The Battle - by Copper Coin's Author
Looking up at the schedule for the final round of the Writers of the Equestrian Elite, or WEE as they were more commonly known, Price Back couldn’t have felt prouder of himself. He hadn’t expected to make it this far in the competition. He had met some fantastic writers and ponies. Some of them offering helpful advice. Others he would spend hours talking about the subject.
He glanced slightly to the right of his name to see his opponent’s name. Copper Coin, huh? Raising his hoof to his chin, he let out a slight humming sound.
A stallion approached his side looking up at the same standings. Price admitted that he noticed this stallion standing next to him, but paid no attention. At least… not at first.
“Price Back!” the stallion chuckled. “Who names their kid ‘Price Back?’ Stupid name if ever I heard one. Sounds like Bad Back or Broken Back if you ask me!” It was as if the stallion across from him wanted attention. And he got it.
Price’s ears couldn’t have perked up faster if he tried as he turned his head to face the stallion. A green stallion with black glasses and a long purple scarf dangling from his neck. Price narrowed his eyes. “I’m Price Back.”
The stallion glanced over to him, his expression unchanged from an slouching, narrow eyed position, as if he was uninterested in what Price was saying. A silence swept over them for a moment. Shifting his gaze, Price had hoped that this pony would say something.
And say something, the stallion did.
“What do you want? A medal?”
Not the answer I was expecting, Price thought to himself. “And you are?”
The stallion placed his hoof on his chest, standing up straight, pride emanating from his body like pus from a zit. “I am Copper Coin! Writer extraordinaire!” With a wink and a smile, Copper continued. “Perhaps you’ve heard of me.”
Price shook his head. “Can’t say I have.”
Copper’s smile vanished from his face, leaving only a scowling frown. “Well, you’re going to by the end of this! This competition is as good as mine! And then, I’ll be a famed writer. Maybe the most famous in Equestria.”
A moment passed as Price thought about his opponent. This might be a good opportunity to learn about this pony who made it all the way to the finals. Even if he is a talkative pony. “What do you mean ‘you’ll be a famed writer’?” Price tilted his head. “Aren’t you one now?”
Copper glance over to the other side of the room as if to avoid Price’s gaze. “Writer’s block… That and I don’t have enough money to cover the publishing costs.”
“Why don’t you just try self-publishing?”
A howl of laughter burst from Copper’s mouth. “Good one. Why would I do something that I can pay somepony to do for me?”
If Price could have rolled his eyes any harder, it was likely his eyes would have fallen out of his skull. Instead of wasting his time, he decided to change the subject. “So, what kind of story have you written? Romance? Comedy? Thriller?”
Copper reached into his saddlebag and pulled out a stack of papers, held together by stables. “The best! That’s all it needs to be.”
Price reached out his hoof. “Mind if I take a look?”
With a shrug of his shoulders, Copper hooved over his writings. “You might as well see the story that’s going to wipe the floor with you.”
Taking Copper’s writing in his hooves, Price pulled a similar looking stack of papers from his own saddlebag. “Want to read mine?”
Copper scoffed. “Read yours? I have better things to do with my time than read somepony else’s hard work.” With those words ringing in the air, Copper rips the stack of papers from Price’s hooves. “Maybe I’ll just skim it.”
As Copper flipped through page after page, Price could only stand with his mouth agap. What kind of pony is this guy? Shaking his head, mentally declaring it nothing, he turned to Copper’s writing, flipping through the pages. As the minutes passed, Price’s heart began to sink along with the quality of the writing.
Wow… this is actually pretty bad.
***
Wow… this is actually really good, Copper admitted as he read each page. Brilliant characters, a complex plot, commas in the right places! The more he read, the more he was convinced that his story was far inferior to this one. It might actually beat him.
“So, what’d you think?” Price finally destroyed the silence after what seemed like so long.
Copper raised his eyes up to Price’s dark brown eyes. Sweat perspirated from his neck, his voice started to stammer as he thought of what he could say. He gave a smile and shook his head. “It sucks. You might want to burn it.”
