//------------------------------// // Static Shower vs. Iron Curtain - Winner: Iron Curtain (by Vote) // Story: OC Slamjam - Round One // by OC Slamjam //------------------------------// The Visitor from Stalliongrad - by Static Shower's Author Through the windows of the train car, one could watch the immense expanse of Unicorn Range pass by. Each field was filled with immaculate rows of crops which, when viewed at such speed, made for a mesmerizing sight. Yet this beauty was lost on a certain stallion sitting in this train car. He sat facing the table in front of him, oblivious to the changing scenery, as he pored over one of the many official-looking documents carefully laid out before him. Let’s see… “Annual revenues from Stalliongrad exports to Equestria”… One amber eye travelled quickly over the page as he committed its contents to memory, the other useless beneath its eyepatch. The frown on his furry brown brow remained firmly in place, even once he’d reached the document’s end. His black hooves deftly switched pages, presenting him with a new wealth of information to absorb. On the bench beside him sat a ushaka, one that was normally found on the stallion’s black coiffe. Finally, his grey trench coat, big enough to properly cover his large frame, made him stand out as one of the few ponies in that car wearing full-length garments. Two years, back profits were less than ideal… last year, profits surpassed acceptable standards… After reordering the pages, Iron Curtain placed the ‘exports’ documents back on one of the piles on the table, before picking up a new set from another pile. As he had been doing for the last hour, he began reading in earnest once more, going over more information pertaining to both his home country and Equestria. So focused was he that he failed to register the light clopping of small hooves approaching his bench. He could not, however, ignore the light tap he felt on his side. Tearing his gaze away from his work, he looked to his right to see a small, pale-yellow pegasus colt, staring up at him with wide, excited eyes. The little one’s wings were buzzing quickly, threatening to get his small body airborne. His light blue mane, streaked with cyan, fluttered in their wake. “Are you a pirate?” an enthusiastic young voice asked. A deep, gravelly one responded, “No.” Wings stopped buzzing as a slightly disappointed expression crossed the colt’s face. “Oh. Why not?” What manner of question is that? Iron Curtain thought, before responding, “Because I am an ambassador.” A confused frown appeared on the young flier’s face. “But… if you’re an am… amba… the thing you said you were, why do you have an eyepatch?” “What?” Now, the stallion’s expression matched the colt’s. “Pirates have eyepatches. If you’re not a pirate, why do you have an eyepatch?” Iron stared at the colt for a moment. What a foolish little colt, thinking eyepatches are exclusive to pirates. Typical pegasus ignorance. “What is your name, child?” The colt puffed out his chest as he brightly answered, “My name is Static Shower!” “Well Static, I’m busy with important matters. You should go back to your parents now.” He tried shooing the pegasus away with a wave of his hoof. “But why do you have an eyepatch?” Static asked again, undeterred. Iron sighed, irritated. “Do you know what eyepatches are for?” “Uhhh… they make you look cool?” He really IS that ignorant… “No. Usually, they’re used to hide the fact that somepony is missing an eye.” the stallion supplied in a firm tone. Static gasped in horror. “You’re missing an eye!? Did it fall out? I didn’t know eyes could do that!” He immediately brought a hoof up to his face to make sure his eyes were still in their sockets. “Eyes don’t just fall out. If somepony is missing an eye, it’s usually because they got in a bad fight.” Iron replied, rolling his eye at the colt’s antics. Static looked back up to big stallion. “In a bad fight?” A nod. “That’s why pirates often have eyepatches: they frequently get into bad fights.” “What does ‘frequently’ mean?” Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, Iron answered, “It means it happens a lot.” Why am I conversing with such an uneducated individual? I was never so clueless as a colt; I always had my father to instruct me on matters of importance…  “Does that mean that I have to get into a lot of fights if I want to be a pirate?” “Why do you want to be a pirate?” “Because Nightmare Night is coming up soon, and I want to be the best pirate in Ponyville!” Static answered excitedly, wings buzzing again. “What’s Nightmare Night?” The little colt’s eyes got huge and he gasped loudly in shock. “You don’t know what Nightmare Night is!? It’s the bestest holiday EVER!” “Ah.” Right. I recall Equestrians seem to have a number of these pointless celebrations throughout the year. Such a waste of time and money, no good for the economy. