to the air. The three ponies stared in silence... and then Karl slumped before carefully adjusting her mane, muttering: “Normally I'd charge a hundred bits for a performance like that, you greedy little ponies, so stop staring at me like you deserve more than that. You're only lucky it wasn't for your benefit, but because I myself needed a small refresher. A reminder of why precisely I am the very best.” Karl huffed loudly, and then she spun around and grabbed up a hoof full of potato salad in one hoof, opening her mouth... before scowling at this and flicking the clump of food away. “What am I doing? Nonsense!” The Celestia lookalike picked up a cloth napkin to daintily wipe her hooves and her face... and then she tossed it away and leapt over to the dessert side of the buffet cart, greedily scooping up a hoof-full of ice cream. “You deserve this, Karla!” She shoved the entire scoop of ice cream into her mouth, smacking her lips loudly, and River Styx grimaced as Marina stared, before the stallion muttered: “Maybe we should throw her off the train.” “Don't encourage Luna, her ideas are never good.” Twilight grumbled, and then the purple mare shook her head before she strode up behind Karl, asking carefully: “Do you think that maybe we could ask you what happened with that ghost, Karl?” The Celestia lookalike stiffened slightly, then she slowly turned around, narrowing her eyes dangerously at Twilight as she slowly chewed a large mouthful of rocky road ice cream. Then she swallowed – painfully, it sounded like – and leaned down, Twilight wincing back from the mare's awful breath and the drooling strings of ice cream hanging from her luscious full lips as she hissed: “Karla. Karla! Is that so hard for you all to remember? My name is Karla, especially when I am in the role of a mare! And gender neutral pronouns, feminine nouns... except actor! I am an actor, I am never an actress!” Karl halted, then straightened and tapped at her chin, muttering: “I am also handsome and beautiful. You may use feminine and masculine verbs to describe me. But don't waste your time calling me pretty! That is a disgusting word. I have no strong opinion on the word 'cute,' however.” Twilight looked at the mare for a few moments, and then she slowly twitched, the purple mare lowering her head and taking a slow breath. Marina winced a little at this, then quickly trotted up beside her and asked: “Karla... why would anypony want to scare you?” “Jealousy!” Karl shouted immediately, thrusting a hoof into the air above her head. “Jealousy of my superior acting skills! And jealousy of my beauty, my attributes, my talent, my profound abilities, and most of all, my passion!” Karl shook her hoof, glaring into thin air as a bit of ice cream dripped off her muzzle, and Marina gave an awkward smile as Twilight sighed. But before the purple mare could say anything, there was a loud fizzle, and a moment later, the lights went out. Karl immediately screamed, grabbing Marina and Twilight and choking them both as she hugged them against her body, her head snapping back and forth as she shrieked: “Not again, not again, not again! It's too soon for me to die!” Twilight swore, kicking wildly as Marina's eyes bulged , clutching at the surprisingly-strong foreleg around her neck. River Styx, meanwhile, had lit up his horn, the stallion looking back and forth sharply... before his eyes widened as a voice whispered silkily into his ear: “Step aside. You don't want to protect her anyway, do you?” Styx looked sharply to the side, and found himself face-to-face with the grinning phantasm. It floated eerily above the ground, chains jingling around its body, the ghoulish stallion bursting into green flames as the two looked at each other for a moment before Styx suddenly lunged. But the phantasm only laughed loudly as River Styx passed harmlessly through it, the stallion hitting the ground with a curse before he swiftly rolled around in a circle and snapped his horn sharply out. The blast of telekinesis only distorted the ghost faintly, however, and Styx gritted his teeth before the phantasm vanished, and its voice called mockingly from across the room: “Here I am! Here I am!” River Styx turned towards the sound, his horn glowing as he readied himself... and then something crashed down on top of him, knocking him flat against the ground. The phantasm cackled as it leapt off his body, reappearing in a burst of eldritch flame and dashing straight towards Karl, who screamed louder as she lifted Marina and Twilight in front of her like shields- Twilight swore furiously before her horn lit up brightly, and the phantasm flinched as it was struck by a spell... which then rebounded and smashed into the three mares, knocking them sprawling back into the buffet table. They bounced and clattered over it, and the phantasm laughed loudly before it swept down, ripping one of the trays of food free before shooting over to Karl and upending it over the mare's head. Karl howled in misery and fury beneath the hail of macaroni, before the phantasm flung the food tray down on top of her and hammered it firmly, making it ring like a bell before the ghost jeered: “You will be all ours, Karl! Just wait and see!” “Karla!” the