Price’s eyebrow raised. “Burn it? For what?! Why did it suck?”
Shifting his gaze, Copper looked around the hall for anything to come and change the subject, as he gave Price’s story back. “Um… the commas. Their in the wrong place.”
The eyebrow that was once raised, fell into a narrow glare. “Really?”
Copper gave a nod.
“Well, I think that you’re story isn’t all that great either,” Price admitted. “Your premise is solid, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. For example, your main character seems rather bland. There’s no arc to him. He doesn’t really overcome any kind of obstacle. He doesn’t have any kind of emotional journey and-”
“Well, I didn’t ask you!” Copper bleached, ripping the story from Price’s hooves.
“Yes, you did!” Price retaliated.
Copper held out his hoof. “Let’s not bicker about who said what.” Down the hall Copper trotted his head held high. “I’m going to win that competition and the trophy that comes with it!”
As Copper sneaked around the corner, hiding behind a wall disappearing from sight of Price, he quickly drew a pencil from his scarf and scratched out his name on his story. The only way I can win is to cheat. Carefully and with as much professionalism as he could muster, he wrote in ‘Price Back’ as the author for his story.
The easy part was done. Now he had to get a hold of Price’s story and put his name on it. A slightly harder part. But nothing he wasn’t completely unprepared for.
Copper poked his head from around the corner, noting Price, simply trotting down the hall. No doubt preparing to submit his work. Copper gave a grin as he eyed his unsuspecting prey. Like a coyote chasing a gazelle.
And with the speed to match, Copper rushed down the hall. Every step carefully place to make it seem as if he was in a hurry. Not paying attention to anything around him. With that speed and carelessness combined, Copper smashed into Price’s body, sending both of them to the ground and the large stacks of paper soaring into the air.
Copper was quick to his feet and made his way to Price’s body. His eyes widened and his mouth giving a shocked gasp. “Price! I am so sorry!” He kneeled down and picked up a stack of papers closest to Price and reached out a hoof to Price.
With Price taking his hoof, Copper helped him to his feet. “I got you all dirty,” Copper said as he began to brush his hooves against Price’s body. “Clumsy me.”
Price swatted Copper’s hooves away from him. “I’m fine. Thank you.” He glanced down to the stack of papers on the floor. Without another word, he picked up the stack and marched on his way. Ignoring Copper as he went.
Copper looked down to the story in his hooves. A wide toothy grin appeared on his face as his pencil went to work. And like magic, the story’s author had changed.
***
“And now the winner of the Writers of the Equestrian Elite is…” the well dressed stallion announced as he stood in front of the crowd of thousands of ponies.
The anticipation was more than Copper could bear. He couldn’t wait to hear his name being heard over the mic. To see ponies all over Equestria give him the standing ovation he deserved. All his hard work and struggles to gain attention in the literary community would finally pay off on this one night.
The well dressed stallion opened the envelope and pulled out a small sleeve of paper. This is it! Copper cheered to himself.
“Price Back!”
If those words were a sharp object, they would have stabbed at Copper’s heart a hundred times in a single second. The crowd began to cheer. Copper’s eyes diverted to his left to see Price standing up from the crowd and smiling. No! I can’t let him beat me!
As Price made his way to the well-dressed stallion to receive his trophy, Copper rushed to the stage and climbed his way on. “Wait!”
The crowd became silent as Price tilted his head towards Copper. “Copper, what are you doing?!”
The well-dressed stallion glanced over to Copper as he conjured his explanation. “You didn’t win! I won the contest!”
Price raised his eyebrow. “What are you talking about?!”
“I changed the author of my story to you because I thought I would lose!” Copper confessed as he ripped the trophy from the well dressed stallion. “So, now, I’ve changed my mind!”
Price grabbed the handle closest to him of the trophy and pulled it towards him, Copper holding the other handle. “If that’s true, you don’t deserve it after cheating!”
Copper pulled it towards him. “I was cheating! But now I’m uncheating!”
Prince pulled it back towards him. “You don’t deserve it, you rank full-gorged codpiece!”
