//------------------------------//
// Two and a Half Ponies 
// Story: The Wandering Physicist Adventures 
// by WanderingPhysicist 
//------------------------------//

Main Characters: Twilight, Pinkie, Rei
Cameos: TWP, The Doctor (10, 11), River Song, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, CMC, Celestia, Luna, Stormy, Inkie, Image, Lucas
Original Write Date: 03/28/2012





    Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie stand on either side of Rei as they watch The Wandering Physicist pack some bags into his TARDIS. The three ladies all mope as their guy gets ready to leave. The Wandering Physicist puts one last bag in the TARDIS then turns to the group.
    ‘Now. Shall we go over the rules one more time?’
    Rei and Pinkie moan, but Twilight nods her head enthusiastically.
    ‘Okay. With the shopping we did beforehand, Rei should have enough food while I am gone. If she runs out, I have left some money in my room. Just enough to feed her a year’s worth of foie gras, but knowing the way she eats...’
    Rei beams at the comment.
    ‘Lucas will handle all of the downstairs security during the day and at closing. The neighbors have been notified to say on watch as well. I just need you to make sure Rei is eating well, doing her homework and not playing too many video games. If Stormy and Inkie come over, make sure they do their work as well. If anything breaks or Rei gets in trouble, just leave it for when I get back, and I will take care of it.’
    Pinkie salutes. ‘Got it, boss!’
    ‘Also, no parties.’
    Twilight salutes. ‘Got it, boss!’
    The Wandering Physicist looks over his girls. ‘I should only be a week. I’ll be back before you know it. I hope you all can get along.’
    Pinkie grabs The Wandering Physicist around the neck and sobs. ‘Don’t leave us! We will never survive without you!’
    The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘Hooves itchy, back chilly and tail spiny.’
    Pinkie lets go and smiles. ‘You’re right. I am probably worrying for no good reason.’
    Pinkie kisses The Wandering Physicist before hopping back next to Rei. Twilight rolls her eyes before giving her coltfriend a hug.
    ‘I hope you have fun at your physics conference.’
    ‘You kidding? I am the keynote! Finally somepony appreciates my work studying the neutrino decay from type-II supernovae near quark stars.’
    Twilight sighs and shakes her head. ‘And you say the terms I use for my magic sound made-up.’
    The Wandering Physicist laughs. Twilight kisses her coltfriend and steps back. The Wandering Physicist looks over at Rei. The filly opens her mouth.
    ‘No, I am not going to let you find Trixie so you can stay with her.’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts. ‘And no, I am not going to take you out of school for a week just so you can visit Luna.’
    Rei sits in a huff, crosses her forelegs and looks away. The Wandering Physicist kisses his daughter on her forehead and heads to his TARDIS.
    ‘See you in a week!’
    The Wandering Physicist closes the doors and the time machine starts phasing away, leaving only the closet where it regularly hides. The Wandering Physicist manipulates the controls of his time machine, and it settles to a stop. He pops his head out and takes in his surroundings. He smiles when he notices his TARDIS is disguised as a video game cabinet. He steps out to take in his surroundings.
    Aliens of all sorts are filing past, but none seem to pay any attention to the wandering pony. The Wandering Physicist smiles as he sees a familiar face. He raises a hoof and waves.
    ‘Yo! Theta!’
    Another pony spins around, nearly dropping his fez. He waves and weaves his way through the crowds to his friend.
    ‘James! Fantastic to see you here,’ The Doctor greets, kissing off to the sides of his friend’s face then adjusting his bow tie.
    ‘Sweet Apple Acres?’
    ‘If what I am thinking hasn’t happened yet, wait until Apple Bloom is out of the house to avoid any awkward anatomy questions.’
    The Wandering Physicist turns bright red. ‘What?’
    The Doctor grimaces. ‘Right. You are very... linear... Uh... Nothing!’
    The Doctor adopts a large grin in an attempt to look innocent. The Wandering Physicist facehoofs and shakes his head.
    ‘You and your spoilers. Nice hat, by the way.’
    The Doctor dances slightly and adjusts the fez a bit. ‘Thank you. I figured I would be seeing you again and wanted to show my appreciation.’
    A loud gunshot rings out and blows the fez off The Doctor’s head. The two ponies turn to see a dark yellow earth pony with a curly red mane walking up. She puts a laser pistol into a holster.
    ‘Hello, Sweetie,’ River Song greets, with a wink towards The Doctor.
    ‘Damn it, River!’ The Wandering Physicist yells. ‘That was a gift.’
    ‘Good to see you too, James.’ River gets out a small notebook. ‘Been to Neighpon with the girls yet?’
    ‘Shut up!’ The Wandering Physicist snaps.
    ‘Actually River, what are you doing here?’ The Doctor asks.
    ‘I am giving the keynote for my find of the Ancient Mayan spaceship ten thousand light years from Earth.’ River gets out a letter.
    The Doctor gets out a letter too. ‘No, I am going to give a talk on my unique method of squaring a circle using a wheel of cheese and a bag of chips. Hint: You don’t eat the chips.’
    The Doctor and River exchange confused looks. They look at The Wandering Physicist.
    ‘My neutrino research.’
    The Doctor looks around nervously. ‘Did that sound like the perfect trap for a group of Time Lords to anypony else?’
    A light surrounds the three ponies, and they find themselves in a dark room. River instantly draws her pistol in her mouth and looks for targets. The two Time Lords draw their sonics and start scanning the area.
    The Doctor checks his sonic. ‘Great. Daleks.’
    The Wandering Physicist checks his results on his mobile. ‘And Cybers.’
    ‘Boys,’ River calls.
    ‘Can’t be. Battle of the Bassen Rift. They should be at peace.’
    The Wandering Physicist taps his mobile. ‘And Sontarans.’
    ‘Boys!’
    ‘Why would the Daleks and Cybers...’
    ‘And Silurians and Judoon and...’
    ‘BOYS!’
    The Doctor and The Wandering Physicist turn and look at River. A large force of bipedal creatures, some in blue armor, some in black armor, march toward the ponies. They uniformly level large rifles at the ponies.
    ‘RUN!’ The Doctor shouts and the ponies take off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Pinkie waits a couple moments after the TARDIS leaves before asking, ‘Is he gone?’
    Twilight opens the closet. ‘Yep.’
    Pinkie and Rei jump up and high hoof in midair. ‘PARTY!’
    ‘I’ll get the supplies if you get the Inkie,’ Pinkie says.
    Rei salutes, but a purple magical aura stops her and Pinkie from running off. Twilight steps in front of the other ponies.
    ‘No. We promised James that we wouldn’t have any parties. So no parties.’ Twilight nods to make her point.
    ‘He was only joking.’ Pinkie laughs. ‘You can’t take all of his “rules” so literally.’
    ‘The rules are there to make us act responsibly.’ Twilight sighs. ‘Of course you still have a problem with that.’
    ‘Hey!’ Pinkie snaps. ‘I am plenty responsible! Why else would James ask me to take care of Rei?’
    Twilight laughs. ‘You? He was asking me. The only reason you are here is because of your silly pact thing.’
    Pinkie growls. ‘We have that because of our depression. You would think somepony like you would understand.’
    Twilight gasps. ‘Well! You are not needed anymore. I’ll take care of Rei from here on out.’
    Pinkie grabs Rei. ‘No! I will take care of her. She needs more fun than your stupid rules.’
    ‘Oh please. We all know how good you are at taking care of other ponies.’
    Pinkie stomps her hooves. ‘Mr and Mrs Cake trust me with Pumpkin and Pound! I am a great caretaker.’ She smirks. ‘At least nopony I cared for ever went on a rampage through Ponyville or ran away from home.’
    Twilight gasps in shock and anger. ‘Don’t ever say I was a bad caretaker for Spike ever again!’
    ‘Don’t ever say I am irresponsible ever again!’
    ‘Um... gals...’
    Twilight and Pinkie snap their attention to Rei. The smaller pegasus cowers away from the angry mares. Both of the mares sigh, but they look back at each other angrily.
    ‘You want to try taking care of Rei? Fine,’ Twilight says. ‘But! We should work out a schedule so we each get a chance to care for her.’
    ‘Ugh,’ Pinkie moans. ‘You and your crazy schedules.’
    Twilight glares. ‘We schedule which days the other cares for her to see who does a better job: you or, more likely, me. That way whoever does a better job will clearly be the better mate for James.’
    Twilight nods at her plan while Pinkie thinks it over. Pinkie gets a crafty grin and extends a hoof.
    ‘Deal, but be prepared to mate with yourself because I am winning this.’
    Twilight shakes Pinkie’s hoof. ‘Bring it.’
    Rei just looks between the two mares, covers her head with her forelegs and moans.

