On the horizon, there was the first hints of the sun and in the distance was the faint glow of Dodge Junction’s lights. It felt good to see civilisation again after five nights of walking. Tarnished Teapot looked at the earth pony beside him. On the road, they had become companions. Maybe even friends. But now, Longhaul had to go. Appleloosa was off in another direction, the other direction for the fork in the road.
“Come and visit me in Appleloosa,” Longhaul said as he stared at the lights in the distance.
“I’ll try… I don’t know if I will be welcomed,” Tarnish replied.
“My strength came back.” Longhaul grinned. “And you learned how to pull a wagon. You did save us from the owlbear. I think you are looking at your talent all wrong. Even if it cannot be controlled, perhaps it can still be made useful.”
“Do you really think so?” Tarnish had a hopeful look upon his face.
“I don’t reckon I know for certain.” Longhaul shrugged. “Mostly, I’d say it was up to you to find out. Life on the road will be good for you. Live by your wits. Change your thinking. Princess Twilight Sparkle did you a favour. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but she did. You’ve lived the past four years with everypony afraid of you and your magic. You’ve spent the past few nights with one pony who appreciates your magic. What you needed was a change of scenery.”
“Maybe you’re right. Thanks… thank you, Longhaul. Good luck getting home,” Tarnish said in a voice that was raspy with emotion. “Do you have a spot to get out of the sun?”
“A little ways down the road is a water well and a lodge for travelers. I plan to stop there,” Longhaul replied. “Good luck, Tarnished Teapot. There is no better life than the road.”
Dodge City Junction was a large bustling city. There were ponies everywhere. Tarnish looked around, wide eyed, trying to take everything in. There was a thin veneer of trying to look important here; Tarnish could see that. Many of the ponies wore clothes, which was silly in this heat. The mares wore expensive dresses and the stallions wore dashing suit jackets.
It seemed like everypony was trying to look wealthy, or at least give the illusion of wealth and importance. Even the buffalo were wearing clothing, which made them look rather odd. Tarnish said nothing of course, he was nopony to judge, but he took in everything he saw, and watched in honest silence.
Standing on the side of the road, Tarnish took stock of his situation. He had his saddlebags, his mirror, and his saddlebags were full of walnuts. He was covered in the dust of the road, but at least the manticore musk was gone. He had no bits. He was in need of a job, shelter, and food.
Tarnish took off at a trot, keeping an eye out for help wanted signs. He saw one sign right away, a barber was needed, but Tarnish lacked those skills. Shaking his head, he continued, pushing his way through the crowded streets. Already, the day was getting hot, and dawn had only happened a little while ago.
“Hey! Hey you! Yes you!” an earth pony cried. “Need a job? The Pony Express needs you! You look like you have what it takes!”
Tarnish gave the earth pony an incredulous stare as he approached. “And what what makes you say that?”
“Because… you look broke, homeless, young, and dumb. Which means you are desperate for bits. Do you want a job or not?” The earth pony had a smug smile. “My name is Buff Gaskins and I run the Pony Express in this town. All jokes aside kiddo, unicorns can be useful on some of these jobs.”
“And you’ll just hire me, just like that?” Tarnish asked.
“Well, no, you gotta tell me your name first… and then you gotta go on a test run to see how you do. You manage to deliver your message and make it back to town alive… I’ll give you five bits and a job,” Buff Gaskins replied.
“My name is Tarnished Teapot. Most ponies call me Tarnish.” Tarnish’s eyes narrowed. “Getting back to town alive… how dangerous is this job?”
“I won’t lie to you… this is a dangerous job. Which is why I’m always hiring. Ponies either quit or they get gobbled up by stuff.” Buff Gaskins grinned. “I guarantee you, you will not find a job here in town that will pay you five bits today.”
“Hmmph.” Tarnish’s ears perked forwards.
“The Pony Express pays on a daily basis. Our couriers might not live to see the next day. We figure it’s a kindness. You do well and you take the high risk jobs, you can become quite wealthy.” Buff pointed over at a cafe across the street. “You agree to take this job, and I’ll buy you breakfast first.”
“Mister Gaskins, you have yourself a deal,” Tarnished Teapot said as his stomach gurgled.
Five bits. Seven bits if he could make it back by noon. Tarnish was tired, worn out from walking all night, but bits were bits and he had no place to sleep. There were strict laws about vagrancy in town. Tarnish was looking for Lot Seventy Seven B, a mining camp on the side of a mountain. He had a map that showed all of the trail markers.
He was in the bottom of a ravine, the mouth of a box canyon, and further in was the trailhead that would take him up the side of the mountain. Somewhere up there was a borax mine and there was a miner that was waiting on a letter from his mama.