actor screamed, even as dropped to the ground and curled up in terror. “Leave me alone! I'm on contract, you have to talk to my agent!” “No, we will be making a new contract with you... a new contract with you directly!” boomed the phantasm... and then the ghoul laughed loudly as Twilight dove towards him, the creature vanishing from the spot in a burst of green lightning, the purple mare wincing before she crashed into Karl. The two rolled backwards, Karl shrieking and flailing wildly at Twilight, who shouted in frustration as she shoved back at the terrified mare. The phantasm reappeared a moment later in the middle of the room, grinning widely, its attention locked on Twilight and Karl. Its chains began to twist and turn around it as it laughed evilly, and River Styx quickly looked back and forth before he seized on a nearby chair and flung it quickly at the phantasm with telekinesis. The chair passed harmlessly through the ghost, but it at least distracted it as it glared at Styx, who followed up with a short blast of magic, even as he prepared himself to dodge out of the way. But instead of being reflected like before, the magic passed harmlessly through the phantasm, as if it wasn't really there- “Foul creature! There thou art!” Luna's voice shouted, and the mare burst into the buffet car a moment later, snapping her horn out and blasting the phantasm with a spell. The ghost squealed and screamed, spasming in the air before it quickly fled, and Luna chased after it, hounding it with flashes of magic and sound. The ghost vanished through a closed door, and Luna rammed into this... and bounced stupidly off, blinking in dumb surprise as she landed with a thud on her back. A moment later, the lights flickered back on in the car, and the sapphire mare groaned as she covered her face, muttering: “Accursed spirit.” She clambered up to her hooves, rubbing at her muzzle before she turned around and complained: “And what are all of thee doing? Twilight, look at thou, thou art a mess! 'Tis not what I expected to see from such a great wielder of the arcane as thee!” Twilight scowled darkly as she sat up, brushing bits of food off her body before she looked moodily over at Karl, who was whimpering on the floor in the fetal position again. Marina, meanwhile, blinked and stared around from the other side of the buffet table, rubbing awkwardly at her mane before she said uneasily: “Something seems strange about that spirit-” “Aye, 'tis clearly some contrivance of Karl's!” Luna declared, and Karl blinked before she sat up, snarling furiously over at Luna as one of her eyes twitched, but the sapphire mare was completely oblivious to this as she continued: “If we cannot throw her off the train, then I say we lock her in a closet and leave her there. 'Tis very clear the spirit is only interested in her, after all. I say let it haunt her to wherever we are going and back if it so pleases!” Karl opened her mouth... and without looking, Twilight picked up a cloth napkin with telekinesis and shoved it quickly into the Celestia-lookalike's jaws, making her choke and splutter before the purple mare said slowly: “I think I know how to trap this creature. But I'm going to need a little bit of help from everyone.” Luna cocked her head curiously, and Twilight smiled slightly as all eyes turned to her. “I don't think it's Karl, and I don't think it's a ghost, either. In fact, I have a pretty good idea of who's responsible for this whole mess.” “Well, thou heard her, group. We are at thy disposal, Twilight.” Luna shrugged, looking pointedly around at the other ponies: River Styx only sighed, and Marina shrugged awkwardly herself as she picked herself up. “Tell us what thou needs, and we shall see it done.” “Alright Luna. First, I need you to go get Shining Armor, he's important for this whole plan.” Twilight said, and Luna nodded firmly before she spun around and trotted happily out of the room. Twilight watched her until she was gone, and then she said mildly: “Marina, can you turn chocolate ice cream into solid chocolate?” Marina looked confused by this, but she nodded slowly after a moment... and five minutes later, when Luna returned, she found Karl grumpily sitting on a large, red X, a net hanging above the actor as she scowled around at everything. The entire buffet room had been rearranged, and Luna peered curiously around at it as Shining Armor leaned over her head, the foal asking: “What's going on?” “Oh, good, there you are! Shining Armor, come here, please. I have a special job for you.” Twilight said quickly, and the foal smiled as he hopped quickly off Luna's back, the sapphire mare following before Twilight held out a sack. “Here. These are bricks of chocolate. Later on you can eat them, but right now, I need you to wiggle into that little space under the table and tie the chocolate to the rope using one of your cadet knots. There's enough chocolate in here to serve as a counterweight for the net, which is very important. Just like it's important it all stays hidden. Once you're done, come right back here.” Shining Armor smiled, then he took the bag of chocolate... before wincing as he almost fell over from the weight of it, wheezing a little as he