    THUD! Rei moans as she wakes up on the ground. She does not remember falling asleep on the ground... this time. And why is her bed hanging in the air by magic? She reaches down and pats. Nope. All dry.
    ‘AHEM!’
    Rei looks over to see a slightly-blushing Twilight standing in her room. The princess lowers the bed back to its normal position.
    ‘If you are done with your morning recreation, you should get ready for school.’
    Rei stares up at Twilight then notices her hoof placement. ‘I don’t do that every morning. Just days when I have time.’ She looks a nearby clock. ‘Can I get some privacy?’
    Twilight turns red and uses her magic to yank Rei to her hooves. ‘You have a busy day ahead of you. You have no time to waste on that.’
    Rei turns her head to the side. ‘You can join me.’
    Twilight holds back her anger. ‘Your breakfast is getting cold! You don’t have much time to finish it before you double check your homework before you leave for class.’
    ‘AWWWW!’
    ‘The more you complain, the less time you have to eat breakfast.’
    ‘Or, I can not do the homework thing.’
    Twilight gasps, ‘Never! Homework is more important than eating or even sleeping! How dare you say such a thing!’
    Rei sighs and drags herself out of the room.
    Twilight thinks. ‘In fact, maybe you should skip breakfast altogether and check your homework. I mean, I did let you sleep in until seven.’
    Rei moans again. ‘At least my dad doesn’t have to put up with something this bad.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    The Wandering Physicist, The Doctor and River are pressed against the walls at either side of a hallway. The black armored bipeds are marching down the hall.
    ‘It is just Judoon.’ The Doctor says. ‘We just need a distraction, and we can probably trick them to either turning on our side or at least leaving.’
    ‘What exactly are you thinking?’ River asks.
    ‘He can jump out and shout “I am being a distraction.” That might work,’ The Wandering Physicist replies.
    ‘That is stupid!’ The Doctor shoots back.
    ‘That might work,’ River comments.
    ‘No, it is stupid.’
    ‘Oh, you have no sense of fun.’ River smirks at The Doctor. She draws her pistol and rounds the corner. ‘Look at me. I’m being a distraction.’
    The Judoon look at River and around at each other before leveling their rifles.
    ‘You are in violation of the Temporal Noninterference Act of...’
    ‘Wait!’ The Doctor spins around the corner. ‘The Temporal Noninterference Act only applies to giving time travel technologies to underdeveloped societies.’
    The Wandering Physicist steps out. ‘Exactly. It also only applies to technological, not magical time travel. You didn’t enforce the law when Star Swirl devised a time travel spell.’
    The Doctor spins around. ‘Obviously, we are ponies and therefore considered magical creatures under the law. You wouldn’t want to violate one law while mistakenly enforcing another.’
    The lead Judoon thinks. He lowers his rifle. The others follow suit.
    ‘This matter requires further legal consultation. We will get back to you in six to eight weeks with our verdict.’
    ‘We’ll be waiting.’ The Doctor smiles.
    The Judoon tap their chest and teleport away. The three ponies breathe a sigh of relief. River holsters her pistol.
    River turns to The Doctor. ‘The Temporal Noninterference Act has no provisions for magic, and it was written by Time Lords for Time Lords.’
    ‘We’ll find that out in six to eight weeks.’ The Doctor grins.
    River runs a hoof down The Doctor’s cheek. ‘Ooo. You’re a bad one.’
    The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘Ugh. Please tell me that is not what me and Twilight look like.’
    The Doctor and River look at each other. They both shake their heads with the utmost seriousness.

    Rei happily prances home after her day at school. She drops her saddlebag on the floor and happily trots towards the living room.
    ‘Where have you been!’ Twilight shouts from the kitchen. ‘You’re late!’
    Rei is confused. ‘We just got out a not too long ago...’
    ‘Right! And accounting for average travel time by trotting or flying, you are four minutes late.’
    ‘Sheesh. So I stopped to chat with Lucas on my way up here. Big deal.’
    ‘Big deal?!’ Twilight’s jaw drops. ‘You are losing valuable study time, little lady!’
    ‘Or, I can play video games until dinner.’
    Rei starts moving towards the living room, but Twilight unplugs all of the outlets.
    ‘Oh no. You are going to do your homework and study now. All this wasted time is coming out of your scheduled dinner time.’
    ‘What! First you try to cancel breakfast. Now you are attacking dinner. What do you have against food! You seem to like it enough!’
    Twilight glares. ‘Just for that, I am not going to make you my special tomato, daisy and sunflower sandwiches to go with your dinner. You are missing out on some very good brain food. Now get in here and study.’
    Rei groans. She picks up her bag and trots into the kitchen. She keeps grumbling as she gets out her books.
    ‘And stop slouching, young lady. It is not good for you.’

    Rei has had a very fitful night. All the studying and lack of food until Twilight left really strained Rei’s brain. Rei thinks Rei lost the ability to use pronouns. Rei blames Twilight. Fortunately, Rei was able to commandeer Rei’s dad’s bed. Rei really likes Rei’s dad’s bed, especially on stressful nights when Rei’s dad would comfort Rei and reassure Rei and shove Rei’s dad’s curly, pink mane in Rei’s face. Wait. Rei’s dad does not have a curly pink mane.
    Rei opens her eyes and gets a close-up view of Pinkie’s mane in her muzzle. The larger, pinker mare is laying across the smaller pegasus with her head on Rei’s chest. Rei has seen Pinkie do this many times with her father, but she is surprised to find Pinkie doing it now.
    ‘Pinkie?’ Rei asks.
    Pinkie yawns and wipes some drool from her face. She looks up and smiles at Rei.
    ‘Morning, sleepy head!’
    ‘What are you doing here?’ Rei yawns.
    ‘Well, I wanted to wake you up bright and early for this wonderful day! But you were all super sleepy and all tossy turny and wouldn’t wake up when I tried, so I guess I fell asleep on top of you.’ Pinkie giggles. ‘Inkie is right. You are cuddlyrific!’
    Rei blushes. ‘Inkie said that?’
    ‘Well, she was a little more descriptive and said it with a super blushy face, but yeah!’
    Rei blushes all over and tries to cover her huge grin with her hooves. She looks away to avoid Pinkie’s stare. She sees her mobile which she was using as a clock, as her father does not have one in his room. Her eyes go wide and she screams.
    ‘I’m late!’
    Pinkie gasps and grabs Rei. ‘Who did it! Was it Stormy! Was it when you licked his horn after he broke up with you? If it was, then I will have to change how I tease Rarity.’
    ‘No!’ Rei shouts as she throws Pinkie off the bed and rushes out of the room. ‘I overslept and class has already started.’
    ‘OH! That is good. I was afraid of what your dad would have said for a moment.’
    ‘Shut up! I need to get out of here. Now!’
    ‘Oh! Do you need a note? I am good at notes.’
    ‘Pinkie!’ Rei snaps. ‘Just... ARG! I have to go.’
    Rei growls, opens a window and flies out. Pinkie frowns and thinks how she can fix the situation. A lightbulb appears over her head.
    ‘Aha!’ She looks up and giggles. ‘Hee hee. LED. Saves electricity.’