“Codpiece?!” A fire burst in Copper’s stomach causing him to shove the trophy with such force, it caused Price to tumble to the stage floor by the sudden shift of weight. Price’s hooves abandoned the trophy, leaving it to Copper alone.
With as much speed as his legs could muster, Copper leaped off the stage and ran through the small auditorium. As he approached the door, he heard Price’s voice coming from the stage. “Get back here!”
Turning right, Copper sped down the hall, knowing that Price was right behind him. Down the stretch of hall for 40 feet, he found a ladder. Without a second’s hesitation, he grabbed the steps of the ladder and began to scale it. Looking up, he found a metallic walkway high above him connected to the ladder.
Reaching the top, Copper darted down the walkway to find a door. Copper opened the door to reveal the outside rooftop of the building. His eyes frantically searching for a nearby ledge he could jump to or fire escape that he could possibly use. However, glancing around, there was none. Celestia, this is why I hate being an earth pony. A Pegasus would have just flown out of this situation telling the earth pony to eat his shorts. A unicorn would have teleported away.
An earth pony? Nothing.
Before Copper could move, a pair of hooves wrapped themselves around him and dragged him to the ground.
The trophy flew out of Copper’s hooves as he hit the ground with a thud. Aimlessly, the trophy rolled across the rooftop, finally stopping due to its handle.
Copper looked behind him to see Price standing straight up and rushing towards the trophy. With that sight in his eyes, his legs acted instinctively, shooting him to his feet and rushing towards the trophy with speed to rival Price.
The two stallions dived for the trophy sliding across the rough gravel of the rooftop. Each of their hooves grabbed onto one of the handles of the trophy and began to pull. Back and forth, the trophy swayed.
“Let go! I won it fair and square!” Copper spouted.
“You’re just a sore loser!” Price retorted.
“Yes, but I didn’t lose!”
“You don’t deserve it for trying to cheat, you dissembling boil-brained jolt-head!”
“Well, at least, I’m not a hack writer and a loser!”
With one final tug, the handles dispersed from the trophy, sending the two stallions soaring backwards and the trophy soaring into the air. A clinking sound echoed throughout the rooftop as the trophy bounced off the concrete rooftop and rolled to the ledge.
With as much speed as he could muster, Copper rose to his feet, diving for the trophy. He wrapped his hooves around it and pulled himself up. A triumphant ‘Ha’ slipped from his lips as he hoisted it into the air.
Suddenly, two hooves wrapped around his body, shoving him to the ground. The trophy flew out of his hooves and over the ledge. “No!” Copper screamed as he shoved Price off him.
He moved to the ledge, looking down. Below him, shattered into a dozen pieces, was the trophy. “No!” Copper whined. “My trophy.” His sobs broke up his speech. “Ruined.”
Price rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That’s what you get for cheating.”
With that, Price continued downstairs, leaving the rooftop to a groaning stallion and his destroyed dream.
Write and Wrong - by Price Back's Author
“The only cure for a large ego is a hard smack on the head.”- Star Swirl the Bearded
The chief of police entered the hospital with a firm stride and a stern look on his face. Ponies sat quietly around the waiting room, either reading a magazine or listening to the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra playing on the speakers. Some of them glanced at the large lawstallion, but he paid them no mind.
After all, he had a job to do.
His stride took him all the way to the receptionist desk. Behind it sat a grey mare with a yellow mane and bubbles for a cutie mark. She was wearing a nurse’s uniform and seemed to be staring off into space.
“Miss Hooves?” the chief asked. The mare shook her head and turned to the chief, a friendly smile on her face.
“Yes, Mr. Chief?”
“Where’s the Deputy and the two ponies he came in with?”
“Oh, they’re down the hall, 6th door on the right,” the mare answered. “Or maybe it was the 5th…or perhaps even the 4th…” She put her hoof to her head, scratching it hard.
“Miss Hooves…”
“Well, they’re down that hallway somewhere,” she said, pointing to the hall to the chief’s left. He nodded and wandered off down the hall. It was long, but he eventually came up to the right door, where his deputy sat, his nose deep in a magazine.
