Lancie sat on Rainbow Dash's endtable. As darkness lingered outside the floating home, he relaxed, completely silent, his stone body locked in a nigh-meditative pose.
This all was shattered—of course—the first moment a loud thumping noise echoed through the domain.
Lancie's gray eyes fluttered open.
The thumping continued, growing loud and more pronounced.
Curious, Lancie pivoted about and glanced at the window to Rainbow's bedroom.
A blue shape was persistently slamming into the pane from the outside. A muffled grunting sound could be heard.
Lancie's stone brow furrowed. He hopped off the table, slithered across the floor, and climbed up to the window sill. Using his whole body, he pried the window open just in time for—
Fwooooosh! Rainbow Dash's body flew through the opening and slammed into the wall across the way. She collapsed upside down beneath the vanity, her body littered with socks, picture frames, and random junk.
"... ... ..." Her bleary eyes blinked. "...that wasn't the front door."
"Hmmmf." Lancie slid the window shut with another grunt. "That's what she said." He spun about, dusting his tiny talons. "You're rather late on arrival. What happen? Did you have to kick an entire hurricane out to the curb?"
"Say... did anypony ever—HIC—tell you that you look like one of them silly ornament thingies that—HIC—belongs on the front of a rich pony's stagecoach?" Rainbow Dash hiccuped again. She hugged herself, giggling insanely.
Lancie cocked his head to the side. "Ah. So I see we've returned to bubblier oceans."
"Mrmmff..." Rainbow Dash reverse somesaulted onto her hooves. "Don't mind—HIC—me. I just had a little—HIC! A little—HIC!" She stumbled backwards, falling flat on her flank. "...nip."
"Well you certainly nipped it in the bud." Lancie hobbled over. "Here, big girl. Lemme help you to bed."
"I can—HIC!—get there myself!" She slapped his talon away with a flick of the tail. "The bed... the bed..." She got back up, wobbling. "That's in the shower, right?"
"No, it's in this room here," Lancie said, pointing at the furniture in question. "Although, depending on how much you've drunk, I suppose you could turn it into a suana."
"Mmmm... no thanks... I-I don't subscribe to any religion." Rainbow Dash trotted towards the bed. Halfway there, she lost her balance, teetered, teetered some more, and slammed skull-first into the bedframe.
Even Lancie had to wince.
The bed shook, and a length of loose blankets fell over. Rainbow Dash grabbed the edge of the duvet, then rolled around until it ensnared her body like a soft cocoon. "Heeeeeee... HIC!" She smiled stupidly into the shadows, squirming tighter into her soft niche. "Y'know... why do I even have to go to work everyday? HIC!"
"Oh, I dunno," Lancie said, shrugging as he sat down across from her. "Sanity. Self affirmation. Bits to pay your way through life?"
"Why can't Celestia—HIC—do everything? She raises the sun." Rainbow's eyes rolled back as she fought exhaustion. "Surely—HIC—she can control the weather with a simple sneeze."
"Mmmmmmhmmmm." Lancie cradled his chin on a lion's paw. "And what of those deliveries across Ponyville and beyond? Hmmm?"
"Just... toss 'em. Like a hoofball." Rainbow Dash giggled. "Or have her sister tease ponies about them in their dreams." She exhaled long and hard, her nostrils flaring. "... ... ...I hate myself, Lancie."
"Nooooo..." The statue shook his head. "No you don't."
"Yeah I—HIC—do." The mare sniffled, turning emotional on a dime. "I'm a friggin' lame-o who can't quit the cider."
"It's not so much that you hate yourself, Sparky," Lancie said. "It's more like you... love yourself very very hard."
"A pony who gave a crap about herself wouldn't put herself through this... over and over again... every day..."
"Wowsers. Are all drunk horses as lucid as you?"
"Only the awesome ones."
"See?" He pointed. "There's hope for you yet." He bore a tired smile. "Why would you bother destroying yourself unless you knew there was something weighty enough to crumble?"
"Buh?"
"You're a bit too keen to punish yourself, Sparky. And it's not about hate. It's only because you love something a great deal more than you love yourself." He arched a stone eyebrow. "But you don't know how to make the ends meet without rotating them in the completely opposite direction. It's delightfully chaotic."
"And you like chaos, don't you?"
"Hey." He smirked. "What in this universe is more chaotic than love?"
Rainbow sniffled again. She opened her moist eyes, staring up at the statue. "...I love her, Lancie."
"I know, Rainbow."
"Celestia help me, I love her so much."
"I know."
"It's... it's gonna be the friggin' end of me."
"No no no no... not an end." His gaze hardened. "But a beginning."
"Mmmfff... beginning?"
"Though whether it's a solitary life..." He stood up and tugged at her blanket. "Or one you share with another... that remains to be seen. But I've lived long enough to know the cycles of rebirth when I see it. I'd say you're a bit too young for a curtain call."
"Curtain... call..." Rainbow stumbled up to her hooves from his motions. Soon, she was being urged onto the top of her bed mattress—where she rolled over with her belly up. "You... are certainly talking strange tonight, Lancie..."
"Uh huh..." He muttered as he drew the blanket around her.
"Mmmff... almost like..." She whimpered, instantly curling up comfortably beneath the sheets. "...almost like a different person..."
"Yes, well..." He fluffed the pillow and slid it beneath her head. "...I doubt that half of you will even remember."
"Mmmmmmm..." She smiled tiredly, her body deflating against the mattress.
"As for the other half..." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and his gaze pierced the starlight beyond. "...well, I'm not sure I can even predict anymore."
Rainbow Dash slept fitfully, but safely.
He stumbled backwards until he was squatting on an endtable again. He laid down and stared at her. "I'm not the only one who needs to get pieced together..."