    The Doctor is leading the group through a dark passage. River is bringing up the rear with her pistol ready. The Wandering Physicist is tapping away on his mobile.
    ‘James,’ The Doctor says. ‘May I ask you a question?’
    ‘Serious answer or my answer?’ James replies.
    ‘If you haven’t had that Sweet Apple Acres event, have you at least had the time where Big Macintosh caught you and chased you across town?’
    James groans and tries not to smash his mobile against his head. ‘Why do you have to spoil everything?’
    ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t understand how you can do everything in order like that.’
    ‘Theta, close your eyes. What do you see?’
    ‘Same thing as you. Everything.’
    ‘Right. And knowing my pseudonym, do you really think I really want to see that and have everything happening out of order?’
    The Doctor sighs. ‘You physicists and your damn symmetries.’
    The Wandering Physicist snorts. ‘You doctors and your... doctorness.’
    River groans. ‘You boys and your petty arguments.’
    Both Time Lords turn back and snort. ‘Archeologist.’
    All three ponies glare at each other. A loud hiss fills the tunnels. Thin, bipedal reptilian shapes dart around in the darkness. Six ears shoot into the air as the three ponies as they look around.
    ‘Running?’ The Doctor suggests.
    James groans. ‘This never happens when I go to PAX.’

    Rei drags herself upstairs on her she return home. She is annoyed about arriving late and missing a class. She is hungry since Stormy and Image were jerks and did not let her steal their lunches. She just wants to... SQUEEEEEEE! Son of a bi...
    Pinkie lowers her noise maker. ‘Welcome home!’
    ♬
    Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
    You are safe at home!
    Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
    Now you can rest your cute little dome!
    Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
    Did you have a happy day?
    Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
    I am so glad to see our precious little Rei!
    ♪
    Pinkie ends her song with a large smile. Rei forces a smile in return.
    ‘Hi Pinkie.’
    ‘You were looking a little down and frazzled this morning so I wanted to bring back that cute little big smile you had when you woke up.’
    Rei perks up. ‘Is Inkie here!’
    ‘Sorry. She had a lot of work to do with Twilight today since Miss Prissy Pants says that taking care of you yesterday put her behind in her work.’
    ‘Oh...’ Rei pouts. ‘Can we invite Stormy and Image over?’
    ‘Aw! I just wanted to have a girl’s night in for the two of us. Doesn’t that sound fun!’
    Rei sighs. ‘Yes, Pinkie. Loads of fun.’

    ‘AHEM!’
    Once again Rei wakes to a really loud, really rude throat clearing. The first thing she does is reach for her mobile to check the time. Luna-damnit, Twilight! At least let us sleep until six. The half-asleep Rei looks over at Twilight and tries making her argument in the ancient language of yawn. Judging by Twilight’s scowl, she either does not speak yawn or did not want to listen to reason.
    ‘What are you doing in James’ bed?’ Twilight snaps.
    ‘Daddy lets me sleep here all the...’
    ‘Not you, Rei. Her!’
    Twilight points at the slowly waking Pinkie Pie on top of Rei. Pinkie blinks several times before realizing what is going on.
    ‘Twilight? Why are you here so early?’
    ‘Early! I have been up for almost an hour. I am here to make sure that Rei gets the best care that she deserves.’
    ‘By waking her up at Celestia-awful o’clock in the morning? We were up all night partying. At least let us sleep in.’
    Twilight gasps. ‘You broke a rule!’
    ‘Calm down. It was just the two of us.’ Pinkie settles down on top of Rei. ‘Now if you’ll excuse us.’
    ‘Oh no!’ Twilight magics the two ponies out of bed. ‘You are not going to use this as an excuse to be in MY coltfriend’s bed.’
    ‘YOUR coltfriend!’ Pinkie gasps. ‘Oh no no no. I’ve known him longer. If anything, he is mine!’
    The two mares butt heads and growl at each other. Rei looks back and forth between the two combatants. She opens her mouth to speak.
    ‘Rei. Your breakfast is on the table,’ Twilight growls. ‘I’ll be there in a bit once we settle some things.’
    Rei looks back and forth between the two mares before sighing and walking out of the room. As soon as she closes the door behind her, the shouting begins.

    A sharp jab in the back wakes Rei at the end of class. She looks behind her at a concerned Stormy.
    ‘You okay?’ Stormy asks. ‘You have been out of it in every class so far, and you even fell asleep for a bit just now.’
    ‘I’m fine,’ Rei yawns. ‘I just need some lunch or something.’
    ‘Hey,’ Image interrupts. ‘I made extra today if you need some.’
    ‘Me too,’ Stormy adds. ‘Carousel Boutique is doubling as a backup Sugarcube Corner today since I made Rei-sized snacks for you.’
    ‘Aww. You’re both so sweet.’ Rei smiles at her friends.
    ‘No. They are literally Rei-sized,’ Stormy explains. ‘Which is pretty easy to do since you’re so short.’
    The thought of eating her weight in herself overpowers dwelling on the height insult in Rei’s mind. She just hugs her friends and heads to lunch. A sharp whistle cuts the group off.
    ‘Rei. Can I speak with you?’
    Rei groans at the delayed lunch. She turns to go back and talk with Heartstrings-sensei. She sits by the desk as Lyra leans back in her chair and puts her hind legs up.
    ‘Now, Rei. What am I going to do with you? I want to punish you for sleeping in class, but your snoring was the most in-tune you were this whole semester.’
    ‘Gomen nasai, Heartstrings-sensei,’ Rei pouts.
    Lyra frowns at her student. ‘Do you want me to talk with Twilight and Pinkie to see if they can give you a little space?’
    Rei adopts a halfhearted smile. ‘They are not that bad...’
    The door to the classroom bursts open and Pinkie sticks her head in.
    ‘Rei! There you are. I saw that meager lunch that Snooty McSnooterson made for you so I had to make it up to you, so I filled the cafeteria with Jell-O™! You know. Just like we talked about last night. Doesn’t that show that we get along well? You’ll tell your dad, right? Oh! I better get there before it is all eaten.’
    Pinkie gallops away. Rei turns back to face Lyra. She is forcing back tears.
    ‘They’re not that...’
    Lyra puts a hoof on Rei’s shoulder. ‘You don’t have to put up with them. If they don’t leave you alone, you can always come to me. What is a teacher for?’
    Rei frowns and nods. She slowly gets up and heads out to see what trouble Pinkie caused.

    James, The Doctor and River stand back-to-back-to-back as they make their way away from a number of animate statues. The statues look like stone pegasi, except they have the most frightening expressions. The lights in the room flicker and when they do, the creatures advance.
    ‘I think you made them mad when you got them to say “comfy chairs,” Doctor,’ River shouts.
    The Doctor laughs to himself. ‘Comfy chairs.’
    ‘I think we’re at a dead end.’ James says.
    ‘Oh, we’re not that bad off.’ The Doctor assures.
    James turns around. ‘No. Literally. We are at a wall.’
    ‘Okay, boys, any bright ideas?’
    ‘Without a crack in space-time? No.’ The Doctor replies. ‘Maybe the physicist can physics a solution.’
    James thinks while joining his friends in watching the Angels. ‘They are only quantum locked when observed, right? I guess that means we need some observables.’
    The Doctor thinks. ‘Oh. You’re an ass.’
    ‘Thank you.’ James beams and turns to River. ‘Going to need to borrow your scanner.’
    James takes River’s scanner and starts sonicing it.
    ‘What are you doing?’
    ‘An observable is anything that can be measured, right? It can be as big as a galaxy or as small as a photon. Any time there is any sort of quantum interaction, a whole slew of observables are created as virtual particles. I am setting your scanner to become a zero-point generator. It will create a photonic shell around itself and use that to trap virtual particles particles to power itself. Unfortunately for anything in the field, it will draw energy from them as well, if only femto-eVs at a time. I use them to replace batteries since you can never find the right-sized battery when you need one.’
    ‘So you’re going to make my scanner into a giant battery and drain the life out of the Angels using imaginary particles?’ River asks.
    ‘No. Virtual. They are not imaginary. Well, some have imaginary components in certain vector spaces... There!’
    James activates the scanner and slides it into the middle of the group of Weeping Angels. All the Angels become visible and freeze in place. James laughs at his work. The group starts navigating their way through the Angels. Suddenly, loud Neighponese music starts playing. The Doctor and River almost bump into Angels out of surprise.
    ‘Oh right. I needed something to drain the battery when it got too full,’ James explains. ‘So, I hooked it up to my playlists. Give them something good to listen to.’
    ‘You really are an ass.’ The Doctor comments.
    James just laughs as he makes his way through the Angels.