“Ahem,” the chief coughed. The deputy quickly stood up.
“Uh, hey there, Chief,” the deputy stammered as he snapped to attention.
“They both in there?”
“Ah, no sir. We wanted to keep ‘em separate like you said.”
“Good.”
“Well, ol’ Copper Coin is in this door on the left, and that Price Back fella is in the one across the hall.”
The chief nodded toward the left door. “Is he awake now?”
“Yes, sir. He’s been stirring for a few minutes now and he’s really aching to tell us the story.”
“I’ll bet he is,” the chief sighed. With that, the chief pushed the door open and walked into the room, his deputy close behind.
As the duo made their way into the room, they were greeted by an unnerving sight. In the bed lay a pony with his head completely covered in gauze, save for the eyes. His green coat was smudged with dirt, and what little of his black mane that poked through the gauze looked disheveled. His left cutie mark, a pen and paper, was nearly unrecognizable, as a bruise almost entirely covered it.
The figure turned toward the lawstallions, and his dark aqua eyes lit up when he laid his eyes on the two.
“Chief?” the figure muttered.
“Yes, Copper, it’s me.”
“Thank Celestia,” Copper sighed with relief. “I thought you’d never get here.” The chief pulled up a chair and sat close to the bed-ridden pony.
“So, what happened?”
_____________________________________________________________________________
It began like most normal days do: with me waking up and singing a song. And who could blame me? The sun was shining so bright and the birds were chirping and I couldn’t help but start belting a tune. I think it went something like this:
La la la, this is a happy song!
La la la, won’t you sing along?
Once done singing, I realized that I was running late for work at the library. So I rushed downstairs to have some breakfast. Luckily for me, my lovely mother had already made some eggs and pancakes, which I managed to wolf down quickly. As I rushed out the door, I heard my mother call out to me.
“Have a good day, Copper!”
“Thank you, Mother!” I said with a smile and a wave. “You have a lovely day, too!”
I turned back toward the road, eager to make my way to the Saddlina Public Library to help ponies in their literary endeavors. I may just be assistant librarian, but I love helping ponies discover the wonders of Equestrian literature!
But that’s when I saw him looking at me. It took me a second to register, but I realized who he was fairly quickly by his cutie mark. After all, not many folks in this part have a black inkwell and pen as a cutie mark.
He turned away from me, but that couldn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat. I couldn’t believe it; Price Back, the renowned newspaper writer, in my town! It was just like winning the lottery! I quickly trotted on over to him.
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“What do you want?” he said irritably.
“I apologize, sir, but are you Price Back?”
“Yeah, and that means what to you?”
I can positively say that I was shocked by this point. Mr. Back’s behavior seemed absolutely reprehensible! But I was quick to hold my tongue; I was raised in an understanding household, and I knew that Mr. Back had undoubtedly had a bad day of some sort. Maybe his marefriend broke up with him, or something like that.
“Mr. Back, I can see that you’re not in the best mood, and I apologize for any unfortunate circumstances that have caused you to enter this unpleasant state, but-“
“What do you want, buddy?” he interrupted.
“Well, sir, I just wanted to say hello and-“
“Well, you’ve just said hello, so beat it!” He shoved me aside and I landed roughly in the grass. My mouth was wide open as I watched him walk away; how could a pony have such horrible manners?
“You’re a very unpleasant pony!” I yelled to him. He turned to me and made an obscene gesture.
“Deal with it, you pansy!” He then started laughing.
“I’ll be sure to write to your editor! She should know who she’s got as an employee!” He stopped laughing at this and looked me dead in the eyes. Any merriment he had shown previously was gone. He started marching toward me, and I was so horrified. I wanted to move or run, but I couldn’t! The look on his face had frozen me stiff!
Eventually, I started to run, but he was able to tackle me. He then got on top of me and pinned my legs down.
“So you’re a squealer, eh?” he said coarsely.
“Get off me!” I shouted. “Help! Somepony help!”
