//------------------------------//
// Today I Am Radiant 
// Story: I Am Going To Save And/Or Destroy Equestria! 
// by Bucking Nonsense 
//------------------------------//





I'd never considered myself the shy type, but as I was being visually molested by a room full of mares while trying to eat waffles, I couldn't help but want to run off and hide somewhere.  Right now, they all seemed content to sit and stare at me, licking their lips while they imagined whatever it was they were planning to do when there weren't little fillies watching, but it would only be a matter of time before something set them off, and I'd likely be buried under an avalanche of amorous mares.  Worse, given that I'd yet to confirm if the loss of virginity for any of them would equate to the loss of my life, there was every reason to believe that the coroner would be writing my cause of death as 'Death By Snu-Snu', rather than 'Death By Extreme Exhaustion, Caused By Copious Amounts Of Snu-Snu'.  Believe me, there's a world of difference between the two, and you definitely want the latter, not the former.
I idly wondered if this was because I'd become what could essentially be called Equestria's Dark Lord.  I remembered from J. R. R. Tolkein's work that Sauron, before he got one of the more serious beatdowns he'd received in Lord of the Ring's lore, was able to wear a 'mask of beauty', one that made him look like something other than a ten-foot-tall tin titan, and made everyone think he was a great enough guy to be called King Excellent without any trace of irony.  I couldn't help but wonder, that being the case, if Sauron's mace had originally been intended for use in warding off his fangirls...
*All joking aside, their... interest in you can't be natural.*
'Really?'
*Yes.  You're certainly handsome now, more than enough to turn their heads and make their hearts race, but nopony should be this desirable to the fairer sex.  Something is... enhancing the effect you have on them.*
"Well, well, well," a voice said from the ceiling.  "I must admit, this was the last thing that I expected to see today."  I looked up, and saw what I could only describe as Sheogorath's pet.  No two limbs on the hovering creature were alike, and even his eyes appeared mismatched.  "I suppose that there would be a few side effects to eating a star..."
*Discord.*
'The master of chaos?'
*Exactly.  He's in a weight class all his own, so watch yourself, dimwit: A wrong move here, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life.*
I noticed, strangely, that the mares didn't react to the presence of the intruder.  In fact, they weren't reacting to anything: They seemed to be frozen into immobility, unmoving and unseeing...
"I trust," I began, keeping my tone neutral, "that when we're done talking, you'll be turning them back to normal."
With a bored expression, the mix-and-match monster said, "I suppose I will.  After all, they'd be rather boring if I left them that way."  Suddenly blinking out of existence, the creature just as suddenly reappeared, sitting next to me and drinking from a coffee mug.  "I was in the neighborhood, and saw your little performance yesterday.  I must say, I am impressed.  I never would have thought of using the power of a star to take on a fiend.  Then again, seeing what's happening right now, there might be a reason that no one has tried that."
Looking around at the mares, I said, "You're saying that the star is directly responsible for this?"
"In a way, yes," Discord admitted.  "Alicorns, beings like myself, and the fiends all share something in common: We all embody a primal force of this planet.  Arabus represented the power of the storm, so he possessed a cloud body, and the power to control thunder and lightning.  Sadly, just like a storm, he was also of a violent and destructive nature, and was completely incapable of caring about others.  Meanwhile, Celestia, embodying the sun, was of a generous and giving nature, shining prosperity down upon her subjects.  Luna represented the night but when darkness took over, she quit representing the positive aspects, and began embodying the negative ones."
I caught on almost immediately, and said, "And since I ate a star, I've begun embodying the qualities of a star."  People often comment on the beauty of the stars, so, since I now embodied a star, I was now indescribably attractive to the fairer sex.  Hell, for all I knew, even stallions would find themselves inexplicably turned on in my presence.  After all, the beauty of stars was a universal constant, and need not be bound by something as mundane as gender.  Maybe it was a good thing I was the only stallion for miles right now...