    Rei barely has the energy to make it up the stairs when she gets home. Pinkie’s antics at lunch caused Rei to miss valuable rest time. Her other teachers were less generous than Lyra about Rei’s situation as well. On top of that, Rei rushed home since she knew that Twilight would be waiting for her, and she wanted to actually have dinner this time. At the top of the stairs, she finds Twilight and Pinkie in another shouting match. It must be a bad one since Pinkie’s hair is flat by the time Rei arrives.
    ‘... and it made a lot of other ponies happy too!’ Pinkie shouts.
    ‘That doesn’t change the fact that you destroyed the high school cafeteria! You acted irresponsibly!’
    ‘Stop using that word! If you actually found time in your damn schedule to make her a bucking lunch, then I wouldn’t have had to make it up to her.’
    ‘She has plenty of time in the evening before bed to make her lunch in advance. I know that she is quite capable if you give her a chance.’
    ‘Then give her a chance to do her own homework. You have yet to find one wrong answer and she even outsmarts you at times too.’
    ‘Hey! I just don’t want my future step-daughter to get bad grades and be held back. I am being responsible.’
    ‘I will not have you talk about my little Rei like that! She is not your kid and never will be.’
    ‘URUSAI! URUSAI! URUSAI!!!’ Rei shouts as loud as she can.
    The two mares stop fighting and stare at Rei. They swear she somehow tapped into the Royal Canterlot Voice with the shout. The smaller pegasus is seething where she stands. Her wing tips appear black. She is so upset she starts to cry.
    ‘You two don’t care about me at all! You only care about who will look better to otoo-san. If you want my opinion, neither of you do! I hopes he dumps both of you! ... Into a black hole!’
    Both mares stare in shock. Simultaneously, they take a step forward to comfort the upset filly.
    ‘YAMETE!’ Rei shrieks. An electrical force field surrounds her, blows out a nearby light and scorches up the walls and floor. ‘Don’t come near me! I hate you!’
    ‘Rei... We just want to help,’ Twilight says.
    ‘We didn’t mean to hurt you,’ Pinkie adds.
    ‘Shut up! Urusai! I don’t want to see you again!’  Rei’s yells cut the two mares deep. ‘Since you won’t leave my house, I guess I will have to!’
    Rei turns around and flies out of the house, leaving an electrical trail to dissipate in her wake. The two mares stare in shock before jumping to action.
    ‘Get downstairs and tell Lucas what is going on. I am going to go look for her,’ Twilight says.
    ‘Why should I tell Lucas? It is your fault!’
    ‘How is this my fault? She was clearly looking at you the whole time.’
    ‘If she was, then it was only because she wanted to see a friendly face.’
    ‘My face is much friendlier than yours!’
    ‘Yeah right. You didn’t even know the meaning of friendly until after I met you!’
    ‘At least all of my childhood friends weren’t a pile of rocks!’
    SLAP! Pinkie’s fierce backhoof leaves a large red mark across Twilight’s face. The edge of Pinkie’s hoof even cuts Twilight’s face a bit and draws some blood. The two mares lock eyes in the fiercest of glares.
    ‘Fine. We both look for her. The loser meets the hero back here later,’ Twilight snarls.
    ‘Fine. We’ll be waiting for you.’
    Pinkie turns and starts heading downstairs. Twilight bumps Pinkie into the wall and goes down first.

    James sits against a computer console. He stares at his mobile and sighs. River walks up and drops a Cyberpony helmet beside the stallion. She looks down at the sad stallion.
    ‘The Doctor is on his way. He is just downloading the rest of the Cyber Controller.’
    James looks up. ‘Huh? Okay. Got their mainframe here.’ He taps the computer.
    River sits next to James and peeks at his mobile. ‘Missing them?’
    ‘Yeah,’ James sighs. ‘I left Rei with Twilight and Pinkie. I am just imagining them sitting around and having fun and just being the best of friends.’
    ‘You love them, don’t you?’
    ‘More than you love Theta. And you’re actually married.’
    ‘Not too loud. He might hear.’ Seeing that the coast is clear, River punches James in the shoulder. ‘So, when am I getting the invite you your wedding?’
    James blushes and looks away. ‘Shut up.’
    ‘More importantly, which of them are you going to marry?’ She thinks for a second. ‘Though technically, one is rem...’
    James growls. ‘Do you want to know when your worst day finally comes?’ -- River shakes her head -- ‘Then drop it, okay?’
    River laughs. ‘A response like that is why they love you.’

    A knock on the front door brings Bon Bon out of the kitchen. Lyra pops her head out of her study, ending the lyre composing that filled the house. Bon Bon looks at her wife. They exchange confused shrugs, and Bon Bon opens the door. A sobbing Rei is standing on the other side. Bon Bon escorts the filly inside and gives her a hug.
    ‘What is wrong, dear?’ Bon Bon asks.
    ‘Twilight and Pinkie were on the warpath, right?’ Lyra snorts.
    Rei nods.
    Lyra growls. She looks over at Bon bon. ‘I told her she could come here if she needed a place to get away from them.’
    Bon Bon hugs Rei again. ‘Well, she is always safe here.’ She lets Rei go. ‘I’ll get the guest room ready for you. Just get comfy here. There are sweets in the fridge.’
    Rei nods and finds a place to sit down. Lyra rubs Rei’s back and comforts the young pegasus.

    Pinkie paces in the alley behind The Power Block. There is a bright flash as Twilight teleports to the area. Twilight looks around and scowls.
    ‘I thought you would accomplish as much.’
    ‘Shut up!’ Pinkie snaps. ‘It looks like your magic was as effective as ever.’
    ‘If you were a little more responsible...’
    ‘If you were less of a prissy pants...’
    ‘If you stopped to think for once...’
    ‘If you could loosen up a bit...’
    ‘Hyperactive twit!’
    ‘Stuck-up bitch!’
    Twilight gasps. She has never heard Pinkie use that sort of language before. The calm and rational Twilight is put off by that sort of behavior and would never respond in kind. Unfortunately, the fiery and irrational Twilight is steering this ship.
    ‘Guy-stealing whore!’
    Pinkie is literally knocked backwards by the outburst. Pinkie knows that Twilight is very upset, and they need to calm the heated emotions. Maybe have some cupcakes and share a good laugh... Or they can fight it out!
    Pinkie growls, puts her head down, and rams Twilight as hard as she can. Twilight picks herself up and fires a magical bolt that knocks Pinkie into a wall. The two mares butt their heads together.
    ‘Why do you have to be such an insufferable blockhead!’ Twilight shouts.
    ‘Me! You are the joyless fussy-britches here!’ Pinkie yells back.
    ‘In all of the time I have known you, you have been nothing but a pain in everypony’s side. You never listen to reason, and you always screw everything up with your careless attitude!’
    ‘Well, you have tried sucking the fun out of everything everypony has done! Everything has to be organized and scheduled and managed six-ways from Sunday in every direction except the right one with you. If I try to make you have fun, it is because you have a stick up your ass so big it makes the Yggdrasil look like a twig!’
    ‘Excuse me! I’m the stuck-up one!? I am only being responsible. Somepony has to clean up all of the messes you cause. While you are out running around and being a nutter, somepony has to make sure there is actually and Equestria left standing once you are done.’
    ‘And which one of us destroyed Ponyville with parasprites?’
    ‘That only happened one time!’
    ‘And who almost got us eaten by a hydra?’
    ‘It was because of your damn Pinkie Sense!’
    ‘And you were the one that activated it!’
    ‘At least I didn’t try selling out my friends to Discord for some chocolate milk rain!’
    ‘I never switched everypony’s cutie marks and changed everypony’s destiny!’
    With emotions at their peak, the calm and rational Twilight Sparkle and friendly and caring Pinkie Pie would choose their words really carefully or else they could lose a friend forever.
    ‘I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!’ both of the mares shout.
    Twilight and Pinkie start storming away in opposite directions. Pinkie stops and shudders all over.
    ‘Whoa. Another doozy.’
    Twilight sighs. ‘Not more Pinkie Sense crap again.’
    ‘You used to believe,’ Pinkie growls.
    ‘Anything to shut you up.’
    ‘Fine. Then be here two days from now and see that something extraordinarily amazing is going to happen.’
    ‘Fine. And when nothing happens, I hope you will give up that stupid nonsense once and for all.’
    Both mares snort at each other again and go their separate ways.