“Sure, I’ll help you…” he said with a grin nopony would mistake for pleasant.
At this, he began to punch me, wailing punch after punch onto my face. I tried held up my legs to block the blows, but he just pinned them down with one arm and kept punching me with the other.
“Stop! Help!” I cried.
“Oh, a tough guy, huh?” he said with a foul smirk. “My master would enjoy you…”
“What?!” Suddenly, without warning, clouds gathered around us and lightning struck nearby. Smoke and sparks flew, and a horrible roar came from within the haze. Once it cleared, a horrible beast with a red body and giant horns came toward us.
“Look, Master!” Price hissed in delight. “I’ve got fresh meat for you!” The monster looked down at me and gave a toothy grin.
“Well done, Price Back! This'll be a fantastic feast!” Then from out of nowhere, he made a giant hammer appear in a flash of green fire. “But first, I need to mash him up!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” I screamed as he swung the hammer down toward my head.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The sheriff stared at Copper, his face remaining stoic.
“That’s your story?” the sheriff finally answered.
“Of course!” Copper squeaked. “I know it seems unreal, Chief, but Price Back really did do this! Him and his demon master!”
The chief nodded and stood up from his chair. “Well, thank you for your story, Copper.”
Copper nodded. “Thanks for listening, chief.”
The sheriff and deputy made their way outside, going to the room across the hall. When they entered, Price Back sat on the bed. He too looked somewhat worse for wear, though he was by no means as roughed up as Copper. His black mane seemed a little ruffled, and his legs looked like they had some scarring; however, they looked like they came from an older injury and not the recent tussle. His right hoof sat in a bowl of ice and his back legs hung loosely off the side of the bed.
“Mr. Back?” the sheriff asked. The pony looked up at him, his dark brown eyes shimmering somewhat.
“That’s me,” the pony affirmed.
“Mr. Coin across the hall has accused you of assault and summoning a demon to devour him.”
For a moment, Price just stared at him, no emotion registering on his face.
Then he started laughing.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” the dark colored pony cried hysterically. The sheriff and deputy looked at one another, smirking.
“I’ll take that as a no, Mr. Back?” the sheriff said with a knowing grin.
“You most certainly may, Chief,” the brown pony said, the last few chortles leaving his mouth.
“Well, regardless of his believability, we still have to get your side of the story, Mr. Price Back. Just to make sure.”
“Of course.”
_________________________________________________________________________________
I had come to town looking for any stories that would interest my newspaper, the Equestrian Grazette. It had been a rather slow news week in the surrounding towns, so I thought that Saddlina would have some sort of story that would catch some interest. So I came walking into town this morning, heading toward the center of town.
Suddenly, I heard a giant crashing noise coming from behind me. I looked and saw a green pony with large glasses and a purple scarf come stumbling out of a house.
“Get, get!” I heard a mare screech. “Go do your job, you bum!”
“Aw, lay off, Mom!” the pony whined.
“And try to be civilized! No mare wants to date a stallion who shuts himself in his room all day!”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the exchange. The pony looked my direction, so I snapped my head to face forward again. But soon, I heard the trampling of hooves behind me and the pony was soon beside me.
“Hey, you’re Price Back, right? The writer?”
“Uh…yes, that’s me.” I was surprised that he knew who I was, as well as slightly dismayed. Nothing ruins anonymity like a fan.
“Cool! Hey man, I’m a writer too!”
“That’s nice. Listen, I’d like to talk, but I’m on a schedule and-“
“We’ll walk and talk, dude! I’m going this way too, so it’s no problem.” I sighed internally. Just what I needed; a fan and a chit-chatter.
“So, listen, I got a ton of stories that I’ve written over the past few years, but they keep getting rejected. Freaking publishing companies, y’know? Always demanding perfection. So anyways, I was wondering if you had time to look a few of them over and give an opinion!”
“Thanks, but no can do. I’m on the move and I’m busy enough as is.” I was lying, but I really wanted to shake this guy. Besides, he probably needed an editor more than a writer.