began to quickly drag the heavy bag towards a low table with a tablecloth thrown over it to hide whatever mechanism Twilight had put together. “Well, thou hast been busy.” Luna said plaintively, and Twilight smiled before Luna's eyes roved towards Shining Armor, the mare asking: “Should I help the foal? He seems to be struggling.” “No, Shining can get it himself. Besides, we need you here, Luna, your magic seems to be the only thing that can dispel this ghost.” Twilight replied, and Luna nodded thoughtfully a few times before the purple mare pointed at Karl, explaining: “When the ghost goes to chase Karl, all she has to do is jump out of the way and it'll get caught in the net. I've enchanted the net so it will hopefully catch ethereal entities, but of course, we won't know for sure until we try. River Styx will be waiting to set off the trap, and Marina is by the door, in case it tries to escape. She has a net, too, just in case.” “'Tis very wise, Twilight Sparkle. I am sure this will work.” Luna said empathetically, and then she added mildly: “Although my idea is still better. Why have we not simply gotten rid of Karl?” Twilight sighed, then gestured at Luna to follow, and the two slipped behind the buffet table, hiding from view. The other civilian and generally-existing-only-as-background-filler ponies had already been ushered out of the car, so after Shining Armor joined them, the car was silent and empty except for Karl, who was looking miserable in the middle of the floor. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for the ghost to strike... And only a few minutes later, there was a loud fizzling before the lights went out. Twilight grimaced, leaning quickly over the buffet cart as Shining Armor whimpered, and then the purple mare whispered: “Luna, see if you can get a better angle, I'll stay here with Shining Armor!” “Yes, certainly!” Luna hopped away through the darkness, and for almost a minute, the only sound was the whimpering of Karl and the breathing of ponies. And then, all of a sudden, there was a flare of green light and a wicked laugh, Karl screaming as the phantasm appeared next to her, the ghoul reaching for her as it hissed: “Now, you will be mine!” Karl screamed louder, falling over and flailing wildly at the air as the phantasm loomed over her... and then it looked up in surprise as there was a loud click before the net fell from the ceiling. But this only passed harmlessly through the phantasm and instead landed on Karl, who shrieked louder and convulsed helplessly beneath the netting. The monster laughed loudly, then looked back and forth, shouting: “Fools! You cannot hope to catch me, I am-” “Now!” Twilight shouted, and the phantasm looked surprised for a moment before there was a tremendous thump, and the ghost blinked before simply whiffing out of existence as a series of frustrated yells rose up. Twilight smiled in victory after a moment, straightening as Shining Armor looked up in surprise. River Styx and Marina were both standing by the low table, where the 'ghost' had its rump in the air and its head trapped inside a heavy sack that was stuck beneath the furnishing, large hindquarters wiggling helplessly back and forth as it uselessly tried to pull its head free. The purple mare strode over to the ghost, her horn glowing and lifting the heavy table so she could shove the mysterious phantasm down into the floor, then slide it carefully beneath the narrow legs that it had gotten its sack-covered head stuck between. She forcefully sat the ghost back, then grabbed the sack and yanked it off, revealing a glowering, cheap plastic mask. Twilight grasped this, and tore it off to a collective gasp from the audience, before Karl shouted in astonishment from where she was still trapped beneath the net: “Luna?” Luna scowled horribly, chocolate smeared all over her muzzle, her expression terrible and childish as she crossed her forelegs. River Styx only sighed, and Marina mouthed wordlessly as Twilight said dryly: “Seriously, who else was it going to be? Luna is the only one stupid enough to try and pull this off. Luna is also the only one here who happens to be a master of illusion magic-” “And disguise!” Luna shouted, thrusting up her forelegs and giving everyone present a full view of her 'costume:' torn black garbage bags and Shining Armor's paper chains. And who really knew where she'd dredged up that ugly mask from? “Aye, 'twas I all along! I did it to get rid of Karl! