So, there I was. Standing outside the door, sweating like I'd run a marathon. Maybe, just a little bit, on the verge of tears.
After over a year of trying to stay away, of failed relationships, of doing everything I could to forget, I was finally standing in front of the door that separated me from you. All I had to do was open it and explain to Velvet how I felt.
I didn't need her to love me; I just needed to be your dad. You were my foal just as much as you were hers, after all.
I took a deep breath and tested the door. It was unlocked. Proof that she needed somepony around! What if you wandered outside? You could have fallen down the stairs! I pushed it open and started in my strongest voice, "Velvet Step, we need to—"
There was a stallion lying on the floor with you in front him, a few scattered blocks between the two of you. The cautious fire that had been burning within me burst into a furious uproar. Why in Tartarus was there a strange stallion playing with my foal? After all of that talk about not needing me around, she ran off and found somepony else? I prepared myself for a fight right as the stallion stood to his full, imposing height and turned to face me.
The righteous fire within my soul was immediately extinguished. This wasn't just some random stallion. This was Silent Knight, a veritable hero of the gryphon war. Whatever fatherly bravado I was feeling would be no match for him; he was nothing but large muscles, a hardened look, and all intimidation. The scars visible on his jaw and forelegs told me in no uncertain terms that others had tried to fight him… and failed.
"—nevermind! Don't mind me! Bye!"
It was too late for me, though. Whatever soldier's instinct that coursed through his blood had kicked in. Silent Knight had leapt over the couch, closed the distance, and threw a ruined, brace-clad wing out to stop me before I could shut the door in my attempt to escape. I squeaked like a mouse. So much for strong and stallionly.
"Can I help you?" he asked, the seriousness of his voice sending a quiver to my knees.
I had just burst into Velvet's flat. Silent Knight had no idea who I was. He was a both a guard and a soldier. I was going to spend the rest of my life locked away in a dungeon, and that was only if I was lucky.
I shrunk back and tugged on the door that was now wedged open by one of his big, scary hooves. "Wrong condo?" I tried to smile, but it may have trembled. Probably because all of me was trembling.
His brow arched before he cocked his head. "You burst in, looking for Velvet, so I highly doubt that. Are you a friend of hers?" Without waiting for an answer, he called over his shoulder, "Velvet, you appear to have an intruder."
From the side room—which, briefly, I remembered was either green or blue or some color in between the last time I'd seen it—Velvet leaned out to look at us. Her eyes widened when they met mine before she trotted all the way out. "Silver Script. Wow, it's been a while."
"Hi," I said in a voice tinier than I thought possible.
“Should I throw him out?” Silent Knight asked gruffly, never taking his eyes off me.
Velvet snorted a laugh. “No, you oaf. Leave him alone. He's basically harmless.”
I watched Silent return to your side and my heart seized up when I finally got a good look at you. You were so tiny, just a little wiggling mass of legs and wings with a drooling head. It was impossible not to feel a swell of pride at your purple coat that matched mine, even though the tuft of mint green mane had to come from Velvet's family.
Silent's whole demeanor changed when he got your attention by wiggling a red block in the air. Who could blame him? I felt like soft pudding just looking at you from a distance. He actually got to play with you.
My thoughts were interrupted when Velvet cleared her throat. It was probably a little too obvious that I was staring. When I looked over at her and our eyes met, all I could do was stare as she walked up to me. So much had changed in a year; she looked both tired and totally at peace at the same time. Her mane was still in a bun, but it wasn't the same as it used to be. It was messier, more "Mom"-like.
Finally, she broke eye contact to flash Silent a smile. "Actually, can you watch Velour for a bit?"
My heart leapt into my throat and I choked on a whimper. It was the first time I'd heard your name.
Silent nodded. "Yes, ma'am."
Velvet nudged me a step back as she walked out of the condo, shutting the door behind her. "So, uh, how have you been?" She eyed me from head to hoof with a guarded expression.
"How have I been?" The haze around my head cleared and I frowned. "Terrible, actually. But that doesn't really matter. We need to talk."
Velvet snorted. "You think?" She nodded her head to gesture for me to follow her. I didn't really want to leave, but she started walking, so I followed. Just like the first time we met. "We've needed to talk for a long time."
With a cautious glance down at her, I mumbled, "Yeah. Things didn't exactly end on good terms."
"That's an understatement." At the end of the hallway were two lawn chairs by a window that overlooked the streets below. She took a seat and waited for me to do the same.
I frowned down at the cheap plastic before carefully lowering myself onto it. "Why are there chairs here?"
Her lips quirked into a lopsided grin and she shrugged. "New neighbors used to have a house with a porch, or something. I like to come out here with Velour sometimes, and he likes to watch the ponies come and go."
"Velour," I repeated, the name reverent on my tongue. The brief glimpse I'd had was more than enough to note: "He has my coat."
Velvet shifted uncomfortably in her seat and turned her head to look out the window. "I guess he kinda does. Wings, too." She sighed, leaning back. "I'm sorry."