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be… an amusing little affair, but I must finish—” He was interrupted by Static launching himself into an explanation. “Nightmare Night only happens once a year and only on the last day of… uhhh… octagon! No, October! Ponies wear all kinds of amazing costumes and then you go and get candy! You have to make sure you say ‘Trick or Treat!’ just like that each time otherwise you won’t get any. Last year, I was a bumblebee and I got soooo much candy, but Mommy kept telling me not to eat it all or I was going to get a tummy ache. Oh, and you can’t go to houses that don’t have their lights on. Mommy says the ponies in those houses won’t give you candy, even if you do say ‘Trick or Treat!’ the right way. I don’t like those ponies; they’re not nice.” Throughout the tirade, Iron’s face remained in his hoof as he silently cursed his bad luck. I haven’t the time for this. I’d expect such useless banter from a unicorn, not a pegasus. And by the Great Leaders, what manner of asinine holiday IS this!? Everypony simply gives out candy freely to those who come asking? Ridiculous! Looking up, he finally addressed the colt, intent on getting back to his business. “Look, pegasus,” he nearly growled, irritation evident on his face, “I don’t have the time to hear about silly holidays in Equestria. I’ve got a lot to read up on for the Nations’ Summit, so why don’t you run along back to your parents?” But instead of heading off, Static remained, curious about something the stallion had said. “What’s the Nation’s Summit?” At this, Iron Curtain’s jaw dropped. “Wha… You don’t know what the Nations’ Summit is!? Are you truly so oblivious to all matters of significance that you’d be unaware of such a monumental event!?” The colt took a half step back at his outburst, causing Iron to check himself. He realized he was leaning almost menacingly towards the little one, jaw taut and eyes wide. He returned to his previous position with a grunt, doing his best to relax. “Excuse me.” “Um... you said a lot of words that I don’t know what they mean.” Irritation returning, Iron sighed, “Of course you wouldn’t.” A hesitant pause. “So what’s the Nations’ Summit?” Unbelievable. “It’s a very important meeting for very important people that are all coming from different countries.” A derisive sneer adorned the earth pony’s expression as he responded. “Oh! That makes sense!” Static said, oblivious to the Iron’s raised brow at his reaction. “Are you one of the important people?” “Yes.” “Wow!” The colt’s wings began buzzing anew. “So are you famous?” “In a way.” “Cool! And are you—” “More than anything,” Iron interrupted, patience completely worn out at this point, “I am very, very busy. I need to work. You are stopping me from doing my work. You need to leave.” If THIS doesn’t get through to this insufferable pegasus… Thankfully, the straightforward words had the desired effect. “Oh! Okay. Bye!” And with that, the Static took off to find his parents and tell them all about the important not-pirate he’d spoken to. As the colt took off, Iron wondered how it was possible for the young one to have known so little about the going-ons of his own country. He’d always been taught about the importance of learning all he could about Stalliongrad; only with that knowledge could somepony hope to improve the great land. And one must always strive to improve their home. Why wasn’t Static focused on making Equestria the best country it could be? Why was he so concerned with pointless frivolities? How is he so different than I was as a colt? Iron shook his head, clearing it of its aimless thoughts and inquiries. He a task to complete, a summit to attend, a country to better. Returning his gaze and focus to the documents laid out before him, Iron Curtain resumed his work, and the train continued on its way to Canterlot. Iron Curtain vs. Static Shower - by Iron Curtain's Author “What do you mean she is not available?!” “I mean she's not available. She's busy.” “Busy?! Do you know who I am, little dragon?!” The massive brown earth pony scowled at the tiny drake, his one good eye boring a hole right in his purple forehead. “Uh… Iron Curtain? You said it, like, ten times dude. You need to relax.” “I am the relax!” Iron Curtain stomped his hooves, the dark grey unhanka billowing behind him. He had traveled hundreds of miles from his motherland of Stalliongrad to meet with the newest princess of Equestria, only to find the newest princess was not home doing her job, but on a picnic—a bloody picnic, on a weekday!