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for thee, meddling foals!” “Actually, it was your gluttony that undid you. I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist a giant bag full of chocolate, and figured that while you tried to distract us with the ghost illusion, you'd sneak over here and stuff your face.” Twilight said mildly, pointing at the sack full of bricks of chocolate, and Luna huffed even as she blushed and hurriedly scrubbed at her features. “And I mean, seriously, did you really think that was my actual trap? A giant red X on the floor? A net, hanging from the ceiling, with River Styx sitting literally ten feet away holding on to a pull rope? You set the trap off yourself when you undid it from the bag of chocolate, that was how I knew you were over here in the first place and to drop the table on you.” Luna huffed loudly, and Karl wiggled under the net before she screamed: “You mean you set me up? You all set me up? You are monsters! You are all monsters!” “For once I agree! Damnation, Karl, all I desired was to see thee flung off a train, is that truly so much to ask?” Luna complained, and then she sniffed loudly before grabbing the bag of chocolate, yanking a brick out of it and chewing loudly on it before she grinned up at Twilight Sparkle, saying mildly: “And 'tis rather disappointing, really. Some great brain thou art. If thou knew it was me all along, why subterfuge, why the game? Thou art sick, Twilight Sparkle. Thou art sick.” Twilight scowled at the sapphire mare, who looked back at her before she shrugged easily and grinned around at River Styx and Marina, asking cheerfully: “But at least 'twas fun, was it not? Now, unhoof me and we shall continue on our way. Let us leave Karl in the net, though. This is all Karl's fault.” “Actually...” Twilight looked at Luna and Luna frowned before she slowly turned to look at Twilight Sparkle... and then the sapphire mare gave a weak grin as a small, dangerous smile bridged Twilight's lips. A few moments later, the side door of the buffet car was booted open and Luna was thrown out of the speeding train, the mare yelling wildly and flailing in all directions before she landed in a bank of snow with a puff of white powder. Inside the car, Twilight slammed the door before she wiped her hooves off, all eyes staring at her before River Styx said meditatively: “I think I misjudged you when we first met.” “You can be a little scary.” Marina agreed as Shining Armor nodded fervently, and Twilight smiled and shrugged, but she seemed oddly pleased by this remark before she turned and strode over to Karl. With a flick of her horn, she lifted the shoddy net off the actor, and the Celestia-lookalike hopped up to her hooves and brushed herself off, sniffing loudly before she said grumpily: “Well, while I'm very happy to see that idiot ejected from the stage, I have to say, it was very, very rude of you to use me, me, an A-list actress, a supreme talent, to-” “Do you want to go check on Luna for me?” Twilight asked pointedly, and Karl winced a bit at what this implied, even the ever-brilliant mind of the A-lister able to figure out what Twilight meant. “Then please go sit down, Karl. After we get Scrivy, we can... well...” Twilight frowned a little: she wasn't exactly sure what they were going to do then. She bit her lip for a moment, then turned towards the others, asking curiously: “Marina, Styx, do either of you know anything about transdimensional magic?” The two looked at each other for a moment, and then River Styx shrugged before he said finally: “I've read theories on it. That's about it.” “Discord showed me a different world before. But I'm certainly no Draconequus, and even if I could mimic his magic, I'm not nearly powerful enough to open any kind of rift in reality.” Marina added, shaking her head briefly. “I do, I do!” Karl blurted, and Twilight frowned as she looked over her shoulder at the mare, who was waving her hoof wildly back and forth above her head and looking proud of herself before she declared: “I've seen the Critic do it many times backstage! Between plays, he and...” Karl shivered a little, looking nervously back and forth. “And the... chief backer of our little troupe, I suppose you would call him... they open all sorts of portals. Sometimes they send ponies home, other times they bring things here. Things that we need that the Draconequus can't produce themselves. Theater is very expensive, you know.” “Do you know where we are? Are we in Ginnungagap?” Twilight asked, and Karl looked blank. Neither Styx nor Marina were quite familiar with the term, either... and after a moment, the purple mare grimaced before asking again: “Are we near where the Draconequus come from?” “No, no. We're not in... Ginny's or whatever it's called or wherever the Draconequus come from. We're...” Karl bit her lip thoughtfully, tapping her front hooves together. “Oh, how did the last Director explain it to me... he said that there are a thousand little pockets like this throughout the universe. Spaces between spaces that aren't filled with space, something silly and poetic like that. He said that because we're not quite in one realm and not quite in another, that's why we don't get tired or need to eat, because the laws of physics don't apply. We can just act, act forever! Isn't that wonderful?” Karl sighed dreamily, swaying back and forth before she smiled brightly and tapped her own horn, adding proudly: “And this place, wherever we are, amplifies our natural abilities! Or at least so long as the Narrator and the Director agree. We actors, sadly, do have to listen to the theater company... although of course they can't stop us from performing whatever we want in front of the audience when the time is right!” Karl laughed loudly, and Twilight frowned a little before she stretched out her wings, looking back at them and studying them silently for a few moments. Then she closed her eyes and took a slow breath, concentrating... For