"Congratulations," Discord said, handing me a report card with an A+ on it, "You've passed.  I'd offer you a gold star, but I see you've got your own."  He pointed at my flank.  I looked, and noted an eight-pointed star on my backside.  It seemed that I'd been marked when I wasn't looking...
I looked back at Discord, and was surprised to see that he was gone.  His voice, however, remained, stating, "Of course, just knowing that much won't get you out of the trouble you're in.  But I'll give you a little time to think before I throw you back into your predicament: The mares will remain in place for one minute.  After that, you'll have to deal with the consequences of whatever happens next."
Right, so I had a minute before I went back to potentially getting boinked into the great beyond...
'Alright, so what, asides from being 'beautiful', are stars known for?'
*What?*  Sombra, surprisingly, didn't seem as quick on the uptake as I was this time.
'My body is currently channeling one of the qualities that stars are known for, that being beauty.  If I can switch my body from 'bishonen mode' to something a bit more tame, the girls should probably calm down.  Otherwise, even if losing their virginity doesn't automatically undo our resurrection, we might be spending the rest of our life getting pounded by sex-crazed mares until our pelvis turns into dust.'  Admittedly, if alicorns were like deities here, and possessed stamina far beyond that of mortals, it might take a very long time for that to happen, but this many mares, taking turns, would ensure I didn't get any rest between now and the end, even if the first one didn't end up ending me...
*Ah, good point.  Well, stars are known for bringing good fortune...*
'Getting 'lucky' is what is likely to happen to us in about forty-five seconds...'
What?  The timing seems off?  I'm surprised you hadn't figure it out yet: When Sombra and I were communicating, it went a whole lot faster than regular speech did.  We didn't have to wait for our mouths to form the sounds, we just thought what we wanted the other to know, and the other got the info instantly.  It let us get a lot of info across to one another very quickly.
*Ummm, astrology might work: Stars are known for being omens, portents, signs of things to come...*
'Not to be crude, but I think the girls know exactly what's about to start coming...'
*That was fairly crude, yes.  Ummmm, they aid in navigation, no, the mares know exactly where they want to go.  They're known to grant wishes, no, the mares already have a very specific wish in mind.  They can grant inspiration to others, no, the mares are already coming up with plenty of 'interesting' ideas on their own...*
Suddenly, I remembered the ending of the movie Stardust.  The book had ended differently, but the movie had given a rather spectacular climax.
'Stars shine.'
*Yes, they do, don't they?  I think we can work with that.  Alright, let's see if... there we go!*
As the girls began to move again, their eyes widened in surprise.  As they watched in awe, my body began to glow.  Not the blinding light of the sun, or some kind of Twilight sparkle effect, but instead, I gave off a soft, gentle glow, like the stars might give in the night sky.  The mares suddenly stopped looking at me with lust intense enough to boil water at one thousand yards, and started shaking their heads, as if trying to get their heads back together.
Ladyhawke, possibly because she had been actively resisting the effects of my 'star-like beauty', was the first to fully recover.  "What," she began, "was that all about?"
Clearing my throat uncomfortably, I admitted, "Becoming an alicorn seems to have come with some... unusual side effects."  Looking at her expression, one of quickly rising fury, I added, "I hadn't realized that I would have that effect on others until I walked into the room.  The fillies were perfectly fine when I woke up this morning, and weren't doing anything strange before they got up and left for breakfast.  Heck, Acorn didn't even seem to be acting strangely, and she had me all to herself."
That puzzled me a bit, really: By all rights, the moment the fillies had left the room, she should have been drooling over me like the others had been, and with no one watching, she should also have probably tried to seduce me, and test out the royal bed.  Maybe something about her made her immune?
Looking around, I asked, "Where is she, by the way?"
"Right behind you, your majesty," Acorn said, startling me, although I think I managed to hide it well.
"And why weren't you... affected?" I asked, both curious and hoping, desperately, to change the focus of the conversation.  Ladyhawke had started cooling down, slightly, but while the other mares seemed to be more interested in returning to breakfast, Lady seemed more intent upon drilling a hole in my skull with the power of the glare she was bestowing upon me.