—leaving him here to deal with her assistant, a lowly dragon. “When will she be back?!” Iron Curtain demanded, stomping his hoof into the ground. “I don’t know. Maybe a few hours?” Spike said with a shrug, taking a step back. “Look, I don’t know and you're kinda creeping me out. Go get something to eat, and maybe she'll be back afterwards.” “I don’t need to eat, you devil! I need—” Before Iron Curtain could finish, the little dragon slammed the door on him. The brown earth pony stood there for a second, his left eye wide and twitching slightly. “Did he… Nyet!” Iron Curtain shouted, as he raised his hoof and began to pound on the door. “I am Iron Curtain, Ambassador of Stalliongrad! You do not shut door on me!” He continued to shout, pounding the on the door as he did. “Why are you angry?” Iron Curtain whipped around at the sudden voice, his nostrils flared as he glared at whoever was talking to him. Hovering in the air behind him was a yellow pegasus colt with a blue mane, his wings buzzing like that of a humming bird. His head was cocked to the side slightly as he looked up at Iron Curtain. The large pony looked down at the smaller pony, his one eye focused on the young colt, who was constantly hovering from one side to the other, seemingly unable to stay stationary. “Shoo,” Iron Curtain gave a flick of his hoof, trying to get the colt away from him. However, the young pegasus kept looking up at Iron Curtain. “Uhh… how you say… leave?” “Why do you have a eyepatch? Are you a pirate?” The colt fired another question, aggravating Iron Curtain even further. “No. I am not pirate. Long story, no time to tell little colt. Now go.” “Hehehe, You talk funny! Why?” Iron Curtain gave a low growl while the colt giggled to himself. He ran a massive hoof down his face, his one good eye fixated on the colt, glaring at him. “Yes. I am from other country. I have accent. Now… off with you. You have school, yes? Go there,” Iron Curtain growled as he turned from the young colt, trying to figure out a way to meet the princess. He only made it a few steps when the insufferable colt buzzed in front of him. “Nope! It’s the weekend! There is no school, silly,” the colt once again giggled as his little wings buzzed, keeping him a few inches above the ground. “Why are you angry?” He asked again, not seeming to notice, or even care, how the large pony tried to get away. “I am not angry!” Iron Curtain bellowed, his eye wide with anger. At once the pegasus fell to the ground, landing on his flank with an audible thud. “Yes, you are! And you're a meanie!” The small colt shouted back, this time invoking a reaction from Iron Curtain who took a step back from the pegasus. “I am what?” “A meanie! A big, angry meanie!” the colt shouted again, his wings now flared as he got to his hooves, staring up at Iron Curtain. The Stalliongrad pony just watched the anger rise in the young pegasus, who was trying to stare down a pony ten times his size and with much more experience. For a weak, feather-brained, lazy pegasus, Iron Curtain could not help but see some of the fire of a true Stalliongrad stallion in the colt. “Tell me, what is name?” Iron Curtain asked, raising a hoof to his chin and scratching it. “Static Shower,” the colt mumbled, crossing his forelegs and looking away from Iron Curtain. “Static Shower…” Iron Curtain mumbled to himself, looking up into the sky as he thought. “Yeah! Don’t make fun of it! I like my name!” Static shouted, glaring up at Iron Curtain. “Don’t be like those other bullies!” “Bullies?” Iron Curtain looked back down at Static Shower, a small grin forming as he eyed the little colt. “You have bullies?” “Ya, and they're meanies, just like you!” Iron Curtain gave out a boisterous laugh at this, throwing his head back as he laughed. “Oh, no, little one. I am not bully or this, how you say, meanie? No, I am Iron Curtain, and I like your spirit,” he laughed, causing Static’s face to light up slightly, as he got back to his hooves and looked up at the larger pony. “Y-you do?” “Da! You have spirit of fighter, and I want to help you with these bullies,” Iron Curtain laughed, rubbing the top of Static’s head, ruffling up his mane. “Do you want me to teach you?” At these words, the young colt’s face lit up, as he started to jump in around Iron Curtain, his wings flapping with joy. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Static Shower shouted happily, laughing as he did so. “This is going to be so cool! No more bullies! I am going to be like a superhero, saving the day! And getting free ice cream for being a hero! And ponies will like me! And getting more toys! And be tough! And—” Before he could make another lap around Iron Curtain, the large earth pony pushed him down by the back. “No… no more of that. Now, come with me, it is time to train. Woods good for training,” Iron Curtain said, lifting his large hoof off of Static Shower, and leading him outside of town. The young colt shook his head slightly as he watched Iron Curtain march off, before following him, still bouncing up and