    Twilight teleports into the library. Spike and Inkie come out of their rooms to see their friend.
    ‘Did you find her? Is she safe?’ Spike asks.
    ‘No. We didn’t find her.’ Twilight growls.
    ‘Poor Rei-chan.’ Inkie frowns.
    Twilight glares over to Inkie. ‘Spike, go back to our room. I want to talk to Inkie privately.’
    Spike nervously goes back to his and Twilight’s room. Twilight marches Inkie back into her room. The younger pony is really scared by Twilight’s behavior, especially when the princess magically slams and locks the door.
    ‘Where is she?’ Twilight growls.
    Inkie shrinks away. ‘How, how would I know?’
    ‘Don’t give me that crap!’ Twilight yells. ‘You are her fillyfriend! Tell me!’
    ‘I really don’t know!’ Inkie cries. ‘Honest!’
    Twilight grabs Inkie with her magic and forces the younger pony into the wall. ‘Don’t lie to me! That is all your family does! Lies and trouble! Tell me where Rei is now!’
    Inkie winces in pain. ‘You’re... hurting me.’
    Twilight throws Inkie to the floor. Inkie cowers under Twilight as the princess steps over her.
    ‘You’re as useless and pathetic as your sister,’ Twilight growls. ‘When she contacts you, tell me first or that will be the last time you talk to your sister.’ Her eyes and horn flash with a dark purple aura. ‘And don’t you dare defy your princess’ command.’
    Twilight teleports away. Inkie curls up on the floor and starts sobbing.

    Pinkie is at Fluttershy’s cottage. She angrily paces while Fluttershy is torn between helping or hiding from her friend. All the animals that normally fill and surround the cottage are hiding.
    ‘The nerve of her!’ Pinkie shouts. ‘Calling me irresponsible and careless! How many years has it been?’
    ‘Oh I don’t...’ Fluttershy starts.
    ‘Too many! That is how long!’ Pinkie replies to herself. ‘I wasted too many years on that pony! I tried showing her how to have fun, but she is too stupid to understand! All of the other royals, even Chrysalis, know how to have fun!’
    ‘Pinkie, don’t you think you are over...’
    ‘Overreacting! If anything I am underreacting!’
    Fluttershy decides the right action is to hide behind the couch until Pinkie calms down. The door to the cottage opens and somepony enters.
    ‘What is going in here?’ Rainbow Dash demands. ‘It sounds like a war.’
    ‘Oh, Rainbow Dash!’ Fluttershy cries. ‘Pinkie has gone crazy!’
    ‘Me?!’ Pinkie gasps. ‘I have gone sane! It is Twilight who is crazy! Crazy again!’
    ‘Okay...’ Rainbow Dash flies over to Fluttershy. She leans down and whispers, ‘Hide your rocks, your flour and all of your lint.’
    ‘We don’t have time for a party!’ Pinkie yells. ‘Except for a search party. I need you pegasuseseseses to help me find Rei. I need your crazy weird cloud powers to search the sky. We have to find her before Twilight does!’
    ‘And for those of us late to the party?’ Rainbow Dash asks.
    ‘Arg! Don’t you know anything!’ Pinkie roars. ‘Whoever finds Rei, wins James’ heart! Celestia-damn it! Am I surrounded by foals!’
    Pinkie screams again and storms out of the cottage. Rainbow Dash helps Fluttershy out of hiding. Fluttershy gives her friend a hug and a nuzzle to ease her nerves. Rainbow Dash returns the hug.

    ‘Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha!’
    The loud war chant fills the Sontaran base. The Sontarans are standing around a map of the base and the surrounding complexes.
    ‘Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha! Sontar-Ha!’
    Two voices in the chanting are different than the others. The Sontarans stop and turn toward the off chanting. The Doctor and James continue their chanting. The Doctor is first to notice the attention. He nudges James, and the other pony stops as well. The Sontarans level their weapons at the intruders.
    ‘Hello!’ The Doctor greets.
    The lead Sontaran steps forward. ‘We have captured you for the glory of the Sontaran Empire. State your intentions before we kill you.’
    ‘Actually, we just needed you to turn around so our friend could sneak up on you,’ The Doctor replies.
    The Sontarans all spin around to face their attacker, but they find nopony. Shots ring out and laser bolts shoot over The Doctor’s and James’ head and hit the Sontarans in their weak point at the back of their necks. The Sontarans scream and fall. River blows the smoke from her gun and steps up to the other ponies.
    ‘Good distraction, boys’
    ‘Excellent sneaking. You could give Lyra tips on subtlety.’
    The Doctor studies the map. ‘Looks like there is only one major area left.’
    ‘Three guesses who we find there,’ James grumbles.
    River checks the charge on her gun. ‘No time like the present.’
    ‘Right! Geronimo!’

    Rei is trying to sleep in the guest bed at Lyra and Bon Bon’s house. The recent events make it hard to sleep. She moans and checks the time on her mobile. Only about a hour to sunrise. The mobile illuminates something else in the room. Rei looks over and sees somepony else in the room. She screams and tries to hide. Lyra illuminates the room with her magic. She had apparently been writing notes with her hooves.
    ‘Just keep doing what you were doing. It is good data,’ Lyra says.
    Rei covers her head under the blankets as Lyra puts her magic out.