Cryptically, she stated, as she walked around to where I could see her more easily, "I have yet to meet anyone, male or female, pony or... otherwise, who could stir those kinds of feelings within me."
Huh.  Well, some people, male or female, are like that...
*She's not lying, but there's something... off about her.  If I performed a scanning spell, I could probably tell what she's hiding.*
'Whatever it is, it is not our business.  If she wanted whatever it is to be known, she'd have come out and said it.  She contributed to our revival, same as the rest, and if she wants to keep things private, we will respect her wishes.  Alright?'
*Fair enough.*
"And what," Ladyhawke began, giving me a glare so intense that it made my eyes hurt, "is to stop you from pulling something like that again?  With that kind of an ability, you could take any one of us for a 'ride' any time you wanted, and we wouldn't be able to tell if it was because we wanted to, or because you wanted to."
Clearing my throat, I noted, "You seemed pretty dead-set against the idea, if I recall."  Inwardly, I laughed as she started to blush, and then continued, observing, "I don't think it works like that.  Everypony here who is... of age has the same kinds of hormones running through their bloodstream..." I glanced at Acorn, and internally added, 'I think', and then continued, "And you're all miles away from civilization, and other ponies... including other stallions.  Would I be wrong in saying I'm the first stallion any of you have seen in weeks?"
While Sparkling Sunset, still sitting at the table, nodded immediately, as did the fluffy one, Ladyhawke glared at me again, and after a few seconds, nodded once, but said nothing else.
"I think that... all it did was bring certain urges to the surface," I concluded.  "You see a handsome stallion, you feel an attraction.  It's natural, and you choose whether you act on that attraction or not, but whatever you choose, that attraction still exists.  If it was some kind of uncontrollable urge, then I think I would have been mobbed the moment I walked in the door, instead of just turning heads.  I think I was just... temporarily more attractive than I normally would be, and everypony, or at least those of you old enough to entertain those kinds of urges, overreacted to them.  Nothing more, nothing less."
Ladyhawke's glare, after a moment, let up, and she let out a long sigh.  She gave a weak chuckle, and said, "Alright, I'll buy that.  It... has been a while since I've seen a stallion, and I will admit, you're a lot easier on the eyes than you were yesterday."
*I'll choose not to take that as an insult.*
'Ha!'
"Besides, he did turn it off," Sunset added quickly.  "If he'd intended to... do anything to us, he'd have just kept it going, never told us about what was happening, and we wouldn't have been any wiser."
"Right," Lady admitted, grudgingly.  She didn't like me, obviously, but I suppose she was willing to concede that I wasn't a complete dick.  She took a bite out of her breakfast, and asked, while chewing, "So... what exactly can you do, now?  I mean, we didn't know how much you were capable of before you were an alicorn.  Now that you are...?"  Her eating habits were not very ladylike, but soldiers weren't exactly well-known for their manners.
I took a bite out of my waffle, chewed thoughtfully, and then answered, "No clue.  I suppose I'll have to do some experimentation to find out."
While Lady looked annoyed, Sparkling Sunset said, with a slight giggle, "I'm not surprised to hear that.  Gaining the powers of an alicorn does not come with instantaneous mastery of your gifts.  My teacher, Clover the Clever, told me a few stories about the days when Princess Celestia and Princess Luna first ascended.  The sun and moon didn't... collide back then, thank goodness, but there were a few near misses before they got everything down pat."
Near misses.  Right.  The sun and moon nearly collided multiple times, and it was nothing more than an amusing anecdote to these people.  Magic Pony Land laughs in the face of my Earth physics, then gut punches them, steals their lunch money, and uses that money to buy sexual favors from my Earth physics' mother.
"One thing I think I'm able to do, though," I admitted after some thought, "is that I'm able to steal the powers of the fiends after I defeat them."  I could still feel Arabus power, like a slightly static-like feeling, but beneath my skin instead of over it...