down happily. -- “Now, why would bullies pick on you?” Iron Curtain asked, pacing in front of Static Shower, like he was a drill sergeant addressing troops. “Because they are meanies!” Static shouted back, jumping off the log and hovering. “Big stupid, poopy face, dumb—” “Nyet!” Iron Curtain shouted, causing Static to fall from the air. “It’s because they are are weak!” Iron Curtain said, stomping his hoof in the ground and facing Static Shower. “But if they're weak… how can they bully me?” “Because! They think you are weaker. You have silly name, no?” “I don’t think my name is—” “And you have no mark! Much ammunition to use on you. They see weakness and they pounce on it like timber wolves on wounded animal.” Iron Curtain advanced on Static, who shrunk at the imposing figure. “How is this supposed to help! Why do you need to make me feel bad? They already do that!” Static shouted, pushing himself back up and and hovering in the air. “This is not helping,” he muttered, as he gave a loud sniff, fighting back the tears. “No! No crying! Today you are stallion!” Iron Curtain shouted, as he pushed Static back down to the ground with his hoof. “No flying! If you want to be strong, be strong like earth pony!” “But I’m not a—” “I tell you this so you know what your enemies know. To understand why they target you.” Iron Curtain looked down at the young colt and smiled. “Now, do you know why they use words to hurt?” “Because if they get into a fight, they will get in trouble with their parents and the teacher?” Static Shower replied, as his wings shifted. “Uhh… yes. That is good reason,” Iron Curtain said, his voice cracking slightly. “But not reason I was getting to. No. They use words because they are afraid. Afraid of violence, afraid of retaliation like diplomats. Lots of fancy words to avoid fight. Why? Because they are weak!” Iron Curtain laughed as he backed up from Static Shower and began to draw a ring in the dirt. “But… we learned that violence is bad. That good ponies use their words to figure things out,” Static Shower said, remembering his parents teaching him to be nice to other ponies, and how in school they were taught to be kind to one another. “Why are you drawing a circle?” Iron Curtain just laughed in response, as he kept drawing the circle. Static moved closer to the circle, watching Iron Curtain drag his hoof against the ground, till he had reached his starting point. After that, he started to take off his hat and trench coat, tossing them to a log. With his coat gone, Static was able to see Iron Curtain’s cutie mark for the first time, a red hammer and sickle crossed over one another. “What is your cutie mark?” Iron Curtain turned to the young pegasus who was looking at his cutie mark. “You ask many questions,” Iron Curtain mumbled as he looked at his mark. “And we do not call it ‘cuite mark’, as you do. To us, it is our mark, to show what we can do to make the motherland stronger!” “Why?” Iron Curtain slowly exhaled the air from his lungs, closing his one eye before turning to Static Shower. “Why must you keep asking questions? Listen now. Yes? Good!” Iron Curtain shook his head, mumbling under his breath as he got into the ring. “Why do you always shout?” “Why do you ask many questions? Hmm?! Get in ring!” “I thought it was a circle.” “Ring! Circle! Same thing! Get in now!” Iron Curtain barked, causing the young colt to jump, before scurrying into the ring, his head low as he entered. Iron Curtain gave a growl of annoyance at Static Shower’s appearance, like he was a puppy that was just struck for being bad. “Stop that! Do not look like coward! Hold head high like stallion!” At once, Static Shower straightened up, like a bolt of electricity had gone through him. Once both ponies were inside the ring, Iron Curtain took a few steps closer to Static so he was once again looking down at him. Static looked right up at him, his wings fidgeting as he did so, but he kept his head up high, not shrinking in the slightest. “Good, you can hold ground. Now, I will teach you simple way to stop bullies,” Iron Curtain said, smiling at Static, who looked right up at him. “By time I am done with you, nopony will ever want to bully you again.” “Really?!” “Da. You will be stronger than them, more powerful!” Iron Curtain laughed, holding a hoof to his chest, as he imagined what he was to turn this young colt into. “By time I am done with you, they shall fear you like a—” “Like a thunderstorm?!” Static Shower asked, his eyes gleaming as he did so. Iron Curtain looked down at Static Shower, his left eye wide as he watched the small colt seem to glow at the idea, his wings trembling with excitement. Pressing his lips together, Iron Curtain began to nod at the strange idea. “Da, like thunderstorm,” Iron Curtain continue to nod, as Static Shower bounced up and down. “Stop