My ears perked upright before folding back. "We both made mistakes. Honestly, I think we're past apologies at this point."
"I'm not." She shook her head, chewing on her lower lip for a moment, then finally looked at me again. "I don't understand how Crystal can still love Silent when he left her to go to war. I don't understand why Nightingale was hopping from stallion to stallion one day and then serious about one the next. These things don't make sense to me, okay? So, I thought I had everything figured out with you. That if we had a deal, if I made it really clear, that'd fix things."
Sighing, she raised a hoof to brush back a stray strand of her mane. "I still don't understand it, like, not really, but I get it. I screwed up, okay? Especially when it all blew up. I was overwhelmed and emotional and kind of freaking out. And I'm really sorry for that." Her jaw set as if to fight back against herself. "But I don't regret it. Velour is the—" Her voice cracked with sudden emotion. "He is perfect," she finished in a whisper. "He's perfect and I love him so much."
I felt so small in front of her as she spoke of you. A year had passed, one that I'd filled with anger and bitterness. But Velvet had spent it with love. You must have been not even six months old and already you had entirely changed her life.
Slowly, I reached out a hoof to set it on hers and gave it a squeeze. "I was overwhelmed, too. I don't know if I—I'm not sure if I actually loved you. I think I was just angry and confused, honestly. But I've had a lot of time to, you know, think about things, and my thoughts always come back to you and our foal." She flinched and tried to pull away, but I held on. "Velvet, I'm not asking to be anything more than his dad. Let me help raise him. That's all I want."
She finally wrenched her hoof free, giving a quick shake of her head. "Silver—"
"I'll get my own place," I quickly interrupted. "We can work this out."
Velvet's brow furrowed and she crossed her forelegs over her chest. "Silver, let's talk this out like we didn't do last time, okay? There's a reason you can't be around. Do you know what that is?"
I didn't want to risk saying something to upset either of us, so I kept my mouth shut and just shook my head.
"Because you say it's fine, that you're not asking for more. But that's not fair to you." Her expression softened. "You want a relationship. You deserve a real one! With somepony who loves you and you can have your own foals together and live happily. Just like Vel and I will."
Chewing on my lower lip, my gaze fell to my lap. "Why can't I do both? I can help you take care of Velour and date at the same time, you know."
Velvet shook her head. "Because that's not who you are. You'll pour your heart into him and have nothing left for anypony else. That's fine, you'll tell yourself, and you'll believe it. And for a while, it will be fine. But what happens in a year from now? You'll look for love, because that's what you want. I can't give that to you, and we'll be right back where we were when you left."
What was I supposed to say? I hated hearing it, but she wasn't wrong. There was still a part of me that thought maybe—just maybe—if I was better, if I tried harder, if I expected less, then I could have a relationship with her. Maybe it wouldn't be picture perfect and there would be no white picket fence, but it'd be good enough.
And that line of thinking wasn't fair to either of us.
"But," she continued, her voice growing firmer, "it's also not fair of me to ask you to just forget about us, because you obviously can't. So, why don't you come inside and spend some time with him while I show you the photo album?" She smiled at me and my heart fluttered—which was exactly when I knew for certain that I couldn't stay with her.
All I could do was nod and follow her back to the apartment, where we found Silent Knight sprawled on his back. You were perched on his chest, bubbling and gurgling and gnawing on one of your own hooves.
Silent looked up at us with a serious expression. "I taught him too well. He attacked from my weak side. There was nothing I could do to resist."
"Yeah, he has that effect on ponies." Velvet snickered as she walked over to the bookcase. All of the pictures of her friends and Prima Donna novels I remembered had been replaced with foal toys and books. "That's enough war today. You're dismissed, soldier."
There was a pause before Silent carefully put you back down and rolled over to stand up. He looked at the back of Velvet's head and I felt the tension between them enough to send the hairs of my coat standing on end. Velvet didn't even glance at him after she told him to leave, and he resigned himself with a light nod of his head.
"Nice to meet you," he said to me in passing as he walked out of the condo, leaving the three of us alone.
I looked between the shut door and Velvet's back while she hoofed through the collection of books. "So, uh, Silent Knight, huh?" I cleared my throat. "What's up there?"
Velvet froze just long enough for me to notice the way she went rigid. "He's Crystal's husband, and Crystal's my best friend. Nothing's 'up' there beyond that." She picked out a blue album dotted with white stars and flopped onto the colorful, plush rug. "Don't be a perv."
"I'm not being a perv!" I settled onto the floor by you, who'd had taken an interest in a little blue pony figure. And by interest, I mean it went right in your mouth. "I meant, why are you giving him the cold shoulder if he's your best friend's husband?"
Her ears flattened against her mane and she avoided my gaze. "That's between me and him. Let's just enjoy some pictures, okay?" She flipped the book open. You stared at her with big eyes full of awe and wonder, completely ignoring me. "Here. This was taken when he was born." A soft, fond smile overtook her expression. "Though, I guess you can't see much of him, can you?"