Lady nodded and said, "We'd figured that out.  We were watching the fight through that... projection the archon had brought up.  That lightning bolt was... impressive."  She concluded that sentence a bit grudgingly, as if not wanting to compliment me, but unable to avoid doing so.
"The fiends, like alicorns, represent certain elemental powers," Sunset stated, as if quoting a text.  "Once defeated, those powers have to go somewhere, so I suppose it makes sense that they'd go to the one who defeated them."
Hesitantly, I stated, "Discord... popped in for a brief visit, and he mentioned something like that."
"That's impossible," Ladyhawke stated, flatly.  "I'd think we'd have remembered something like that, even if we were all a bit... distracted."
"He's not lying," Acorn inserted, flatly, still standing to one side and watching us all eat.  "He immobilized the rest of you, had a brief discussion with His Majesty, and then left."  She scanned the room, and added, "Or at least, it looks as though he left.  With someone like Discord, it can be hard to tell when he might be around..."
The other mares at the table gave both Acorn and I a surprised look.  I admit, I was somewhat startled as well: She'd seen that?  How... wait.  Discord probably hadn't frozen her because he hadn't noticed her.  Apparently, she was just that stealthy.
Swallowing nervously, Sunset said, "So he is free..."
Ladyhawke exclaimed, "But that doesn't make sense!  If he's loose, why isn't he turning Equestria upside down as we speak?"
"That's kinda already happened," I mentioned, remembering the sun and moon outside.  If Discord's goal in life was to plunge Equestria into chaos, then congratulations, mission complete, a winner is you.
"And that is exactly the problem," Discord said, appearing right next to me again, this time in a bathrobe and sipping from his coffee cup again.  Or maybe he had always been there, and simply had turned invisible until now.  With a being of Discord's power, there was no telling what he might do at any given time...
Still, my surprise hadn't dulled my wits any.  While the others gawked, startled by Discord's sudden return, I stated, "You're not out there, doing anything, because in an Equestria like the one we have today, hardly anyone would notice anything amiss."
The  master of chaos nodded, then pulled out a fork, grabbed a waffle, and started chewing on it, taking a moment to enjoy them.  "Precisely.  I need someplace peaceful, orderly... harmonious, if I want to have any sort of fun.  A master of my caliber can hardly be expected to work with something like this: It would be like asking an artist to paint on a soiled canvas."
Sunset, surprised, asked, "So... you actually want Equestria to return back to normal?"  She shook her head, and said, "I don't believe it.  The fiends are doing exactly what you've always wanted to do..."
She was silenced when Discord snapped his fingers, causing a zipper to appear on her mouth and sealing it tight.  "Don't lump me with those... posers," Discord stated, suddenly wearing what I could only call a hipster's outfit, complete with glasses, "I was into chaos long before it went mainstream.  Any fool with enough power can cause random destruction.  I've never had to stoop to such... uncouth methods."
'Sombra?'
*On it.*
My horn began to glow, and the zipper was removed from Sunset's lips.  I turned to Discord, and said, as politely as I could, "I'll kindly ask you to refrain from treating my subjects that way."
Discord gave me a long look, and then chuckled, and said, "Oh, fine, I'll play nice, but only because you're so... polite.  The truth is, you actually impressed me yesterday.  Most ponies, when faced with a problem, use conventional tactics.  That's why, when the fiends broke out, Commander Hurricane and his army of ponies were so easily defeated: Unconventional enemies demand unconventional strategies."
Ladyhawke, flushed with anger, gave Discord a look fit to set his beard on fire, but said nothing.  I think mentioning Commander Hurricane might have been a sore spot for her, although I wasn't certain why.  Hero worship, maybe?
Discord gave me a knowing look, and added, "And I think we both know that you're in no way a conventional pony."
'I think he knows our secret.'
*I think so, too.*
+Me three.+
That last one was definitely Discord's voice.