with bouncing! Stallions do not bounce!” Iron Curtain barked, bringing Shower to a full stop. “Now, we begin training…” -- “Nevous?” “A little…” “Good. Never go into battle cocky. Better to overestimate then under. Now go to war.” Static Shower gave an audible gulp as he stood next to the much larger Iron Curtain. For the past few hours they had been out in the woods training, and he still wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to take on those bullies. Now they stood at the playground they were always at, the one they kicked him out of due to bullying him. “What if we trained for a bit longer. That way I can have time to—” “Nyet! Do not put off! More delay will make less hesitate to fight! Now go!” Iron Curtain gave Static a hard shove, pushing him forward onto the playground, causing many ponies to take notice, especially one colt, who began to walk towards the newcomer. “Well, look who's back,” Static shuddered slightly at the voice, he recognized it anywhere: Meathead. He was a red unicorn colt that was much bigger than other colts his age. “I thought I told you never to come back here.” He sneered, as he stood over Static Shower. “Mo-mommy said this playground was for—” “Come on! Speak up Static Loser,” “That's not my—” “No cutie mark and a stupid name. No wonder you have no friends,” Meathead laughed, causing a few other colts and fillies to laugh as well, just so they would not be targeted as well. Static Shower hunched over as the three bullies laughed at him. Every fiber in his being told him to turn tail and run. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Iron Curtain still standing there, watching him. Turning back and looking at Meathead, Static took a deep breath, and started to act like Iron Curtain wanted him to. “Ragh!” From his hunched over position, Static Shower shot his head forward into Meathead’s face with all the force he could muster up. The laughing of the other colts and fillies dissipated in a flash as Meathead fell backwards to the sudden headbutt. However, the bullies torment was not over yet as Shower jumped onto Meathead’s chest and started to punch his bully over and over. “Good! Good!” Iron Curtain laughed, as parents started to take notice and started to shout at the pair. Iron Curtain just counted to laugh deeply, cutting out some of the parent’s shrieks of horror as Static kept punching Meathead. “What is going on?!” A more feminine voice cried out. “You two! Stop this right now!” From the corner of Iron Curtain’s eye he saw the owner of the voice move forward. “Nyet,” Iron Curtain said, throwing his foreleg out in front of the mare before she could move forward. “Let them fight it out. Good for colts to fight! Builds character,” he said, watching his young pupil dominate the fight, showing the ferocity of a powerful thunderstorm in every strike. “Keep up, Static Shower!” “That’s Static Shower! What happened to him?” The mare shouted, only causing another bond of laughter from Iron Curtain. “I taught him to be stallion! To stand up for self! Good, yes?” Iron Curtain turned to the mare he had stopped, only to come face to face with the newest princess herself. “Oh! Princess Twilight! Good to finally meet you. I am Iron Curtain, and I am here to—” “Y-you savage!” “Huh?” Iron Curtain could only blink in confusion, as Twilight stomped over to him her own eyes wide with anger as she glared at him. “What have you done to that sweet colt?! How did you turn him into such a… a…. I have no words to describe this audacity!” Twilight shouted, before pushing past Iron Curtain and to the two fighting colts, her horn glowing as she did. A purple aura surrounded both of the young colts and pulled them away from one another. “You two come with me this instant! We'll get your injuries looked at before you tell me what led to this.” She then whipped around and glared at the stunned Iron Curtain. “And you… I never want to see you in Ponyville again. Good day!” Twilight said, turning away from the stallion with a huff, before walking back to her home with both colts still suspended in air. As she walked away, Static Shower looked back at Iron Curtain and began to wave to him, a wide toothy grin spreading across his face. “Thank you Iron Curtain! You're the best pirate ever!” He shouted, as he was carried off. Iron Curtain could only watch, his mouth slightly open as he watched the three walk away. Never had he seen such a thing. Back in his own country when colts fought, it was normal to watch and give praise to the victor for proving they were a true stallion. Here, they are both treated like newborns, and given a timeout? “What strange country,” Iron Curtain mumbling till Static Shower was out of sight. Suddenly, realization of what Twilight had said came over the larger pony. “Der’mo! Vovo is going to kill me!”