I tore my attention away from you to look at the photo and my heart swelled with a strange mix of joy and guilt. There were so many ponies crowding you and Velvet that the both of you were almost crowded out. Sunbeam and Crystal were on either side of Velvet, both in tears, Pepper holding his wife by the shoulders and Horsey was clutching Crystal's hoof in her own. Red was on the bed to look at his newborn nephew with a curious tilt of his head, and I recognized the back of Nightingale's head. Too many ponies filled the frame that I didn't recognize, sending my heart back to the pit of my stomach.
The others, Velvet explained, were friends and family. Her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, and even Crystal's parents had swarmed the hospital room to meet you the day you were born. All these ponies had been there to shower you with love. Nightingale had been right—you would never want for anything.
"Crystal and Silent are his promise parents," Velvet continued, tapping on a photo of you with the two of them. "They take it pretty seriously." She gave an exaggerated sigh. "And even if it annoys me sometimes, Vel really likes Silent."
I reached out to set a hoof on the photo album to stop her from flipping to another page. "I get it."
She blinked a few times, then cracked a lopsided grin. "Get what? That he's the cutest little thing in Equestria?"
"No. I mean, yes, but, not that." Standing up, I looked down at you. You were so happy and content, and even though I was right there, I didn't exist in your world. "You don't need me."
Her lips pursed into an 'o' and she lowered her gaze to you as well. "No, he doesn't," she said in a soft voice. "He's got more ponies than I can keep up with. Did you know that they bribe each other to get to spend time with him? Upper Crust actually bribed my mom. Like, straight up, just dumped bits on the counter and announced she got him for the weekend."
I couldn't help a small snicker at that. "I don't know who that is, but I can't imagine Sunbeam took that well."
Velvet scooped you up and set you on her back so she could stand, too. "She threw a cupcake at her. I wish I had been there to see it, because Mom was bragging for days about it. Apparently it smacked right into her horn, getting frosting all in her mane and everything."
There was a pause before we both burst into laughter. You giggled and gurgled, both of your forehooves wrapped around a lock of Velvet's mane. When we settled down, I lowered my head to nuzzle Velvet's cheek. "Then, I'll make good on our agreement and leave, but I'd like to ask for one thing first."
After just a brief hesitation, she nodded. "Okay. I think I can agree blindly to one thing after what I've put you through."
"When he's older, if he asks about me—" My gaze flickered between hers and yours, even if you weren't looking at me. "I'll send you a postcard when I find a place to settle down so you have my address. If he asks about me."
"Of course," she said with a weak smile. "I wasn't going to keep you a secret if he asked, you know. I'm not a total monster."
I grinned and cocked my head with a playful arch of one brow. "You could've fooled me."
She swatted at my face, but laughed nonetheless. "Yeah, okay, I apologized, all right?" She followed me when I started toward the door. "Where are you thinking of going?"
"Honestly?" I shrugged. "I have absolutely no idea. I might move around a bit and try to see where feels like home. I mean, I assume I have time. He's not even speaking yet, after all, right?"
"Yeah, you dork, you've got time." She put a hoof on my shoulder to stop me from walking out and our gazes met again. "Thanks for coming back. I—I kind of needed this. The closure. Knowing that you were okay." She glanced away. "When you just disappeared, I was really worried, you know? Nopony knew where you'd gone and we'd kind of had a fight, and—yeah. Thanks."
Careful so as not to disrupt your spot on her back, I pulled Velvet into a hug. I smiled down at you from the new vantage point, and you finally acknowledged me with a curious tilt of your head. Who knew it was possible to want to smile and cry at the same time? "Me, too. Goodbye, Velvet."
"Take care of yourself, Silver," she whispered against my neck.
Yep, I definitely needed to leave, because I hadn't had any intimacy in months and the light brush of her lips from that little whisper felt great. It was especially embarrassing because she wasn't even trying to be sexy right then. I was ruining a perfectly heartfelt moment.
It was hard, but I pulled away. I gave Velvet one last smile, then turned and started down the hall for the last time. As I descended the stairs, I could hear Velvet cooing at you. "Do you even know who that was, little buddy?" her voice echoed down the hall. "Aw, Vel, no, don't—stop putting my hair in your mouth, seriously!"
Warmth filled my chest as I stepped out of the condominium building and into the city of Canterlot. I felt refreshed, somehow. Velvet was right. I'd be miserable with her, pining for something more and eventually growing resentful that there was nothing, and that wasn't fair to her foal.
Velvet would be happy. So would you. I knew that now. She had more friends and family than I really appreciated that would take care of you both. Now, it was finally time for me to take care of myself.
I took to the sky to find myself a nice, fluffy cloud and hitched a ride, nestling in and smiling. For the first time, I felt free. While I drifted away from Canterlot, I looked out into the horizon that held my future. A new horizon. Or maybe just... another horizon.
Don't look at me like that! It's a legitimate phrase, I swear. Because life's journey is never really over, it's just moving forward? Oh, come on...