    After school, the Cutie Mark Crusaders head to their clubhouse. The whole town is buzzing about Rei’s disappearance and Twilight and Pinkie’s battle to find her. The three young fillies are talking about the recent events.
    ‘Think about it.’ Scootaloo says. ‘If we find her, we can get our cutie marks in saving ponies and become heroes too!’
    ‘CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PONY RESCUERS! YAY!’ the group cheers.
    The fillies rush into the clubhouse to plan their search. Inside, they find a large pile of apple cores from the surrounding orchard and a sleeping white pegasus. The fillies gasp and immediately check to see if they got their cutie marks. They frown and moan when nothing appears. Rei groans and rolls over.
    ‘I don’t feel good.’ The older filly moans.
    ‘Ah’ll say,’ Apple Bloom comments as she kicks the pile of apple cores. ‘It looks ya ate three trees’ worth o’ apples and we ain’t nowhere near harvest yet.’
    Sweetie Belle trots over and examines Rei. ‘Gals, she doesn’t look too good.’
    ‘With all of the fighting, I tried going to Lyra-sensei for help, but I couldn’t sleep and she kept me up all night. Then the poison apples...’
    ‘Hey!’ Apple Bloom protests.
    ‘Maybe she caught The Gay from Lyra,’ Scootaloo says. ‘My dad says it is very infectious. That is why we can’t go to Bon Bon’s shop. Ever.’
    ‘If that were how it works, ya must go there all the time,’ Apple Bloom mumbles to herself.
    ‘What was that!’
    ‘Nothin’! Or it would be if ya didn’ try kissin’ us every ten seconds.’
    ‘I told you, the one time was an accident and the other time was for science.’
    ‘Inkie once tested some plants that made her very kissy for science.’ Rei comments.
    ‘See! It is perfectly normal!’ Scootaloo turns with a huff.
    ‘Anyway. Is there anything we can do to help you?’ Sweetie Belle asks Rei.
    ‘Well, I could use something to drink. I finished off all of the juice you had hidden under the floorboards.’
    ‘My secret stash!’ Scootaloo cries.
    ‘And can you not tell Twilight, Pinkie or Lyra I am here? They scare me.’
    ‘We have your back,’ Sweetie Belle assures. ‘Come on, gals! We can try for our nursing cutie marks again!’
    Sweetie Belle gallops away with Apple Bloom in tow. Scootaloo goes over to Rei and glares.
    ‘That wasn’t juice, you know.’
    Rei smiles and gives a drunken hiccup. ‘I know. Why do you think I can’t stand right now?’
    Scootaloo growls again. ‘If my dad knew I took them, he would be mad, too.’
    ‘You’re cute when you’re grumpy.’
    Scootaloo blushes and backs away. Rei leans up for a kiss, but the booze kicks in again and she passes out. Scootaloo sighs and chases after her friends.

    The Doctor, River and James follow a Dalek down a corridor. A pair of Daleks stand behind the Time Lords, and Daleks stand guard every few meters down the corridor. The group reaches a room where a white Dalek is waiting.
    ‘We have captured The Doctor and his allies.’ The white Dalek states. ‘We have victory! We have our revenge!’
    ‘That is one way of looking at it,’ The Doctor shrugs.
    ‘Doctor, they have us surrounded and if I could get my gun, we’d be dead before I get a shot off.’ River replies.
    ‘Stop taking their side!’ The Doctor shouts.
    ‘We were defeated once before by The Doctor and The Wandering Physicist,’ the Dalek states. ‘Prepare for your defeat.’
    ‘I don’t think we really defeated them.’ James starts.
    ‘Yeah. That was more your little massacre, not mine. … For once.’ The Doctor chimes in.
    ‘Who planted the bombs on all of their ships?’ James protests.
    ‘Exactly.’ The Doctor replies.
    The two Time Lords laugh at the joke. River sighs and drops her head.
    ‘Silence!’ The Dalek shouts.
    ‘Where!’ The Doctor and James jump and look around.
    ‘Boys! Important!’ River snaps.
    ‘Oh, right,’ James realizes. ‘We’re really in a situation aren’t, we Doctor.’
    ‘Quite the situation. Absolutely no way out,’ The Doctor replies.
    ‘No allies.’
    ‘No clever plans.’
    ‘No secret weapons.’
    ‘No TARDIS.’
    ‘No mobile linked to the central mainframe and a hoof on the self-destruct button,’ James holds up his mobile. ‘Wait. We have one of those.’
    James presses the button. Alarm klaxons start sounding. The Daleks start panicking and advance on the Time Lords.
    ‘EXTERMINATE!’
    ‘Hold it! Hold it!’ The Doctor calls. ‘You can either exterminate us or use your last moments to try and escape.’
    The Daleks look at each other. The white one hovers away, but the drones stay put. Once the white Dalek is gone, the drones cover the retreat. The white Dalek stops and turns back.
    ‘You have sealed your fate. Without your time machine, you are stuck here.’
    The Daleks continue their escape with their weapons still trained on the ponies.
    ‘Don’t worry! I have an app for that!’ James calls.
    James presses another button, and a video game cabinet starts materializing behind the ponies. James gives the Daleks a salute as he and the others escape into the TARDIS.

    Later in the afternoon, Sweetie Belle is in Rarity’s kitchen doing her homework with Stormy. After getting some food and blankets for Rei, she had to come home or else she could get in trouble for being out too late. The older unicorn is helping Sweetie Belle with some of her maths homework when Rarity and a still furious-looking Pinkie enter the room. Sweetie Belle squeaks and tries hiding. Stormy sighs and gets up.
    ‘Fine. Let’s get this over with.’ Stormy grumbles. He steps into the next room with the two mares. ‘By the way, last pony to beat the crap out of me was far drunker, but not nearly as frightening as you, Pinkie.’
    ‘Shut up!’ Pinkie snaps.
    After giving the older ponies a moment, Sweetie Belle gets up and sneaks over beside the doorway. She peeks around, using all of the eavesdropping skills she learned from her sister and as Gabby Gums.
    ‘Pinkie. I haven’t seen her since you filled the school with gelatin,’ Stormy groans.
    ‘You know all of her hiding spots, so tell me!’ Pinkie demands.
    Stormy groans again. ‘She never had a reason to hide before now. Besides, can’t you ask Inkie? She knows as much as I do.’
    Pinkie growls. ‘For some reason Inkie-Doodles isn’t talking to me, and she screams and cries when I try talking to her.’
    ‘Oh dear,’ Rarity gasps.
    ‘Sorry. I can’t help there either.’ Stormy shrugs.
    ‘I will find her first no matter who gets in my way,’ Pinkie growls as she storms out of the house.
    Sweetie Belle sweats in her hiding place. She makes sure the coast is clear and sneaks out the back of the house.

    Past dark, Twilight is in Applejack’s house magically scanning every surface. She has not caused any destruction, but she is getting on everypony’s nerves. Applejack stands off to the side while her friend searches. Apple Bloom is hiding in the next room, watching the search.
    ‘Are y’all ‘bout done?’ Applejack asks. ‘We have t’ start cookin’ dinner soon.’
    ‘My magic traced her to this area,’ Twilight replies. ‘Once I am done searching the house and the barn, I am going to need your help combing the orchards.’
    ‘Ah ain’t letting y’all near mah orchards if yer not gonna calm down a bit.’
    ‘Calm! This is no time for calm! A pony’s life is on the line!’
    ‘Rei can take care o’ hersel...’
    ‘Not her! Me! If I don’t find her, James will think I am as irresponsible as Pinkie! He will never want to see me again. He may even leave the planet and go to the opposite end of the universe to avoid me. I can’t let that happen!’
    ‘Yeah... That don’ sound like him.’
    Twilight groans. ‘What do you know? It is not like you like for him as much as I do.’
    Applejack blushes and looks away. ‘Well, uh...’
    ‘ARG! She’s not here. Time to check the barn.’
    Twilight teleports out of the house. Applejack sighs and shakes her head. Apple Bloom comes out of hiding and goes to the door.
    ‘And where d’ ya think yer goin’?’ Applejack catches her sister.
    ‘Oh, uh...’ Apple Bloom thinks as fast as possible. ‘Ah was gonna watch the orchard in case Twilight starts causin’ more trouble.’
    ‘Hmm...’ Applejack thinks. ‘That ain’t that bad of an idea. Y’all go ahead. Ah’m gonna get our brother and join ya.’
    Apple Bloom nods and heads out the door. She looks to make sure nopony is watching before galloping to the clubhouse.