“Aw, come on!”
“Sorry, Mr.-?
“Coin. Copper Coin.”
“Listen, Copper, if you really want to get some help on your writing, just ask somepony around here to be your editor.”
“But everypony around here is stupid! They wouldn’t know literature if it was decreed by the Princesses.”
“Don’t be silly. There’s got to be somepony around here that can give you a helping hoof.”
“Nah, man. Just a bunch of zoned out illiterates.”
“Copper, even if that’s the case, I can’t help you. I’m busy now.”
“C’mon, dude! You’ve got to know somepony!” At this point, I was getting desperate. I don’t hate talking to ponies, but he was getting on my nerves.
“Alright, if you’re really that desperate…” I stopped and reached into my sack, pulling a pen and paper out. “I’ll give you the address of my editor at the Equestrian Grazette. Her name is Written Word and she’s-“
“Woah, wait! Written Word?”
“That’s right. Something wrong?”
“Oh yeah, man! Big time! I’ve sent my stories to her plenty of times, and she always sends them back with a bunch of suggestions and crap! A real bitch, you know?”
I froze. “What did you say?”
“Huh? Dude, calm down! I’m just saying it as it is: Your editor is a bitch.”
I threw my right hoof at him. Unfortunately, I missed his face and slammed it right into his left flank.
“OWWWWWWW!!!” he yelled. “Dude, what the hay?!” I myself stymied a scream; that punch had darn near busted my hoof! But I was still too angry to care.
“You want to call ponies names?!” He was running, but I wasn’t through. I chased him around, desperately trying to lay a hit on him.
“Man, chill out! No need to get mad over a unicorn!”
“What’s THAT supposed to mean?!”
“Stop being an idiot! You know unicorns run this society! They’ve got all the magic and money, man!” I stopped chasing him and stared at him, awestruck at his stupidity.
“You’re not worth it,” I grumbled as I returned to walking.
“Yeah, get going, you little wussy!" I heard him jeer. "Go back to your unicorn bitch overlord!”
I threw my bag at him. He ducked and moved aside. Unfortunately, he bumped into a ladder during this dodge. Before I knew it, a paint can fell on his head.
______________________________________________________________________________
“…And then I was brought here.”
The chief turned to his deputy. “Deputy, does this story collaborate with the other witnesses’ reports of the incident?”
The deputy looked up from his notetaking and nodded. “Sure do, Chief. To the letter.”
“Well then, Mr. Price Back…” the chief spoke. “It would seem you’re clear of charges of assault and demon summoning.”
“Huh? I mean, yeah, I get the demon dismissal, but aren’t I still guilty of assault?”
The chief smiled. “Mr. Price Back, we’re not a bunch of tight-asses out here. This isn’t Canterlot, where every single infraction is punished. Around here, we let some things slide. Besides, most of the town probably thinks ol’ Copper Coin deserved what he got.”
Price seemed taken aback for a moment, but he soon regained his composure. “Regardless, I still think I should’ve had more self-control.”
“Maybe,” the chief nodded. “But for now, just keep that hoof on ice and get on back to your editor.” He grinned slightly. “Maybe she’ll give you a raise for fighting for her honor.”
“Hah! Written Word wouldn’t raise my pay if I was the only writer in Equestria!”
“Well, take care of yourself anyway, Price Back,” the chief replied as he and the deputy shuffled out of the room. They made their way out into hallway and walked back to the receptionist area. Miss Hooves still sat there, scratching numbers into a piece of paper.
“Well, if there’s 20 doors in the hallway, and he was 1/3 of the way down…” she wondered aloud.
“He was in the sixth door, Miss Hooves,” the chief calmly replied.
“Oh, that’s right!” Miss Hooves exclaimed, slapping her desk. “It’s always the number six!”
“Have a nice day, Miss Hooves,” the deputy said with a smile.
“You too, Deputy…er, Whatsyourface!” She waved to the two of them as they left, then looked back down at her paper. “But the sixth door isn’t exactly a third of the way down the hall! There must have been an error in the calculations somewhere…”