+Oh, don't worry.  I won't blab your little secret to your subjects just yet.  But in exchange, I'll require a favor.+
'What kind of favor?'
+What fun would it be if I told you now?  But don't worry, it won't be anything you'll object to.  I just want you to know that one day, sooner or later, I will call that favor in.+
'...Fine.'
Discord took another bite from his waffle, and said, "I noticed that you're all heading towards the Crystal Empire.  That's not a bad idea, all things considered, but I thought I should warn you that you'll probably not like what you see there."
Ladyhawke gulped, and asked, "What happened?"
Discord shrugged, then said, "Lavan and King Charlatan went there, and took over.  The citizens tried to put up a fight, but the two fiends had some sort of artifact, something that Grogar gave them.  I'm not certain what it is, but I do know that the ponies are now praising the fiends as enthusiastically as they had once praised the princesses.  But I think that, in exchange for that little doodad, Grogar demanded something in return.  The fiends drilled a hole underneath the city, and when they'd hit whatever it was they were looking for, Lavan filled the hole with molten magma, and Charlatan then froze it back into solid rock.  Since then, the fiends have been ruling the city unopposed, although I don't think the two are getting along very well."
*...They... they were after my people.  They took over the Crystal Empire because Grogar wanted them to destroy the Umbrum!*
+Not destroy, no.  If the Umbrum could be destroyed, they would have been well before now, given the sorts of things they'd done in the past.  Umbrum are, in their truest form, beings of shadow.  While light might banish a shadow, nothing can truly destroy it.  With the way the world is going, the seal on the Umbrum was likely to come undone at any time, and there was no longer enough love or hope in the world to force them back into their prison.  So, to ensure that they wouldn't break loose, Grogar sent those two to reinforce their bindings of hope and love with something a bit more substantial.+
'But why?'
+One Umbrum, if you'll recall, could effortlessly slay a lesser princess and enslave a city.  Beneath the Crystal Empire, there are thousands more.  Even I don't know their exact numbers.  Grogar is the most powerful of the fiends, but even he can't stand up to those kinds of odds, so...+
'He used the Dwarf Fortress Sealing Technique.'
+What?+
*What?*
'Ah, back home, there's a game called Dwarf Fortress that is still in development.  In the early builds of the game, it was possible to dig too deep and unleash the 'Happy Fun Stuff' from the 'Ultimate Clown Car', and have your little dwarf mine flooded with a problem that mundane methods simply could not stop.  Someone figured out that if you flooded the tunnels with magma, then used water to turn the magma into obsidian, it would resolve the problem with minimal difficulty, after which, they'd send in artisans to make statues out of the conquered menace.'
*Your people are incredibly strange and frightening, you know that, right?*
+And yet also incredibly amusing.+
I cleared my throat, and said, "So, our first step is clear: We need to go to the Crystal Empire, and defeat the two fiends there.  After that, we'll resupply, recruit whatever assistance we can find, and we'll move out and start taking down the fiends, one by one."  Mentally, I added, and if losing your virginity doesn't cause my demise, I'll find as many stallions as I can, so I'll stop getting looks like I'm the last piece of prime rib in the dog pound.  I looked at Ladyhawke and Sparkling Sunset, and asked, "Any objections?"
Sunset nodded and said, "That was more or less what we had in mind, yes.  The Crystal Empire is the closest city we can reach, so it made the best starting point for our campaign to retake Equestria.  Still, it's worrying to know that Grogar is behind those two invading the Crystal Empire.  We'd thought, until now, that he'd gone into hiding after Diretusk betrayed him.  I can't help but wonder what else he may be up to..."
Lady, on the other hoof, just gave me a flat stare, and said, "You promised you wouldn't hurt anypony inside the city.  You'd better keep that promise."
*Actually, her words were 'I want your word that you won't harm a single soul inside of the Crystal Empire, nor will you try to conquer the city like you did last time.'  That includes the fiends, I think.*
'That might... complicate things, somewhat.'
*You think?*
+I'll say.+