    Sweetie Belle skids to a stop at to the clubhouse right as Apple Bloom arrives. The two fillies take a moment to catch their breath.
    ‘We have to warn Rei!’ both fillies shout.
    ‘Pinkie is searching everywhere!’ Sweetie Belle shouts. ‘I think she is using her weird sense to help her.’
    ‘Twilight’s magically trackin’ her,’ Apple Bloom adds. ‘She’s in the orchard now!’
    Both fillies scramble up the ladder and barge into the clubhouse. Rei and Scootaloo are already waiting.
    ‘Hey.’ Rei nervously greets. ‘Scootaloo already warned me. Thanks, you three.’
    Rei leans over and kisses each of the fillies on the forehead. Sweetie Belle grimaces and sticks her tongue out. Scootaloo smiles. Apple Bloom blushes and smiles a bit. Scootaloo smiles at her friend.
    ‘You should run before they get here,’ Rei warns.
    ‘Too late...’ Apple Bloom says as she looks out a window.
    There is a bright flash as Twilight teleports into the area. Moments later, Pinkie gallops into the clearing around the clubhouse. The two mares instantly lock glares on each other. They simultaneously break the standoff by turning to the clubhouse.
    ‘Rei, please come out,’ both mares say at once. They shoot each other a quick glare. ‘I’m not mad at you.’ They turn and lock the glare. ‘Quit copying me!’
    ‘How did you even find her out here?’ Twilight asks. ‘Did your fake Pinkie Sense tell you or did you have to go to Madam Pinkie?’
    Pinkie growls. ‘Actually, my Pinkie Sense told me to come here hours ago. It took me so long because Inkie was extra sobby when I found her. Do you know why that is? Did you find your way out here because Applejack is back home caring for Apple Bloom?’
    ‘Ah’m all safe!’ Apple Bloom calls. ‘Fer now...’
    Twilight snorts. ‘See. I just followed her, and Inkie was just being indignant. I had to coax her cooperation.’
    Pinkie rams Twilight as hard as she can. ‘You beat up my little sister! Why shouldn’t I do the same to you?’
    Twilight uses her magic to force Pinkie back. ‘You wouldn’t because you always have somepony else to do your bidding. If it is not ponies randomly dropping flowers on me constantly you just summon some random disaster. I still have a sore leg from that chimera you tried befriending last month.’
    ‘It wouldn’t have gotten mad if you didn’t try to use your freaky magic on it. Besides, you are so lazy you just teleport everywhere anyway.’
    ‘It takes a lot of magic to teleport. That is more of a workout than I ever see you do.’
    Pinkie just snorts and turns away. ‘Rei, I’m sorry for all of the trouble. Let’s go home now.’
    Twilight growls and turns to the clubhouse. ‘Rei, I’m coming up. We can talk about this.’
    The alicorn tries teleporting, but a magical shield blocks her and she drops from the sky mid-teleportation. She tumbles backwards and ends up at Pinkie’s hooves. Both mares, and some nervous Cutie Mark Crusaders, look outside the clubhouse to see Princess Luna landing on top of the structure. If Luna looked as imposing as she does at this moment when she was Nightmare Moon, the Elements of Harmony might never have been reborn.
    ‘Thou art not to approach her!’ Luna shouts down at Twilight and Pinkie.
    ‘Mommy?’ Rei squeaks from her hiding place.
    Twilight and Pinkie cower and back away from the angry princess. There is a flash behind the two mares, and they bump into somepony. They turn to see Princess Celestia glaring down at them.
    ‘Spike very reluctantly informed me of the situation,’ Celestia states. ‘He seemed quite upset when he wrote me.’ She leans down to Twilight. ‘You and I are going to have a long talk later.’
    ‘But princess, I was just trying to...’ Celestia’s frown is enough to silence Twilight. ‘Yes, princess.’
    Celestia turns to Pinkie. ‘I would like to have some words with you too, Miss Pie.’
    ‘Princess Celestia... Let me explain...’ Twilight starts. ‘I was driven to act this way because of Pinkie’s behavior.’
    ‘Me! You were the one that was acting irrationally.’ Pinkie counters. ‘Don’t lie to the princess.’
    ‘How was I any bit irrational? You were the one that filled the school with...’
    ‘Because you weren’t feeding her enough! I never starved...’
    ‘She was not starved! I made perfectly proportioned meals that contained the right amount of vitamins and...’
    Pinkie groans and turns to Celestia. ‘Can you believe her? Thinking that’s what a growing filly need?’
    ‘And shoving a bakery down her throat every meal is?’
    ‘She got to have as much or as little as she wanted. Besides, we would play all of the extra calories off.’
    ‘And her homework got done when?’ Twilight shakes her head. ‘If you ever have foals, they are going to end up fat and stupid.’
    ‘Better than overstressed twigs.’ Pinkie looks Twilight over. ‘Of course, they can turn out like you and be overstressed blobs.’
    ‘Air-brained nitwit.’
    ‘Big stupid meanie!’
    ‘Vapid ignoramus!’
    ‘Those aren’t words!’
    ‘Yes, they are! You would know that if you had anything between your ears!’
    ‘Twilight Sparkle! Pinkamena Diane Pie!’
    Twilight freezes when she remembers that she has been fighting in front of her mentor this whole time. Pinkie tenses up since she is only used to hearing her whole name yelled when her father is really, really, belt-in-one-hoof angry with her.
    ‘You will cease this pointless bickering at once,’ Celestia commands. ‘Do you wish to ruin the friendship you have built these past years?’
    Twilight and Pinkie face each other. They instantly scowl at each other.
    ‘What about with your other friends?’ Celestia asks.
    Twilight and Pinkie turn towards the clubhouse. All of their friends are at the bottom comforting the scared Cutie Mark Crusaders. The four mares turn to the two fighting ones and frown at their friends.
    Rarity steps forward, in front of Sweetie Belle. ‘Dearies, we have been talking it over, and concerning your recent behavior towards not only each other but to us and the rest of the...’
    ‘You’re out of the group,’ Rainbow Dash interrupts. She looks over at Rarity. ‘What? That was what you were getting around to. I just cut to the chase.’
    ‘Y’all ain’t acting like yerselves,’ Applejack says. ‘Ah don’ know what yer turnin’ int’, but it ain’t somethin’ that we rightly want t’ be around.’
    ‘So, uh, if it is okay with you, we don’t want to be friends with you, um, if you are going to act that way towards ponies who were your friends...’ Fluttershy struggles to say. ‘Please don’t be mad...’
    Rainbow Dash jabs Fluttershy.
    ‘Make us cry, we say goodbye!’ Fluttershy hastily shouts.
    Twilight and Pinkie stare at their friends in shock. The whole situation they created is finally coming into view in their heads. Before anypony can react, a loud whooshing sound fills the clearing. Slowly, a new apple tree materializes beside the orchard. Once it is solid, a door opens on the side and James stumbles out.
    ‘You do not know how good it is to see all of you,’ James sighs.
    James stumbles to his friends to greet them. The first pony he hugs is Applejack, getting a big blush from her. He works down the line until all he does is brohoof Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. He crosses the field and bows to Celestia.
    ‘Keeping it real, princess?’ James asks.
    ‘Mr Wanderer... We have a bit of a...’ Celestia begins.
    ‘I just got back from helping my friends fight some ultimate evil. Give me a sec to see my girls.’
    James turns and gives Twilight and Pinkie long hugs and big kisses.
    ‘Now, speaking of my girls, where is my daughter?’
    Everypony nervously looks at the clubhouse. James trots up to the clubhouse. He stops to smile at Luna before entering. Everypony watches the clubhouse in silence after James enters. Several tense moments later, James stomps out, followed by Rei. He marches right down the stairs and towards his TARDIS.
    ‘We’re leaving,’ James states bluntly.
    ‘But, James...’ Twilight tries to say.
    ‘Twilight! Right now, with how I am feeling, if you try to think you can talk your way out of me being angry with you and Pinkie, the Daleks will have gotten off lucky today when I blew up their base.’
    Twilight and Pinkie whine and look away. James escorts his daughter into the TARDIS. He turns back. He glares directly at Twilight and Pinkie.
    ‘I am very disappointed with you. We are leaving now. Goodbye.’
    The TARDIS dematerializes and disappears. Everypony stands around not really knowing what to do.
    ‘Might we suggest that thou go back home and get some rest,’ Luna says. ‘Thou must all be tired.’
    ‘Good idea, Luna.’ Celestia replies. ‘Hopefully, we will have cooler heads in the morning.’
    All the ponies nod and head their separate ways. Celestia stops Twilight and Pinkie.
    ‘I would still like to speak with the two of you at some point.’
    The two broken mares silently nod before continuing back to their homes.