a moment, she shivered... and then Marina could swear that she saw her body waver in and out of reality, like there was something else there, something trying to take form- The Director appeared out of thin air, tackling Twilight to the ground and knocking her flat with a squawk as he slapped at her wildly, babbling: “Nononono! Don't do that, don't do that! You'll get the attention of The Redacted and then we'll all end up in trouble!” Twilight blinked stupidly up at the Director, who wheezed in relief as he looked down at the perfectly-normal winged unicorn and she looked back up at him... before Karl singsonged loudly: “Director! I am ready to be given my next leading role!” “Oh my god why didn't I just let you get us all killed.” the Director mumbled, and then he sighed tiredly before he climbed off Twilight, turning around and looking at Karl for a few moments before he rubbed slowly at his face. “Karl, I... I don't have any roles for you to fill right now that suit your... uh...” “Majesty!” Karl supplied with a smile. “Majesty. Yes.” the Director said tiredly, and then he frowned a bit before he looked around, asking: “Did we lose an actor?” Twilight looked quickly around, and then she smiled as she saw Shining Armor had simply curled up on the floor, likely exhausted again from all the excitement. “No, he's right there, see? But I should be keeping a better eye on-” “No, I mean the idiot. Luna Brynhild.” the Director said absently... and then he winced and slapped his hooves over his muzzle before he swore furiously into them, paling as his eyes flicked wildly back and forth. Twilight looked with surprise at the Director, opening her mouth... and then a window exploded in a hail of glass and shrapnel, Styx wincing and immediately snapping his horn up to create a barrier in front of himself and Marina as Twilight shielded herself and Shining. Fortunately, it wasn't the terrible tentacles of The Redacted lashing in to viciously punish and prosecute the Director for his misstep, but instead Luna, who hammered into the Director and shoved a hoof down into his face, grinning widely as she declared: “Yes, that is my name! Brynhild! Oh, it feels good to say again!” The Director stared up at the mare, and then he slowly reached up and covered his face, because really, it was actually terribly unfortunate that it was this monster, who was far more terrible than the evils of The Redacted with her endless prattling and rambling and mockery. “Oh, silence, Narrator, I am very pleasant.” Luna complained, and then she shook herself briskly out, snowy powder and little pieces of glass hailing off her as she added: “Also, I took the liberty to peek ahead, and there seems to be some great tower in the distance. 'Tis not at all what I expected. It looks like some sort of keep.” “Ooh, a castle must have a ruler! I demand to be made the ruler of the castle, Director, that sounds like an excellent role for me!” Karl exclaimed immediately, waving a hoof back and forth before she scowled suddenly, adding moodily: “And I think that it is only fitting you honor this one request after the nonsense I have been forced to go through in the company of this... this cretin! Director, I want to discuss a complaint I have about these... these amateurs, and in particular, this one hack.” Luna huffed loudly at this, the two glaring at each other before the sapphire mare rose a hoof and threatened: “Aye, I shall hack. I shall hack thee. My hoof shall hack thy face when it makes it hoof party in thy face's house.” “God why do you have to have a catchphrase?” the Director groaned, grabbing at his head before he sluggishly clambered to his hooves, the Draconequus' dragon tail flicking back and forth as he visibly weighed his options with both Luna and Karl glaring at him and each other. Finally, the stallion said tiredly: “Alright, Karl. Come with me, let's get you set up in your... new role... and of course you can discuss all your problems with me. Every single one you have. With everything. Since I know you must have all kinds of complaints.” “Oh, I do. I do indeed.” Karl rose her head high, adding contritely: “And on top of that list is that I am Karla, Director! Karla! Gender neutral pronouns, feminine nouns, and-” “And don't forget the butter. Yes.” the Director mumbled miserably, visibly deflating further before he looked grumpily over at Luna Brynhild. “Please keep yourself entertained for ten minutes.” “Then Scrivy?” Luna asked, as Twilight looked up as well. “Then Scrivy.” the Director confirmed, before he looked at Marina and Styx and Shining Armor. He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to tell them something, something important... but then Karl tapped impatiently on his shoulder, the actor d'el excellence clearing her throat loudly, and the Director only sighed tiredly and grumbled: “Good luck.” With that, the Draconequus turned and grasped Karl by the foreleg before they both simply vanished from sight, and Luna smiled wryly as she traded a look with Twilight Sparkle, only glad that it finally felt like they were going somewhere... and the mare more pleased than she could say that once again, she was finally able to speak her own name.