There were eyes on Tarnish, he could feel them. He looked about, turning his head this way and that way, hoping to spot trouble before trouble happened, but Tarnish suspected that trouble was already happening.
He continued onwards, mindful of the mesquite thorns, stranglesnatch vines, and needler cacti. Even the plants here were dangerous. The stranglesnatch vines liked to water themselves with fresh blood. The needler cacti had massive root systems that soaked up nutrients from the corpses they made after shooting them with paralytic needles and waiting for predators to eat said paralysed victims.
Tarnish had been warned about all of this by Buff Gaskins.
There was a dried out creek bed; the only thing that remained of the creek was some almost dried muddy mess where insects swarmed, trying to get what little moisture remained. Tarnish walked past, his head still turning about as he kept his eyes on the world around him.
As he turned his head forward, he saw a small cute looking rabbit. With antlers. And fangs. Tarnish sighed. The day had been going so well. Vampiric jackalopes loved blood. The rabbit grinned at him.
It was only then that Tarnish realised he was surrounded on all sides by vampiric jackalopes. He saw them popping up from behind logs, coming out from under rocks, and coming out of thorny thickets. They all looked thirsty and Tarnished realised that he was full of liquid. Delicious, drinkable, thirst quenching, life sustaining liquid. He had what Jackalopes craved.
“Hi,” Tarnish said. Just because you were about to be drained of your precious bodily fluids didn’t mean that you couldn’t be polite and chummy. Longhaul had said that being kind got you a long way in the world, but Tarnish wasn’t certain it applied here. “So, um, I see you’re thinking about sucking me dry. Might I ask you to reconsider?”
The vampiric jackalopes were coming closer.
“Look, I am the most unappetising unicorn you will ever meet.” Tarnish did his best to sound polite and sincere. “Look, don’t say I didn’t warn you… I don’t know what is going to happen next.”
One of the vampiric jackalopes grinned and its eyes glittered with malice.
“Fine, let’s get this over with,” Tarnish said and then he sighed with resignation. His horn flashed and Tarnish had no idea what was about to happen next.
With a flash of light, a chupacabra appeared, looking very, very annoyed.
The chupacabra, the natural enemy of the jackalope and a known pony eater. It looked like a cat-lizard creature. Tarnish didn’t spend a lot of time looking at it because a fight had just broken out with the various predators all fighting one another.
It was time to go. No matter who won, Tarnish knew that he would lose. He was food for both of those creatures. He took off at a run, bounding up the trail, leaping over a few vampiric jackalopes, and leaving the graphic violence behind. There were savage growls, snarling, the sounds of flesh being ripped apart, no matter what Fluttershy said, nature was not fascinating. Tarnished Teapot hated nature with the fiery fury of Princess Celestia’s burning sun. Nature was things trying to eat you, nature was a she-manticore sitting on your face, nature was the consequences of eating too many blackberries and having to deal with a case of the trots.
Nature sucked.
Thorns flew through the air as he got too close a cluster of needler cacti, but Tarnish was spared being impaled because the needles struck several pursuing vampiric jackalopes instead. He heard pained cries and he let out a panting cry of triumph as he ran.
“Hahahahah!” Tarnish cackled as he lept over a writhing mass of stranglesnatch vines. Anything chasing him was going to have a terrible surprise waiting for him. “Get horned, nature!”
It was almost an hour later when Tarnish stumbled into Lot Seventy Seven B. The sun was sweltering, Tarnish could feel a painful sunburn developing under his pelt, but he had made it. Of course, he still had to make it back to town somehow.
Grinning, Tarnish passed the letter in the envelope to the miner that had come out to greet him. The miner grinned, showed off many missing teeth, and then he spat out a dark brown, greasy glob of slimy tobacco juice into the dirt.
“Eh, ya made it. I’m glad. How was the trip?” The earth pony miner began to chuckle as he looked at Tarnish. “Wanna earn three bits?”
“What do I gotta do?” Tarnish asked.
“Take this letter back and give it to Buff Gaskins, so it’ll get mailed. I’m inviting my sweetheart to come and live with me. I think she’ll like it here,” the earth pony replied.
“I’ll do it.” Tarnish nodded in agreement. “I gotta get moving. I gotta be back before noon and there is a whole canyon full of vampiric jackalopes down there.”
“Oh, they’re not bad. Just watch out for the flying rattlesnakes… they gots bat wings. They really can’t eat ponies, but if you run into one, they’ll bite you,” the earth pony warned.
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll get your letter to Mister Gaskins.”