    The next morning, Twilight pulls a cart carrying her belongings and Spike across Ponyville. She has her head down as she walks. Everypony whispers to each other as she passes.
    ‘Why do we have to leave, Twilight?’ Spike asks.
    ‘I told you,’ Twilight sighs. ‘I hurt James. I hurt my friends. Worst of all, I hurt Pinkie. I... I can’t face her again. Ever. She will never forgive me.’
    ‘Then, why are we going there?’
    ‘... Because he left too.’ Twilight chokes back a tear. ‘I just want one last goodbye, even if he is not there, before facing my punishment from Celestia.’
    Twilight parks her cart at the edge of the Nerd District. She leaves it and Spike as she heads on alone. She stops at the central hub containing The Power Block, Marvelous Comics and Collectables and, around back, The Saving Throw. She stares up at the darkened second-story windows of The Power Block. Several of the local shop owners see Twilight standing there and wave, not that she notices. There is a set of hoof-falls beside Twilight.
    ‘You’re going to miss him, too.’
    ‘Yeah... Wait.’
    Twilight looks over to see Pinkie standing beside her.
    ‘Pinkie... I...’
    Pinkie looks over and gives a halfhearted smile. ‘Can you ever forgive me?’
    ‘I’m the one that should be asking for your forgiveness. All the mean things I said out of anger. ... And hurting Inkie...’
    ‘That doesn’t matter now. I was seeing your coltfriend behind your back. You had good reason to be mad at me. You won’t have to worry about stupid Pinkie anymore though.’
    Twilight looks away. ‘Right... I am going to miss everypony when I am back in Canterlot...’
    ‘I am going to miss all of you when I am back on the farm.’
    ‘Pinkie!’ Twilight gasps.
    ‘You’re right, Twilight. I am nothing but trouble. Inkie and I are going back home where we can’t hurt anypony anymore.’
    ‘But I am the one who is leaving. Since I came here, Ponyville has been attacked by Nightmare Moon, Discord, mythical beasts, parasprites, and... me...’
    Pinkie shakes her head. ‘No. Most of those weren’t your fault. And that whole Smarty Pants thing was because I failed at being your friend. Just like when Applejack tried leaving. My quirks forced her to feel bad and drove her away... And I pushed Flutters into becoming New Fluttershy, too...’
    ‘Pinkie! You’re a great friend! You make everypony smile all of the time! I am the one buying everypony off with Gala tickets or special trips to Canterlot for a party. Hell, I forced everypony to rebuild the entire town because I was foolish enough to play with time travel magics.’
    ‘You did all of those things because you care about everypony. Just think if that big meanie dragon was around and you weren’t there to help us get the courage to get him to leave. Or if you weren’t around to organize Winter Wrap Up.’
    ‘Or if you weren’t here to warn everypony with your Pinkie Sense. Or if you didn’t throw everypony huge birthday parties.’
    Both mares exchange a brief smile before sighing.
    ‘This town is too good for us,’ they moan.
    ‘Now, where in the hay do y’all get that idea?’
    Twilight and Pinkie look up to see all of their friends standing behind them. Spike and Inkie have also joined them. The rest of the group have friendly smiles.
    ‘I may not be an egghead,’ Rainbow starts, ‘but even I can tell you are using bad logic.’
    ‘But we hurt all of you!’ Twilight protests.
    ‘We don’t deserve friends like you.’ Pinkie adds.
    ‘Don’t be so dramatic, darling.’ Rarity waves a hoof at her friends. ‘We’re friends. We forgive each other.’
    ‘Although you were pretty scary...’ Fluttershy adds. ‘Please don’t be scary again. I know how bad being scary can hurt your friends.’
    Twilight and Pinkie look down and kick at the ground. ‘Can you ever forgive us?’
    ‘I think there is somepony each of you should ask first, dearies.’ Rarity replies.
    Twilight and Pinkie look at each other. They stare into each others’ eyes as all of the events of the past few days play back before them. Then the events of the past few weeks. Then months. Then years. The two mare do everything in their power to hold back tears, but ultimately fail when they embrace each other in a tearful hug. Pinkie’s hair poofs back to normal as soon as her forelegs are around Twilight.
    ‘Please forgive me, Pinkie. You are the best friend anypony can ever have.’
    ‘No, Twilight. You are the cutest, smartest, all around bestest pony. You’re my bestestest friend I have ever had!’
    ‘Awww!’ All of Twilight and Pinkie’s friends coo.
    ‘I knew my girls would figure it out eventually.’
    Twilight and Pinkie snap around and see James’ smiling face greeting them. Behind him, Rei and Lucas are standing by the shop. James waves his fillyfriends in for a hug, which they do not even hesitate to take advantage of.
    ‘I thought you were gone! You said you were leaving!’ Twilight cries.
    ‘I did leave,’ James answers. ‘We left the orchard and came home. Rei passed right out as soon as she got to her bed.’
    ‘Yeah!’ Rei chimes in. ‘I would never want to leave my lovely Inkie-chan!’
    Inkie blushes. Lucas moans. Rei turns to Lucas.
    ‘I like you too,’ Rei leans up and kisses Lucas.
    Twilight moans. ‘You and your tricky wording.’
    ‘You’re not mad at us?’ Pinkie whimpers.
    ‘You bet your ass I am.’ James replies. The two mares moan. ‘I asked the two of you to watch Rei because I wanted you to learn to get along and not let something stupid like who is dating who get in the way of the love we all have for each other. Fillyfriend and coltfriend are just stupid titles. I wanted you to look beyond that and realize that this world can get a lot farther if we can all learn to be open about our love.’
    Twilight and Pinkie nod as they ponder what was just said.
    ‘That, and I didn’t want to walk all the way to Sweet Apple Acres to ask Applejack. She was my first choice to watch her, you know.’
    Twilight and Pinkie half nod. ‘Wait. What?’
    James turns down the street. ‘Does that count as a friendship report? I don’t want to write another one as long as I live.’
    The others look to see Celestia walk out of a back alley.
    ‘That will do, Mr Wanderer.’ Celestia turns to Twilight and Pinkie. ‘Twilight Sparkle. Pinkie Pie. I know you just learned a valuable lesson about friendship and more importantly about love, but I still wish to speak with the two of you.’
    ‘Yes, princess,’ both ponies mumble.
    ‘Good. I’ll be waiting in the library for you two.’ Celestia starts trotting away. She turns and smiles. ‘I’ll take care of your belongings too. Come along, Spike.’
    Celestia levitates the two carts full of belongings and continues down the street with Spike behind her. The rest of the group rushes in to hug their friends. Inkie makes her way around to Rei and gets a hug of her own. The happy scene is broken up by a blue police box materializing in the street. The spiky-haired, bow-tie-less version of The Doctor sticks his head out.
    ‘James! There you are!’ The Doctor calls. ‘I just found the perfect quark star for your research. Come quick!’
    James breaks from the group. He gives Twilight and Pinkie a kiss each.
    ‘Sorry. Science calls.’
    James gallops off to join The Doctor. The rest of the group starts breaking from the hug. Twilight clears her throat.
    ‘Everypony, I have something important to say. This whole mess was perpetuated because I was unwilling to share the pony I love with somepony who loves him as much as I do. I do not want a repeat of this disaster, so I promise you that if you that if you love anypony I care for as well, be it James or my brother or Spike, I will not get jealous or try and stand in the way of your feelings.’
    ‘Hear, hear!’ Rarity cheers. ‘You have to share. You have to care.’
    ‘That’s what I said!’ Pinkie yells.
    All of the friends laugh at the situation. Applejack nervously taps Twilight on the shoulder.
    ‘Uh, Twi... Ah have t’ tell ya somethin’...’




Bonus Scene